ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activist
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.

Why you should listen

Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic. 

Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.

Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.

More profile about the speaker
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.

Why you should listen

A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.

Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art­-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world. 

As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.

A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.

Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.

Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.

More profile about the speaker
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com
TEDWomen 2016

Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan: A queer vision of love and marriage

列・米兰和吉姆・凯特林・米兰: 爱情让我们成全自己

Filmed:
1,566,834 views

爱是一个能够带来革命性变化的,为LGBTQ+群体带来包容性和理解性的工具。列和吉姆凯特林・米兰夫妇想象他们的婚姻-一名跨性别男性和一名顺性别女性-能为各种情况的人们树立了可能性。带着那充满感染力的快乐,列和吉姆闻问我们关于他们群体的误解,并像我们展示了一种包容性的,挑战性的爱一天天成长的愿景。
- Transgender activist
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love. Full bio - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
TiqTIQ Milan米兰: Our first conversation会话
was on FacebookFacebook的,
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列・米兰(TM):我们的
第一次对话是在Facebook,
00:15
and it was three days long.
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那长达三天之久。
00:17
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
00:19
We shared共享 over 3,000 messages消息 between之间 us,
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我们之间分享了超过3000条讯息,
00:21
and it was during those 72 hours小时
that I knew知道 she was going to be my wife妻子.
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在那72小时里,我就知道了
她将成为我的妻子。
00:26
We didn't wait any prerequisite条件
amount of time for our courtship求爱;
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我们没有为我们的恋爱
等待那些建议的时间;
00:29
we told each other
the vulnerable弱势 truths真理 up front面前:
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我们事先就告诉了彼此
那脆弱的真相:
00:32
I am a transgender变性 man,
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我是一名变性男性,
00:33
which哪一个 means手段 the F on my birth分娩
certificate证书 should have stood站在 for "False,"
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意思就是我出生证上的字母F,
应该代表单词“错误的”,
00:37
instead代替 of "Female."
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而非“女性”。
00:38
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
00:39
Walking步行 around as a woman女人 in the world世界
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在这个世界上
以女性的身份走来走去
00:41
felt like walking步行 with
pebbles卵石 in my shoes.
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感觉就像是鞋里的鹅卵石杠着脚。
00:44
It took the rhythm韵律 out of my swagger昂首阔步,
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它使我无法昂首阔步,
00:46
it threw me off balance平衡,
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它使我失去平衡,
00:47
it pained苦涩 me with every一切 step
I took forward前锋.
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它让我的每一步前行都感到疼痛。
00:49
But today今天 I'm a man of my own拥有 intention意向;
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但今天,我自愿成为男性;
00:52
a man of my own拥有 design设计.
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我设计了自己。
00:54
Kim Katrin卡特琳 Milan米兰: I am
a cisgender顺性别 queer同性恋者 woman女人.
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吉姆・凯特林・米兰(KKM):
我是一名顺性别的性别认同疑惑女性。
00:57
Cisgender顺性别 means手段 the gender性别
I was assigned分配 at birth分娩
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顺性别的意思是
我出生时是一名女性
00:59
is still and has always been female.
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现在,一直以来都还是女性。
01:02
This doesn't make me natural自然 or normal正常,
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但并不因此我就变得自然或正常,
01:05
this is just one way of describing说明
the many许多 different不同 ways方法
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这只是用于描述
我们在这个世界上存在的
01:08
that we exist存在 in this world世界.
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各种形态中的一种。
01:10
And queer同性恋者 is a cultural文化 term术语,
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queer是一个文化术语,
(可以表示古怪的,或是俚语同性恋)
01:12
but in this case案件,
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但是在这种语境中,
01:13
it refers to the way that I'm not
restricted限制 by gender性别
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是指我并不严格受到我的性别限制
01:15
when it comes to choosing选择 partners伙伴.
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去选择我的另一半。
01:17
I've identified确定 in a few少数 different不同 ways方法 --
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我找到了一些不同的方式来描述—
01:19
as a bisexual双性恋, as a lesbian女同性恋 --
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—作为一名双性恋,一名女同性恋—
01:21
but for me,
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—但是对于我来说,
01:22
queerness酷儿 encompasses包括 all of the layers
of who I am and how I've loved喜爱.
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性别认同疑惑这个词包括了
我的全部,还有我爱的方式。
01:27
I'm layers, and not fractions馏分.
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我是多层的,而不是分裂的。
01:30
And for me,
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对我来说,
01:31
the fact事实 that he was queer同性恋者
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他也是性别认同疑惑者的事实
01:32
meant意味着 that I could trust相信 his courtship求爱
from the very beginning开始.
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意味着我从一开始
就能够信任他对我的爱。
01:36
As queer同性恋者 and trans反式 people,
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作为同性恋和跨性别人群,
01:37
we're so often经常 excluded排除
from institutions机构 and traditions传统.
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我们是如此经常的
被制度和传统拒之门外。
01:41
We create创建 spaces空间 outside of convention惯例,
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我们在传统之外创建了新空间,
01:44
including包含 the conventions公约 of time.
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也突破了包括时间的传统。
01:46
And in those 3,000 messages消息 between之间 us,
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在我们之间的那3000条信息,
01:49
we collapsed倒塌 time;
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我们使时间崩塌;
01:51
we queeredqueered it;
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我们毁坏了它;
01:52
we laid铺设 it all on the table.
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我们把它全部放在了台面上。
01:54
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
01:55
With no pretense虚伪 at all.
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没有任何的虚假。
01:57
And this meant意味着 that we were able能够
to commit承诺 to each other
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这就意味着我们可以
用截然不同的方式
02:00
in a profoundly深深 different不同 way.
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对彼此做出承诺。
02:02
So often经常 what we're told is this idea理念
of the "Golden金色 Rule规则,"
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我们经常被告知那个“黄金条约”,
02:06
that we should treat对待 other people
the way we want to be treated治疗.
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就是己所不欲,勿施于人。
02:10
But the problem问题 with that
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但是问题是,
02:11
is that it assumes假设 that we are
the standard标准 for other people,
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这是建立在我们作为他人
的标准的假想之上的,
02:14
and we're not.
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但我们并不是。
02:15
We need to treat对待 other people
the way they want to be treated治疗,
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“己所不欲,勿施于人”的
意思是我们
02:19
which哪一个 means手段 we had to ask.
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要张口询问别人要什么。
02:21
I couldn't不能 assume承担 that the kind
of love that TiqTIQ needed需要
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我不能保证我所想要的那种爱
02:23
was the same相同 kind of love that I needed需要.
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和列想要的是同一种。
02:25
So I asked him everything --
about his fears恐惧, his insecurities不安全感 --
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所以我就问他所有的一切
-关于他的担忧,不安全感-
02:30
and we started开始 from there.
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我们从那里开始。
02:31
TMTM值: I didn't know what
kind of love I needed需要.
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TM:我不知道我想要什么样的爱。
02:34
I had just come out of a year-long一年之久 fog多雾路段
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我刚刚走出长达一年的灰暗期,
02:36
of being存在 rejected拒绝 and utterly完全 depleted耗尽.
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在其中,我被排斥,被彻底删除。
02:38
I had someone有人 look me in my eyes眼睛
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有些人看着我的眼睛,
02:40
and tell me that I was unworthy不值得
of their love because I was trans反式.
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告诉我,我不值得他们的爱,
因为我是跨性别人群。
02:44
And there's a culture文化 of lovelessness缺乏爱
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我们创造了跨性别人群身边的
02:46
that we've我们已经 created创建 around
transgender变性 people.
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爱的文化。
02:48
It's reasoned理由, justified有理
and often经常 signed into law.
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这是合理的,正当的,
被法律认可的。
02:51
And I was a heartbeat心跳 away
from internalizing内在 that message信息,
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我差一点点就认同了那些信息——
02:54
that I wasn't worthy值得.
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我不值得。
02:56
But Kim said that I was her ideal理想 --
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但吉姆说我是她的理想型——
02:58
the heartbroken肠断 mess食堂 that I was.
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即使是我心碎是的糟糕样子。
02:59
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
03:01
KKMKKM: He totally完全 was my ideal理想.
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KKM:他完全是我的理想型。
03:03
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
03:04
In more ways方法 than one.
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在很多方面都是这样。
03:05
Both poets诗人, writers作家, creatives创意
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我们都是诗人,作家,创想者
03:08
with a long history历史
of community社区 work behind背后 us,
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参加过很长时间的社区工作,
03:10
and big, huge巨大 dreams
of a family家庭 in front面前 of us,
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在我们面前还有家庭的大梦想,
03:13
we shared共享 a lot of things in common共同,
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我们有很多共同点,
03:15
but we were also incredibly令人难以置信 different不同.
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但是我们又非常不同。
03:17
I've been a lifelong终身 traveler游客
and a bit of an orphan孤儿,
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我一生都在旅行,
从某种程度来说也算是孤儿,
03:20
whereas he comes from a huge巨大 family家庭,
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而他则来自一个巨大的家庭,
03:22
and definitely无疑 stays入住 grounded接地.
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过着绝对安定的生活。
03:24
I often经常 kind of sum up
the differences分歧 in our strengths优势
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我经常把我们之间的优势差异
03:27
by saying, "Keep me safe安全,
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总结为,“你给我安定,
03:28
and I'll keep you wild野生."
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我给你放纵自由。”
03:30
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
03:34
TMTM值: We have marginalized边缘化 identities身份
but we don't live生活 marginalized边缘化 lives生活.
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TM:我们虽然有着边缘化的身份,
但我们并不是边缘化地生活着。
03:39
Being存在 queer同性恋者 and trans反式 is about creating创建
new ways方法 of existing现有.
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作为性别认同疑惑,跨性别人群,
我们创造了新的生存方式。
03:42
It's about loving爱心 people as they are,
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爱一个人要爱这个人本身,
03:44
not as they're supposed应该 to be.
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而不是爱他应该被赋定的价值。
03:46
Kim is unapologetically辩解 feminine女人
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在这个往往对
03:48
in a world世界 that is often经常 cruel残忍 and violent暴力
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那些太过自信或放纵的女性
03:51
to women妇女 who are
too proud骄傲 and too freeing自由化.
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往往残酷暴力的世界里,
吉姆是充满女人味的。
03:53
And I didn't enter输入 into this union联盟
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和她在一起,
03:55
under the auspices主持 that she
was going to be my helper帮手 or my rib肋骨,
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我没有把她当作我的帮手,
或是我的附属,
03:58
but a fully充分 complex复杂 --
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她是一个复杂的个体。
04:00
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
04:01
KKMKKM: Right? That's not right.
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KKM:对吗?那是不对的。
04:04
TMTM值: But a fully充分 complex复杂 human人的 being存在
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TM:是一个完全复杂的人
04:05
whose谁的 femininity女人味 wasn't for me
to reign统治 in, control控制 or critique批判.
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而不是一个让我去统治,
控制或是批判的女性。
04:09
It's her brilliance,
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和她在一起,是因为她的聪明才智,
04:10
the way she leads引线 with compassion同情,
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她发挥同情心的方式,
04:12
and how she never loses失去
sight视力 of her empathy同情.
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她一直以来坚守的那份同情心。
04:14
She has been my hero英雄 since以来 day one.
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她从第一天起就变为了我的英雄。
04:18
(Applause掌声)
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(掌声)
04:21
KKMKKM: Our relationship关系 has always been
about setting设置 each other free自由.
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KKM:在我们的关系中,我们
一直都给予彼此自由。
04:25
One of the first questions问题 I asked him
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我首先问他的那些问题中
04:27
was what dreams he had left to accomplish完成,
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有一个就是有没有什么
没有完成的梦想,
04:29
and how would I help him get there.
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我可以怎样帮助他完成。
04:31
His dreams to live生活 as a poet诗人,
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他的梦想是以一名诗人的身份生活,
04:33
to adopt采用 and raise提高 a family家庭 together一起,
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收养孩子,养活一个家庭
04:35
to live生活 a life that he was proud骄傲 of,
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过一个他自己感到骄傲的人生
04:37
and one that would live生活 up to
his mother's母亲 incredible难以置信 legacy遗产.
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做一个不辜负母亲庞大遗产的人。
04:41
And I really appreciated赞赏 that we
were able能够 to start开始 from that place地点,
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我很开心我们能够
从那个角度开始对话,
04:44
and not from a place地点
that was around figuring盘算 out
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而尝试找到一个角度
04:47
how to make each other work together一起.
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让我们能相互接受。
04:49
And I think this really allowed允许 us
to grow增长 into the people that we were
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我认为这让我们变成了
我们现在这样
04:53
in a way that was incredibly令人难以置信 different不同.
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以一种完全不同的方式。
04:55
I love him whole整个;
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我全身心地爱他;
04:57
pre-transition前过渡, now and in the future未来.
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变性前,现在还有将来。
04:59
And it's this love that had us
committed提交 to each other
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是这样一份爱让我们忠于彼此
05:02
before we'd星期三 even seen看到 each other's其他 faces面孔.
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即使是在看见彼此相貌之前。
05:06
TMTM值: My mother's母亲 biggest最大
concern关心 when I transitioned转变
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TM:当我变性时,
我母亲最担心的,
05:09
was who was going to love me as I am.
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就是谁会爱这样一个我。
05:11
Had being存在 transgender变性 somehow不知何故
precluded排除 me from love and monogamy一夫一妻制
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变性的经历好像让我
被爱和夫妻制拒之门外,
05:17
because I was supposedly按说
born天生 in the wrong错误 body身体?
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仅仅因为我
出生在了错误的身体里吗?
05:20
But it's this type类型 of structuring结构
that has to be reframed重新定义
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这种体制必须被修正,
05:23
in order订购 to let love in.
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让爱能够进入其中。
05:25
My body身体 never betrayed背叛 me,
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我的身体从来没有背叛过我,
05:27
and my body身体 was never wrong错误.
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我的身体也没有任何错误。
05:29
It's this restrictive限制,
binary二进制 thinking思维 on gender性别
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是这种严格限制的性别二元思想
05:32
that said that I didn't exist存在.
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说这样的我不存在。
05:34
But when we met会见,
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但是当我们见面时,
05:35
she loved喜爱 me for exactly究竟 how I showed显示 up.
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她爱我,爱我存在的方式。
05:38
She would trace跟踪 her fingers手指
along沿 the numb麻木 keloid瘢痕疙瘩 scars伤疤
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她用手指去追寻我最近手术
05:41
left by my top最佳 surgery手术.
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留下的瘢痕。
05:42
Scars伤疤 that run from the middle中间 of my chest胸部
all the way out to my outer torso躯干.
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从胸部中间一直延续到外躯干的伤疤。
05:46
She said that these were
reminders提醒 of my strength强度
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她说这些是我的力量,
05:49
and everything that I went through通过
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我经历过的一切的见证,
05:51
and nothing for me to be ashamed羞愧 of.
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我不必为此感到耻辱。
05:53
So sprinting冲刺 towards her hand in marriage婚姻
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所以以短跑冲刺的速度向她求婚,
05:55
was the queerest最奇怪的 thing that I could do.
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是我做过的最奇怪的事。
05:57
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
05:59
It flew in the face面对 of more
conventional常规 trajectories轨迹
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但是当我们面对爱情与婚姻
06:02
of love and relationships关系,
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的传统轨道,
06:04
because God was never supposed应该
to bless保佑 a union联盟 for folks乡亲 like us,
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因为上帝从来就不应该给
像我们这样的人们爱的祝福,
06:07
and the law was never
supposed应该 to recognize认识 it.
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法律也从不应该去认可它。
06:10
KKMKKM: So on May可能 5, 2014,
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KKM:所以在2014年5月5号,
06:14
just about three months个月
after meeting会议 online线上,
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在网上认识三个月之后,
06:17
we were married已婚 on the steps脚步
of City Hall大厅 in Manhattan曼哈顿,
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我们在曼哈顿
市政厅的台阶上结婚了,
06:21
and it was beautiful美丽
in every一切 conceivable可以想象 way.
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从各个方面来看都十分美好。
06:25
It's safe安全 to say that we
reimagined重新想象 some traditions传统,
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保守的说,我们重构了一些传统,
06:29
but we also kept不停 some old ones那些
that we worked工作 in,
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但是我们也保留了
一些老的,我们适用的,
06:31
and we created创建 something
that worked工作 for us.
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我们创造了让我们
能彼此接受的方式
06:34
My bouquet花束 and corsage胸花 was actually其实 filled填充
with wildflowers野花 from Brooklyn布鲁克林 --
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我的花束和胸花都是
用布鲁克林的野花填补的-
06:39
also added添加 in a little bit of lavender薰衣草
and sage智者 to keep us grounded接地
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还加上了一点点薰衣草
和鼠尾草让我们保持平定
06:43
because we were so nervous紧张.
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因为我们太紧张了。
06:45
And it was put together一起 by a sweet
sister妹妹 healer治愈者 friend朋友 of ours我们的.
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这一切都是由我们
可爱的姐妹医生朋友操办的。
06:48
I never wanted a diamond钻石 ring,
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我从来都不想要一枚钻戒,
06:50
because conflict冲突 and convention惯例
are not my thing,
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因为冲突和传统不是我的风格,
06:52
so my ring is the deepest最深 purple紫色,
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我的戒指是暗紫色的,
06:54
like the color颜色 of my crown王冠 chakra查克拉,
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就像我的皇冠脉轮的颜色,
06:56
and set in place地点 with my birthstones生辰.
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然后在中间镶上我的出生石。
06:59
The gift礼品 of queerness酷儿 is options选项.
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我的身世也是一份选择的礼物。
07:01
I never had to choose选择 his last name名称,
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我不必去选择他的姓氏,
07:03
it was never an exception例外,
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这本是没有例外的事,
07:04
but I did because I am
my father's父亲的 bastard混蛋 child儿童,
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但是我有的原因是
我是父亲的私生子
07:08
someone有人 who has always been
an apology歉意, a secret秘密, an imposition征收.
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我就是一个充满歉意的,
秘密的,强加的存在。
07:12
And it was incredibly令人难以置信 freeing自由化
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能够去选择第一次
选择了我的男人的名字
07:14
to choose选择 the name名称 of a man
who chose选择 me first.
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那种感觉是难以置信的放飞。
07:17
(Applause掌声)
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(掌声)
07:24
TMTM值: So we told some family家庭
and some close friends朋友,
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TM:所以当我们告诉家人和朋友,
07:27
many许多 of whom were still in disbelief怀疑
as we took our vows誓言.
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他们中的许多
都难以置信我们宣了誓。
07:32
Fittingly恰逢, we posted发布 all of our wedding婚礼
photos相片 on FacebookFacebook的,
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确切的说,我们把结婚照
都放在了Facebook上,
07:35
where we met会见 --
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就是我们第一次相遇的地方——
07:36
and InstagramInstagram的, of course课程.
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当然,还有Instagram。
07:38
And we quickly很快 realized实现
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然后,我们很快意识到
07:40
that our coming未来 together一起 was more
than just a union联盟 of two people,
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我们在一起不仅仅是两个人的结合,
07:43
but was a model模型 of possibility可能性
for the millions百万 of LGBTQLGBTQ folks乡亲
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而是给那些被贩售了谎言——
家庭和婚姻
07:47
who have been sold出售 this lie谎言
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与他们天生对立——
07:48
that family家庭 and matrimony婚姻
is antithetical对立的 to who they are --
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的同性恋,双性恋,
和跨性别人群树立了一种可能性,
07:51
for those of us
who rarely很少 get to see ourselves我们自己
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给那些很少能在爱与幸福的瞬间里
07:54
reflected反射的 in love and happiness幸福.
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看到自己身影的人们树立了可能性。
07:56
KKMKKM: And the thing is,
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KKM:事实上,
07:57
absolutely绝对 we are marginalized边缘化
because of our identities身份,
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我们被边缘化
当然是因为我们的身份,
08:00
but it also emboldens鼓励了 us
to be the people that we are.
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但这也使我们
有胆量去展现真实的自我。
08:04
Queerness酷儿 is our major重大的 key;
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对性别认同感到疑惑是我们的钥匙;
08:05
blackness is our magic魔法.
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黑暗是我们的魔法。
08:07
It's because of these things
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是因为这些东西,
08:09
that we are able能够 to be hopeful有希望, open打开,
receptive接受 and shape-shifting形状转移.
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我们才能够变得充满希望,
开放,善于接纳,和转换形态。
08:14
These are the things that give us,
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是这些东西让我们成为了自己,
08:16
and are such这样 an incredible难以置信
source资源 of, our strength强度.
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是我们神奇的力量之源。
08:19
Our queerness酷儿 is a source资源
of that strength强度.
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我们的性别认同疑惑
就是力量的源泉。
08:21
I think of the words of Ottawa-based基于渥太华
poet诗人 Brandon布兰登 Wint温特:
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我想起了渥太华诗人
布兰登・温特的话:
08:25
"Not queer同性恋者 like gay同性恋者;
queer同性恋者 like escaping逃逸 definition定义.
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“性别认同疑惑不仅仅是同性恋,
而是一种好似被逃避的定义。
08:29
Queer同性恋者 like some sort分类 of fluidity流动性
and limitlessness无限性 all at once一旦.
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性别认同疑惑是一种
瞬间的流动性,无拘束感。
08:33
Queer同性恋者 like a freedom自由
too strange奇怪 to be conquered征服.
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性别认同疑惑是一种
无法抗拒的自由力量
08:36
Queer同性恋者 like the fearlessness无畏
to imagine想像 what love can look like,
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性别认同疑惑
是敢于去想象爱的境界,
08:40
and to pursue追求 it."
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并去追逐它的无畏精神。”
08:42
TMTM值: We are part部分 of a community社区 of folks乡亲 --
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TM:我们都是群体中的一部分-
08:44
Yeah, that's good right?
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是吧,这是一件不错的事?
08:45
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
08:48
We are part部分 of a community社区 of folks乡亲
who are living活的 their authentic真实 selves自我
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我们是这样的群体中的一员,
我们在性别线谱的任何位置,
08:52
all along沿 the gender性别 spectrum光谱,
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活出真实的自己。
08:54
despite尽管 the ubiquitous普及 threat威胁 of violence暴力,
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不管那些无处不在的暴力胁迫,
08:57
despite尽管 the undercurrent暗流 of anxiety焦虑
that always is present当下
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不管那些总是为
以自我方式生活的人们
09:00
for people who live生活 on their own拥有 terms条款.
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而存在的焦虑暗流。
09:02
Globally在全球范围内, a transgender变性 person
is murdered谋杀 every一切 21 hours小时.
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从世界范围来说,每21个小时
就会有一名跨性别人士被谋杀。
09:07
And the United联合的 States状态 has had more
trans反式 murders谋杀 on record记录 this year
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而美国今年记录在案的
跨性别人群谋杀案
09:13
than any year to date日期.
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达到历年最高值。
09:15
However然而, our stories故事 are much more
than this rigid死板 dichotomy二分法
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然而,我们的故事
远不只是这种力量与柔韧
09:19
of strength强度 and resilience弹性.
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的严格二分法。
09:20
We are expanding扩大 the human人的
complexity复杂 on these margins利润率,
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我们在这些边缘位置
扩充人类的复杂性,
09:24
and we are creating创建 freedom自由
on these margins利润率.
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我们在这些边缘位置创造自由。
09:28
KKMKKM: And we don't have any blueprints蓝图.
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KKM:我们没有所谓的蓝图。
09:30
We're creating创建 a world世界
that we have literally按照字面 never seen看到 before;
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我们正在创造一个
我们从未见过的世界;
09:34
organizing组织 families家庭 based基于
on love and not by blood血液,
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用爱,而不是鲜血去组建家庭,
09:38
guiding主导 by a compassion同情 that so few少数 of us
have been shown显示 ourselves我们自己.
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用很少有人能够展现的
那种同情心做为引导。
09:42
So many许多 of us have not received收到
love from our families家庭 --
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我们中的很多人都没有
能够从家庭中得到爱——
09:46
have been betrayed背叛 by the people
that we trust相信 most.
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被我们最信任的人所背叛。
09:49
So what we do here is we create创建
entirely完全 new languages语言 of love.
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所以我们现在做的,
就是为爱创造一种新语言。
09:54
Ones那些 that are about creating创建 the space空间
for us to be our authentic真实 selves自我
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是为我们真实的自我去创造空间,
09:58
and not imposing威风 this standard标准
223
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而不是将男性与女性应该如何
10:00
of what masculinity阳刚之气 or femininity女人味
is supposed应该 to be.
224
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的标准强加于大众。
10:04
TMTM值: We are interested有兴趣
in love and inclusion包容
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TM:我们是想要把爱和包容
10:07
as a tool工具 of revolutionary革命的 change更改, right?
226
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作为革命性变革的工具,对吧?
10:10
And the idea理念 is simply只是,
227
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想法其实很简单,
10:11
if we drop下降 all our preconceived先入为主 notions概念
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我们只要抛弃对于某人
10:13
about how somebody is supposed应该 to be --
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应该如何的先入为主的观念——
10:16
in their body身体, in their
gender性别, in their skin皮肤 --
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他们的身体,他们的性别,
他们的肤色——
10:19
if we take the intentional故意的 steps脚步
to unlearn忘记 these deep-seated根深蒂固 biases偏见
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如果我们有意愿的去抛弃
这些根深蒂固的偏见,
10:22
and create创建 space空间 for people
to be self-determined自我决定,
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为那些自我意志的人创造空间,
10:25
and embrace拥抱 who they are,
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接受他们真实的自己,
10:26
then we will definitely无疑 create创建 a better
world世界 than the one we were born天生 into.
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我们就一定会创造一个
比我们出生时的更好的世界。
10:30
(Applause掌声)
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(掌声)
10:37
KKMKKM: We want to mark标记 this time in history历史
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2002
KKM:我们想在这里留下
存在过的印记,
10:39
by leaving离开 evidence证据 of the fact事实
that we were here.
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去纪念这个历史的时刻。
10:43
We open打开 up little windows视窗
into our relationship关系
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我们为我们的关系打开了一扇窗户
10:46
for our community社区 to bear witness见证,
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让我们的群体去见证,
10:47
and we do this because we want
to make maps地图 to the future未来
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我们这样做是为了给未来描绘图景,
10:50
and not monuments纪念碑 to ourselves我们自己.
241
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1982
而不是为了给自己建碑。
10:53
Our experience经验 does not invalidate废止
other peoples'人们' experience经验,
242
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我们的经历并不能否定其他人的经验,
10:57
but it should and necessarily一定 does
complicate复杂 this idea理念
243
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但它应该,也必定会将爱
11:00
of what love and marriage婚姻
are supposed应该 to be.
244
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与婚姻的观念复杂化。
11:04
TMTM值: OK, now for all the talking,
245
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1976
TM:好的,我们现在说了这么多,
11:06
and inspiring鼓舞人心,
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做了这么多起人深思的事,
11:08
and possibility-modeling可能性建模 we've我们已经 doneDONE,
247
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1732
建立了可能性的结构,
11:09
we've我们已经 been nowhere无处 near perfect完善.
248
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但是我们离完美还很远。
11:11
And we've我们已经 had to hold保持
a mirror镜子 up to ourselves我们自己.
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我们必须给自己竖一面镜子。
11:14
And I saw that I wasn't
always the best最好 listener倾听者,
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我预见到了,
我并不总是最好的听众,
11:17
and that my ego自我 got in the way
of our progress进展 as a couple一对.
251
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3285
我的自我性也可能
阻碍我们夫妇的进步。
11:20
And I've had to really assess评估
these deep-seated根深蒂固, sexist性别歧视 ideas思路
252
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3368
我必须要去真正评估那些作为女性
11:23
that I've had about the value
of a woman's女人的 experience经验 in the world世界.
253
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3301
生活在这个世界上的
深层次的,性别观念。
11:27
I've had to reevaluate重新评估 what it means手段
to be in allyshipallyship with my wife妻子.
254
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我必须要重审与我妻子结婚的意义。
11:31
KKMKKM: And I had to remind提醒 myself
of a lot of things, too.
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KKM:我也需要提醒我自己很多事情。
11:34
What it means手段 to be hard on the issues问题,
256
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1984
什么才是真正的坚定办事,
11:36
but soft柔软的 on the person.
257
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宽容待人。
11:38
While we were writing写作 this,
we got into a massive大规模的 fight斗争.
258
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3432
当我们在撰写这次演讲稿时,
我们发生了激烈的争辩。
11:42
(Laughter笑声)
259
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1777
(笑声)
11:45
For so many许多 different不同 reasons原因,
260
693806
1918
因为这么多不同的原因,
11:47
but based基于 on the content内容 about our values
and our lived生活 experiences经验 --
261
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4331
但是基于我们的价值观
和我们的生活经历——
11:52
and we were really hurt伤害, you know?
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我们真的伤到了彼此,你们知道吗?
11:53
Because what we do and how we love
puts看跌期权 ourselves我们自己 entirely完全 on the line线.
263
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因为我们把所做的,我们爱的方式
投放在了极大的风险里。
11:59
But even though虽然 the fight斗争 lasted历时
over the course课程 of two days --
264
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3439
但是即使这场战斗持续了两天之久——
12:02
(Laughter笑声)
265
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(笑声)
12:04
We were able能够 to come back
together一起 to each other,
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我们还是回到了彼此身边,
12:07
and recommit再犯 to ourselves我们自己,
to each other and to our marriage婚姻.
267
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4153
我们忠于自己,忠于彼此,
忠于我们的婚姻。
12:11
And that really yielded产生
some of the most passionate多情 parts部分
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这带来了我们今天想在这里
和你们分享的
12:14
of what we share分享 with you here today今天.
269
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最具激情的部分。
12:16
TMTM值: I have had to interrogate审问 masculinity阳刚之气,
270
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TM:我必须要询问关于男子气概,
12:18
which哪一个 I think doesn't happen发生 enough足够.
271
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我认为这还不足够。
12:20
I've had to interrogate审问 masculinity阳刚之气;
272
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我必须要询问关于男子气概;
12:23
the toxic有毒的 privileges特权 that come
with being存在 a man don't define确定 me,
273
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3492
这种伴随男性本质而来的
剧毒特权并不能定义我,
12:26
but I have to be accountable问责
for how it shows节目 up in my life every一切 day.
274
734654
3316
但是我必须要对每天出现在
我生活中的男子气概负责。
12:30
I have allowed允许 my wife妻子
to do all of the emotional情绪化 labor劳动
275
738484
3367
我让我的妻子去从事
打开情感信号通路的工作
12:33
of prying open打开 the lines线 of communication通讯
when I'd rather clam up and run away.
276
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那种时刻,我宁愿选择沉默或是逃脱。
12:38
(Laughter笑声)
277
746137
1127
(笑声)
12:39
I've stripped剥离 away emotional情绪化 support支持
instead代替 of facing面对 my own拥有 vulnerabilities漏洞,
278
747288
4249
我揭去了感情支持,
而不是面对自己的脆弱心灵,
12:43
particularly尤其 around the heartbreaking令人心碎
miscarriage流产 we suffered遭遇 last year,
279
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3415
特别是去年
遭遇到心碎的流产之后,
12:47
and I'm sorry for that.
280
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我对此深感歉意。
12:48
Sometimes有时 as men男人,
we get to take the easy简单 way out.
281
756888
2482
有时候,作为一个男人,
我们总想简单摆脱。
12:51
And so my journey旅程 as a trans反式 person
is about reimaginingreimagining masculinity阳刚之气.
282
759770
4427
所以我跨性别的经历,也是
对男性特质的重新思考。
12:56
About creating创建 a manhood男子气概
that isn't measured测量
283
764838
2515
关于创造一种不是由权力,
12:59
by the power功率 it wields挥动,
by the entitlements权益 afforded提供 to it,
284
767377
3544
它被赋予的权利,或是各种
13:02
or any simulacrum仿 of control控制
that it can muster鼓起,
285
770945
2505
意义上的控制力所测定的,
13:05
but works作品 in tandem串联 with femininity女人味,
286
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1818
而是由与女性柔情的协调,
13:07
and is guided引导 by my spirit精神.
287
775316
1670
被个人精神所指引的。
13:10
KKMKKM: Y'all你们 ...
288
778924
1151
KKM:嗯……
13:12
(Applause掌声)
289
780099
2185
(掌声)
13:16
And this has created创建 the space空间
for my femininity女人味 to flourish繁荣
290
784033
3878
这也为我创造了空间,
以一种从未经历过的方式
13:19
in a way I had never experienced有经验的 before.
291
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3205
使我的女性特质蓬勃发展。
13:24
He never is threatened受威胁 by my sexuality性欲,
292
792042
3650
他从不会被我的性别取向所威胁,
13:27
he never polices政策 what I wear穿 or how I act法案.
293
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3163
他也从不限制我的穿着或是行为。
13:31
I cook厨师 but he does way more
of the cleaning清洁的 than I do.
294
799696
3194
我烧饭,但是他比我
做更多的清洁工作。
13:34
And when we're rushing
to get out of the house
295
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2192
当我们急着要出门的时候,
13:37
and we have so much to handle处理,
296
805130
1502
我们会有很多要做的东西,
13:38
he handles手柄 everything,
297
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1593
他会处理好一切,
13:40
so I have time to do my hair头发 and makeup化妆.
298
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2187
这样我就有时间去打扮头发,化妆。
13:42
(Laughter笑声)
299
810484
1150
(笑声)
13:44
He understands理解 that this is my armor盔甲,
300
812279
2451
他明白这是我的武器,
13:46
and he never treats对待 femininity女人味
as though虽然 it is frivolous轻浮 or superficial,
301
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4509
他从不把女性特质作为肤浅的,
表面的东西对待,
13:51
and this, and him --
302
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1816
而这,还有他——
13:53
he grows成长 my experience经验
of gender性别 every一切 single day.
303
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3320
他每天都帮我增长了对于性别的认知。
13:56
TMTM值: I love to watch her
get dressed连衣裙的 in the morning早上.
304
824810
2513
TM:我喜欢在清晨欣赏她穿衣。
13:59
Watching观看 her in the closet壁橱,
305
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1342
看着她在壁橱里,
14:01
looking for something comfortable自在
and colorful华美, and tight,
306
829261
2885
搜寻一些舒适的,
色彩斑斓的,贴身的,
14:04
and safe安全 --
307
832170
1432
安全感的衣物——
14:05
(Laughter笑声)
308
833626
1150
(笑声)
14:07
But it's challenging具有挑战性的 to watch her
negotiate谈判 her decisions决定
309
835093
2794
但是观看她如何与自我斗争,
去寻找那种不醒目,
14:09
looking for something that's going
to get the least最小 amount of attention注意,
310
837911
3488
但又要同时表现出
她是一名充满活力的
14:13
but at the same相同 time be an expression表达
of the vibrant充满活力 and sexy性感的 woman女人 she is.
311
841423
3621
性感的女性的衣服,
是一件颇具挑战性的事。
14:17
And all I want to do is celebrate庆祝
her for her beauty美女,
312
845068
2738
而我想做的只是去祝贺她的美丽,
14:19
and the things that make her
beautiful美丽 and special特别 and free自由,
313
847830
2897
那些让她变得美丽,
特别,自由的东西,
14:22
from her long acrylic丙烯酸树脂 nails钉子,
314
850751
1451
从她那长长的塑料指甲,
14:24
to her uncompromising坚定的 black黑色 feminism女权主义.
315
852226
2020
到她那毫不妥协的黑人女性特质。
14:26
(Applause掌声)
316
854270
1666
(掌声)
14:31
KKMKKM: I love you. TMTM值: I love you.
317
859315
1651
KKM:我爱你。
TM:我爱你。
14:32
(Laughter笑声)
318
860990
1150
(笑声)
14:34
KKMKKM: There are so many许多 queer同性恋者
and trans反式 people
319
862788
2244
KKM:在我们之前,还有那么多的
14:37
who have come before us,
320
865056
1393
性别认同疑惑者和跨性别人群,
14:38
whose谁的 stories故事 we will never get to hear.
321
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2695
我们却没有机会去听见他们的故事。
14:41
We constantly经常 experience经验
this retelling复述 of history历史
322
869547
3276
我们不断地看到像我们这样的人群
14:44
where we are conspicuously显着 left out.
323
872847
2136
被排除在外。
14:47
And it's really hard
to not see ourselves我们自己 there.
324
875527
2845
但是想忽略我们自身真的很难。
14:50
And so living活的 out loud for us
is about that representation表示.
325
878891
3479
所以,我们大声活出自我
就是一种体现。
14:54
It's about having possibility可能性 models楷模,
326
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2319
这是关于我们可能性的模型,
14:57
and having hope希望 that love is part部分
of our inheritance遗产 in this world世界, too.
327
885141
3861
关于爱能够成为
我们这个世界的遗产的期望。
15:01
TMTM值: The possibility可能性 that we are practicing
328
889792
2006
TM:我们正在塑造的这种可能性,
15:03
is about reinventing重塑 time,
love and institutions机构.
329
891822
2847
是关于重新定义时间,爱和制度的。
15:07
We are creating创建 a future未来 of multiplicity多重.
330
895093
2239
我们正在创造一个多样性的未来。
15:09
We are expanding扩大 the spectrum光谱
of gender性别 and sexuality性欲,
331
897724
3075
我们正在扩大性别和性取向的线谱,
15:12
imagining想象 ourselves我们自己 into existence存在,
332
900823
1889
想象我们自身存在的可能,
15:15
imagining想象 a world世界 where gender性别
is self-determined自我决定 and not imposed征收,
333
903167
3604
想象一个性别是由自身决定的,
而非被强加的世界,
15:18
and where who we are
is a kaleidoscope万花筒 of possibility可能性
334
906795
2917
想象一个不受伪装成科学
或正义的狭隘观念限制的
15:21
without the narrow-minded思想狭隘 limitations限制
masquerading伪装 as science科学 or justice正义.
335
909736
4379
我们能成为万千种可能性的世界。
15:27
(Applause掌声)
336
915193
1722
(掌声)
15:31
KKMKKM: And I can't lie谎言:
337
919840
1345
KKM:我不能说谎;
15:33
it is really, really hard.
338
921209
2056
因为那真的,真的很难。
15:35
It is hard to stand in the face面对 of bigotry偏执
339
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2693
我很难站在偏执的眼前,
15:38
with an open打开 heart and a smile微笑 on my face面对.
340
926360
2365
携着开放的心和满脸的微笑。
15:40
It is really hard to face面对 the injustice不公正
that exists存在 in the world世界,
341
928749
3231
要一边直面着存在
在这个世界上的不公平,
15:44
while still believing相信 in the ability能力
of people to really change更改.
342
932004
4030
一边能够坚信人们能够
改变的能力,真的很难。
15:48
That takes an enormous巨大 amount
of faith信仰 and dedication贡献.
343
936591
3068
这将花费巨大的信仰与执念。
15:52
And beyond that,
344
940058
1286
除此之外,
15:53
marriage婚姻 is hard work.
345
941368
2109
婚姻也是很困难的事。
15:55
(Laughter笑声)
346
943501
1151
(笑声)
15:56
Piles of dirty socks袜子 on the floor地板,
347
944676
2568
在地板上成堆的脏袜子,
15:59
more boring无聊 sports体育 shows节目
than I ever thought possible可能 --
348
947268
3761
远超过想象的无聊体育节目——
16:03
(Laughter笑声)
349
951053
1255
(笑声)
16:04
And fights打架 that bring带来 me to tears眼泪
350
952743
1744
那些使我流泪的争辩
16:06
when it feels感觉 like we're not
speaking请讲 the same相同 language语言.
351
954511
2865
有时让我感到我们根本
就是鸡同鸭讲。
16:09
But there is not a day that goes by
352
957400
2119
但是,在过去的每一天里,
16:11
where I am not so grateful感激
to be married已婚 to this man;
353
959543
3233
我都为嫁给了这个男人而感激;
16:14
where I'm not so grateful感激 for
the possibility可能性 of changing改变 minds头脑,
354
962800
3826
我都为能够有机会改变观念,
16:18
and rewarding奖励 conversations对话,
355
966650
1542
做有价值的谈话,
16:20
and creating创建 a world世界
where love belongs属于 to us all.
356
968216
2980
创造一个爱属于我们的世界而感激。
16:23
I think about our acronym缩写:
357
971658
1457
我想了一下形容我们的
首字母缩写简称:
16:25
LGBTQLGBTQ2SIASIA.
358
973139
3971
LGBTQ2SIA
16:31
A seemingly似乎 endless无穷 evolution演化
of self and a community社区,
359
979145
3653
一个看似无止境的
自我与群体的演化,
16:34
but also this really deep desire欲望
not to leave离开 anyone任何人 behind背后.
360
982822
4035
但同时也是不想
留下任何人的深深的期望。
16:39
We've我们已经 learned学到了 how to love each other,
361
987525
1862
我们学习了如何爱彼此,
16:41
and we've我们已经 committed提交 to loving爱心 each other
throughout始终 changes变化 to gender性别
362
989411
3839
我们学会了在经历
性别转变,精神改变的过程中,
16:45
and changes变化 in spirit精神.
363
993274
1568
忠于彼此的爱。
16:47
And we learned学到了 this love
in our chat rooms客房,
364
995319
2623
我们在聊天室里,俱乐部里,
16:49
in our clubs会所, in our bars酒吧
and in our community社区 centers中心.
365
997966
3680
酒吧里,社区中心里学到了这份爱。
16:53
We've我们已经 learned学到了 how to love
each other for the long haul运输.
366
1001670
2734
我们学会了如何一直爱着彼此。
16:56
TMTM值 & KKMKKM: Thank you.
367
1004932
1172
TM&KKM:谢谢。
16:58
(Applause掌声)
368
1006128
3100
(掌声)
Translated by Junyi Sha
Reviewed by Danica Shi

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activist
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.

Why you should listen

Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic. 

Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.

Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.

More profile about the speaker
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.

Why you should listen

A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.

Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art­-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world. 

As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.

A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.

Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.

Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.

More profile about the speaker
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com

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