TEDSalon 2006
Rives: If I controlled the Internet
Rives controla a Internet
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Quantos poemas conseguem juntar o eBay, ο Friendster e o Monster.com num poema de 3 minutos merecedor de uma ovação de pé? Desfrutem o talento único de Rives.
Rives - Performance poet, multimedia artist
Performance artist and storyteller Rives has been called "the first 2.0 poet," using images, video and technology to bring his words to life. Full bio
Performance artist and storyteller Rives has been called "the first 2.0 poet," using images, video and technology to bring his words to life. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:26
I wrote this poem after hearing a pretty well known actress
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Escrevi este poema depois de ouvir uma actriz muito conhecida
00:30
tell a very well known interviewer on television,
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dizer a uma entrevistadora muito conhecida na televisão,
00:33
"I'm really getting into the Internet lately.
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"Finalmente estou a habituar-me à Internet.
00:35
I just wish it were more organized."
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Só desejava que fosse mais organizada".
00:37
So ...
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Então...
00:38
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
00:42
If I controlled the Internet,
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Se eu controlasse a Internet
00:45
you could auction your broken heart on eBay.
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poderiam leiloar o coração partido no eBay
00:49
Take the money; go to Amazon;
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receber o dinheiro, ir à Amazon
00:51
buy a phonebook for a country you've never been to -- call folks at random
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comprar uma lista telefónica de um país nunca visitado, telefonar aleatoriamente para pessoas
00:55
until you find someone who flirts really well in a foreign language.
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até encontrar alguém realmente capaz de namoriscar numa língua estrangeira
00:58
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
00:59
If I were in charge of the Internet,
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Se eu fosse responsável pela Internet,
01:01
you could Mapquest your lover's mood swings.
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poderiam mapear as flutuações de humor do vosso amante.
01:04
Hang left at cranky, right at preoccupied,
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À esquerda adoentado, à direita preocupado,
01:08
U-turn on silent treatment,
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curva apertada para o tratamento de silêncio
01:10
all the way back to tongue kissing and good lovin'.
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inversão de marcha, regresso para um beijo de língua e amor bom,
01:13
You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection.
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e poderiam navegar e compreender todas as encruzilhadas emocionais
01:16
Some days, I'm as shallow as a baking pan,
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Alguns dias, sinto-me tão raso, desmotivado,
01:19
but I still stretch miles in all directions.
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mas mesmo assim desenho milhas em todas as direcções.
01:21
If I owned the Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com
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Se eu fosse o dono da Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com
01:27
would be one big website.
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seriam um site único.
01:29
That way you could listen to cool music
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Dessa forma poderiam ouvir musica porreira
01:31
while you pretend to look for a job
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enquanto fingiam que procuravam um emprego
01:33
and you're really just chattin' with your pals.
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e na realidade estão só a conversar com amigos.
01:35
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
01:36
Heck, if I ran the Web, you could email dead people.
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Se eu governasse a Internet, poderiam enviar emails a pessoas mortas
01:40
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
01:42
They would not email you back
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Elas não responderiam...
01:44
(Laughter) --
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(Risos)
01:45
but you'd get an automated reply.
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mas receberiam uma resposta automática.
01:47
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
01:49
Their name in your inbox
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Com o nome deles na caixa de entrada..
01:51
(Laughter) --
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(Risos)
01:52
it's all you wanted anyway.
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de qualquer forma era só isso que queriam.
01:54
And a message saying, "Hey, it's me. I miss you.
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E a mensagem diria, "Olá, sou eu, tenho saudades tuas.
01:57
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
01:58
Listen, you'll see being dead is dandy.
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Ouve, irás ver que estar morto é janota.
02:01
Now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving candy."
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Agora vai educar crianças, espalhar a paz e pedinchar doces".
02:05
If I designed the Internet, childhood.com would be a loop
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Se eu desenhasse a Internet, childhood.com seria um lugar fechado
02:10
of a boy in an orchard, with a ski pole for a sword,
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com um rapaz num pomar, com um bastão de esqui a fingir de espada,
02:15
trashcan lid for a shield, shouting, "I am the emperor of oranges.
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tampa do balde do lixo como escudo, gritando, "Eu sou o imperador das laranjas.
02:18
I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges."
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Eu sou o imperador das laranjas. Eu sou o imperador das laranjas".
02:21
Now follow me, OK?
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Acompanhem-me, OK?
02:22
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
02:23
Grandma.com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit-bath instructions.
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Avó.com seria uma receita para biscoitos e instruções o banho.
02:26
One, two, three.
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Um, dois, três.
02:28
That links with hotdiggitydog.com.
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Isto ligaria com hotdiggitydog.com.
02:30
That is my grandfather.
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Que é o meu avô.
02:32
They take you to gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage.dad.
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E eles levar-nos-iam para rude-ex-polícia-no-seu-quarto-casamento.pai
02:34
He forms an attachment to
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Que criaria um anexo para
02:35
kind-of-ditzy-but-still-sends-ginger-snaps-for-Christmas.mom,
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meio-aluada-mas-que-não-esquece-os-doces-de-natal.mãe,
02:37
who downloads the boy in the orchard, the emperor of oranges,
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Que descarregaria o rapaz no pomar, o imperador das laranjas,
02:41
who grows up to be me --
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que cresceria e seria eu...
02:44
the guy who usually goes too far.
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o rapaz que geralmente vai longe demais.
02:46
So if I were emperor of the Internet,
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Então se eu fosse o imperador da Internet,
02:49
I guess I'd still be mortal, huh?
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Acho que ainda seria mortal, não?
02:52
But at that point, I would probably
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Mas nesse instante, eu provavelmente
02:54
already have the lowest possible mortgage
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já teria a hipoteca mais baixa possível
02:58
and the most enlarged possible penis
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e o pénis mais aumentado...
03:00
(Laughter) --
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(Risos)
03:01
so I would outlaw spam on my first day in office.
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então eu bania o spam no meu primeiro dia no escritório.
03:03
I wouldn't need it.
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Não precisaria dele.
03:05
I'd be like some kind of Internet genius, and me,
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Eu seria uma espécie de génio da Internet, e eu,
03:07
I'd like to upgrade to deity and maybe just like that --
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gostaria de ser promovido a divindade, e assim, sem mais nem menos...
03:11
pop! -- I'd go wireless.
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... Eu passaria a ser sem fios.
03:14
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
03:15
Huh? Maybe Google would hire this.
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Hã? Talvez o Google contrate isto.
03:17
I could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus
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Eu conseguiria passar pelos vossos servidores e firewalls como um vírus
03:19
until the World Wide Web is as wise, as wild and as organized
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até que a World Wide Web seja tão sábia, tão selvagem e organizada
03:23
as I think a modern-day miracle/oracle can get, but, ooh-eee,
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como eu penso que um moderno milagre/mentor possa ser, mas, ooh-eee,
03:28
you want to bet just how whack and un-PC
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querem apostar quão louco
03:32
your Mac or PC is going to be when I'm rocking
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o vosso PC ou Mac vai ser quando eu começar a curtir
03:34
hot-shit-hot-shot-god.net?
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tiro certeiro deus.net?
03:36
I guess it's just like life.
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Acho que é como a vida.
03:38
It is not a question of if you can --
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Não é uma questão de se poder.
03:40
it's: do ya?
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É uma questão de se querer
03:42
We can interfere with the interface.
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Podemos interferir com o interface.
03:44
We can make "You've got Hallelujah" the national anthem of cyberspace
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Podemos transformar o "You've got Hallelujah" no hino do ciberespaço
03:47
every lucky time we log on.
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cada vez que acedermos.
03:49
You don't say a prayer.
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Não dirás uma oração.
03:51
You don't write a psalm.
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Não escreverás um salmo.
03:53
You don't chant an "om."
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Não cantarás um om.
03:55
You send one blessed email to whomever you're thinking of
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Enviarás um email abençoado para quem estiveres a pensar
03:59
at dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com.
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no dah da la dat da dah da la dat dot com.
04:05
Thank you, TED.
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Obrigado, TED.
04:06
(Applause)
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(Aplausos)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Rives - Performance poet, multimedia artistPerformance artist and storyteller Rives has been called "the first 2.0 poet," using images, video and technology to bring his words to life.
Why you should listen
Part poet, part storyteller, part philosopher, Rives is the co-host of TEDActive as well as a frequent TED speaker. On stage, his poems burst in many directions, exposing multiple layers and unexpected treats: childhood memories, grown-up humor, notions of love and lust, of what is lost forever and of what's still out there waiting to unfold. Chimborazo.
A regular on HBO's Def Poetry Jam, Rives also starred alongside model Bar Refaeli in the 2008 Bravo special Ironic Iconic America, touring the United States on a "roller coaster ride through the eye-popping panorama of American pop culture." Flat pages can't contain his storytelling, even when paper is his medium. The pop-up books he creates for children unfold with surprise: The Christmas Pop-Up Present expands to reveal moving parts, hidden areas and miniature booklets inside.
His latest project—the Museum of Four in the Morning—is an ode to a time that may well be part of a global conspiracy. In a good way.
Rives | Speaker | TED.com