TEDxFondduLac
Ryan Martin: Why we get mad -- and why it's healthy
Rajan Martin (Ryan Martin): Zašto besnimo i zašto je to zdravo
Filmed:
Readability: 3.3
2,589,046 views
Istraživač besa Rajan Martin iznosi saznanja iz karijere tokom koje je proučavao šta izaziva bes kod ljudi kako bi objasnio neke kognitivne procese u osnovi besa, kao i to zašto zdrava doza besa zapravo može biti korisna. „Vaš bes postoji u vama... jer je omogućio vašim precima, ljudskim i neljudskim, evolucijsku prednost,“ kaže on „[To] je moćna i zdrava sila u vašem životu.“
Ryan Martin - Psychologist
Dr. Ryan Martin is the chair of the psychology department at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay. Full bio
Dr. Ryan Martin is the chair of the psychology department at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
Alright, so I want you to imagine that you
get a text from a friend, and it reads ...
get a text from a friend, and it reads ...
0
1784
5064
Dobro, hoću da zamislite da ste dobili
poruku od prijatelja koja kaže:
poruku od prijatelja koja kaže:
„NEĆEŠ verovati šta se upravo desilo.
Tako sam LJUT sada!“
Tako sam LJUT sada!“
00:18
"You will NOT believe what just happened.
I'm SO MAD right now!"
I'm SO MAD right now!"
1
6872
3936
00:23
So you do the dutiful thing as a friend,
and you ask for details.
and you ask for details.
2
11260
3460
I onda obavite svoju dužnost prijatelja
i pitate za detalje.
i pitate za detalje.
00:26
And they tell you a story
about what happened to them
about what happened to them
3
14744
2539
I onda vam ispriča šta se desilo
u teretani ili na poslu
ili prošle noći na sastanku.
ili prošle noći na sastanku.
00:29
at the gym or at work
or on their date last night.
or on their date last night.
4
17307
2440
00:31
And you listen and you try
to understand why they're so mad.
to understand why they're so mad.
5
19771
3325
A vi slušate i pokušavate da razumete
zašto je toliko ljut.
zašto je toliko ljut.
00:35
Maybe even secretly judge
whether or not they should be so mad.
whether or not they should be so mad.
6
23548
3303
Možda i potajno sudite o tome
da li bi trebalo da bude ljut ili ne.
da li bi trebalo da bude ljut ili ne.
00:38
(Laughter)
7
26875
2110
(Smeh)
00:41
And maybe you even offer some suggestions.
8
29009
2076
Možda čak date i neke predloge.
00:43
Now, in that moment, you are doing
essentially what I get to do every day,
essentially what I get to do every day,
9
31109
3540
U tom trenutku radite u suštini
ono što ja radim svakoga dana,
ono što ja radim svakoga dana,
00:46
because I'm an anger researcher,
10
34673
1880
jer ja proučavam bes,
00:48
and as an anger researcher, I spend
a good part of my professional life --
a good part of my professional life --
11
36577
4330
i kao istraživač provodim dobar deo
svog profesionalnog života -
svog profesionalnog života -
00:52
who am I kidding, also my personal life --
12
40931
2778
ma koga zavaravam, i svog ličnog života -
00:55
studying why people get mad.
13
43733
1809
proučavajući zašto se ljudi ljute.
00:58
I study the types of thoughts
they have when they get mad,
they have when they get mad,
14
46042
2746
Proučavam vrste misli
koje imaju kada se naljute,
koje imaju kada se naljute,
čak i šta rade kada se naljute,
01:00
and I even study what they do
when they get mad,
when they get mad,
15
48812
2281
bilo da je to tuča ili lomljenje stvari,
01:03
whether it's getting into fights
or breaking things,
or breaking things,
16
51117
2468
ili čak vikanje na ljude
na internetu velikim slovima.
na internetu velikim slovima.
01:05
or even yelling at people
in all caps on the internet.
in all caps on the internet.
17
53609
2547
(Smeh)
01:08
(Laughter)
18
56180
984
Kao što možete da zamislite,
01:09
And as you can imagine,
19
57188
1366
01:10
when people hear I'm an anger researcher,
20
58578
1983
kada ljudi čuju da proučavam bes,
oni žele sa mnom da pričaju o svom besu,
01:12
they want to talk to me about their anger,
21
60585
2000
žele sa mnom da podele svoje priče o besu.
01:14
they want to share with me
their anger stories.
their anger stories.
22
62609
2213
I to ne zato što im je potreban terapeut,
01:16
And it's not because
they need a therapist,
they need a therapist,
23
64846
2001
iako se i to ponekad dešava,
01:18
though that does sometimes happen,
24
66871
1635
već zato što je bes univerzalan.
01:20
it's really because anger is universal.
25
68530
1880
To je nešto što svi osećamo
i sa čim mogu da se povežu.
i sa čim mogu da se povežu.
01:22
It's something we all feel
and it's something they can relate to.
and it's something they can relate to.
26
70434
3103
Osećamo ga od prvih meseci svog života,
01:25
We've been feeling it
since the first few months of life,
since the first few months of life,
27
73561
2707
kada ne dobijemo ono što smo želeli
dok protestujemo plačom,
dok protestujemo plačom,
01:28
when we didn't get what we wanted
in our cries of protests,
in our cries of protests,
28
76292
3222
01:31
things like, "What do you mean
you won't pick up the rattle, Dad,
you won't pick up the rattle, Dad,
29
79538
3365
npr: „Kako to misliš, ne želiš
da podigneš zvečku, tata,
da podigneš zvečku, tata,
01:34
I want it!"
30
82927
1158
želim je!“
01:36
(Laughter)
31
84109
1440
(Smeh)
01:38
We feel it throughout our teenage years,
as my mom can certainly attest to with me.
as my mom can certainly attest to with me.
32
86141
4381
Osećamo ga kao tinejdžeri,
o čemu moja mama može sigurno posvedočiti.
o čemu moja mama može sigurno posvedočiti.
01:42
Sorry, Mom.
33
90546
1150
Izvini, mama.
01:44
We feel it to the very end.
34
92188
1805
Osećamo ga do samog kraja.
01:46
In fact, anger has been with us
at some of the worst moments of our lives.
at some of the worst moments of our lives.
35
94017
3925
U stvari, bes je sa nama u nekim
od najgorih trenutaka naših života.
od najgorih trenutaka naših života.
01:50
It's a natural and expected
part of our grief.
part of our grief.
36
98321
2850
To je prirodan i očekivani deo naše tuge.
01:53
But it's also been with us
in some of the best moments of our lives,
in some of the best moments of our lives,
37
101195
3213
Ali je sa nama i u nekima
od najboljih trenutaka naših života,
od najboljih trenutaka naših života,
u specijalnim trenucima
kao što su venčanja i odmori
kao što su venčanja i odmori
01:56
with those special occasions
like weddings and vacations
like weddings and vacations
38
104432
3016
01:59
often marred by these everyday
frustrations --
frustrations --
39
107472
2796
koji su često narušeni
ovim svakodnevnim frustracijama -
ovim svakodnevnim frustracijama -
02:02
bad weather, travel delays --
40
110292
1520
loše vreme, odlaganje putovanja -
02:03
that feel horrible in the moment,
41
111836
2004
koji se u tom trenutku čine strašno,
02:05
but then are ultimately forgotten
when things go OK.
when things go OK.
42
113864
3276
ali se na kraju zaborave
kada stvari budu okej.
kada stvari budu okej.
02:09
I have a lot of conversations
with people about their anger
with people about their anger
43
117990
2786
Mnogo razgovaram sa ljudima
o njihovom besu
o njihovom besu
i kroz te razgovore sam naučio
da mnogi ljudi,
da mnogi ljudi,
02:12
and it's through those conversations
that I've learned that many people,
that I've learned that many people,
44
120800
3397
kladim se, i mnogi u ovoj prostoriji sada,
02:16
and I bet many people
in this room right now,
in this room right now,
45
124221
2142
vide bes kao problem.
02:18
you see anger as a problem.
46
126387
1293
Vidite kako otežava vaš život,
02:19
You see the way
it interferes in your life,
it interferes in your life,
47
127704
2054
kako šteti vezama,
možda i na zastrašujuće načine.
možda i na zastrašujuće načine.
02:21
the way it damages relationships,
maybe even the ways it's scary.
maybe even the ways it's scary.
48
129782
3144
Iako razumem sve to,
ja vidim bes malo drugačije,
ja vidim bes malo drugačije,
02:24
And while I get all of that,
I see anger a little differently,
I see anger a little differently,
49
132950
3206
02:28
and today, I want to tell you
something really important
something really important
50
136180
2627
i danas želim da vam kažem
nešto jako važno
nešto jako važno
o vašem besu:
02:30
about your anger, and it's this:
51
138831
1532
bes je moćna i zdrava sila u vašem životu.
02:32
anger is a powerful and healthy
force in your life.
force in your life.
52
140387
3412
02:35
It's good that you feel it.
53
143823
1699
Dobro je što ga osećate.
02:37
You need to feel it.
54
145546
1333
Treba da ga osećate.
Kako bismo razumeli sve to,
moramo se vratiti unazad
moramo se vratiti unazad
02:39
But to understand all that,
we actually have to back up
we actually have to back up
55
147792
2579
i popričati o tome
zašto se uopšte ljutimo.
zašto se uopšte ljutimo.
02:42
and talk about why we get mad
in the first place.
in the first place.
56
150395
2312
02:44
A lot of this goes back to the work
of an anger researcher
of an anger researcher
57
152731
2762
Dosta ovoga se svodi na rad
istraživača besa
istraživača besa
02:47
named Dr. Jerry Deffenbacher,
who wrote about this back in 1996
who wrote about this back in 1996
58
155517
4040
koji se zvao dr Džeri Defenbaker,
koji je pisao o ovome još 1996.
koji je pisao o ovome još 1996.
02:51
in a book chapter on how to deal
with problematic anger.
with problematic anger.
59
159581
2679
u poglavlju knjige koje se bavi
problematičnim besom.
problematičnim besom.
02:54
Now, for most of us,
and I bet most of you,
and I bet most of you,
60
162284
2223
Za većinu nas, a kladim se i vas,
02:56
it feels as simple as this:
61
164531
1942
čini se da je ovako jednostavno:
02:58
I get mad when I'm provoked.
62
166497
1548
razljutim se kad me isprovociraju.
To čujete u rečniku koji ljudi koriste.
03:00
You hear it in the language people use.
63
168506
1904
Govore stvari kao što je:
03:02
They say things like,
64
170434
1174
„Toliko me razbesni kada ljudi
voze ovako sporo,“
voze ovako sporo,“
03:03
"It makes me so mad
when people drive this slow,"
when people drive this slow,"
65
171632
2366
03:06
or, "I got mad because she left
the milk out again."
the milk out again."
66
174022
4045
ili „Razbesneo sam se
jer je opet ostavila mleko van frižidera.“
jer je opet ostavila mleko van frižidera.“
03:10
Or my favorite,
67
178091
1157
Ili moja omiljena:
03:11
"I don't have an anger problem --
people just need to stop messing with me."
people just need to stop messing with me."
68
179272
3646
„Ja nemam problem sa besom -
samo treba da prestanu da me nerviraju.“
samo treba da prestanu da me nerviraju.“
(Smeh)
03:14
(Laughter)
69
182942
1150
03:16
Now, in the spirit of better understanding
those types of provocations,
those types of provocations,
70
184527
4185
Kako bismo bolje razumeli
ovakve provokacije,
ovakve provokacije,
03:20
I ask a lot of people, including
my friends and colleagues and even family,
my friends and colleagues and even family,
71
188736
4262
pitam mnoge ljude, uključujući
svoje prijatelje i kolege, čak i porodicu:
svoje prijatelje i kolege, čak i porodicu:
03:25
"What are the things
that really get to you?
that really get to you?
72
193022
2127
„Koje stvari vas stvarno pogađaju?
Šta vas razljuti?“
03:27
What makes you mad?"
73
195173
1341
03:28
By the way, now is a good time
to point out one of the advantages
to point out one of the advantages
74
196538
3087
I da, sad je pravo vreme
da istaknem da je jedna od prednosti
da istaknem da je jedna od prednosti
toga što sam istraživač besa
03:31
of being an anger researcher
75
199649
1349
ta što sam proveo više od decenije
sastavljajući obimnu listu
sastavljajući obimnu listu
03:33
is that I've spent more than a decade
generating a comprehensive list
generating a comprehensive list
76
201022
3277
svih stvari koje stvarno
nerviraju moje kolege.
nerviraju moje kolege.
03:36
of all the things
that really irritate my colleagues.
that really irritate my colleagues.
77
204323
3160
03:39
Just in case I need it.
78
207507
1380
Za slučaj da mi zatreba.
03:40
(Laughter)
79
208911
3984
(Smeh)
03:44
But their answers are fascinating,
80
212919
2159
Njihovi odgovori su fascinantni,
03:47
because they say things like,
81
215102
2435
jer govore stvari kao što su:
03:49
"when my sports team loses,"
82
217561
1976
„kada izgubi moj tim“,
03:51
"people who chew too loudly."
83
219561
2397
„ljudi koji preglasno žvaću“.
03:53
That is surprisingly common, by the way.
84
221982
2428
Ovo je iznenađujuće često, zapravo.
03:56
"People who walk too slowly,"
that one's mine.
that one's mine.
85
224434
3080
„Ljudi koji hodaju presporo“ - ta je moja.
03:59
And of course, "roundabouts."
86
227974
1975
I naravno „kružni tokovi“.
04:01
Roundabouts --
87
229973
1176
Kružni tokovi -
04:03
(Laughter)
88
231173
1991
(Smeh)
04:05
I can tell you honestly,
there is no rage like roundabout rage.
there is no rage like roundabout rage.
89
233188
3111
Iskreno, ništa ne izaziva bes
kao kružni tokovi.
kao kružni tokovi.
04:08
(Laughter)
90
236323
2389
(Smeh)
04:11
Sometimes their answers
aren't minor at all.
aren't minor at all.
91
239219
2081
Ponekada njihovi odgovori
uopšte nisu minorni.
uopšte nisu minorni.
04:13
Sometimes they talk
about racism and sexism and bullying
about racism and sexism and bullying
92
241324
3508
Ponekad govore o rasizmu,
seksizmu, nasilju
seksizmu, nasilju
04:16
and environmental destruction --
big, global problems we all face.
big, global problems we all face.
93
244856
4321
i uništavanju životne sredine -
velikim, globalnim problemima svih nas.
velikim, globalnim problemima svih nas.
04:21
But sometimes,
94
249839
1214
Ali ponekad,
04:23
their answers are very specific,
maybe even oddly specific.
maybe even oddly specific.
95
251077
3270
njihovi odgovori su jako konkretni,
možda čak i čudno konkretni.
možda čak i čudno konkretni.
04:26
"That wet line you get across your shirt
96
254815
2135
„Ona mokra linija koja ostane preko majice
04:28
when you accidentally lean
against the counter of a public bathroom."
against the counter of a public bathroom."
97
256974
3348
kada se slučajno nagnete
preko lavaboa u javnom toaletu.“
preko lavaboa u javnom toaletu.“
04:32
(Laughter)
98
260346
1524
(Smeh)
04:33
Super gross, right?
99
261894
1611
Baš odvratno, je l' da?
04:35
(Laughter)
100
263529
1508
(Smeh)
04:37
Or "Flash drives: there's only
two ways to plug them in,
two ways to plug them in,
101
265061
3427
Ili „USB memorija: postoje
samo dva načina da je uključite,
samo dva načina da je uključite,
04:40
so why does it always
take me three tries?"
take me three tries?"
102
268512
2190
pa zašto meni uvek trebaju tri pokušaja?“
04:42
(Laughter)
103
270726
4483
(Smeh)
04:47
Now whether it's minor or major,
whether it's general or specific,
whether it's general or specific,
104
275233
3705
Bilo da je u pitanju nešto malo
ili veliko, uopšteno ili konkretno,
ili veliko, uopšteno ili konkretno,
04:50
we can look at these examples
105
278962
1631
možemo posmatrati ove primere
04:52
and we can tease out some common themes.
106
280617
2631
i izvući neke česte teme.
04:55
We get angry in situations
that are unpleasant,
that are unpleasant,
107
283272
2841
Razbesnimo se u situacijama
koje su neprijatne,
koje su neprijatne,
04:58
that feel unfair,
where our goals are blocked,
where our goals are blocked,
108
286137
2666
koje se čine nepravednim,
kada su naši ciljevi blokirani,
kada su naši ciljevi blokirani,
05:00
that could have been avoided,
and that leave us feeling powerless.
and that leave us feeling powerless.
109
288827
3114
koje su mogle da se izbegnu,
koje nas čine nemoćnima.
koje nas čine nemoćnima.
05:03
This is a recipe for anger.
110
291965
1800
To je recept ze bes.
05:06
But you can also tell
111
294100
1388
Ali verovatno znate
05:07
that anger is probably not the only thing
we're feeling in these situations.
we're feeling in these situations.
112
295512
3849
da bes uglavnom nije jedina stvar
koju osećamo u ovim situacijama.
koju osećamo u ovim situacijama.
05:11
Anger doesn't happen in a vacuum.
113
299385
1629
On se ne događa u vakuumu.
05:13
We can feel angry at the same time
that we're scared or sad,
that we're scared or sad,
114
301038
3436
Možemo osećati bes
zajedno sa strahom ili tugom,
zajedno sa strahom ili tugom,
05:16
or feeling a host of other emotions.
115
304498
2531
ili mnogim drugim emocijama.
05:19
But here's the thing:
116
307053
1453
Evo u čemu je stvar:
05:20
these provocations --
they aren't making us mad.
they aren't making us mad.
117
308530
3198
ove provokacije - one nas ne razbesne.
05:23
At least not on their own,
118
311752
1310
Bar ne one same po sebi,
05:25
and we know that, because if they were,
119
313086
1863
i to znamo, jer da nas one razbesne,
05:26
we'd all get angry
over the same things, and we don't.
over the same things, and we don't.
120
314973
3080
svi bismo se stalno ljutili
zbog istih stvari, a ne ljutimo se.
zbog istih stvari, a ne ljutimo se.
05:30
The reasons I get angry are different
than the reasons you get angry,
than the reasons you get angry,
121
318077
3278
Razlozi zbog kojih se ja ljutim
nisu razlozi zbog kojih se vi ljutite,
nisu razlozi zbog kojih se vi ljutite,
05:33
so there's got to be
something else going on.
something else going on.
122
321379
2118
tako da tu mora da se dešava nešto drugo.
05:35
What is that something else?
123
323521
1493
A šta je to drugo?
Pa, znamo da je važno šta radimo
i osećamo u trenutku provokacije.
i osećamo u trenutku provokacije.
05:37
Well, we know what we're doing and feeling
at the moment of that provocation matters.
at the moment of that provocation matters.
124
325038
5269
05:42
We call this the pre-anger state --
are you hungry, are you tired,
are you hungry, are you tired,
125
330331
3730
Ovo zovemo stanje pred bes -
da li ste gladni, umorni,
da li ste gladni, umorni,
05:46
are you anxious about something else,
are you running late for something?
are you running late for something?
126
334085
3460
da li ste nervozni zbog nečeg drugog,
da li negde kasnite?
da li negde kasnite?
05:49
When you're feeling those things,
127
337569
1849
Kada osećate ove stvari,
05:51
those provocations feel that much worse.
128
339442
2428
te provokacije se čine mnogo gorima.
05:54
But what matters most
is not the provocation,
is not the provocation,
129
342752
2373
Ali nije najvažnija provokacija,
05:57
it's not the pre-anger state, it's this:
130
345149
2571
ni stanje pred bes, već ovo:
05:59
it's how we interpret that provocation,
131
347744
1873
kako tumačimo tu provokaciju,
06:01
it's how we make sense of it in our lives.
132
349641
2729
kako je shvatamo u svom životu.
06:04
When something happens to us,
133
352394
1405
Kada nam se nešto desi,
06:05
we first decide, is this good or bad?
134
353823
3080
prvo odlučimo da li je to dobro ili loše.
06:08
Is it fair or unfair,
is it blameworthy, is it punishable?
is it blameworthy, is it punishable?
135
356927
3674
Da li je fer ili nije, da li je vredno
pripisivanja krivice, da li je kažnjivo?
pripisivanja krivice, da li je kažnjivo?
06:12
That's primary appraisal,
it's when you evaluate the event itself.
it's when you evaluate the event itself.
136
360990
3818
To je primarna procena,
kada ocenjujete sam događaj.
kada ocenjujete sam događaj.
06:16
We decide what it means
in the context of our lives
in the context of our lives
137
364832
2413
Odlučujemo šta znači
u kontekstu svojih života,
u kontekstu svojih života,
06:19
and once we've done that,
we decide how bad it is.
we decide how bad it is.
138
367269
2356
a kada to uradimo,
odlučujemo koliko je loše.
odlučujemo koliko je loše.
06:21
That's secondary appraisal.
139
369649
1729
To je sekundarna procena.
06:23
We say, "Is this the worst thing
that's ever happened,
that's ever happened,
140
371919
2545
Pitamo se: „Da li je ovo najgore
što se ikada dogodilo,
što se ikada dogodilo,
06:26
or can I cope with this?
141
374488
1600
ili mogu s tim da se nosim?“
06:28
Now, to illustrate that, I want you
to imagine you are driving somewhere.
to imagine you are driving somewhere.
142
376815
3507
Kako bih to ilustrovao,
zamislite da se negde vozite.
zamislite da se negde vozite.
06:33
And before I go any further,
I should tell you,
I should tell you,
143
381052
2310
I pre nego što nastavim,
trebalo bi da vam kažem,
trebalo bi da vam kažem,
06:35
if I were an evil genius
144
383386
1896
da sam zli genije
06:37
and I wanted to create a situation
that was going to make you mad,
that was going to make you mad,
145
385306
3572
i da želim da stvorim situaciju
koja će vas razbesneti,
koja će vas razbesneti,
06:40
that situation would look
a lot like driving.
a lot like driving.
146
388902
2438
ona bi dosta podsećala na vožnju.
06:43
(Laughter)
147
391364
995
(Smeh)
06:44
It's true.
148
392383
1158
To je tačno.
06:45
You are, by definition,
on your way somewhere,
on your way somewhere,
149
393565
2167
Vi ste, po definiciji, na putu negde,
06:47
so everything that happens -- traffic,
other drivers, road construction --
other drivers, road construction --
150
395756
4577
pa sve što se dešava - saobraćaj,
drugi vozači, radovi na putu -
drugi vozači, radovi na putu -
06:52
it feels like it's blocking your goals.
151
400357
2148
čini se da blokiraju vaše ciljeve.
06:54
There are all these written
and unwritten rules of the road,
and unwritten rules of the road,
152
402529
3191
Postoji toliko tih pisanih
i nepisanih pravila puta,
i nepisanih pravila puta,
06:57
and those rules are routinely violated
right in front of you,
right in front of you,
153
405744
3254
i ta pravila se stalno krše
vama pred nosom,
vama pred nosom,
07:01
usually without consequence.
154
409022
1515
obično bez posledica.
07:02
And who's violating those rules?
155
410561
1746
A ko krši ova pravila?
07:04
Anonymous others,
people you will never see again,
people you will never see again,
156
412331
2595
Drugi anonimusi, ljudi
koje nikada više nećete videti,
koje nikada više nećete videti,
07:06
making them a very easy target
for your wrath.
for your wrath.
157
414950
3135
što ih čini lakom metom vašeg gneva.
07:10
(Laughter)
158
418109
1778
(Smeh)
07:11
So you're driving somewhere,
thus teed up to be angry,
thus teed up to be angry,
159
419911
3696
Dakle, vozite se negde,
prema tome, spremni ste da pobesnite,
prema tome, spremni ste da pobesnite,
07:15
and the person in front of you
is driving well below the speed limit.
is driving well below the speed limit.
160
423631
3724
a osoba ispred vas vozi
dosta ispod dozvoljene brzine.
dosta ispod dozvoljene brzine.
07:20
And it's frustrating
161
428118
1223
A to je frustrirajuće
07:21
because you can't really see
why they're driving so slow.
why they're driving so slow.
162
429365
2951
jer ne vidite zašto u stvari
vozi tako sporo.
vozi tako sporo.
07:24
That's primary appraisal.
163
432340
1318
To je primarna procena.
07:25
You've looked at this and you've said
it's bad and it's blameworthy.
it's bad and it's blameworthy.
164
433682
3260
Sagledali ste ovo i rekli da je loše
i da treba nekog okriviti.
i da treba nekog okriviti.
07:28
But maybe you also decide
it's not that big a deal.
it's not that big a deal.
165
436966
2601
Ali možda odlučite da i nije tako strašno.
07:31
You're not in a hurry, doesn't matter.
166
439591
2293
Ne žurite, nije važno.
07:33
That's secondary appraisal --
you don't get angry.
you don't get angry.
167
441908
2452
To je sekundarna procena - ne ljutite se.
07:37
But now imagine you're on your way
to a job interview.
to a job interview.
168
445218
3856
A sada zamislite da ste na putu
za intervju za posao.
za intervju za posao.
07:41
What that person is doing,
it hasn't changed, right?
it hasn't changed, right?
169
449720
2484
To što ta osoba radi
se nije promenilo, zar ne?
se nije promenilo, zar ne?
07:44
So primary appraisal doesn't change;
still bad, still blameworthy.
still bad, still blameworthy.
170
452228
3565
Tako da se primarna procena ne menja;
i dalje je loše, i treba nekog okriviti.
i dalje je loše, i treba nekog okriviti.
07:48
But your ability
to cope with it sure does.
to cope with it sure does.
171
456315
2841
Ali se vaša sposobnost
da se s tim nosite sigurno menja.
da se s tim nosite sigurno menja.
07:51
Because all of a sudden,
172
459180
1389
Jer odjednom,
07:52
you're going to be late
to that job interview.
to that job interview.
173
460593
2167
zakasnićete na taj intervju za posao.
Odjednom,
07:54
All of a sudden,
174
462784
1151
nećete dobiti vaš posao iz snova,
07:55
you are not going to get your dream job,
175
463959
1910
onaj koji će vam obezbediti
gomile i gomile novca.
gomile i gomile novca.
07:57
the one that was going to give you
piles and piles of money.
piles and piles of money.
176
465893
2953
08:00
(Laughter)
177
468870
1001
(Smeh)
08:01
Somebody else is going to get
your dream job
your dream job
178
469895
2333
Neko drugi će dobiti vaš posao iz snova
08:04
and you're going to be broke.
179
472252
1650
i bićete švorc.
08:05
You're going to be destitute.
180
473926
1429
Bićete siromašni.
08:07
Might as well stop now, turn around,
move in with your parents.
move in with your parents.
181
475680
2953
Možete da odmah stanete,
okrenete se, vratite se kod roditelja.
okrenete se, vratite se kod roditelja.
08:10
(Laughter)
182
478657
2158
(Smeh)
08:12
Why?
183
480839
1164
Zašto?
08:14
"Because of this person in front of me.
184
482027
1874
„Zbog ove osobe ispred mene.
To nije osoba, već čudovište.“
08:15
This is not a person, this is a monster."
185
483925
1993
08:17
(Laughter)
186
485942
1000
(Smeh)
08:18
And this monster is here
just to ruin your life.
just to ruin your life.
187
486966
3514
I ono je tu samo da vam upropasti život.
08:22
(Laughter)
188
490504
1390
(Smeh)
08:23
Now that thought process,
189
491918
1849
Taj način razmišljanja
08:25
it's called catastrophizing,
the one where we make the worst of things.
the one where we make the worst of things.
190
493791
4706
zove se katastrofiziranje,
kada od muve pravimo slona.
kada od muve pravimo slona.
08:30
And it's one of the primary
types of thoughts that we know
types of thoughts that we know
191
498521
2731
I to je jedna od primarnih
vrsta misli za koje znamo
vrsta misli za koje znamo
da su povezane sa hroničnim besom.
08:33
is associated with chronic anger.
192
501276
1665
08:34
But there's a couple of others.
193
502965
2072
Ali ima i par drugih.
08:37
Misattributing causation.
194
505061
1564
Pogrešna interpretacija uzroka.
08:38
Angry people tend to put blame
where it doesn't belong.
where it doesn't belong.
195
506649
2777
Besni ljudi često okrivljuju
ono što ne treba.
ono što ne treba.
08:41
Not just on people,
196
509450
1882
Ne samo ljude,
08:43
but actually inanimate objects as well.
197
511356
1888
već i nežive objekte.
A ako mislite da to zvuči smešno,
08:45
And if you think that sound ridiculous,
198
513268
1889
setite se kada ste poslednji put
izgubili ključeve od auta i rekli:
izgubili ključeve od auta i rekli:
08:47
think about the last time
you lost your car keys and you said,
you lost your car keys and you said,
199
515181
2929
„Gde li su se izgubili?“
08:50
"Where did those car keys go?"
200
518134
1451
08:51
Because you know
they ran off on their own.
they ran off on their own.
201
519609
2024
Jer znate da su sami pobegli.
08:53
(Laughter)
202
521657
2910
(Smeh)
08:56
They tend to overgeneralize,
they use words like "always,"
they use words like "always,"
203
524591
2865
Oni uglavnom generalizuju,
koristeći reči kao što su „uvek“,
koristeći reči kao što su „uvek“,
08:59
"never," "every,"
"this always happens to me,"
"this always happens to me,"
204
527480
2666
„nikad“, „svaki“,
„ovo se uvek meni dešava,“
„ovo se uvek meni dešava,“
09:02
"I never get what I want"
205
530170
1381
„nikad ne dobijem ono što želim“
09:03
or "I hit every stoplight
on the way here today."
on the way here today."
206
531575
2690
ili: „Danas sam na putu ovamo
nailazio samo na crvena svetla.“
nailazio samo na crvena svetla.“
09:06
Demandingness: they put their own needs
ahead of the needs of others:
ahead of the needs of others:
207
534879
3270
Zahtevnost: stavljaju sopstvene potrebe
ispred potreba drugih.
ispred potreba drugih.
09:10
"I don't care why this person
is driving so slow,
is driving so slow,
208
538173
2301
„Ne zanima me zašto vozi tako sporo,
mora da ubrza ili da se skloni
kako bih mogao da stignem na intervju.“
kako bih mogao da stignem na intervju.“
09:12
they need to speed up or move over
so I can get to this job interview."
so I can get to this job interview."
209
540498
3903
09:16
And finally, inflammatory labeling.
210
544425
2291
I konačno, razdražljivo etiketiranje.
09:19
They call people fools, idiots, monsters,
211
547275
2872
Zovu ljude budalama,
idiotima, čudovištima,
idiotima, čudovištima,
09:22
or a whole bunch of things
I've been told I'm not allowed to say
I've been told I'm not allowed to say
212
550171
3048
ili gomilom stvari koje su mi zabranili
da izgovorim tokom ovog TED govora.
da izgovorim tokom ovog TED govora.
09:25
during this TED Talk.
213
553243
1167
(Smeh)
09:26
(Laughter)
214
554434
1421
09:27
So for a long time,
215
555879
1270
Dugo su psiholozi ovo nazivali
09:29
psychologists have referred to these
as cognitive distortions
as cognitive distortions
216
557173
3456
kognitivnim distorzijama
09:32
or even irrational beliefs.
217
560653
1554
ili čak iracionalnim verovanjima.
09:34
And yeah, sometimes they are irrational.
218
562231
2459
I da, ponekad jesu iracionalni.
09:37
Maybe even most of the time.
219
565462
1722
Možda čak i uglavnom.
09:39
But sometimes, these thoughts
are totally rational.
are totally rational.
220
567208
2682
Ali ponekad, ove misli
su potpuno racionalne.
su potpuno racionalne.
09:42
There is unfairness in the world.
221
570649
1730
Ima toliko nepravde na svetu.
09:44
There are cruel, selfish people,
222
572403
1712
Ima okrutnih, sebičnih ljudi,
09:46
and it's not only OK to be angry
when we're treated poorly,
when we're treated poorly,
223
574139
3858
i ne samo da je okej da se ljutimo
kada nas ne tretiraju kako treba,
kada nas ne tretiraju kako treba,
09:50
it's right to be angry
when we're treated poorly.
when we're treated poorly.
224
578021
3219
već je to ispravno.
09:53
If there's one thing I want you
to remember from my talk today, it's this:
to remember from my talk today, it's this:
225
581846
4001
Ako postoji jedna stvar koju želim
da zapamtite iz mog govora, to je ova:
da zapamtite iz mog govora, to je ova:
09:57
your anger exists in you as an emotion
226
585871
3746
vaš bes postoji u vama kao emocija
10:01
because it offered your ancestors,
both human and nonhuman,
both human and nonhuman,
227
589641
4658
jer je pružio vašim precima,
ljudskim i neljudskim,
ljudskim i neljudskim,
10:06
with an evolutionary advantage.
228
594323
2067
evolucijsku prednost.
10:08
Just as your fear alerts you to danger,
229
596857
3085
Kao što vas strah upozorava na opasnost,
10:11
your anger alerts you to injustice.
230
599966
2156
bes vas upozorava na nepravdu.
10:14
It's one of the ways your brain
communicates to you
communicates to you
231
602146
2558
To je jedan od načina
na koje vam vaš mozak govori
na koje vam vaš mozak govori
da vam je dosta.
10:16
that you have had enough.
232
604728
1667
10:19
What's more, it energizes you
to confront that injustice.
to confront that injustice.
233
607022
3394
Štaviše, daje vam snagu
da se suprotstavite nepravdi.
da se suprotstavite nepravdi.
Setite se na sekund
kada ste se poslednji put razbesneli.
kada ste se poslednji put razbesneli.
10:22
Think for a second
about the last time you got mad.
about the last time you got mad.
234
610440
3206
10:25
Your heart rate increased.
235
613670
1738
Otkucaji srca su se ubrzali.
Disanje se ubrzalo,
počeli ste da se znojite.
počeli ste da se znojite.
10:27
Your breathing increased,
you started to sweat.
you started to sweat.
236
615432
2301
To je vaš simpatički nervni sistem,
10:30
That's your sympathetic nervous system,
237
618297
1864
inače poznat i kao sistem
„bori se ili beži“,
„bori se ili beži“,
10:32
otherwise known
as your fight-or-flight system,
as your fight-or-flight system,
238
620185
3178
koji uskače da vam pruži
energiju neophodnu da reagujete.
energiju neophodnu da reagujete.
10:35
kicking in to offer you
the energy you need to respond.
the energy you need to respond.
239
623387
3587
10:39
And that's just the stuff you noticed.
240
627758
1826
A to je samo ono što primećujete.
U isto vreme, vaš digestivni sistem
je usporio kako biste sačuvali energiju.
je usporio kako biste sačuvali energiju.
10:41
At the same time, your digestive system
slowed down so you could conserve energy.
slowed down so you could conserve energy.
241
629608
4491
Zato su vam se usta osušila.
10:46
That's why your mouth went dry.
242
634123
1874
A krvni sudovi su se proširili
kako bi sproveli krv do ekstremiteta.
kako bi sproveli krv do ekstremiteta.
10:48
And your blood vessels dilated
to get blood to your extremities.
to get blood to your extremities.
243
636021
4044
10:52
That's why your face went red.
244
640089
1453
Zato vam je lice pocrvenelo.
Sve je to deo kompleksnog šablona
fizioloških iskustava
fizioloških iskustava
10:53
It's all part of this complex pattern
of physiological experiences
of physiological experiences
245
641566
3539
10:57
that exist today
246
645129
1238
koja danas postoje
10:58
because they helped your ancestors
247
646391
2758
jer su pomogla vašim precima
da se nose sa surovim
i neumitnim silama prirode.
i neumitnim silama prirode.
11:01
deal with cruel and unforgiving
forces of nature.
forces of nature.
248
649173
3333
11:04
And the problem is that the thing
your ancestors did
your ancestors did
249
652976
3231
Problem je što
ono što su vaši preci radili
ono što su vaši preci radili
11:08
to deal with their anger,
250
656231
1273
kako bi se nosili sa besom,
11:09
to physically fight,
251
657528
1328
fizički se borili,
nije više opravdano ili prikladno.
11:10
they are no longer reasonable
or appropriate.
or appropriate.
252
658880
2157
Ne možete i ne bi trebalo
da zamahnete palicom
da zamahnete palicom
11:13
You can't and you shouldn't swing a club
every time you're provoked.
every time you're provoked.
253
661061
3779
svaki put kad vas isprovociraju.
11:16
(Laughter)
254
664864
2840
(Smeh)
11:19
But here's the good news.
255
667728
1738
Ali evo dobrih vesti.
11:21
You are capable of something
256
669490
1424
Vi imate sposobnost
koju vaši neljudski preci nisu imali.
11:22
your nonhuman ancestors
weren't capable of.
weren't capable of.
257
670938
2457
11:25
And that is the capacity
to regulate your emotions.
to regulate your emotions.
258
673419
3358
A to je mogućnost
da regulišete svoje emocije.
da regulišete svoje emocije.
Čak i kada želite da napadnete,
11:29
Even when you want to lash out,
259
677174
1794
11:30
you can stop yourself
and you can channel that anger
and you can channel that anger
260
678992
2682
možete se zaustaviti i preusmeriti taj bes
na nešto produktivnije.
11:33
into something more productive.
261
681698
2067
Često kada pričamo o besu,
11:36
So often when we talk about anger,
262
684119
1799
11:37
we talk about how to keep
from getting angry.
from getting angry.
263
685942
2667
pričamo o tome kako ga sprečiti.
Govorimo ljudima da se smire ili opuste.
11:40
We tell people to calm down or relax.
264
688633
2531
Čak im govorimo i da zaborave.
11:43
We even tell people to let it go.
265
691188
2278
Sve to implicira da je bes loš
i da je pogrešno osećati ga.
i da je pogrešno osećati ga.
11:45
And all of that assumes that anger is bad
and that it's wrong to feel it.
and that it's wrong to feel it.
266
693490
4849
11:50
But instead, I like to think
of anger as a motivator.
of anger as a motivator.
267
698712
2821
Umesto toga, ja volim
da mislim o besu kao o motivatoru.
da mislim o besu kao o motivatoru.
Isto kao što vas žeđ motiviše
da uzmete čašu vode,
da uzmete čašu vode,
11:53
The same way your thirst
motivates you to get a drink of water,
motivates you to get a drink of water,
268
701557
3127
ili kao što vas glad motiviše
da uzmete par zalogaja,
da uzmete par zalogaja,
11:56
the same way your hunger
motivates you to get a bite to eat,
motivates you to get a bite to eat,
269
704708
2952
bes vas može motivisati
da reagujete na nepravdu.
da reagujete na nepravdu.
11:59
your anger can motivate you
to respond to injustice.
to respond to injustice.
270
707684
3499
12:03
Because we don't have to think too hard
to find things we should be mad about.
to find things we should be mad about.
271
711609
3936
Jer ne treba previše da razmišljamo
kako bismo našli razloge za bes.
kako bismo našli razloge za bes.
Kada se vratimo na početak,
12:08
When we go back to the beginning,
272
716085
1612
12:09
yeah, some of those things, they're silly
and not worth getting angry over.
and not worth getting angry over.
273
717721
3970
da, neke od tih stvari su blesave
i ne vredi se zbog njih ljutiti.
i ne vredi se zbog njih ljutiti.
12:13
But racism, sexism, bullying,
environmental destruction,
environmental destruction,
274
721715
3207
Ali rasizam, seksizam, nasilje,
uništenje prirodne sredine,
uništenje prirodne sredine,
12:16
those things are real,
those things are terrible,
those things are terrible,
275
724946
2302
to su stvarne stvari, strašne stvari,
i jedini način da ih popravite
je da se prvo razbesnite
je da se prvo razbesnite
12:19
and the only way to fix them
is to get mad first
is to get mad first
276
727272
3226
12:22
and then channel that anger
into fighting back.
into fighting back.
277
730522
3063
i onda preusmerite taj bes na odbranu.
12:26
And you don't have to fight back
with aggression or hostility or violence.
with aggression or hostility or violence.
278
734053
4230
I ne morate da se branite agresijom,
neprijateljstvom ili nasiljem.
neprijateljstvom ili nasiljem.
12:30
There are infinite ways
that you can express your anger.
that you can express your anger.
279
738307
3127
Postoji bezbroj načina
na koje možete izraziti svoj bes.
na koje možete izraziti svoj bes.
Možete da protestujete,
da pišete pisma uredniku,
da pišete pisma uredniku,
12:33
You can protest,
you can write letters to the editor,
you can write letters to the editor,
280
741458
2921
12:36
you can donate to
and volunteer for causes,
and volunteer for causes,
281
744403
2543
možete da donirate ili volontirate,
12:38
you can create art,
you can create literature,
you can create literature,
282
746970
2769
da stvarate umetnička dela,
književna dela,
književna dela,
da stvarate poeziju i muziku,
12:41
you can create poetry and music,
283
749763
1961
možete da stvorite zajednicu
koja brine o drugima
koja brine o drugima
12:43
you can create a community
that cares for one another
that cares for one another
284
751748
2499
i ne dozvoljava
da se te strahote dešavaju.
da se te strahote dešavaju.
12:46
and does not allow
those atrocities to happen.
those atrocities to happen.
285
754271
2213
Sledeći put kada osetite
da ćete se razbesneti,
da ćete se razbesneti,
12:49
So the next time
you feel yourself getting angry,
you feel yourself getting angry,
286
757331
2881
umesto da to potisnete,
12:52
instead of trying to turn it off,
287
760236
2000
12:54
I hope you'll listen
to what that anger is telling you.
to what that anger is telling you.
288
762260
2645
nadam se da ćete poslušati
šta vam taj bes govori.
šta vam taj bes govori.
12:56
And then I hope you'll channel it
into something positive and productive.
into something positive and productive.
289
764929
3531
I nadam se da ćete ga preusmeriti
na nešto pozitivno i produktivno.
na nešto pozitivno i produktivno.
Hvala vam.
13:00
Thank you.
290
768785
1151
13:01
(Applause)
291
769960
3500
(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Ryan Martin - PsychologistDr. Ryan Martin is the chair of the psychology department at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay.
Why you should listen
Dr. Ryan Martin teaches courses on mental illness and emotion, including a course on anger. He researches and writes on healthy and unhealthy expressions of anger. His website, All the Rage, covers recent research on anger and provides anger management tips on how to handle anger most effectively. He also hosts the popular psychology podcast, Psychology and Stuff.
Martin was trained as a counseling psychologist at the University of Southern Mississippi, where he first started studying anger after earning his undergraduate degree in psychology with a minor in criminal justice from the University of St. Thomas. He has worked with clients -- angry and otherwis -- in a variety of settings including community mental health centers, college counseling centers and a VA Hospital.
Martin is a professor of psychology and an associate dean for the College of Arts, Humanities, and Social Sciences at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay. His work has been featured in the New York Times, NPR's Invisibilia podcast, BBC Radio's Digital Human and elsewhere. When he's not thinking about feelings, he runs and spends time with his family.
Ryan Martin | Speaker | TED.com