TEDWomen 2016
Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan: A queer vision of love and marriage
Tiq Milan in Kim Katrin Milan: Ljubezen, ki nama dopušča, da sva taka, kot sva.
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Readability: 4
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Ljubezen je orodje za revolucionarno spremembo in pot k vključitvi in razumevanju za LGBTQ+ skupnost. Poročena aktivista Tiq and Kim Katrin Milan sta si zamislila svoj zakon - kot transspolen moški in cisspolna ženska - kot model možnosti za ljudi vseh vrst. Z nalezljivim veseljem Tiq in Kim podvomita v naše napačne predstave o tem, kdo sta in ponudita vizijo vključujoče ljubezni, polne izzivov, ki raste dan za dnem.
Tiq Milan - Transgender activist
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love. Full bioKim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities. Full bio
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love. Full bioKim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
Tiq Milan: Our first conversation
was on Facebook,
was on Facebook,
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Tiq Milan: Prvič sva govorila
na Facebook-u,
na Facebook-u,
00:15
and it was three days long.
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in trajalo je tri dni.
00:17
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
00:19
We shared over 3,000 messages between us,
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Izmenjala sva si več kot 3.000 sporočil
00:21
and it was during those 72 hours
that I knew she was going to be my wife.
that I knew she was going to be my wife.
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in v tistih 72 urah sem se zavedel,
da bo ona moja žena.
da bo ona moja žena.
00:26
We didn't wait any prerequisite
amount of time for our courtship;
amount of time for our courtship;
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Nisva si vzela nič časa
v najinem snubljenju;
v najinem snubljenju;
00:29
we told each other
the vulnerable truths up front:
the vulnerable truths up front:
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takoj sva si razkrila ranljivo resnico:
00:32
I am a transgender man,
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Sem trans moški,
00:33
which means the F on my birth
certificate should have stood for "False,"
certificate should have stood for "False,"
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kar pomeni, da bi Ž na rojstnem listu
moral pomeniti "Žal, napaka"
moral pomeniti "Žal, napaka"
00:37
instead of "Female."
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namesto "Ženska."
00:38
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
00:39
Walking around as a woman in the world
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Ko sem po svetu hodil kot ženska,
00:41
felt like walking with
pebbles in my shoes.
pebbles in my shoes.
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sem se počutil,
kot da hodim s kamni v čevljih.
kot da hodim s kamni v čevljih.
00:44
It took the rhythm out of my swagger,
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Vzelo je ritem moji hoji,
metalo me je iz ravnotežja,
00:46
it threw me off balance,
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00:47
it pained me with every step
I took forward.
I took forward.
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vsak korak, ki sem ga naredil,
je bil boleč.
je bil boleč.
00:49
But today I'm a man of my own intention;
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A danes sem sam svoj moški,
00:52
a man of my own design.
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moški, kot si sam želim.
00:54
Kim Katrin Milan: I am
a cisgender queer woman.
a cisgender queer woman.
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Kim Katrin Milan: Jaz sem
cisspolna kvir ženska.
cisspolna kvir ženska.
00:57
Cisgender means the gender
I was assigned at birth
I was assigned at birth
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Cisspolna pomeni,
da je bil moj spol ob rojstvu
da je bil moj spol ob rojstvu
00:59
is still and has always been female.
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in je še vedno, ženska.
01:02
This doesn't make me natural or normal,
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Zaradi tega nisem naravna ali normalna,
01:05
this is just one way of describing
the many different ways
the many different ways
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to je samo eden izmed načinov
opisa različnih načinov,
opisa različnih načinov,
01:08
that we exist in this world.
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na katere obstajamo v tem svetu.
01:10
And queer is a cultural term,
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Kvir je kulturološki izraz,
01:12
but in this case,
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a v tem primeru se nanaša na to, da me
pri izbiri partnerja ne omejuje spol.
pri izbiri partnerja ne omejuje spol.
01:13
it refers to the way that I'm not
restricted by gender
restricted by gender
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01:15
when it comes to choosing partners.
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Na več načinov sem se identificirala -
01:17
I've identified in a few different ways --
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kot biseksualka, kot lezbijka -
01:19
as a bisexual, as a lesbian --
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01:21
but for me,
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a zame kvirnost zajema vse plasti tega,
kar sem in kako ljubim.
kar sem in kako ljubim.
01:22
queerness encompasses all of the layers
of who I am and how I've loved.
of who I am and how I've loved.
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01:27
I'm layers, and not fractions.
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Sem v plasteh in ne v kosih.
01:30
And for me,
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In zame je dejstvo, da je bil kvir,
01:31
the fact that he was queer
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pomenilo, da sem temu snubljenju
lahko zaupala že od začetka.
lahko zaupala že od začetka.
01:32
meant that I could trust his courtship
from the very beginning.
from the very beginning.
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01:36
As queer and trans people,
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Kot kvir in trans ljudje,
01:37
we're so often excluded
from institutions and traditions.
from institutions and traditions.
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smo pogosto izključeni
iz institucij in tradicij.
iz institucij in tradicij.
01:41
We create spaces outside of convention,
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Prostore zase ustvarjamo izven običajnega,
01:44
including the conventions of time.
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vključno s časom.
01:46
And in those 3,000 messages between us,
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In v tistih 3.000 sporočilih med nama,
01:49
we collapsed time;
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sva zrušila čas,
01:51
we queered it;
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"pokvirala" sva ga,
01:52
we laid it all on the table.
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vse sva položila na mizo.
01:54
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
01:55
With no pretense at all.
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Brez pretvarjanja.
01:57
And this meant that we were able
to commit to each other
to commit to each other
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Kar je pomenilo, da sva se lahko
predala drug drugemu
predala drug drugemu
02:00
in a profoundly different way.
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na korenito drugačen način.
02:02
So often what we're told is this idea
of the "Golden Rule,"
of the "Golden Rule,"
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Pogosto slišimo o tej ideji
"Zlatega pravila,"
"Zlatega pravila,"
02:06
that we should treat other people
the way we want to be treated.
the way we want to be treated.
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da bi morali z drugimi ravnati,
kot želimo, da bi oni z nami.
kot želimo, da bi oni z nami.
02:10
But the problem with that
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A problem tega je,
02:11
is that it assumes that we are
the standard for other people,
the standard for other people,
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da predvidevamo, da smo
mi standard za druge, ampak nismo.
mi standard za druge, ampak nismo.
02:14
and we're not.
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Z drugimi moramo
ravnati tako, kot si oni želijo,
ravnati tako, kot si oni želijo,
02:15
We need to treat other people
the way they want to be treated,
the way they want to be treated,
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kar pomeni, da moramo vprašati.
02:19
which means we had to ask.
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02:21
I couldn't assume that the kind
of love that Tiq needed
of love that Tiq needed
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Nisem mogla vedeti,
da je ljubezen, ki jo Tiq potrebuje,
da je ljubezen, ki jo Tiq potrebuje,
enake vrste, kot sem jo potrebovala jaz.
02:23
was the same kind of love that I needed.
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Zato sem ga vprašala vse -
o njegovih strahovih, negotovostih -
o njegovih strahovih, negotovostih -
02:25
So I asked him everything --
about his fears, his insecurities --
about his fears, his insecurities --
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02:30
and we started from there.
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in od tam sva začela.
02:31
TM: I didn't know what
kind of love I needed.
kind of love I needed.
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TM: Nisem vedel, kakšno
ljubezen potrebujem.
ljubezen potrebujem.
02:34
I had just come out of a year-long fog
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Prišel sem iz leta dolgega,
meglenega obdobja,
meglenega obdobja,
02:36
of being rejected and utterly depleted.
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v katerem sem bil zavrnjen
in popolnoma izčrpan.
in popolnoma izčrpan.
02:38
I had someone look me in my eyes
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Nekdo me je pogledal v oči
02:40
and tell me that I was unworthy
of their love because I was trans.
of their love because I was trans.
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in mi rekel, da sem nevreden
njihove ljubezni, ker sem trans.
njihove ljubezni, ker sem trans.
02:44
And there's a culture of lovelessness
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Obstaja neka kultura brez ljubezni,
ki smo jo ustvarili okrog
transspolnih ljudi.
transspolnih ljudi.
02:46
that we've created around
transgender people.
transgender people.
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02:48
It's reasoned, justified
and often signed into law.
and often signed into law.
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Opravičujemo jo z razumom
in pogosto uzakonimo,
in pogosto uzakonimo,
02:51
And I was a heartbeat away
from internalizing that message,
from internalizing that message,
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in bil sem le malce stran
od ponotranjenja tega sporočila,
od ponotranjenja tega sporočila,
02:54
that I wasn't worthy.
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da nisem vreden.
A Kim je rekla, da sem bil popoln -
02:56
But Kim said that I was her ideal --
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ta zmeda z zlomljenim srcem.
02:58
the heartbroken mess that I was.
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(Smeh)
02:59
(Laughter)
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03:01
KKM: He totally was my ideal.
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KKM: Res je bil popoln zame.
03:03
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:04
In more ways than one.
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Na več načinov.
03:05
Both poets, writers, creatives
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Oba sva pesnika, pisatelja, ustvarjalca,
03:08
with a long history
of community work behind us,
of community work behind us,
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z dolgo zgodovino dela
za skupnost za nama
za skupnost za nama
03:10
and big, huge dreams
of a family in front of us,
of a family in front of us,
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in velikimi, ogromnimi sanjami
o družini pred nama.
o družini pred nama.
03:13
we shared a lot of things in common,
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Veliko sva imela skupnega,
a bila sva prav tako različna.
03:15
but we were also incredibly different.
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03:17
I've been a lifelong traveler
and a bit of an orphan,
and a bit of an orphan,
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Jaz sem bila celo življenje
popotnica in malo sirota,
popotnica in malo sirota,
03:20
whereas he comes from a huge family,
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medtem ko je on iz velike družine
03:22
and definitely stays grounded.
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in definitivno z nogami trdno na tleh.
03:24
I often kind of sum up
the differences in our strengths
the differences in our strengths
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Pogosto povzamem najine razlike,
03:27
by saying, "Keep me safe,
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rekoč: "Ti poskrbi, da bom varna,
jaz pa, da boš divji."
jaz pa, da boš divji."
03:28
and I'll keep you wild."
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03:30
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:34
TM: We have marginalized identities
but we don't live marginalized lives.
but we don't live marginalized lives.
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TM : Najini identiteti sta obrobni,
a midva ne živiva življenj na robu.
a midva ne živiva življenj na robu.
03:39
Being queer and trans is about creating
new ways of existing.
new ways of existing.
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Biti kvir in trans pomeni ustvarjati
nove valove obstoja.
nove valove obstoja.
03:42
It's about loving people as they are,
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Pomeni ljubiti ljudi, take kot so,
03:44
not as they're supposed to be.
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ne kot bi morali biti.
03:46
Kim is unapologetically feminine
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Kim se ne opravičuje za svojo ženstvenost
03:48
in a world that is often cruel and violent
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v svetu, ki je pogosto krut in nasilen
03:51
to women who are
too proud and too freeing.
too proud and too freeing.
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do žensk, ki so preveč
ponosne in osvobojene.
ponosne in osvobojene.
03:53
And I didn't enter into this union
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In jaz nisem šel v to zvezo
03:55
under the auspices that she
was going to be my helper or my rib,
was going to be my helper or my rib,
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zato, da bila ona
moja pomočnica ali moje rebro,
moja pomočnica ali moje rebro,
03:58
but a fully complex --
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ampak kompleksna -
04:00
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:01
KKM: Right? That's not right.
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KKM: Kajne? To ni prav.
TM: Ampak kompleksen človek,
04:04
TM: But a fully complex human being
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katerega ženstvenost ni tu, da jo
prevladam, nadzorujem ali kritiziram.
prevladam, nadzorujem ali kritiziram.
04:05
whose femininity wasn't for me
to reign in, control or critique.
to reign in, control or critique.
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04:09
It's her brilliance,
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To je njena briljantnost,
04:10
the way she leads with compassion,
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kako vodi s sočutjem
04:12
and how she never loses
sight of her empathy.
sight of her empathy.
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in kako nikoli ne izgubi svoje empatije.
04:14
She has been my hero since day one.
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Moj heroj je že od prvega dne.
(Aplavz)
04:18
(Applause)
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04:21
KKM: Our relationship has always been
about setting each other free.
about setting each other free.
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KKM: V najinem razmerju sva od nekdaj
osvobajala drug drugega.
osvobajala drug drugega.
04:25
One of the first questions I asked him
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Eno izmed prvih mojih vprašanj je bilo,
04:27
was what dreams he had left to accomplish,
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katere sanje si še želi uresničiti
in kako naj mu pomagam pri tem.
04:29
and how would I help him get there.
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04:31
His dreams to live as a poet,
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Njegove sanje živeti kot pesnik,
04:33
to adopt and raise a family together,
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posvojiti in skupaj vzgajati družino,
04:35
to live a life that he was proud of,
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živeti ponosno življenje,
04:37
and one that would live up to
his mother's incredible legacy.
his mother's incredible legacy.
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ki bi dosegalo neverjetno
zapuščino njegove matere.
zapuščino njegove matere.
04:41
And I really appreciated that we
were able to start from that place,
were able to start from that place,
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In res sem hvaležna, da sva začela tako
04:44
and not from a place
that was around figuring out
that was around figuring out
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in ne, ko bi še ugotavljala,
04:47
how to make each other work together.
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kako sploh biti drug z drugim.
04:49
And I think this really allowed us
to grow into the people that we were
to grow into the people that we were
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Menim, da nama je to omogočilo
zrasti v človeka, kot sva danes,
zrasti v človeka, kot sva danes,
04:53
in a way that was incredibly different.
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na neverjetno drugačen način.
04:55
I love him whole;
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Celega ga ljubim;
04:57
pre-transition, now and in the future.
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pred spremembo, sedaj in v prihodnosti.
04:59
And it's this love that had us
committed to each other
committed to each other
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In to je ljubezen, zaradi
katere sva si bila predana,
katere sva si bila predana,
05:02
before we'd even seen each other's faces.
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preden sva sploh videla
obraz drug drugega.
obraz drug drugega.
05:06
TM: My mother's biggest
concern when I transitioned
concern when I transitioned
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TM: Največja skrb moje mame
po moji tranziciji
po moji tranziciji
05:09
was who was going to love me as I am.
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je bila, kdo me bo ljubil takega, kot sem.
05:11
Had being transgender somehow
precluded me from love and monogamy
precluded me from love and monogamy
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Mi je dejstvo, da sem transspolen,
nekako onemogočalo ljubezen in monogamijo,
nekako onemogočalo ljubezen in monogamijo,
05:17
because I was supposedly
born in the wrong body?
born in the wrong body?
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ker naj bi se rodil v napačnem telesu?
05:20
But it's this type of structuring
that has to be reframed
that has to be reframed
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A take vrste strukturiranje
moramo spremeniti,
moramo spremeniti,
05:23
in order to let love in.
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da spustimo noter ljubezen.
05:25
My body never betrayed me,
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Moje telo me ni nikoli izdalo
05:27
and my body was never wrong.
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in moje telo ni bilo nikoli napačno.
05:29
It's this restrictive,
binary thinking on gender
binary thinking on gender
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Krivo je to restriktivno,
binarno pojmovanje spola
binarno pojmovanje spola
05:32
that said that I didn't exist.
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ki je reklo, da ne obstajam.
05:34
But when we met,
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A ko sva se srečala,
05:35
she loved me for exactly how I showed up.
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me je ljubila takega, kot sem bil.
05:38
She would trace her fingers
along the numb keloid scars
along the numb keloid scars
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S prsti je šla čez neobčutljive
keloidne brazgotine,
keloidne brazgotine,
05:41
left by my top surgery.
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ki jih je pustila operacija.
05:42
Scars that run from the middle of my chest
all the way out to my outer torso.
all the way out to my outer torso.
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Brazgotine, ki potekajo od sredine
mojega prsnega koša vse do roba.
mojega prsnega koša vse do roba.
05:46
She said that these were
reminders of my strength
reminders of my strength
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Rekla je, da so to opomniki moje moči
05:49
and everything that I went through
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in vsega, kar sem prestal
in da se nimam ničesar sramovati.
05:51
and nothing for me to be ashamed of.
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Tako je bilo dirjanje z njo v zakon
najbolj kvir stvar, ki sem jo naredil.
najbolj kvir stvar, ki sem jo naredil.
05:53
So sprinting towards her hand in marriage
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05:55
was the queerest thing that I could do.
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(Smeh)
05:57
(Laughter)
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05:59
It flew in the face of more
conventional trajectories
conventional trajectories
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Šlo je stran od ustaljenih tirnic
06:02
of love and relationships,
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ljubezni in razmerij,
06:04
because God was never supposed
to bless a union for folks like us,
to bless a union for folks like us,
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ker bog naj ne bi blagoslovil
zveze, kot je najina,
zveze, kot je najina,
06:07
and the law was never
supposed to recognize it.
supposed to recognize it.
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in zakon naj je nikoli ne bi prepoznal.
06:10
KKM: So on May 5, 2014,
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KKM: 5. maja 2014,
06:14
just about three months
after meeting online,
after meeting online,
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samo 3 mesece po tem,
ko sva se spoznala na spletu,
ko sva se spoznala na spletu,
06:17
we were married on the steps
of City Hall in Manhattan,
of City Hall in Manhattan,
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sva se poročila na stopnicah
mestne hiše v Manhattnu
mestne hiše v Manhattnu
06:21
and it was beautiful
in every conceivable way.
in every conceivable way.
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in bilo je lepo na vse možne načine.
06:25
It's safe to say that we
reimagined some traditions,
reimagined some traditions,
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Lahko rečemo, da sva si na novo
zamislila nekatere tradicije,
zamislila nekatere tradicije,
06:29
but we also kept some old ones
that we worked in,
that we worked in,
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a obdržala tudi nekatere stare,
jih vključila
jih vključila
06:31
and we created something
that worked for us.
that worked for us.
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in ustvarila nekaj, kar nama je ustrezalo.
06:34
My bouquet and corsage was actually filled
with wildflowers from Brooklyn --
with wildflowers from Brooklyn --
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Moj šopek in zapestnica sta bila
polna divjih rož iz Brooklyna -
polna divjih rož iz Brooklyna -
06:39
also added in a little bit of lavender
and sage to keep us grounded
and sage to keep us grounded
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z dodatkom sivke in
janeža za prizemljitev,
janeža za prizemljitev,
06:43
because we were so nervous.
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ker sva bila tako nervozna.
06:45
And it was put together by a sweet
sister healer friend of ours.
sister healer friend of ours.
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Sestavila ga je najina
prijateljica zdravilka.
prijateljica zdravilka.
06:48
I never wanted a diamond ring,
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Nisem si želela diamantnega prstana, ker
konflikti in konvencionalnost niso zame,
konflikti in konvencionalnost niso zame,
06:50
because conflict and convention
are not my thing,
are not my thing,
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zato je moj prstan vijolične barve,
06:52
so my ring is the deepest purple,
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06:54
like the color of my crown chakra,
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kot je barva moje najvišje čakre
06:56
and set in place with my birthstones.
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in vstavljena v prstan
s kamni mojega rojstva.
s kamni mojega rojstva.
06:59
The gift of queerness is options.
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Darilo kvirnosti so možnosti.
07:01
I never had to choose his last name,
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Ni mi bilo treba izbrati
njegovega priimka, nikoli ni bilo izjema,
njegovega priimka, nikoli ni bilo izjema,
07:03
it was never an exception,
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07:04
but I did because I am
my father's bastard child,
my father's bastard child,
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ampak sem ga, ker sem
nezakonski otrok mojega očeta,
nezakonski otrok mojega očeta,
07:08
someone who has always been
an apology, a secret, an imposition.
an apology, a secret, an imposition.
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nekdo, ki je bil vedno opravičilo,
skrivnost, breme.
skrivnost, breme.
07:12
And it was incredibly freeing
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In bilo je neverjetno osvobajajoče
07:14
to choose the name of a man
who chose me first.
who chose me first.
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izbrati ime človeka, ki me je izbral prvi.
07:17
(Applause)
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(Aplavz)
07:24
TM: So we told some family
and some close friends,
and some close friends,
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TM: Tako sva povedala družini
in nekaterim bližnjim,
in nekaterim bližnjim,
07:27
many of whom were still in disbelief
as we took our vows.
as we took our vows.
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mnogi izmed njih še vedno presenečeni,
ko sva si izmenjala zaobljube.
ko sva si izmenjala zaobljube.
07:32
Fittingly, we posted all of our wedding
photos on Facebook,
photos on Facebook,
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Seveda sva objavila vse najine
poročne fotografije na Facebooku,
poročne fotografije na Facebooku,
07:35
where we met --
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kjer sva se spoznala -
07:36
and Instagram, of course.
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in tudi na Instagramu, seveda.
07:38
And we quickly realized
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In hitro sva ugotovila,
07:40
that our coming together was more
than just a union of two people,
than just a union of two people,
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da je bilo najino združenje
več kot samo unija dveh ljudi,
več kot samo unija dveh ljudi,
07:43
but was a model of possibility
for the millions of LGBTQ folks
for the millions of LGBTQ folks
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ampak model možnosti
za milijone LGBTQ-jevcev,
za milijone LGBTQ-jevcev,
07:47
who have been sold this lie
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ki so jim prodali to laž,
07:48
that family and matrimony
is antithetical to who they are --
is antithetical to who they are --
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da sta družina in zakon
njihovo nasprotje -
njihovo nasprotje -
07:51
for those of us
who rarely get to see ourselves
who rarely get to see ourselves
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za tiste izmed nas, ki se redko vidimo
07:54
reflected in love and happiness.
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v ljubezni in sreči.
07:56
KKM: And the thing is,
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KKM: In veste,
07:57
absolutely we are marginalized
because of our identities,
because of our identities,
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seveda sva marginalizirana
zaradi najinih identitet,
zaradi najinih identitet,
08:00
but it also emboldens us
to be the people that we are.
to be the people that we are.
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a to naju tudi opogumlja,
da sva taka kot sva.
da sva taka kot sva.
08:04
Queerness is our major key;
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Kvirnost je najina bit,
08:05
blackness is our magic.
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temnopoltost pa najina magija.
08:07
It's because of these things
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In zato
08:09
that we are able to be hopeful, open,
receptive and shape-shifting.
receptive and shape-shifting.
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sva lahko polna upanja, odprta
in spreminjajoča se.
in spreminjajoča se.
08:14
These are the things that give us,
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To so stvari, ki nama dajejo,
08:16
and are such an incredible
source of, our strength.
source of, our strength.
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in so tak neverjeten vir moči.
08:19
Our queerness is a source
of that strength.
of that strength.
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Najina kvirnost je vir te moči.
08:21
I think of the words of Ottawa-based
poet Brandon Wint:
poet Brandon Wint:
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Mislim na besede pesnika
iz Ottawe, Brandona Winta:
iz Ottawe, Brandona Winta:
08:25
"Not queer like gay;
queer like escaping definition.
queer like escaping definition.
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"Ne kvir kot gej;
kvir kot izmikajoč se definiciji.
kvir kot izmikajoč se definiciji.
08:29
Queer like some sort of fluidity
and limitlessness all at once.
and limitlessness all at once.
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Kvir kot fluidnost
in brezmejnost, vse naenkrat.
in brezmejnost, vse naenkrat.
08:33
Queer like a freedom
too strange to be conquered.
too strange to be conquered.
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Kvir kot svoboda, preveč čudna,
da bi bila premagana.
da bi bila premagana.
08:36
Queer like the fearlessness
to imagine what love can look like,
to imagine what love can look like,
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Kvir kot neustrašnost si predstavljati,
kaj je lahko ljubezen,
kaj je lahko ljubezen,
08:40
and to pursue it."
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in njeno iskanje."
08:42
TM: We are part of a community of folks --
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TM: Sva del skupnosti ljudi -
08:44
Yeah, that's good right?
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To je bilo dobro, ne?
08:45
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
08:48
We are part of a community of folks
who are living their authentic selves
who are living their authentic selves
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Sva del skupnosti ljudi,
ki živijo avtentično,
ki živijo avtentično,
08:52
all along the gender spectrum,
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2015
po vsem spektru spola,
08:54
despite the ubiquitous threat of violence,
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kljub grožnjam z nasiljem,
08:57
despite the undercurrent of anxiety
that always is present
that always is present
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kljub spodaj ležeči anksioznosti,
ki je vedno prisotna
ki je vedno prisotna
09:00
for people who live on their own terms.
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pri ljudeh, ki živijo po svoje.
09:02
Globally, a transgender person
is murdered every 21 hours.
is murdered every 21 hours.
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Po svetu je vsakih 21 ur
ubita ena transspolna oseba.
ubita ena transspolna oseba.
09:07
And the United States has had more
trans murders on record this year
trans murders on record this year
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In v Združenih državah so letos zabeležili
več umorov trans oseb
več umorov trans oseb
09:13
than any year to date.
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kot katerokoli leto do zdaj.
09:15
However, our stories are much more
than this rigid dichotomy
than this rigid dichotomy
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A naše zgodbe so toliko
več kot ta rigidna dihotomija
več kot ta rigidna dihotomija
09:19
of strength and resilience.
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moči in vzdržljivosti.
09:20
We are expanding the human
complexity on these margins,
complexity on these margins,
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Človeško kompleksnost
razširjamo na teh obrobjih
razširjamo na teh obrobjih
09:24
and we are creating freedom
on these margins.
on these margins.
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in ustvarjamo svobodo na teh obrobjih.
09:28
KKM: And we don't have any blueprints.
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KKM: In nimamo nobenih predhodnih navodil.
09:30
We're creating a world
that we have literally never seen before;
that we have literally never seen before;
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Ustvarjamo svet, ki ga dobesedno
nismo še nikoli videli;
nismo še nikoli videli;
09:34
organizing families based
on love and not by blood,
on love and not by blood,
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ustvarjamo družine osnovane na ljubezni
in ne sorodstvenih vezeh,
in ne sorodstvenih vezeh,
09:38
guiding by a compassion that so few of us
have been shown ourselves.
have been shown ourselves.
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vodimo s sočutjem, ki smo ga
prejeli le redki izmed nas.
prejeli le redki izmed nas.
09:42
So many of us have not received
love from our families --
love from our families --
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Mnogi izmed nas nismo prejeli
ljubezni naših družin -
ljubezni naših družin -
09:46
have been betrayed by the people
that we trust most.
that we trust most.
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izdali so nas ljudje,
ki smo jih najbolj zaupali.
ki smo jih najbolj zaupali.
09:49
So what we do here is we create
entirely new languages of love.
entirely new languages of love.
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Tako tu ustvarjava popolnoma
nove jezike ljubezni.
nove jezike ljubezni.
09:54
Ones that are about creating the space
for us to be our authentic selves
for us to be our authentic selves
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Taki, ki ustvarjajo prostore
za nas, kjer smo lahko to, kar smo,
za nas, kjer smo lahko to, kar smo,
09:58
and not imposing this standard
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in ne vsiljujemo standarda,
10:00
of what masculinity or femininity
is supposed to be.
is supposed to be.
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kaj naj bi bila moškost in ženstvenost.
10:04
TM: We are interested
in love and inclusion
in love and inclusion
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TM: Zanima naju ideja
ljubezni in vključenosti
ljubezni in vključenosti
10:07
as a tool of revolutionary change, right?
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kot orodij za revolucionarno
spremembo, kajne?
spremembo, kajne?
10:10
And the idea is simply,
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In preprosta ideja je,
10:11
if we drop all our preconceived notions
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da če izgubimo predhodne predstave
10:13
about how somebody is supposed to be --
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o tem, kakšen naj bi nekdo bil -
10:16
in their body, in their
gender, in their skin --
gender, in their skin --
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v svojem telesu,
v svojem spolu, svoji koži -
v svojem spolu, svoji koži -
10:19
if we take the intentional steps
to unlearn these deep-seated biases
to unlearn these deep-seated biases
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in če se namenoma poskušamo odvaditi teh
globoko zakoreninjenih predsodkov
globoko zakoreninjenih predsodkov
10:22
and create space for people
to be self-determined,
to be self-determined,
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in ustvarimo prostor za ljudi,
ki se določajo sami
ki se določajo sami
10:25
and embrace who they are,
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in sprejemajo to, kar so,
10:26
then we will definitely create a better
world than the one we were born into.
world than the one we were born into.
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potem bomo zagotovo ustvarili boljši svet,
kot je ta, v katerem smo bili rojeni.
kot je ta, v katerem smo bili rojeni.
10:30
(Applause)
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(Aplavz)
10:37
KKM: We want to mark this time in history
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KKM: Hočeva označiti
to poglavje zgodovine,
to poglavje zgodovine,
10:39
by leaving evidence of the fact
that we were here.
that we were here.
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tako, da pustiva dokaze, da sva bila tu.
10:43
We open up little windows
into our relationship
into our relationship
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Odpreva mala okna v najino razmerje,
10:46
for our community to bear witness,
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da naju opazuje najina skupnost,
10:47
and we do this because we want
to make maps to the future
to make maps to the future
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in to počneva, ker želiva narediti
zemljevide za prihodnost
zemljevide za prihodnost
10:50
and not monuments to ourselves.
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in ne spomenike za naju.
10:53
Our experience does not invalidate
other peoples' experience,
other peoples' experience,
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Najine izkušnje ne negirajo
izkušenj drugih ljudi,
izkušenj drugih ljudi,
10:57
but it should and necessarily does
complicate this idea
complicate this idea
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ampak morajo in tudi zares
zakomplicirajo idejo
zakomplicirajo idejo
11:00
of what love and marriage
are supposed to be.
are supposed to be.
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o tem, kakšna naj bi bila ljubezen
in zakon.
in zakon.
11:04
TM: OK, now for all the talking,
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TM: Ok, kljub vsemu govorjenju,
11:06
and inspiring,
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navdihu
11:08
and possibility-modeling we've done,
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in oblikovanju možnosti,
11:09
we've been nowhere near perfect.
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nisva niti malo popolna.
11:11
And we've had to hold
a mirror up to ourselves.
a mirror up to ourselves.
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In morala sva se pogledati v ogledalo.
11:14
And I saw that I wasn't
always the best listener,
always the best listener,
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Videl sem, da nisem
vedno najboljši poslušalec
vedno najboljši poslušalec
11:17
and that my ego got in the way
of our progress as a couple.
of our progress as a couple.
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in da je moj ego v napoto
najinemu napredku kot par.
najinemu napredku kot par.
11:20
And I've had to really assess
these deep-seated, sexist ideas
these deep-seated, sexist ideas
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Res sem moral pregledati vse te
globoko zakoreninjene, seksistične ideje
globoko zakoreninjene, seksistične ideje
11:23
that I've had about the value
of a woman's experience in the world.
of a woman's experience in the world.
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o tem, kakšna je vrednost
ženske izkušnje v svetu.
ženske izkušnje v svetu.
Moral sem na novo premisliti,
kaj pomeni biti v zavezništvu z mojo ženo.
kaj pomeni biti v zavezništvu z mojo ženo.
11:27
I've had to reevaluate what it means
to be in allyship with my wife.
to be in allyship with my wife.
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11:31
KKM: And I had to remind myself
of a lot of things, too.
of a lot of things, too.
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KKM: Tudi sama sem se morala opomniti
pri nekaterih stvareh.
pri nekaterih stvareh.
11:34
What it means to be hard on the issues,
256
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1984
Kaj pomeni biti nepopustljiv
pri problemih,
pri problemih,
11:36
but soft on the person.
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a usmiljen z osebo.
11:38
While we were writing this,
we got into a massive fight.
we got into a massive fight.
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Ko sva tole pisala, sva se pošteno sprla.
11:42
(Laughter)
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1777
(Smeh)
11:45
For so many different reasons,
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1918
Iz toliko različnih razlogov,
11:47
but based on the content about our values
and our lived experiences --
and our lived experiences --
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a osnovano na najinih vrednotah
in najinih izkušnjah
in najinih izkušnjah
11:52
and we were really hurt, you know?
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1748
in bila sva res prizadeta, veste?
11:53
Because what we do and how we love
puts ourselves entirely on the line.
puts ourselves entirely on the line.
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5050
Ker sva pri tem, kar počneva
in kako ljubiva, zelo izpostavljena.
in kako ljubiva, zelo izpostavljena.
11:59
But even though the fight lasted
over the course of two days --
over the course of two days --
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Pa čeprav je najin prepir trajal dva dni -
12:02
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
12:04
We were able to come back
together to each other,
together to each other,
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Sva uspela priti nazaj k drug drugemu
12:07
and recommit to ourselves,
to each other and to our marriage.
to each other and to our marriage.
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in se na novo predati sebi,
drug drugemu in najinemu zakonu.
drug drugemu in najinemu zakonu.
12:11
And that really yielded
some of the most passionate parts
some of the most passionate parts
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In to je ustvarilo nekatere
najbolj strastne dele
najbolj strastne dele
12:14
of what we share with you here today.
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1914
tega, kar danes deliva z vami.
12:16
TM: I have had to interrogate masculinity,
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TM: Moral sem izprašati moškost,
12:18
which I think doesn't happen enough.
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kar menim, da se ne zgodi dovoljkrat.
12:20
I've had to interrogate masculinity;
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Moral sem izprašati moškost;
12:23
the toxic privileges that come
with being a man don't define me,
with being a man don't define me,
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3492
toksični privilegiji, ki pridejo
z dejstvom, da sem moški, me ne določajo,
z dejstvom, da sem moški, me ne določajo,
12:26
but I have to be accountable
for how it shows up in my life every day.
for how it shows up in my life every day.
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3316
a odgovoren sem za to, kako se pojavlja
v mojem življenju vsak dan.
v mojem življenju vsak dan.
12:30
I have allowed my wife
to do all of the emotional labor
to do all of the emotional labor
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Dovolil sem, da moja žena
opravi ves čustveni napor,
opravi ves čustveni napor,
12:33
of prying open the lines of communication
when I'd rather clam up and run away.
when I'd rather clam up and run away.
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ko poskuša začeti pogovor o nečem,
ko bi se sam najraje zaprl in zbežal.
ko bi se sam najraje zaprl in zbežal.
12:38
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
12:39
I've stripped away emotional support
instead of facing my own vulnerabilities,
instead of facing my own vulnerabilities,
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Odstranil sem emocionalno podporo, namesto
da bi se soočil z lastno ranljivostjo,
da bi se soočil z lastno ranljivostjo,
12:43
particularly around the heartbreaking
miscarriage we suffered last year,
miscarriage we suffered last year,
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še posebej ob tragičnem
spontanem splavu, ki sva ga utrpela lani,
spontanem splavu, ki sva ga utrpela lani,
12:47
and I'm sorry for that.
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in žal mi je.
12:48
Sometimes as men,
we get to take the easy way out.
we get to take the easy way out.
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Včasih lahko kot moški izberemo lažjo pot.
12:51
And so my journey as a trans person
is about reimagining masculinity.
is about reimagining masculinity.
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Tako je moje potovanje kot trans moški,
da si na novo zamislim možatost.
da si na novo zamislim možatost.
12:56
About creating a manhood
that isn't measured
that isn't measured
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O ustvarjanju možatosti, ki se ne meri
12:59
by the power it wields,
by the entitlements afforded to it,
by the entitlements afforded to it,
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z močjo, s katero upravlja,
s tem, do česa je upravičena,
s tem, do česa je upravičena,
13:02
or any simulacrum of control
that it can muster,
that it can muster,
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ali vsako predstavo moči,
ki jo lahko zbere,
ki jo lahko zbere,
13:05
but works in tandem with femininity,
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ampak dela skupaj z ženstvenostjo
13:07
and is guided by my spirit.
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in jo vodi moj duh.
13:10
KKM: Y'all ...
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KKM: Joj ...
13:12
(Applause)
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(Aplavz)
13:16
And this has created the space
for my femininity to flourish
for my femininity to flourish
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In to ustvari prostor,
da moja ženstvenost vzcveti,
da moja ženstvenost vzcveti,
13:19
in a way I had never experienced before.
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kot še nikoli prej.
13:24
He never is threatened by my sexuality,
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Moja seksualnost ga nikoli ne ogroža,
13:27
he never polices what I wear or how I act.
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nikoli ne ukazuje, kaj naj oblečem,
ali kako naj se vedem.
ali kako naj se vedem.
13:31
I cook but he does way more
of the cleaning than I do.
of the cleaning than I do.
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Kuham jaz ampak on veliko več čisti.
13:34
And when we're rushing
to get out of the house
to get out of the house
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In kadar se nama mudi iz hiše
13:37
and we have so much to handle,
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in imava toliko za opraviti,
13:38
he handles everything,
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on opravi vse,
zato da imam čas za ličenje
in urejanje frizure.
in urejanje frizure.
13:40
so I have time to do my hair and makeup.
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13:42
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
13:44
He understands that this is my armor,
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Razume, da je to moj oklep
13:46
and he never treats femininity
as though it is frivolous or superficial,
as though it is frivolous or superficial,
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in nikoli ne tretira moje ženstvenosti
kot nekaj banalnega in površinskega,
kot nekaj banalnega in površinskega,
13:51
and this, and him --
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in to, in on -
13:53
he grows my experience
of gender every single day.
of gender every single day.
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z njim vsak dan raste moja izkušnja spola.
13:56
TM: I love to watch her
get dressed in the morning.
get dressed in the morning.
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TM: Rad jo gledam, kako se zjutraj oblači.
13:59
Watching her in the closet,
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Ko jo opazujem pred omaro,
14:01
looking for something comfortable
and colorful, and tight,
and colorful, and tight,
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kako išče nekaj udobnega
in barvitega in ozkega,
in barvitega in ozkega,
14:04
and safe --
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in varnega -
14:05
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
14:07
But it's challenging to watch her
negotiate her decisions
negotiate her decisions
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A izziv jo je opazovati,
kako tehta svoje odločitve
kako tehta svoje odločitve
14:09
looking for something that's going
to get the least amount of attention,
to get the least amount of attention,
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in išče nekaj, kar bi zbudilo
najmanj pozornosti,
najmanj pozornosti,
a je obenem izraz živahne
in seksi ženske, kakršna je.
in seksi ženske, kakršna je.
14:13
but at the same time be an expression
of the vibrant and sexy woman she is.
of the vibrant and sexy woman she is.
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Vse, kar si želim, je,
jo občudovati v njeni lepoti
jo občudovati v njeni lepoti
14:17
And all I want to do is celebrate
her for her beauty,
her for her beauty,
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in vseh stvareh, ki jo delajo
lepo in posebno in svobodno,
lepo in posebno in svobodno,
14:19
and the things that make her
beautiful and special and free,
beautiful and special and free,
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od njenih dolgih umetnih nohtov,
14:22
from her long acrylic nails,
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do brezkompromisnega
temnopoltega feminizma.
temnopoltega feminizma.
14:24
to her uncompromising black feminism.
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2020
14:26
(Applause)
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(Aplavz)
14:31
KKM: I love you. TM: I love you.
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KKM: Ljubim te. TM: Ljubim te.
14:32
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
14:34
KKM: There are so many queer
and trans people
and trans people
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KKM: Toliko je kvir in trans ljudi,
14:37
who have come before us,
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ki so bili tu pred nama,
14:38
whose stories we will never get to hear.
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katerih zgodbe ne bomo nikoli slišali.
14:41
We constantly experience
this retelling of history
this retelling of history
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Neprestano izkušamo
ponovno pisanje zgodovine,
ponovno pisanje zgodovine,
kjer smo opazno izpuščeni.
14:44
where we are conspicuously left out.
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14:47
And it's really hard
to not see ourselves there.
to not see ourselves there.
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Težko je, ker se ne vidimo v tem.
14:50
And so living out loud for us
is about that representation.
is about that representation.
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Zato živiva na ves glas
ravno zaradi reprezentacije.
ravno zaradi reprezentacije.
14:54
It's about having possibility models,
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Gre za to, da imaš modele možnosti
14:57
and having hope that love is part
of our inheritance in this world, too.
of our inheritance in this world, too.
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in upanje, da je tudi ljubezen
del naše dediščine v tem svetu.
del naše dediščine v tem svetu.
15:01
TM: The possibility that we are practicing
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TM: Ta možnost, ki jo izvajava,
15:03
is about reinventing time,
love and institutions.
love and institutions.
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je ponovno izumljanje časa,
ljubezni in institucij.
ljubezni in institucij.
15:07
We are creating a future of multiplicity.
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Ustvarjava prihodnost raznolikosti.
15:09
We are expanding the spectrum
of gender and sexuality,
of gender and sexuality,
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Razširjamo spekter spola in seksualnosti,
15:12
imagining ourselves into existence,
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sebe si zamislimo v realnost,
15:15
imagining a world where gender
is self-determined and not imposed,
is self-determined and not imposed,
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predstavljamo si svet, kjer si spol
določiš sam in ni vsiljen,
določiš sam in ni vsiljen,
15:18
and where who we are
is a kaleidoscope of possibility
is a kaleidoscope of possibility
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in kjer je to, kar smo,
kalejdoskop možnosti
kalejdoskop možnosti
15:21
without the narrow-minded limitations
masquerading as science or justice.
masquerading as science or justice.
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brez ozkogledih omejitev zamaskiranih
v znanost ali pravico.
v znanost ali pravico.
15:27
(Applause)
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(Aplavz)
15:31
KKM: And I can't lie:
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KKM: In ne bom lagala,
15:33
it is really, really hard.
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res je težko.
15:35
It is hard to stand in the face of bigotry
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Težko je stati nasproti fanatičnosti
15:38
with an open heart and a smile on my face.
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z odprtim srcem in nasmehom na obrazu.
15:40
It is really hard to face the injustice
that exists in the world,
that exists in the world,
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Resnično težko se je spopasti
z nepravičnostjo, ki obstaja v svetu,
z nepravičnostjo, ki obstaja v svetu,
15:44
while still believing in the ability
of people to really change.
of people to really change.
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in še vedno verjeti v zmožnost ljudi,
da se spremenijo.
da se spremenijo.
15:48
That takes an enormous amount
of faith and dedication.
of faith and dedication.
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Za to je potrebna neverjetna
količina vere in predanosti.
količina vere in predanosti.
15:52
And beyond that,
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Ob tem pa tudi,
15:53
marriage is hard work.
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zakon je trdo delo.
15:55
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
15:56
Piles of dirty socks on the floor,
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2568
Kupi umazanih nogavic na tleh,
15:59
more boring sports shows
than I ever thought possible --
than I ever thought possible --
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več dolgočasnih športnih oddaj,
kot sem si kadarkoli predstavljala -
kot sem si kadarkoli predstavljala -
16:03
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
16:04
And fights that bring me to tears
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1744
In prepiri, ki me pripeljejo do solz,
16:06
when it feels like we're not
speaking the same language.
speaking the same language.
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2865
ko se zdi, da sploh
ne govoriva istega jezika.
ne govoriva istega jezika.
16:09
But there is not a day that goes by
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A ne mine dan,
16:11
where I am not so grateful
to be married to this man;
to be married to this man;
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da ne bi bila hvaležna
za moj zakon s tem moškim;
za moj zakon s tem moškim;
16:14
where I'm not so grateful for
the possibility of changing minds,
the possibility of changing minds,
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kjer ne bi bila hvaležna
za možnost spreminjanja misli
za možnost spreminjanja misli
16:18
and rewarding conversations,
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in nagrajujočih pogovorov
16:20
and creating a world
where love belongs to us all.
where love belongs to us all.
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in ustvarjanje sveta,
kjer ljubezen pripada vsem.
kjer ljubezen pripada vsem.
16:23
I think about our acronym:
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Pomislim na naš akronim:
16:25
LGBTQ2SIA.
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LGBTQ2SIA.
16:31
A seemingly endless evolution
of self and a community,
of self and a community,
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Na videz neskončna evolucija
nas samih in skupnosti,
nas samih in skupnosti,
16:34
but also this really deep desire
not to leave anyone behind.
not to leave anyone behind.
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a hkrati tudi globoka skrb,
da ne bi koga pustili za seboj.
da ne bi koga pustili za seboj.
16:39
We've learned how to love each other,
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Naučila sva se ljubiti drug drugega
16:41
and we've committed to loving each other
throughout changes to gender
throughout changes to gender
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in predana sva ljubezni drug
do drugega skozi spremembe v spolu
do drugega skozi spremembe v spolu
16:45
and changes in spirit.
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in spremembe v duhu.
16:47
And we learned this love
in our chat rooms,
in our chat rooms,
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Te ljubezni sva se naučila
v naših klepetalnicah,
v naših klepetalnicah,
16:49
in our clubs, in our bars
and in our community centers.
and in our community centers.
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v naših klubih, v naših barih
in naših centrih skupnosti.
in naših centrih skupnosti.
16:53
We've learned how to love
each other for the long haul.
each other for the long haul.
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Naučila sva se ljubiti
drug drugega dolgoročno.
drug drugega dolgoročno.
16:56
TM & KKM: Thank you.
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TM & KKM: Hvala.
16:58
(Applause)
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(Aplavz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activistAlready a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.
Why you should listen
Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic.
Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.
Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.
Why you should listen
A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.
Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world.
As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.
A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.
Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.
Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com