TEDxParis 2012
Yann Dall'Aglio: Love -- you're doing it wrong
爱情——你们全搞错了
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在这令人愉快的谈话中，哲学家杨·达拉利奥（Yann Dall'Aglio）探讨我们对温柔的普遍寻索，并谈论温柔与那日渐专注于个体世界中的暖昧关系。事实上，爱情这东西比你想象的简单得多。这是一个关于当代爱情的聪慧，有趣思考（影片摄于TEDxParis）
Yann Dall'Aglio - Philosopher
Yann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love. Full bio
Yann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
What is love?
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爱是什么？
00:15
It's a hard term to define
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爱很难去定义
00:17
in so far as it has a very wide application.
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因为它有着广泛的应用范围
00:21
I can love jogging.
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我可以喜爱慢跑
00:23
I can love a book, a movie.
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我可以喜爱一本书，一部电影
00:25
I can love escalopes.
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我可以喜爱肉排
00:28
I can love my wife.
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我可以爱我的妻子
00:30
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
00:35
But there's a great difference
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但是这爱存在着巨大的不同点，
00:38
between an escalope and my wife, for instance.
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比如，对肉排的爱和对我妻子的爱有显著不同
00:43
That is, if I value the escalope,
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那就是说，如果我重视肉排
00:46
the escalope, on the other hand,
it doesn't value me back.
it doesn't value me back.
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反过来讲，肉排并不会重视我
00:53
Whereas my wife, she calls me
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然而我的妻子呢
00:56
the star of her life.
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她觉得我是她生命中的一颗星星
00:58
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
01:00
Therefore, only another desiring conscience
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因此，只有一种他人的欲望意识
01:02
can conceive me as a desirable being.
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才能够把我视为
一个得以被欲望的个体
一个得以被欲望的个体
01:05
I know this, that's why
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我知道这些，这也是为什么
01:07
love can be defined in a more accurate way
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我们可以更准确地
把爱情定义为
把爱情定义为
01:09
as the desire of being desired.
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“被欲望的欲望”
01:14
Hence the eternal problem of love:
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于是，这关于爱的永恒难题就是：
01:16
how to become and remain desirable?
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如何使自己被欲望？
如何使自己持续的被欲望？
如何使自己持续的被欲望？
01:22
The individual used to find
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过去，个体往往透过
01:26
an answer to this problem
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将自己的生命交由群体规范
01:28
by submitting his life to community rules.
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来寻求这问题的答案
01:31
You had a specific part to play
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你可以根据你的性别，年龄，
01:33
according to your sex, your age,
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和社会地位
01:36
your social status,
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来扮演某种特定角色
01:37
and you only had to play your part
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而且你只需要做你的分内之事
01:39
to be valued and loved by the whole community.
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就可获得整个社群的爱与重视
01:44
Think about the young woman
who must remain chaste before marriage.
who must remain chaste before marriage.
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想想在婚前必须保持贞洁的年轻女人
01:47
Think about the youngest son
who must obey the eldest son,
who must obey the eldest son,
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想想必须听大儿子的话的那最小儿子
01:52
who in turn must obey the patriarch.
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而大儿子还是要听家祖长辈的话
01:57
But a phenomenon
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但是一种现象
02:02
started in the 13th century,
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开始发生在13世纪
02:05
mainly in the Renaissance, in the West,
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主要在西方的文艺复兴时期
02:09
that caused the biggest identity crisis
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这种现象引发了人类历史上
02:12
in the history of humankind.
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最大的身份危机
02:15
This phenomenon is modernity.
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这种现象便是现代性
02:17
We can basically summarize it
through a triple process.
through a triple process.
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我们可以通过三步来总结它
02:20
First, a process of rationalization
of scientific research,
of scientific research,
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第一，一个理性化的科学研究过程
02:26
which has accelerated technical progress.
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它加快了科技的进步
02:28
Next, a process of political democratization,
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接着，一个政治的民主化进程
02:33
which has fostered individual rights.
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促进了个人的权利
02:36
And finally, a process of rationalization
of economic production
of economic production
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最后出现的是
经济生产与贸易自由化
经济生产与贸易自由化
02:40
and of trade liberalization.
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的理性进程
02:43
These three intertwined processes
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这三个相互混纺的过程
02:46
have completely annihilated
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完全推倒了
02:49
all the traditional bearings of Western societies,
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西方社会的所有传统根基
02:53
with radical consequences for the individual.
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并对个人生活造成巨变
02:55
Now individuals are free
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现在，个人可以自由地
02:58
to value or disvalue
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珍爱或蔑视
03:01
any attitude, any choice, any object.
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任何态度，任何选择，任何事物
03:06
But as a result, they are themselves confronted
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但结果是，他们自己同样也面对了
03:12
with this same freedom that others have
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他人的自由
03:14
to value or disvalue them.
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他人用来珍视
或贬低他们的自由。
或贬低他们的自由。
03:18
In other words, my value was once ensured
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换句话说，这曾经通过
将自己提交给传统权威
将自己提交给传统权威
03:24
by submitting myself
to the traditional authorities.
to the traditional authorities.
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而确保了的自我价值
03:28
Now it is quoted in the stock exchange.
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现在却被投诸于股票交易所，任人估量。
03:33
On the free market of individual desires,
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在个人欲望的自由市场中，
03:38
I negotiate my value every day.
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我每天都在商议我的个人价值。
03:42
Hence the anxiety of contemporary man.
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因此，这造成了当代人的焦虑。
03:44
He is obsessed: "Am I desirable? How desirable?
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他 / 她总是痴迷于：
「我是否可欲？如何可欲？
「我是否可欲？如何可欲？
03:48
How many people are going to love me?"
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有多少人会爱我？」
03:51
And how does he respond to this anxiety?
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他 / 她得如何响应这种焦虑呢？
03:54
Well, by hysterically collecting
symbols of desirability.
symbols of desirability.
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嗯，通过歇斯底里地
收集可欲的象征。
收集可欲的象征。
04:04
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:07
I call this act of collecting,
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我把这种与他人一块儿的
04:09
along with others, seduction capital.
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收集性的行为称作「诱惑资本」。
04:13
Indeed, our consumer society
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事实上，我们的消费社会
04:15
is largely based on seduction capital.
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很大程度上是建基于
诱惑资本之上的。
诱惑资本之上的。
04:20
It is said about this consumption
that our age is materialistic.
that our age is materialistic.
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关于这种消费性质，有人说
我们的时代是恋物主义的。
我们的时代是恋物主义的。
04:24
But it's not true! We only accumulate objects
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但这不是真的 ！我们收藏事物，
04:28
in order to communicate with other minds.
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仅仅只是为了与其他心灵交流！
04:31
We do it to make them love us, to seduce them.
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我们这么做，是为了使他们喜欢我们，
是为了引诱他人！
是为了引诱他人！
04:36
Nothing could be less materialistic,
or more sentimental,
or more sentimental,
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没有什么还要比
让一个青少年买新牛仔裤
让一个青少年买新牛仔裤
04:40
than a teenager buying brand new jeans
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然后撕到膝盖边
04:44
and tearing them at the knees,
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更是非唯物主义的，或更令人感伤的了，
04:47
because he wants to please Jennifer.
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因为他想博得珍妮弗的青睐。
04:49
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:51
Consumerism is not materialism.
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消费主义不是物质主义。
04:55
It is rather what is swallowed up
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它却是那些以爱神之名
04:57
and sacrificed in the name of the god of love,
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牺牲了的
或生吞活剥了的一切，
或生吞活剥了的一切，
05:00
or rather in the name of seduction capital.
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或者，不如说是，以诱惑资本的名义。
05:04
In light of this observation on contemporary love,
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根据这种对当代爱情的观察，
05:10
how can we think of love in the years to come?
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我们该如何思考未来的爱情呢？
05:13
We can envision two hypotheses:
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我们可以想到两种假设：
05:15
The first one consists of betting
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第一个是由赌注组成的，
05:18
that this process of narcissistic
capitalization will intensify.
capitalization will intensify.
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这赌注将加深自恋的资本化过程。
05:24
It is hard to say what shape
this intensification will take,
this intensification will take,
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很难说这深化过程
会采取怎样的形式，
会采取怎样的形式，
05:28
because it largely depends
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因为它很大程度上取决于
05:29
on social and technical innovations,
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社会与科技的创新，
05:32
which are by definition difficult to predict.
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这是难以预测的。
05:37
But we can, for instance,
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但我们仍然可以试着
05:39
imagine a dating website
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想象一种约会网站，
05:43
which, a bit like those loyalty points programs,
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一种有点类似于
绩点奖励促销的方案，
绩点奖励促销的方案，
05:47
uses seduction capital points
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使用诱惑资本点数，
05:50
that vary according to my age,
my height/weight ratio,
my height/weight ratio,
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这点数会根据我的某些特质而变，
比如年龄、身高/体重比例、
比如年龄、身高/体重比例、
05:54
my degree, my salary,
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学历、薪水、
05:57
or the number of clicks on my profile.
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或我网上档案的点击量。
06:01
We can also imagine
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我们也可以想象
06:05
a chemical treatment for breakups
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一种对于分手的化学治疗疗程，
06:08
that weakens the feelings of attachment.
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这种疗程可以缓解恋爱感情。
06:12
By the way, there's a program on MTV already
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此外顺带一提，在 MTV 上
已经有一种类似的节目，
已经有一种类似的节目，
06:16
in which seduction teachers
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在那节目中，诱惑教师
06:20
treat heartache as a disease.
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将心痛视为一种疾病来治疗。
06:24
These teachers call themselves "pick-up artists."
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这些教师自称为
「把妹达人（pick-up artists）」。
「把妹达人（pick-up artists）」。
06:28
"Artist" in French is easy, it means "artiste."
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「（Artist）艺术家」
在法语中意味着「表演艺术家（artiste）」。
在法语中意味着「表演艺术家（artiste）」。
06:31
"Pick-up" is to pick someone up,
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「Pick-up」意指是勾搭
06:34
but not just any picking up -- it's picking up chicks.
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但不是随便勾搭 — — 必须勾搭最靓的。
06:36
So they are artists of picking up chicks.
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所以他们都是
勾搭靓妹的表演艺术家。
勾搭靓妹的表演艺术家。
06:40
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
06:42
And they call heartache "one-itis."
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他们称心痛为
「真命天女症（one-itis）」，
「真命天女症（one-itis）」，
06:47
In English, "itis" is a suffix that signifies infection.
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在英语中，「itis」是
「（infection）感染」的字尾，
「（infection）感染」的字尾，
06:50
One-itis can be translated as "an infection from one."
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我们可以把 one-itis 译为「被那一人感染」。
06:55
It's a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists,
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它是有点恶心啦。
事实上，对那些「把妹达人」来说，
事实上，对那些「把妹达人」来说，
06:59
falling in love with someone
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爱上一个人
07:02
is a waste of time,
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是在浪费时间，
07:04
it's squandering your seduction capital,
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它浪费你的诱惑资本。
07:06
so it must be eliminated
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因此，它必须被根治，
07:08
like a disease, like an infection.
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就像一种疾病，彷佛发炎一般。
07:11
We can also envision
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我们还可以设想
07:15
a romantic use of the genome.
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一种拥有浪漫用途的基因组。
07:18
Everyone would carry it around
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每个人都会到处拿着它，
07:22
and present it like a business card
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就像一张名片一样到处发，
07:25
to verify if seduction can progress to reproduction.
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来查明是否
诱惑可以进阶到繁殖。
诱惑可以进阶到繁殖。
07:30
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
07:34
Of course, this race for seduction,
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当然，这场诱惑的竞赛，
07:39
like every fierce competition,
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如同每项激烈赛事，
07:41
will create huge disparities
in narcissistic satisfaction,
in narcissistic satisfaction,
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将创造出关于
自恋满意度的巨大不平等，
自恋满意度的巨大不平等，
07:46
and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too.
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于是它也会产生许多孤单与失落。
07:50
So we can expect that modernity itself,
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因此，我们可以预想的是，现代性本身
07:53
which is the origin of seduction capital,
would be called into question.
would be called into question.
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这个诱惑资本的来源，会被许多人质疑。
07:57
I'm thinking particularly of the reaction
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我想到的某种特别的反应，即为
08:00
of neo-fascist or religious communes.
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新法西斯主义社群或宗教社群。
08:05
But such a future doesn't have to be.
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但我们并不一定要拥有这种未来。
08:10
Another path to thinking about love may be possible.
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我们可以思索另一种
关于爱情的可能性路径。
关于爱情的可能性路径。
08:16
But how?
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但如何思索呢？
08:18
How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued?
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如何放弃进行
歇斯底里地估价的需要？
歇斯底里地估价的需要？
08:22
Well, by becoming aware
of my uselessness.
of my uselessness.
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嗯，这个嘛，意识到
我自己的一无是处，即可。
我自己的一无是处，即可。
08:26
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:28
Yes,
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是的，
08:29
I'm useless.
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一无是处，我很没用。
08:32
But rest assured:
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但请放心：
08:33
so are you.
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你们也是。
08:35
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:37
(Applause)
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（掌声）
08:41
We are all useless.
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我们都是没用的。
08:45
This uselessness is easily demonstrated,
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这种无用性
是很容易证明的，
是很容易证明的，
08:48
because in order to be valued
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因为，为了要寻求珍视，
08:52
I need another to desire me,
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我需要另一半来欲望我，
08:55
which shows that I do not have any value of my own.
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这显示了，我自身
其实并不具有任何价值。
其实并不具有任何价值。
08:57
I don't have any inherent value.
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我没有任何固有的价值。
09:02
We all pretend to have an idol;
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我们都假装有偶像；
09:05
we all pretend to be an idol for
someone else, but actually
someone else, but actually
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我们都假装自己是别人的偶像，但实际上
09:08
we are all impostors, a bit like a man on the street
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我们个个都是滥竽充数之人，
有点像街上的路人，
有点像街上的路人，
09:11
who appears totally cool and indifferent,
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他们全都表现出冷漠的样子，
09:14
while he has actually anticipated and calculated
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虽然他实际上已预期，并且算计出
09:17
so that all eyes are on him.
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所有的目光都会朝向他。
09:21
I think that becoming aware
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我觉得，越来越意识到
09:23
of this general imposture
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这种一般的冒用性，
09:25
that concerns all of us
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这样的忧虑
09:26
would ease our love relationships.
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就得以缓解我们的恋爱关系。
09:28
It is because I want to be loved
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因为，我想要从头到脚地
09:30
from head to toe,
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被爱，
09:32
justified in my every choice,
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捍卫我每一个选择，
09:34
that the seduction hysteria exists.
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那诱惑的歇斯底里存在着。
09:37
And therefore I want to seem perfect
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因此，我想要看起来完美，
09:39
so that another can love me.
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以让他人可以爱我。
09:40
I want them to be perfect
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我希望他们能够完美，
09:42
so that I can be reassured of my value.
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这样我就可以确定我的价值。
09:44
It leads to couples
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它会导致情人们
09:47
obsessed with performance
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沉迷于绩效，
09:49
who will break up, just like that,
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谁会像以前那样
09:51
at the slightest underachievement.
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以绩效不好的结果分手呢。
09:54
In contrast to this attitude,
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相对于这种态度，
09:58
I call upon tenderness -- love as tenderness.
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我呼吁温柔 — — 温柔的爱。
10:00
What is tenderness?
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什么是温柔？
10:02
To be tender is to accept
the loved one's weaknesses.
the loved one's weaknesses.
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温柔意谓着去接受
你爱人的弱点。
你爱人的弱点。
10:06
It's not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies.
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它非关成为某种
悲凉的伴侣照护者哟。
悲凉的伴侣照护者哟。
10:09
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
10:11
That's pretty bad.
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它没那么糟。
10:13
On the contrary,
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相反地，
10:14
there's plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness.
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在温柔中，存在着许多魅力和幸福。
10:17
I refer specifically to a kind of humor
that is unfortunately underused.
that is unfortunately underused.
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我特别想到一种幽默，
这种幽默，很不幸地，尚未得到充分利用。
这种幽默，很不幸地，尚未得到充分利用。
10:21
It is a sort of poetry of deliberate awkwardness.
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它是一种蓄意的尴尬诗歌。
10:24
I refer to self-mockery.
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我指的是自嘲。
10:26
For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported
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对于那些由传统约束的、
10:29
by the constraints of tradition,
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无以为继的伴侣们，
10:31
I believe that self-mockery
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我相信自嘲
10:33
is one of the best means for
the relationship to endure.
the relationship to endure.
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是得以忍受彼此关系的最佳途径之一。
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Yann Dall'Aglio - PhilosopherYann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love.
Why you should listen
Philosopher Yann Dall'Aglio writes about love in the digital age. His two books, A Rolex at 50: Do you have the right to miss your life?and I love you: Is love a has been? explore the challenges and triumphs in the modern era, where individualism and consumerism reign. His work is a declaration of his faith in love, a major feat for a skeptical philosopher.
Yann Dall'Aglio | Speaker | TED.com