Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan: A queer vision of love and marriage
Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan: Um amor que nos permite ser quem somos
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love. Full bioKim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
was on Facebook,
foi no Facebook e durou três dias.
that I knew she was going to be my wife.
que eu soube que ela seria minha esposa.
amount of time for our courtship;
de tempo para nosso relacionamento;
the vulnerable truths up front:
mais vulneráveis com franqueza.
certificate should have stood for "False,"
em vez de "Feminino".
era como caminhar com pedras nos sapatos.
pebbles in my shoes.
I took forward.
por minha própria intenção;
a cisgender queer woman.
uma mulher cisgênera.
I was assigned at birth
que me foi dado ao nascer
as várias diferentes formas
the many different ways
de eu não me restringir ao gênero,
restricted by gender
como bissexual, como lésbica,
engloba todas as camadas
of who I am and how I've loved.
no seu cortejo desde o início.
from the very beginning.
from institutions and traditions.
de instituições e tradições.
de nos comprometer um com o outro
to commit to each other
of the "Golden Rule,"
que a ideia da "Regra de Ouro" é:
the way we want to be treated.
da forma que queremos ser tratados.
the standard for other people,
o padrão das outras pessoas.
que eles desejam ser tratados,
the way they want to be treated,
of love that Tiq needed
de amor que ele precisava
about his fears, his insecurities --
seus medos, suas inseguranças,
de amor eu precisava.
kind of love I needed.
of their love because I was trans.
porque eu era transgênero.
das pessoas transgêneras.
transgender people.
e muitas vezes até definida em lei.
and often signed into law.
from internalizing that message,
de internalizar essa mensagem
o coração partido e confuso que eu era.
of community work behind us,
de trabalho comunitário
of a family in front of us,
de família à nossa frente.
incrivelmente diferentes.
and a bit of an orphan,
e um pouco órfã,
the differences in our strengths
as diferenças das nossas forças
but we don't live marginalized lives.
mas não vivemos vidas marginalizadas.
new ways of existing.
com criar novas formas de existência
too proud and too freeing.
was going to be my helper or my rib,
minha salvadora ou minha costela,
to reign in, control or critique.
para meu domínio, controle ou crítica.
sight of her empathy.
desde o primeiro dia.
about setting each other free.
sempre se baseou em deixar o outro livre.
que sonhos ele tinha deixado de realizar,
à altura do incrível legado de sua mãe.
his mother's incredible legacy.
were able to start from that place,
de podermos começar a partir daí,
that was around figuring out
to grow into the people that we were
crescer dentro do que éramos
committed to each other
comprometidos um com o outro
concern when I transitioned
quando fiz a transição,
precluded me from love and monogamy
me excluía do amor e da monogamia
born in the wrong body?
nascido num corpo errado?
that has to be reframed
que tem de ser repensada
binary thinking on gender
e binário sobre gêneros
pelo que eu mostrava ser.
along the numb keloid scars
all the way out to my outer torso.
até a parte externa do meu torso.
reminders of my strength
lembranças da minha força,
que eu poderia fazer.
conventional trajectories
mais convencionais
to bless a union for folks like us,
uma união de duas pessoas como nós
supposed to recognize it.
after meeting online,
nosso encontro on-line,
of City Hall in Manhattan,
da prefeitura de Manhattan,
in every conceivable way.
em todas as formas que se possa imaginar.
reimagined some traditions,
algumas tradições,
that we worked in,
algo que funcionava para nós.
that worked for us.
with wildflowers from Brooklyn --
eram de flores silvestres do Brooklyn;
and sage to keep us grounded
para nos manter com os pés no chão,
sister healer friend of ours.
curandeira, amiga nossa.
are not my thing,
não são a minha cara,
my father's bastard child,
filha bastarda de meu pai,
an apology, a secret, an imposition.
um segredo, uma imposição.
who chose me first.
que me escolheu primeiro.
and some close friends,
familiares e amigos próximos,
as we took our vows.
enquanto fazíamos nossos votos.
photos on Facebook,
as fotos do casamento no Facebook,
than just a union of two people,
do que a união de duas pessoas,
for the millions of LGBTQ folks
para milhões de pessoas LGBTQ
de que família e casamento
is antithetical to who they are --
who rarely get to see ourselves
que raramente conseguem se ver
por conta das nossas identidades,
because of our identities,
to be the people that we are.
a sermos quem somos.
receptive and shape-shifting.
abertos, receptivos e flexíveis.
source of, our strength.
tão incríveis da nossa força.
of that strength.
poet Brandon Wint:
Brandon Wint, que vive em Otawa:
queer like escaping definition.
como fugir das definições.
and limitlessness all at once.
e falta de limites ao mesmo tempo.
too strange to be conquered.
muito estranha para ser conquistada.
to imagine what love can look like,
como o amor pode se parecer,
de uma comunidade de pessoas...
que vivem suas identidades autênticas
who are living their authentic selves
that always is present
que sempre está presente
por suas próprias regras.
is murdered every 21 hours.
é assassinada a cada 21 horas.
trans murders on record this year
assassinatos trans neste ano
than this rigid dichotomy
do que essa rígida dicotomia
complexity on these margins,
da complexidade humana,
on these margins.
liberdade nessas margens.
that we have literally never seen before;
que, literalmente, nunca vimos antes;
on love and not by blood,
no amor e não no sangue,
have been shown ourselves.
que tão poucos de nós têm mostrado.
love from our families --
das nossas famílias,
that we trust most.
em quem mais confiamos.
entirely new languages of love.
linguagens de amor completamente novas.
for us to be our authentic selves
para sermos genuinamente nós mesmos
is supposed to be.
ou a feminilidade deveriam ser.
in love and inclusion
em amor e inclusão
revolucionária de mudança, certo?
gender, in their skin --
seu gênero, sua pele,
to unlearn these deep-seated biases
preconceitos estabelecidos,
to be self-determined,
se autodeterminarem,
world than the one we were born into.
melhor do que aquele em que nascemos.
esse tempo na história
that we were here.
de que estivemos aqui.
into our relationship
em nosso relacionamento
to make maps to the future
fazer mapas para o futuro
other peoples' experience,
a experiência de outras pessoas,
complicate this idea
complica essa ideia
are supposed to be.
a mirror up to ourselves.
a nós mesmos em um espelho.
always the best listener,
fui o melhor ouvinte,
of our progress as a couple.
do nosso progresso como casal.
these deep-seated, sexist ideas
essas ideias sexistas estabelecidas
of a woman's experience in the world.
das experiências femininas no mundo.
de estar aliado à minha esposa.
to be in allyship with my wife.
of a lot of things, too.
uma série de coisas também.
we got into a massive fight.
tivemos uma briga enorme.
and our lived experiences --
nossas experiências;
puts ourselves entirely on the line.
nos deixa completamente a descoberto.
over the course of two days --
ter durado dois dias,
together to each other,
to each other and to our marriage.
com o outro e com nosso casamento.
some of the most passionate parts
das partes mais apaixonadas
with being a man don't define me,
com ser homem não me definem,
for how it shows up in my life every day.
como eles aparecem na minha vida diária.
to do all of the emotional labor
fazer todo o trabalho emocional
when I'd rather clam up and run away.
quando eu preferia me retrair e fugir.
instead of facing my own vulnerabilities,
minhas próprias vulnerabilidades,
miscarriage we suffered last year,
aborto que sofremos no último ano,
we get to take the easy way out.
pegamos a saída mais fácil.
is about reimagining masculinity.
é sobre reimaginar a masculinidade.
that isn't measured
que não pode ser medida
by the entitlements afforded to it,
pelos direitos atribuídos a ela
that it can muster,
que possa exibir,
com a feminilidade
for my femininity to flourish
para minha feminilidade florescer
tinha experimentado antes.
pela minha sexualidade,
ou como me comporto.
of the cleaning than I do.
a limpeza do que eu.
to get out of the house
para sair de casa
para o cabelo e a maquiagem.
as though it is frivolous or superficial,
como algo frívolo e superficial
of gender every single day.
de gênero a cada dia.
get dressed in the morning.
por algo confortável, colorido, justo
and colorful, and tight,
negotiate her decisions
negociar suas decisões
to get the least amount of attention,
que não chame muita atenção,
da mulher vibrante e sexy que ela é.
of the vibrant and sexy woman she is.
é celebrá-la por sua beleza,
her for her beauty,
beautiful and special and free,
maravilhosa, especial e livre,
feminismo negro.
TM: Eu te amo.
and trans people
this retelling of history
a história sendo recontada
to not see ourselves there.
is about that representation.
é sobre essa representação.
of our inheritance in this world, too.
da nossa herança nesse mundo, também.
love and institutions.
do amor e das instituições.
de multiplicidade.
of gender and sexuality,
dos gêneros e da sexualidade,
is self-determined and not imposed,
é autodeterminado e não imposto,
is a kaleidoscope of possibility
um caleidoscópio de possibilidades
masquerading as science or justice.
mascaradas de ciência ou justiça.
e enfrentar a intolerância
that exists in the world,
a injustiça que existe no mundo
of people to really change.
das pessoas realmente mudarem.
of faith and dedication.
de fé e dedicação.
than I ever thought possible --
que eu jamais imaginaria possíveis.
speaking the same language.
falando a mesma língua.
to be married to this man;
por ser casada com este homem;
the possibility of changing minds,
possibilidade de mudar mentes,
where love belongs to us all.
pertence a todos nós.
of self and a community,
de si próprio e de uma comunidade,
not to leave anyone behind.
de não deixar ninguém para trás.
throughout changes to gender
um ao outro através das mudanças de gênero
in our chat rooms,
em nossas conversas virtuais,
and in our community centers.
e centros comunitários.
each other for the long haul.
um ao outro a longo prazo.
ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activistAlready a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.
Why you should listen
Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic.
Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.
Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.
Why you should listen
A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.
Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world.
As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.
A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.
Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.
Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com