TEDWomen 2017
Justin Baldoni: Why I'm done trying to be "man enough"
賈斯汀 ● 巴爾多尼: 為什麼我不再試著表現得「夠男子氣概」
Filmed:
Readability: 3.4
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賈斯汀 ● 巴爾多尼想要和男人展開一段如何重新定義男子氣概的對話 ── 不只是要成為好男人，還要成為好人。在這場溫暖且個人化的演說中，他分享了在調節真實的自我和世界想要他成為什麼樣的人當中，所做的一切努力。他給了男人一項挑戰：「你們是否能夠用那些讓你們覺得自己像男人的特質，來更深入你們自己。」他問：「你們的力量、你們的勇氣、你們的強悍：你是否勇敢到敢於脆弱？你是否強壯到可以很敏感？你是否自信到可以傾聽你人生中的女人？」
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneur
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
As an actor, I get scripts
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身為演員，我會拿到劇本，
00:15
and it's my job to stay on script,
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我的工作就是要跟著劇本走，
00:18
to say my lines
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說我的台詞，
00:19
and bring to life a character
that someone else wrote.
that someone else wrote.
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將作者筆下的角色賦予鮮活的生命。
00:23
Over the course of my career,
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在我的職涯中，
00:25
I've had the great honor
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我很榮幸
00:27
playing some of the greatest
male role models ever
male role models ever
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演出電視史上一些最偉大的
00:31
represented on television.
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男性典範角色。
00:33
You might recognize me
as "Male Escort #1."
as "Male Escort #1."
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你可能會認得我演出過
「男伴遊 #1」。
「男伴遊 #1」。
00:36
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
00:38
"Photographer Date Rapist,"
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「攝影師約會強暴者」、
00:42
"Shirtless Date Rapist"
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「半裸約會強暴者」，
00:43
from the award-winning
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
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來自得獎的《春假鯊魚攻擊》。
00:46
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
00:48
"Shirtless Medical Student,"
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「半裸醫學系學生」、
00:49
"Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man"
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「用類固醇的半裸騙子」、
00:51
and, in my most
well-known role, as Rafael.
well-known role, as Rafael.
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還有我最著名的角色，拉斐爾。
（註：出自影集《貞愛好孕到》）
（註：出自影集《貞愛好孕到》）
00:55
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
00:58
A brooding, reformed playboy
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這角色是個憂鬱且
改過自新的花花公子，
改過自新的花花公子，
01:01
who falls for, of all things, a virgin,
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竟然愛上了一個處女，
01:04
and who is only occasionally shirtless.
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這角色只有偶爾才半裸。
01:06
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:08
Now, these roles don't represent
the kind of man I am in my real life,
the kind of man I am in my real life,
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這些角色並不代表
在現實生活中我是怎樣的人，
在現實生活中我是怎樣的人，
01:12
but that's what I love about acting.
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但那就是我喜歡演戲的原因。
01:14
I get to live inside characters
very different than myself.
very different than myself.
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我可以活在
和自身迥然不同的角色裡。
和自身迥然不同的角色裡。
但每次我得到一個角色，
我都會很訝異，
我都會很訝異，
01:18
But every time I got
one of these roles, I was surprised,
one of these roles, I was surprised,
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因為大部份我扮演的男性角色
都散發著大男人氣概、
都散發著大男人氣概、
01:22
because most of the men
I play ooze machismo,
I play ooze machismo,
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01:25
charisma and power,
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魅力和權力，
01:27
and when I look in the mirror,
that's just not how I see myself.
that's just not how I see myself.
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當我看著鏡子，
知道那並非我眼中真正的自己。
知道那並非我眼中真正的自己。
01:30
But it was how Hollywood saw me,
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但那是好萊塢眼中的我，
01:32
and over time, I noticed a parallel
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隨時間過去，我注意到，
01:34
between the roles I would play as a man
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我在螢幕上所扮演的男性形象
01:36
both on-screen and off.
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和螢幕下的我有著相似之處。
01:41
I've been pretending to be
a man that I'm not my entire life.
a man that I'm not my entire life.
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我一直都假扮成
和真實自我不同的人。
和真實自我不同的人。
01:45
I've been pretending
to be strong when I felt weak,
to be strong when I felt weak,
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當我感到脆弱時，我假裝堅強，
01:49
confident when I felt insecure
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當我沒安全感時，我假裝自信，
01:53
and tough when really I was hurting.
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當我很受傷時，我假裝強悍。
01:56
I think for the most part
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
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我想大部份的時候我只是在扮演，
02:00
but I'm tired of performing.
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但我厭倦了這樣。
02:03
And I can tell you right now
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我現在可以告訴各位，
02:05
that it is exhausting trying to be
man enough for everyone all the time.
man enough for everyone all the time.
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要隨時為了所有人，試著表現得
像個男子漢，真的很累人。
像個男子漢，真的很累人。
02:12
Now -- right?
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對吧？
02:13
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:16
My brother heard that.
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我兄弟聽到了。
02:18
Now, for as long
as I can remember, I've been told
as I can remember, I've been told
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從我有記憶開始，我就一直被告知
02:20
the kind of man
that I should grow up to be.
that I should grow up to be.
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長大之後應該要成為怎樣的男人。
02:23
As a boy, all I wanted was to be
accepted and liked by the other boys,
accepted and liked by the other boys,
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當我還是小男孩時，我所想要的
就只是被其他男孩接受和喜歡，
就只是被其他男孩接受和喜歡，
02:28
but that acceptance meant I had to acquire
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但接受就代表著我得要取得
02:30
this almost disgusted view
of the feminine,
of the feminine,
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這幾乎讓人厭惡的對女性化的觀點，
02:32
and since we were told that feminine
is the opposite of masculine,
is the opposite of masculine,
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我們被告知，女性化
就是男子氣概的相反詞，
就是男子氣概的相反詞，
02:35
I either had to reject
embodying any of these qualities
embodying any of these qualities
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我得要拒絕呈現出任何女性化特質，
02:38
or face rejection myself.
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要不然就得面對自己被拒絕。
02:41
This is the script that we've been given.
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我們拿到的就是這樣的劇本。
02:44
Right? Girls are weak,
and boys are strong.
and boys are strong.
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對吧？女孩很柔弱，男孩很強壯。
02:48
This is what's being
subconsciously communicated
subconsciously communicated
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在潛意識中，這概念已經
02:50
to hundreds of millions of young boys
and girls all over the world,
and girls all over the world,
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傳達給全世界數億名年輕男女，
02:54
just like it was with me.
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就像我以前一樣。
02:56
Well, I came here today to say, as a man
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今天我以男人的身份來這裡說明，
03:01
that this is wrong, this is toxic,
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這是錯的，這是有害的，
03:04
and it has to end.
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且這必須要停止。
03:06
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
03:12
Now, I'm not here
to give a history lesson.
to give a history lesson.
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我不是來教歷史課的。
03:16
We likely all know how we got here, OK?
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我們可能都知道
我們是如何走到這一步的，對吧?
我們是如何走到這一步的，對吧?
03:18
But I'm just a guy that woke up
after 30 years and realized
after 30 years and realized
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我只是一個在三十年後醒來的男人，
03:21
that I was living in a state of conflict,
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發現我處在一個衝突的狀態中，
03:23
conflict with who I feel I am in my core
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和自我的內在核心價值有所衝突，
03:26
and conflict with who the world
tells me as a man I should be.
tells me as a man I should be.
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和這個世界告訴我該成為
怎樣的男人而有所衝突。
怎樣的男人而有所衝突。
03:30
But I don't have a desire
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但我並不想要
03:31
to fit into the current
broken definition of masculinity,
broken definition of masculinity,
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苟同目前欠缺周延的男子氣概定義，
03:35
because I don't just want
to be a good man.
to be a good man.
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因為我並不想要只當個好男人。
03:39
I want to be a good human.
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我想要當個好人。
03:42
And I believe the only way that can happen
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我相信能做到這點的唯一方式，
03:44
is if men learn to not only
embrace the qualities
embrace the qualities
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就是男人不只要學會去擁抱自己
03:46
that we were told
are feminine in ourselves
are feminine in ourselves
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那些被人們認為是女性化的特質，
03:50
but to be willing to stand up,
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且要願意站出來，
03:52
to champion and learn
from the women who embody them.
from the women who embody them.
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去支持呈現這些特質的女性，
並向她們學習。
並向她們學習。
03:57
Now, men --
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男人們，
03:58
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:00
I am not saying that everything
we have learned is toxic. OK?
we have learned is toxic. OK?
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我並不是說我們學到的一切
都是有害的，好嗎？
都是有害的，好嗎？
04:03
I'm not saying there's anything
inherently wrong with you or me,
inherently wrong with you or me,
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我並不是說你或我
有什麼天生錯誤的地方，
有什麼天生錯誤的地方，
04:06
and men, I'm not saying
we have to stop being men.
we have to stop being men.
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男人們，我並不是說
我們不要繼續做男人。
我們不要繼續做男人。
04:09
But we need balance, right?
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但我們需要平衡，對吧？
04:12
We need balance,
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我們需要平衡，
04:14
and the only way things will change
is if we take a real honest look
is if we take a real honest look
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要改變現狀唯一的方式，
就是我們能夠誠實地去審視
就是我們能夠誠實地去審視
04:18
at the scripts that have been
passed down to us
passed down to us
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那些一代傳一代，
傳到我們手上的劇本，
04:20
from generation to generation
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04:22
and the roles that,
as men, we choose to take on
as men, we choose to take on
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以及身為男人的我們，
在日常生活當中選擇
在日常生活當中選擇
04:25
in our everyday lives.
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去扮演的角色。
04:27
So speaking of scripts,
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說到劇本，
04:28
the first script I ever got
came from my dad.
came from my dad.
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我拿到的第一本劇本是來自我爸爸。
04:32
My dad is awesome.
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我爸爸很了不起。
04:33
He's loving, he's kind,
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
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他很慈愛、仁慈、
他很敏感、他會很鼓勵人，
他很敏感、他會很鼓勵人，
04:40
he's here.
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他在現場。
04:42
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
04:48
He's crying.
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他在哭。
04:49
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:52
But, sorry, Dad,
as a kid I resented him for it,
as a kid I resented him for it,
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但，抱歉，爸爸，
我小時候很討厭他那些特質，
我小時候很討厭他那些特質，
04:56
because I blamed him for making me soft,
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因為我怪罪他讓我很軟弱，
04:59
which wasn't welcomed
in the small town in Oregon
in the small town in Oregon
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在我們後來搬去的奧勒崗的小鎮上，
05:01
that we had moved to.
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軟弱是不受歡迎的。
05:03
Because being soft
meant that I was bullied.
meant that I was bullied.
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因為軟弱就表示我會被霸凌。
05:06
See, my dad wasn't
traditionally masculine,
traditionally masculine,
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我爸爸並不符合
傳統所定義的男子氣概，
傳統所定義的男子氣概，
05:08
so he didn't teach me how to use my hands.
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所以他沒有教我如何用我的手。
05:10
He didn't teach me
how to hunt, how to fight,
how to hunt, how to fight,
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他沒有教我如何打獵、如何打架，
05:14
you know, man stuff.
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你們知道的，男人做的事。
05:17
Instead he taught me what he knew:
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反而，他教我他會的東西：
05:19
that being a man was about sacrifice
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身為一個男人的重點是 ── 犧牲，
05:23
and doing whatever you can
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並盡你所能
去照顧和供養你的家庭。
05:24
to take care of
and provide for your family.
and provide for your family.
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05:27
But there was another role
I learned how to play from my dad,
I learned how to play from my dad,
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但我還從我爸爸那兒學到
如何扮演另一個角色，
如何扮演另一個角色，
05:29
who, I discovered,
learned it from his dad,
learned it from his dad,
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我發現，他是從他爸爸那裡學來的，
05:32
a state senator
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他爸爸是一位州參議員，
05:33
who later in life
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在人生的後期，
05:35
had to work nights as a janitor
to support his family,
to support his family,
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得在晚上做工友來養家餬口，
05:39
and he never told a soul.
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他從來沒有告訴任何人。
05:41
That role was to suffer in secret.
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那個角色就是在背地裡受苦。
05:43
And now three generations later,
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三個世代之後，
05:46
I find myself playing that role, too.
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我發現我自己也在扮演那個角色。
05:49
So why couldn't my grandfather
just reach out to another man
just reach out to another man
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為什麼我祖父不能向另一個男人
05:53
and ask for help?
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伸手求助？
05:54
Why does my dad to this day still think
he's got to do it all on his own?
he's got to do it all on his own?
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為什麼我爸爸至今仍然認為
他得靠自己一個人來做所有事？
他得靠自己一個人來做所有事？
05:58
I know a man who would rather die
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我知道有的男人寧可死，
06:01
than tell another man
that they're hurting.
that they're hurting.
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也不把自己的傷痛告訴另一個男人。
06:04
But it's not because we're just all,
like, strong silent types.
like, strong silent types.
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但那並不是因為我們
都是堅強沉默型的人。
都是堅強沉默型的人。
06:08
It's not. A lot of us men are really good
at making friends, and talking,
at making friends, and talking,
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並非如此。
有很多男人很會交朋友，很會說話，
06:13
just not about anything real.
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只是說不出什麼真實的東西。
06:15
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
06:17
If it's about work or sports
or politics or women,
or politics or women,
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如果話題是工作、
運動、政治或女人，
運動、政治或女人，
06:21
we have no problem sharing our opinions,
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分享我們的意見是完全沒問題的，
06:24
but if it's about
our insecurities or our struggles,
our insecurities or our struggles,
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但若談及我們的不安全感和掙扎，
06:27
our fear of failure,
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我們對失敗的恐懼，
06:30
then it's almost like we become paralyzed.
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我們就幾乎和癱瘓了一樣。
06:33
At least, I do.
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至少我是如此。
06:37
So some of the ways
that I have been practicing
that I have been practicing
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所以我一直在練習一些方式，
06:40
breaking free of this behavior
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來擺脫這種行為，
06:41
are by creating experiences
that force me to be vulnerable.
that force me to be vulnerable.
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包括去創造能強迫我脆弱的經驗。
06:46
So if there's something
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
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所以，如果在我的人生中
有件事會讓我感到羞恥，
有件事會讓我感到羞恥，
06:50
I practice diving straight into it,
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我就練習直接去深入它，
06:53
no matter how scary it is --
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不論那讓我多害怕，
06:55
and sometimes, even publicly.
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有時，甚至公開做。
06:58
Because then in doing so
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因為透過這麼做，
07:00
I take away its power,
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我就能奪走它的力量，
07:02
and my display of vulnerability
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我展現出的脆弱
07:04
can in some cases give other men
permission to do the same.
permission to do the same.
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在某些情況下，可以讓
其他男人也跟著這麼做。
其他男人也跟著這麼做。
07:09
As an example, a little while ago
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舉個例子，不久之前
07:11
I was wrestling with an issue in my life
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我在努力對付我生人中的一個問題，
07:13
that I knew I needed
to talk to my guy friends about,
to talk to my guy friends about,
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我知道我得要和男性朋友談這件事，
07:17
but I was so paralyzed by fear
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但恐懼讓我癱軟無力，
07:21
that they would judge me
and see me as weak
and see me as weak
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怕他們會評斷我、覺得我很柔弱，
07:23
and I would lose my standing as a leader
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我就會失去領導者的地位，
07:27
that I knew I had to take them
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
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我知道我得要帶他們出城，
去一趟三天的男性之旅──
去一趟三天的男性之旅──
07:32
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
07:33
Just to open up. And guess what?
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只為了打開心扉。猜猜如何？
07:36
It wasn't until the end of the third day
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一直到第三天的最後，
07:38
that I finally found
the strength to talk to them
the strength to talk to them
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我終於鼓起勇氣去和他們談
07:42
about what I was going through.
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我經歷了什麼事。
07:45
But when I did,
something amazing happened.
something amazing happened.
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當我這麼做時，神奇的事發生了。
07:47
I realized that I wasn't alone,
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我發現我並不孤單，
07:50
because my guys had also been struggling.
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因為我的男性朋友們也都在掙扎。
07:53
And as soon as I found the strength
and the courage to share my shame,
and the courage to share my shame,
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當我找到力量和勇氣
來分享我的羞恥，
來分享我的羞恥，
07:57
it was gone.
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它就消失了。
07:59
Now, I've learned over time
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隨時間過去，我學到
08:01
that if I want to practice vulnerability,
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如果我想要練習學著脆弱，
08:03
then I need to build myself
a system of accountability.
a system of accountability.
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我就得為自己建立一個責任系統。
08:06
So I've been really blessed as an actor.
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我很幸運是個演員。
08:10
I've built a really wonderful fan base,
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我有非常美好的粉絲群，
08:13
really, really sweet and engaged,
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他們很貼心也很投入，
08:15
and so I decided to use my social platform
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所以我決定用我的社交平台
08:18
as kind of this Trojan horse
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來當作特洛伊木馬，
08:20
wherein I could create a daily practice
of authenticity and vulnerability.
of authenticity and vulnerability.
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在那裡我能每天練習真實和脆弱。
08:25
The response has been incredible.
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得到的反應很不可思議。
08:27
It's been affirming,
it's been heartwarming.
it's been heartwarming.
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反應一直很肯定、很窩心。
08:31
I get tons of love and press
and positive messages daily.
and positive messages daily.
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我每天都接收到眾多的
愛、媒體評論和正面訊息。
愛、媒體評論和正面訊息。
08:36
But it's all from a certain demographic:
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但都是來自一個特定的族群：
08:40
women.
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女性。
08:41
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
08:44
This is real.
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這是真的。
08:47
Why are only women following me?
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為什麼只有女性追蹤我？
08:50
Where are the men?
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男人到哪去了？
08:51
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
08:54
About a year ago, I posted this photo.
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大約一年前，我貼出了這張照片。
08:58
Now, afterwards, I was scrolling
through some of the comments,
through some of the comments,
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之後，我在滑手機看一些留言，
09:01
and I noticed that one of my female fans
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
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我注意到，我的一位女影迷
在這照片標記了她的男友，
在這照片標記了她的男友，
09:05
and her boyfriend responded by saying,
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她男友回應說：
09:07
"Please stop tagging me in gay shit.
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「別繼續在這種同性戀的
屁事上標記我。
屁事上標記我。
09:11
Thx."
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謝謝。」
09:12
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
09:14
As if being gay makes you
less of a man, right?
less of a man, right?
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說得好像身為同性戀
就會讓你變得不夠男人，對吧？
就會讓你變得不夠男人，對吧？
09:18
So I took a deep breath,
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所以我深吸了一口氣，
09:21
and I responded.
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然後回應了他。
09:24
I said,
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我說，
09:26
very politely, that I was just curious,
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很禮貌地說，我只是好奇，
09:28
because I'm on an exploration
of masculinity,
of masculinity,
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因為我正在探索研究男子氣慨，
09:30
and I wanted to know
why my love for my wife
why my love for my wife
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我想要知道為什麼我對妻子的愛
09:32
qualified as gay shit.
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符合同性戀垃圾的資格。
09:34
And then I said,
honestly I just wanted to learn.
honestly I just wanted to learn.
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我接著說，老實講我只是想要了解。
09:37
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
09:42
Now, he immediately wrote me back.
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他馬上回應我。
09:45
I thought he was going to go off on me,
but instead he apologized.
but instead he apologized.
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我以為他會很氣我，但他卻道歉了。
09:51
He told me how, growing up,
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他告訴我，在他成長過成中，
09:53
public displays of affection
were looked down on.
were looked down on.
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公開示愛是會被人看貶的。
09:57
He told me that he was wrestling
and struggling with his ego,
and struggling with his ego,
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他告訴我，他在努力對抗他的自我，
10:01
and how much he loved his girlfriend
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以及他有多愛他的女友，
10:03
and how thankful he was for her patience.
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他有多感謝她的耐心。
10:07
And then a few weeks later,
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幾週之後，
10:09
he messaged me again.
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他又發了訊息給我。
10:12
This time he sent me a photo
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這次他傳了張照片給我，
10:15
of him on one knee proposing.
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是他單膝跪地求婚。
10:16
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
10:22
And all he said was, "Thank you."
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他只說了：「謝謝你。」
10:25
I've been this guy.
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我曾經像這個傢伙一樣。
我能懂。
10:27
I get it.
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在公開場合，
他只是在扮演他的角色，
他只是在扮演他的角色，
10:28
See, publicly,
he was just playing his role,
he was just playing his role,
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10:30
rejecting the feminine, right?
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拒絕女性化，對吧？
10:32
But secretly he was waiting
for permission to express himself,
for permission to express himself,
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但私底下，
他在等待能讓他表達自己、
他在等待能讓他表達自己、
被看見、被聽見的許可，
10:37
to be seen, to be heard,
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10:38
and all he needed was another man
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而他所需要的，只是另一個男人
10:39
holding him accountable
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
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3136
讓他放手去做，為他創造
一個讓他感覺舒適的空間，
一個讓他感覺舒適的空間，
10:43
and the transformation was instant.
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而轉變立刻就會發生。
10:45
I loved this experience,
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我很愛這段經驗，
10:47
because it showed me
that transformation is possible,
that transformation is possible,
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因為它讓我看到轉變是有可能的，
10:50
even over direct messages.
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即使是透過直接的訊息。
10:52
So I wanted to figure out
how I could reach more men,
how I could reach more men,
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所以我想要找出讓我能
接觸更多男人的方式，
接觸更多男人的方式，
10:55
but of course none of them
were following me.
were following me.
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但，當然他們都沒追蹤我。
10:57
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
10:59
So I tried an experiment.
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所以我嘗試了一個實驗。
11:01
I started posting more
stereotypically masculine things --
stereotypically masculine things --
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我開始貼一些關於男子氣概
刻板印象的東西──
刻板印象的東西──
11:05
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
11:07
Like my challenging workouts,
my meal plans,
my meal plans,
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像是我的挑戰性健身、
我的飲食計畫、
我的飲食計畫、
11:11
my journey to heal my body
after an injury.
after an injury.
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我在受傷後如何治癒我身體的旅程。
11:14
And guess what happened?
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猜猜發生了什麼事？
11:17
Men started to write me.
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男人開始寫信給我。
11:19
And then, out of the blue,
for the first time in my entire career,
for the first time in my entire career,
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突然間，在我職涯中頭一次，
11:22
a male fitness magazine called me,
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一本男性健身雜誌打電話給我，
11:25
and they said they wanted to honor me
as one of their game-changers.
as one of their game-changers.
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他們想給我一項榮耀，選我為
他們的遊戲規則顛覆者之一。
他們的遊戲規則顛覆者之一。
11:31
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
11:35
Was that really game-changing?
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那算是顛覆遊戲規則嗎？
11:38
Or is it just conforming?
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還是只是遵循？
11:40
And see, that's the problem.
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那就是問題所在。
11:42
It's totally cool for men to follow me
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當我在談男性的話題時，
11:44
when I talk about guy stuff
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男人都覺得追蹤我沒問題，
11:47
and I conform to gender norms.
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因為我遵循了性別規範。
11:50
But if I talk about
how much I love my wife
how much I love my wife
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但如果我談我有多愛我妻子、
11:54
or my daughter or my 10-day-old son,
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我女兒，或才出生十天的兒子，
11:58
how I believe that marriage
is challenging but beautiful,
is challenging but beautiful,
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談我相信婚姻是
很有挑戰性但也很美好的，
很有挑戰性但也很美好的，
12:02
or how as a man
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
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或談我身為男人如何因為
身體畸形恐懼症而掙扎，
身體畸形恐懼症而掙扎，
12:06
or if I promote gender equality,
then only the women show up.
then only the women show up.
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或談如果我提倡性別平等，
結果只有女性會參與。
結果只有女性會參與。
12:10
Where are the men?
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男人在哪裡？
12:12
So men, men, men,
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所以，男人，男人，男人，
12:17
men!
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男人！
12:19
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
12:27
I understand.
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我了解。
12:29
Growing up, we tend
to challenge each other.
to challenge each other.
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成長過程中，我們傾向會挑戰彼此。
12:32
We've got to be the toughest,
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我們得要盡所能成為
12:33
the strongest, the bravest
men that we can be.
men that we can be.
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最強悍、最強壯、最勇敢的男人。
12:36
And for many of us, myself included,
our identities are wrapped up
our identities are wrapped up
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許多男人，包括我自己，
我們對自我認知的定義
我們對自我認知的定義
12:40
in whether or not at the end of the day
we feel like we're man enough.
we feel like we're man enough.
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可歸結為覺得自己是否夠男子氣概。
12:45
But I've got a challenge for all the guys,
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但我要給所有男人一個挑戰，
12:47
because men love challenges.
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因為男人愛挑戰。
12:49
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
12:52
I challenge you to see
if you can use the same qualities
if you can use the same qualities
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我挑戰你們，你們是否能夠用那些
12:55
that you feel make you a man
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讓你們覺得自己像男人的特質，
12:57
to go deeper into yourself.
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來更深入你們自己。
13:00
Your strength, your bravery,
your toughness:
your toughness:
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你們的力量、你們的勇氣、
你們的強悍：
你們的強悍：
13:03
Can we redefine what those mean
and use them to explore our hearts?
and use them to explore our hearts?
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我們能不能重新定義它們的意義，
然後用它們來探索我們的心？
然後用它們來探索我們的心？
13:10
Are you brave enough
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你是否勇敢到
13:12
to be vulnerable?
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敢於脆弱？
13:15
To reach out to another man
when you need help?
when you need help?
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敢在需要協助時向另一個男人求助？
13:18
To dive headfirst into your shame?
268
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無懼地跳入你的羞恥中？
13:22
Are you strong enough to be sensitive,
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你是否強壯到可以很敏感，
13:25
to cry whether you are hurting
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2136
不管在受傷時
或開心時都敢於哭泣，
13:27
or you're happy,
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13:28
even if it makes you look weak?
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即使那讓你看起來軟弱？
13:31
Are you confident enough
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你是否自信到
13:34
to listen to the women in your life?
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可以傾聽你人生中的女人？
13:37
To hear their ideas and their solutions?
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去聽她們的想法和解決方案？
13:39
To hold their anguish
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擁抱著她們的痛苦
13:41
and actually believe them,
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且真正相信她們，
13:44
even if what they're saying
is against you?
is against you?
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即使她們說的是反對你的言語？
13:47
And will you be man enough
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你是否有男子氣概到
13:49
to stand up to other men
when you hear "locker room talk,"
when you hear "locker room talk,"
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可以在你聽見「更衣室談話」時、
聽到性騷擾故事時，
聽到性騷擾故事時，
13:53
when you hear stories
of sexual harassment?
of sexual harassment?
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敢於站出來面對其他男人？
13:55
When you hear your boys talking
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
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當你聽到你的男性朋友談論
抓女人屁股或灌醉她時，
抓女人屁股或灌醉她時，
13:59
will you actually stand up
and do something
and do something
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你是否會站出來做點什麼，
14:01
so that one day
we don't have to live in a world
we don't have to live in a world
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這樣將來我們所居住的世界才不會是
14:03
where a woman has to risk everything
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女人得要冒一切風險
並站出來說「我也是」？
(「我也是」為譴責性侵、性騷擾的運動)
(「我也是」為譴責性侵、性騷擾的運動)
14:05
and come forward
to say the words "me too?"
to say the words "me too?"
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14:07
(Applause)
287
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（掌聲）
14:18
This is serious stuff.
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這是很嚴肅的。
我得要真正很誠實地去看
14:21
I've had to take a real, honest look
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14:22
at the ways that I've unconsciously
been hurting the women in my life,
been hurting the women in my life,
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4640
我以什麼方式在無意識中
傷害了我人生中的女性，
傷害了我人生中的女性，
14:28
and it's ugly.
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這是很醜陋的。
14:31
My wife told me that I had been
acting in a certain way that hurt her
acting in a certain way that hurt her
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我妻子告訴我，
我一直用某種方式在傷害她，
我一直用某種方式在傷害她，
14:36
and not correcting it.
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且都沒有修正。
14:39
Basically, sometimes
when she would go to speak,
when she would go to speak,
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基本上，有時當她想要說話，
14:43
at home or in public,
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在家或在公眾場合，
14:45
I would just cut her off mid-sentence
and finish her thought for her.
and finish her thought for her.
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我會打斷她說一半的句子，
然後幫她完成她的想法。
然後幫她完成她的想法。
14:51
It's awful.
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那糟透了。
14:53
The worst part was that I was completely
unaware when I was doing it.
unaware when I was doing it.
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最差勁的部份是，
我完全不知道我做了這件事。
我完全不知道我做了這件事。
14:56
It was unconscious.
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那是無意識的。
14:58
So here I am doing my part,
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所以，我在這裡扮演我的角色，
15:00
trying to be a feminist,
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試著成為女權主義者，
15:01
amplifying the voices
of women around the world,
of women around the world,
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將全世界女性的聲音放大，
15:04
and yet at home,
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然而，在家時，
15:05
I am using my louder voice
to silence the woman I love the most.
to silence the woman I love the most.
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我卻用我更大的聲音
來讓我最愛的女人沉默。
來讓我最愛的女人沉默。
15:11
So I had to ask myself a tough question:
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所以我得問自己一個艱難的問題：
15:14
am I man enough
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我是否有男子氣概到
15:16
to just shut the hell up and listen?
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可以閉上嘴然後傾聽？
15:18
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
15:20
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
15:24
I've got to be honest.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
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我得要老實說，
我希望剛剛不會得到掌聲。
我希望剛剛不會得到掌聲。
15:27
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
15:29
Guys,
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男人們，
15:31
this is real.
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這是真實的。
15:33
And I'm just scratching the surface here,
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我只是點到為止，
15:35
because the deeper we go,
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
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因為我們越深入，
狀況就會更醜陋，我保證。
狀況就會更醜陋，我保證。
15:38
I don't have time to get into porn
and violence against women
and violence against women
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我沒有時間進入對
抗女性的色情片和暴力，
抗女性的色情片和暴力，
15:41
or the split of domestic duties
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或是家事的分擔，
15:45
or the gender pay gap.
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或兩性薪資落差。
15:48
But I believe that as men,
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但，身為男人我相信，
15:50
it's time we start to see
past our privilege
past our privilege
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時候到了，我們該看穿我們的特權，
15:52
and recognize that we are
not just part of the problem.
not just part of the problem.
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並承認我們並不只是問題的一部份。
15:55
Fellas, we are the problem.
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男人們，我們就是問題。
15:56
The glass ceiling exists
because we put it there,
because we put it there,
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玻璃天花板會存在，
是因為我們把它放在那裡，
是因為我們把它放在那裡，
16:00
and if we want to be
a part of the solution,
a part of the solution,
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如果我們想成為解決方案的一部份，
16:02
then words are no longer enough.
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光會說是不夠的。
16:05
There's a quote that I love that
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
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我成長過程中一直
很愛一句巴哈伊引言。
很愛一句巴哈伊引言。
16:10
It says that "the world of humanity
is possessed of two wings,
is possessed of two wings,
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它說：「人類的世界擁有兩隻翅膀，
16:14
the male and the female.
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男性和女性。
16:17
So long as these two wings
are not equivalent in strength,
are not equivalent in strength,
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只要這兩隻翅膀在力量上不均等，
16:21
the bird will not fly."
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這隻鳥就飛不起來。」
16:25
So women,
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所以，各位女性，
16:27
on behalf of men all over the world
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代表全世界和我有相似感受的男人，
16:31
who feel similar to me,
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16:34
please forgive us
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請原諒我們，
16:36
for all the ways that we have not
relied on your strength.
relied on your strength.
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原諒我們用各種方式
不去仰賴你們的力量。
不去仰賴你們的力量。
16:41
And now I would like
to ask you to formally help us,
to ask you to formally help us,
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現在，我想請你們正式協助我們，
16:44
because we cannot do this alone.
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因為我們靠自己無法做到。
16:46
We are men. We're going to mess up.
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我們是男人。我們會搞砸。
16:48
We're going to say the wrong thing.
We're going to be tone-deaf.
We're going to be tone-deaf.
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我們會說錯話。我們是音盲。
16:51
We're more than likely, probably,
going to offend you.
going to offend you.
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我們非常有可能會冒犯你們。
16:53
But don't lose hope.
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但別失去希望。
16:56
We're only here because of you,
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因為你們，我們才會在這裡。
16:59
and like you, as men, we need
to stand up and become your allies
to stand up and become your allies
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就像你們，我們男人也需要
站起來並變成你們的盟友，
站起來並變成你們的盟友，
17:02
as you fight against
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和你們一起對抗
17:05
pretty much everything.
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幾乎任何事物。
17:08
We need your help
in celebrating our vulnerability
in celebrating our vulnerability
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我們需要你們的協助，
來讚頌我們的脆弱，
來讚頌我們的脆弱，
17:11
and being patient with us
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對我們耐心點，
17:13
as we make this very, very long journey
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我們正在進行這趟
非常非常漫長的旅程，
非常非常漫長的旅程，
17:17
from our heads to our hearts.
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從我們的頭前往我們的心。
17:20
And finally to parents:
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最後，給父母們：
17:25
instead of teaching our children
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不要教導我們的孩子
17:27
to be brave boys or pretty girls,
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成為勇敢的男孩或漂亮的女孩，
17:33
can we maybe just teach them
how to be good humans?
how to be good humans?
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我們能不能就只要教
他們如何成為好人？
他們如何成為好人？
17:38
So back to my dad.
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回到我爸爸的事。
17:41
Growing up, yeah, like every boy,
I had my fair share of issues,
I had my fair share of issues,
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我在成長過程中，
和每個男孩都一樣有很多問題，
和每個男孩都一樣有很多問題，
17:45
but now I realize that it was
even thanks to his sensitivity
even thanks to his sensitivity
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但現在我了解到，幸虧有他的敏感
17:48
and emotional intelligence
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以及情緒智慧，
17:50
that I am able to stand here right now
talking to you in the first place.
talking to you in the first place.
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我現在才能站在這裡和各位說話。
17:55
The resentment I had for my dad
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
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現在，我了解到
我對爸爸的忿怒其實與他無關，
我對爸爸的忿怒其實與他無關，
17:58
It had everything to do with me
and my longing to be accepted
and my longing to be accepted
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而是完全和我有關。
我渴望被接納，
我渴望被接納，
18:04
and to play a role
that was never meant for me.
that was never meant for me.
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想扮演一個從來就不適合我的角色。
18:07
So while my dad may have not taught me
how to use my hands,
how to use my hands,
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雖然我爸爸沒有教我
怎麼用我的雙手，
怎麼用我的雙手，
18:11
he did teach me how to use my heart,
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他教我如何用我的心，
18:14
and to me that makes him
more a man than anything.
more a man than anything.
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對我來說，那就讓他
比任何人都更有男子氣概。
比任何人都更有男子氣概。
18:17
Thank you.
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謝謝。
18:19
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneurAn outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity.
Why you should listen
Justin Baldoni is an actor, director and entrepreneur whose efforts are focused on creating impactful media. He can be seen playing Rafael on CW’s award-winning phenomenon Jane the Virgin. In 2012, Baldoni created the most watched digital documentary series in history, My Last Days, a show about living told by the dying. On the heels of that success, Baldoni founded Wayfarer Entertainment, a digital media studio focused on disruptive inspiration.
In 2014 Baldoni started the annual Carnival of Love with a mission to improve the way the Los Angeles community views and interacts those experiencing homelessness. To support his work on Skid Row, he started the Wayfarer Foundation, which supports his work breaking the cycle of homelessness and supporting individuals facing terminal illness.
Justin Baldoni | Speaker | TED.com