TEDSalon 2006
Rives: If I controlled the Internet
萊維斯控制網路
Filmed:
Readability: 4.5
2,257,231 views
有多少詩人能把ebay, Friendster 及 Monster.com放進三分鐘的詩作中？好好欣賞萊維斯的獨特天分吧!
Rives - Performance poet, multimedia artist
Performance artist and storyteller Rives has been called "the first 2.0 poet," using images, video and technology to bring his words to life. Full bio
Performance artist and storyteller Rives has been called "the first 2.0 poet," using images, video and technology to bring his words to life. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:26
I wrote this poem after hearing a pretty well known actress
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我寫下這首詩是在我聽到一個十分知名的女演員
00:30
tell a very well known interviewer on television,
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在電視上告訴一個家瑜戶曉的主持人
00:33
"I'm really getting into the Internet lately.
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「最近我迷上了網路
00:35
I just wish it were more organized."
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不過我希望它能更加有規律。」
00:37
So ...
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所以
00:38
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
00:42
If I controlled the Internet,
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如果由我來掌控網路的話
00:45
you could auction your broken heart on eBay.
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你可以在eBay拍賣你破碎的心
00:49
Take the money; go to Amazon;
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拿著錢，聯結到亞馬遜網上(網路書店)
00:51
buy a phonebook for a country you've never been to -- call folks at random
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買一本你從未去過的國家的電話簿，打給不認識的人
00:55
until you find someone who flirts really well in a foreign language.
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打不停，直到你找到很會用外文調情的人為止
00:58
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
00:59
If I were in charge of the Internet,
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如果由我掌管網際網路
01:01
you could Mapquest your lover's mood swings.
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你可以查詢你情人的心情動態地圖。
01:04
Hang left at cranky, right at preoccupied,
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暴躁時左轉，沒時間時右轉
01:08
U-turn on silent treatment,
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冷戰時來個迴轉，
01:10
all the way back to tongue kissing and good lovin'.
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一路回到舌吻和美好的戀愛
01:13
You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection.
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每一個情緒路口你都可以導航和理解。
01:16
Some days, I'm as shallow as a baking pan,
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有時候我膚淺的跟平底鍋一樣，
01:19
but I still stretch miles in all directions.
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但我仍朝各個方向延伸好幾哩。
01:21
If I owned the Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com
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如果網際網路歸我所有，Napster, Monster and Friendster.com
01:27
would be one big website.
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會整合成為一個大網站。
01:29
That way you could listen to cool music
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這樣你就可以邊聽酷酷的音樂
01:31
while you pretend to look for a job
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然後一邊假裝找工作
01:33
and you're really just chattin' with your pals.
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但是你其實上是在和朋友聊天。
01:35
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
01:36
Heck, if I ran the Web, you could email dead people.
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為什不行呢~如果我管網路，你可以寄電子郵件給死人
01:40
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
01:42
They would not email you back
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雖然他們無法回信給你
01:44
(Laughter) --
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(笑聲)
01:45
but you'd get an automated reply.
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但你會得到一封自動回覆。
01:47
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
01:49
Their name in your inbox
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他們的名字在你的收件夾匣出現－
01:51
(Laughter) --
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(笑聲)
01:52
it's all you wanted anyway.
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反正你要的不過也是如此。
01:54
And a message saying, "Hey, it's me. I miss you.
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內容寫著：「喂，是我。我想你。
01:57
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
01:58
Listen, you'll see being dead is dandy.
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告訴你，你以後就會知道死亡有多讚。
02:01
Now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving candy."
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你現在繼續去養孩子、鼓吹和平和渴望糖果吧。」
02:05
If I designed the Internet, childhood.com would be a loop
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如果網際網路是我設計的，童年網會是有關
02:10
of a boy in an orchard, with a ski pole for a sword,
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一個在果樹園裡的男孩，以滑雪桿為劍，
02:15
trashcan lid for a shield, shouting, "I am the emperor of oranges.
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垃圾桶蓋為盾，一直喊著：「我是橘子之王。
02:18
I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges."
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我是橘子之王。我是橘子之王。」
02:21
Now follow me, OK?
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跟著我的思考方式一起，好嗎？
02:22
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
02:23
Grandma.com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit-bath instructions.
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祖母網，會是餅乾食譜和如何用口水幫孫子清理的教學。
02:26
One, two, three.
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一、二、三(用口水梳小孩的頭髮)。
02:28
That links with hotdiggitydog.com.
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這帶入了hotdiggitydog.com。
02:30
That is my grandfather.
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他是我祖父。
02:32
They take you to gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage.dad.
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他們倆連結你到「臭臉－退休警察－和他的第四次婚姻的爸爸」。
02:34
He forms an attachment to
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隨帶著的連結是
02:35
kind-of-ditzy-but-still-sends-ginger-snaps-for-Christmas.mom,
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「有點愚蠢－但聖誕節仍然送薑餅的母親」，
02:37
who downloads the boy in the orchard, the emperor of oranges,
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她下載了在果園裡的男孩，橘子之王，
02:41
who grows up to be me --
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長大了之後就是我－
02:44
the guy who usually goes too far.
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一個總是扯太遠的人。
02:46
So if I were emperor of the Internet,
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所以如果我是網路之王
02:49
I guess I'd still be mortal, huh?
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我猜我應該還是凡人吧？
02:52
But at that point, I would probably
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但到時候，我可能
02:54
already have the lowest possible mortgage
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已經有低到不能再低的房貸
02:58
and the most enlarged possible penis
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及大到不能再大的”大老二”
03:00
(Laughter) --
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(笑聲)
03:01
so I would outlaw spam on my first day in office.
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那麼我會在上班第一天宣布垃圾郵件不需要過濾了。
03:03
I wouldn't need it.
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因為我不會需要它。
03:05
I'd be like some kind of Internet genius, and me,
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我會是個網路天才，而我，
03:07
I'd like to upgrade to deity and maybe just like that --
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我希望升級為神人，而或許我就會－
03:11
pop! -- I'd go wireless.
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碰－我變無線了。
03:14
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
03:15
Huh? Maybe Google would hire this.
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啥？搞不好谷歌會用我這個主意。
03:17
I could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus
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我能快速穿梭於你的伺服器和防火牆，就像病毒
03:19
until the World Wide Web is as wise, as wild and as organized
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直到全球資訊網，如此狂野又有規律
03:23
as I think a modern-day miracle/oracle can get, but, ooh-eee,
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一如我覺得現今奇蹟/預言之所能及，但，哎呀，
03:28
you want to bet just how whack and un-PC
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你們要不要賭賭看你們的電腦會
03:32
your Mac or PC is going to be when I'm rocking
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變得多不電腦化，一旦我掌控了
03:34
hot-shit-hot-shot-god.net?
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熱門神人的網站？
03:36
I guess it's just like life.
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我想這就像人生。
03:38
It is not a question of if you can --
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問題不在於你是否可以。
03:40
it's: do ya?
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而是，你要嗎？
03:42
We can interfere with the interface.
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我們可以干涉任何的介面。
03:44
We can make "You've got Hallelujah" the national anthem of cyberspace
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我們可以立「你有哈雷路亞」為虛擬空間的國歌
03:47
every lucky time we log on.
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在每一次我們登入的幸運時間
03:49
You don't say a prayer.
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不用念祈禱文。
03:51
You don't write a psalm.
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不用寫讚美詩。
03:53
You don't chant an "om."
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不用唱頌翁。
03:55
You send one blessed email to whomever you're thinking of
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只要發送一封祈福過的電郵給你想到的任何人
03:59
at dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com.
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在答答啦答答答答啦搭.com。
04:05
Thank you, TED.
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謝謝，TED。
04:06
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Rives - Performance poet, multimedia artistPerformance artist and storyteller Rives has been called "the first 2.0 poet," using images, video and technology to bring his words to life.
Why you should listen
Part poet, part storyteller, part philosopher, Rives is the co-host of TEDActive as well as a frequent TED speaker. On stage, his poems burst in many directions, exposing multiple layers and unexpected treats: childhood memories, grown-up humor, notions of love and lust, of what is lost forever and of what's still out there waiting to unfold. Chimborazo.
A regular on HBO's Def Poetry Jam, Rives also starred alongside model Bar Refaeli in the 2008 Bravo special Ironic Iconic America, touring the United States on a "roller coaster ride through the eye-popping panorama of American pop culture." Flat pages can't contain his storytelling, even when paper is his medium. The pop-up books he creates for children unfold with surprise: The Christmas Pop-Up Present expands to reveal moving parts, hidden areas and miniature booklets inside.
His latest project—the Museum of Four in the Morning—is an ode to a time that may well be part of a global conspiracy. In a good way.
Rives | Speaker | TED.com