Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan: A queer vision of love and marriage
列・米蘭和金・凱特林・米蘭: 一份讓我們做自己的愛
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love. Full bioKim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
was on Facebook,
第一次對話是在Facebook上,
that I knew she was going to be my wife.
我知道她將會成為我的妻子。
amount of time for our courtship;
the vulnerable truths up front:
那脆弱的真相:
certificate should have stood for "False,"
應該是「錯誤的」意思,
pebbles in my shoes.
I took forward.
成為了男性,
a cisgender queer woman.
我是一名順性別的酷兒女性。
I was assigned at birth
我出生時是一名女性,
the many different ways
存在的各種形態中的一種。
restricted by gender
我不受自己的性別限制。
of who I am and how I've loved.
和我如何去愛的所有層次。
from the very beginning.
相信他對我的追求。
from institutions and traditions.
to commit to each other
對彼此做出承諾。
of the "Golden Rule,"
the way we want to be treated.
the standard for other people,
the way they want to be treated,
of love that Tiq needed
about his fears, his insecurities --
包括他的恐懼與不安,
kind of love I needed.
被拒絕和完全空虛的陰霾。
of their love because I was trans.
所以我不值得被愛。
跨性別者的無情文化。
transgender people.
and often signed into law.
往往被寫進法律裡。
from internalizing that message,
of community work behind us,
of a family in front of us,
and a bit of an orphan,
不常跟家人待在一起,
the differences in our strengths
我們強項之間的分別:
but we don't live marginalized lives.
但我們卻不是過著邊緣化的生活。
new ways of existing.
就是以新的方式生存。
過於自信或放縱的女性。
too proud and too freeing.
或成為我的終身伴侶,
was going to be my helper or my rib,
to reign in, control or critique.
不是由我來駕馭、控制或批判。
和永遠堅守自己的同理心,
sight of her empathy.
about setting each other free.
his mother's incredible legacy.
were able to start from that place,
that was around figuring out
to grow into the people that we were
以與眾不同的方式成長。
committed to each other
令我們對彼此做出承諾,
concern when I transitioned
就是當我轉性後
precluded me from love and monogamy
就要被愛情和夫妻制度拒之門外嗎﹖
born in the wrong body?
that has to be reframed
binary thinking on gender
along the numb keloid scars
留下的無知覺疙瘩疤痕。
all the way out to my outer torso.
一路延伸到我的外軀幹。
reminders of my strength
conventional trajectories
愛情和親密關係的傳統軌跡,
to bless a union for folks like us,
祝福我們這種人的結合,
supposed to recognize it.
after meeting online,
of City Hall in Manhattan,
in every conceivable way.
reimagined some traditions,
that we worked in,
that worked for us.
with wildflowers from Brooklyn --
都是來自布魯克林的野花,
and sage to keep us grounded
用來平靜我們的心情,
sister healer friend of ours.
和藹可親的甜姐兒朋友安排。
are not my thing,
都不是我的風格,
my father's bastard child,
因為我是父親的私生女,
an apology, a secret, an imposition.
是他的秘密,是他被迫接受的東西。
那感覺是非常痛快的。
who chose me first.
and some close friends,
as we took our vows.
photos on Facebook,
than just a union of two people,
for the millions of LGBTQ folks
is antithetical to who they are --
跟他們的身分是對立的。
who rarely get to see ourselves
而我們就要讓他們知道這是可能的。
because of our identities,
自身的身分而被邊緣化,
to be the people that we are.
去展現真實的自我。
receptive and shape-shifting.
開放心靈,懂得接納和轉變型態。
source of, our strength.
of that strength.
poet Brandon Wint:
布蘭登・温特的話:
queer like escaping definition.
而是不受定義約束的酷兒。
and limitlessness all at once.
too strange to be conquered.
to imagine what love can look like,
並追求愛的酷兒。」
who are living their authentic selves
橫跨性別光譜活出真我,
that always is present
總是存在的焦慮暗湧。
is murdered every 21 hours.
就有一名跨性别人士被殺。
trans murders on record this year
比以往任何一年都要高。
than this rigid dichotomy
力量與柔韌兩者之間的嚴格二分。
complexity on these margins,
擴大人類的複雜性,
on these margins.
that we have literally never seen before;
我們從未見過的世界;
on love and not by blood,
have been shown ourselves.
love from our families --
that we trust most.
entirely new languages of love.
就是創造全新的愛的語言。
for us to be our authentic selves
讓我們活出真我,
應該如何的標準強加於人。
is supposed to be.
in love and inclusion
作為達致革命性轉變的工具。
先入為主觀念就可以—
gender, in their skin --
應是如何的觀念—
to unlearn these deep-seated biases
這些根深蒂固的偏見、
to be self-determined,
和擁抱自我就可以。
world than the one we were born into.
比我們出生時更好的世界。
寫進歷史裡。
that we were here.
into our relationship
讓社群見證我們的親密關係。
to make maps to the future
是要繪畫通往未來的地圖,
other peoples' experience,
complicate this idea
把愛和婚姻應是如何的問題複雜化。
are supposed to be.
為他人立下一切可行的榜樣,
a mirror up to ourselves.
always the best listener,
of our progress as a couple.
阻礙了伴侶兩人的成長。
these deep-seated, sexist ideas
對女性的體驗根深蒂固的歧視。
of a woman's experience in the world.
to be in allyship with my wife.
我與妻子結盟的意義。
of a lot of things, too.
堅持立場的同時,對人寬容。
we got into a massive fight.
and our lived experiences --
puts ourselves entirely on the line.
都使我們完全處於苦境。
over the course of two days --
together to each other,
to each other and to our marriage.
some of the most passionate parts
一些最熱情激昂的部分。
with being a man don't define me,
for how it shows up in my life every day.
to do all of the emotional labor
打開溝通渠道的情感工作,
when I'd rather clam up and run away.
instead of facing my own vulnerabilities,
反而收起對妻子的情感支持,
miscarriage we suffered last year,
令人心碎的流產的時候,
we get to take the easy way out.
簡單的方式解決事情。
is about reimagining masculinity.
就是要重新思考男性化,
that isn't measured
承載的特權或衍生的控制大局幻象,
by the entitlements afforded to it,
that it can muster,
for my femininity to flourish
創造了豐富我女性特質的空間。
of the cleaning than I do.
to get out of the house
as though it is frivolous or superficial,
of gender every single day.
get dressed in the morning.
絢麗繽紛、緊身和安全的服裝…
and colorful, and tight,
negotiate her decisions
to get the least amount of attention,
of the vibrant and sexy woman she is.
性感女性的衣服。
her for her beauty,
以及讓她美麗、獨特和自由的東西:
beautiful and special and free,
TM::我愛你。
and trans people
有無數的酷兒和跨性別人士,
this retelling of history
我們明顯地不斷受冷落。
to not see ourselves there.
is about that representation.
就是要在歷史留名。
of our inheritance in this world, too.
love and institutions.
of gender and sexuality,
is self-determined and not imposed,
is a kaleidoscope of possibility
masquerading as science or justice.
或公義的狹隘限制。
去站出來對抗偏執是困難的。
that exists in the world,
同時相信人有能力改變,是困難的。
of people to really change.
of faith and dedication.
than I ever thought possible --
我流下的眼淚。
speaking the same language.
to be married to this man;
the possibility of changing minds,
where love belongs to us all.
of self and a community,
not to leave anyone behind.
throughout changes to gender
我們仍承諾彼此相愛。
in our chat rooms,
和社區中心學習到這樣的愛。
and in our community centers.
each other for the long haul.
ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activistAlready a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.
Why you should listen
Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic.
Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.
Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.
Why you should listen
A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.
Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world.
As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.
A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.
Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.
Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com