TEDMED 2018
Thomas Curran: Our dangerous obsession with perfectionism is getting worse
托马斯·柯伦: 我们对完美主义的危险痴迷越来越严重
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社会心理学家托马斯·柯伦(Thomas Curran)探究了追求完美的压力是如何导致心理疾病的频发，尤其是在年轻人当中。通过这个演讲一起来了解更多关于这种现象的原因，以及我们应该如何去创造一种颂扬不完美的快乐文化。
Thomas Curran - Social and personality psychologist
Thomas Curran studies the personality characteristic of perfectionism, how it develops and its impact on mental health. Full bio
Thomas Curran studies the personality characteristic of perfectionism, how it develops and its impact on mental health. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I'm a bit of a perfectionist.
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我是个完美主义者。
你们听过这话多少次了呢？
00:16
Now, how many times
have you heard that one?
have you heard that one?
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00:19
Over drinks, maybe, with friends,
or perhaps with family at Thanksgiving.
or perhaps with family at Thanksgiving.
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也许是在和朋友一起喝酒时，
也许是和家人一起过感恩节时。
也许是和家人一起过感恩节时。
00:25
It's everyone's favorite flaw,
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这是人人钟爱的小缺点，
在求职面试中，人们现在对于
最后一个，也是最难的问题，
最后一个，也是最难的问题，
00:27
it's that now quite common response
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往往有共同的回应：
00:31
to the difficult, final question
at job interviews:
at job interviews:
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00:36
"My biggest weakness?
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“我最大的缺点是？
00:38
That's my perfectionism."
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我是完美主义者。”
00:41
You see, for something
that supposedly holds us back,
that supposedly holds us back,
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像这样会阻碍我们进步的东西，
很明显，有如此多的人
非常乐意举起手
非常乐意举起手
00:45
it's quite remarkable how many of us
are quite happy to hold our hands up
are quite happy to hold our hands up
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承认我们是完美主义者。
00:48
and say we're perfectionists.
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00:51
But there's an interesting
and serious point
and serious point
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但一个有趣和严肃的观点是，
00:55
because our begrudging admiration
for perfection is so pervasive
for perfection is so pervasive
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因为我们对完美的艳羡是如此普遍，
以致我们从没真正停下来
质疑这个观点本身。
质疑这个观点本身。
01:02
that we never really stop to question
that concept in its own terms.
that concept in its own terms.
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我们和我们的社会存在
01:06
What does it say about us and our society
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颂扬完美的现象说明了什么？
01:10
that there is a kind
of celebration in perfection?
of celebration in perfection?
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我们倾向于把完美主义作为价值的象征，
01:14
We tend to hold perfectionism up
as an insignia of worth.
as an insignia of worth.
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01:21
The emblem of the successful.
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成功的象征。
01:25
Yet, in my time studying perfectionism,
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然而，在我研究完美主义的过程中，
我很少看到有证据表明，
完美主义者会更加成功。
完美主义者会更加成功。
01:27
I've seen limited evidence
that perfectionists are more successful.
that perfectionists are more successful.
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恰恰相反——
01:31
Quite the contrary --
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他们感到失落和不满，
01:33
they feel discontented and dissatisfied
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处于一种挥之不去的不完美感觉之中。
01:36
amid a lingering sense
that they're never quite perfect enough.
that they're never quite perfect enough.
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我们从临床病例报告中得知，
01:40
We know from clinician case reports
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完美主义掩盖了许多心理上的问题，
01:42
that perfectionism conceals
a host of psychological difficulties,
a host of psychological difficulties,
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包括抑郁，焦虑，厌食症，暴食症
01:45
including things like depression,
anxiety, anorexia, bulimia
anxiety, anorexia, bulimia
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甚至是自杀的想法。
01:49
and even suicide ideation.
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更让人担忧的是在过去25年中，
01:52
And what's more worrying
is that over the last 25 years,
is that over the last 25 years,
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我们看到完美主义出现的频率
以惊人的速度上升。
以惊人的速度上升。
01:56
we have seen perfectionism rise
at an alarming rate.
at an alarming rate.
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02:00
And at the same time,
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同时，
我们在年轻人中看到的
精神疾病病例比以往任何时候都多。
精神疾病病例比以往任何时候都多。
02:01
we have seen more mental illness
among young people than ever before.
among young people than ever before.
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仅是美国的自杀率
02:05
Rates of suicide in the US alone
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02:08
increased by 25 percent
across the last two decades.
across the last two decades.
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在过去20年间就上升了25%。
我们在加拿大和我的祖国英国
02:12
And we're beginning to see similar trends
emerge across Canada,
emerge across Canada,
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也看到了类似的趋势。
02:15
and in my home country,
the United Kingdom.
the United Kingdom.
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02:18
Now, our research is suggesting
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我们的研究显示
随着社会的发展，完美主义的
现象也层出不穷。
现象也层出不穷。
02:21
that perfectionism is rising
as society is changing.
as society is changing.
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社会的变化反映了个人认同感的变化，
02:25
And a changed society reflects
a changed sense of personal identity
a changed sense of personal identity
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同时，也带来了年轻人
之间，以及他们与周围环境
之间，以及他们与周围环境
02:30
and, with it, differences in the way
in which young people interact
in which young people interact
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互动方式的差异。
02:34
with each other and the world around them.
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02:36
And there are some unique characteristics
about our preeminent, market-based society
about our preeminent, market-based society
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我们这个卓越的、以市场为基础的
社会有一些独特的特征，
社会有一些独特的特征，
包括不受限制的选择
02:42
that include things
like unrestricted choice
like unrestricted choice
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02:44
and personal freedom,
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和个人自由，
02:46
and these are characteristics
that we feel are contributing
that we feel are contributing
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我们认为这些特征导致了
这个问题的流行程度。
02:49
to almost epidemic levels of this problem.
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02:53
So let me give you an example.
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让我给你们举个例子。
02:56
Young people today are more preoccupied
with the attainment of the perfect life
with the attainment of the perfect life
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今天的年轻人更专注于
追求完美的生活
追求完美的生活
和生活方式，
03:00
and lifestyle.
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也就是个人形象，地位
和财富方面的影响力。
和财富方面的影响力。
03:01
In terms of their image,
status and wealth.
status and wealth.
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03:03
Data from Pew show that young people
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皮尤数据显示，出生于
80年代晚期的美国年轻人
03:08
born in the US in the late 1980s
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认为物质富裕是他们最重要的
03:12
are 20 percent more likely
to report being materially rich
to report being materially rich
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人生目标的人数比例
03:17
as among their most important life goals,
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比他们的父辈和祖辈高出了20%。
03:19
relative to their parents
and their grandparents.
and their grandparents.
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年轻人也比老一代人借贷更多，
03:22
Young people also borrow more heavily
than did older generations,
than did older generations,
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他们把收入的很大一部分花在形象商品
03:25
and they spend a much greater proportion
of their income on image goods
of their income on image goods
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和身份财产上。
03:30
and status possessions.
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03:31
These possessions,
their lives and their lifestyles
their lives and their lifestyles
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这些财产，他们的生活和生活方式
如今非常生动地展示在
无处不在的Instagram
无处不在的Instagram
03:36
are now displayed in vivid detail
on the ubiquitous social media platforms
on the ubiquitous social media platforms
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Facebook和SnapChat等社交媒体上。
03:40
of Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat.
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03:44
In this new visual culture,
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在这个新的视觉文化中，
完美的外表远比现实重要。
03:47
the appearance of perfection
is far more important than the reality.
is far more important than the reality.
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03:54
If one side of the modern landscape
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如果我们为年轻人提供的
现代景观的一面是如此的奢华，
03:57
that we have so lavishly
furnished for young people
furnished for young people
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即有一种完美的生活，
04:00
is this idea that there's
a perfectible life
a perfectible life
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有一种完美的生活方式，
04:02
and that there's a perfectible lifestyle,
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那么另一面就肯定是工作。
04:04
then the other is surely work.
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对于那些迫切需要它的人来说，
没有什么是遥不可及的。
没有什么是遥不可及的。
04:06
Nothing is out of reach
for those who want it badly enough.
for those who want it badly enough.
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至少人们是这样告诉我们的。
04:10
Or so we're told.
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04:11
This is the idea at the heart
of the American dream.
of the American dream.
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这是美国梦的核心思想。
04:15
Opportunity, meritocracy,
the self-made person, hard work.
the self-made person, hard work.
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机遇、任人唯贤、自力更生、努力工作。
04:20
The notion that hard work always pays off.
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天道酬勤的观念。
最重要的是我们对自己命运的主宰。
04:23
And above all, the idea
that we're captains of our own destiny.
that we're captains of our own destiny.
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04:27
These ideas, they connect
our wealth, our status
our wealth, our status
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这些观念将我们的财富、地位
04:30
and our image with our innate,
personal value.
personal value.
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和形象与我们与生俱来的
个人价值联系起来。
个人价值联系起来。
04:35
But it is, of course, complete fiction.
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当然，这完全是梦幻泡影。
因为即便有平等的机会，
04:37
Because even if there were
equality of opportunity,
equality of opportunity,
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我们有主宰自己命运的想法
04:40
the idea that we are captains
of our own destiny
of our own destiny
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仍然为年轻人掩盖了
一个更为黑暗的事实，
一个更为黑暗的事实，
04:43
disguises a much darker
reality for young people
reality for young people
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04:46
that they are subject to an almost
ongoing economic tribunal.
ongoing economic tribunal.
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那就是他们受制于一个
几乎正在进行的经济评判。
几乎正在进行的经济评判。
04:49
Metrics, rankings, lead tables
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指标、排名、排名表
04:52
have emerged as the yardsticks
for which merit can be quantified
for which merit can be quantified
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已经成为衡量学生成绩的标准，
并被用来将年轻人在校园中划分等级。
04:55
and used to sort young people
into schools, classes and colleges.
into schools, classes and colleges.
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05:01
Education is the first arena
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教育是第一竞技场，
在那里测验是如此的公开，
05:03
where measurement
is so publicly played out
is so publicly played out
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05:06
and where metrics are being used
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度量指标被用来
当作工具去提升标准和表现。
05:08
as a tool to improve standards
and performance.
and performance.
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05:12
And it starts young.
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人们小小年纪就要经历这样一个过程。
05:14
Young people in America's
big city high schools
big city high schools
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在美国大城市的高中生，
从学前班到12年级结束，总共要参加
05:17
take some 112 mandatory standardized tests
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112次强制性标准化考试。
05:22
between prekindergarten
and the end of 12th grade.
and the end of 12th grade.
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05:26
No wonder young people report
a strong need to strive,
a strong need to strive,
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难怪年轻人报告说，在现代生活的中心
有一种强烈的奋斗、表现和成就的需要。
05:28
perform and achieve
at the center of modern life.
at the center of modern life.
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他们习惯于用严格而狭隘的
05:31
They've been conditioned
to define themselves
to define themselves
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05:34
in the strict and narrow terms
of grades, percentiles and lead tables.
of grades, percentiles and lead tables.
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分数、百分位数和排名表来定义自己。
05:42
This is a society that preys
on their insecurities.
on their insecurities.
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这是一个以他们的
不安全感为食的社会。
不安全感为食的社会。
他们对自己的表现以及自己
05:46
Insecurities about
how they are performing
how they are performing
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在别人眼中的形象缺乏安全感。
05:48
and how they are appearing
to other people.
to other people.
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这是一个放大他们不完美的社会。
05:50
This is a society that amplifies
their imperfections.
their imperfections.
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05:54
Every flaw, every unforeseen setback
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每一个缺点，每一个意想不到的挫折，
都增加了下一次要表现
更完美的需要，否则，
更完美的需要，否则，
05:57
increases a need to perform
more perfectly next time, or else,
more perfectly next time, or else,
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坦率地说，你就是一个失败者。
06:02
bluntly, you're a failure.
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06:05
That feeling of being flawed and deficient
is especially pervasive --
is especially pervasive --
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这种缺陷和不足的感受尤其明显——
只需要跟年轻人聊聊就知道。
06:08
just talk to young people.
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“我该怎么看，我该怎么做？”
06:10
"How should I look, how should I behave?"
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“我应该像那个模特，
06:12
"I should look like that model,
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我的粉丝应该像那个Instagram
上的意见领袖一样多，
上的意见领袖一样多，
06:14
I should have as many followers
as that Instagram influencer,
as that Instagram influencer,
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我必须在学校做得更好。”
06:17
I must do better in school."
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06:20
In my role as mentor to many young people,
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在为很多年轻人做导师的角色中，
我亲眼看到了完美主义
这些活生生的影响。
这些活生生的影响。
06:24
I see these lived effects
of perfectionism firsthand.
of perfectionism firsthand.
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06:28
And one student sticks out
in my mind very vividly.
in my mind very vividly.
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有一个学生我仍然记忆犹新。
06:32
John, not his real name, was ambitious,
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约翰（不是真名）是个雄心勃勃，
勤奋好学的人，
06:36
hardworking and diligent
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06:37
and on the surface,
he was exceptionally high-achieving,
he was exceptionally high-achieving,
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并且从表面上看，他有非常高的成就，
常常成绩排名第一。
06:40
often getting first-class
grades for his work.
grades for his work.
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然而，不管约翰取得了多大的成绩，
06:43
Yet, no matter how well John achieved,
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他似乎总是把自己的
成就视为可悲的失败，
成就视为可悲的失败，
06:47
he always seemed to recast
his successes as abject failures,
his successes as abject failures,
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06:50
and in meetings with me,
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在与我交谈时，
他会公开谈论他是如何
令自己和他人失望的。
令自己和他人失望的。
06:51
he would talk openly about
how he'd let himself and others down.
how he'd let himself and others down.
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约翰的理由很简单：
06:55
John's justification was quite simple:
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他比别人努力那么多，
06:57
How could he be a success
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却只获得同样的成绩，
07:00
when he was trying so much harder
than other people
than other people
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这怎么能叫成功呢？
07:02
just to attain the same outcomes?
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这就是约翰的完美主义，他坚持不懈的
07:04
See, John's perfectionism,
his unrelenting work ethic,
his unrelenting work ethic,
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工作理念只是在向自己和他人
07:09
was only serving to expose
what he saw as his inner weakness
what he saw as his inner weakness
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暴露他内心的弱点。
07:13
to himself and to others.
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07:16
Cases like John's speak
to the harmfulness of perfectionism
to the harmfulness of perfectionism
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像约翰这样的例子说明了完美主义
作为一种生存方式的危害性。
07:19
as a way of being in the world.
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与普遍的看法恰恰相反，
07:21
Contrary to popular belief,
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完美主义从来不是关于
完善事物或完成任务。
完善事物或完成任务。
07:23
perfectionism is never about
perfecting things or perfecting tasks.
perfecting things or perfecting tasks.
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这跟追求卓越无关。
07:27
It's not about striving for excellence.
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约翰的案例生动地说明了这一点。
07:30
John's case highlights this vividly.
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07:32
At its root, perfectionism
is about perfecting the self.
is about perfecting the self.
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根源上讲，完美主义在于完善自我。
07:37
Or, more precisely,
perfecting an imperfect self.
perfecting an imperfect self.
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或者，更准确地说，
是完善不完美的自己。
是完善不完美的自己。
07:41
And you can think about it
like a mountain of achievement
like a mountain of achievement
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你可以把它想像成一座成就的大山，
完美主义让我们想象自己在扩张。
07:45
that perfectionism leads us
to imagine ourselves scaling.
to imagine ourselves scaling.
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07:48
And we think to ourselves,
"Once I've reached that summit,
"Once I've reached that summit,
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我们对自己说，“一旦我抵达巅峰，
那么人们就会认为我是
完美的，我是有价值的。”
完美的，我是有价值的。”
07:51
then people will see I'm not flawed,
and I'll be worth something."
and I'll be worth something."
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07:55
But what perfectionism doesn't tell us
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但完美主义不会告诉我的是，
一旦我们抵达那个巅峰，
07:57
is that soon after reaching that summit,
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07:59
we will be called down again to the fresh
lowlands of insecurity and shame,
lowlands of insecurity and shame,
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我们将再次被召唤到
不安全与耻辱的新低地，
不安全与耻辱的新低地，
只得再次攀登那个高峰。
08:03
just to try and scale that peak again.
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这就是自我挫败的循环。
08:06
This is the cycle of self-defeat.
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08:08
In the pursuit of unattainable perfection,
a perfectionist just cannot step off.
a perfectionist just cannot step off.
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在追求无法达到的完美时，
完美主义者就是走不出来。
完美主义者就是走不出来。
08:13
And it's why it's so difficult to treat.
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这就是为什么很难治疗。
08:16
Now, we've known for decades and decades
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尽管我们已经知道几十年了，
完美主义会导致一系列的心理问题，
08:18
that perfectionism contributes
to a host of psychological problems,
to a host of psychological problems,
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但从来没有一个好方法能衡量它。
08:21
but there was never
a good way to measure it.
a good way to measure it.
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08:24
That was until the late 1980s
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直到1980年代晚期，
当时有两个加拿大人，
保罗·休伊特和戈登·弗雷特，
保罗·休伊特和戈登·弗雷特，
08:25
when two Canadians,
Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett,
Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett,
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08:28
came along and developed
a self-report measure of perfectionism.
a self-report measure of perfectionism.
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发明了一种自我报告的
完美主义评估方法。
完美主义评估方法。
没错，各位，完美主义
是可以评估的，
是可以评估的，
08:32
So that's right, folks,
you can measure this,
you can measure this,
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08:35
and it essentially captures
three core elements of perfectionism.
three core elements of perfectionism.
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它本质上是抓住了
完美主义的三个核心要素。
完美主义的三个核心要素。
第一个是自我导向型的完美主义，
08:40
The first is self-oriented perfectionism,
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追求完美的非理性欲望：
08:42
the irrational desire to be perfect:
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“我要努力做到尽可能完美。”
08:45
"I strive to be as perfect as I can be."
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08:48
The second is socially
prescribed perfectionism,
prescribed perfectionism,
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第二种是社会定向型完美主义，
对社会环境对他们要求过高的感觉：
08:51
the sense that the social environment
is excessively demanding:
is excessively demanding:
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“我感到其他人对我要求太高了。”
08:55
"I feel that others
are too demanding of me."
are too demanding of me."
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08:57
And the third is
other-oriented perfectionism,
other-oriented perfectionism,
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第三种是其他导向型的完美主义，
把不切实际的标准强加于人：
09:00
the imposition of unrealistic
standards on other people:
standards on other people:
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“假如我让人做事情，
我期待结果是完美的。”
我期待结果是完美的。”
09:02
"If I ask somebody to do something,
I expect it to be done perfectly."
I expect it to be done perfectly."
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09:07
Now, research shows that all
three elements of perfectionism
three elements of perfectionism
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研究显示这三种完美主义要素
与精神健康受损相关，
09:09
associate with compromised mental health,
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包括高度抑郁，
09:11
including things
like heightened depression,
like heightened depression,
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高度焦虑和自杀意愿。
09:13
heightened anxiety and suicide ideation.
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但是，到目前为止，
完美主义最成问题的要素
完美主义最成问题的要素
09:15
But, by far, the most problematic
element of perfectionism
element of perfectionism
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是社会定向型的完美主义。
09:18
is socially prescribed perfectionism.
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那种对每个人都期待我完美的感觉。
09:20
That sense that everyone
expects me to be perfect.
expects me to be perfect.
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这种完美主义要素
09:24
This element of perfectionism
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与严重的精神疾病有很大的关系。
09:25
has a large correlation
with serious mental illness.
with serious mental illness.
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今天我把对完美的强调放在了首位，
09:28
And with today's emphasis on perfection
at the forefront of my mind,
at the forefront of my mind,
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我很好奇这些完美主义的
要素是否在改变。
要素是否在改变。
09:34
I was curious to see whether these
elements of perfectionism were changing.
elements of perfectionism were changing.
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迄今为止，这一领域的研究
主要集中在直系亲属关系方面，
主要集中在直系亲属关系方面，
09:37
To date, research in this area
is focused on immediate family relations,
is focused on immediate family relations,
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但我们想在更广泛的层面看这个问题。
09:41
but we wanted to look at it
at a broader level.
at a broader level.
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所以我们收集了自保罗和戈登
09:44
So we took all of the data
that had ever been collected
that had ever been collected
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提出完美主义测量方法以来的
27年里的所有数据，
27年里的所有数据，
09:47
in the 27 years since Paul and Gordon
developed that perfectionism measure,
developed that perfectionism measure,
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并且单独分析了大学生的数据。
09:52
and we isolated the data
in college students.
in college students.
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09:54
This turned out to be
more than 40,000 young people
more than 40,000 young people
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结果发现有超过4万位来自美国，
加拿大和英国大学的年轻人，
09:57
from American, Canadian
and British colleges,
and British colleges,
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有这么多数据在手，
我们开始观察是否存在趋势。
我们开始观察是否存在趋势。
09:59
and with so much data available,
we looked to see if there was a trend.
we looked to see if there was a trend.
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10:04
And in all, it took us
more than three years
more than three years
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我们总共花了三年多的时间
去收集，批量处理这些数据，
10:06
to collate all of this information,
crunch the numbers,
crunch the numbers,
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并撰写我们的报告。
10:09
and write our report.
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但这是值得的，因为我们的分析
揭开了一些让人警醒的事情。
揭开了一些让人警醒的事情。
10:10
But it was worth it because our analysis
uncovered something alarming.
uncovered something alarming.
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10:15
All three elements of perfectionism
have increased over time.
have increased over time.
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所有这三个完美主义要素
都在随着时间增长。
都在随着时间增长。
10:19
But socially prescribed perfectionism
saw the largest increase, and by far.
saw the largest increase, and by far.
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但目前看，社会定向型的
完美主义增长最快。
完美主义增长最快。
10:24
In 1989,
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在1989年，
只有9%的年轻人报告达到临床程度的
10:25
just nine percent of young people
report clinically relevant levels
report clinically relevant levels
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社会定向型完美主义。
10:29
of socially prescribed perfectionism.
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这些水平在临床人群中非常常见。
10:30
Those are levels that we might
typically see in clinical populations.
typically see in clinical populations.
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10:35
By 2017, that figure
had doubled to 18 percent.
had doubled to 18 percent.
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到2017年，这个数据翻倍到18%。
10:40
And by 2050, projections
based on the models that we tested
based on the models that we tested
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到2050年，基于我们测试的模型预估，
几乎3个年轻人中就有1个人
10:44
indicate that almost one
in three young people
in three young people
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会报告临床水平相关的
社会定向型完美主义。
社会定向型完美主义。
10:46
will report clinically relevant levels
of socially prescribed perfectionism.
of socially prescribed perfectionism.
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10:51
Remember, this is the element
of perfectionism
of perfectionism
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记住，这种要素的完美主义
跟严重的精神疾病有最大的相关性，
10:53
that has the largest correlation
with serious mental illness,
with serious mental illness,
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而且这是有原因的。
10:56
and that's for good reason.
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社会定向型完美主义者
感到一种无休止的
感到一种无休止的
10:58
Socially prescribed perfectionists
feel a unrelenting need
feel a unrelenting need
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满足其他人期望的需求。
11:01
to meet the expectations of other people.
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11:04
And even if they do meet
yesterday's expectation of perfection,
yesterday's expectation of perfection,
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即便他们达到了满足
昨天对完美的期望，
昨天对完美的期望，
他们也会把标准提到更高的程度，
11:08
they then raise the bar on themselves
to an even higher degree
to an even higher degree
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因为这些人相信他们做得越好，
11:12
because these folks believe
that the better they do,
that the better they do,
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他们就被期望做得越好。
11:15
the better that they're expected to do.
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11:18
This breeds a profound sense
of helplessness and, worse, hopelessness.
of helplessness and, worse, hopelessness.
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这孕育了深深的无助感，
甚至更糟糕，绝望感。
甚至更糟糕，绝望感。
11:24
But is there hope?
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还有希望吗？
当然存在希望。
11:26
Of course there's hope.
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完美主义能够，
也应该坚持特定的事情——
也应该坚持特定的事情——
11:27
Perfectionists can and should
hold on to certain things --
hold on to certain things --
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通常是聪明、有抱负、认真、勤奋。
11:30
they are typically bright, ambitious,
conscientious and hardworking.
conscientious and hardworking.
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11:35
And yes, treatment is complex.
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是的，治疗是复杂的。
11:38
But a little bit of self-compassion,
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但要有一点自我宽慰，
当事情不顺利的时候对自己宽容一点，
11:41
going easy on ourselves
when things don't go well,
when things don't go well,
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可以把这些品质更多地转化为
个人平静和成功。
个人平静和成功。
11:43
can turn those qualities
into greater personal peace and success.
into greater personal peace and success.
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我们作为护理人员也可以有所行动。
11:47
And then there's what
we can do as caregivers.
we can do as caregivers.
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11:50
Perfectionism develops
in our formative years,
in our formative years,
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完美主义是在我们性格
形成阶段形成的，
形成阶段形成的，
所以年轻人更容易受到伤害。
11:53
and so young people are more vulnerable.
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11:56
Parents can help their children
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当他们努力过但却失败时，
父母可以无条件的支持他们的孩子。
11:57
by supporting them unconditionally
when they've tried but failed.
when they've tried but failed.
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12:02
And Mom and Dad can resist
their understandable urge
their understandable urge
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在当今激烈竞争的社会中，父母们
12:04
in today's highly competitive society
to helicopter-parent,
to helicopter-parent,
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可以尽量避免成为
望子成龙的直升机父母，
望子成龙的直升机父母，
当父母把孩子的成败
12:09
as a lot of anxiety is communicated
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当作自己的事情时，
会给孩子带来很多焦虑。
会给孩子带来很多焦虑。
12:12
when parents take on their kids'
successes and failures as their own.
successes and failures as their own.
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12:16
But ultimately, our research
raises important questions
raises important questions
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但最终，我们的研究提出了
我们如何构建社会
12:19
about how we are structuring society
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12:22
and whether our society's heavy emphasis
on competition, evaluation and testing
on competition, evaluation and testing
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和我们的社会过度强调竞争，
评估和测试是否有利于年轻人
评估和测试是否有利于年轻人
12:26
is benefiting young people.
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这个重要的问题。
12:28
It's become commonplace
for public figures to say
for public figures to say
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公众人物常说，
面对这些前所未有的新压力，
12:31
that young people just need
a little bit more resilience
a little bit more resilience
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年轻人需要更强的适应力。
12:34
in the face of these new
and unprecedented pressures.
and unprecedented pressures.
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12:38
But I believe that is us
washing our hands of the core issue
washing our hands of the core issue
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但我认为，这恰恰表明了
我们在逃避核心问题，
我们在逃避核心问题，
12:43
because we have a shared responsibility
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因为我们首先有共同的责任
去创造一个年轻人
不需要感觉必须那么完美的
不需要感觉必须那么完美的
12:45
to create a society and a culture
in which young people need less perfection
in which young people need less perfection
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12:51
in the first place.
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社会和文化。
12:53
Let's not kid ourselves.
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别自欺欺人了。
创造这样一个世界对一代年轻人
12:54
Creating that kind of world
is an enormous challenge,
is an enormous challenge,
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来说是一个巨大的挑战，
12:56
and for a generation of young people
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他们生活在无时无刻不在的
12:58
that live their lives
in the 24/7 spotlight
in the 24/7 spotlight
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13:00
of metrics, lead tables and social media,
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指标，排名表和社交媒体的聚光灯下，
完美主义是不可避免的，
13:03
perfectionism is inevitable,
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只要他们在生活中缺乏
13:05
so long as they lack any purpose in life
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比他们的外表
13:07
greater than how they are appearing
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或在他人面前的表现更重要的目标。
13:09
or how they are performing
to other people.
to other people.
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他们能做什么呢？
13:11
What can they do about it?
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每次当他们从巅峰跌落，
13:12
Every time they are knocked down
from that mountaintop,
from that mountaintop,
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他们看不到其他选项，
只得努力再次攀登那个高峰。
只得努力再次攀登那个高峰。
13:15
they see no other option
but to try scaling that peak again.
but to try scaling that peak again.
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古希腊人知道，
13:19
The ancient Greeks knew
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在同一座山上上上下下
13:20
that this endless struggle
up and down the same mountain
up and down the same mountain
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不是通向幸福的道路。
13:24
is not the road to happiness.
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13:26
Their image of hell
was a man called Sisyphus,
was a man called Sisyphus,
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他们对地狱的想象是
一个叫西西弗斯的人，
一个叫西西弗斯的人，
注定要永远把同一块巨石推上山，
13:28
doomed for eternity to keep rolling
the same boulder up a hill,
the same boulder up a hill,
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只能眼睁睁看着它一次次滚下来，
并不得不重新再来。
并不得不重新再来。
13:32
only to see it roll back down
and have to start again.
and have to start again.
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13:36
So long as we teach young people
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只要我们教年轻人
在他们的生活中，没有什么比
这种无望的追求完美
这种无望的追求完美
13:38
that there is nothing more real
or meaningful in their lives
or meaningful in their lives
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更真实或更有意义的事情，
13:41
than this hopeless quest for perfection,
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而我们将使后代遭受同样的
13:43
then we are going to condemn
future generations
future generations
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徒劳和绝望。
13:45
to that same futility and despair.
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13:49
And so we're left with a question.
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那么我们还要面对一个问题。
13:52
When are we going to appreciate
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我们什么时候才能意识到
无限的完美本质上
13:53
that there is something
fundamentally inhuman
fundamentally inhuman
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是违反人性的？
13:57
about limitless perfection?
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14:00
No one is flawless.
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人无完人。
14:01
If we want to help our young people
escape the trap of perfectionism,
escape the trap of perfectionism,
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如果我们想要帮助我们的年轻人
逃出完美主义的陷阱，
逃出完美主义的陷阱，
那么就要告诉他们，
在这个混乱的世界中，
在这个混乱的世界中，
14:06
then we will teach them
that in a chaotic world,
that in a chaotic world,
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我们常常会遭遇挫折，但没关系。
14:10
life will often defeat us, but that's OK.
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14:13
Failure is not weakness.
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失败不是软弱。
14:16
If we want to help our young people
outgrow this self-defeating snare
outgrow this self-defeating snare
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如果我们想帮助我们的年轻人
摆脱这种不可能完美的
摆脱这种不可能完美的
14:19
of impossible perfection,
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自我挫败的陷阱，
14:21
then we will raise them in a society
that has outgrown that very same delusion.
that has outgrown that very same delusion.
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我们就需要在一个不再抱有
同样幻想的社会中抚养他们。
同样幻想的社会中抚养他们。
14:26
But most of all,
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但最重要的是，
如果我们想要年轻人
享受精神上，情感上
享受精神上，情感上
14:28
if we want our young people
to enjoy mental, emotional
to enjoy mental, emotional
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心理健康上的快乐，
14:32
and psychological health,
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1238
14:33
then we will invite them
to celebrate the joys
to celebrate the joys
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那么我们就要邀请他们去赞美和接纳
14:37
and the beauties of imperfection
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3862
去赞美和接纳不完美，
把它作为日常生活和关爱中
正常而自然的一部分。
正常而自然的一部分。
14:41
as a normal and natural part
of everyday living and loving.
of everyday living and loving.
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6130
14:48
Thank you very much.
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谢谢大家。
（鼓掌）
14:49
(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Thomas Curran - Social and personality psychologistThomas Curran studies the personality characteristic of perfectionism, how it develops and its impact on mental health.
Why you should listen
Social and personality psychologist Thomas Curran is a member of the Centre for Motivation and Health Behavior Change in Bath, UK; the Motivation, Personality, and Well-being research group in York, UK; and is currently an assistant professor in the Department for Health at the University of Bath. His research rose to prominence following a 2017 publication of the first systems-level cohort study to show that perfectionism is on the rise in American, Canadian and British college students. Since then, he has written and spoken extensively on how we have created societies perfectly calibrated to promote perfectionism, which is contributing to almost epidemic levels of serious mental illness among young people. Curran is the author of over 30 published papers and has received numerous awards for his scholarship and research.
Thomas Curran | Speaker | TED.com