ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activist
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.

Why you should listen

Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic. 

Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.

Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.

More profile about the speaker
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.

Why you should listen

A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.

Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art­-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world. 

As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.

A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.

Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.

Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.

More profile about the speaker
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com
TEDWomen 2016

Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan: A queer vision of love and marriage

列・米蘭和金・凱特林・米蘭: 一份讓我們做自己的愛

Filmed:
1,566,834 views

對多元性別族群(LGBTQ+)來說,愛是推動革命性變化的工具,也是通往包容和理解的道路。已經結為連理的活躍分子列和金.凱特林.米蘭,把他們的婚姻——一個跨性別男性和一個順性別女性的結合——想像成能給任何類別的人樹立任何可能性榜樣。列和金懷著充滿感染力的喜悅,對我們關於他們身分的誤解作出質問,並展示了一種既具包容性、也具挑戰性的愛一天一天地成長的願景。
- Transgender activist
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love. Full bio - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
TiqTiq Milan米蘭: Our first conversation會話
was on FacebookFacebook的,
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列・米蘭(TM):我們的
第一次對話是在Facebook上,
00:15
and it was three days long.
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這對話長達三天之久。
00:17
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
00:19
We shared共享 over 3,000 messages消息 between之間 us,
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我們彼此分享了超過3000條訊息,
00:21
and it was during those 72 hours小時
that I knew知道 she was going to be my wife妻子.
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在72小時裡的對話,
我知道她將會成為我的妻子。
00:26
We didn't wait any prerequisite條件
amount of time for our courtship求愛;
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我們毋須等候一段時間才向對方求愛,
00:29
we told each other
the vulnerable弱勢 truths真理 up front面前:
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我們開門見山告訴了彼此
那脆弱的真相:
00:32
I am a transgender變性 man,
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我是一名跨性別男性。
00:33
which哪一個 means手段 the F on my birth分娩
certificate證書 should have stood站在 for "False,"
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我出生證上的字母F,
應該是「錯誤的」意思,
00:37
instead代替 of "Female."
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而非「女性」。
00:38
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
00:39
Walking步行 around as a woman女人 in the world世界
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以女性的身分立足這世界
00:41
felt like walking步行 with
pebbles卵石 in my shoes.
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感覺就像是鞋裏放了鵝卵石走著。
00:44
It took the rhythm韻律 out of my swagger昂首闊步,
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這使我無法昂首闊步,
00:46
it threw me off balance平衡,
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這使我失去平衡,
00:47
it pained苦澀 me with every一切 step
I took forward前鋒.
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這讓我每往前一步都感到疼痛。
00:49
But today今天 I'm a man of my own擁有 intention意向;
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但今天,我出於自己的意願
成為了男性,
00:52
a man of my own擁有 design設計.
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由自己設計成為了男性。
00:54
Kim Katrinkatrin Milan米蘭: I am
a cisgender順性別 queer同性戀者 woman女人.
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金・凱特林・米蘭(KKM):
我是一名順性別的酷兒女性。
00:57
CisgenderCisgender means手段 the gender性別
I was assigned分配 at birth分娩
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順性別的意思是
我出生時是一名女性,
00:59
is still and has always been female.
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到如今一直以來都仍是女性。
01:02
This doesn't make me natural自然 or normal正常,
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但這並不會讓我覺得自然或正常,
01:05
this is just one way of describing說明
the many許多 different不同 ways方法
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這只是用來描述我們在這個世界上
存在的各種形態中的一種。
01:08
that we exist存在 in this world世界.
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01:10
And queer同性戀者 is a cultural文化 term術語,
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酷兒是一個文化術語,
01:12
but in this case案件,
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但是這種語境中,
01:13
it refers to the way that I'm not
restricted限制 by gender性別
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這意指當我選擇另一半的時候,
我不受自己的性別限制。
01:15
when it comes to choosing選擇 partners夥伴.
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01:17
I've identified確定 in a few少數 different不同 ways方法 --
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我曾用不同的方式定義自己—
01:19
as a bisexual雙性戀, as a lesbian女同性戀 --
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雙性戀、女同性戀者—
01:21
but for me,
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但對我來說,
01:22
queerness酷兒 encompasses包括 all of the layers
of who I am and how I've loved喜愛.
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酷兒性包含了我是誰
和我如何去愛的所有層次。
01:27
I'm layers, and not fractions餾分.
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我是以層次而非片段形式的。
01:30
And for me,
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對於我,
01:31
the fact事實 that he was queer同性戀者
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他也是酷兒的事實
01:32
meant意味著 that I could trust相信 his courtship求愛
from the very beginning開始.
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意味著我從一開始就能夠
相信他對我的追求。
01:36
As queer同性戀者 and trans反式 people,
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作為酷兒和跨性別人士,
01:37
we're so often經常 excluded排除
from institutions機構 and traditions傳統.
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我們經常被制度和傳統拒之門外。
01:41
We create創建 spaces空間 outside of convention慣例,
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我們在規矩以外創建新空間,
01:44
including包含 the conventions公約 of time.
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也包括在時間規矩以外。
01:46
And in those 3,000 messages消息 between之間 us,
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在我們之間的那3000條訊息,
01:49
we collapsed倒塌 time;
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我們把時間瓦解;
01:51
we queeredqueered it;
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我們破壞時間;
01:52
we laid鋪設 it all on the table.
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我們把全部的時間放到檯面上。
01:54
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
01:55
With no pretense虛偽 at all.
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沒有任何的隱藏與虛假。
01:57
And this meant意味著 that we were able能夠
to commit承諾 to each other
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這就意味著我們可用截然不同的方式
對彼此做出承諾。
02:00
in a profoundly深深 different不同 way.
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02:02
So often經常 what we're told is this idea理念
of the "Golden金色 Rule規則,"
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我們經常被告知的「金科玉律」
02:06
that we should treat對待 other people
the way we want to be treated治療.
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就是己所不欲,勿施於人。
02:10
But the problem問題 with that
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但問題是,
02:11
is that it assumes假設 that we are
the standard標準 for other people,
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這假設了我們就是其他人的標準,
02:14
and we're not.
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可是我們不是。
02:15
We need to treat對待 other people
the way they want to be treated治療,
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己所不欲,勿施於人,
02:19
which哪一個 means手段 we had to ask.
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就是我們必須去問。
02:21
I couldn't不能 assume承擔 that the kind
of love that TiqTiq needed需要
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我不能假設阿列需要的那種爱情
02:23
was the same相同 kind of love that I needed需要.
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和我需要的那種是一樣的。
02:25
So I asked him everything --
about his fears恐懼, his insecurities不安全感 --
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所以我向他問所有事,
包括他的恐懼與不安,
02:30
and we started開始 from there.
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而我們就是從這裡開始。
02:31
TMTM值: I didn't know what
kind of love I needed需要.
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TM:我不知道我需要哪種的愛情。
02:34
I had just come out of a year-long一年之久 fog多霧路段
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我才剛走出長達一年
被拒絕和完全空虛的陰霾。
02:36
of being存在 rejected拒絕 and utterly完全 depleted耗盡.
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02:38
I had someone有人 look me in my eyes眼睛
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曾有一個人看著我的眼睛
02:40
and tell me that I was unworthy不值得
of their love because I was trans反式.
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告訴我:因為我是跨性別者,
所以我不值得被愛。
02:44
And there's a culture文化 of lovelessness缺乏愛
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我們創造了圍繞著
跨性別者的無情文化。
02:46
that we've我們已經 created創建 around
transgender變性 people.
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02:48
It's reasoned理由, justified有理
and often經常 signed into law.
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它經過詳盡論述、合理化,
往往被寫進法律裡。
02:51
And I was a heartbeat心跳 away
from internalizing內在 that message信息,
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我幾乎把這個訊息內化了,
02:54
that I wasn't worthy值得.
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認為自己不值得被愛。
02:56
But Kim said that I was her ideal理想 --
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但金說我是她的理想對象:
02:58
the heartbroken腸斷 mess食堂 that I was.
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我這樣一個心碎的可憐蟲。
02:59
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
03:01
KKMkkm: He totally完全 was my ideal理想.
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KKM:他完全是我的理想對象。
03:03
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
03:04
In more ways方法 than one.
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他在很多方面都是。
03:05
Both poets詩人, writers作家, creatives創意
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我們都是詩人、作家、創作者,
03:08
with a long history歷史
of community社區 work behind背後 us,
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彼此都有長時間的社區服務經驗,
03:10
and big, huge巨大 dreams
of a family家庭 in front面前 of us,
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都有建立家庭的宏大夢想,
03:13
we shared共享 a lot of things in common共同,
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我們有很多共同的特質,
03:15
but we were also incredibly令人難以置信 different不同.
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但我們卻又如此地不同。
03:17
I've been a lifelong終身 traveler遊客
and a bit of an orphan孤兒,
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我是一個終生的旅行者,
不常跟家人待在一起,
03:20
whereas he comes from a huge巨大 family家庭,
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然而他來自大家庭,
03:22
and definitely無疑 stays入住 grounded接地.
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一直以來都很沉穩踏實。
03:24
I often經常 kind of sum up
the differences分歧 in our strengths優勢
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我往往這樣總結
我們強項之間的分別:
03:27
by saying, "Keep me safe安全,
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「你一直給我安全感,
03:28
and I'll keep you wild野生."
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我就一直使你狂野。」
03:30
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
03:34
TMTM值: We have marginalized邊緣化 identities身份
but we don't live生活 marginalized邊緣化 lives生活.
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TM:雖然我們的身分被邊緣化,
但我們卻不是過著邊緣化的生活。
03:39
Being存在 queer同性戀者 and trans反式 is about creating創建
new ways方法 of existing現有.
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作為酷兒和跨性别者
就是以新的方式生存。
03:42
It's about loving愛心 people as they are,
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這就是去愛這個人原本的樣子,
03:44
not as they're supposed應該 to be.
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而不是愛他們應該要變成的樣子。
03:46
Kim is unapologetically辯解 feminine女人
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金是義無反顧地女性化,
03:48
in a world世界 that is often經常 cruel殘忍 and violent暴力
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而這個世界往往殘酷並暴力對待
過於自信或放縱的女性。
03:51
to women婦女 who are
too proud驕傲 and too freeing自由化.
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03:53
And I didn't enter輸入 into this union聯盟
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我和她結合並非要指望她照顧我
或成為我的終身伴侶,
03:55
under the auspices主持 that she
was going to be my helper幫手 or my rib肋骨,
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03:58
but a fully充分 complex複雜 --
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而是因為她是一個完整複雜…
04:00
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
04:01
KKMkkm: Right? That's not right.
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KKM: 是吧?那樣不對吧。
04:04
TMTM值: But a fully充分 complex複雜 human人的 being存在
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TM: 她是一個完整複雜的人,
04:05
whose誰的 femininity女人味 wasn't for me
to reign統治 in, control控制 or critique批判.
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她的女性化特質
不是由我來駕馭、控制或批判。
04:09
It's her brilliance,
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因為她的才智、著重溫情的領導方式
和永遠堅守自己的同理心,
04:10
the way she leads引線 with compassion同情,
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04:12
and how she never loses失去
sight視力 of her empathy同情.
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04:14
She has been my hero英雄 since以來 day one.
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她從一開始就是我的英雄。
04:18
(Applause掌聲)
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(掌聲)
04:21
KKMkkm: Our relationship關係 has always been
about setting設置 each other free自由.
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KKM: 我們的感情在於給對方自由。
04:25
One of the first questions問題 I asked him
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我最早問他的問題之一就是:
04:27
was what dreams he had left to accomplish完成,
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他還有什麼樣的夢想尚未達到?
04:29
and how would I help him get there.
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而我能夠怎麼樣幫助他達到夢想?
04:31
His dreams to live生活 as a poet詩人,
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他的夢想是以詩人身分生活,
04:33
to adopt採用 and raise提高 a family家庭 together一起,
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領養小孩,和我一起建立家庭,
04:35
to live生活 a life that he was proud驕傲 of,
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去過令他感到驕傲的人生,
04:37
and one that would live生活 up to
his mother's母親 incredible難以置信 legacy遺產.
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一個不負他母親不朽傳承的人生。
04:41
And I really appreciated讚賞 that we
were able能夠 to start開始 from that place地點,
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我感激當時我們可以從這部分開始,
04:44
and not from a place地點
that was around figuring盤算 out
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而不是由探索怎樣互相磨合開始。
04:47
how to make each other work together一起.
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04:49
And I think this really allowed允許 us
to grow增長 into the people that we were
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我覺得這讓我們
以與眾不同的方式成長。
04:53
in a way that was incredibly令人難以置信 different不同.
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04:55
I love him whole整個;
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我愛他的全部;
04:57
pre-transition前過渡, now and in the future未來.
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轉性前、現在還有未來的他。
04:59
And it's this love that had us
committed提交 to each other
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就是這樣的愛
令我們對彼此做出承諾,
05:02
before we'd星期三 even seen看到 each other's其他 faces面孔.
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儘管我們當時還未見面。
05:06
TMTM值: My mother's母親 biggest最大
concern關心 when I transitioned轉變
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TM:我母親最大的擔心,
就是當我轉性後
05:09
was who was going to love me as I am.
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誰還會愛我這個人本身。
05:11
Had being存在 transgender變性 somehow不知何故
precluded排除 me from love and monogamy一夫一妻制
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我是跨性別、被認為生在錯的肉體,
就要被愛情和夫妻制度拒之門外嗎﹖
05:17
because I was supposedly按說
born天生 in the wrong錯誤 body身體?
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05:20
But it's this type類型 of structuring結構
that has to be reframed重新定義
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但這種結構必須要被重新訂立框架,
05:23
in order訂購 to let love in.
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才能讓愛進入其中。
05:25
My body身體 never betrayed背叛 me,
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我的身體從沒背叛過我,
05:27
and my body身體 was never wrong錯誤.
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我的身體也從沒有錯。
05:29
It's this restrictive限制,
binary二進制 thinking思維 on gender性別
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就是這具有約束性的性別二元思想
05:32
that said that I didn't exist存在.
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認為我是不存在的。
05:34
But when we met會見,
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但當我們遇見對方時,
05:35
she loved喜愛 me for exactly究竟 how I showed顯示 up.
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她就愛我在她面前的樣子。
05:38
She would trace跟踪 her fingers手指
along沿 the numb麻木 keloid瘢痕疙瘩 scars傷疤
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她會用手指劃在我接受平胸手術後
留下的無知覺疙瘩疤痕。
05:41
left by my top最佳 surgery手術.
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05:42
Scars傷疤 that run from the middle中間 of my chest胸部
all the way out to my outer torso軀幹.
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疤痕從我的胸膛中間
一路延伸到我的外軀幹。
05:46
She said that these were
reminders提醒 of my strength強度
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她說那提醒了我有多堅強
05:49
and everything that I went through通過
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和我所經歷的一切,
05:51
and nothing for me to be ashamed羞愧 of.
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而這沒有什麼可令我感到羞愧的。
05:53
So sprinting衝刺 towards her hand in marriage婚姻
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所以用短跑衝刺的速度和她步入禮堂
05:55
was the queerest最奇怪的 thing that I could do.
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是我可以做的最「酷兒」的事。
05:57
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
05:59
It flew in the face面對 of more
conventional常規 trajectories軌跡
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這卻是公然違抗
愛情和親密關係的傳統軌跡,
06:02
of love and relationships關係,
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06:04
because God was never supposed應該
to bless保佑 a union聯盟 for folks鄉親 like us,
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因為上帝被認為從不會
祝福我們這種人的結合,
06:07
and the law was never
supposed應該 to recognize認識 it.
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而法律被認為從不會承認我們。
06:10
KKMkkm: So on May可能 5, 2014,
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KKM: 所以在2014年5月5日,
06:14
just about three months個月
after meeting會議 online線上,
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我們在網路上相遇的約三個月後,
06:17
we were married已婚 on the steps腳步
of City Hall大廳 in Manhattan曼哈頓,
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在曼哈頓市政廳的階梯上結婚了,
06:21
and it was beautiful美麗
in every一切 conceivable可以想像 way.
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這無論從任何方式想像都是美好的。
06:25
It's safe安全 to say that we
reimagined重新想像 some traditions傳統,
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保守地說,我們把一些傳統重新塑造,
06:29
but we also kept不停 some old ones那些
that we worked工作 in,
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但我們還是保留一些適合我們的傳統,
06:31
and we created創建 something
that worked工作 for us.
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和創造一些適合我們的方式。
06:34
My bouquet花束 and corsage胸花 was actually其實 filled填充
with wildflowers野花 from Brooklyn布魯克林 --
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我的花束和點綴裙子的花
都是來自布魯克林的野花,
06:39
also added添加 in a little bit of lavender薰衣草
and sage智者 to keep us grounded接地
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還加了一點薰衣草和鼠尾草
用來平靜我們的心情,
06:43
because we were so nervous緊張.
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因為我們當時很緊張。
06:45
And it was put together一起 by a sweet
sister妹妹 healer治癒者 friend朋友 of ours我們的.
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花朵都是由我們一位
和藹可親的甜姐兒朋友安排。
06:48
I never wanted a diamond鑽石 ring,
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我從沒想過要鑽戒,
06:50
because conflict衝突 and convention慣例
are not my thing,
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因為衝突和遵從慣例
都不是我的風格,
06:52
so my ring is the deepest最深 purple紫色,
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所以我的戒指是暗紫色,
06:54
like the color顏色 of my crown王冠 chakra查克拉,
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就像我頂輪的顏色,
06:56
and set in place地點 with my birthstones生辰.
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其中鑲上了我的誕生石。
06:59
The gift禮品 of queerness酷兒 is options選項.
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身為酷兒的好處就是可以選擇。
07:01
I never had to choose選擇 his last name名稱,
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我從不用冠他的姓氏,
07:03
it was never an exception例外,
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這個一直並不意外,
07:04
but I did because I am
my father's父親的 bastard混蛋 child兒童,
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但我卻冠了他的姓氏,
因為我是父親的私生女,
07:08
someone有人 who has always been
an apology歉意, a secret秘密, an imposition徵收.
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我從來就是他要道歉的原因,
是他的秘密,是他被迫接受的東西。
07:12
And it was incredibly令人難以置信 freeing自由化
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能去選擇那先選擇我的男人的名字,
那感覺是非常痛快的。
07:14
to choose選擇 the name名稱 of a man
who chose選擇 me first.
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07:17
(Applause掌聲)
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(掌聲)
07:24
TMTM值: So we told some family家庭
and some close friends朋友,
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TM:我們把喜事告訴一些親友時,
07:27
many許多 of whom were still in disbelief懷疑
as we took our vows誓言.
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很多人還是不相信我們已經立誓。
07:32
Fittingly恰當, we posted發布 all of our wedding婚禮
photos相片 on FacebookFacebook的,
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很貼切地,我們把婚禮照放在Facebook,
07:35
where we met會見 --
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也就是我們相遇的地方上面,
07:36
and InstagramInstagram的, of course課程.
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當然還有Instagram。
07:38
And we quickly很快 realized實現
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而我們很快意識到,
07:40
that our coming未來 together一起 was more
than just a union聯盟 of two people,
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我們結婚並非只是兩人的結合,
07:43
but was a model模型 of possibility可能性
for the millions百萬 of LGBTQLGBTQ folks鄉親
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而是為數百萬多元性別的人立下榜樣;
他們都被勸誘相信一個謊言,
07:47
who have been sold出售 this lie謊言
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07:48
that family家庭 and matrimony婚姻
is antithetical對立的 to who they are --
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就是家庭和婚姻
跟他們的身分是對立的。
07:51
for those of us
who rarely很少 get to see ourselves我們自己
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他們甚少想到自己獲得愛和快樂,
而我們就要讓他們知道這是可能的。
07:54
reflected反射的 in love and happiness幸福.
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07:56
KKMkkm: And the thing is,
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KKM:事實上,
07:57
absolutely絕對 we are marginalized邊緣化
because of our identities身份,
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我們當然是因為
自身的身分而被邊緣化,
08:00
but it also emboldens鼓勵了 us
to be the people that we are.
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但這也使我們有膽量
去展現真實的自我。
08:04
Queerness奇妙 is our major重大的 key;
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酷兒特性是我們的主要鑰匙;
08:05
blackness is our magic魔法.
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黑色是我們的魔法。
08:07
It's because of these things
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就是因為這些東西,
08:09
that we are able能夠 to be hopeful有希望, open打開,
receptive接受 and shape-shifting形狀轉移.
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我們才能變得充滿希望,
開放心靈,懂得接納和轉變型態。
08:14
These are the things that give us,
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這些東西都是我們神奇的力量泉源。
08:16
and are such這樣 an incredible難以置信
source資源 of, our strength強度.
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08:19
Our queerness酷兒 is a source資源
of that strength強度.
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我們的酷兒特性就是那力量的泉源。
08:21
I think of the words of Ottawa-based設在渥太華的
poet詩人 Brandon布蘭登 Wint溫特:
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我想起了渥太華詩人
布蘭登・温特的話:
08:25
"Not queer同性戀者 like gay同性戀者;
queer同性戀者 like escaping逃逸 definition定義.
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「不要像同性戀的酷兒,
而是不受定義約束的酷兒。
08:29
Queer同性戀者 like some sort分類 of fluidity流動性
and limitlessness無限性 all at once一旦.
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同時瞬間流動、無止境的酷兒。
08:33
Queer同性戀者 like a freedom自由
too strange奇怪 to be conquered征服.
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以前所未有的自由拒絕支配的酷兒。
08:36
Queer同性戀者 like the fearlessness無畏
to imagine想像 what love can look like,
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無懼想象愛的樣子
並追求愛的酷兒。」
08:40
and to pursue追求 it."
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08:42
TMTM值: We are part部分 of a community社區 of folks鄉親 --
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TM:我們都是群體中的一部分...
08:44
Yeah, that's good right?
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剛剛那段不錯吧?
08:45
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
08:48
We are part部分 of a community社區 of folks鄉親
who are living活的 their authentic真實 selves自我
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我們是這群體的一部分,
橫跨性別光譜活出真我,
08:52
all along沿 the gender性別 spectrum光譜,
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08:54
despite儘管 the ubiquitous普及 threat威脅 of violence暴力,
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不管那些無處不在的暴力脅迫,
08:57
despite儘管 the undercurrent暗流 of anxiety焦慮
that always is present當下
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不管那些以自我方式生活的人們
總是存在的焦慮暗湧。
09:00
for people who live生活 on their own擁有 terms條款.
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09:02
Globally在全球範圍內, a transgender變性 person
is murdered謀殺 every一切 21 hours小時.
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全世界每21小時
就有一名跨性别人士被殺。
09:07
And the United聯合的 States狀態 has had more
trans反式 murders謀殺 on record記錄 this year
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美國今年紀錄在案的跨性别者被殺案
比以往任何一年都要高。
09:13
than any year to date日期.
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09:15
However然而, our stories故事 are much more
than this rigid死板 dichotomy二分法
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然而,我們的故事遠遠超越
力量與柔韌兩者之間的嚴格二分。
09:19
of strength強度 and resilience彈性.
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09:20
We are expanding擴大 the human人的
complexity複雜 on these margins利潤率,
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我們正在這些邊緣位置
擴大人類的複雜性,
09:24
and we are creating創建 freedom自由
on these margins利潤率.
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我們正在這些邊緣位置創造自由。
09:28
KKMkkm: And we don't have any blueprints藍圖.
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KKM:我們沒有任何藍圖。
09:30
We're creating創建 a world世界
that we have literally按照字面 never seen看到 before;
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我們正在創造一個
我們從未見過的世界;
09:34
organizing組織 families家庭 based基於
on love and not by blood血液,
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以愛而非血緣關係去組織家庭,
09:38
guiding主導 by a compassion同情 that so few少數 of us
have been shown顯示 ourselves我們自己.
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以很少人曾展現的同情心作嚮導。
09:42
So many許多 of us have not received收到
love from our families家庭 --
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我們當中很多人都未曾從家庭得到愛,
09:46
have been betrayed背叛 by the people
that we trust相信 most.
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反而被我們最信任的人所背叛。
09:49
So what we do here is we create創建
entirely完全 new languages語言 of love.
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所以我們現在做的
就是創造全新的愛的語言。
09:54
Ones那些 that are about creating創建 the space空間
for us to be our authentic真實 selves自我
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這種語言開拓全新空間
讓我們活出真我,
09:58
and not imposing威風 this standard標準
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不將男性化與女性化
應該如何的標準強加於人。
10:00
of what masculinity陽剛之氣 or femininity女人味
is supposed應該 to be.
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10:04
TMTM值: We are interested有興趣
in love and inclusion包容
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TM:我們想要把愛和包容
作為達致革命性轉變的工具。
10:07
as a tool工具 of revolutionary革命的 change更改, right?
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10:10
And the idea理念 is simply只是,
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這想法其實很簡單,
10:11
if we drop下降 all our preconceived先入為主 notions概念
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只要我們抛開一個人應是如何的
先入為主觀念就可以—
10:13
about how somebody is supposed應該 to be --
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10:16
in their body身體, in their
gender性別, in their skin皮膚 --
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例如有某種身體、性別、膚色的人
應是如何的觀念—
10:19
if we take the intentional故意的 steps腳步
to unlearn忘記 these deep-seated根深蒂固 biases偏見
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只要我們立心放下
這些根深蒂固的偏見、
10:22
and create創建 space空間 for people
to be self-determined自我決定,
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創造空間讓人們自決
和擁抱自我就可以。
10:25
and embrace擁抱 who they are,
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10:26
then we will definitely無疑 create創建 a better
world世界 than the one we were born天生 into.
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那我們絕對可以創造出一個
比我們出生時更好的世界。
10:30
(Applause掌聲)
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(掌聲)
10:37
KKMkkm: We want to mark標記 this time in history歷史
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KKM:我們希望把身在這裡的事實
寫進歷史裡。
10:39
by leaving離開 evidence證據 of the fact事實
that we were here.
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10:43
We open打開 up little windows視窗
into our relationship關係
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我們開了多扇窗戶
讓社群見證我們的親密關係。
10:46
for our community社區 to bear witness見證,
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10:47
and we do this because we want
to make maps地圖 to the future未來
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我們這樣做的原因
是要繪畫通往未來的地圖,
10:50
and not monuments紀念碑 to ourselves我們自己.
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而不是要給自己建立紀念碑。
10:53
Our experience經驗 does not invalidate廢止
other peoples'人們' experience經驗,
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我們的經驗不能否定他人的經歷,
10:57
but it should and necessarily一定 does
complicate複雜 this idea理念
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但應該而且必要地
把愛和婚姻應是如何的問題複雜化。
11:00
of what love and marriage婚姻
are supposed應該 to be.
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11:04
TMTM值: OK, now for all the talking,
245
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1976
TM:我們多次闡述立場、啟迪他人、
為他人立下一切可行的榜樣,
11:06
and inspiring鼓舞人心,
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11:08
and possibility-modeling可能性建模 we've我們已經 doneDONE,
247
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11:09
we've我們已經 been nowhere無處 near perfect完善.
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但我們並未完人。
11:11
And we've我們已經 had to hold保持
a mirror鏡子 up to ourselves我們自己.
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我們要不時拿起鏡子仔細端詳自己,
11:14
And I saw that I wasn't
always the best最好 listener傾聽者,
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我看見自己並非經常是最佳聆聽者,
11:17
and that my ego自我 got in the way
of our progress進展 as a couple一對.
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3285
也看見自己的自負
阻礙了伴侶兩人的成長。
11:20
And I've had to really assess評估
these deep-seated根深蒂固, sexist性別歧視 ideas思路
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我要不時去認真評估全世界
對女性的體驗根深蒂固的歧視。
11:23
that I've had about the value
of a woman's女人的 experience經驗 in the world世界.
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11:27
I've had to reevaluate重新評估 what it means手段
to be in allyshipallyship with my wife妻子.
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我要不時重新審視
我與妻子結盟的意義。
11:31
KKMkkm: And I had to remind提醒 myself
of a lot of things, too.
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KKM:我也必須去提醒自己很多事情。
11:34
What it means手段 to be hard on the issues問題,
256
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1984
例如該如何在議題上
堅持立場的同時,對人寬容。
11:36
but soft柔軟的 on the person.
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11:38
While we were writing寫作 this,
we got into a massive大規模的 fight鬥爭.
258
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我們在寫講稿時還發生了極大的爭執。
11:42
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
11:45
For so many許多 different不同 reasons原因,
260
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爭執的原因有很多,
11:47
but based基於 on the content內容 about our values
and our lived生活 experiences經驗 --
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但都是基於我們的價值觀和生活經歷,
11:52
and we were really hurt傷害, you know?
262
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而我們曾經飽受傷害。
11:53
Because what we do and how we love
puts看跌期權 ourselves我們自己 entirely完全 on the line.
263
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因為我們的行為和愛的方式
都使我們完全處於苦境。
11:59
But even though雖然 the fight鬥爭 lasted歷時
over the course課程 of two days --
264
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即使爭吵持續了兩天,
12:02
(Laughter笑聲)
265
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(笑聲)
12:04
We were able能夠 to come back
together一起 to each other,
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我們還是回到了彼此身邊,
12:07
and recommit再犯 to ourselves我們自己,
to each other and to our marriage婚姻.
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重新忠於自己、彼此和我們的婚姻。
12:11
And that really yielded產生
some of the most passionate多情 parts部分
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這帶出我們今天分享給大家的
一些最熱情激昂的部分。
12:14
of what we share分享 with you here today今天.
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12:16
TMTM值: I have had to interrogate審問 masculinity陽剛之氣,
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TM:我要不時就男性化作出質問,
12:18
which哪一個 I think doesn't happen發生 enough足夠.
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而我相信這種質問需要更多。
12:20
I've had to interrogate審問 masculinity陽剛之氣;
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我要不時就男性化作出質問;
12:23
the toxic有毒的 privileges特權 that come
with being存在 a man don't define確定 me,
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作為男性而有的毒性特權不代表我,
12:26
but I have to be accountable問責
for how it shows節目 up in my life every一切 day.
274
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但我要為它對日常生活的影響負責。
12:30
I have allowed允許 my wife妻子
to do all of the emotional情緒化 labor勞動
275
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我任由妻子擔起
打開溝通渠道的情感工作,
12:33
of prying open打開 the lines of communication通訊
when I'd rather clam up and run away.
276
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而我則寧可默不作聲並一走了之。
12:38
(Laughter笑聲)
277
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(笑聲)
12:39
I've stripped剝離 away emotional情緒化 support支持
instead代替 of facing面對 my own擁有 vulnerabilities漏洞,
278
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我不去面對自己的軟弱,
反而收起對妻子的情感支持,
12:43
particularly尤其 around the heartbreaking令人心碎
miscarriage流產 we suffered遭遇 last year,
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尤其在去年我們經歷
令人心碎的流產的時候,
12:47
and I'm sorry for that.
280
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我為此抱歉。
12:48
Sometimes有時 as men男人,
we get to take the easy簡單 way out.
281
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我們男性有時會用
簡單的方式解決事情。
12:51
And so my journey旅程 as a trans反式 person
is about reimaginingreimagining masculinity陽剛之氣.
282
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我作為跨性別者的意義,
就是要重新思考男性化,
12:56
About creating創建 a manhood男子氣概
that isn't measured測量
283
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就是創造一個不取決於行使的權力、
承載的特權或衍生的控制大局幻象,
12:59
by the power功率 it wields揮動,
by the entitlements權益 afforded提供 to it,
284
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13:02
or any simulacrum仿 of control控制
that it can muster鼓起,
285
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2505
13:05
but works作品 in tandem串聯 with femininity女人味,
286
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而是與女性化相輔相成的男性化,
13:07
and is guided引導 by my spirit精神.
287
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而我的精神就是嚮導。
13:10
KKMkkm: Y'all你們 ...
288
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KKM:各位…
13:12
(Applause掌聲)
289
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2185
(掌聲)
13:16
And this has created創建 the space空間
for my femininity女人味 to flourish繁榮
290
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而這以我從未有經歷的方式
創造了豐富我女性特質的空間。
13:19
in a way I had never experienced有經驗的 before.
291
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3205
13:24
He never is threatened受威脅 by my sexuality性慾,
292
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我在性別方面的取態沒有威脅到他,
13:27
he never polices政策 what I wear穿 or how I act法案.
293
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他從未規定我應當如何穿著和言行。
13:31
I cook廚師 but he does way more
of the cleaning清潔的 than I do.
294
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我燒菜但他比我做更多的清潔工作。
13:34
And when we're rushing
to get out of the house
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當我們急著出門
13:37
and we have so much to handle處理,
296
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而我們有好多事要處理時,
13:38
he handles手柄 everything,
297
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他都一力承擔,
13:40
so I have time to do my hair頭髮 and makeup化妝.
298
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讓我有時間弄頭髮和化妝。
13:42
(Laughter笑聲)
299
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(笑聲)
13:44
He understands理解 that this is my armor盔甲,
300
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他明白這些都是我的武裝,
13:46
and he never treats對待 femininity女人味
as though雖然 it is frivolous輕浮 or superficial,
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他從未把女性特質視為輕浮膚淺,
13:51
and this, and him --
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而他…
13:53
he grows成長 my experience經驗
of gender性別 every一切 single day.
303
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每一天都豐富了我的性別體驗。
13:56
TMTM值: I love to watch her
get dressed連衣裙的 in the morning早上.
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TM:我喜歡看她早上穿衣。
13:59
Watching觀看 her in the closet壁櫥,
305
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看著她在衣櫥裡找舒適、
絢麗繽紛、緊身和安全的服裝…
14:01
looking for something comfortable自在
and colorful華美, and tight,
306
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14:04
and safe安全 --
307
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14:05
(Laughter笑聲)
308
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(笑聲)
14:07
But it's challenging具有挑戰性的 to watch her
negotiate談判 her decisions決定
309
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看著她跟自己討論決定甚為刺激:
14:09
looking for something that's going
to get the least最小 amount of attention注意,
310
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她要找一些吸引最少注視、
14:13
but at the same相同 time be an expression表達
of the vibrant充滿活力 and sexy性感的 woman女人 she is.
311
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但同時能彰顯她是活力
性感女性的衣服。
14:17
And all I want to do is celebrate慶祝
her for her beauty美女,
312
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2738
而我只想讚揚她的美麗
以及讓她美麗、獨特和自由的東西:
14:19
and the things that make her
beautiful美麗 and special特別 and free自由,
313
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2897
14:22
from her long acrylic丙烯酸樹脂 nails釘子,
314
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從她那長長的水晶指甲
14:24
to her uncompromising堅定的 black黑色 feminism女權主義.
315
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2020
到她那堅定不移的黑人女性主義。
14:26
(Applause掌聲)
316
854270
1666
(掌聲)
14:31
KKMkkm: I love you. TMTM值: I love you.
317
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KKM:我愛你。
TM::我愛你。
14:32
(Laughter笑聲)
318
860990
1150
(笑聲)
14:34
KKMkkm: There are so many許多 queer同性戀者
and trans反式 people
319
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2244
KKM:在我們之前
有無數的酷兒和跨性別人士,
14:37
who have come before us,
320
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14:38
whose誰的 stories故事 we will never get to hear.
321
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他們的故事我們永遠沒法聽到。
14:41
We constantly經常 experience經驗
this retelling複述 of history歷史
322
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3276
在歷史被重述時,
我們明顯地不斷受冷落。
14:44
where we are conspicuously顯著 left out.
323
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2136
14:47
And it's really hard
to not see ourselves我們自己 there.
324
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2845
在歷史中看不見自己是很難受的。
14:50
And so living活的 out loud for us
is about that representation表示.
325
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所以高聲活出自己
就是要在歷史留名。
14:54
It's about having possibility可能性 models楷模,
326
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2319
那是關乎樹立可能性榜樣
14:57
and having hope希望 that love is part部分
of our inheritance遺產 in this world世界, too.
327
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以及希望愛是世界留下一項遺產。
15:01
TMTM值: The possibility可能性 that we are practicing
328
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2006
TM:我們身體力行的可能性
15:03
is about reinventing重塑 time,
love and institutions機構.
329
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2847
就是重塑時間、愛情和制度。
15:07
We are creating創建 a future未來 of multiplicity多重.
330
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2239
我們正在建設一個多重的未來。
15:09
We are expanding擴大 the spectrum光譜
of gender性別 and sexuality性慾,
331
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3075
我們正在擴大性別的光譜,
15:12
imagining想像 ourselves我們自己 into existence存在,
332
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1889
把我們對自己的想像變成事實,
15:15
imagining想像 a world世界 where gender性別
is self-determined自我決定 and not imposed徵收,
333
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3604
想像性別是自決而非被強加的世界,
15:18
and where who we are
is a kaleidoscope萬花筒 of possibility可能性
334
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2917
當中我們擁有如萬花筒般的可能性,
15:21
without the narrow-minded思想狹隘 limitations限制
masquerading偽裝 as science科學 or justice正義.
335
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沒有那些偽裝成科學
或公義的狹隘限制。
15:27
(Applause掌聲)
336
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1722
(掌聲)
15:31
KKMkkm: And I can't lie謊言:
337
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1345
KKM:我不騙你,
15:33
it is really, really hard.
338
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2056
這真的非常困難。
15:35
It is hard to stand in the face面對 of bigotry偏執
339
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懷著開放心靈和笑容
去站出來對抗偏執是困難的。
15:38
with an open打開 heart and a smile微笑 on my face面對.
340
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2365
15:40
It is really hard to face面對 the injustice不公正
that exists存在 in the world世界,
341
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3231
面對世上存在的不公義,
同時相信人有能力改變,是困難的。
15:44
while still believing相信 in the ability能力
of people to really change更改.
342
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4030
15:48
That takes an enormous巨大 amount
of faith信仰 and dedication貢獻.
343
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這需要無比的信念與奉獻。
15:52
And beyond that,
344
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1286
除了這個之外,
15:53
marriage婚姻 is hard work.
345
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維繫婚姻是困難的差事。
15:55
(Laughter笑聲)
346
943501
1151
(笑聲)
15:56
Piles of dirty socks襪子 on the floor地板,
347
944676
2568
地板上推積如山的髒襪子,
15:59
more boring無聊 sports體育 shows節目
than I ever thought possible可能 --
348
947268
3761
比我想像得到更沉悶的體育節目…
16:03
(Laughter笑聲)
349
951053
1255
(笑聲)
16:04
And fights打架 that bring帶來 me to tears眼淚
350
952743
1744
以及在我們覺得無法溝通時爭吵後
我流下的眼淚。
16:06
when it feels感覺 like we're not
speaking請講 the same相同 language語言.
351
954511
2865
16:09
But there is not a day that goes by
352
957400
2119
但我從沒有一天
16:11
where I am not so grateful感激
to be married已婚 to this man;
353
959543
3233
不感激我跟這個男人結婚;
16:14
where I'm not so grateful感激 for
the possibility可能性 of changing改變 minds頭腦,
354
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3826
不感激我們有可能使思想改變、
16:18
and rewarding獎勵 conversations對話,
355
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1542
使對話對人有所裨益、
16:20
and creating創建 a world世界
where love belongs屬於 to us all.
356
968216
2980
創造一個愛屬於所有人的世界。
16:23
I think about our acronym縮寫:
357
971658
1457
我想起了我們的縮略語:
16:25
LGBTQLGBTQ2SIAsia.
358
973139
3971
LGBTQ2SIA。
16:31
A seemingly似乎 endless無窮 evolution演化
of self and a community社區,
359
979145
3653
看似無止境的自我與群體的演變,
16:34
but also this really deep desire慾望
not to leave離開 anyone任何人 behind背後.
360
982822
4035
卻有不想冷落任何人的深切渴望。
16:39
We've我們已經 learned學到了 how to love each other,
361
987525
1862
我們學習到如何彼此相愛,
16:41
and we've我們已經 committed提交 to loving愛心 each other
throughout始終 changes變化 to gender性別
362
989411
3839
性別和精神有變,
我們仍承諾彼此相愛。
16:45
and changes變化 in spirit精神.
363
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1568
16:47
And we learned學到了 this love
in our chat rooms客房,
364
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我們在聊天室、俱樂部、酒吧
和社區中心學習到這樣的愛。
16:49
in our clubs會所, in our bars酒吧
and in our community社區 centers中心.
365
997966
3680
16:53
We've我們已經 learned學到了 how to love
each other for the long haul運輸.
366
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2734
我們學習到如何長久地彼此相愛。
16:56
TMTM值 & KKMkkm: Thank you.
367
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TM & KKM:謝謝大家。
16:58
(Applause掌聲)
368
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3100
(掌聲)
Translated by Ivy Chen
Reviewed by Winston Szeto

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activist
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.

Why you should listen

Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic. 

Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.

Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.

More profile about the speaker
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.

Why you should listen

A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.

Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art­-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world. 

As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.

A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.

Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.

Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.

More profile about the speaker
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com

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