TED Residency
Nikki Webber Allen: Don't suffer from your depression in silence
Nikki Webber Allen: Usitaabike na msongo wa mawazo katika ukimya.
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Kuwa na hisia si dalili ya udhaifu -- humaanisha kwamba sisi ni binadamu, anasema mtayarishaji vipindi na mwanaharakati Nikki Webber Allen. Hata baada ya kugundulika na ugonjwa wa msongo wa mawazo na hofu, alijisikia aibu kumwambia mtu yoyote, aliweka hali yake katika usiri mpaka pale msiba wa mtu wa karibu katika familia yake ulipotokea, kutokana na hali kama yake. Katika mjadala huu muhimu kuhusu afya ya akili, anaongelea wazi kuhusu hangaiko lake -- na kwanini jamii ya watu wasio wazungu ina ulazimu wa kuondokana na unyanyapaa ambao huepelekea watu kuwaza msongo wa mawazo ni udhaifu na kuwatenga walio na hangaiko hilo katika kupata msaada.
Nikki Webber Allen - Multimedia producer
Nikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color. Full bio
Nikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
What are you doing on this stage
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Unafanya nini katika jukwaa hili
00:17
in front of all these people?
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mbele ya watu wote hawa?
00:20
(Laughter)
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(Kicheko)
00:21
Run!
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Kimbia!
00:23
(Laughter)
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(Kicheko)
00:24
Run now.
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Kimbia sasa.
00:26
That's the voice of my anxiety talking.
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Hii ni sauti ya hofu yangu inaongea.
00:30
Even when there's absolutely
nothing wrong,
nothing wrong,
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Hata kama hakuna tatizo lolote,
00:33
I sometimes get
this overwhelming sense of doom,
this overwhelming sense of doom,
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Kuna wakati huwa napata hisia za mahangaiko,
00:37
like danger is lurking
just around the corner.
just around the corner.
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kama hatari inaninyemelea kwenye kona.
00:41
You see, a few years ago,
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Unaona, miaka michache iliyopita,
00:43
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety
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Niligundulika na ugonjwa wa msongo wa hofu
00:45
and depression --
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na mawazo --
00:47
two conditions that often go hand in hand.
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hali mbili ambazo huenda pamoja.
00:50
Now, there was a time
I wouldn't have told anybody,
I wouldn't have told anybody,
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Sasa, kuna wakati nisingemuambia mtu yoyote,
00:54
especially not in front of a big audience.
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hususani mbele ya umati mkubwa.
00:56
As a black woman,
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Kama mwanamke mwenye ngozi nyeusi,
00:58
I've had to develop
extraordinary resilience to succeed.
extraordinary resilience to succeed.
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Nimetakiwa kujijengea ustahimilivu wa hali ya juu ili kufanikiwa.
01:02
And like most people in my community,
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Na kama watu wengi katika jamii yangu,
01:04
I had the misconception that depression
was a sign of weakness,
was a sign of weakness,
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Nilikuwa na imani potofu kwamba msongo wa mawazo ni kiashiria cha udhaifu,
01:07
a character flaw.
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udhaifu wa tabia.
01:09
But I wasn't weak;
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Lakini sikuwa dhaifu;
01:11
I was a high achiever.
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Nilikuwa nimefanikiwa kwa hali ya juu.
01:12
I'd earned a Master's degree
in Media Studies
in Media Studies
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Nilipata Shahada ya Uzamili kwenye masomo ya vyombo vya habari
01:15
and had a string of high-profile jobs
in the film and television industries.
in the film and television industries.
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na kuwa na kazi za hadhi ya juu katika tasnia ya filamu na televisheni.
01:19
I'd even won two Emmy Awards
for my hard work.
for my hard work.
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Nimeshinda hata tuzo mbili za Emmy kwa uchapakazi kazi wangu.
01:23
Sure, I was totally spent,
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Hakika, Nilitumika sana,
01:26
I lacked interest in things
I used to enjoy,
I used to enjoy,
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Nilikosa hamu katika vitu nilivyozoea kuvifurahia,
01:29
barely ate,
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nilikula mara chache,
01:30
struggled with insomnia
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nilisumbuka kupata usingizi
01:32
and felt isolated and depleted.
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na nilijihisi kutengwa na kushuka thamani.
01:35
But depressed?
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Lakini kuwa na masononeko?
01:36
No, not me.
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Hapana, sio mimi.
01:39
It took weeks before I could admit it,
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Ilinichukua wiki kadhaa kabla ya kukubaliana na hali yangu,
01:42
but the doctor was right:
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lakini daktari alikuwa sahihi:
01:43
I was depressed.
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Nilikumbwa na msongo wa mawazo.
01:45
Still, I didn't tell anybody
about my diagnosis.
about my diagnosis.
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Bado, sikumwambia mtu yoyote kuhusu majibu ya uchunguzi.
01:49
I was too ashamed.
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Nilihisi aibu.
01:51
I didn't think I had the right
to be depressed.
to be depressed.
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Sikudhani nilipaswa kusongwa na mawazo.
01:54
I had a privileged life
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Nilikuwa na maisha yenye kipaumbele
01:56
with a loving family
and a successful career.
and a successful career.
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yenye familia iliyo na upendo na kazi iliyo na mafanikio.
01:59
And when I thought about
the unspeakable horrors
the unspeakable horrors
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Na nilipowaza kuhusu maafa yasiyofikirika
02:02
that my ancestors
had been through in this country
had been through in this country
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ambayo mababu zangu walipitia katika nchi hii
02:04
so that I could have it better,
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ili niwe na maisha bora,
02:06
my shame grew even deeper.
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aibu yangu iliongezeka zaidi.
02:08
I was standing on their shoulders.
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Nilikuwa nimesimama kwenye mabega yao.
02:11
How could I let them down?
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Ningewezaje kuwaangusha?
02:13
I would hold my head up,
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Nilinyanyua kichwa changu na kuangalia juu,
02:15
put a smile on my face
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na kuweka tabasamu katika uso wangu
02:17
and never tell a soul.
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na kutoiambia nafsi yoyote.
02:22
On July 4, 2013,
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Mnamo tarehe 4, Julai mwaka 2013,
02:26
my world came crashing in on me.
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dunia yangu ilipasuka ndani yangu.
02:29
That was the day I got
a phone call from my mom
a phone call from my mom
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Hiyo ilikuwa siku nilipokea simu kutoka kwa mama yangu
02:32
telling me that my 22-year-old nephew,
Paul, had ended his life,
Paul, had ended his life,
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akiniambia kwamba mpwa wangu mwenye miaka 22, Paul, amejiua,
02:36
after years of battling
depression and anxiety.
depression and anxiety.
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baada ya miaka kadhaa ya kupambana na msongo wa mawazo na hofu.
02:40
There are no words that can describe
the devastation I felt.
the devastation I felt.
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Hakuna maneno ambayo yanaweza kuelezea namna gani nilijisikia vibaya.
02:44
Paul and I were very close,
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Mimi na Paul tulikuwa karibu,
02:45
but I had no idea he was in so much pain.
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lakini sikutambua alikuwa akipitia maumivu makubwa.
02:48
Neither one of us had ever talked
to the other about our struggles.
to the other about our struggles.
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Hakuna yeyote kati yetu ambaye aliwahi kumwambia mwenzie kuhusu mahangaiko aliyokuwa akipitia.
02:52
The shame and stigma kept us both silent.
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Aibu na unyanyapaa ulitufanya wote kuwa kimya.
02:56
Now, my way of dealing with adversity
is to face it head on,
is to face it head on,
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Sasa, namna yangu ya kupambana na mikosi ni kuitazama bila uoga,
03:00
so I spent the next two years
researching depression and anxiety,
researching depression and anxiety,
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kwa hiyo nilitumia miaka miwili baadaye kufanyia utafiti msongo wa mawazo na hofu,
03:03
and what I found was mind-blowing.
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na niligundua jambo la kushangaza.
03:06
The World Health Organization reports
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Taasisi ya Afya Duniani imetoa ripoti ikisema
03:08
that depression is the leading cause
of sickness and disability
of sickness and disability
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kwamba msongo wa mawazo ni sababu kuu ya magonjwa na ulemavu
03:14
in the world.
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duniani.
03:16
While the exact cause
of depression isn't clear,
of depression isn't clear,
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Wakati sababu hasa ya msongo wa mawazo haijatambulika,
03:19
research suggests
that most mental disorders develop,
that most mental disorders develop,
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utafiti unaelezea kwamba magonjwa mengi ya akili hujitokeza,
03:22
at least in part,
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walau katika sehemu,
03:23
because of a chemical
imbalance in the brain,
imbalance in the brain,
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kwa sababu ya kutolingana kwa kemikali katika ubongo,
03:26
and/or an underlying
genetic predisposition.
genetic predisposition.
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na/au katika utengenezaji wa mwanzo wa jenetikia.
03:31
So you can't just shake it off.
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Kwa hiyo huwezi kuachana nayo tu.
03:34
For black Americans,
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Kwa Wamarekani weusi,
03:36
stressors like racism
and socioeconomic disparities
and socioeconomic disparities
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vileta msongo wa mawazo kama ubaguzi wa rangi na utofauti wa hali ya kiuchumi katika jamii
03:40
put them at a 20 percent greater risk
of developing a mental disorder,
of developing a mental disorder,
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huwaweka katika asilimia 20 zaidi ya kupata ugonjwa wa akili,
03:45
yet they seek mental health services
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na bado hutafuta huduma za afya ya akili
03:48
at about half the rate of white Americans.
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katika kiwango sawa na nusu ya Wamarekani weupe.
03:51
One reason is the stigma,
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Sababu moja ni unyanyapaa,
03:54
with 63 percent of black Americans
mistaking depression for a weakness.
mistaking depression for a weakness.
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ikiwa asilimia 63 ya Wamarekani weusi hukosea kwa kuwaza kwamba msongo wa mawazo ni udhaifu.
04:01
Sadly, the suicide rate
among black children
among black children
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Cha kusikitisha, kasi ya watoto weusi ambao hujiua
04:05
has doubled in the past 20 years.
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imeongezeka mara mbili katika miaka 20 iliyopita.
04:09
Now, here's the good news:
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Sasa, hii ni habari njema:
04:12
seventy percent of people
struggling with depression will improve
struggling with depression will improve
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asilimia 70 ya watu ambao wanasumbuka na msongo wa mawazo hali zao zitaboreka
04:16
with therapy, treatment and medication.
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kwa kupata tiba na dawa.
04:21
Armed with this information,
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Wakipewa taarifa,
04:23
I made a decision:
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Nimechukua uamuzi:
04:24
I wasn't going to be silent anymore.
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Sitakuwa kimya tena.
04:28
With my family's blessing,
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Na baraka za familia yangu,
04:30
I would share our story
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Nitasimulia hadithi yetu
04:32
in hopes of sparking
a national conversation.
a national conversation.
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katika matumaini ya kuleta mjadala wa kitaifa.
04:36
A friend, Kelly Pierre-Louis, said,
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Rafiki yangu, Kelly Pierre-Loius, alisema,
04:38
"Being strong is killing us."
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"Kuwa ngangari hutuua."
04:42
She's right.
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Alikuwa sahihi.
04:44
We have got to retire
those tired, old narratives
those tired, old narratives
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Tunabidi kuondokana na hizo imani ziilizopitwa na wakati
04:48
of the strong black woman
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kuhusu mwanamke mweusi jasiri
04:49
and the super-masculine black man,
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na mwanaume mweusi kuwa mwanaume hasa,
04:52
who, no matter how many times
they get knocked down,
they get knocked down,
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ambaye, haijalishi mara ngapi wakidondoshwa,
04:54
just shake it off and soldier on.
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hujifuta na kisha husonga mbele.
04:57
Having feelings isn't a sign of weakness.
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Kuwa na hisia sio dalili ya udhaifu.
05:02
Feelings mean we're human.
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Hisia zinamaanisha kwamba sisi ni binadamu.
05:04
And when we deny our humanity,
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Na pale tunapoukana ubinadamu wetu,
05:06
it leaves us feeling empty inside,
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hutuacha wapweke ndani,
05:09
searching for ways to self-medicate
in order to fill the void.
in order to fill the void.
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tukitafuta njia za kujiponya ili kuepukana na upweke.
05:12
My drug was high achievement.
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Dawa yangu ilikuwa mafanikio makubwa.
05:16
These days, I share my story openly,
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Siku hizi, naweza kusimulia hadithi yangu wazi,
05:19
and I ask others to share theirs, too.
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na kuwauliza wengine kusimulia zao, pia.
05:22
I believe that's what it takes
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Naamini hicho ndicho kinachoweza
05:23
to help people who may
be suffering in silence
be suffering in silence
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kusaidia watu wanaohangaika katika ukimya
05:26
to know that they are not alone
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ili wajue kwamba hawapo peke yao
05:28
and to know that with help,
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na kujua kwamba kwa msaada,
05:30
they can heal.
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wanaweza kupona.
05:31
Now, I still have my struggles,
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Sasa, bado nina mahangaiko yangu,
05:33
particularly with the anxiety,
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hasa kutokana na hofu,
05:36
but I'm able to manage it
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lakini ninaweza kukabiliana na hali hio
05:37
through daily mediation,
yoga and a relatively healthy diet.
yoga and a relatively healthy diet.
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kwa kutafakari kila siku, kufanya yoga na kula vizuri kiasi.
05:42
(Laughter)
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(Kicheko)
05:43
If I feel like things
are starting to spiral,
are starting to spiral,
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Kama nikiona kwamba hali inaanza kuwa mbaya,
05:46
I make an appointment to see my therapist,
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Huwa nawasiliana na mtoa tiba wangu,
05:48
a dynamic black woman
named Dawn Armstrong,
named Dawn Armstrong,
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mwanamke mweusi anayeitwa Dawn Armstrong,
05:51
who has a great sense of humor
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ambaye ni mcheshi
05:53
and a familiarity that I find comforting.
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na mwenye uzoea ambao hunipa faraja.
05:57
I will always regret
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Daima nitajuta
05:59
that I couldn't be there for my nephew.
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sikuwepo kumsaidia mpwa wangu.
06:02
But my sincerest hope
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Lakini tumaini langu la kweli
06:04
is that I can inspire others
with the lesson that I've learned.
with the lesson that I've learned.
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ni kwamba niwahamasishe wengine kutokana na somo nililojifunza.
06:11
Life is beautiful.
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Maisha ni mazuri.
06:14
Sometimes it's messy,
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Kuna wakati yanavurugika,
06:16
and it's always unpredictable.
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na hayatabiriki siku zote.
06:19
But it will all be OK
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Lakini kila kitu kitakuwa sawa
06:20
when you have your support system
to help you through it.
to help you through it.
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unapokuwa na mfumo ambao utakusaidia kuyashinda yote.
06:23
I hope that if your burden gets too heavy,
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Nina imani kama mzigo wako ukiwa mzito sana,
06:25
you'll ask for a hand, too.
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utaomba msaada, pia.
06:27
Thank you.
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Asante.
06:28
(Applause)
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(Makofi)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Nikki Webber Allen - Multimedia producerNikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color.
Why you should listen
Nikki Webber Allen is a two-time Emmy winner with 20 years of experience producing content for media outlets including Warner Bros., HBO, ABC, 20th Century Fox and BET.
In 2013, while working as the vice president of casting and talent relations for the cable network TV One, Webber Allen lost her 22-year old nephew, Paul, to suicide after his years of struggle with depression and anxiety. Since then, she's become a passionate mental health advocate.
In Paul's honor, she launched the nonprofit I LIVE FOR... FOUNDATION, INC. to create a safe space for honest, unapologetic conversations about mental health in communities of color, where the cultural stigma of mental illness discourages far too many people from seeking help. Michael Eric Dyson, advisor to the foundation, has called I LIVE FOR… "an incredibly important organization that offers much-needed support to those who too often suffer in silence."
Webber Allen is currently producing and directing a documentary film featuring a diverse group of compelling young men and women who reject the stigma of mental illness and share candid stories about their experiences living with depression and anxiety. The film is being scored by her husband, musician Jeffrey Allen of the Grammy-nominated R&B band Mint Condition.
In 2016, Webber Allen was one of only 47 people chosen out of more than 1,000 applicants worldwide to receive a coveted scholarship to Marie Forleo's B-School for social entrepreneurs. She has an M.A. in media studies from The New School University in New York, NY and a B.A. in communications from Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ.
Nikki Webber Allen | Speaker | TED.com