TEDxAsheville
Jeffrey Kluger: The sibling bond
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Were you the favorite child, the wild child or the middle child? At TEDxAsheville, Jeffrey Kluger explores the profound life-long bond between brothers and sisters, and the influence of birth order, favoritism and sibling rivalry.
(Filmed at TEDxAsheville.)
Jeffrey Kluger - Senior Editor, TIME Magazine
A senior editor of science and technology reporting at TIME magazine, Jeffrey Kluger has written books on a wide range of science subjects, including the Polio vaccine, Apollo 13 and the effect of sibling relationships. Full bio
A senior editor of science and technology reporting at TIME magazine, Jeffrey Kluger has written books on a wide range of science subjects, including the Polio vaccine, Apollo 13 and the effect of sibling relationships. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
TED has already persuaded me
to change my life in one small way,
to change my life in one small way,
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TED 已經說服我在
人生中做了一個小改變，
人生中做了一個小改變，
00:16
by persuading me to change
the opening of my speech.
the opening of my speech.
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說服我改變演講的開場。
00:19
I love this idea of engagement.
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我很愛這個連結的想法。
00:22
So, when you leave here today,
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所以，當你們今天離開這裡時，
00:25
I'm going to ask you
to engage or re-engage
to engage or re-engage
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我會請你們去和人生中最重要的人
00:29
with some of the most important
people in your lives:
people in your lives:
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連結或是重新連結：
00:31
your brothers and sisters.
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你們的兄弟姐妹。
00:33
It can be a profoundly
life-affirming thing to do,
life-affirming thing to do,
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這樣能大大地鼓舞人生，
00:37
even if it isn't always easy.
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即使並不總是容易做得到。
00:40
This is a man named Elliot,
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這個人叫艾略特，
00:43
for whom things were very difficult.
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他的情況很艱困。
00:46
Elliot was a drunk.
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艾略特是個酒鬼。
00:48
He spent most of his life
battling alcoholism,
battling alcoholism,
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他人生大部份的時間都在對抗酗酒、
00:52
depression, morphine addiction,
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憂鬱、嗎啡癮，
00:54
and that life ended
when he was just 34 years old.
when he was just 34 years old.
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他在三十四歲時過世。
00:58
What made things harder for Elliot
is that his last name was Roosevelt.
is that his last name was Roosevelt.
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有件事讓艾略特的日子更難過下去，
就是他的姓氏是羅斯福。
就是他的姓氏是羅斯福。
01:03
And he could never quite
get past the comparisons
get past the comparisons
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他一直都沒辦法脫離被拿來和
他的哥哥泰迪做比較，
01:06
with his big brother Teddy,
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對泰迪來說，
日子似乎總是比較好過。
日子似乎總是比較好過。
01:07
for whom things always seemed
to come a little bit easier.
to come a little bit easier.
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01:12
It wasn't easy being Bobby, either.
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要當巴比也不容易。
01:14
He was also the sibling of a president.
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他也是一位總統的手足。
但他很崇敬他哥哥傑克。
（譯註：傑克指約翰甘迺迪）
（譯註：傑克指約翰甘迺迪）
01:16
But he adored his brother, Jack.
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01:19
He fought for him,
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他為他奮戰，
01:20
he worked for him.
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他為他工作。
01:22
And when Jack died, he bled for him, too.
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傑克過世後，他也為他流血。
01:26
In the years that followed,
Bobby would smile,
Bobby would smile,
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在之後的幾年，巴比會微笑，
01:29
but it seemed labored.
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但那微笑並不自然。
01:31
He'd lose himself in his work,
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他把自己埋在工作中，
01:33
but it seemed tortured.
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但那看來很折磨人。
01:35
Bobby's own death, so similar to John's,
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巴比的死，和約翰的死很像，
01:39
seems somehow fitting.
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在某種層面似乎很相稱。
01:41
John Kennedy was robbed of his young life;
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約翰甘迺迪的年輕生命被奪去了；
01:44
Bobby seemed almost
to have been relieved of his.
to have been relieved of his.
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巴比的生命則幾乎像是被解放了。
01:49
There may be no relationship
that effects us more profoundly,
that effects us more profoundly,
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有種關係影響我們最深刻，
01:53
that's closer, finer, harder,
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這種關係最親密、最棒、最困難、
01:57
sweeter, happier, sadder,
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最甜蜜、最快樂、最悲傷、
02:00
more filled with joy or fraught with woe
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最充滿了喜悅又伴隨了愛，
02:03
than the relationship we have
with our brothers and sisters.
with our brothers and sisters.
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這就是我們和兄弟姐妹的關係。
02:07
There's power in the sibling bond.
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在手足聯結當中存在著力量。
02:11
There's pageantry.
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存在著壯麗。
02:14
There's petulance, too,
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也存在著任性，
02:15
as when Neil Bush,
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就像尼爾布希，
02:18
sibling of both a president
and a governor, famously griped,
and a governor, famously griped,
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這位總統以及州長的兄弟，
有段很著名的抱怨：
有段很著名的抱怨：
02:22
"I've lost patience for being compared
to my older brothers,"
to my older brothers,"
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「老是被和我的哥哥們比較，
讓我已經失去耐心。」
讓我已經失去耐心。」
02:27
as if Jeb and George W
were somehow responsible
were somehow responsible
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說得好像傑布和喬治要以某種方式，
02:31
for the savings and loan scandal
and the messy divorce
and the messy divorce
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為尼爾為人所知的儲蓄及貸款醜聞
02:34
that marked Neil in the public eye.
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以及一團糟的離婚負責。
02:38
But more important
than all of these things,
than all of these things,
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但比所有這些事都更重要的是，
02:40
the sibling bond can be
a thing of abiding love.
a thing of abiding love.
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手足聯結有可能是種持久的愛。
02:44
Our parents leave us too early,
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我們的父母太早離開我們，
02:46
our spouse and our children
come along too late.
come along too late.
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我們的配偶和孩子來得太晚。
02:50
Our siblings are the only ones
who are with us
who are with us
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我們的手足是唯一在這整段路程上都
02:53
for the entire ride.
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和我們在一起的人。
02:55
Over the arc of decades,
there may be nothing
there may be nothing
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很可能，在這數十年的時間，
02:57
that defines us and forms us
more powerfully
more powerfully
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最能夠強而有力地
定義我們、形塑我們的
定義我們、形塑我們的
03:01
than our relationship
with our sisters and brothers.
with our sisters and brothers.
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就是我們和兄弟姐妹的關係。
03:04
It was true for me,
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對我而言是如此。
03:06
it's true for your children
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對你的孩子們而言是如此，
03:08
and if you have siblings,
it's true for you, too.
it's true for you, too.
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如果你有手足，對你而言亦是如此。
03:12
This picture was taken when Steve,
on the left, was eight years old.
on the left, was eight years old.
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這張照片中最左邊的是
史帝夫，他當時八歲。
史帝夫，他當時八歲。
03:16
I was six, our brother Gary was five
and my brother Bruce was four.
and my brother Bruce was four.
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我六歲、我們的弟弟
蓋瑞五歲、布魯斯四歲。
蓋瑞五歲、布魯斯四歲。
03:21
I will not say what year it was taken.
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我不會說這張照片是哪一年拍的。
03:23
It was not this year.
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不是今年。
03:24
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
03:26
I open my new book, "The Sibling Effect,"
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在一個星期六早晨，
我翻開了我的新書，
我翻開了我的新書，
叫做《手足效應》，
03:29
on a Saturday morning,
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03:30
not long before this picture was taken,
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就在拍攝這張照片的不久前，
03:32
when the three older brothers decided
that it might be a very good idea
that it might be a very good idea
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三位哥哥想出了一個好主意，
03:36
to lock the younger brother
in a fuse cabinet in our playroom.
in a fuse cabinet in our playroom.
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把弟弟鎖在遊戲間的保險絲箱子中。
03:40
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
03:41
We were, believe it or not,
trying to keep him safe.
trying to keep him safe.
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信不信由你，
我們是要保護他的安全。
我們是要保護他的安全。
03:46
Our father was a hotheaded man,
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我們的爸爸是個暴躁易怒的人，
03:49
somebody who didn't take kindly
to being disturbed on Saturday mornings.
to being disturbed on Saturday mornings.
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在星期六早晨被打擾的話，
他不會有多高興。
他不會有多高興。
03:53
I don't know what he thought his life
would be like on Saturday mornings
would be like on Saturday mornings
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我不知道當他有四個兒子時，
他認為他星期六早晨的人生
他認為他星期六早晨的人生
03:57
when he had four sons,
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會是什麼樣子的，
03:58
ages four years old or younger
when the youngest one was born,
when the youngest one was born,
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當最小的兒子出生時，
其他的兒子大約四歲上下，
其他的兒子大約四歲上下，
04:01
but they weren't quiet.
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他們一點都不安靜。
04:03
He did not take to that well.
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他並不太喜歡那樣。
04:05
And he would react to being
disturbed on a Saturday morning
disturbed on a Saturday morning
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他在星期六早晨被打擾時，
就會做出反應，
就會做出反應，
04:09
by stalking into the playroom
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他會高視闊步走到遊戲間，
04:10
and administering a very freewheeling
form of a corporal punishment,
form of a corporal punishment,
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然後隨心所欲進行體罰，
04:14
lashing out at whoever
was within arms' reach.
was within arms' reach.
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猛擊任何在手臂範圍能觸及的人。
04:18
We were by no means battered children
but we did get hit,
but we did get hit,
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我們絕對不是受虐的孩子，
但我們的確會被打，
但我們的確會被打，
04:22
and we found it terrifying.
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我們覺得很害怕。
04:24
So we devised a sort of
scatter-and-hide drill.
scatter-and-hide drill.
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所以我們策劃出了一種
散開躲起來的訓練。
散開躲起來的訓練。
04:27
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:28
As soon as we saw or heard
the footsteps coming,
the footsteps coming,
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當我們看見或聽到
腳步聲朝我們來時，
腳步聲朝我們來時，
04:32
Steve, the oldest, would wriggle
under the couch,
under the couch,
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長兄史帝夫會爬到沙發底下，
04:35
I would dive into the closet
in the playroom,
in the playroom,
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我會鑽入遊戲間的衣櫃裡，
04:39
Gary would dive into
a window-seat toy chest,
a window-seat toy chest,
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蓋瑞會躲到靠窗的玩具箱裡，
04:42
but not before we closed
Bruce inside the fuse box.
Bruce inside the fuse box.
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但我們會先把布魯斯
關到保險絲箱子中。
關到保險絲箱子中。
04:45
We told him it was
Alan Shepard's space capsule,
Alan Shepard's space capsule,
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我們告訴他，那是
艾倫雪帕德的太空艙，
艾倫雪帕德的太空艙，
04:48
and that somehow made it work better.
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所以就更順利了些。
04:50
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:52
I dare say my father was never
fooled by this ruse.
fooled by this ruse.
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我敢說我爸爸從來沒有
被這花招騙到。
被這花招騙到。
04:56
And it was only in later
years that I began to think
years that I began to think
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很多年後，我才開始想，
04:59
perhaps it wasn't a good idea
to squeeze a four-year-old
to squeeze a four-year-old
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或許把四歲小孩
塞到老式、無法鬆開螺絲、
塞到老式、無法鬆開螺絲、
05:02
up against a panel of old-style,
un-screwable high-voltage fuses.
un-screwable high-voltage fuses.
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有高電壓保險絲板的箱子中
並不是個好主意。
並不是個好主意。
05:07
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
05:08
But my brothers and I,
even through those unhappy times,
even through those unhappy times,
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但我和我兄弟們，
即使是在那些不開心的時候，
即使是在那些不開心的時候，
05:13
came through them, with something
that was clear and hard and fine:
that was clear and hard and fine:
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仍然走過來了，我們有著某種
清楚、堅固、美好的東西：
清楚、堅固、美好的東西：
05:18
a primal appreciation
for the bond we shared.
for the bond we shared.
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對我們之間的聯結，
有著基本的感激與喜愛。
有著基本的感激與喜愛。
05:22
We were a unit -- a loud, messy
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我們是一個小組，一個吵鬧、邋遢、
05:26
brawling, loyal, loving,
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愛吵架、忠誠、慈愛、
05:29
lasting unit.
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長存的小組。
05:31
We felt much stronger that way
than we ever could as individuals.
than we ever could as individuals.
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那樣的感受，是身為
個人無法體會到的。
個人無法體會到的。
05:35
And we knew that as our lives went on,
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我們知道，隨著我們的人生走下去，
05:38
we could always be able
to call on that strength.
to call on that strength.
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我們永遠都能夠召喚那力量。
05:42
We're not alone.
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我們不孤單。
05:43
Until 15 years ago,
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直到十五年前之前，
05:45
scientists didn't really pay much
attention to the sibling bond.
attention to the sibling bond.
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科學家並未特別注意手足聯結。
05:48
And with good reason:
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有很好的理由：
05:50
you have just one mother,
you have just one father
you have just one father
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你只有一個媽媽、你只有一個爸爸，
05:53
if you do marriage right,
you have one spouse for life.
you have one spouse for life.
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如果你的婚姻順利，
你一生都會有一個配偶。
你一生都會有一個配偶。
05:56
Siblings can claim
none of that uniqueness.
none of that uniqueness.
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手足無法有這樣子的獨一無二性。
05:59
They're interchangeable, fungible,
a kind of household commodity.
a kind of household commodity.
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他們是可交換的、可取代的，
像一種生活用品。
像一種生活用品。
06:03
Parents set up shop and begin stocking
their shelves with inventory,
their shelves with inventory,
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父母開設一間店，
開始把他們的架上堆滿存貨，
開始把他們的架上堆滿存貨，
06:07
the only limitation being sperm,
egg and economics.
egg and economics.
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唯一的限制就是精子、卵子和經濟。
06:10
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
06:12
As long as you can keep breathing,
you may as well keep stocking.
you may as well keep stocking.
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只要你還能繼續呼吸，
你就可以持續進貨。
你就可以持續進貨。
06:15
Now, nature is perfectly happy
with that arrangement,
with that arrangement,
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大自然對於這樣的安排
是完全沒意見的，
是完全沒意見的，
06:19
because our primal directive here
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因為我們的主要方針
06:21
is to get as many of our genes
as possible into the next generation.
as possible into the next generation.
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是把基因傳到下一代去，越多越好。
06:26
Animals wrestle with
these same issues, too,
these same issues, too,
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動物也要努力解決同樣的議題，
06:29
but they have a more straightforward way
of dealing with things.
of dealing with things.
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只是牠們處理事情的方式比較直接。
06:32
A crested penguin that has laid two eggs
will take a good look at them
will take a good look at them
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冠羽企鵝如果生了兩個蛋，
牠會仔細檢視它們，
牠會仔細檢視它們，
06:36
and boot the smaller one out of the nest,
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然後把比較小的那個踢出巢，
06:39
the better to focus her attentions
on the presumably heartier chick
on the presumably heartier chick
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才能把牠更多的注意力
分給大蛋中理當是
分給大蛋中理當是
06:42
in the bigger shell.
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較健壯的小孩。
06:45
A black eagle will allow
all of her chicks to hatch
all of her chicks to hatch
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黑鷹會讓所有的蛋都孵化，
06:48
and then stand back while the bigger ones
fight it out with the little ones,
fight it out with the little ones,
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當大幼鳥和小幼鳥
決一雌雄時，牠不會插手，
決一雌雄時，牠不會插手，
06:52
typically ripping them to ribbons
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小幼鳥通常會被撕碎，
06:54
and then settling back
to grow up in peace.
to grow up in peace.
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大幼鳥再安穩和平地長大。
06:57
Piglets, cute as they are,
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小豬雖然很可愛，
06:59
are born with a strange
little outward set of pointing teeth,
little outward set of pointing teeth,
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生來就有一對向外伸的奇怪牙齒，
07:03
that they use to jab at one another
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是用來刺彼此的，
07:05
as they compete
for the choicest nursing spots.
for the choicest nursing spots.
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為了搶最佳的吸奶地點時就會用到。
07:10
The problem for scientists
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對科學家來說，問題是
07:12
was that this whole idea of siblings
as second-class citizens
as second-class citizens
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手足是次等公民的這個想法，
07:17
never really seemed to hold up.
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似乎從來就站不住腳。
07:21
After the researchers
had learned all they could
had learned all they could
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在研究者盡可能從手足關係、
07:24
from the relationships in the family,
mothers and other relationships,
mothers and other relationships,
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母子和其他的家庭關係，
能學的都學了之後，
能學的都學了之後，
07:30
they still came up with some
temperamental dark matter
temperamental dark matter
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他們得到的仍然是
捉摸不定的暗物質，
捉摸不定的暗物質，
07:33
that was pulling at us,
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它在拉著我們，
07:35
exerting a gravity all its own.
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施加它自己的重力場。
07:37
And that could only be our siblings.
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那只可能是我們的手足。
07:40
Humans are no different from animals.
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人類和動物沒有什麼不同。
07:44
After we are born, we do whatever we can
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我們出生之後，我們會盡自己所能
07:49
to attract the attention of our parents,
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來吸引父母的注意力，
07:51
determining what our strongest
selling points are
selling points are
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判斷我們最優秀的賣點是什麼，
07:54
and marketing them ferociously.
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然後強烈行銷它。
07:56
Someone's the funny one,
someone's the pretty one,
someone's the pretty one,
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有人很會搞笑，有人長得好看，
07:59
someone's the athlete,
someone's the smart one.
someone's the smart one.
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有人是運動健將，有人頭腦很好。
08:04
Scientists call this "deidentification."
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科學家稱之為「去識別化」。
08:07
If my older brother
is a high-school football player --
is a high-school football player --
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如果我哥哥是高中美式足球隊員——
08:10
which, if you saw my older
brother, you'd know he was not --
brother, you'd know he was not --
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2911
你們剛看過他，看得出他並不是——
08:13
I could become a high-school
football player, too
football player, too
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我也有可能會成為
高中美式足球隊員，
高中美式足球隊員，
08:15
and get at most 50 percent of the applause
in my family for doing that.
in my family for doing that.
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且我這麼做最多可以得到
家庭中 50% 的掌聲。
家庭中 50% 的掌聲。
08:21
Or, I could become student
council president
council president
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或，我可以成為學生會會長，
08:24
or specialize in the arts
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或是去精通藝術，
08:26
and get 100 percent
of the attention in that area.
of the attention in that area.
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然後在那個領域得到
100% 的注意力。
100% 的注意力。
08:30
Sometimes parents contaminate
the identification process,
the identification process,
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有時父母會污染那去識別化的過程，
08:34
communicating to their kids subtly or not,
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巧妙或不巧妙地和他們的孩子溝通，
08:37
that only certain kinds of accomplishments
will be applauded in the home.
will be applauded in the home.
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告訴他們，只有某些類別的
成就才會在家中得到掌聲。
成就才會在家中得到掌聲。
08:42
Joe Kennedy was famous for this,
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喬甘迺迪在這方面很著名，
08:45
making it clear to his nine children
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他讓九個孩子清楚知道，
08:47
that they were expected to compete
with one another in athletics
with one another in athletics
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他們會被期望要
在運動中和彼此競爭，
在運動中和彼此競爭，
08:50
and were expected to win,
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且被期望要贏，
08:52
lest they be made to eat
in the kitchen with the help,
in the kitchen with the help,
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不然他們就會被迫要
在廚房和佣人一起吃飯，
在廚房和佣人一起吃飯，
08:55
rather than in the dining room
with the family.
with the family.
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而不是在餐廳和家人一起吃飯。
08:59
It's no wonder
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528934
1177
也難怪，
09:01
that scrawny second-born Jack Kennedy
fought so hard to compete
fought so hard to compete
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骨瘦如柴的二兒子傑克甘迺迪
要這麼努力奮鬥，
要這麼努力奮鬥，
來和比他更是適者的大兒子喬競爭，
09:05
with his fitter firstborn brother, Joe,
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通常置自己於險地，
09:08
often at his peril,
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09:09
at one point, engaging
in a bicycle race around the house
in a bicycle race around the house
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有一次，繞著房子進行
一場腳踏車競速，
一場腳踏車競速，
09:13
that resulted in a collision
costing John 28 stitches.
costing John 28 stitches.
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結果發生碰撞，約翰縫了 28 針，
09:17
Joe walked away essentially unharmed.
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喬幾乎是毫髮無傷。
09:21
Parents exacerbate this problem further
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父母若展現出偏袒，
09:24
when they exhibit favoritism,
178
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會使這個問題更加嚴重，
09:26
which they do overwhelmingly,
no matter how much they admit it.
no matter how much they admit it.
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4514
不論他們承認與否，他們其實
都無法抗拒地一直在這麼做著。
都無法抗拒地一直在這麼做著。
09:31
A study I cite in this TIME magazine
covering in the book "The Sibling Effect,"
covering in the book "The Sibling Effect,"
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這期時代雜誌報導《手足效應》
這本書，在此我引述了一項研究，
這本書，在此我引述了一項研究，
09:35
found 70 percent of fathers
and 65 percent of mothers
and 65 percent of mothers
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研究發現，70% 的父親
和 65% 的母親
和 65% 的母親
09:40
exhibit a preference
for at least one child.
for at least one child.
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會展現出對至少一個孩子的偏愛。
09:43
And keep in mind here --
the keyword is "exhibit."
the keyword is "exhibit."
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請記住關鍵字是「展現」。
09:47
The remaining parents may simply be doing
a better job of concealing things.
a better job of concealing things.
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其他的父母只是
藏得更好沒展現而已。
藏得更好沒展現而已。
09:52
(Laughter)
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1866
（笑聲）
09:54
I like to say that 95 percent
of all parents have a favorite,
of all parents have a favorite,
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5540
我想說的是，95% 的父母
都有偏愛的孩子，
都有偏愛的孩子，
09:59
five percent are lying about it.
187
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2359
5% 的父母則在說謊。
10:02
The exception is my wife and me.
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1891
我太太和我是例外。
10:04
Honestly, we do not have a favorite.
189
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2671
老實說，我們沒有偏愛誰。
10:06
(Laughter)
190
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2081
（笑聲）
10:08
It's not parents' fault that they harbor
feelings of favoritism.
feelings of favoritism.
191
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3580
心懷偏袒並不是父母的錯。
10:12
And here, too, our natural
wiring is at work.
wiring is at work.
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這也是我們的天性所造成。
10:16
Firstborns are the first products
on the familial assembly line.
on the familial assembly line.
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4627
第一胎是家庭裝配線的第一個產品。
10:20
Parents typically get two years
of investing dollars, calories
of investing dollars, calories
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4949
父母通常會有兩年的時間
投資金錢、卡路里、
投資金錢、卡路里、
10:25
and so many other resources in them,
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2330
和許多資源在第一胎上，
10:28
so that by the time
the second born comes along,
the second born comes along,
196
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3068
等到第二胎出生時，
10:31
the firstborn is already ...
it's what corporations call "sunk costs,"
it's what corporations call "sunk costs,"
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第一胎已經…這是企業
所謂的「沉沒成本」，
所謂的「沉沒成本」，
10:35
you don't want to disinvest in this one
198
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2401
你並不想收回對這一胎的投資，
10:37
and launch the R&D on the new product.
199
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2022
然後去進行新產品研發。
10:39
(Laughter)
200
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1063
（笑聲）
10:41
So what we begin to do is say,
"I'm going to lean to the Mac OS X
"I'm going to lean to the Mac OS X
201
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5076
所以我們開始做的是說：
「我傾向 Mac OS X，
「我傾向 Mac OS X，
10:46
and let the Mac OS XI come out
in a couple of years."
in a couple of years."
202
635141
2867
然後讓 Mac OS XI
在幾年之後再出來。」
在幾年之後再出來。」
10:49
So we tend to lean in that direction.
203
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1862
所以我們傾向朝向那個方向。
10:50
(Laughter)
204
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1132
（笑聲）
10:52
But there are other forces at work, too.
205
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2385
但也還有其他力量會造成影響。
10:54
One of the same studies I looked at
both here and in the book found that,
both here and in the book found that,
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5239
我在這裡和書中都有談到的
其中一篇研究發現，
其中一篇研究發現，
10:59
improbably, the most common favorite
for a father is the last-born daughter.
for a father is the last-born daughter.
207
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6876
難以置信，爸爸普遍
最偏愛的孩子是最小的女兒。
最偏愛的孩子是最小的女兒。
11:06
The most common favorite
for a mother is the firstborn son.
for a mother is the firstborn son.
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3870
媽媽普遍最偏愛的孩子
是最大的兒子。
是最大的兒子。
11:10
Now, this isn't Oedipal; never mind
what the Freudians would have told us
what the Freudians would have told us
209
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3602
這不是戀母情節；
別管佛洛伊德在一百年前
別管佛洛伊德在一百年前
告訴我們什麼。
11:14
a hundred years ago.
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1159
並不只是爸爸會習慣去
11:15
And it's not just that fathers
are habitually wrapped around
are habitually wrapped around
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2876
纏著他們小女兒的手指，
11:18
the fingers of their little girls,
212
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1649
11:19
though I can tell you that,
as the father of two girls,
as the father of two girls,
213
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2659
不過，我自己有兩個女孩，
我可以告訴你們，
我可以告訴你們，
11:22
that part definitely plays a role.
214
671605
1975
那部份絕對有扮演一個角色。
11:25
Rather, there is a certain
reproductive narcissism at work.
reproductive narcissism at work.
215
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4011
而是有某種生殖的自戀在背後運作。
11:29
Your opposite-gender kids
216
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4812
和你性別不同的孩子，
11:34
can never resemble you exactly.
217
683606
3713
永遠不可能完全跟你一樣。
11:38
But if somehow they can resemble
you temperamentally,
you temperamentally,
218
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3384
但他們可以在氣氛上和你相似，
11:41
you'll love them all the more.
219
690751
1712
你會更愛他們。
11:43
As the result, the father
who is a businessman will just melt
who is a businessman will just melt
220
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5023
因此，若爸爸是生意人，
只要想到企管碩士女兒，
鐵石心腸就會軟化。
鐵石心腸就會軟化。
11:48
at the idea of his MBA daughter
with a tough-as-nails worldview.
with a tough-as-nails worldview.
221
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5633
11:54
The mother who is a sensitive type
will go gooey over her son the poet.
will go gooey over her son the poet.
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敏感型的媽媽則會因為
兒子的詩而很多情。
兒子的詩而很多情。
11:58
(Laughter)
223
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1894
（笑聲）
12:00
Birth order, another topic
I covered for TIME,
I covered for TIME,
224
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3361
出生順序，是我為時代雜誌
報導的另一個主題，
報導的另一個主題，
12:03
and another topic I cover in the book,
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3775
也是我書中談到的另一個主題。
12:07
plays out in other ways as well.
226
716434
2003
也以其他方式發展。
12:09
Long before scientists
began looking at this,
began looking at this,
227
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3179
遠在在科學家開始探究這點之前，
12:12
parents noticed that there are
certain temperamental templates
certain temperamental templates
228
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3450
父母已注意到所有的出生排名
12:16
associated with all birth rankings:
229
725138
2199
都會連結到特定的性格樣版：
12:18
the serious, striving firstborn;
230
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2917
第一胎是嚴肅、努力的；
12:21
the caught-in-a-thicket's middle born;
231
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2357
第二胎是最貪玩的；
12:23
the wild child of a last born.
232
732683
2602
最小的孩子則比較野。
12:26
And once again, when science
did crack this field,
did crack this field,
233
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2621
同樣的，當科學進入了這個領城，
12:28
they found out mom and dad are right.
234
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2344
他們發現爸媽是對的。
12:31
Firstborns across history have tended
to be bigger and healthier
to be bigger and healthier
235
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4399
在歷史上，第一胎都傾向
會比後來出生的孩子
會比後來出生的孩子
更壯大、健康，
12:35
than later borns,
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1270
12:37
in part, because of the head start
they got on food
they got on food
237
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2506
部份原因是因為他們在
食物可能會很稀少的區域中，
食物可能會很稀少的區域中，
12:39
in an area in which it could be scarce.
238
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2425
在食物方面贏在起跑點。
第一胎也會得到較可靠的疫苗注射，
12:42
Firstborns are also
vaccinated more reliably
vaccinated more reliably
239
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3555
12:45
and tend to have more
follow-up visits to doctors
follow-up visits to doctors
240
754597
3495
在生病的時候，
後續去給醫生檢查的次數也
後續去給醫生檢查的次數也
12:49
when they get sick.
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傾向會比較多。
12:50
And this pattern continues today.
242
759412
2127
這個模式至今仍然存在。
12:52
This IQ question is, sadly -- I can
say this as a second-born --
say this as a second-born --
243
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4004
可惜，這個智商問題——
我以第二胎的身份說——
我以第二胎的身份說——
12:56
a very real thing.
244
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1689
是非常真實的。
12:58
Firstborns have a three-point
IQ advantage over second borns
IQ advantage over second borns
245
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3749
比起第二胎，第一胎在
智商上有高出 3 分的優勢，
智商上有高出 3 分的優勢，
13:02
and second borns have a 1.5 IQ
advantage over later borns,
advantage over later borns,
246
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3929
比起更小的孩子，第二胎
在智商上有高出 1.5 分的優勢，
在智商上有高出 1.5 分的優勢，
13:06
partly because of the exclusive attention
firstborns get from mom and dad,
firstborns get from mom and dad,
247
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4459
部份原因是因為第一胎
能獨佔爸媽的注意力，
能獨佔爸媽的注意力，
13:10
and partly because they get a chance
to mentor the younger kids.
to mentor the younger kids.
248
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4009
還有部份原因是因為他們
有機會來教導比他們小的孩子。
有機會來教導比他們小的孩子。
13:15
All of this explains why firstborns
are likelier to be CEOs,
are likelier to be CEOs,
249
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3940
以上這些，解釋了為什麼
第一胎比較有可能成為執行長，
第一胎比較有可能成為執行長，
13:19
they are likelier to be senators,
250
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1632
比較有可能會成為議員，
13:20
they are likelier to be astronauts,
251
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1793
比較有可能會成為太空人，
13:22
and they are likelier to earn more
than other kids are.
than other kids are.
252
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3037
比較有可能比其他孩子更有錢。
13:26
Last borns come into the world
with a whole different set of challenges.
with a whole different set of challenges.
253
795936
4569
最小的孩子來到世界上時，
要面對的挑戰不同。
要面對的挑戰不同。
13:31
The smallest and weakest cubs in the den,
254
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2659
巢穴中最小最弱的幼獸
13:34
they're at the greatest risk
of getting eaten alive,
of getting eaten alive,
255
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3060
最有被活生生吃掉的風險，
13:37
so they have to develop
what are called "low-power skills" --
what are called "low-power skills" --
256
806296
3253
所以他們得要發展出
所謂的「低能力技能」——
所謂的「低能力技能」——
13:40
the ability to charm and disarm,
257
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2404
迷人和消除對方怒氣的能力。
13:43
to intuit what's going on
in someone else's head,
in someone else's head,
258
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2905
要憑直覺知道別人腦子裡在想什麼，
13:45
the better to duck
the punch before it lands.
the punch before it lands.
259
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2595
最好在拳頭打過來之前就要先閃躲。
13:48
(Laughter)
260
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1373
（笑聲）
13:49
They're also flat-out funnier,
261
818946
2657
他們也會盡可能讓自己更風趣，
13:52
which is another thing
that comes in handy,
that comes in handy,
262
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2223
這是另一項很方便的技能，
因為你很難去狠狠揍
一個會逗你笑的人。
一個會逗你笑的人。
13:54
because a person who's making you laugh
is a very hard person to slug.
is a very hard person to slug.
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13:58
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
14:00
It's perhaps no coincidence
that over the course of history,
that over the course of history,
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在歷史上有個現象可能不是巧合，
14:03
some of our greatest satirists --
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一些最偉大的諷刺作家——
14:05
Swift,
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史威夫特、
14:07
Twain,
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吐溫、
14:09
Voltaire,
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伏爾泰、
14:11
Colbert --
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柯貝爾——
14:12
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
14:14
are either the last borns
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他們若不是最小的孩子，
14:16
or among the last in very large families.
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就是非常大的家庭中
最小的幾個孩子之一。
最小的幾個孩子之一。
14:20
Most middle borns don't get
quite as sweet a deal.
quite as sweet a deal.
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大部份中間的孩子
通常不太會有甜頭。
通常不太會有甜頭。
14:23
I think of us as the flyover states.
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我認為我們是低空飛過的狀態。
14:25
We are --
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我們——
14:27
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
14:30
we're the ones who fight harder
for recognition in the home.
for recognition in the home.
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我們在家中要更努力飛行
才能夠得到認可。
才能夠得到認可。
14:34
We're the ones who are always
raising our hands
raising our hands
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我們總是舉手的人，
14:37
while someone else at the table
is getting called on.
is getting called on.
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但被選中的總是同桌的其他人。
14:40
We're the ones who tend
to take a little longer
to take a little longer
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我們傾向會花比較長一點的時間
14:42
to find their direction in life.
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才能找到人生的方向。
14:45
And there can be self-esteem
issues associated with that,
issues associated with that,
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和這相關的還有自尊議題，
14:48
notwithstanding the fact
that I've been asked to do TED,
that I've been asked to do TED,
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儘管我被邀請來 TED 演講，
14:51
so I feel much better
about these things right now.
about these things right now.
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所以我現在對這些事感覺好很多。
14:53
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
14:54
But the upside for middle borns
is that they also tend to develop
is that they also tend to develop
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但，中間的孩子也有
有利的一面，他們傾向會
有利的一面，他們傾向會
在家外面發展出更密集豐富的關係。
14:59
denser and richer relationships
outside the home.
outside the home.
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15:03
But that advantage comes also
from something of a disadvantage,
from something of a disadvantage,
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但那優勢也是來自一個劣勢，
15:06
simply because their needs
weren't met as well in the home.
weren't met as well in the home.
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因為他們的需求在家中無法被滿足。
15:10
The feuds in the playroom
that play out over favoritism,
that play out over favoritism,
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在遊戲間因偏袒、出生順序
15:14
birth order and so many other issues
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和許多其他議題而發展出來的不和，
15:16
are as unrelenting as they seem.
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的確會持續不減緩。
15:19
In one study I cite in the book,
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我在書中有引用一篇研究，
15:21
children in the two-to-four age group
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在研究中，二到四歲那一組的孩子
15:24
engage in one fight every 6.3 minutes,
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平均每 6.3 分鐘就會打一次架，
15:30
or 9.5 fights an hour.
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每小時會打 9.5 次架。
15:33
That's not fighting --
that's performance art.
that's performance art.
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那不是打架，而是表演藝術。
15:36
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
15:37
That's extraordinary.
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那很不凡。
15:39
One reason for this is that there are
a lot more people in your home
a lot more people in your home
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一個原因是因為，你家裡的人
比你想像的還要多，
15:43
than you think there are,
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15:45
or at least a lot more relationships.
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或至少有更多的關係。
15:47
Every person in your house has
a discrete one-on-one relationship
a discrete one-on-one relationship
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你家中的每一個人都和任何一個人
有一個分離的一對一關係，
15:52
with every other person,
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15:53
and those pairings or dyads add up fast.
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而那些兩兩配對的數目
隨人數會增加很快。
隨人數會增加很快。
15:57
In a family with two parents and two kids,
there are six dyads:
there are six dyads:
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在兩個父母和兩個孩子的家庭中，
就有六種兩兩配對：
就有六種兩兩配對：
16:02
Mom has a relationship with child A and B,
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媽媽和孩子甲、
孩子乙都有一個關係，
孩子乙都有一個關係，
16:05
Dad has a relationship with child A and B.
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爸爸和孩子甲、
孩子乙都有一個關係，
孩子乙都有一個關係，
16:08
There's the marital relationship,
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還有父母的婚姻關係，
16:09
and there is the relationship
between the kids themselves.
between the kids themselves.
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及兩個孩子之間的關係。
16:13
The formula for this
looks very chilly but it's real.
looks very chilly but it's real.
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計算的方程式看起來
不太友善，但的確是真的。
不太友善，但的確是真的。
16:16
K equals the number of people
in your household,
in your household,
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k 是家中的人數。
16:21
and X equals the number of dyads.
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而 x 就是兩兩配對的數目。
16:25
In a five-person family,
there are ten discrete dyads.
there are ten discrete dyads.
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在五個人的家庭中，
就有十種分離的兩兩配對關係。
就有十種分離的兩兩配對關係。
16:29
The eight-person Brady Bunch --
never mind the sweetness here --
never mind the sweetness here --
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在八個人的《脫線家族》（喜劇）
－不論有多甜蜜－
－不論有多甜蜜－
16:33
there were 28 dyads in that family.
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就有二十八種兩兩配對。
16:36
The original Kennedy family with nine kids
had 55 different relationships.
had 55 different relationships.
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5578
原始的甘迺迪家庭有九個孩子，
那就是五十五種不同的兩兩關係。
那就是五十五種不同的兩兩關係。
16:41
And Bobby Kennedy, who grew up
to have 11 children of his own,
to have 11 children of his own,
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巴比甘迺迪長大之後，
自己有十一個孩子，
自己有十一個孩子，
16:45
had a household with a whopping 91 dyads.
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994857
3636
這個家庭就有高達
九十一個兩兩配對關係。
九十一個兩兩配對關係。
16:50
This overpopulation of relationships
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這種關係過盛的狀況，
16:54
makes fights unavoidable.
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讓打架是無可避免的。
16:57
And far and away the biggest trigger
for all sibling fights is property.
for all sibling fights is property.
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5057
無疑地，造成手足打架
最大的觸發原因就是財產。
最大的觸發原因就是財產。
17:02
Studies have found that over 95 percent
of the fights among small children
of the fights among small children
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研究發現，小孩之間
所打的架，有 95%
所打的架，有 95%
17:07
concern somebody touching, playing with,
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都和某人亂碰、亂玩或亂看
17:10
looking at the other person's stuff.
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另一個人的東西有關。
17:13
(Laughter)
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1003
（笑聲）
17:14
This in its own way is healthy
if it's very noisy,
if it's very noisy,
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4725
這狀況本身其實是健康的，
只是挺吵的。
只是挺吵的。
17:19
and the reason is that small children
come into the world
come into the world
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3893
原因是因為，小孩來到這個世界上，
17:23
with absolutely no control.
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完全沒有任何控制權。
17:25
They are utterly helpless.
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他們是徹底無助的。
17:27
The only way they have
of projecting their very limited power
of projecting their very limited power
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他們只有一種方式，
能夠投射他們非常有限的能力，
能夠投射他們非常有限的能力，
17:31
is through the objects
they can call their own.
they can call their own.
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就是透過能聲稱是
他們自己擁有的東西。
他們自己擁有的東西。
17:34
When somebody crosses
that very erasable line,
that very erasable line,
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當有人越過那條非常
容易抹除的界線時，
容易抹除的界線時，
17:37
they're going to go nuts,
and that's what happens.
and that's what happens.
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2784
他們會抓狂，打架就是如此發生的。
17:41
Another very common casus belli
among children is the idea of fairness,
among children is the idea of fairness,
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5615
孩子之間還有一個很普遍的
開戰理由，就是公平的想法，
開戰理由，就是公平的想法，
17:47
as any parent who hears 14 times a day,
"But that's unfair!"
"But that's unfair!"
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4606
任何每天都會聽到十四次
「但那不公平！」的父母都能
「但那不公平！」的父母都能
17:52
can tell you.
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1514
告訴你這件事。
17:53
In a way this is good, too, though.
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不過，在某種層面上，這是好事。
17:56
Kids are born with a very innate sense
of right and wrong,
of right and wrong,
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3804
孩子出生時就有
與生俱來的對錯的觀念，
與生俱來的對錯的觀念，
17:59
of a fair deal versus an unfair one,
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公平交易和不公平交易的觀念，
18:02
and this teaches them powerful lessons.
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2255
這是非常強大的教材。
18:04
Do you want to know how powerfully encoded
fairness is in the human genome?
fairness is in the human genome?
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5089
你想要知道在人類基因組中，
公平的編碼有多強大嗎？
公平的編碼有多強大嗎？
18:09
We process that phenomenon
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2598
我們用來處理那個現象
18:12
through the same lobe in our brain
that processes disgust,
that processes disgust,
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4176
所使用的腦葉也是用來處理噁心的，
18:16
meaning we react to the idea
of somebody being cheated
of somebody being cheated
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4762
意思是，我們對於有人作弊的反應，
18:21
the same way we react to putrefied meat.
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和我們對腐肉的反應是一樣的。
18:24
(Laughter)
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1173
（笑聲）
18:25
Any wonder that this fellow,
Bernie Madoff, is unpopular?
Bernie Madoff, is unpopular?
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有人納悶為什麼這個人，
伯納馬多夫，會不受歡迎嗎？
伯納馬多夫，會不受歡迎嗎？
18:33
All of these dramas played out day to day,
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3235
所有這些戲劇天天在上演，
18:36
moment to moment,
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時時在上演，
18:37
serve as a real-time,
total-immersion exercise for life.
total-immersion exercise for life.
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4667
是人生的即時完全沉浸式練習。
18:43
Siblings teach each other conflict
avoidance and conflict resolution,
avoidance and conflict resolution,
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4840
手足會教導彼此
衝突的避免和衝突的化解、
衝突的避免和衝突的化解、
18:47
when to stand up for themselves,
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2396
何時要為自己站出來、
18:50
when to stand down;
355
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何時要退一步；
18:51
they learn love,
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1632
他們能學到愛、
18:53
loyalty, honesty, sharing,
caring, compromise,
caring, compromise,
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5596
忠誠、誠實、分享、關心、妥協、
18:59
the disclosure of secrets
and much more important,
and much more important,
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3375
揭露秘密，還有更重要的，
19:02
the keeping of confidences.
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1131644
1867
保有信心。
19:06
I listen to my young daughters --
aren’t they adorable? --
aren’t they adorable? --
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2849
我傾聽年幼的女兒
——她們很可愛，對吧？——
——她們很可愛，對吧？——
19:09
I listen to my young daughters
talking late into the night,
talking late into the night,
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4363
我傾聽年幼女兒對話直到深夜，
19:13
the same way my parents, no doubt,
listened to my brothers and me talking,
listened to my brothers and me talking,
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4071
就像我父母無疑會傾聽
我和兄弟對話一樣，
我和兄弟對話一樣，
19:17
and sometimes I intervene,
but usually I don't.
but usually I don't.
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3178
有時候我會介入，但通常不會。
19:21
They're part of a conversation
I am not part of,
I am not part of,
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3377
她們是對話的一部份，我則不是，
19:25
nobody else in the world is part of,
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2069
世界其他任何人都不是，
19:27
and it's a conversation
that can and should go on
that can and should go on
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3592
那對話能夠且應該會持續下去，
19:30
for the rest of their lives.
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1870
跟著她們的一生。
19:32
From this will come a sense of constancy,
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2778
這會產生一種恆久不變的感覺，
19:35
a sense of having a permanent
traveling companion,
traveling companion,
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3102
有一位永遠的旅行伙伴的感覺，
19:38
somebody with whom they road-tested life
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2673
能和這個伙伴測試人生的道路，
19:41
before they ever had to get out
and travel it on their own.
and travel it on their own.
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1170376
3085
然後再自己出去外面的世界
踏上人生的旅途。
踏上人生的旅途。
19:45
Brothers and sisters aren't
the sine qua non of a happy life;
the sine qua non of a happy life;
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3819
兄弟姐妹並非快樂人生的必要條件；
19:49
plenty of adult sibling
relationships are fatally broken
relationships are fatally broken
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3182
有很多成人的手足關係
已經破裂到無法挽回，
已經破裂到無法挽回，
19:52
and need to be abandoned
for the sanity of everybody involved.
for the sanity of everybody involved.
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3895
得要拋棄這關係，才能讓
涉及的每個人都能精神正常。
涉及的每個人都能精神正常。
19:56
And only-children, throughout history,
have shown themselves
have shown themselves
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4344
在整個歷史中，獨子或獨女都展現出
20:00
to be creatively, brilliantly capable
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1189886
2795
他們能很有創意地、很出色地
20:03
of getting their socialization
and comradeship skills
and comradeship skills
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3388
習得他們的社交和友誼技巧，
20:07
through friends, through cousins,
through classmates.
through classmates.
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3939
可能是透過朋友、
表親或同學來做到。
表親或同學來做到。
20:11
But having siblings and not
making the most of those bonds
making the most of those bonds
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4093
但，若有手足卻不
好好發揮這些聯結，
好好發揮這些聯結，
20:15
is, I believe, folly of the first order.
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3449
我認為，是最愚蠢的事。
20:18
If relationships are broken
and are fixable, fix them.
and are fixable, fix them.
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1207670
4582
如果已破裂的關係是
可以修復的，就去修復它。
可以修復的，就去修復它。
20:23
If they work, make them even better.
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2696
如果關係沒破裂，讓它變得更好。
20:25
Failing to do so is a little like having
a thousand acres of fertile farmland
a thousand acres of fertile farmland
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1214996
5170
不這麼做，就像是有
一千畝的肥沃農地，
一千畝的肥沃農地，
20:31
and never planting it.
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1683
卻什麼都不種。
20:32
Yes, you can always get your food
at the supermarket,
at the supermarket,
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4096
是的，你一定都能從超市買到食物，
20:37
but think what you're
allowing to lie fallow.
allowing to lie fallow.
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1226017
3243
但，想想看你是在讓
什麼樣的地在休耕。
什麼樣的地在休耕。
20:40
Life is short, it's finite,
and it plays for keeps.
and it plays for keeps.
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1229284
5178
人生很短、很有限，需你全力以赴。
20:45
Siblings may be among the richest harvests
of the time we have here.
of the time we have here.
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1234486
5010
手足可能是我們人生在世時
最豐富的收穫之一。
最豐富的收穫之一。
20:50
Thank you.
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1153
謝謝。
20:51
(Applause)
390
1240697
5451
（掌聲）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jeffrey Kluger - Senior Editor, TIME MagazineA senior editor of science and technology reporting at TIME magazine, Jeffrey Kluger has written books on a wide range of science subjects, including the Polio vaccine, Apollo 13 and the effect of sibling relationships.
Why you should listen
Jeffrey Kluger is a senior editor at TIME magazine, where he has worked since 1996. In 1994, he co-authored Lost Moon: The Perilous Voyage of Apollo 13, which was the basis for the Tom Hanks film Apollo 13. His book about Jonas Salk and the Polio vaccine, Splendid Solution, was published in 2006. Three years later, he published Simplexity: Why Simple Things Become Complex (and Why Complex Things Can Be Made Simple). His latest book, The Sibling Effect, came out in 2011.
Jeffrey Kluger | Speaker | TED.com