TEDWomen 2017
Justin Baldoni: Why I'm done trying to be "man enough"
Justin Baldoni: Zašto sam se prestao truditi biti "dovoljno muško"
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Justin Baldoni želi pokrenuti dijalog s muškarcima o redefiniranju muževnosti, kako bismo shvatili na koji način postati ne samo dobrim muškarcima, već i dobrim ljudima. U toplom, osobnom govoru, Justin dijeli svoje napore u pokušaju spajanja sebe onakvog kakav jest s onim koji se od njega očekuje da bude. Ima i izazov za sve muškarce:"Vidite možete li iste kvalitete koje osjećate da vas čine muškim, iskoristiti za dublje otkrivanje sebe", kaže Baldoni. "Vaša snaga, vaša hrabrost, vaša otpornost: jeste li dovoljno hrabri da budete ranjivi? Jeste li dovoljno jaki da budete osjećajni? Jeste li dovoljno sigurni u sebe da slušate žene u vašem životu?"
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneur
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
As an actor, I get scripts
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Kao glumac, dobijem scenarije
i moje je da ih se pridržavam,
00:15
and it's my job to stay on script,
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00:18
to say my lines
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da izgovaram svoj tekst
00:19
and bring to life a character
that someone else wrote.
that someone else wrote.
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i oživljavam lik kojeg je
netko drugi napisao.
netko drugi napisao.
00:23
Over the course of my career,
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U svojoj karijeri
00:25
I've had the great honor
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imao sam veliku čast
00:27
playing some of the greatest
male role models ever
male role models ever
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odigrati neke od najvećih muških uloga
00:31
represented on television.
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ikad prikazanih na televiziji.
00:33
You might recognize me
as "Male Escort #1."
as "Male Escort #1."
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Možda me prepoznajete
kao "Muškog pratitelja br.1".
kao "Muškog pratitelja br.1".
00:36
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
00:38
"Photographer Date Rapist,"
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"Fotografa silovatelja",
00:42
"Shirtless Date Rapist"
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"Silovatelja bez majice",
00:43
from the award-winning
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
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iz nagrađivanog filma
"Spring Break Shark Attack" (2005).
"Spring Break Shark Attack" (2005).
00:46
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
00:48
"Shirtless Medical Student,"
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"Student medicine bez majice",
00:49
"Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man"
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"Prevarant na steroidima bez majice",
00:51
and, in my most
well-known role, as Rafael.
well-known role, as Rafael.
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i, moja najpoznatija uloga, Rafael.
00:55
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
00:58
A brooding, reformed playboy
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Zamišljeni, reformirani playboy
01:01
who falls for, of all things, a virgin,
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koji padne na, zamislite, djevicu
01:04
and who is only occasionally shirtless.
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i koji samo povremeno nema majicu.
01:06
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
01:08
Now, these roles don't represent
the kind of man I am in my real life,
the kind of man I am in my real life,
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Ove me uloge ne predstavljaju onakvog
kakav sam u stvarnom životu,
kakav sam u stvarnom životu,
01:12
but that's what I love about acting.
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ali upravo to i volim kod glume.
01:14
I get to live inside characters
very different than myself.
very different than myself.
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Imam priliku živjeti u likovima
različitima od mene samog.
različitima od mene samog.
01:18
But every time I got
one of these roles, I was surprised,
one of these roles, I was surprised,
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No, svaki put kad bih dobio
takvu ulogu, ostao bih iznenađen,
takvu ulogu, ostao bih iznenađen,
01:22
because most of the men
I play ooze machismo,
I play ooze machismo,
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jer većina muškaraca koje glumim
zrači muževnošću,
zrači muževnošću,
01:25
charisma and power,
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karizmom i snagom,
01:27
and when I look in the mirror,
that's just not how I see myself.
that's just not how I see myself.
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a kad se pogledam u zrcalo,
sebe ne doživljavam tako.
sebe ne doživljavam tako.
01:30
But it was how Hollywood saw me,
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No, tako me je doživio Hollywood,
01:32
and over time, I noticed a parallel
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a s vremenom sam primijetio paralelu
01:34
between the roles I would play as a man
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među ulogama muškaraca koje sam glumio,
01:36
both on-screen and off.
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na ekranu i u stvarnom životu.
01:41
I've been pretending to be
a man that I'm not my entire life.
a man that I'm not my entire life.
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Cijeli život pravio sam se
da sam netko tko nisam.
da sam netko tko nisam.
01:45
I've been pretending
to be strong when I felt weak,
to be strong when I felt weak,
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Hinio sam da sam snažan
kada sam bio ranjiv,
kada sam bio ranjiv,
01:49
confident when I felt insecure
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da sam siguran u sebe, kada to nisam bio,
01:53
and tough when really I was hurting.
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i da sam jak kada sam, zapravo, patio.
01:56
I think for the most part
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
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Mislim da sam se uglavnom pretvarao,
02:00
but I'm tired of performing.
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ali umoran sam od glumatanja.
02:03
And I can tell you right now
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I mogu vam reći
02:05
that it is exhausting trying to be
man enough for everyone all the time.
man enough for everyone all the time.
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da je iscrpljujuće pokušavati
stalno i sve muški podnositi.
stalno i sve muški podnositi.
02:12
Now -- right?
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Nije li tako?
02:13
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
02:16
My brother heard that.
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Moj brat je to čuo.
02:18
Now, for as long
as I can remember, I've been told
as I can remember, I've been told
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Otkad pamtim za sebe, govorili su mi
02:20
the kind of man
that I should grow up to be.
that I should grow up to be.
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kakav čovjek moram postati.
02:23
As a boy, all I wanted was to be
accepted and liked by the other boys,
accepted and liked by the other boys,
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Kao dijete, samo sam želio da me
ostali dječaci prihvate i vole,
ostali dječaci prihvate i vole,
02:28
but that acceptance meant I had to acquire
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ali to je podrazumijevalo
02:30
this almost disgusted view
of the feminine,
of the feminine,
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da mi se ženstvenost gotovo mora gaditi,
02:32
and since we were told that feminine
is the opposite of masculine,
is the opposite of masculine,
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a kako su nas učili da je
ženstveno obrnuto od muževnog,
ženstveno obrnuto od muževnog,
02:35
I either had to reject
embodying any of these qualities
embodying any of these qualities
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morao sam ili odbiti
utjelovljenje oba svojstva,
utjelovljenje oba svojstva,
02:38
or face rejection myself.
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ili biti odbijen od drugih.
02:41
This is the script that we've been given.
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Svi smo dobili ovaj isti scenarij.
02:44
Right? Girls are weak,
and boys are strong.
and boys are strong.
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Nije li tako? Cure su slabe,
dečki su snažni.
dečki su snažni.
02:48
This is what's being
subconsciously communicated
subconsciously communicated
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Ta se poruka podsvjesno šalje
02:50
to hundreds of millions of young boys
and girls all over the world,
and girls all over the world,
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stotinama milijuna dječaka
i djevojčica diljem svijeta,
i djevojčica diljem svijeta,
02:54
just like it was with me.
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kao što je poslana meni.
02:56
Well, I came here today to say, as a man
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E pa, danas sam, kao muškarac, došao reći
03:01
that this is wrong, this is toxic,
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da je to pogrešno, toksično,
03:04
and it has to end.
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i da mora prestati.
03:06
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
03:12
Now, I'm not here
to give a history lesson.
to give a history lesson.
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Nisam ovdje da držim
predavanja o povijesti.
predavanja o povijesti.
03:16
We likely all know how we got here, OK?
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Svi vjerojatno znamo kako smo
ovamo dospjeli, je li tako?
ovamo dospjeli, je li tako?
03:18
But I'm just a guy that woke up
after 30 years and realized
after 30 years and realized
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Ja sam samo tip koji se probudio
nakon 30 godina i shvatio
nakon 30 godina i shvatio
03:21
that I was living in a state of conflict,
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da sam živio u stanju sukoba,
03:23
conflict with who I feel I am in my core
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između onoga što osjećam
da u suštini jesam
da u suštini jesam
03:26
and conflict with who the world
tells me as a man I should be.
tells me as a man I should be.
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i onoga kakav bih trebao biti
prema očekivanjima drugih.
prema očekivanjima drugih.
03:30
But I don't have a desire
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No, nije mi želja
03:31
to fit into the current
broken definition of masculinity,
broken definition of masculinity,
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uklopiti se u trenutačnu razbijenu
definiciju muževnosti,
definiciju muževnosti,
03:35
because I don't just want
to be a good man.
to be a good man.
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jer ja ne želim biti samo dobar muškarac.
03:39
I want to be a good human.
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Želim biti dobar čovjek.
03:42
And I believe the only way that can happen
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I vjerujem da se to može dogoditi samo ako
03:44
is if men learn to not only
embrace the qualities
embrace the qualities
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muškarci nauče ne samo
prihvaćati svoje kvalitete
prihvaćati svoje kvalitete
03:46
that we were told
are feminine in ourselves
are feminine in ourselves
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za koje su nam tvrdili da su ženstvene,
03:50
but to be willing to stand up,
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već i da budu spremni zauzeti se,
03:52
to champion and learn
from the women who embody them.
from the women who embody them.
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boriti se i učiti od žena
koje ih utjelovljuju.
koje ih utjelovljuju.
03:57
Now, men --
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E sada, muškarci --
03:58
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
04:00
I am not saying that everything
we have learned is toxic. OK?
we have learned is toxic. OK?
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Ne kažem da je sve što smo
naučili toksično, ok?
naučili toksično, ok?
04:03
I'm not saying there's anything
inherently wrong with you or me,
inherently wrong with you or me,
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Ne kažem da nešto suštinski
ne valja s vama ili sa mnom
ne valja s vama ili sa mnom
04:06
and men, I'm not saying
we have to stop being men.
we have to stop being men.
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i ne govorim muškarcima
da to više ne budu.
da to više ne budu.
04:09
But we need balance, right?
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No, treba nam ravnoteža, nije li tako?
04:12
We need balance,
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Treba nam ravnoteža,
04:14
and the only way things will change
is if we take a real honest look
is if we take a real honest look
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a jedini način da se stvari promjene
jest da iskreno proučimo
jest da iskreno proučimo
04:18
at the scripts that have been
passed down to us
passed down to us
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tekst koji su nam proslijedili
04:20
from generation to generation
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iz naraštaja u naraštaj
04:22
and the roles that,
as men, we choose to take on
as men, we choose to take on
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i uloge koje smo kao muškarci
sami odabirali
sami odabirali
04:25
in our everyday lives.
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za svoju svakodnevicu.
04:27
So speaking of scripts,
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Kada govorimo o scenariju,
04:28
the first script I ever got
came from my dad.
came from my dad.
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prvi sam dobio od svog oca.
04:32
My dad is awesome.
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Moj je otac fenomenalan.
04:33
He's loving, he's kind,
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
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Pun je ljubavi, ljubazan,
osjetljiv i pažljiv,
osjetljiv i pažljiv,
04:40
he's here.
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prisutan je.
04:42
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
04:48
He's crying.
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Plače.
04:49
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
04:52
But, sorry, Dad,
as a kid I resented him for it,
as a kid I resented him for it,
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Oprosti, tata, ali kao dijete
to sam mu zamjerao,
to sam mu zamjerao,
04:56
because I blamed him for making me soft,
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krivio sam ga što me učinio preblagim,
04:59
which wasn't welcomed
in the small town in Oregon
in the small town in Oregon
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a to se nije prihvaćalo
u gradiću u Oregonu
u gradiću u Oregonu
05:01
that we had moved to.
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u koji smo preselili.
05:03
Because being soft
meant that I was bullied.
meant that I was bullied.
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Jer biti blag značilo je
da će te maltretirati.
da će te maltretirati.
05:06
See, my dad wasn't
traditionally masculine,
traditionally masculine,
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Vidite, moj tata nije bio
tradicionalno muževan,
tradicionalno muževan,
05:08
so he didn't teach me how to use my hands.
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pa me nije podučio kako se tući.
05:10
He didn't teach me
how to hunt, how to fight,
how to hunt, how to fight,
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Nije me naučio kako loviti, boriti se,
05:14
you know, man stuff.
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znate već, te muške stvari.
05:17
Instead he taught me what he knew:
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Umjesto toga, naučio me ono što je znao:
05:19
that being a man was about sacrifice
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da je biti muškarac
značilo i podnositi žrtve
značilo i podnositi žrtve
05:23
and doing whatever you can
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i činiti sve u vašoj moći
05:24
to take care of
and provide for your family.
and provide for your family.
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kako biste se pobrinuli za svoju obitelj.
05:27
But there was another role
I learned how to play from my dad,
I learned how to play from my dad,
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No, od svojeg sam tate
naučio još jednu ulogu,
naučio još jednu ulogu,
05:29
who, I discovered,
learned it from his dad,
learned it from his dad,
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koju je on, kako sam otkrio,
naučio od svog tate,
naučio od svog tate,
05:32
a state senator
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državnog senatora
05:33
who later in life
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koji je u poodmakloj dobi
05:35
had to work nights as a janitor
to support his family,
to support his family,
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morao raditi kao domar noću,
kako bi priskrbio za svoju obitelj,
kako bi priskrbio za svoju obitelj,
05:39
and he never told a soul.
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a to nikad nikome nije rekao.
05:41
That role was to suffer in secret.
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Tu je ulogu u tišini otrpio.
05:43
And now three generations later,
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I sada, gotovo tri naraštaja kasnije,
05:46
I find myself playing that role, too.
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i ja igram istu ulogu.
05:49
So why couldn't my grandfather
just reach out to another man
just reach out to another man
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Zašto moj djed nije jednostavno potražio
05:53
and ask for help?
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pomoć od drugog muškarca?
05:54
Why does my dad to this day still think
he's got to do it all on his own?
he's got to do it all on his own?
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Zašto moj otac i dan danas
smatra da sve mora činiti sam?
smatra da sve mora činiti sam?
05:58
I know a man who would rather die
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Znam čovjeka koji bi radije umro
06:01
than tell another man
that they're hurting.
that they're hurting.
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nego drugom muškarcu priznao da pati.
06:04
But it's not because we're just all,
like, strong silent types.
like, strong silent types.
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Ali ne zato što smo svi
snažni, tihi tipovi.
snažni, tihi tipovi.
06:08
It's not. A lot of us men are really good
at making friends, and talking,
at making friends, and talking,
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Ne. Mnogi su među nama dobri
u sklapanju prijateljstava, razgovoru,
u sklapanju prijateljstava, razgovoru,
06:13
just not about anything real.
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samo ne o nečemu stvarnome.
06:15
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
06:17
If it's about work or sports
or politics or women,
or politics or women,
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Ako se radi o poslu ili sportu,
politici ili ženama,
politici ili ženama,
06:21
we have no problem sharing our opinions,
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bez problema reći ćemo što mislimo,
06:24
but if it's about
our insecurities or our struggles,
our insecurities or our struggles,
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ali ako se radi o našim
nesigurnostima ili borbama,
nesigurnostima ili borbama,
06:27
our fear of failure,
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strahu od neuspjeha,
06:30
then it's almost like we become paralyzed.
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gotovo da smo paralizirani.
06:33
At least, I do.
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Barem je to slučaj sa mnom.
06:37
So some of the ways
that I have been practicing
that I have been practicing
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Pokušao sam uvježbati
06:40
breaking free of this behavior
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oslobađanje od takvog ponašanja
06:41
are by creating experiences
that force me to be vulnerable.
that force me to be vulnerable.
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tako da stvorim iskustva koja
me čine ranjivim.
me čine ranjivim.
06:46
So if there's something
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
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Pa tako, ako se nečega
u svom životu sramim,
u svom životu sramim,
06:50
I practice diving straight into it,
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vježbam kako se upustiti ravno u to,
06:53
no matter how scary it is --
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ma koliko to bilo strašno,
06:55
and sometimes, even publicly.
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a ponekad to činim čak i javno.
06:58
Because then in doing so
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Na taj način,
07:00
I take away its power,
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oduzmem tomu moć
07:02
and my display of vulnerability
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i moja otkrivena ranjivost
07:04
can in some cases give other men
permission to do the same.
permission to do the same.
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može ponukati i druge
muškarce da učine isto.
muškarce da učine isto.
07:09
As an example, a little while ago
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Primjera radi,
07:11
I was wrestling with an issue in my life
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nedavno sam se borio s nečim
o čemu sam znao
o čemu sam znao
07:13
that I knew I needed
to talk to my guy friends about,
to talk to my guy friends about,
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da moram razgovarati
sa svojim muškim prijateljima,
sa svojim muškim prijateljima,
07:17
but I was so paralyzed by fear
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ali toliko me paralizirao strah
da će me osuđivati
i doživljavati kao slabića,
i doživljavati kao slabića,
07:21
that they would judge me
and see me as weak
and see me as weak
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07:23
and I would lose my standing as a leader
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te da ću izgubiti svoj položaj vođe,
07:27
that I knew I had to take them
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
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da sam znao da ih moram odvesti
na trodnevni muški izlet --
na trodnevni muški izlet --
07:32
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
07:33
Just to open up. And guess what?
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samo da otvorim dušu. I znate što?
07:36
It wasn't until the end of the third day
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Tek sam potkraj trećeg dana
07:38
that I finally found
the strength to talk to them
the strength to talk to them
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konačno smogao hrabrosti
razgovarati s njima
razgovarati s njima
07:42
about what I was going through.
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o tome što sam proživljavao.
07:45
But when I did,
something amazing happened.
something amazing happened.
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No, jednom kad jesam,
zbilo se nešto divno.
zbilo se nešto divno.
07:47
I realized that I wasn't alone,
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Shvatio sam da nisam sâm,
07:50
because my guys had also been struggling.
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jer i moje je dečke to isto mučilo.
07:53
And as soon as I found the strength
and the courage to share my shame,
and the courage to share my shame,
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I čim sam smogao snage i hrabrosti
da podijelim svoj sram,
da podijelim svoj sram,
07:57
it was gone.
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on je nestao.
07:59
Now, I've learned over time
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S vremenom sam naučio
08:01
that if I want to practice vulnerability,
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da si, ako želim vježbati ranjivost,
08:03
then I need to build myself
a system of accountability.
a system of accountability.
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moram izgraditi sustav odgovornosti.
08:06
So I've been really blessed as an actor.
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Kao glumac bio sam blagoslovljen.
08:10
I've built a really wonderful fan base,
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Izgradio sam si divnu bazu obožavatelja,
08:13
really, really sweet and engaged,
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koji su doista dragi i aktivni
08:15
and so I decided to use my social platform
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i odlučio sam svoju društvenu
platformu iskoristiti
platformu iskoristiti
08:18
as kind of this Trojan horse
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kao neku vrstu trojanskog konja
08:20
wherein I could create a daily practice
of authenticity and vulnerability.
of authenticity and vulnerability.
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u kojem mogu svakodnevno
vježbati autentičnost i ranjivost.
vježbati autentičnost i ranjivost.
08:25
The response has been incredible.
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Reakcije su bile nevjerojatne.
08:27
It's been affirming,
it's been heartwarming.
it's been heartwarming.
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Pune odobravanja, topline.
08:31
I get tons of love and press
and positive messages daily.
and positive messages daily.
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Svakodnevno primam na tone
ljubavi, publiciteta i pozitivnih poruka.
ljubavi, publiciteta i pozitivnih poruka.
08:36
But it's all from a certain demographic:
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No, sve to dolazi
iz jedne demografske skupine:
iz jedne demografske skupine:
08:40
women.
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žene.
08:41
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:44
This is real.
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Istina je.
08:47
Why are only women following me?
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Zašto me prate samo žene?
08:50
Where are the men?
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Gdje su muškarci?
08:51
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:54
About a year ago, I posted this photo.
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Prije otprilike godine dana
objavio sam ovu sliku.
objavio sam ovu sliku.
08:58
Now, afterwards, I was scrolling
through some of the comments,
through some of the comments,
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Kasnije sam pregledavao neke od komentara
09:01
and I noticed that one of my female fans
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
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i primijetio da je jedna od obožavateljica
na slici označila svog dečka,
na slici označila svog dečka,
09:05
and her boyfriend responded by saying,
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a ovaj je odgovorio:
09:07
"Please stop tagging me in gay shit.
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"Molim te, prestani me označivati
na gay sranjima.
na gay sranjima.
09:11
Thx."
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Hvala."
09:12
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
09:14
As if being gay makes you
less of a man, right?
less of a man, right?
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Kao da te činjenica da si gay
čini manje muškarcem.
čini manje muškarcem.
09:18
So I took a deep breath,
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Duboko sam udahnnuo
09:21
and I responded.
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i odgovorio.
09:24
I said,
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Napisao sam,
09:26
very politely, that I was just curious,
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vrlo ljubazno, da me zanima,
09:28
because I'm on an exploration
of masculinity,
of masculinity,
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budući da istražujem muževnost,
09:30
and I wanted to know
why my love for my wife
why my love for my wife
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na koji način se ljubav
prema mojoj supruzi
prema mojoj supruzi
09:32
qualified as gay shit.
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može kvalificirati kao gay sranje.
09:34
And then I said,
honestly I just wanted to learn.
honestly I just wanted to learn.
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I dodao - doista, samo želim saznati.
09:37
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
09:42
Now, he immediately wrote me back.
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Odmah mi je odgovorio.
09:45
I thought he was going to go off on me,
but instead he apologized.
but instead he apologized.
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Očekivao sam da će me napasti,
no, on se ispričao.
no, on se ispričao.
09:51
He told me how, growing up,
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Rekao mi je da se, dok je odrastao,
09:53
public displays of affection
were looked down on.
were looked down on.
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na javne izljeve nježnosti
nije gledalo blagonaklono.
nije gledalo blagonaklono.
09:57
He told me that he was wrestling
and struggling with his ego,
and struggling with his ego,
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Rekao je da se bori sa svojim egom
10:01
and how much he loved his girlfriend
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te koliko voli svoju djevojku
10:03
and how thankful he was for her patience.
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i koliko je zahvalan
na njezinoj strpljivosti.
na njezinoj strpljivosti.
10:07
And then a few weeks later,
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A nekoliko tjedana kasnije,
10:09
he messaged me again.
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ponovno mi je pisao.
10:12
This time he sent me a photo
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Ovoga je puta poslao fotografiju,
10:15
of him on one knee proposing.
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sebe, na koljenu,
dok prosi svoju djevojku.
dok prosi svoju djevojku.
10:16
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
10:22
And all he said was, "Thank you."
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I napisao je samo "Hvala ti."
10:25
I've been this guy.
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I ja sam bio taj tip.
10:27
I get it.
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Jasno mi je.
10:28
See, publicly,
he was just playing his role,
he was just playing his role,
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U javnosti, on je samo igrao svoju ulogu,
10:30
rejecting the feminine, right?
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odbijao sve što je ženstveno, ok?
10:32
But secretly he was waiting
for permission to express himself,
for permission to express himself,
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No, potajno je čekao dozvolu
da se izrazi,
da se izrazi,
10:37
to be seen, to be heard,
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da ga vide i čuju
10:38
and all he needed was another man
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i trebao mu je samo neki drugi muškarac
10:39
holding him accountable
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
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koji bi ga držao odgovornim
i stvorio siguran prostor za osjećaje,
i stvorio siguran prostor za osjećaje,
10:43
and the transformation was instant.
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i preobržaj je bio trenutačan.
10:45
I loved this experience,
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Jako mi se svidjelo to iskustvo,
10:47
because it showed me
that transformation is possible,
that transformation is possible,
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jer mi je pokazalo
da je preobražaj moguć,
da je preobražaj moguć,
čak i preko izravnih poruka.
10:50
even over direct messages.
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10:52
So I wanted to figure out
how I could reach more men,
how I could reach more men,
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Stoga sam želio vidjeti kako
doprijeti do još muškaraca,
doprijeti do još muškaraca,
10:55
but of course none of them
were following me.
were following me.
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no, jasno, nijedan me nije pratio.
10:57
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
10:59
So I tried an experiment.
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Stoga sam proveo eksperiment.
11:01
I started posting more
stereotypically masculine things --
stereotypically masculine things --
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Počeo sam objavljivati
stereotipne muške stvari --
stereotipne muške stvari --
11:05
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
11:07
Like my challenging workouts,
my meal plans,
my meal plans,
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npr. svoje izazovne tjelovježbe,
planove obroka,
planove obroka,
11:11
my journey to heal my body
after an injury.
after an injury.
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svoj put do ozdravljenja tijela
nakon povrede.
nakon povrede.
11:14
And guess what happened?
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Pogodite što se dogodilo?
11:17
Men started to write me.
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Muškarci su mi počeli pisati.
11:19
And then, out of the blue,
for the first time in my entire career,
for the first time in my entire career,
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I tada, neočekivano, po prvi puta
u mojoj karijeri,
u mojoj karijeri,
11:22
a male fitness magazine called me,
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nazvali su me iz muškog fitness časopisa,
11:25
and they said they wanted to honor me
as one of their game-changers.
as one of their game-changers.
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i rekli da mi žele odati počast
kao revolucionaru.
kao revolucionaru.
11:31
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
11:35
Was that really game-changing?
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Je li to doista bilo revolucionarno?
11:38
Or is it just conforming?
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Ili se radilo samo o konformizmu?
11:40
And see, that's the problem.
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I, vidite, upravo je tu problem.
11:42
It's totally cool for men to follow me
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Za muškarce je skroz ok pratiti me
11:44
when I talk about guy stuff
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dok govorim o muškim stvarima
11:47
and I conform to gender norms.
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i poštujem rodne norme.
11:50
But if I talk about
how much I love my wife
how much I love my wife
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No, čim počnem govoriti
o ljubavi prema svojoj supruzi,
o ljubavi prema svojoj supruzi,
11:54
or my daughter or my 10-day-old son,
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ili kćerci, ili pak sinu
kojem je tek 10 dana,
kojem je tek 10 dana,
11:58
how I believe that marriage
is challenging but beautiful,
is challenging but beautiful,
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o tome kako vjerujem da je brak
izazovan, ali i divan,
izazovan, ali i divan,
12:02
or how as a man
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
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ili kako se, kao muškarac,
borim s dismorfijom tijela,
borim s dismorfijom tijela,
12:06
or if I promote gender equality,
then only the women show up.
then only the women show up.
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ili promičem ravnopravnost spolova,
javljaju se samo žene.
javljaju se samo žene.
12:10
Where are the men?
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Gdje su muškarci?
12:12
So men, men, men,
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Dakle, muškarci, muškarci,
12:17
men!
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muškarci!
12:19
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
12:27
I understand.
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Razumijem.
12:29
Growing up, we tend
to challenge each other.
to challenge each other.
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Dok odrastamo, stalno se
međusobno izazivamo.
međusobno izazivamo.
12:32
We've got to be the toughest,
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Moramo biti najjači,
12:33
the strongest, the bravest
men that we can be.
men that we can be.
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najsnažniji i najhrabriji mogući muškarci.
12:36
And for many of us, myself included,
our identities are wrapped up
our identities are wrapped up
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I za mnoge od nas, uključujući i mene,
naši identiteti ovise o tome
naši identiteti ovise o tome
12:40
in whether or not at the end of the day
we feel like we're man enough.
we feel like we're man enough.
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osjećamo li se na kraju dana
dovoljno muškarcima.
dovoljno muškarcima.
12:45
But I've got a challenge for all the guys,
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No, imam za sve dečke izazov,
12:47
because men love challenges.
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jer dečki vole izazove.
12:49
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
12:52
I challenge you to see
if you can use the same qualities
if you can use the same qualities
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Izazivam vas da vidite
možete li iste kvalitete
možete li iste kvalitete
12:55
that you feel make you a man
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zbog kojih se osjećate muškarcima,
12:57
to go deeper into yourself.
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iskoristiti za dublje otkrivanje sebe.
13:00
Your strength, your bravery,
your toughness:
your toughness:
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Vaša snaga, hrabrost, otpornost:
13:03
Can we redefine what those mean
and use them to explore our hearts?
and use them to explore our hearts?
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možemo li redefinirati što one
znače i istražiti njima svoja srca?
znače i istražiti njima svoja srca?
13:10
Are you brave enough
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Jeste li dovoljno hrabri
13:12
to be vulnerable?
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da budete ranjivi?
13:15
To reach out to another man
when you need help?
when you need help?
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Da pomoć potražite od drugog muškarca?
13:18
To dive headfirst into your shame?
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Da uronite ravno u svoj sram?
13:22
Are you strong enough to be sensitive,
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Jeste li dovoljno hrabri
da budete osjetljivi,
da budete osjetljivi,
13:25
to cry whether you are hurting
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da plačete kada vas boli,
13:27
or you're happy,
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ili kada ste sretni,
13:28
even if it makes you look weak?
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čak i ako se zbog toga doimate slabima?
13:31
Are you confident enough
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Jeste li dovoljno sigurni u sebe
13:34
to listen to the women in your life?
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da slušate žene u vašem životu?
13:37
To hear their ideas and their solutions?
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Da čujete njihove ideje i rješenja?
13:39
To hold their anguish
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Da suzbijete njihovu tjeskobu
13:41
and actually believe them,
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i vjerujete im,
13:44
even if what they're saying
is against you?
is against you?
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čak i kada je ono što govore protiv vas?
13:47
And will you be man enough
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I hoćete li biti dovoljno muški
13:49
to stand up to other men
when you hear "locker room talk,"
when you hear "locker room talk,"
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da se suprotstavite drugim muškarcima
kad čujete "razgovore iz svlačionice",
kad čujete "razgovore iz svlačionice",
13:53
when you hear stories
of sexual harassment?
of sexual harassment?
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kad čujete priče
o seksualnom zlostavljanju?
o seksualnom zlostavljanju?
13:55
When you hear your boys talking
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
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Kad čujete svoje dečke da se hvale
jer su neku zgrabili za dupe ili napili,
jer su neku zgrabili za dupe ili napili,
13:59
will you actually stand up
and do something
and do something
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hoćete li ustati i učiniti nešto
14:01
so that one day
we don't have to live in a world
we don't have to live in a world
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da jednog dana doživimo i svijet
14:03
where a woman has to risk everything
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u kojemu žena ne mora sve riskirati
14:05
and come forward
to say the words "me too?"
to say the words "me too?"
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i izložiti se, riječima "i ja"?
14:07
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
14:18
This is serious stuff.
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Ovo su ozbiljne stvari.
14:21
I've had to take a real, honest look
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Morao sam dobro i iskreno promotriti
14:22
at the ways that I've unconsciously
been hurting the women in my life,
been hurting the women in my life,
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načine kojima sam podsvjesno naudio
ženama u svom životu,
ženama u svom životu,
14:28
and it's ugly.
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i to ne izgleda lijepo.
14:31
My wife told me that I had been
acting in a certain way that hurt her
acting in a certain way that hurt her
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Supruga mi je rekla da sam radio
nešto što ju je boljelo,
nešto što ju je boljelo,
14:36
and not correcting it.
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a da to nisam ispravljao.
14:39
Basically, sometimes
when she would go to speak,
when she would go to speak,
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Praktički bih je, svaki put
kad bi ona govorila,
kad bi ona govorila,
14:43
at home or in public,
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kod kuće ili u javnosti,
14:45
I would just cut her off mid-sentence
and finish her thought for her.
and finish her thought for her.
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prekinuo usred rečenice
i završio misao umjesto nje.
i završio misao umjesto nje.
14:51
It's awful.
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To je grozno.
14:53
The worst part was that I was completely
unaware when I was doing it.
unaware when I was doing it.
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A najgore je to da nisam
toga uopće bio svjestan.
toga uopće bio svjestan.
14:56
It was unconscious.
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Bilo je to nesvjesno.
14:58
So here I am doing my part,
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Dakle, s jedne strane, igram svoju ulogu,
15:00
trying to be a feminist,
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pokušavam biti feminist,
15:01
amplifying the voices
of women around the world,
of women around the world,
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dati glasove ženama u svijetu,
15:04
and yet at home,
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a s druge strane, kod kuće,
15:05
I am using my louder voice
to silence the woman I love the most.
to silence the woman I love the most.
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koristim svoj glasniji glas
da utišam ženu koju najviše volim.
da utišam ženu koju najviše volim.
15:11
So I had to ask myself a tough question:
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Pa sam se morao upitati teško pitanje:
15:14
am I man enough
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jesam li dovoljno muško
15:16
to just shut the hell up and listen?
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da jednostavno umuknem i saslušam?
15:18
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
15:20
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
15:24
I've got to be honest.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
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Moram biti iskren.
Volio bih da tu niste pljeskali.
Volio bih da tu niste pljeskali.
15:27
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
15:29
Guys,
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Dečki,
15:31
this is real.
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ovo je stvarno.
15:33
And I'm just scratching the surface here,
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I samo sam zagrebao ispod površine,
15:35
because the deeper we go,
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
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jer što dublje idemo,
postaje gadnije, to vam jamčim.
postaje gadnije, to vam jamčim.
15:38
I don't have time to get into porn
and violence against women
and violence against women
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Nemam vremena govoriti o pornografiji
ili nasilju nad ženama,
ili nasilju nad ženama,
15:41
or the split of domestic duties
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ili o podjeli kućanskih obveza,
15:45
or the gender pay gap.
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kao ni o nejednakim
plaćama među spolovima.
plaćama među spolovima.
15:48
But I believe that as men,
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No, vjerujem da je vrijeme
15:50
it's time we start to see
past our privilege
past our privilege
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da mi, muškarci, gledamo dalje
od svojeg privilegija
od svojeg privilegija
15:52
and recognize that we are
not just part of the problem.
not just part of the problem.
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i priznamo da nismo samo dio problema.
15:55
Fellas, we are the problem.
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Momci, mi jesmo taj problem.
15:56
The glass ceiling exists
because we put it there,
because we put it there,
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Stakleni strop postoji
jer smo ga mi tamo postavili,
jer smo ga mi tamo postavili,
16:00
and if we want to be
a part of the solution,
a part of the solution,
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i ako želimo biti dio rješenja,
16:02
then words are no longer enough.
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riječi više nisu dovoljne.
16:05
There's a quote that I love that
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
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Volim jedan citat iz Bahá'í spisa
uz koji sam odrastao.
uz koji sam odrastao.
16:10
It says that "the world of humanity
is possessed of two wings,
is possessed of two wings,
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Kaže da "svijet čovječanstva
ima dva krila,
ima dva krila,
16:14
the male and the female.
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muško i žensko krilo.
16:17
So long as these two wings
are not equivalent in strength,
are not equivalent in strength,
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Sve dok oba krila nisu jednako snažna,
16:21
the bird will not fly."
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ptica ne može poletjeti."
16:25
So women,
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Stoga, žene,
16:27
on behalf of men all over the world
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u ime muškaraca cijeloga svijeta,
16:31
who feel similar to me,
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koji su meni slični,
16:34
please forgive us
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molim vas oprostite nam
16:36
for all the ways that we have not
relied on your strength.
relied on your strength.
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za svaki put kada se nismo
oslonili na vašu snagu.
oslonili na vašu snagu.
16:41
And now I would like
to ask you to formally help us,
to ask you to formally help us,
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I sad bih vas službeno zamolio
da nam pomognete,
da nam pomognete,
16:44
because we cannot do this alone.
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jer ovo ne možemo sami.
16:46
We are men. We're going to mess up.
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Muškarci smo. Zabrljat ćemo.
16:48
We're going to say the wrong thing.
We're going to be tone-deaf.
We're going to be tone-deaf.
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Reći ćemo nešto pogrešno,
nećemo saslušati.
nećemo saslušati.
16:51
We're more than likely, probably,
going to offend you.
going to offend you.
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Najvjerojatnije ćemo vas i uvrijediti.
16:53
But don't lose hope.
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Ali, ne gubite nadu.
16:56
We're only here because of you,
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Ovdje smo samo zbog vas
16:59
and like you, as men, we need
to stand up and become your allies
to stand up and become your allies
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i poput vas, mi moramo
ustati i postati vaši saveznici
ustati i postati vaši saveznici
17:02
as you fight against
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u borbi protiv
17:05
pretty much everything.
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gotovo svega.
17:08
We need your help
in celebrating our vulnerability
in celebrating our vulnerability
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Treba nam vaša pomoć
da odamo počast našoj ranjivosti.
da odamo počast našoj ranjivosti.
17:11
and being patient with us
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Imajte strpljenja s nama
17:13
as we make this very, very long journey
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na ovom vrlo dugom putovanju
17:17
from our heads to our hearts.
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od naših glava do naših srca.
17:20
And finally to parents:
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I konačno, poruka roditeljima:
17:25
instead of teaching our children
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umjesto da svoju djecu učimo
17:27
to be brave boys or pretty girls,
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da budu hrabri dječaci i lijepe curice,
17:33
can we maybe just teach them
how to be good humans?
how to be good humans?
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nije li bolje učiti ih
da budu dobri ljudi?
da budu dobri ljudi?
17:38
So back to my dad.
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Vratimo se na mog tatu.
17:41
Growing up, yeah, like every boy,
I had my fair share of issues,
I had my fair share of issues,
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Kao i svaki dječak, odrastajući,
borio sam se s nizom problema.
borio sam se s nizom problema.
17:45
but now I realize that it was
even thanks to his sensitivity
even thanks to his sensitivity
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No, sad shvaćam da trebam
zahvaliti i njegovoj osjećajnosti
zahvaliti i njegovoj osjećajnosti
17:48
and emotional intelligence
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i emocionalnoj inteligenciji,
17:50
that I am able to stand here right now
talking to you in the first place.
talking to you in the first place.
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što danas govorim ovdje, pred vama.
17:55
The resentment I had for my dad
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
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Shvaćam da moja netrpeljivost prema njemu
nije imala veze s njim,
nije imala veze s njim,
17:58
It had everything to do with me
and my longing to be accepted
and my longing to be accepted
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već sa mnom i mojom željom
da me se prihvati
da me se prihvati
18:04
and to play a role
that was never meant for me.
that was never meant for me.
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i da igram ulogu
koja nije meni namijenjena.
koja nije meni namijenjena.
18:07
So while my dad may have not taught me
how to use my hands,
how to use my hands,
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I dok me tata možda nije naučio
kako da koristim šake,
kako da koristim šake,
18:11
he did teach me how to use my heart,
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naučio me kako da koristim svoje srce,
18:14
and to me that makes him
more a man than anything.
more a man than anything.
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i to ga u mojim očima čini većim
muškarcem od bilo čega drugoga.
muškarcem od bilo čega drugoga.
18:17
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
18:19
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneurAn outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity.
Why you should listen
Justin Baldoni is an actor, director and entrepreneur whose efforts are focused on creating impactful media. He can be seen playing Rafael on CW’s award-winning phenomenon Jane the Virgin. In 2012, Baldoni created the most watched digital documentary series in history, My Last Days, a show about living told by the dying. On the heels of that success, Baldoni founded Wayfarer Entertainment, a digital media studio focused on disruptive inspiration.
In 2014 Baldoni started the annual Carnival of Love with a mission to improve the way the Los Angeles community views and interacts those experiencing homelessness. To support his work on Skid Row, he started the Wayfarer Foundation, which supports his work breaking the cycle of homelessness and supporting individuals facing terminal illness.
Justin Baldoni | Speaker | TED.com