TEDxParis 2012
Yann Dall'Aglio: Love -- you're doing it wrong
楊．達拉利奧: 愛情——你們全搞錯了
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在這令人愉快的談話中，哲學家楊．達拉利奧探討我們對於溫柔的普遍尋索，並談論溫柔與那日漸專注於個體世界中的曖昧關係。事實上，愛情這東西比你想像的簡單得多。這是一個關於當代愛情的聰慧、有趣思考。（影片攝於 TEDxParis）
Yann Dall'Aglio - Philosopher
Yann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love. Full bio
Yann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
What is love?
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愛情是什麼？
00:15
It's a hard term to define
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它是一個很難定義的詞彙，
00:17
in so far as it has a very wide application.
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因為它有極為廣泛的應用。
00:21
I can love jogging.
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我可以喜愛慢跑，
00:23
I can love a book, a movie.
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我可以愛一本書、 一部電影，
00:25
I can love escalopes.
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我可以愛吃肉排，
00:28
I can love my wife.
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我可以愛我的妻子。
00:30
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
00:35
But there's a great difference
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但這愛存在著龐大的區別，
00:38
between an escalope and my wife, for instance.
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比如說，我對肉排之愛
與對我妻子的愛，便有顯著不同。
與對我妻子的愛，便有顯著不同。
00:43
That is, if I value the escalope,
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也就是說，如果我珍視肉排的話，
00:46
the escalope, on the other hand,
it doesn't value me back.
it doesn't value me back.
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肉排，相反地，卻不會珍視我。
00:53
Whereas my wife, she calls me
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然而我的妻子呢，她喚我為
00:56
the star of her life.
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她生命中的星星。
00:58
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:00
Therefore, only another desiring conscience
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因此，只有一種他人的欲望意識
01:02
can conceive me as a desirable being.
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才能夠將我視為一個
得以被欲望的個體。
得以被欲望的個體。
01:05
I know this, that's why
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我知道這一點，這就是為什麼
01:07
love can be defined in a more accurate way
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我們可以更準確地
把愛情定義為
把愛情定義為
01:09
as the desire of being desired.
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「被欲望中的欲望」。
01:14
Hence the eternal problem of love:
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於是，這關於愛的永恆難題即為：
01:16
how to become and remain desirable?
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如何使自己被欲望？
如何使自己持續地被欲望？
如何使自己持續地被欲望？
01:22
The individual used to find
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過去，一個個體往往透過
將自己的生命交由群體規範
01:26
an answer to this problem
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01:28
by submitting his life to community rules.
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來尋求這問題的解答。
01:31
You had a specific part to play
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你可以根據你的性別、年齡，
01:33
according to your sex, your age,
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和社會地位，
01:36
your social status,
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來扮演某種特定角色。
01:37
and you only had to play your part
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而且你只需要扮演好那角色
01:39
to be valued and loved by the whole community.
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即可獲得整個社群的愛與重視。
01:44
Think about the young woman
who must remain chaste before marriage.
who must remain chaste before marriage.
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想想那個必須
在婚前保持貞潔的年輕女子，
在婚前保持貞潔的年輕女子，
01:47
Think about the youngest son
who must obey the eldest son,
who must obey the eldest son,
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想想那個必須
服從長子的那最小兒子，
服從長子的那最小兒子，
01:52
who in turn must obey the patriarch.
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而那長子又必須服從家族長輩。
01:57
But a phenomenon
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但一種
02:02
started in the 13th century,
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始於 13 世紀，
02:05
mainly in the Renaissance, in the West,
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主要是在西方文藝復興時期的現象
02:09
that caused the biggest identity crisis
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造成了人類歷史上
02:12
in the history of humankind.
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最嚴重的身份危機。
02:15
This phenomenon is modernity.
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這現象就是現代性。
02:17
We can basically summarize it
through a triple process.
through a triple process.
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我們基本上可以
通過三種過程來總結它：
通過三種過程來總結它：
02:20
First, a process of rationalization
of scientific research,
of scientific research,
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首先是，一個理性化的科學研究過程，
02:26
which has accelerated technical progress.
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它加快了科技的進步。
02:28
Next, a process of political democratization,
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接著，一個政治的民主化進程
02:33
which has fostered individual rights.
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促進了個人的權利。
02:36
And finally, a process of rationalization
of economic production
of economic production
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最後出現的是
經濟生產與貿易自由化
經濟生產與貿易自由化
02:40
and of trade liberalization.
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的理性進程。
02:43
These three intertwined processes
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這三個相互交織的過程
02:46
have completely annihilated
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完全推倒了
02:49
all the traditional bearings of Western societies,
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西方社會的所有傳統根基，
02:53
with radical consequences for the individual.
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並對個人生活造成鉅變。
02:55
Now individuals are free
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現在，個人可以自由地
02:58
to value or disvalue
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珍愛或蔑視
03:01
any attitude, any choice, any object.
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任何態度、任何選擇、任何事物；
03:06
But as a result, they are themselves confronted
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但結果是，他們自己同樣也面對了
03:12
with this same freedom that others have
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他人的自由，
03:14
to value or disvalue them.
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他人用來珍視
或貶低他們的自由。
或貶低他們的自由。
03:18
In other words, my value was once ensured
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換句話說，這曾經透過
將自己提交給傳統權威
將自己提交給傳統權威
03:24
by submitting myself
to the traditional authorities.
to the traditional authorities.
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而確保了的自我價值
03:28
Now it is quoted in the stock exchange.
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現在卻被投諸於股票交易所，任人估量。
03:33
On the free market of individual desires,
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在個人欲望的自由市場中，
03:38
I negotiate my value every day.
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我每天都在商議我的個體價值。
03:42
Hence the anxiety of contemporary man.
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因此，這造成了當代人的焦慮。
03:44
He is obsessed: "Am I desirable? How desirable?
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他 / 她總是癡迷於：
「我是否可欲？如何可欲？
「我是否可欲？如何可欲？
03:48
How many people are going to love me?"
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有多少人會愛我？」
03:51
And how does he respond to this anxiety?
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他 / 她得如何回應這種焦慮呢？
03:54
Well, by hysterically collecting
symbols of desirability.
symbols of desirability.
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嗯，通過歇斯底里地
收集可欲的象徵。
收集可欲的象徵。
04:04
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:07
I call this act of collecting,
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我把這種與他人一塊兒的
04:09
along with others, seduction capital.
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收集性的行為稱作「誘惑資本」。
04:13
Indeed, our consumer society
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事實上，我們的消費社會
04:15
is largely based on seduction capital.
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很大程度上是建基於
誘惑資本之上的。
誘惑資本之上的。
04:20
It is said about this consumption
that our age is materialistic.
that our age is materialistic.
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關於這種消費性質，有人聲稱
我們的時代是唯物主義的。
我們的時代是唯物主義的。
04:24
But it's not true! We only accumulate objects
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但這不是真的 ！我們收藏事物，
04:28
in order to communicate with other minds.
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僅僅只是為了與其他心靈交流！
04:31
We do it to make them love us, to seduce them.
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我們這麼做，是為了使他們喜歡我們，
是為了引誘他人！
是為了引誘他人！
04:36
Nothing could be less materialistic,
or more sentimental,
or more sentimental,
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沒有什麼還要比
讓一個青少年買新牛仔褲
讓一個青少年買新牛仔褲
04:40
than a teenager buying brand new jeans
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然後撕到膝蓋邊
04:44
and tearing them at the knees,
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更要非物質主義，或更令人感傷了，
04:47
because he wants to please Jennifer.
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因為他想要博得珍妮佛的青睞。
04:49
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:51
Consumerism is not materialism.
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消費主義不是物質主義。
04:55
It is rather what is swallowed up
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它卻是那些以愛神之名
04:57
and sacrificed in the name of the god of love,
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犧牲了的
或生吞活剝了的一切，
或生吞活剝了的一切，
05:00
or rather in the name of seduction capital.
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或者，不如說是，以誘惑資本的名義。
05:04
In light of this observation on contemporary love,
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根據這種對於當代愛情的觀察，
05:10
how can we think of love in the years to come?
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我們該如何思考未來的愛情呢？
05:13
We can envision two hypotheses:
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我們可以想像兩種假設：
05:15
The first one consists of betting
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第一個是由賭注組成的，
05:18
that this process of narcissistic
capitalization will intensify.
capitalization will intensify.
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這賭注將加深自戀的資本化過程。
05:24
It is hard to say what shape
this intensification will take,
this intensification will take,
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很難說這深化過程
會採取怎樣的形式，
會採取怎樣的形式，
05:28
because it largely depends
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因為它很大程度上取決於
05:29
on social and technical innovations,
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社會與科技的創新，
05:32
which are by definition difficult to predict.
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這是難以預測的。
05:37
But we can, for instance,
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但我們仍然可以試著
05:39
imagine a dating website
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想像一種約會網站，
05:43
which, a bit like those loyalty points programs,
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一種有點類似
績點獎勵促銷的方案，
績點獎勵促銷的方案，
05:47
uses seduction capital points
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使用誘惑資本點數，
05:50
that vary according to my age,
my height/weight ratio,
my height/weight ratio,
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這點數會根據我的某些特質
而變化，比如年齡、身高體重比例、
而變化，比如年齡、身高體重比例、
05:54
my degree, my salary,
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學歷、薪水、
05:57
or the number of clicks on my profile.
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或我網上檔案的點擊量。
06:01
We can also imagine
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我們也可以想像
06:05
a chemical treatment for breakups
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一種對於分手的化學治療療程，
06:08
that weakens the feelings of attachment.
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這種療程可以緩解戀愛情愫。
06:12
By the way, there's a program on MTV already
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此外順帶一提，現在在 MTV 上
已經有了一種類似的節目了，
已經有了一種類似的節目了，
06:16
in which seduction teachers
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在那節目中，誘惑教師
06:20
treat heartache as a disease.
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將心痛視為一種疾病來治療。
06:24
These teachers call themselves "pick-up artists."
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這些教師自稱
「把妹達人（pick-up artists）」。
「把妹達人（pick-up artists）」。
06:28
"Artist" in French is easy, it means "artiste."
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「（Artist）藝術家」
在法語中意味著「表演藝術家（artiste）」。
在法語中意味著「表演藝術家（artiste）」。
06:31
"Pick-up" is to pick someone up,
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「Pick-up」意指是勾搭
06:34
but not just any picking up -- it's picking up chicks.
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但不是隨便勾搭 — — 必須勾搭最靚的。
06:36
So they are artists of picking up chicks.
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所以他們都是
勾搭靚妹的表演藝術家。
勾搭靚妹的表演藝術家。
06:40
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
06:42
And they call heartache "one-itis."
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他們稱心痛為
「真命天女症（one-itis）」，
「真命天女症（one-itis）」，
06:47
In English, "itis" is a suffix that signifies infection.
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在英語中，「itis」是
「（infection）感染」的字尾，
「（infection）感染」的字尾，
06:50
One-itis can be translated as "an infection from one."
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我們可以把 one-itis 譯為「被那一人感染」。
06:55
It's a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists,
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它是有點噁心啦。
事實上，對那些「把妹達人」來說，
事實上，對那些「把妹達人」來說，
06:59
falling in love with someone
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愛上一個人
07:02
is a waste of time,
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是在浪費時間，
07:04
it's squandering your seduction capital,
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它浪費你的誘惑資本。
07:06
so it must be eliminated
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因此，它必須被根治，
07:08
like a disease, like an infection.
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就像一種疾病，彷彿發炎一般。
07:11
We can also envision
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我們還可以設想
07:15
a romantic use of the genome.
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一種擁有浪漫用途的基因組。
07:18
Everyone would carry it around
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每個人都會到處拿著它，
07:22
and present it like a business card
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就像一張名片一樣到處發，
07:25
to verify if seduction can progress to reproduction.
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來查明是否
誘惑可以進階到繁殖。
誘惑可以進階到繁殖。
07:30
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
07:34
Of course, this race for seduction,
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當然，這場誘惑的競賽，
07:39
like every fierce competition,
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如同每項激烈賽事，
07:41
will create huge disparities
in narcissistic satisfaction,
in narcissistic satisfaction,
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將創造出關於
自戀滿意度的巨大不平等，
自戀滿意度的巨大不平等，
07:46
and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too.
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於是它也會產生許多孤單與失落。
07:50
So we can expect that modernity itself,
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因此，我們可以預想的是，現代性本身
07:53
which is the origin of seduction capital,
would be called into question.
would be called into question.
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這個誘惑資本的來源，會被許多人質疑。
07:57
I'm thinking particularly of the reaction
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我想到的某種特別的反應，即為
08:00
of neo-fascist or religious communes.
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新法西斯主義社群或宗教社群。
08:05
But such a future doesn't have to be.
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但我們並不一定要擁有這種未來。
08:10
Another path to thinking about love may be possible.
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我們可以思索另一種
關於愛情的可能性路徑。
關於愛情的可能性路徑。
08:16
But how?
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但如何思索呢？
08:18
How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued?
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如何放棄進行
歇斯底里地估價的需要？
歇斯底里地估價的需要？
08:22
Well, by becoming aware
of my uselessness.
of my uselessness.
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嗯，這個嘛，意識到
我自己的一無是處，即可。
我自己的一無是處，即可。
08:26
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
08:28
Yes,
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是的，
08:29
I'm useless.
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一無是處，我很沒用。
08:32
But rest assured:
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但請放心：
08:33
so are you.
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你們也是。
08:35
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
08:37
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
08:41
We are all useless.
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我們都是沒用的。
08:45
This uselessness is easily demonstrated,
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這種無用性
是很容易證明的，
是很容易證明的，
08:48
because in order to be valued
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因為，為了要尋求珍視，
08:52
I need another to desire me,
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我需要另一半來欲望我，
08:55
which shows that I do not have any value of my own.
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這顯示了，我自身
其實並不具有任何價值。
其實並不具有任何價值。
08:57
I don't have any inherent value.
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我沒有任何固有的價值。
我們都假裝有偶像；
09:02
We all pretend to have an idol;
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09:05
we all pretend to be an idol for
someone else, but actually
someone else, but actually
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我們都假裝自己是別人的偶像，但實際上
09:08
we are all impostors, a bit like a man on the street
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我們個個都是濫竽充數之人，
有點像街上的路人，
有點像街上的路人，
09:11
who appears totally cool and indifferent,
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他們全都表現出冷漠的樣子，
09:14
while he has actually anticipated and calculated
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雖然他實際上已預期，並且算計出
09:17
so that all eyes are on him.
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所有的目光都會朝向他。
09:21
I think that becoming aware
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我覺得，越來越意識到
09:23
of this general imposture
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這種一般的冒用性，
09:25
that concerns all of us
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這樣的憂慮
09:26
would ease our love relationships.
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就得以緩解我們的戀愛關係。
09:28
It is because I want to be loved
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因為，我想要從頭到腳地
09:30
from head to toe,
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被愛，
09:32
justified in my every choice,
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捍衛我每一個選擇，
09:34
that the seduction hysteria exists.
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那誘惑的歇斯底里存在著。
09:37
And therefore I want to seem perfect
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因此，我想要看起來完美，
09:39
so that another can love me.
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以讓他人可以愛我。
09:40
I want them to be perfect
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我希望他們能夠完美，
09:42
so that I can be reassured of my value.
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這樣我就可以確定我的價值。
09:44
It leads to couples
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它會導致情人們
09:47
obsessed with performance
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沉迷於績效，
09:49
who will break up, just like that,
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誰會像以前那樣
09:51
at the slightest underachievement.
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以績效不好的結果分手呢。
09:54
In contrast to this attitude,
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相對於這種態度，
09:58
I call upon tenderness -- love as tenderness.
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我呼籲，用溫柔 — — 溫柔的愛。
10:00
What is tenderness?
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什麼是溫柔？
10:02
To be tender is to accept
the loved one's weaknesses.
the loved one's weaknesses.
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溫柔意謂著去接受
你愛人的弱點。
你愛人的弱點。
10:06
It's not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies.
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它非關成為某種
悲涼的伴侶照護者喲。
悲涼的伴侶照護者喲。
10:09
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
10:11
That's pretty bad.
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它沒那麼糟。
10:13
On the contrary,
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相反地，
10:14
there's plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness.
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在溫柔中，存在著許多魅力和幸福。
10:17
I refer specifically to a kind of humor
that is unfortunately underused.
that is unfortunately underused.
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我特別想到一種幽默，
這種幽默，很不幸地，尚未得到充分利用。
這種幽默，很不幸地，尚未得到充分利用。
10:21
It is a sort of poetry of deliberate awkwardness.
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它是一種蓄意的尷尬詩歌。
10:24
I refer to self-mockery.
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我指的是自嘲。
10:26
For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported
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對於那些由傳統約束的、
10:29
by the constraints of tradition,
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無以為繼的伴侶們，
10:31
I believe that self-mockery
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我相信自嘲
10:33
is one of the best means for
the relationship to endure.
the relationship to endure.
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是得以忍受彼此關係的最佳途徑之一。
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Yann Dall'Aglio - PhilosopherYann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love.
Why you should listen
Philosopher Yann Dall'Aglio writes about love in the digital age. His two books, A Rolex at 50: Do you have the right to miss your life?and I love you: Is love a has been? explore the challenges and triumphs in the modern era, where individualism and consumerism reign. His work is a declaration of his faith in love, a major feat for a skeptical philosopher.
Yann Dall'Aglio | Speaker | TED.com