TEDWomen 2017
Justin Baldoni: Why I'm done trying to be "man enough"
Filmed:
Readability: 3.4
5,833,364 views
Justin Baldoni wants to start a dialogue with men about redefining masculinity -- to figure out ways to be not just good men but good humans. In a warm, personal talk, he shares his effort to reconcile who he is with who the world tells him a man should be. And he has a challenge for men: "See if you can use the same qualities that you feel make you a man to go deeper," Baldoni says. "Your strength, your bravery, your toughness: Are you brave enough to be vulnerable? Are you strong enough to be sensitive? Are you confident enough to listen to the women in your life?"
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneur
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
As an actor, I get scripts
0
760
2320
00:15
and it's my job to stay on script,
1
3760
2416
00:18
to say my lines
2
6200
1616
00:19
and bring to life a character
that someone else wrote.
that someone else wrote.
3
7840
2800
00:23
Over the course of my career,
4
11400
1856
00:25
I've had the great honor
5
13280
1696
00:27
playing some of the greatest
male role models ever
male role models ever
6
15000
4056
00:31
represented on television.
7
19080
1480
00:33
You might recognize me
as "Male Escort #1."
as "Male Escort #1."
8
21280
3056
00:36
(Laughter)
9
24360
2496
00:38
"Photographer Date Rapist,"
10
26880
2080
00:42
"Shirtless Date Rapist"
11
30000
1296
00:43
from the award-winning
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
12
31320
2656
00:46
(Laughter)
13
34000
2096
00:48
"Shirtless Medical Student,"
14
36120
1376
00:49
"Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man"
15
37520
1936
00:51
and, in my most
well-known role, as Rafael.
well-known role, as Rafael.
16
39480
3896
00:55
(Applause)
17
43400
3176
00:58
A brooding, reformed playboy
18
46600
2616
01:01
who falls for, of all things, a virgin,
19
49240
1880
01:04
and who is only occasionally shirtless.
20
52000
2016
01:06
(Laughter)
21
54040
2536
01:08
Now, these roles don't represent
the kind of man I am in my real life,
the kind of man I am in my real life,
22
56600
4296
01:12
but that's what I love about acting.
23
60920
1816
01:14
I get to live inside characters
very different than myself.
very different than myself.
24
62760
3400
01:18
But every time I got
one of these roles, I was surprised,
one of these roles, I was surprised,
25
66880
3376
01:22
because most of the men
I play ooze machismo,
I play ooze machismo,
26
70280
2936
01:25
charisma and power,
27
73240
1736
01:27
and when I look in the mirror,
that's just not how I see myself.
that's just not how I see myself.
28
75000
3456
01:30
But it was how Hollywood saw me,
29
78480
1936
01:32
and over time, I noticed a parallel
30
80440
2296
01:34
between the roles I would play as a man
31
82760
2096
01:36
both on-screen and off.
32
84880
2440
01:41
I've been pretending to be
a man that I'm not my entire life.
a man that I'm not my entire life.
33
89040
3480
01:45
I've been pretending
to be strong when I felt weak,
to be strong when I felt weak,
34
93760
2800
01:49
confident when I felt insecure
35
97440
2600
01:53
and tough when really I was hurting.
36
101160
1840
01:56
I think for the most part
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
37
104040
3280
02:00
but I'm tired of performing.
38
108760
1680
02:03
And I can tell you right now
39
111400
1656
02:05
that it is exhausting trying to be
man enough for everyone all the time.
man enough for everyone all the time.
40
113080
5320
02:12
Now -- right?
41
120000
1776
02:13
(Laughter)
42
121800
2176
02:16
My brother heard that.
43
124000
2096
02:18
Now, for as long
as I can remember, I've been told
as I can remember, I've been told
44
126120
2816
02:20
the kind of man
that I should grow up to be.
that I should grow up to be.
45
128960
2079
02:23
As a boy, all I wanted was to be
accepted and liked by the other boys,
accepted and liked by the other boys,
46
131720
4296
02:28
but that acceptance meant I had to acquire
47
136040
2056
02:30
this almost disgusted view
of the feminine,
of the feminine,
48
138120
2456
02:32
and since we were told that feminine
is the opposite of masculine,
is the opposite of masculine,
49
140600
3136
02:35
I either had to reject
embodying any of these qualities
embodying any of these qualities
50
143760
3176
02:38
or face rejection myself.
51
146960
1600
02:41
This is the script that we've been given.
52
149760
1960
02:44
Right? Girls are weak,
and boys are strong.
and boys are strong.
53
152320
2800
02:48
This is what's being
subconsciously communicated
subconsciously communicated
54
156120
2256
02:50
to hundreds of millions of young boys
and girls all over the world,
and girls all over the world,
55
158400
3240
02:54
just like it was with me.
56
162200
1200
02:56
Well, I came here today to say, as a man
57
164960
3880
03:01
that this is wrong, this is toxic,
58
169720
3216
03:04
and it has to end.
59
172960
1416
03:06
(Applause)
60
174400
3640
03:12
Now, I'm not here
to give a history lesson.
to give a history lesson.
61
180720
3416
03:16
We likely all know how we got here, OK?
62
184160
2696
03:18
But I'm just a guy that woke up
after 30 years and realized
after 30 years and realized
63
186880
2816
03:21
that I was living in a state of conflict,
64
189720
1976
03:23
conflict with who I feel I am in my core
65
191720
2416
03:26
and conflict with who the world
tells me as a man I should be.
tells me as a man I should be.
66
194160
3000
03:30
But I don't have a desire
67
198360
1216
03:31
to fit into the current
broken definition of masculinity,
broken definition of masculinity,
68
199600
3080
03:35
because I don't just want
to be a good man.
to be a good man.
69
203680
2200
03:39
I want to be a good human.
70
207760
1360
03:42
And I believe the only way that can happen
71
210280
2016
03:44
is if men learn to not only
embrace the qualities
embrace the qualities
72
212320
2496
03:46
that we were told
are feminine in ourselves
are feminine in ourselves
73
214840
3296
03:50
but to be willing to stand up,
74
218160
2016
03:52
to champion and learn
from the women who embody them.
from the women who embody them.
75
220200
3280
03:57
Now, men --
76
225080
1256
03:58
(Laughter)
77
226360
1616
04:00
I am not saying that everything
we have learned is toxic. OK?
we have learned is toxic. OK?
78
228000
3656
04:03
I'm not saying there's anything
inherently wrong with you or me,
inherently wrong with you or me,
79
231680
3016
04:06
and men, I'm not saying
we have to stop being men.
we have to stop being men.
80
234720
2400
04:09
But we need balance, right?
81
237720
2200
04:12
We need balance,
82
240760
1216
04:14
and the only way things will change
is if we take a real honest look
is if we take a real honest look
83
242000
4136
04:18
at the scripts that have been
passed down to us
passed down to us
84
246160
2216
04:20
from generation to generation
85
248400
1816
04:22
and the roles that,
as men, we choose to take on
as men, we choose to take on
86
250240
3216
04:25
in our everyday lives.
87
253480
1280
04:27
So speaking of scripts,
88
255320
1256
04:28
the first script I ever got
came from my dad.
came from my dad.
89
256600
2960
04:32
My dad is awesome.
90
260079
1200
04:33
He's loving, he's kind,
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
91
261760
6200
04:40
he's here.
92
268800
1216
04:42
(Applause)
93
270040
3960
04:48
He's crying.
94
276600
1216
04:49
(Laughter)
95
277840
2736
04:52
But, sorry, Dad,
as a kid I resented him for it,
as a kid I resented him for it,
96
280600
4176
04:56
because I blamed him for making me soft,
97
284800
2616
04:59
which wasn't welcomed
in the small town in Oregon
in the small town in Oregon
98
287440
2336
05:01
that we had moved to.
99
289800
1336
05:03
Because being soft
meant that I was bullied.
meant that I was bullied.
100
291160
2048
05:06
See, my dad wasn't
traditionally masculine,
traditionally masculine,
101
294040
2256
05:08
so he didn't teach me how to use my hands.
102
296320
2616
05:10
He didn't teach me
how to hunt, how to fight,
how to hunt, how to fight,
103
298960
2360
05:14
you know, man stuff.
104
302400
1800
05:17
Instead he taught me what he knew:
105
305080
2056
05:19
that being a man was about sacrifice
106
307160
3280
05:23
and doing whatever you can
107
311240
1256
05:24
to take care of
and provide for your family.
and provide for your family.
108
312520
2080
05:27
But there was another role
I learned how to play from my dad,
I learned how to play from my dad,
109
315040
2896
05:29
who, I discovered,
learned it from his dad,
learned it from his dad,
110
317960
2056
05:32
a state senator
111
320040
1856
05:33
who later in life
112
321920
1696
05:35
had to work nights as a janitor
to support his family,
to support his family,
113
323640
2800
05:39
and he never told a soul.
114
327200
1360
05:41
That role was to suffer in secret.
115
329520
2376
05:43
And now three generations later,
116
331920
2416
05:46
I find myself playing that role, too.
117
334360
2040
05:49
So why couldn't my grandfather
just reach out to another man
just reach out to another man
118
337240
3736
05:53
and ask for help?
119
341000
1200
05:54
Why does my dad to this day still think
he's got to do it all on his own?
he's got to do it all on his own?
120
342800
3776
05:58
I know a man who would rather die
121
346600
1800
06:01
than tell another man
that they're hurting.
that they're hurting.
122
349360
2080
06:04
But it's not because we're just all,
like, strong silent types.
like, strong silent types.
123
352280
3120
06:08
It's not. A lot of us men are really good
at making friends, and talking,
at making friends, and talking,
124
356280
3920
06:13
just not about anything real.
125
361240
1896
06:15
(Laughter)
126
363160
1856
06:17
If it's about work or sports
or politics or women,
or politics or women,
127
365040
4496
06:21
we have no problem sharing our opinions,
128
369560
2000
06:24
but if it's about
our insecurities or our struggles,
our insecurities or our struggles,
129
372760
2440
06:27
our fear of failure,
130
375960
1320
06:30
then it's almost like we become paralyzed.
131
378560
2040
06:33
At least, I do.
132
381240
1880
06:37
So some of the ways
that I have been practicing
that I have been practicing
133
385200
2776
06:40
breaking free of this behavior
134
388000
1456
06:41
are by creating experiences
that force me to be vulnerable.
that force me to be vulnerable.
135
389480
3720
06:46
So if there's something
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
136
394280
3856
06:50
I practice diving straight into it,
137
398160
2000
06:53
no matter how scary it is --
138
401160
2016
06:55
and sometimes, even publicly.
139
403200
3336
06:58
Because then in doing so
140
406560
2056
07:00
I take away its power,
141
408640
1856
07:02
and my display of vulnerability
142
410520
2336
07:04
can in some cases give other men
permission to do the same.
permission to do the same.
143
412880
3200
07:09
As an example, a little while ago
144
417320
2536
07:11
I was wrestling with an issue in my life
145
419880
1936
07:13
that I knew I needed
to talk to my guy friends about,
to talk to my guy friends about,
146
421840
3000
07:17
but I was so paralyzed by fear
147
425840
3376
07:21
that they would judge me
and see me as weak
and see me as weak
148
429240
2056
07:23
and I would lose my standing as a leader
149
431320
2360
07:27
that I knew I had to take them
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
150
435200
5256
07:32
(Laughter)
151
440480
1016
07:33
Just to open up. And guess what?
152
441520
2616
07:36
It wasn't until the end of the third day
153
444160
2616
07:38
that I finally found
the strength to talk to them
the strength to talk to them
154
446800
4136
07:42
about what I was going through.
155
450960
1480
07:45
But when I did,
something amazing happened.
something amazing happened.
156
453480
2056
07:47
I realized that I wasn't alone,
157
455560
1480
07:50
because my guys had also been struggling.
158
458240
1960
07:53
And as soon as I found the strength
and the courage to share my shame,
and the courage to share my shame,
159
461280
3976
07:57
it was gone.
160
465280
1200
07:59
Now, I've learned over time
161
467680
1336
08:01
that if I want to practice vulnerability,
162
469040
2016
08:03
then I need to build myself
a system of accountability.
a system of accountability.
163
471080
2760
08:06
So I've been really blessed as an actor.
164
474360
3040
08:10
I've built a really wonderful fan base,
165
478280
3136
08:13
really, really sweet and engaged,
166
481440
2256
08:15
and so I decided to use my social platform
167
483720
2416
08:18
as kind of this Trojan horse
168
486160
2056
08:20
wherein I could create a daily practice
of authenticity and vulnerability.
of authenticity and vulnerability.
169
488240
4000
08:25
The response has been incredible.
170
493320
1680
08:27
It's been affirming,
it's been heartwarming.
it's been heartwarming.
171
495760
3336
08:31
I get tons of love and press
and positive messages daily.
and positive messages daily.
172
499120
3680
08:36
But it's all from a certain demographic:
173
504520
1920
08:40
women.
174
508200
1216
08:41
(Laughter)
175
509440
2695
08:44
This is real.
176
512159
1201
08:47
Why are only women following me?
177
515559
2937
08:50
Where are the men?
178
518520
1296
08:51
(Laughter)
179
519840
2616
08:54
About a year ago, I posted this photo.
180
522480
2000
08:58
Now, afterwards, I was scrolling
through some of the comments,
through some of the comments,
181
526320
2936
09:01
and I noticed that one of my female fans
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
182
529280
3856
09:05
and her boyfriend responded by saying,
183
533160
2176
09:07
"Please stop tagging me in gay shit.
184
535360
3896
09:11
Thx."
185
539280
1216
09:12
(Laughter)
186
540520
2016
09:14
As if being gay makes you
less of a man, right?
less of a man, right?
187
542560
2560
09:18
So I took a deep breath,
188
546440
1280
09:21
and I responded.
189
549200
1200
09:24
I said,
190
552000
2256
09:26
very politely, that I was just curious,
191
554280
1896
09:28
because I'm on an exploration
of masculinity,
of masculinity,
192
556200
2216
09:30
and I wanted to know
why my love for my wife
why my love for my wife
193
558440
2296
09:32
qualified as gay shit.
194
560760
2096
09:34
And then I said,
honestly I just wanted to learn.
honestly I just wanted to learn.
195
562880
2656
09:37
(Laughter)
196
565560
4976
09:42
Now, he immediately wrote me back.
197
570560
3136
09:45
I thought he was going to go off on me,
but instead he apologized.
but instead he apologized.
198
573720
4240
09:51
He told me how, growing up,
199
579120
2656
09:53
public displays of affection
were looked down on.
were looked down on.
200
581800
3456
09:57
He told me that he was wrestling
and struggling with his ego,
and struggling with his ego,
201
585280
3280
10:01
and how much he loved his girlfriend
202
589480
1816
10:03
and how thankful he was for her patience.
203
591320
2680
10:07
And then a few weeks later,
204
595560
1696
10:09
he messaged me again.
205
597280
1320
10:12
This time he sent me a photo
206
600080
1560
10:15
of him on one knee proposing.
207
603040
1816
10:16
(Applause)
208
604880
5136
10:22
And all he said was, "Thank you."
209
610040
1600
10:25
I've been this guy.
210
613440
1200
10:27
I get it.
211
615440
1216
10:28
See, publicly,
he was just playing his role,
he was just playing his role,
212
616680
2096
10:30
rejecting the feminine, right?
213
618800
2096
10:32
But secretly he was waiting
for permission to express himself,
for permission to express himself,
214
620920
4056
10:37
to be seen, to be heard,
215
625000
1216
10:38
and all he needed was another man
216
626240
1616
10:39
holding him accountable
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
217
627880
3136
10:43
and the transformation was instant.
218
631040
2376
10:45
I loved this experience,
219
633440
2096
10:47
because it showed me
that transformation is possible,
that transformation is possible,
220
635560
2496
10:50
even over direct messages.
221
638080
1760
10:52
So I wanted to figure out
how I could reach more men,
how I could reach more men,
222
640680
2856
10:55
but of course none of them
were following me.
were following me.
223
643560
2136
10:57
(Laughter)
224
645720
1856
10:59
So I tried an experiment.
225
647600
2176
11:01
I started posting more
stereotypically masculine things --
stereotypically masculine things --
226
649800
3336
11:05
(Laughter)
227
653160
2176
11:07
Like my challenging workouts,
my meal plans,
my meal plans,
228
655360
3696
11:11
my journey to heal my body
after an injury.
after an injury.
229
659080
3416
11:14
And guess what happened?
230
662520
1240
11:17
Men started to write me.
231
665200
1560
11:19
And then, out of the blue,
for the first time in my entire career,
for the first time in my entire career,
232
667440
3336
11:22
a male fitness magazine called me,
233
670800
1920
11:25
and they said they wanted to honor me
as one of their game-changers.
as one of their game-changers.
234
673840
3200
11:31
(Laughter)
235
679440
3616
11:35
Was that really game-changing?
236
683080
1480
11:38
Or is it just conforming?
237
686560
1640
11:40
And see, that's the problem.
238
688880
1376
11:42
It's totally cool for men to follow me
239
690280
1856
11:44
when I talk about guy stuff
240
692160
3136
11:47
and I conform to gender norms.
241
695320
1720
11:50
But if I talk about
how much I love my wife
how much I love my wife
242
698080
4216
11:54
or my daughter or my 10-day-old son,
243
702320
2880
11:58
how I believe that marriage
is challenging but beautiful,
is challenging but beautiful,
244
706160
4576
12:02
or how as a man
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
245
710760
3256
12:06
or if I promote gender equality,
then only the women show up.
then only the women show up.
246
714040
2880
12:10
Where are the men?
247
718200
1200
12:12
So men, men, men,
248
720920
2840
12:17
men!
249
725960
1216
12:19
(Applause)
250
727200
3600
12:27
I understand.
251
735000
2056
12:29
Growing up, we tend
to challenge each other.
to challenge each other.
252
737080
2160
12:32
We've got to be the toughest,
253
740160
1416
12:33
the strongest, the bravest
men that we can be.
men that we can be.
254
741600
2160
12:36
And for many of us, myself included,
our identities are wrapped up
our identities are wrapped up
255
744600
4056
12:40
in whether or not at the end of the day
we feel like we're man enough.
we feel like we're man enough.
256
748680
3320
12:45
But I've got a challenge for all the guys,
257
753040
2656
12:47
because men love challenges.
258
755720
2056
12:49
(Laughter)
259
757800
1560
12:52
I challenge you to see
if you can use the same qualities
if you can use the same qualities
260
760320
2656
12:55
that you feel make you a man
261
763000
2056
12:57
to go deeper into yourself.
262
765080
1640
13:00
Your strength, your bravery,
your toughness:
your toughness:
263
768600
3176
13:03
Can we redefine what those mean
and use them to explore our hearts?
and use them to explore our hearts?
264
771800
4120
13:10
Are you brave enough
265
778240
2096
13:12
to be vulnerable?
266
780360
1360
13:15
To reach out to another man
when you need help?
when you need help?
267
783840
2400
13:18
To dive headfirst into your shame?
268
786960
1960
13:22
Are you strong enough to be sensitive,
269
790120
2080
13:25
to cry whether you are hurting
270
793320
2136
13:27
or you're happy,
271
795480
1336
13:28
even if it makes you look weak?
272
796840
1520
13:31
Are you confident enough
273
799840
2376
13:34
to listen to the women in your life?
274
802240
1960
13:37
To hear their ideas and their solutions?
275
805760
1936
13:39
To hold their anguish
276
807720
1976
13:41
and actually believe them,
277
809720
2296
13:44
even if what they're saying
is against you?
is against you?
278
812040
2320
13:47
And will you be man enough
279
815320
2040
13:49
to stand up to other men
when you hear "locker room talk,"
when you hear "locker room talk,"
280
817680
3776
13:53
when you hear stories
of sexual harassment?
of sexual harassment?
281
821480
2336
13:55
When you hear your boys talking
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
282
823840
3416
13:59
will you actually stand up
and do something
and do something
283
827280
2056
14:01
so that one day
we don't have to live in a world
we don't have to live in a world
284
829360
2256
14:03
where a woman has to risk everything
285
831640
1736
14:05
and come forward
to say the words "me too?"
to say the words "me too?"
286
833400
2056
14:07
(Applause)
287
835480
3960
14:18
This is serious stuff.
288
846320
1480
14:21
I've had to take a real, honest look
289
849000
1896
14:22
at the ways that I've unconsciously
been hurting the women in my life,
been hurting the women in my life,
290
850920
4640
14:28
and it's ugly.
291
856360
1720
14:31
My wife told me that I had been
acting in a certain way that hurt her
acting in a certain way that hurt her
292
859480
5416
14:36
and not correcting it.
293
864920
1440
14:39
Basically, sometimes
when she would go to speak,
when she would go to speak,
294
867480
2480
14:43
at home or in public,
295
871080
2016
14:45
I would just cut her off mid-sentence
and finish her thought for her.
and finish her thought for her.
296
873120
4360
14:51
It's awful.
297
879520
1200
14:53
The worst part was that I was completely
unaware when I was doing it.
unaware when I was doing it.
298
881400
3256
14:56
It was unconscious.
299
884680
1416
14:58
So here I am doing my part,
300
886120
2016
15:00
trying to be a feminist,
301
888160
1536
15:01
amplifying the voices
of women around the world,
of women around the world,
302
889720
2256
15:04
and yet at home,
303
892000
1616
15:05
I am using my louder voice
to silence the woman I love the most.
to silence the woman I love the most.
304
893640
3760
15:11
So I had to ask myself a tough question:
305
899760
1920
15:14
am I man enough
306
902960
1896
15:16
to just shut the hell up and listen?
307
904880
1736
15:18
(Laughter)
308
906640
1936
15:20
(Applause)
309
908600
3736
15:24
I've got to be honest.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
310
912360
2736
15:27
(Laughter)
311
915120
1360
15:29
Guys,
312
917760
1976
15:31
this is real.
313
919760
1200
15:33
And I'm just scratching the surface here,
314
921840
1976
15:35
because the deeper we go,
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
315
923840
2936
15:38
I don't have time to get into porn
and violence against women
and violence against women
316
926800
2896
15:41
or the split of domestic duties
317
929720
3256
15:45
or the gender pay gap.
318
933000
1680
15:48
But I believe that as men,
319
936280
1776
15:50
it's time we start to see
past our privilege
past our privilege
320
938080
2456
15:52
and recognize that we are
not just part of the problem.
not just part of the problem.
321
940560
2616
15:55
Fellas, we are the problem.
322
943200
1696
15:56
The glass ceiling exists
because we put it there,
because we put it there,
323
944920
3176
16:00
and if we want to be
a part of the solution,
a part of the solution,
324
948120
2096
16:02
then words are no longer enough.
325
950240
1560
16:05
There's a quote that I love that
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
326
953720
3720
16:10
It says that "the world of humanity
is possessed of two wings,
is possessed of two wings,
327
958080
3560
16:14
the male and the female.
328
962760
1200
16:17
So long as these two wings
are not equivalent in strength,
are not equivalent in strength,
329
965000
4176
16:21
the bird will not fly."
330
969200
1680
16:25
So women,
331
973440
1200
16:27
on behalf of men all over the world
332
975720
3776
16:31
who feel similar to me,
333
979520
1280
16:34
please forgive us
334
982680
1200
16:36
for all the ways that we have not
relied on your strength.
relied on your strength.
335
984880
2720
16:41
And now I would like
to ask you to formally help us,
to ask you to formally help us,
336
989520
2696
16:44
because we cannot do this alone.
337
992240
2096
16:46
We are men. We're going to mess up.
338
994360
1736
16:48
We're going to say the wrong thing.
We're going to be tone-deaf.
We're going to be tone-deaf.
339
996120
3016
16:51
We're more than likely, probably,
going to offend you.
going to offend you.
340
999160
2576
16:53
But don't lose hope.
341
1001760
1520
16:56
We're only here because of you,
342
1004840
1520
16:59
and like you, as men, we need
to stand up and become your allies
to stand up and become your allies
343
1007560
3056
17:02
as you fight against
344
1010640
2616
17:05
pretty much everything.
345
1013280
1320
17:08
We need your help
in celebrating our vulnerability
in celebrating our vulnerability
346
1016120
3416
17:11
and being patient with us
347
1019560
1736
17:13
as we make this very, very long journey
348
1021320
3936
17:17
from our heads to our hearts.
349
1025280
2280
17:20
And finally to parents:
350
1028920
1840
17:25
instead of teaching our children
351
1033079
1641
17:27
to be brave boys or pretty girls,
352
1035839
3000
17:33
can we maybe just teach them
how to be good humans?
how to be good humans?
353
1041119
2401
17:38
So back to my dad.
354
1046160
1199
17:41
Growing up, yeah, like every boy,
I had my fair share of issues,
I had my fair share of issues,
355
1049240
4456
17:45
but now I realize that it was
even thanks to his sensitivity
even thanks to his sensitivity
356
1053720
3136
17:48
and emotional intelligence
357
1056880
1736
17:50
that I am able to stand here right now
talking to you in the first place.
talking to you in the first place.
358
1058640
3440
17:55
The resentment I had for my dad
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
359
1063080
3616
17:58
It had everything to do with me
and my longing to be accepted
and my longing to be accepted
360
1066720
5296
18:04
and to play a role
that was never meant for me.
that was never meant for me.
361
1072040
2200
18:07
So while my dad may have not taught me
how to use my hands,
how to use my hands,
362
1075000
3080
18:11
he did teach me how to use my heart,
363
1079560
1720
18:14
and to me that makes him
more a man than anything.
more a man than anything.
364
1082400
2520
18:17
Thank you.
365
1085800
1216
18:19
(Applause)
366
1087040
2560
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneurAn outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity.
Why you should listen
Justin Baldoni is an actor, director and entrepreneur whose efforts are focused on creating impactful media. He can be seen playing Rafael on CW’s award-winning phenomenon Jane the Virgin. In 2012, Baldoni created the most watched digital documentary series in history, My Last Days, a show about living told by the dying. On the heels of that success, Baldoni founded Wayfarer Entertainment, a digital media studio focused on disruptive inspiration.
In 2014 Baldoni started the annual Carnival of Love with a mission to improve the way the Los Angeles community views and interacts those experiencing homelessness. To support his work on Skid Row, he started the Wayfarer Foundation, which supports his work breaking the cycle of homelessness and supporting individuals facing terminal illness.
Justin Baldoni | Speaker | TED.com