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Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness
Robert Waldinger: Kuidas elada oma elu hästi? Kõige pikaajalisema õnneuuringu tulemused.
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Mis aitab meil olla õnnelik ja terve kogu elu? Kui sa arvad, et see on kuulsus ja raha, siis mõtled samuti nagu paljud teised, kuid psühhiaater Robert Waldingeri uurimus näitab, et sa eksid. Waldinger juhib uurimisrühma, kes tegeleb juba 75-aastat kestnud teadusuuringuga, mille fookuses on täiskasvanute areng ja elukäik. Seeläbi on tal erakordselt hea ligipääs andmetele, mis kõnelevad õnnelikkusest ja rahulolust. Oma esinemises jagab ta kuulajaga teadusuuringu kolme kõige olulisemat järeldust koos aegade jooksul kinnitust leidnud soovitustega rahuldustpakkuva, pika ja õnneliku elu kujundamiseks.
Robert Waldinger - Psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Zen priest
Robert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. Full bio
Robert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
What keeps us healthy and happy
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Mis on see, mis meid elu jooksul hoiab
00:15
as we go through life?
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hea tervise juures ja õnnelikena?
00:18
If you were going to invest now
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Kui peaksid praegu enda jaoks tegema midagi,
00:21
in your future best self,
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mis tagaks parima käekäigu tulevikus,
00:23
where would you put your time
and your energy?
and your energy?
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siis kuhu oma aega ja energiat investeeriksid?
Hiljuti viidi milleeniumi põlvkonna seas läbi uuring, kus küsiti,
00:27
There was a recent survey of millennials
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00:29
asking them what their
most important life goals were,
most important life goals were,
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mis on nende jaoks elus kõige olulisemad
eesmärgid.
eesmärgid.
00:34
and over 80 percent said
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Üle 80% vastasid,
00:36
that a major life goal for them
was to get rich.
was to get rich.
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et nende jaoks on elus kõige olulisem
saada rikkaks.
00:40
And another 50 percent
of those same young adults
of those same young adults
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Ja tervelt 50% nendest samadest noortest vastasid,
00:45
said that another major life goal
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et teiseks oluliseks eesmärgiks elus
00:47
was to become famous.
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on saada kuulsaks.
00:50
(Laughter)
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(Naer)
00:52
And we're constantly told
to lean in to work, to push harder
to lean in to work, to push harder
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Ja meile räägitakse pidevalt, kui oluline on
pühenduda tööle, pingutada kõvemini
pühenduda tööle, pingutada kõvemini
00:58
and achieve more.
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ning saavutada üha rohkem.
01:00
We're given the impression that these
are the things that we need to go after
are the things that we need to go after
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Meile jäetakse mulje, et just need on asjad,
mille suunas tuleks püüelda,
mille suunas tuleks püüelda,
et elada täisväärtuslikku elu.
01:04
in order to have a good life.
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Terviklikku pilti elukäikudest,
01:06
Pictures of entire lives,
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01:08
of the choices that people make
and how those choices work out for them,
and how those choices work out for them,
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ülevaadet valikutest, mida inimesed teevad
ning kuidas need valikud elukäiku määravad,
01:13
those pictures
are almost impossible to get.
are almost impossible to get.
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sellist ülevaadet on peaaegu võimatu saavutada.
01:18
Most of what we know about human life
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Enamus sellest, mida me erinevate elukäikude kohta teame,
01:21
we know from asking people
to remember the past,
to remember the past,
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pärineb inimeste mälestustest.
01:24
and as we know, hindsight
is anything but 20/20.
is anything but 20/20.
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Kuid nagu me kõik teame, ei pruugi tagantjärele mälu alati väga täpne olla.
01:29
We forget vast amounts
of what happens to us in life,
of what happens to us in life,
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Kipume paljud asjad unustama
01:33
and sometimes memory
is downright creative.
is downright creative.
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ning vahetevahel võib mälu olla üsna loominguline.
01:36
But what if we could watch entire lives
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Kuid mis oleks, kui saaksime jälgida inimeste elukäike tervikuna
01:41
as they unfold through time?
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täpselt nii nagu need läbi aastate kulgesid?
01:44
What if we could study people
from the time that they were teenagers
from the time that they were teenagers
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Mis oleks, kui saaks jälgida inimeste elukäiku alates varasest noorusest
01:48
all the way into old age
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kuni vanaduspõlveni välja?
01:50
to see what really keeps people
happy and healthy?
happy and healthy?
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Kui saaksime teada, mis on tegelikult
õnneliku ja tervelt elatud elu saladus?
õnneliku ja tervelt elatud elu saladus?
01:55
We did that.
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Just seda me tegimegi.
01:57
The Harvard Study of Adult Development
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Harvardi uuring täiskasvanute arengu kohta
01:59
may be the longest study
of adult life that's ever been done.
of adult life that's ever been done.
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on ehk kõige pikaajalisem täiskasvanuid käsitlev uuring, mis kunagi tehtud.
02:05
For 75 years, we've tracked
the lives of 724 men,
the lives of 724 men,
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75 aasta jooksul oleme jälginud
724 mehe elukäiku.
724 mehe elukäiku.
02:13
year after year, asking about their work,
their home lives, their health,
their home lives, their health,
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Aasta aasta järel on neid küsitletud töö,
eraelu ja tervise kohta,
eraelu ja tervise kohta,
02:17
and of course asking all along the way
without knowing how their life stories
without knowing how their life stories
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kogu selle aja jooksul teadmata, kuidas nende elud tegelikult lähevad.
02:22
were going to turn out.
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02:25
Studies like this are exceedingly rare.
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Sellised uuringud on erakordselt
haruldased.
haruldased.
02:28
Almost all projects of this kind
fall apart within a decade
fall apart within a decade
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Peaaegu kõik sarnased projektid jäävad
peale esimest kümmet aastat soiku,
peale esimest kümmet aastat soiku,
02:33
because too many people
drop out of the study,
drop out of the study,
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sest liiga paljud algsest grupist jäävad eemale,
02:36
or funding for the research dries up,
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või saab rahastus otsa
02:39
or the researchers get distracted,
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või raugeb teadlaste huvi, või nad surevad ära
02:41
or they die, and nobody moves the ball
further down the field.
further down the field.
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ning ei ole kedagi, kes uurimistööd edasi viiks.
02:46
But through a combination of luck
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Kuid tänu heale õnnele ning mitme põlvkonna teadlaste järjepidevusele
02:48
and the persistence
of several generations of researchers,
of several generations of researchers,
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on see uuring jäänud kestma.
02:52
this study has survived.
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Umbes 60 meie algsest 724 mehest
02:54
About 60 of our original 724 men
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02:59
are still alive,
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on tänaseni elus
03:00
still participating in the study,
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ning osalevad siiani selles uuringus.
03:02
most of them in their 90s.
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Enamik neist on juba 90ndates aastates.
03:05
And we are now beginning to study
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Praeguseks oleme võtnud ette nende meeste
03:07
the more than 2,000 children of these men.
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enam kui 2000 järeltulija uurimise.
03:11
And I'm the fourth director of the study.
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Mina olen selle teadusuuringu neljas juht.
03:15
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives
of two groups of men.
of two groups of men.
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Alates 1938. aastast oleme jälginud
kahte gruppi erineva taustaga mehi.
kahte gruppi erineva taustaga mehi.
03:20
The first group started in the study
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Esimene grupp mehi kaasati uuringusse siis,
03:22
when they were sophomores
at Harvard College.
at Harvard College.
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kui nad alustasid õpiguid Harvardi Ülikoolis.
03:25
They all finished college
during World War II,
during World War II,
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Kõik nad lõpetasid kooli
II maailmasõja ajal
II maailmasõja ajal
03:27
and then most went off
to serve in the war.
to serve in the war.
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ning seejärel läks enamus neist
teenima sõjaväkke.
teenima sõjaväkke.
03:31
And the second group that we've followed
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Teine grupp, keda me oleme jälginud,
03:33
was a group of boys
from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,
from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,
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olid Bostoni kõige
vaesematest piirkondadest pärit poisid.
vaesematest piirkondadest pärit poisid.
03:37
boys who were chosen for the study
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Need poisid valiti uuringusse just seetõttu,
03:39
specifically because they were
from some of the most troubled
from some of the most troubled
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et nad olid 1930ndate aastate Bostoni
03:43
and disadvantaged families
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kõige raskematest ja vaesematest peredest
03:44
in the Boston of the 1930s.
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03:47
Most lived in tenements,
many without hot and cold running water.
many without hot and cold running water.
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Enamus neist elas üürikorterites,
kus paljudel polnud ei külma ega sooja vett.
03:54
When they entered the study,
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Uuringu alguses tehti kõikide noorukitega intervjuud.
03:56
all of these teenagers were interviewed.
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03:59
They were given medical exams.
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Nad läbisid arstliku ülevaatuse.
04:01
We went to their homes
and we interviewed their parents.
and we interviewed their parents.
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Me käisime nende kodudes
ning rääkisime nende vanematega.
ning rääkisime nende vanematega.
04:05
And then these teenagers
grew up into adults
grew up into adults
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Siis kasvasid teismelistest täiskasvanud,
04:07
who entered all walks of life.
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kelle elukäigud olid väga erinevad.
04:10
They became factory workers and lawyers
and bricklayers and doctors,
and bricklayers and doctors,
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Nende seast sirgus tehasetöölisi, advokaate,
müürseppi ja arste,
müürseppi ja arste,
04:16
one President of the United States.
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samuti üks Ameerika Ühendriikide president.
04:20
Some developed alcoholism.
A few developed schizophrenia.
A few developed schizophrenia.
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Mõnedest said alkohoolikud.
Üksikuid tabas skisofreenia.
Üksikuid tabas skisofreenia.
04:25
Some climbed the social ladder
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Oli neid, kes tõusid sotsiaalsel redelil
04:27
from the bottom
all the way to the very top,
all the way to the very top,
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kõige alumiselt astmelt tippu välja.
04:30
and some made that journey
in the opposite direction.
in the opposite direction.
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Teised aga tegid läbi sama teekonna vastupidises suunas.
04:35
The founders of this study
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Selle teadusuuringu algatajad
04:38
would never in their wildest dreams
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ei oleks ka kõige pöörasemas unenäos
04:40
have imagined that I would be
standing here today, 75 years later,
standing here today, 75 years later,
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osanud ettekujutada, et täna, 75 aastat hiljem, seisan ma siin
04:45
telling you that
the study still continues.
the study still continues.
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ning räägin sellest, et see uuring ikka jätkub.
04:49
Every two years, our patient
and dedicated research staff
and dedicated research staff
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Iga kahe aasta järel võtavad meie
kannatlikud ja pühendunud teadlased
kannatlikud ja pühendunud teadlased
04:52
calls up our men
and asks them if we can send them
and asks them if we can send them
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ühendust meie meestega
ning küsivad, kas nad võiksid neile saata
ning küsivad, kas nad võiksid neile saata
04:56
yet one more set of questions
about their lives.
about their lives.
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veel ühe küsimustiku nende elukäigu kohta.
05:00
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,
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Paljud Bostoni meestest küsivad,
05:03
"Why do you keep wanting to study me?
My life just isn't that interesting."
My life just isn't that interesting."
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"Miks te tahate minu elu uurida?
See ei ole ju üldse nii huvitav."
See ei ole ju üldse nii huvitav."
05:08
The Harvard men never ask that question.
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Harvardi mehed ei küsi seda kunagi.
05:11
(Laughter)
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(Naer)
05:20
To get the clearest picture
of these lives,
of these lives,
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Et nende eludest parimat pilti saada,
05:23
we don't just send them questionnaires.
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ei saada me neile lihtsalt küsimustikke.
05:26
We interview them in their living rooms.
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Me küsitleme neid nende kodudes.
05:29
We get their medical records
from their doctors.
from their doctors.
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Me saame nende arstidelt infot
meeste tervise kohta.
meeste tervise kohta.
05:32
We draw their blood, we scan their brains,
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Me võtame nende verd, me uurime nende aju,
05:34
we talk to their children.
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me räägime nende lastega.
05:36
We videotape them talking with their wives
about their deepest concerns.
about their deepest concerns.
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Me filmime neid, kui nad räägivad oma
abikaasadele oma suurimaid muresid.
abikaasadele oma suurimaid muresid.
05:41
And when, about a decade ago,
we finally asked the wives
we finally asked the wives
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Ning kui lõpuks, nii kümne aasta eest, küsisime nende abikaasadelt,
05:45
if they would join us
as members of the study,
as members of the study,
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kas nad sooviksid samuti uuringus osaleda,
05:47
many of the women said,
"You know, it's about time."
"You know, it's about time."
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ütlesid paljud naised: "Ammu oleks juba aeg."
05:50
(Laughter)
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(Naer)
05:51
So what have we learned?
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Aga mida me oleme siis teada saanud?
05:53
What are the lessons that come
from the tens of thousands of pages
from the tens of thousands of pages
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Mida oleme õppinud tänu nendele
kümnetele tuhandetele lehekülgedele
kümnetele tuhandetele lehekülgedele
05:58
of information that we've generated
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informatsioonile, mida oleme kogunud
06:01
on these lives?
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nende elutee kohta?
06:03
Well, the lessons aren't about wealth
or fame or working harder and harder.
or fame or working harder and harder.
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Need õppetunnid ei kõnele meile rikkusest,
kuulsusest ega kõvast tööst.
kuulsusest ega kõvast tööst.
06:10
The clearest message that we get
from this 75-year study is this:
from this 75-year study is this:
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Selle 75 aastat kestnud teadusuuringu põhisõnum on järgmine:
06:16
Good relationships keep us
happier and healthier. Period.
happier and healthier. Period.
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Head inimsuhted teevad meid õnnelikuks ja hoiavad tervetena. Punkt.
06:23
We've learned three big lessons
about relationships.
about relationships.
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Inimsuhete kohta on see uuring meile õpetanud kolm väga olulist asja:
06:26
The first is that social connections
are really good for us,
are really good for us,
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Esiteks, sotsiaalsed kontaktid
teevad meile palju head,
teevad meile palju head,
06:30
and that loneliness kills.
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ning et üksindus tapab.
06:33
It turns out that people
who are more socially connected
who are more socially connected
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Tuleb välja, et inimesed, kel on
rohkem sotsiaalseid kontakte,
rohkem sotsiaalseid kontakte,
06:37
to family, to friends, to community,
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seda nii pere, sõprade kui ka kogukonnaga,
06:40
are happier, they're physically healthier,
and they live longer
and they live longer
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on õnnelikumad, füüsiliselt tervemad
ning nad elavad kauem
ning nad elavad kauem
06:45
than people who are less well connected.
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kui inimesed, kellel on vähem kontakte.
06:48
And the experience of loneliness
turns out to be toxic.
turns out to be toxic.
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Ning üksildustunne on lausa mürgise toimega.
06:51
People who are more isolated
than they want to be from others
than they want to be from others
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Inimesed, kellel on teistega vähem kontakte kui nad sooviksid,
06:57
find that they are less happy,
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tunnevad end vähem õnnelikuna,
07:00
their health declines earlier in midlife,
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nende tervis halveneb keskikka jõudes
kiiremini,
kiiremini,
07:03
their brain functioning declines sooner
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nende aju töövõime langeb kiiremini
07:05
and they live shorter lives
than people who are not lonely.
than people who are not lonely.
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ja nende eluiga on lühem kui inimestel,
kes end üksildasena ei tunne.
kes end üksildasena ei tunne.
07:10
And the sad fact
is that at any given time,
is that at any given time,
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Ja kõige kurvem tõsiasi on see,
et igal ajahetkel
et igal ajahetkel
07:13
more than one in five Americans
will report that they're lonely.
will report that they're lonely.
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tunneb rohkem kui iga viies ameeriklane
end üksildasena.
end üksildasena.
07:19
And we know that you
can be lonely in a crowd
can be lonely in a crowd
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Teame, et üksi võib end tunda
nii suures seltskonnas,
nii suures seltskonnas,
kui ka abielus,
07:21
and you can be lonely in a marriage,
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07:24
so the second big lesson that we learned
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mistõttu on teine oluline õppetund just see,
07:26
is that it's not just
the number of friends you have,
the number of friends you have,
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et oluline ei ole mitte sõprade arv
07:29
and it's not whether or not
you're in a committed relationship,
you're in a committed relationship,
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või see, kas sa oled püsivas suhtes,
07:33
but it's the quality
of your close relationships that matters.
of your close relationships that matters.
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eelkõige loeb just lähisuhete kvaliteet.
07:38
It turns out that living in the midst
of conflict is really bad for our health.
of conflict is really bad for our health.
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Tuleb välja, et konfliktide keskel elamine
on meile väga kahjulik.
on meile väga kahjulik.
07:43
High-conflict marriages, for example,
without much affection,
without much affection,
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Näiteks väga konfliktsed abielud, kus puudub hoolimine,
07:47
turn out to be very bad for our health,
perhaps worse than getting divorced.
perhaps worse than getting divorced.
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on meie tervisele väga kahjulikud,
ilmselt isegi kahjulikumad kui lahutus.
ilmselt isegi kahjulikumad kui lahutus.
07:53
And living in the midst of good,
warm relationships is protective.
warm relationships is protective.
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Ning head ja soojad lähisuhted
kaitsevad meid.
kaitsevad meid.
07:57
Once we had followed our men
all the way into their 80s,
all the way into their 80s,
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Hetkeks, mil olime mehi jälginud
juba nende 80. eluaastani,
juba nende 80. eluaastani,
08:01
we wanted to look back at them at midlife
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tahtsime uuesti heita pilku nende keskeale
08:04
and to see if we could predict
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et mõista, kas oleks võimalik ennustada,
08:05
who was going to grow
into a happy, healthy octogenarian
into a happy, healthy octogenarian
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kellest saab õnnelik ja terve vanahärra
08:09
and who wasn't.
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ning kellest mitte.
08:11
And when we gathered together
everything we knew about them
everything we knew about them
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Kui me olime pannud kokku
kõik, mis me nende kohta teadsime,
kõik, mis me nende kohta teadsime,
08:15
at age 50,
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kui nad olid 50-aastased,
08:18
it wasn't their middle age
cholesterol levels
cholesterol levels
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siis ei olnud see mitte nende tollane
kolesteroolitase,
kolesteroolitase,
08:20
that predicted how they
were going to grow old.
were going to grow old.
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mis ennustas nende käekäiku vanaduspõlves.
08:23
It was how satisfied they were
in their relationships.
in their relationships.
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Selleks oli hoopis nende rahulolu
oma lähisuhetega.
oma lähisuhetega.
08:27
The people who were the most satisfied
in their relationships at age 50
in their relationships at age 50
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Inimesed, kes 50-aastaselt olid
oma lähisuhetega kõige rohkem rahul,
oma lähisuhetega kõige rohkem rahul,
08:31
were the healthiest at age 80.
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olid 80-selt kõige tervemad.
08:35
And good, close relationships
seem to buffer us
seem to buffer us
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Head, lähedased inimsuhted
paistavad meid kaitsvat
paistavad meid kaitsvat
08:38
from some of the slings and arrows
of getting old.
of getting old.
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mõningate vananemisega kaasnevate
riskide eest.
riskide eest.
08:42
Our most happily partnered men and women
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Meie grupi kõige õnnelikumas paarisuhtes olevad
mehed ja naised,
mehed ja naised,
08:46
reported, in their 80s,
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ütlesid 80-aastastena,
08:48
that on the days
when they had more physical pain,
when they had more physical pain,
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et ka neil päevadel, kui neil kuskilt rohkem valutas,
08:51
their mood stayed just as happy.
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olid nende meel endiselt rõõmus.
08:54
But the people who were
in unhappy relationships,
in unhappy relationships,
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Kuid need, kelle paarisuhe oli ebarahuldav,
08:57
on the days when they
reported more physical pain,
reported more physical pain,
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ütlesid, et siis kui neil kuskilt valutas,
09:00
it was magnified by more emotional pain.
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võimendas emotsionaalne vaev seda valu veelgi.
09:04
And the third big lesson that we learned
about relationships and our health
about relationships and our health
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Ning kolmas oluline õppetund suhete ja tervise kohta:
09:08
is that good relationships
don't just protect our bodies,
don't just protect our bodies,
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head inimsuhted mitte ainult ei kaitse meie keha
09:12
they protect our brains.
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vaid ka meie aju.
09:14
It turns out that being
in a securely attached relationship
in a securely attached relationship
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Tuleb välja, et teise inimesega turvalises lähisuhtes olemisel
09:19
to another person in your 80s
is protective,
is protective,
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on 80-aastaste jaoks kaitsev mõju.
09:23
that the people who are in relationships
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Inimesed, kes on suhtes, kus nad tunnevad,
09:25
where they really feel they can count
on the other person in times of need,
on the other person in times of need,
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et saavad vajadusel teise abile kindlad olla,
09:29
those people's memories
stay sharper longer.
stay sharper longer.
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säilitavad kauem selge mälu.
09:32
And the people in relationships
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Ning inimesed, kes on suhtes,
09:34
where they feel they really
can't count on the other one,
can't count on the other one,
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kus nad tunnevad, et ei saa kaaslase
peale kindlad olla,
peale kindlad olla,
09:37
those are the people who experience
earlier memory decline.
earlier memory decline.
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nende mälu hakkab kiiremini taanduma.
09:42
And those good relationships,
they don't have to be smooth all the time.
they don't have to be smooth all the time.
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Hea lähisuhe ei pea alati olema ühtviisi roosiline ja probleemideta.
09:46
Some of our octogenarian couples
could bicker with each other
could bicker with each other
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Mõned meie 80-ndates paaridest
võivad alatasa üksteisega jageleda,
09:49
day in and day out,
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09:51
but as long as they felt that they
could really count on the other
could really count on the other
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kuid seni, kuni nad tunnevad,
et saavad teineteise peale kindlad olla,
et saavad teineteise peale kindlad olla,
09:54
when the going got tough,
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kui peaks mingi probleem tekkima,
09:56
those arguments didn't take a toll
on their memories.
on their memories.
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ei mõjuta need vaidlused mälu kvaliteeti.
10:01
So this message,
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Tegelikult on ju see sõnum,
10:04
that good, close relationships
are good for our health and well-being,
are good for our health and well-being,
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et lähedased inimsuhted mõjuvad positiivselt
meie tervisele ja elukvaliteedile
meie tervisele ja elukvaliteedile
10:10
this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.
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teada juba iidamast-aadamast.
10:13
Why is this so hard to get
and so easy to ignore?
and so easy to ignore?
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Miks on seda siis ometi nii raske mõista
ning nii lihtne ignoreerida?
ning nii lihtne ignoreerida?
10:17
Well, we're human.
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Seepärast, et oleme vaid inimesed.
10:19
What we'd really like is a quick fix,
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Meile ju meeldiks kiire ja lihtne lahendus,
10:21
something we can get
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midagi, mis oleks kohe käepärast,
10:23
that'll make our lives good
and keep them that way.
and keep them that way.
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mis lahendaks kõik probleemid nüüd ja igaveseks.
10:27
Relationships are messy
and they're complicated
and they're complicated
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Suhted aga kipuvad olema segased ja keerulised,
10:30
and the hard work of tending
to family and friends,
to family and friends,
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ning heade suhete hoidmine pere ja
sõpradega,
sõpradega,
10:34
it's not sexy or glamorous.
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ei ole seksikas ega glamuurne.
10:37
It's also lifelong. It never ends.
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See on kogu elu kestev töö, mis ei lõppe iial.
10:40
The people in our 75-year study
who were the happiest in retirement
who were the happiest in retirement
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Meie 75-aasta vältel uuringus osalenutest olid pensionile jäädes kõige õnnelikumad need,
10:45
were the people who had actively worked
to replace workmates with new playmates.
to replace workmates with new playmates.
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kes tegutsesid aktiivselt selle nimel,
et töökaaslased asenduksid uute mängukaaslastega.
10:51
Just like the millennials
in that recent survey,
in that recent survey,
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Samamoodi nagu hiljutises uuringus arvas milleeniumipõlvkond,
10:54
many of our men when they
were starting out as young adults
were starting out as young adults
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3616
uskusid noorena ka paljud meie mehed
10:58
really believed that fame and wealth
and high achievement
and high achievement
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et kuulsus, jõukus ja edukus on see,
11:02
were what they needed to go after
to have a good life.
to have a good life.
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mille poole tuleb hea elu nimel püüelda.
11:06
But over and over, over these 75 years,
our study has shown
our study has shown
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Kuid ikka ja jälle on me 75 aasta jooksul läbiviidud uuring tõestanud,
11:10
that the people who fared the best were
the people who leaned in to relationships,
the people who leaned in to relationships,
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et inimesed, kel läks elus kõige paremini,
olid need, kes väärtustasid suhteid
olid need, kes väärtustasid suhteid
11:16
with family, with friends, with community.
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perekonnaga, sõpradega, kogukonnaga.
11:21
So what about you?
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1976
Niisiis, kuidas on lood sinuga?
11:23
Let's say you're 25,
or you're 40, or you're 60.
or you're 40, or you're 60.
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Oletame, et sa oled 25 või 40 või 60
11:27
What might leaning in
to relationships even look like?
to relationships even look like?
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Mida üldse tähendab suhete väärtustamine?
11:31
Well, the possibilities
are practically endless.
are practically endless.
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Tõtt-öelda on võimalusi selleks lõputult.
11:35
It might be something as simple
as replacing screen time with people time
as replacing screen time with people time
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Väikesed asjad loevad. Nagu näiteks
ekraani-aja asendamine inimeste-ajaga.
ekraani-aja asendamine inimeste-ajaga.
11:41
or livening up a stale relationship
by doing something new together,
by doing something new together,
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Või soikujäänud suhte elavdamine, tehes midagi üheskoos,
11:46
long walks or date nights,
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näiteks pikad jalutuskäigud või ühine õhtu väljas,
11:49
or reaching out to that family member
who you haven't spoken to in years,
who you haven't spoken to in years,
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või ühenduse võtmine pereliikmetega,
kellega sa ei ole juba aastaid rääkinud,
kellega sa ei ole juba aastaid rääkinud,
11:54
because those all-too-common family feuds
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sest kõik need igapäevased peretülid
11:57
take a terrible toll
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mõjuvad laastavalt
12:00
on the people who hold the grudges.
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nendele, kes kannavad vimma.
12:04
I'd like to close with a quote
from Mark Twain.
from Mark Twain.
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Tahaksin lõpetada ühe tsitaadiga Mark Twainilt.
12:09
More than a century ago,
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Enam kui saja aasta eest
12:11
he was looking back on his life,
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vaatas ta tagasi oma elule
12:14
and he wrote this:
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ja kirjutas nõnda:
12:16
"There isn't time, so brief is life,
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"Aega ei ole, elu on üürike,
12:20
for bickerings, apologies,
heartburnings, callings to account.
heartburnings, callings to account.
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nääklemiste, vabanduste,
kadeduse, arupärimiste jaoks.
kadeduse, arupärimiste jaoks.
12:26
There is only time for loving,
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Aeg on vaid armastuse jaoks,
12:29
and but an instant,
so to speak, for that."
so to speak, for that."
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kuid seda on,
kui nii võib öelda, vaid üürike hetk."
kui nii võib öelda, vaid üürike hetk."
12:34
The good life is built
with good relationships.
with good relationships.
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Hea elu tugineb headele suhetele.
12:39
Thank you.
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Aitäh!
12:40
(Applause)
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(Aplaus)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Robert Waldinger - Psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Zen priestRobert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history.
Why you should listen
Robert Waldinger is a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and Zen priest. He is Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and directs the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies of adult life ever done. The Study tracked the lives of two groups of men for over 75 years, and it now follows their Baby Boomer children to understand how childhood experience reaches across decades to affect health and wellbeing in middle age. He writes about what science and Zen can teach us about healthy human development.
Dr. Waldinger is the author of numerous scientific papers as well as two books. He teaches medical students and psychiatry residents at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, and he is a Senior Dharma Teacher in Boundless Way Zen.
To keep abreast of research findings, insights and more, visit robertwaldinger.com.
Robert Waldinger | Speaker | TED.com