ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activist
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.

Why you should listen

Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic. 

Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.

Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.

More profile about the speaker
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.

Why you should listen

A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.

Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art­-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world. 

As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.

A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.

Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.

Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.

More profile about the speaker
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com
TEDWomen 2016

Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan: A queer vision of love and marriage

Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan: Um amor que nos permite ser quem somos

Filmed:
1,566,834 views

O amor é uma ferramenta para mudanças revolucionárias e um caminho para o entendimento da inclusão para a comunidade LGBTQ+. Os ativistas Tiq e Kim Katrin Milan, um homem transgênero e uma mulher cisgênero, imaginaram seu casamento como um modelo de possibilidade para pessoas de todo o tipo. Com alegria contagiante, Tiq e Kim questionam nossos conceitos equivocados sobre quem eles podem ser e oferecem a visão de um amor inclusivo e desafiador que cresce a cada dia.
- Transgender activist
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love. Full bio - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
Tiq Milan: Our first conversation
was on Facebook,
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Tiq Milan: Nossa primeira conversa
foi no Facebook e durou três dias.
00:15
and it was three days long.
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00:17
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
00:19
We shared over 3,000 messages between us,
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Trocamos mais de 3 mil mensagens,
00:21
and it was during those 72 hours
that I knew she was going to be my wife.
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e foi durante aquelas 72 horas
que eu soube que ela seria minha esposa.
00:26
We didn't wait any prerequisite
amount of time for our courtship;
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Não esperamos nenhum pré-requisito
de tempo para nosso relacionamento;
00:29
we told each other
the vulnerable truths up front:
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revelamos nossas verdades
mais vulneráveis com franqueza.
Sou um homem transgênero,
00:32
I am a transgender man,
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00:33
which means the F on my birth
certificate should have stood for "False,"
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logo o "F" na minha certidão de nascimento
deveria significar "Falso",
em vez de "Feminino".
00:37
instead of "Female."
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00:38
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
00:39
Walking around as a woman in the world
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Andar por aí como uma mulher
era como caminhar com pedras nos sapatos.
00:41
felt like walking with
pebbles in my shoes.
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00:44
It took the rhythm out of my swagger,
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Isso tirou o ritmo da minha caminhada,
00:46
it threw me off balance,
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me fez perder o equilíbrio,
00:47
it pained me with every step
I took forward.
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me machucou a cada passo que dei.
00:49
But today I'm a man of my own intention;
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Mas hoje sou um homem
por minha própria intenção;
00:52
a man of my own design.
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por meu próprio projeto.
00:54
Kim Katrin Milan: I am
a cisgender queer woman.
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Kim Katrin Milan: Eu sou
uma mulher cisgênera.
00:57
Cisgender means the gender
I was assigned at birth
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Cisgênera significa que o gênero
que me foi dado ao nascer
00:59
is still and has always been female.
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ainda é e sempre foi feminino.
01:02
This doesn't make me natural or normal,
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Isso não faz de mim natural ou normal,
é apenas uma forma de descrever
as várias diferentes formas
01:05
this is just one way of describing
the many different ways
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01:08
that we exist in this world.
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em que existimos nesse mundo.
01:10
And queer is a cultural term,
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"Queer" é um termo cultural,
01:12
but in this case,
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mas, nesse caso, se refere ao fato
de eu não me restringir ao gênero,
01:13
it refers to the way that I'm not
restricted by gender
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quando escolho parceiros.
01:15
when it comes to choosing partners.
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Eu me identifiquei de maneiras diferentes:
como bissexual, como lésbica,
01:17
I've identified in a few different ways --
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01:19
as a bisexual, as a lesbian --
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mas, para mim, ser queer
engloba todas as camadas
01:21
but for me,
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01:22
queerness encompasses all of the layers
of who I am and how I've loved.
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de quem sou e de como tenho amado.
01:27
I'm layers, and not fractions.
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Sou camadas e não frações.
01:30
And for me,
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E, para mim, o fato de ele ser queer
01:31
the fact that he was queer
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significava que eu podia confiar
no seu cortejo desde o início.
01:32
meant that I could trust his courtship
from the very beginning.
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01:36
As queer and trans people,
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Como pessoas queer e trans,
01:37
we're so often excluded
from institutions and traditions.
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somos quase sempre excluídos
de instituições e tradições.
01:41
We create spaces outside of convention,
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Criamos espaços fora das convenções,
01:44
including the conventions of time.
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incluindo as convenções de tempo.
01:46
And in those 3,000 messages between us,
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E naquelas 3 mil mensagens trocadas,
01:49
we collapsed time;
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nós acabamos com o tempo,
01:51
we queered it;
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nos o aniquilamos;
01:52
we laid it all on the table.
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colocamos tudo às claras.
01:54
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
01:55
With no pretense at all.
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Sem qualquer pretensão.
Isso significava sermos capazes
de nos comprometer um com o outro
01:57
And this meant that we were able
to commit to each other
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02:00
in a profoundly different way.
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de um modo diferente e profundo.
02:02
So often what we're told is this idea
of the "Golden Rule,"
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Frequentemente nos dizem
que a ideia da "Regra de Ouro" é:
02:06
that we should treat other people
the way we want to be treated.
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devemos tratar as pessoas
da forma que queremos ser tratados.
02:10
But the problem with that
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Mas o problema disso
02:11
is that it assumes that we are
the standard for other people,
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é que parte da premissa que somos
o padrão das outras pessoas.
E não somos.
02:14
and we're not.
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Precisamos tratar os outros da forma
que eles desejam ser tratados,
02:15
We need to treat other people
the way they want to be treated,
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o que significa que temos de perguntar.
02:19
which means we had to ask.
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02:21
I couldn't assume that the kind
of love that Tiq needed
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Eu não poderia presumir que o tipo
de amor que ele precisava
02:23
was the same kind of love that I needed.
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era o mesmo que eu precisava.
02:25
So I asked him everything --
about his fears, his insecurities --
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Então perguntei tudo a ele:
seus medos, suas inseguranças,
02:30
and we started from there.
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e começamos por aí.
TM: Eu não sabia que tipo
de amor eu precisava.
02:31
TM: I didn't know what
kind of love I needed.
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02:34
I had just come out of a year-long fog
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Eu vinha de um ano de trevas,
02:36
of being rejected and utterly depleted.
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rejeitado e totalmente esgotado.
02:38
I had someone look me in my eyes
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Alguém tinha olhado em meus olhos
02:40
and tell me that I was unworthy
of their love because I was trans.
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e dito que eu não merecia seu amor
porque eu era transgênero.
02:44
And there's a culture of lovelessness
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E existe uma cultura de falta de amor
que criamos em torno
das pessoas transgêneras.
02:46
that we've created around
transgender people.
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Ela é pensada, justificada
e muitas vezes até definida em lei.
02:48
It's reasoned, justified
and often signed into law.
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02:51
And I was a heartbeat away
from internalizing that message,
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E eu estava a um passo
de internalizar essa mensagem
de que eu não era merecedor.
02:54
that I wasn't worthy.
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Mas a Kim disse que eu era seu par ideal:
o coração partido e confuso que eu era.
02:56
But Kim said that I was her ideal --
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02:58
the heartbroken mess that I was.
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02:59
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
03:01
KKM: He totally was my ideal.
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KKM: Ele com certeza era o meu par ideal.
03:03
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
03:04
In more ways than one.
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Em mais de uma maneira.
03:05
Both poets, writers, creatives
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Ambos poetas, escritores, criativos,
03:08
with a long history
of community work behind us,
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com uma longa história
de trabalho comunitário
03:10
and big, huge dreams
of a family in front of us,
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e grandes, enormes sonhos
de família à nossa frente.
03:13
we shared a lot of things in common,
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Tínhamos várias coisas em comum,
mas também éramos
incrivelmente diferentes.
03:15
but we were also incredibly different.
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03:17
I've been a lifelong traveler
and a bit of an orphan,
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Fui viajante por toda a vida
e um pouco órfã,
03:20
whereas he comes from a huge family,
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enquanto ele vem de uma família enorme,
03:22
and definitely stays grounded.
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e definitivamente fica plantado no lugar.
03:24
I often kind of sum up
the differences in our strengths
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Eu quase sempre resumia
as diferenças das nossas forças
03:27
by saying, "Keep me safe,
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dizendo: "Mantenha-me segura,
03:28
and I'll keep you wild."
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e eu o manterei selvagem".
03:30
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
03:34
TM: We have marginalized identities
but we don't live marginalized lives.
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TM: Nós temos identidades marginalizadas,
mas não vivemos vidas marginalizadas.
03:39
Being queer and trans is about creating
new ways of existing.
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Ser queer e trans tem a ver
com criar novas formas de existência
03:42
It's about loving people as they are,
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e amar as pessoas como elas são,
03:44
not as they're supposed to be.
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não como elas deveriam ser.
03:46
Kim is unapologetically feminine
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Kim é feminina sem remorsos
03:48
in a world that is often cruel and violent
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num mundo quase sempre cruel e violento
03:51
to women who are
too proud and too freeing.
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com mulheres tão orgulhosas e libertárias.
03:53
And I didn't enter into this union
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E eu não entrei nessa união
03:55
under the auspices that she
was going to be my helper or my rib,
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pela promessa de que ela seria
minha salvadora ou minha costela,
03:58
but a fully complex --
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mas um ser humano complexo...
04:00
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
04:01
KKM: Right? That's not right.
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KKM: Verdade? Isso não está certo.
04:04
TM: But a fully complex human being
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TM: Mas um ser humano complexo,
04:05
whose femininity wasn't for me
to reign in, control or critique.
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cuja feminilidade não existia
para meu domínio, controle ou crítica.
04:09
It's her brilliance,
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É o brilhantismo dela,
04:10
the way she leads with compassion,
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a forma como vive com compaixão
04:12
and how she never loses
sight of her empathy.
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e como nuca perde sua empatia de vista.
04:14
She has been my hero since day one.
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Ela tem sido minha heroína
desde o primeiro dia.
04:18
(Applause)
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(Aplausos)
04:21
KKM: Our relationship has always been
about setting each other free.
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KKM: Nosso relacionamento
sempre se baseou em deixar o outro livre.
Uma das primeiras perguntas que fiz foi
que sonhos ele tinha deixado de realizar,
04:25
One of the first questions I asked him
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04:27
was what dreams he had left to accomplish,
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e como eu poderia ajudá-lo a atingi-los.
04:29
and how would I help him get there.
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04:31
His dreams to live as a poet,
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Seu sonho de viver como um poeta,
adotar e criar uma família com alguém,
04:33
to adopt and raise a family together,
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04:35
to live a life that he was proud of,
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viver uma vida de que pudesse se orgulhar,
à altura do incrível legado de sua mãe.
04:37
and one that would live up to
his mother's incredible legacy.
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04:41
And I really appreciated that we
were able to start from that place,
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E eu realmente gostei
de podermos começar a partir daí,
04:44
and not from a place
that was around figuring out
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em vez de precisar descobrir
04:47
how to make each other work together.
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como fazer para darmos certo juntos.
04:49
And I think this really allowed us
to grow into the people that we were
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E creio que isso realmente nos permitiu
crescer dentro do que éramos
04:53
in a way that was incredibly different.
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de uma forma incrivelmente diferente.
04:55
I love him whole;
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Eu o amo completamente;
04:57
pre-transition, now and in the future.
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antes da transição, agora e no futuro.
04:59
And it's this love that had us
committed to each other
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É esse amor que nos manteve
comprometidos um com o outro
05:02
before we'd even seen each other's faces.
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antes mesmo de termos visto nossos rostos.
05:06
TM: My mother's biggest
concern when I transitioned
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TM: A maior preocupação da minha mãe,
quando fiz a transição,
05:09
was who was going to love me as I am.
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era quem iria me amar como eu sou.
05:11
Had being transgender somehow
precluded me from love and monogamy
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Ser transgênero, de alguma forma,
me excluía do amor e da monogamia
05:17
because I was supposedly
born in the wrong body?
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porque eu tinha supostamente
nascido num corpo errado?
05:20
But it's this type of structuring
that has to be reframed
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Mas é esse o tipo de lógica
que tem de ser repensada
05:23
in order to let love in.
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para deixar que o amor entre.
05:25
My body never betrayed me,
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Meu corpo nunca me traiu,
05:27
and my body was never wrong.
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e meu corpo nunca esteve errado.
05:29
It's this restrictive,
binary thinking on gender
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É esse pensamento limitante
e binário sobre gêneros
05:32
that said that I didn't exist.
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que dizia que eu não existia.
05:34
But when we met,
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Mas, quando nos encontramos,
05:35
she loved me for exactly how I showed up.
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ela me amou exatamente
pelo que eu mostrava ser.
05:38
She would trace her fingers
along the numb keloid scars
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Ela traçava com os dedos as cicatrizes
05:41
left by my top surgery.
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deixadas por minha cirurgia.
05:42
Scars that run from the middle of my chest
all the way out to my outer torso.
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Cicatrizes que vão do meio do meu peito
até a parte externa do meu torso.
05:46
She said that these were
reminders of my strength
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Ela dizia que eram
lembranças da minha força,
05:49
and everything that I went through
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de tudo pelo que eu havia passado
e que não havia do que me envergonhar.
05:51
and nothing for me to be ashamed of.
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Então correr a pedir sua mão em casamento
05:53
So sprinting towards her hand in marriage
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era a coisa mais inesperada
que eu poderia fazer.
05:55
was the queerest thing that I could do.
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05:57
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
05:59
It flew in the face of more
conventional trajectories
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Isso era oposto às trajetórias
mais convencionais
06:02
of love and relationships,
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de amor e relacionamento,
06:04
because God was never supposed
to bless a union for folks like us,
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porque Deus nunca iria abençoar
uma união de duas pessoas como nós
e a lei nunca a reconheceria.
06:07
and the law was never
supposed to recognize it.
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06:10
KKM: So on May 5, 2014,
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KKM: Assim, em 5 de maio de 2014,
06:14
just about three months
after meeting online,
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apenas três meses após
nosso encontro on-line,
06:17
we were married on the steps
of City Hall in Manhattan,
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nos casamos nos degraus
da prefeitura de Manhattan,
06:21
and it was beautiful
in every conceivable way.
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e isso foi maravilhoso
em todas as formas que se possa imaginar.
06:25
It's safe to say that we
reimagined some traditions,
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É certo dizer que recriamos
algumas tradições,
mas mantivemos algumas antigas,
06:29
but we also kept some old ones
that we worked in,
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nas quais trabalhamos, e criamos
algo que funcionava para nós.
06:31
and we created something
that worked for us.
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06:34
My bouquet and corsage was actually filled
with wildflowers from Brooklyn --
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Meu buquê e o enfeite de meu vestido
eram de flores silvestres do Brooklyn;
06:39
also added in a little bit of lavender
and sage to keep us grounded
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também havia um pouco de lavanda e sálvia
para nos manter com os pés no chão,
06:43
because we were so nervous.
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porque estávamos muito nervosos.
06:45
And it was put together by a sweet
sister healer friend of ours.
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Isso foi feito por uma irmã
curandeira, amiga nossa.
Eu nunca quis um anel de diamantes,
06:48
I never wanted a diamond ring,
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06:50
because conflict and convention
are not my thing,
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porque conflitos e convenções
não são a minha cara,
06:52
so my ring is the deepest purple,
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1805
então meu anel é púrpura escuro
06:54
like the color of my crown chakra,
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como a cor do meu chakra da coroa,
06:56
and set in place with my birthstones.
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com as pedras do meu mês de nascimento.
06:59
The gift of queerness is options.
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O bom de ser queer são as opções.
Eu não tinha de escolher seu sobrenome,
07:01
I never had to choose his last name,
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07:03
it was never an exception,
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isso nunca foi uma exceção,
07:04
but I did because I am
my father's bastard child,
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mas escolhi porque sou
filha bastarda de meu pai,
07:08
someone who has always been
an apology, a secret, an imposition.
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4002
alguém que sempre foi uma apologia,
um segredo, uma imposição.
07:12
And it was incredibly freeing
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E foi incrivelmente libertador
07:14
to choose the name of a man
who chose me first.
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escolher o nome do homem
que me escolheu primeiro.
07:17
(Applause)
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(Aplausos)
07:24
TM: So we told some family
and some close friends,
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TM: Então contamos a alguns
familiares e amigos próximos,
07:27
many of whom were still in disbelief
as we took our vows.
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muitos deles ainda estavam descrentes
enquanto fazíamos nossos votos.
07:32
Fittingly, we posted all of our wedding
photos on Facebook,
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3089
Apropriadamente, postamos todas
as fotos do casamento no Facebook,
07:35
where we met --
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1201
onde nos encontramos,
07:36
and Instagram, of course.
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e no Instagram, claro.
07:38
And we quickly realized
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1532
E logo percebemos
07:40
that our coming together was more
than just a union of two people,
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que ficarmos juntos era mais
do que a união de duas pessoas,
07:43
but was a model of possibility
for the millions of LGBTQ folks
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mas era um modelo de possibilidade
para milhões de pessoas LGBTQ
para quem haviam vendido a mentira
de que família e casamento
07:47
who have been sold this lie
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1329
07:48
that family and matrimony
is antithetical to who they are --
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eram uma antítese a quem eles eram,
07:51
for those of us
who rarely get to see ourselves
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para aqueles de nós
que raramente conseguem se ver
07:54
reflected in love and happiness.
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revestidos de amor e felicidade.
07:56
KKM: And the thing is,
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KKM: E o ponto é que somos marginalizados
por conta das nossas identidades,
07:57
absolutely we are marginalized
because of our identities,
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2722
08:00
but it also emboldens us
to be the people that we are.
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3335
mas isso também nos encoraja
a sermos quem somos.
08:04
Queerness is our major key;
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1900
Ser queer é nossa chave-mestra;
08:05
blackness is our magic.
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1902
ser negro é a nossa mágica.
08:07
It's because of these things
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1596
É por essas coisas
08:09
that we are able to be hopeful, open,
receptive and shape-shifting.
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4757
que podemos ser esperançosos,
abertos, receptivos e flexíveis.
08:14
These are the things that give us,
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1773
São essas coisas que nos dão força
08:16
and are such an incredible
source of, our strength.
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2612
e que são fontes
tão incríveis da nossa força.
08:19
Our queerness is a source
of that strength.
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2268
Ser queer é uma fonte dessa força.
08:21
I think of the words of Ottawa-based
poet Brandon Wint:
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489451
3110
Acho que as palavras do poeta
Brandon Wint, que vive em Otawa:
08:25
"Not queer like gay;
queer like escaping definition.
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4112
"Não queer como gay; queer
como fugir das definições.
08:29
Queer like some sort of fluidity
and limitlessness all at once.
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4142
Queer como algum tipo de fluidez
e falta de limites ao mesmo tempo.
08:33
Queer like a freedom
too strange to be conquered.
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2978
Queer como uma liberdade
muito estranha para ser conquistada.
08:36
Queer like the fearlessness
to imagine what love can look like,
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3267
Queer como não ter medo de imaginar
como o amor pode se parecer,
08:40
and to pursue it."
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508013
1278
e persegui-lo".
08:42
TM: We are part of a community of folks --
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2279
TM: Somos parte
de uma comunidade de pessoas...
08:44
Yeah, that's good right?
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512417
1172
Sim, isso é bom, não?
08:45
(Laughter)
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513613
1578
(Risos)
Somos parte de uma comunidade de pessoas
que vivem suas identidades autênticas
08:48
We are part of a community of folks
who are living their authentic selves
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516843
3790
08:52
all along the gender spectrum,
204
520657
2015
ao longo de todo o espectro de gêneros,
08:54
despite the ubiquitous threat of violence,
205
522696
2504
apesar da ameaça onipresente da violência,
08:57
despite the undercurrent of anxiety
that always is present
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525224
3033
apesar da corrente de ansiedade
que sempre está presente
09:00
for people who live on their own terms.
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528281
2268
para aqueles que vivem
por suas próprias regras.
09:02
Globally, a transgender person
is murdered every 21 hours.
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530573
3975
Globalmente, uma pessoa transgênera
é assassinada a cada 21 horas.
09:07
And the United States has had more
trans murders on record this year
209
535153
6599
E nos Estados Unidos houve mais
assassinatos trans neste ano
09:13
than any year to date.
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541776
1417
que em qualquer outro.
09:15
However, our stories are much more
than this rigid dichotomy
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4065
Entretanto, nossas histórias são mais
do que essa rígida dicotomia
09:19
of strength and resilience.
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1452
de força e resiliência.
09:20
We are expanding the human
complexity on these margins,
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548782
4117
Estamos expandindo as margens
da complexidade humana,
09:24
and we are creating freedom
on these margins.
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2750
e estamos criando
liberdade nessas margens.
09:28
KKM: And we don't have any blueprints.
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2196
KKM: E não temos quaisquer modelos.
09:30
We're creating a world
that we have literally never seen before;
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3854
Estamos criando um mundo
que, literalmente, nunca vimos antes;
09:34
organizing families based
on love and not by blood,
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3621
construir famílias baseadas
no amor e não no sangue,
09:38
guiding by a compassion that so few of us
have been shown ourselves.
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3952
guiar-se por compaixão,
que tão poucos de nós têm mostrado.
09:42
So many of us have not received
love from our families --
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570493
4014
Muitos de nós não recebemos amor
das nossas famílias,
09:46
have been betrayed by the people
that we trust most.
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574531
2819
temos sido traídos pelas pessoas
em quem mais confiamos.
09:49
So what we do here is we create
entirely new languages of love.
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4351
Então o que fazemos aqui é criar
linguagens de amor completamente novas.
09:54
Ones that are about creating the space
for us to be our authentic selves
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4397
Linguagens que criam espaço
para sermos genuinamente nós mesmos
09:58
and not imposing this standard
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2046
sem impor padrões
10:00
of what masculinity or femininity
is supposed to be.
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2901
de como a masculinidade
ou a feminilidade deveriam ser.
10:04
TM: We are interested
in love and inclusion
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592719
2296
TM: Estamos interessados
em amor e inclusão
10:07
as a tool of revolutionary change, right?
226
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2648
como uma ferramenta
revolucionária de mudança, certo?
10:10
And the idea is simply,
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1634
A ideia é simples:
10:11
if we drop all our preconceived notions
228
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2126
se deixarmos nossas noções preconcebidas
10:13
about how somebody is supposed to be --
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2060
sobre como alguém deveria ser,
10:16
in their body, in their
gender, in their skin --
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604012
3175
em relação a seu corpo,
seu gênero, sua pele,
se tomarmos decisões intencionais
10:19
if we take the intentional steps
to unlearn these deep-seated biases
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3756
para esquecer esses
preconceitos estabelecidos,
10:22
and create space for people
to be self-determined,
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2592
criarmos espaço para as pessoas
se autodeterminarem,
10:25
and embrace who they are,
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1328
e acolhermos quem elas são,
10:26
then we will definitely create a better
world than the one we were born into.
234
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3771
então vamos definitivamente criar um mundo
melhor do que aquele em que nascemos.
10:30
(Applause)
235
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1618
(Aplausos)
10:37
KKM: We want to mark this time in history
236
625954
2002
KKM: Queremos marcar
esse tempo na história
10:39
by leaving evidence of the fact
that we were here.
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2768
deixando evidências do fato
de que estivemos aqui.
10:43
We open up little windows
into our relationship
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2998
Abrimos pequenas janelas
em nosso relacionamento
10:46
for our community to bear witness,
239
634156
1673
para nossa comunidade testemunhar
10:47
and we do this because we want
to make maps to the future
240
635853
3027
e fazemos isso porque queremos
fazer mapas para o futuro
10:50
and not monuments to ourselves.
241
638904
1982
e não monumentos para nós mesmos.
10:53
Our experience does not invalidate
other peoples' experience,
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641475
3778
Nossa experiência não invalida
a experiência de outras pessoas,
10:57
but it should and necessarily does
complicate this idea
243
645277
3580
mas deve e necessariamente
complica essa ideia
11:00
of what love and marriage
are supposed to be.
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2680
de como o amor e o casamento deveriam ser.
11:04
TM: OK, now for all the talking,
245
652691
1976
TM: Certo, agora para toda a conversa,
11:06
and inspiring,
246
654691
1440
inspiração
11:08
and possibility-modeling we've done,
247
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1732
e possíveis modelos que temos sido,
11:09
we've been nowhere near perfect.
248
657911
1725
não estamos nem próximos à perfeição.
11:11
And we've had to hold
a mirror up to ourselves.
249
659660
2277
E temos de olhar
a nós mesmos em um espelho.
11:14
And I saw that I wasn't
always the best listener,
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662320
2815
Eu vi que nem sempre
fui o melhor ouvinte,
11:17
and that my ego got in the way
of our progress as a couple.
251
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3285
e que meu ego se colocou no caminho
do nosso progresso como casal.
11:20
And I've had to really assess
these deep-seated, sexist ideas
252
668468
3368
E eu realmente tive que analisar
essas ideias sexistas estabelecidas
11:23
that I've had about the value
of a woman's experience in the world.
253
671860
3301
que eu tinha sobre os valores
das experiências femininas no mundo.
Tive de reavaliar o significado
de estar aliado à minha esposa.
11:27
I've had to reevaluate what it means
to be in allyship with my wife.
254
675185
3434
11:31
KKM: And I had to remind myself
of a lot of things, too.
255
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3185
KKM: E tive de lembrar a mim mesma
uma série de coisas também.
11:34
What it means to be hard on the issues,
256
682819
1984
O que significa ser dura com os problemas,
11:36
but soft on the person.
257
684827
1752
mas suave com a pessoa.
11:38
While we were writing this,
we got into a massive fight.
258
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3432
Enquanto escrevíamos isso,
tivemos uma briga enorme.
11:42
(Laughter)
259
690459
1777
(Risos)
11:45
For so many different reasons,
260
693806
1918
Por várias razões diferentes,
11:47
but based on the content about our values
and our lived experiences --
261
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4331
mas baseada em nossos valores,
nossas experiências;
11:52
and we were really hurt, you know?
262
700103
1748
e ficamos realmente magoados, sabem?
11:53
Because what we do and how we love
puts ourselves entirely on the line.
263
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5050
Porque o que fazemos e como amamos
nos deixa completamente a descoberto.
11:59
But even though the fight lasted
over the course of two days --
264
707489
3439
Mas, apesar de a briga
ter durado dois dias,
12:02
(Laughter)
265
710952
1289
(Risos)
12:04
We were able to come back
together to each other,
266
712265
2819
fomos capazes de voltar um para o outro
12:07
and recommit to ourselves,
to each other and to our marriage.
267
715108
4153
e nos comprometermos conosco mesmos,
com o outro e com nosso casamento.
12:11
And that really yielded
some of the most passionate parts
268
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2721
E isso resultou em algumas
das partes mais apaixonadas
12:14
of what we share with you here today.
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1914
do que compartilhamos com vocês hoje.
12:16
TM: I have had to interrogate masculinity,
270
724444
2232
TM: Eu tive de questionar a masculinidade,
12:18
which I think doesn't happen enough.
271
726700
1780
o que acho que não acontece o suficiente.
12:20
I've had to interrogate masculinity;
272
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1789
Tive de questionar a masculinidade;
12:23
the toxic privileges that come
with being a man don't define me,
273
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3492
os privilégios tóxicos que vêm junto
com ser homem não me definem,
12:26
but I have to be accountable
for how it shows up in my life every day.
274
734654
3316
mas devo me responsabilizar pela forma
como eles aparecem na minha vida diária.
12:30
I have allowed my wife
to do all of the emotional labor
275
738484
3367
Eu tenho permitido a minha esposa
fazer todo o trabalho emocional
12:33
of prying open the lines of communication
when I'd rather clam up and run away.
276
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4238
de buscar linhas abertas de comunicação,
quando eu preferia me retrair e fugir.
12:38
(Laughter)
277
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1127
(Risos)
Tenho deixado de lado o apoio emocional
12:39
I've stripped away emotional support
instead of facing my own vulnerabilities,
278
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4249
em vez de encarar
minhas próprias vulnerabilidades,
12:43
particularly around the heartbreaking
miscarriage we suffered last year,
279
751561
3415
especialmente sobre o desolador
aborto que sofremos no último ano,
12:47
and I'm sorry for that.
280
755000
1363
e sinto muito por isso.
12:48
Sometimes as men,
we get to take the easy way out.
281
756888
2482
Às vezes, como homens,
pegamos a saída mais fácil.
12:51
And so my journey as a trans person
is about reimagining masculinity.
282
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4427
Então minha trajetória como trans
é sobre reimaginar a masculinidade.
12:56
About creating a manhood
that isn't measured
283
764838
2515
Sobre criar virilidade
que não pode ser medida
12:59
by the power it wields,
by the entitlements afforded to it,
284
767377
3544
pelas forças que empunham,
pelos direitos atribuídos a ela
13:02
or any simulacrum of control
that it can muster,
285
770945
2505
ou por um simulacro de controle
que possa exibir,
mas funciona em parceria
com a feminilidade
13:05
but works in tandem with femininity,
286
773474
1818
e é guiada pelo meu espírito.
13:07
and is guided by my spirit.
287
775316
1670
13:10
KKM: Y'all ...
288
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1151
KKM: Sim...
13:12
(Applause)
289
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2185
(Aplausos)
13:16
And this has created the space
for my femininity to flourish
290
784033
3878
E isso criou espaço
para minha feminilidade florescer
13:19
in a way I had never experienced before.
291
787935
3205
de uma forma que eu nunca
tinha experimentado antes.
13:24
He never is threatened by my sexuality,
292
792042
3650
Ele nunca se sente ameaçado
pela minha sexualidade,
13:27
he never polices what I wear or how I act.
293
795716
3163
ele nunca policia o que visto
ou como me comporto.
13:31
I cook but he does way more
of the cleaning than I do.
294
799696
3194
Eu cozinho, mas ele faz muito mais
a limpeza do que eu.
13:34
And when we're rushing
to get out of the house
295
802914
2192
E quando estamos com pressa
para sair de casa
13:37
and we have so much to handle,
296
805130
1502
e temos muito com o que lidar,
13:38
he handles everything,
297
806656
1593
ele cuida de tudo,
13:40
so I have time to do my hair and makeup.
298
808273
2187
assim tenho tempo
para o cabelo e a maquiagem.
13:42
(Laughter)
299
810484
1150
(Risos)
13:44
He understands that this is my armor,
300
812279
2451
Ele entende que isso é a minha armadura
13:46
and he never treats femininity
as though it is frivolous or superficial,
301
814754
4509
e ele nunca trata a feminilidade
como algo frívolo e superficial
13:51
and this, and him --
302
819287
1816
e isso, e ele...
13:53
he grows my experience
of gender every single day.
303
821127
3320
ele melhora minha experiência
de gênero a cada dia.
13:56
TM: I love to watch her
get dressed in the morning.
304
824810
2513
TM: Eu adoro vê-la se vestir pela manhã.
13:59
Watching her in the closet,
305
827895
1342
Olhar para ela no closet, procurando
por algo confortável, colorido, justo
14:01
looking for something comfortable
and colorful, and tight,
306
829261
2885
14:04
and safe --
307
832170
1432
e seguro...
14:05
(Laughter)
308
833626
1150
(Risos)
14:07
But it's challenging to watch her
negotiate her decisions
309
835093
2794
Mas é desafiador olhá-la
negociar suas decisões
14:09
looking for something that's going
to get the least amount of attention,
310
837911
3488
procurando por algo
que não chame muita atenção,
mas que ao mesmo tempo seja uma expressão
da mulher vibrante e sexy que ela é.
14:13
but at the same time be an expression
of the vibrant and sexy woman she is.
311
841423
3621
E tudo que quero fazer
é celebrá-la por sua beleza,
14:17
And all I want to do is celebrate
her for her beauty,
312
845068
2738
14:19
and the things that make her
beautiful and special and free,
313
847830
2897
e as coisas que fazem dela
maravilhosa, especial e livre,
desde as longas unhas acrílicas,
14:22
from her long acrylic nails,
314
850751
1451
14:24
to her uncompromising black feminism.
315
852226
2020
até seu descompromissado
feminismo negro.
14:26
(Applause)
316
854270
1666
(Aplausos)
14:31
KKM: I love you. TM: I love you.
317
859315
1651
KKM: Eu te amo.
TM: Eu te amo.
14:32
(Laughter)
318
860990
1150
(Risos)
14:34
KKM: There are so many queer
and trans people
319
862788
2244
KKM: Existem muitas pessoas queer e trans
14:37
who have come before us,
320
865056
1393
que vieram antes de nós,
14:38
whose stories we will never get to hear.
321
866473
2695
cujas histórias nunca vamos ouvir.
14:41
We constantly experience
this retelling of history
322
869547
3276
Constantemente vivenciamos
a história sendo recontada
14:44
where we are conspicuously left out.
323
872847
2136
e nos deixando claramente de lado.
14:47
And it's really hard
to not see ourselves there.
324
875527
2845
E é difícil não ver a nós mesmos nela.
14:50
And so living out loud for us
is about that representation.
325
878891
3479
Então correr riscos, para nós,
é sobre essa representação.
14:54
It's about having possibility models,
326
882798
2319
É sobre termos modelos de possibilidade
14:57
and having hope that love is part
of our inheritance in this world, too.
327
885141
3861
e esperança de que o amor seja parte
da nossa herança nesse mundo, também.
15:01
TM: The possibility that we are practicing
328
889792
2006
TM: A possibilidade que estamos praticando
15:03
is about reinventing time,
love and institutions.
329
891822
2847
tem a ver com a reinvenção do tempo,
do amor e das instituições.
15:07
We are creating a future of multiplicity.
330
895093
2239
Estamos criando um futuro
de multiplicidade.
15:09
We are expanding the spectrum
of gender and sexuality,
331
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3075
Estamos ampliando o espectro
dos gêneros e da sexualidade,
15:12
imagining ourselves into existence,
332
900823
1889
imaginando nós mesmos nessa existência.
15:15
imagining a world where gender
is self-determined and not imposed,
333
903167
3604
Imaginando um mundo no qual o gênero
é autodeterminado e não imposto,
15:18
and where who we are
is a kaleidoscope of possibility
334
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2917
e no qual somos
um caleidoscópio de possibilidades
15:21
without the narrow-minded limitations
masquerading as science or justice.
335
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4379
sem limitações de mente estreita
mascaradas de ciência ou justiça.
15:27
(Applause)
336
915193
1722
(Aplausos)
15:31
KKM: And I can't lie:
337
919840
1345
KKM: E eu não posso mentir:
15:33
it is really, really hard.
338
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2056
isso é realmente muito difícil.
15:35
It is hard to stand in the face of bigotry
339
923643
2693
É difícil ficar de pé
e enfrentar a intolerância
15:38
with an open heart and a smile on my face.
340
926360
2365
de coração aberto e sorriso no rosto.
15:40
It is really hard to face the injustice
that exists in the world,
341
928749
3231
É muito difícil enfrentar
a injustiça que existe no mundo
15:44
while still believing in the ability
of people to really change.
342
932004
4030
e ainda acreditar na habilidade
das pessoas realmente mudarem.
15:48
That takes an enormous amount
of faith and dedication.
343
936591
3068
Isso demanda uma grande quantidade
de fé e dedicação.
15:52
And beyond that,
344
940058
1286
E além disso,
15:53
marriage is hard work.
345
941368
2109
casamento é um trabalho difícil.
15:55
(Laughter)
346
943501
1151
(Risos)
15:56
Piles of dirty socks on the floor,
347
944676
2568
Pilhas de meias sujas no chão,
15:59
more boring sports shows
than I ever thought possible --
348
947268
3761
mais programas chatos de esportes
que eu jamais imaginaria possíveis.
16:03
(Laughter)
349
951053
1255
(Risos)
16:04
And fights that bring me to tears
350
952743
1744
E brigas que me levam às lágrimas,
16:06
when it feels like we're not
speaking the same language.
351
954511
2865
quando parece que não estamos
falando a mesma língua.
16:09
But there is not a day that goes by
352
957400
2119
Mas não há um só dia que passe
16:11
where I am not so grateful
to be married to this man;
353
959543
3233
que eu não seja grata
por ser casada com este homem;
16:14
where I'm not so grateful for
the possibility of changing minds,
354
962800
3826
em que eu não seja grata pela
possibilidade de mudar mentes,
16:18
and rewarding conversations,
355
966650
1542
e ter conversas compensadoras
16:20
and creating a world
where love belongs to us all.
356
968216
2980
e criar um mundo onde o amor
pertence a todos nós.
16:23
I think about our acronym:
357
971658
1457
Eu penso sobre a nossa sigla:
16:25
LGBTQ2SIA.
358
973139
3971
LGBTQ2SIA.
16:31
A seemingly endless evolution
of self and a community,
359
979145
3653
Uma evolução aparentemente sem fim
de si próprio e de uma comunidade,
16:34
but also this really deep desire
not to leave anyone behind.
360
982822
4035
mas também esse profundo desejo
de não deixar ninguém para trás.
16:39
We've learned how to love each other,
361
987525
1862
Aprendemos como amar um ao outro
16:41
and we've committed to loving each other
throughout changes to gender
362
989411
3839
e estamos comprometidos em amar
um ao outro através das mudanças de gênero
16:45
and changes in spirit.
363
993274
1568
e mudanças de espírito.
16:47
And we learned this love
in our chat rooms,
364
995319
2623
E aprendemos esse amor
em nossas conversas virtuais,
16:49
in our clubs, in our bars
and in our community centers.
365
997966
3680
em nossos clubes, bares
e centros comunitários.
16:53
We've learned how to love
each other for the long haul.
366
1001670
2734
Aprendemos a amar
um ao outro a longo prazo.
16:56
TM & KKM: Thank you.
367
1004932
1172
TM e KKM: Obrigado.
16:58
(Applause)
368
1006128
3100
(Aplausos)
Translated by Valmir Araujo
Reviewed by Cláudia Sander

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activist
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.

Why you should listen

Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic. 

Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.

Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.

More profile about the speaker
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.

Why you should listen

A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.

Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art­-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world. 

As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.

A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.

Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.

Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.

More profile about the speaker
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com

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