ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Rives - Performance poet, multimedia artist
Performance artist and storyteller Rives has been called "the first 2.0 poet," using images, video and technology to bring his words to life.

Why you should listen

Part poet, part storyteller, part philosopher, Rives is the co-host of TEDActive as well as a frequent TED speaker. On stage, his poems burst in many directions, exposing multiple layers and unexpected treats: childhood memories, grown-up humor, notions of love and lust, of what is lost forever and of what's still out there waiting to unfold. Chimborazo.

A regular on HBO's Def Poetry Jam, Rives also starred alongside model Bar Refaeli in the 2008 Bravo special Ironic Iconic America, touring the United States on a "roller coaster ride through the eye-popping panorama of American pop culture." Flat pages can't contain his storytelling, even when paper is his medium. The pop-up books he creates for children unfold with surprise: The Christmas Pop-Up Present expands to reveal moving parts, hidden areas and miniature booklets inside. 

His latest project—the Museum of Four in the Morning—is an ode to a time that may well be part of a global conspiracy. In a good way.  

More profile about the speaker
Rives | Speaker | TED.com
TEDSalon 2006

Rives: If I controlled the Internet

Rives contrôle Internet

Filmed:
2,257,231 views

Combine de poètes pourraient mettre cram eBay, Friendster et Monster.com dans un poème de 3 minutes qui mérite une ovation debout ? Appréciez le talent unique de Rives
- Performance poet, multimedia artist
Performance artist and storyteller Rives has been called "the first 2.0 poet," using images, video and technology to bring his words to life. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:26
I wrote this poem after hearing a pretty well known actress
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J'ai écrit ce poème après avoir entendu
une actrice assez connue
00:30
tell a very well known interviewer on television,
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dire à un présentateur de télévision
très connu,
00:33
"I'm really getting into the Internet lately.
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«Je me mets vraiment à internet
ces temps-ci.
00:35
I just wish it were more organized."
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j'aimerais juste que ce soit
plus organisé.»
00:37
So ...
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Alors ...
00:38
(Laughter)
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(Rires)
00:42
If I controlled the Internet,
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Si je contrôlais internet
00:45
you could auction your broken heart on eBay.
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vous pourriez mettre aux enchères
votre cœur brisé sur eBay.
00:49
Take the money; go to Amazon;
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Prenez l'argent ; allez sur Amazon ;
00:51
buy a phonebook for a country you've never been to -- call folks at random
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achetez l'annuaire d'un pays où vous êtes
jamais allé, appelez les gens au hasard
00:55
until you find someone who flirts really well in a foreign language.
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jusqu'à trouver quelqu'un qui
flirte vraiment bien en langue étrangère.
00:58
(Laughter)
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(RIres)
00:59
If I were in charge of the Internet,
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Si j'étais responsable d'internet,
01:01
you could Mapquest your lover's mood swings.
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vous pourriez mettre les changements
d'humeur de votre amoureuse sur Mapquest.
01:04
Hang left at cranky, right at preoccupied,
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A gauche quand elle est grincheuse,
à droite quand elle est préoccupée,
01:08
U-turn on silent treatment,
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demi-tour quand elle ne vous parle pas,
01:10
all the way back to tongue kissing and good lovin'.
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retour au départ au French kiss
et à l'amour.
01:13
You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection.
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Vous pourriez naviguer et comprendre
chaque carrefour émotionnel.
01:16
Some days, I'm as shallow as a baking pan,
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Certains jours, je suis aussi superficiel
qu'une poêle,
01:19
but I still stretch miles in all directions.
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mais je m'étire encore
dans toutes les directions.
01:21
If I owned the Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com
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SI je possédais internet, Napster,
Monster et Friendster.com
01:27
would be one big website.
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ne feraient qu'un seul gros site.
01:29
That way you could listen to cool music
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Comme ça vous pourriez écouter
de la bonne musique
01:31
while you pretend to look for a job
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tout en faisant semblant
de chercher un travail.
01:33
and you're really just chattin' with your pals.
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quand en fait vous bavardez
avec vos potes.
01:35
(Laughter)
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(Rires)
01:36
Heck, if I ran the Web, you could email dead people.
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Fichtre, si je dirigeais internet,
vous pourriez écrire des emails aux morts.
01:40
(Laughter)
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(Rires)
01:42
They would not email you back
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Ils ne vous répondraient pas.
01:44
(Laughter) --
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(Rires)
01:45
but you'd get an automated reply.
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mais vous recevriez
une réponse automatique.
01:47
(Laughter)
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(Rires)
01:49
Their name in your inbox
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Leur nom serait dans
votre boite de réception
01:51
(Laughter) --
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(Rires)
01:52
it's all you wanted anyway.
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c'est tout ce que vous vouliez en fait.
01:54
And a message saying, "Hey, it's me. I miss you.
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Et un message qui dit,
«Hé, c'est moi, tu me manques.»
01:57
(Laughter)
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(Rires)
01:58
Listen, you'll see being dead is dandy.
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Écoute, tu verras qu'être mort,
c'est chouette.
02:01
Now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving candy."
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Maintenant retourne t'occuper des enfants,
faire la paix , manger des bonbons.»
02:05
If I designed the Internet, childhood.com would be a loop
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SI j'avais conçu internet,
enfance.com serait une boucle
02:10
of a boy in an orchard, with a ski pole for a sword,
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d'un enfant dans un verger,
avec un bâton de ski en guise d'épée,
02:15
trashcan lid for a shield, shouting, "I am the emperor of oranges.
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un couvercle de poubelle comme bouclier,
criant, « Je suis l'empereur des oranges.
02:18
I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges."
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Je suis l'empereur des oranges.
Je suis l'empereur des oranges.»
02:21
Now follow me, OK?
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Vous me suivez maintenant ?
02:22
(Laughter)
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(Rires)
02:23
Grandma.com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit-bath instructions.
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mamie.com aurait une recette de biscuits
et un mode d'emploi de la toilette de chat
02:26
One, two, three.
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Un, deux, trois.
02:28
That links with hotdiggitydog.com.
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Il y a un lien vers hotdiggitydog.com.
02:30
That is my grandfather.
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Ça, c'est mon grand-père.
02:32
They take you to gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage.dad.
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Ils vous emmènent sur
ex-flic-bourru-à-son-4è-marriage.papa
02:34
He forms an attachment to
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Il est relié à
02:35
kind-of-ditzy-but-still-sends-ginger-snaps-for-Christmas.mom,
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un-peu-stupide-mais-envoie-toujours-
des-biscuits-à-noel.maman
02:37
who downloads the boy in the orchard, the emperor of oranges,
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qui télécharge le garçon dans le verger,
l'empereur des oranges
02:41
who grows up to be me --
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qui grandit pour devenir moi,
02:44
the guy who usually goes too far.
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le type qui en général va trop loin.
02:46
So if I were emperor of the Internet,
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Alors si j'étais l'empereur d'internet,
02:49
I guess I'd still be mortal, huh?
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je présume
que je serais encore mortel, hein ?
02:52
But at that point, I would probably
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Mais à ce stade, j'aurais probablement
02:54
already have the lowest possible mortgage
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déjà le taux de crédit
le plus petit possible
02:58
and the most enlarged possible penis
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et le pénis le plus agrandi possible
03:00
(Laughter) --
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(Rires)
03:01
so I would outlaw spam on my first day in office.
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et donc je déclarerais le spam illégal
le premier jour de ma prise de fonction.
03:03
I wouldn't need it.
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Je n'en aurais pas besoin.
03:05
I'd be like some kind of Internet genius, and me,
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Je serais un genre de génie de l'internet,
et moi,
03:07
I'd like to upgrade to deity and maybe just like that --
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j'aimerais me mettre à jour pour être
une divinité et peut-être que comme ça
03:11
pop! -- I'd go wireless.
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pop ! je deviendrais sans fil.
03:14
(Laughter)
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(Rires)
03:15
Huh? Maybe Google would hire this.
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Hein ? Google m'embaucherait peut-être.
03:17
I could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus
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Je pourrais me compresser à travers vos
serveurs et vos pare-feus comme un virus
03:19
until the World Wide Web is as wise, as wild and as organized
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jusqu'à ce que le World Wide Web soit
aussi sage, aussi fou et aussi organisé
03:23
as I think a modern-day miracle/oracle can get, but, ooh-eee,
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que je pense qu'un miracle/oracle moderne
peut l'être, mais oh, hé,
03:28
you want to bet just how whack and un-PC
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vous voulez parier
combien votre Mac ou votre PC
03:32
your Mac or PC is going to be when I'm rocking
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sera ringard et politiquement incorrect
quand je balancerais
03:34
hot-shit-hot-shot-god.net?
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super-merde-super-crack-dieu.net ?
03:36
I guess it's just like life.
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Je suppose que ça ressemble à la vie.
03:38
It is not a question of if you can --
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Ce n'est pas une question
de si vous pouvez,
03:40
it's: do ya?
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c'est : le faites-vous?
03:42
We can interfere with the interface.
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Nous pouvons interférer avec l'interface.
03:44
We can make "You've got Hallelujah" the national anthem of cyberspace
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Nous pouvons faire "Vous avez Halleluia"
l'hymne national du cyberespace
03:47
every lucky time we log on.
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chaque heureuse fois
que nous nous connectons.
03:49
You don't say a prayer.
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Vous ne dites pas une prière.
03:51
You don't write a psalm.
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Vous n'écrivez pas un psaume.
03:53
You don't chant an "om."
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Vous ne scandez pas un "om, "
03:55
You send one blessed email to whomever you're thinking of
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Vous envoyez un e mail
béni à qui vous pensez
03:59
at dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com.
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à dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com.
04:05
Thank you, TED.
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Merci, TED.
04:06
(Applause)
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(applaudissements)
Translated by Elisabeth Buffard

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Rives - Performance poet, multimedia artist
Performance artist and storyteller Rives has been called "the first 2.0 poet," using images, video and technology to bring his words to life.

Why you should listen

Part poet, part storyteller, part philosopher, Rives is the co-host of TEDActive as well as a frequent TED speaker. On stage, his poems burst in many directions, exposing multiple layers and unexpected treats: childhood memories, grown-up humor, notions of love and lust, of what is lost forever and of what's still out there waiting to unfold. Chimborazo.

A regular on HBO's Def Poetry Jam, Rives also starred alongside model Bar Refaeli in the 2008 Bravo special Ironic Iconic America, touring the United States on a "roller coaster ride through the eye-popping panorama of American pop culture." Flat pages can't contain his storytelling, even when paper is his medium. The pop-up books he creates for children unfold with surprise: The Christmas Pop-Up Present expands to reveal moving parts, hidden areas and miniature booklets inside. 

His latest project—the Museum of Four in the Morning—is an ode to a time that may well be part of a global conspiracy. In a good way.  

More profile about the speaker
Rives | Speaker | TED.com
THE ORIGINAL VIDEO ON TED.COM