Justin Baldoni: Why I'm done trying to be "man enough"
ג'סטין בלדוני: למה נמאס לי לנסות להיות "גבר מספיק"
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
that someone else wrote.
male role models ever
הגבריים הנפלאים ביותר
as "Male Escort #1."
"גבר ליווי מס' 1"
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
"מים מסוכנים: מתקפת הכרישים".
well-known role, as Rafael.
the kind of man I am in my real life,
את סוג האדם שאני בחיים האמיתיים.
very different than myself.
שהנן שונות מאוד ממני.
one of these roles, I was surprised,
אחד מהתפקידים האלה הופתעתי,
I play ooze machismo,
נוטפות מצ'ואיזם.
that's just not how I see myself.
זה לא איך שאני רואה את עצמי.
a man that I'm not my entire life.
מישהו שונה ממי שאני באמת.
to be strong when I felt weak,
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
man enough for everyone all the time.
לנסות להיות גברי בעיני כולם כל הזמן.
as I can remember, I've been told
that I should grow up to be.
accepted and liked by the other boys,
ואהוד ע"י הבנים האחרים,
of the feminine,
is the opposite of masculine,
embodying any of these qualities
and boys are strong.
subconsciously communicated
and girls all over the world,
מכל העולם,
to give a history lesson.
בסדר?
after 30 years and realized
tells me as a man I should be.
שאני צריך להיות כגבר.
broken definition of masculinity,
הגדרה שבורה של גבריות,
to be a good man.
embrace the qualities
are feminine in ourselves
from the women who embody them.
we have learned is toxic. OK?
inherently wrong with you or me,
משהו פגום מטבעו.
we have to stop being men.
להפסיק להיות גברים.
is if we take a real honest look
אם נתבונן בצורה כנה
passed down to us
as men, we choose to take on
came from my dad.
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
as a kid I resented him for it,
in the small town in Oregon
meant that I was bullied.
traditionally masculine,
לא היה גברי באופן מקובל,
how to hunt, how to fight,
and provide for your family.
I learned how to play from my dad,
מאבא שלי כיצד לשחק,
learned it from his dad,
to support his family,
כדי לפרנס את משפחתו,
just reach out to another man
he's got to do it all on his own?
שהוא צריך לעשות הכל בעצמו?
that they're hurting.
like, strong silent types.
at making friends, and talking,
ברכישת חברים, וגם בדיבורים,
or politics or women,
our insecurities or our struggles,
או על המאבקים שלנו,
that I have been practicing
that force me to be vulnerable.
שדורשים ממני להיות חשוף.
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
בחיים שלי,
permission to do the same.
הרשות לעשות גם הם את אותו דבר.
to talk to my guy friends about,
and see me as weak
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
לשלושה ימים מחוץ לעיר --
the strength to talk to them
something amazing happened.
and the courage to share my shame,
לחלוק בבושה שלי,
a system of accountability.
מערכת של מחויבויות.
הפלטפורמה התקשורתית שלי
of authenticity and vulnerability.
של אותנטיות ופגיעות.
it's been heartwarming.
and positive messages daily.
ותגובות חיוביות מדי יום.
through some of the comments,
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
תייגה את החבר שלה בתמונה,
less of a man, right?
נכון?
of masculinity,
why my love for my wife
honestly I just wanted to learn.
but instead he apologized.
אבל במקום זה הוא התנצל.
were looked down on.
התקבל בצורה שלילית.
and struggling with his ego,
he was just playing his role,
הוא רק שיחק את התפקיד שלו,
for permission to express himself,
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
מרחב בטוח להרגיש,
that transformation is possible,
how I could reach more men,
להגיע ליותר גברים,
were following me.
stereotypically masculine things --
יותר גבריים באופן סטריאוטיפי --
my meal plans,
תכנית הארוחות שלי,
after an injury.
for the first time in my entire career,
בפעם הראשונה בקריירה שלי,
as one of their game-changers.
מרשימת האנשים שמשנים את חוקי המשחק.
how much I love my wife
is challenging but beautiful,
דבר מאתגר אבל נפלא,
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
בהפרעת גוף דיסמורפית,
then only the women show up.
אז רק נשים מגיבות.
to challenge each other.
לאתגר אחד את השני.
men that we can be.
שאנו יכולים להיות.
our identities are wrapped up
הזהויות שלנו כרוכות
we feel like we're man enough.
או לא מרגישים גבריים מספיק.
if you can use the same qualities
יכולים להשתמש באותן תכונות
your toughness:
and use them to explore our hearts?
ולהשתמש בהם כדי לחקור את מה שבתוכנו?
when you need help?
is against you?
when you hear "locker room talk,"
אתם שומעים שיחות "חדרי הלבשה,"
of sexual harassment?
על הטרדה מינית?
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
על לתפוס תחת או לגרום לה להשתכר,
and do something
we don't have to live in a world
to say the words "me too?"
"Me Too" (גם אני)?
been hurting the women in my life,
בנשים בחיי באופן לא מודע,
acting in a certain way that hurt her
when she would go to speak,
and finish her thought for her.
ומסיים את המחשבה שלה בשבילה.
unaware when I was doing it.
לא הייתי מודע לכך שאני עושה את זה.
of women around the world,
to silence the woman I love the most.
להשתיק את האישה שאני הכי אוהב.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
הלוואי שלא הייתי מקבל מחיאות כפיים.
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
זה נהיה יותר מכוער, אני מבטיח לכם.
and violence against women
past our privilege
לזכויות היתר שלנו
not just part of the problem.
because we put it there,
a part of the solution,
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
מהכתבים הבהאיים.
is possessed of two wings,
are not equivalent in strength,
relied on your strength.
to ask you to formally help us,
באופן רשמי לעזור לנו,
We're going to be tone-deaf.
אנחנו נזייף.
going to offend you.
to stand up and become your allies
לעמוד ולהפוך לבעלי הברית שלכן
in celebrating our vulnerability
לשמוח בפגיעות שלנו
how to be good humans?
I had my fair share of issues,
even thanks to his sensitivity
היה הודות לרגישות שלו
talking to you in the first place.
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
לא היה קשור אליו בכלל.
and my longing to be accepted
that was never meant for me.
how to use my hands,
איך להשתמש בידיים,
more a man than anything.
מכל דבר אחר.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneurAn outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity.
Why you should listen
Justin Baldoni is an actor, director and entrepreneur whose efforts are focused on creating impactful media. He can be seen playing Rafael on CW’s award-winning phenomenon Jane the Virgin. In 2012, Baldoni created the most watched digital documentary series in history, My Last Days, a show about living told by the dying. On the heels of that success, Baldoni founded Wayfarer Entertainment, a digital media studio focused on disruptive inspiration.
In 2014 Baldoni started the annual Carnival of Love with a mission to improve the way the Los Angeles community views and interacts those experiencing homelessness. To support his work on Skid Row, he started the Wayfarer Foundation, which supports his work breaking the cycle of homelessness and supporting individuals facing terminal illness.
Justin Baldoni | Speaker | TED.com