Justin Baldoni: Why I'm done trying to be "man enough"
جوستين بالدوني: لِمَ اكتفيتُ من محاولة أن أكون "رجلًا بما فيه الكفاية"
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
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that someone else wrote.
male role models ever
على الإطلاق
as "Male Escort #1."
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
"مهاجمة سمك القرش في العطلة الربيعية."
وعاري الصدر"
well-known role, as Rafael.
the kind of man I am in my real life,
الذي أنا عليه في حقيقة حياتي،
very different than myself.
بطريقة مختلفة عن شخصيتي.
one of these roles, I was surprised,
أشعر بالدهشة،
I play ooze machismo,
ثمثلُ الرجل العدواني الفظ،
that's just not how I see myself.
في شخصيتي.
a man that I'm not my entire life.
الذي لم أكن طيلة حياتي.
to be strong when I felt weak,
عندما شعرتُ بالضعف،
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
أتظاهرُ من أجل العرض فقط،
man enough for everyone all the time.
للجميع كل الأوقات.
as I can remember, I've been told
تم إخباري
that I should grow up to be.
accepted and liked by the other boys,
ومحبوبًا من قبل الأولاد الآخرين،
of the feminine,
is the opposite of masculine,
embodying any of these qualities
and boys are strong.
والأولاد أقوياء.
subconsciously communicated
والفتيات صغار السن في جميع أنحاء العالم،
and girls all over the world,
to give a history lesson.
أليس صحيحًا؟
after 30 years and realized
بعد 30 عامًا وأدركتُ
tells me as a man I should be.
broken definition of masculinity,
الناقص للرجولة،
to be a good man.
embrace the qualities
are feminine in ourselves
from the women who embody them.
اللواتي يجسدن هذه الصفات.
we have learned is toxic. OK?
هو ذو تأثير سيء جدًا، أليس كذلك؟
inherently wrong with you or me,
خطأ متأصل معكم أو معي،
we have to stop being men.
التوقف لنكون رجالًا.
is if we take a real honest look
هي إذا نظرنا بصدق حقيقي
passed down to us
as men, we choose to take on
came from my dad.
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
as a kid I resented him for it,
لأجل هذه التعليمات،
in the small town in Oregon
في مدينة صغيرة في ولاية أوريغون
meant that I was bullied.
traditionally masculine,
how to hunt, how to fight,
and provide for your family.
I learned how to play from my dad,
وهو كيفية تمثيل الدور،
learned it from his dad,
to support his family,
كبوّاب لدعم عائلته،
just reach out to another man
الوصول إلى رجلٍ آخر
he's got to do it all on his own?
بأن عليه القيام بكل شيء بمفردة؟
that they're hurting.
like, strong silent types.
أشخاص صامتون أقوياء،
at making friends, and talking,
في تكوين أصدقاء، والحديث،
or politics or women,
أو السياسة أو النساء،
our insecurities or our struggles,
بالأمن أو صراعاتنا،
that I have been practicing
that force me to be vulnerable.
تجبرني لأكون هشًا.
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
في حياتي،
permission to do the same.
الرجال الآخرين الإذن بالقيام بنفس الشيء.
to talk to my guy friends about,
مع أصدقائي الرجال حولها،
and see me as weak
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
في رحلة شبابية لمدة ثلاثة أيام
the strength to talk to them
something amazing happened.
and the courage to share my shame,
a system of accountability.
of authenticity and vulnerability.
من الأصالة والضعف.
it's been heartwarming.
and positive messages daily.
الحب المطبوعة والإيجابية يوميًا.
through some of the comments,
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
ألحقت اسم صديقها في الصورة،
في هراء المثليين.
less of a man, right?
أقل من رجل، أليس صحيحًا؟
of masculinity,
why my love for my wife
honestly I just wanted to learn.
but instead he apologized.
لكنه بدلًا من ذلك اعتذر لي.
were looked down on.
and struggling with his ego,
مع غروره بنفسه/الأنا،
he was just playing his role,
for permission to express himself,
للتعبير عن نفسه،
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
ويحدثُ مكانًا آمنًا له ليشعر،
that transformation is possible,
how I could reach more men,
إلى المزيد من الرجال،
were following me.
stereotypically masculine things --
النمطية الذكورية،
my meal plans,
وخطط وجباتي الغذائية،
after an injury.
for the first time in my entire career,
لأول مرة في حياتي العملية بأكملها،
as one of their game-changers.
من مغيري اللعبة لديهم.
how much I love my wife
is challenging but beautiful,
هو تحدي لكنه جميل،
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
أعاني من بنيتي الجسدية العضلية،
then only the women show up.
يظهرُ لاحقًا النساء فقط.
to challenge each other.
men that we can be.
our identities are wrapped up
تم تغليف هوياتنا
we feel like we're man enough.
بأننا رجال بما فيه الكفاية.
if you can use the same qualities
استخدام نفس الصفات
your toughness:
and use them to explore our hearts?
واستخدامها لاستكشاف قلوبنا؟
when you need help?
عندما تحتاجُون المساعدة؟
is against you?
when you hear "locker room talk,"
عندما تسمعون "حديث غرف تغيير الملابس،"
of sexual harassment?
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
عن لمس مؤخرة إحداهن أو جعلها تثمل،
and do something
we don't have to live in a world
to say the words "me too?"
been hurting the women in my life,
لا شعوريًا للنساء في حياتي،
acting in a certain way that hurt her
بطريقة معينة مما أساء إليها
when she would go to speak,
في بعض الأحيان،
and finish her thought for her.
وأكملُ فكرتها بالنيابة عنها.
unaware when I was doing it.
مدرك تمامًا عندما كنتُ أقوم بذلك.
of women around the world,
to silence the woman I love the most.
المرأة التي أحبها أكثر شيء.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
أتمنى لو ما حصلتُ على التصفيق.
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
يبدو الأمر أكثر قبحًا، أؤكد لك ذلك.
and violence against women
والعنف ضد النساء
past our privilege
not just part of the problem.
because we put it there,
a part of the solution,
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
من الكتابات البهائية.
is possessed of two wings,
يحوزُ على جناحين،
are not equivalent in strength,
غير متكافئين في القوة،
relied on your strength.
فيها على قوتكن.
to ask you to formally help us,
We're going to be tone-deaf.
ولن نجيد القيام الشيء بشكلٍ جيد.
going to offend you.
to stand up and become your allies
in celebrating our vulnerability
how to be good humans?
كيف يكونوا بشرًا طيبين فقط؟
I had my fair share of issues,
كان لدي نصيبي العادل من القضايا،
even thanks to his sensitivity
talking to you in the first place.
للحديث إليكم في المقام الأول.
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
أدركُ الآن بأن لا علاقة له به.
and my longing to be accepted
وشوقي لأن أكون مقبولًا
that was never meant for me.
how to use my hands,
more a man than anything.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneurAn outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity.
Why you should listen
Justin Baldoni is an actor, director and entrepreneur whose efforts are focused on creating impactful media. He can be seen playing Rafael on CW’s award-winning phenomenon Jane the Virgin. In 2012, Baldoni created the most watched digital documentary series in history, My Last Days, a show about living told by the dying. On the heels of that success, Baldoni founded Wayfarer Entertainment, a digital media studio focused on disruptive inspiration.
In 2014 Baldoni started the annual Carnival of Love with a mission to improve the way the Los Angeles community views and interacts those experiencing homelessness. To support his work on Skid Row, he started the Wayfarer Foundation, which supports his work breaking the cycle of homelessness and supporting individuals facing terminal illness.
Justin Baldoni | Speaker | TED.com