TED2014
Andrew Solomon: How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are
安德鲁·所罗门: 生命中最惨痛的时刻如何造就我们
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作家安德鲁·所罗门一生都在阐述关于艰辛的故事。现在他转向自己，带给我们一个充满挣扎的童年，同时简述着他近年来遇见的勇敢的人们的故事。在这个动人，衷心而时而完全幽默的演讲中，所罗门呼吁我们从最大的挑战中找寻意义。
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
As a student of adversity,
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我从逆境中学习：
00:16
I've been struck over the years
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这些年来，我一次又一次
00:17
by how some people
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被人们如何
00:19
with major challenges
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从极大的挑战中
00:21
seem to draw strength from them,
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得到力量而震撼，
00:24
and I've heard the popular wisdom
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人们说，
00:26
that that has to do with finding meaning.
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这和找寻生命的意义有关。
00:28
And for a long time,
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很长一段时间，
我以为生命的意义在某一处
00:30
I thought the meaning was out there,
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00:32
some great truth waiting to be found.
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它是等待被发掘的真理。
00:35
But over time, I've come to feel
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但随着时间的迁移，我渐渐感到
00:38
that the truth is irrelevant.
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真理无关紧要
00:40
We call it finding meaning,
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我们称它为找寻意义，
00:42
but we might better call it forging meaning.
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但或许我们该更准确地称它铸造意义。
00:47
My last book was about how families
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我上一本书讲的是家庭
00:49
manage to deal with various kinds of challenging
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如何应对各种让人伤脑筋的，
00:52
or unusual offspring,
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或不寻常的儿女们，
00:54
and one of the mothers I interviewed,
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我访问了一位有两名
00:56
who had two children with
multiple severe disabilities,
multiple severe disabilities,
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患有多重残疾的孩童的母亲，
00:59
said to me, "People always give us
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她对我说：“人们总是给予我们
01:02
these little sayings like,
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一些所谓的名言，例如
01:03
'God doesn't give you any
more than you can handle,'
more than you can handle,'
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‘上帝不会给你多过你能承载的’
01:07
but children like ours
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但是像我家这样的孩子
01:09
are not preordained as a gift.
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并不是天生就注定是份礼物。
01:13
They're a gift because that's what we have chosen."
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他们是一份礼物，是因为我们选择如此。”
01:18
We make those choices all our lives.
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我们一生中有很多这样的选择。
01:22
When I was in second grade,
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我小学二年级的时候，
01:25
Bobby Finkel had a birthday party
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鲍比开了个生日派对
01:27
and invited everyone in our class but me.
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他邀请了班上的所有人，除了我 。
01:32
My mother assumed there
had been some sort of error,
had been some sort of error,
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我妈妈认为一定是出了什么差错，
01:34
and she called Mrs. Finkel,
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所以给鲍比的母亲打了电话，
01:36
who said that Bobby didn't like me
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鲍比的母亲说，鲍比不喜欢我，
01:38
and didn't want me at his party.
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不想让我参加他的派对。
01:42
And that day, my mom took me to the zoo
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那天，我妈妈带我去了动物园
01:45
and out for a hot fudge sundae.
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并去吃了焦糖冰激凌。
01:48
When I was in seventh grade,
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我在7年级（初中一年级）时，
01:49
one of the kids on my school bus
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我乘坐的校车上有个孩子
01:52
nicknamed me "Percy"
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叫我：‘波西’ （发音似女式手提包）
01:54
as a shorthand for my demeanor,
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取笑我的言行举止，
01:56
and sometimes, he and his cohort
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有时，他和他的伙伴
01:59
would chant that provocation
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会在整个校车的路途上
02:02
the entire school bus ride,
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不停的吆喝着这个挑衅，
02:03
45 minutes up, 45 minutes back,
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去学校的45分钟，回家的45分钟，
02:07
"Percy! Percy! Percy! Percy!"
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‘波西！波西！波西！波西！’
02:12
When I was in eighth grade,
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当我8年级（初中二年级）的时候，
02:14
our science teacher told us
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我们的科学老师告诉我们，
02:16
that all male homosexuals
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所有的男性同性恋者
02:18
develop fecal incontinence
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都会大便失禁
02:20
because of the trauma to their anal sphincter.
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因为他们的肛门肌肉受到创伤。
02:25
And I graduated high school
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我直到高中毕业，
02:26
without ever going to the cafeteria,
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我都从没去过学校的食堂，
02:29
where I would have sat with the girls
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在那儿我如果和女生坐在一起，
02:31
and been laughed at for doing so,
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那么我会被笑话，
02:33
or sat with the boys
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或者如果我和男生坐在一起
02:35
and been laughed at for being a boy
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那么我会被笑话为一个
02:37
who should be sitting with the girls.
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本应该跟女生坐在一起的男生。
02:39
I survived that childhood through a mix
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我用了忍耐加上逃避，
02:42
of avoidance and endurance.
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才熬过了我的童年。
02:45
What I didn't know then,
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我当时不知道，
02:47
and do know now,
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但我现在明白了：
02:49
is that avoidance and endurance
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逃避和忍耐
02:51
can be the entryway to forging meaning.
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是铸造意义的入口通道。
02:56
After you've forged meaning,
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铸造了意义以后，
02:58
you need to incorporate that meaning
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你必须把这个意义融入
03:00
into a new identity.
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一个新的身份。
03:02
You need to take the traumas and make them part
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你需要把创伤变成
03:06
of who you've come to be,
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你自身的一部分，
03:08
and you need to fold the worst events of your life
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你必须把生命中最糟糕的时间，
03:11
into a narrative of triumph,
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揉搓成胜利的故事，
03:13
evincing a better self
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用更好的自己
03:15
in response to things that hurt.
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来还击能伤害你的事物。
03:18
One of the other mothers I interviewed
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我在写我的书时，
03:20
when I was working on my book
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访问了一位母亲，
03:22
had been raped as an adolescent,
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她年少时被强奸，
03:25
and had a child following that rape,
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而在那之后她怀了孩子，
03:28
which had thrown away her career plans
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这摧毁了她的事业计划
03:31
and damaged all of her emotional relationships.
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也使她的情感关系受创。
03:35
But when I met her, she was 50,
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当我遇见她时，她已经50岁了，
03:38
and I said to her,
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我问她，
03:39
"Do you often think about the man who raped you?"
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“你常想起那个强奸你的男人吗？”
03:42
And she said, "I used to think about him with anger,
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而她回答道：“我曾经对他很气愤，
03:46
but now only with pity."
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但现在只有怜悯。”
03:48
And I thought she meant pity because he was
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我以为她所说的怜悯是因为
03:51
so unevolved as to have done this terrible thing.
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只有粗鄙的男人才能做出如此不堪的事情。
03:54
And I said, "Pity?"
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我问她：“怜悯？”
03:56
And she said, "Yes,
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她回答到：“是的，
03:57
because he has a beautiful daughter
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因为他有一个美丽的女儿
04:00
and two beautiful grandchildren
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和两个美丽的孙子孙女
04:02
and he doesn't know that, and I do.
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但他并不知道，而我知道。
04:06
So as it turns out, I'm the lucky one."
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所以显然，我是幸运的。”
04:12
Some of our struggles are things we're born to:
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有些挣扎是先天的：
04:15
our gender, our sexuality, our race, our disability.
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我们的性别，性倾向，种族，残疾。
04:21
And some are things that happen to us:
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有些是后天发生的事情：
04:23
being a political prisoner, being a rape victim,
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成为政治犯，成为强奸的受害者，
04:27
being a Katrina survivor.
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成为飓风卡特里娜的幸存者。
04:29
Identity involves entering a community
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身份意味着进入一个社群
04:32
to draw strength from that community,
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从社群中得到力量，
04:35
and to give strength there too.
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并同时给予那社群力量。
04:37
It involves substituting "and" for "but" --
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这需要把“但是”转换成“而且”
04:42
not "I am here but I have cancer,"
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不是“我在这儿但是我有癌症”
04:46
but rather, "I have cancer and I am here."
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而是，“我有癌症而且我在这里。”
04:51
When we're ashamed,
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当我们对自己感到惭愧，
04:53
we can't tell our stories,
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我们就无法阐述自己的故事，
04:55
and stories are the foundation of identity.
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而故事是身份的基础。
05:00
Forge meaning, build identity,
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铸造意义，建立身份，
05:04
forge meaning and build identity.
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铸造意义并建立身份，
05:07
That became my mantra.
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这变成了我的口头禅。
05:10
Forging meaning is about changing yourself.
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铸造意义所需要的是改变自己。
05:13
Building identity is about changing the world.
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建立身份所需要的是改变世界。
05:17
All of us with stigmatized identities
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所有像我这样身份沾有污点的人
05:19
face this question daily:
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每天都必须面对这个问题：
05:21
how much to accommodate society
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我该多大限度地通过禁锢自己
05:24
by constraining ourselves,
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来迁就社会
05:26
and how much to break the limits
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我该多大限度地打破所谓
05:29
of what constitutes a valid life?
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正确生活的底线？
05:32
Forging meaning and building identity
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铸造意义和建立身份
05:35
does not make what was wrong right.
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不会把错的变成对的。
05:38
It only makes what was wrong precious.
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只会把错误的变得珍贵。
05:43
In January of this year,
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今年一月，
05:45
I went to Myanmar to interview political prisoners,
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我前往缅甸访问政治囚犯，
05:49
and I was surprised to find them less bitter
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而我惊讶地发现他们
05:52
than I'd anticipated.
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没有我想象中的那么怀恨。
05:53
Most of them had knowingly committed
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他们大多在知情的情况下
05:55
the offenses that landed them in prison,
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犯下了让他们入狱的罪行，
05:58
and they had walked in with their heads held high,
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而他们昂首挺胸地走入监狱，
06:01
and they walked out with their heads
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多年后，他们依然昂首
06:03
still held high, many years later.
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地走出监狱。
06:07
Dr. Ma Thida, a leading human rights activist
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马提达博士，一位人活跃的权运动领袖
06:10
who had nearly died in prison
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曾经几乎丧命于狱中
06:12
and had spent many years in solitary confinement,
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并在单独禁锢中度过多年，
06:15
told me she was grateful to her jailers
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但她告诉我她很感谢她的囚监
06:19
for the time she had had to think,
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给她思考的时间，
06:21
for the wisdom she had gained,
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让她得到了许多的智慧，
06:23
for the chance to hone her meditation skills.
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和增进她的沉思的能力。
06:27
She had sought meaning
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她追寻了意义，
06:29
and made her travail into a crucial identity.
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并把她受的难变成了重要的身份。
06:33
But if the people I met
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但如果我见到的人们
06:35
were less bitter than I'd anticipated
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没我想象的中那么怀恨
06:37
about being in prison,
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他们在狱中的时间，
06:38
they were also less thrilled than I'd expected
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他们也没有我想象的
06:41
about the reform process going on
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对他们国家的政治改革
06:43
in their country.
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那么高兴。
06:45
Ma Thida said,
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马提达说：
06:47
"We Burmese are noted
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“我们缅甸人出了名的
06:48
for our tremendous grace under pressure,
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在压力下能保持优雅，
06:52
but we also have grievance under glamour,"
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但在华丽表象下却有不满，”
06:56
she said, "and the fact that there have been
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他说道，“我们曾经历
06:58
these shifts and changes
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这些动荡和改变
07:00
doesn't erase the continuing problems
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并不能消除我们
07:02
in our society
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在狱中学会看清的
07:04
that we learned to see so well
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社会中
07:06
while we were in prison."
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长久以来的问题。”
07:08
And I understood her to be saying
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而我所理解她所说的是
07:10
that concessions confer only a little humanity,
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相比完整的人性所需要的，
07:14
where full humanity is due,
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妥协换来的只是一小部分的人性
07:16
that crumbs are not the same
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这就像面包屑并不等于
07:18
as a place at the table,
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饭桌前就餐的位置
07:20
which is to say you can forge meaning
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而这意味着你可以在铸造意义
07:23
and build identity and still be mad as hell.
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和寻求身份的同时十分气愤。
07:29
I've never been raped,
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我不曾被强奸，
07:31
and I've never been in anything
remotely approaching
remotely approaching
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我也不曾体验过任何
07:34
a Burmese prison,
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接近缅甸监狱的事情，
07:36
but as a gay American,
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但身为一名同性恋的美国人，
07:37
I've experienced prejudice and even hatred,
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我经历过歧视甚至仇恨，
07:42
and I've forged meaning and I've built identity,
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而我也曾铸造过意义和建造了身份，
07:46
which is a move I learned from people
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这是我从经历过比我
07:48
who had experienced far worse privation
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更多困苦的人身上
07:51
than I've ever known.
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学习到的法则。
07:53
In my own adolescence,
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我年少时，
07:55
I went to extreme lengths to try to be straight.
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曾经千辛万苦地努力成为异性恋者。
07:59
I enrolled myself in something called
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我为自己报名参加了称为
08:01
sexual surrogacy therapy,
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性替代品的疗法。
08:03
in which people I was encouraged to call doctors
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所谓的医生为我
08:07
prescribed what I was encouraged to call exercises
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和所谓替代品女人
08:10
with women I was encouraged to call surrogates,
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规定了所谓的练习，
08:14
who were not exactly prostitutes
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她们并不是妓女，
08:17
but who were also not exactly anything else.
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但除了妓女却也什么都不是。
08:20
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:24
My particular favorite
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我最喜爱的
08:26
was a blonde woman from the Deep South
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是从南部来的一位金发女郎，
08:28
who eventually admitted to me
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她最终向我坦白
08:30
that she was really a necrophiliac
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她是个恋尸癖
08:32
and had taken this job after she got in trouble
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在她在停尸房中出了事儿后，
08:35
down at the morgue.
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才接受了这份工作。
08:37
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:43
These experiences eventually allowed me to have
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这些经历最终让我和一些女人
08:46
some happy physical relationships with women,
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发生了愉快的肉体关系，
08:49
for which I'm grateful,
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我对此抱有感激，
08:50
but I was at war with myself,
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但我也和自己不断的战斗，
08:53
and I dug terrible wounds into my own psyche.
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4834
我在自身的心灵里划下了了严重的伤。
08:58
We don't seek the painful experiences
190
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3225
我们不寻求揉搓出我们身份
09:01
that hew our identities,
191
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2676
的那些惨痛经验
09:04
but we seek our identities
192
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1810
但我们在惨痛的经验之后，
09:06
in the wake of painful experiences.
193
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3433
却会追寻我们的身份。
09:09
We cannot bear a pointless torment,
194
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2886
我们不能承担无谓的痛苦，
09:12
but we can endure great pain
195
540229
2500
但如果我们认定它是有意义的，
09:14
if we believe that it's purposeful.
196
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3175
我们就能忍受巨大的痛苦。
09:18
Ease makes less of an impression on us
197
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2256
安逸比起挣扎并不会对
09:20
than struggle.
198
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1483
我们留下深刻的印象。
09:21
We could have been ourselves without our delights,
199
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2457
没有了喜悦，我们还会是我们，
09:24
but not without the misfortunes
200
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2276
但没有了促使我们追寻意义的不幸
09:26
that drive our search for meaning.
201
554376
2831
我们就不是现今的自己。
09:29
"Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities,"
202
557207
3783
“所以，我在不幸中得到快乐，”
09:33
St. Paul wrote in Second Corinthians,
203
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2284
圣保罗在第二哥林多前书中写道，
09:35
"for when I am weak, then I am strong."
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4516
”当我软弱时，我是坚强的。“
09:39
In 1988, I went to Moscow
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2945
1988年，我前往莫斯科
09:42
to interview artists of the Soviet underground,
206
570735
3115
采访苏联的地下艺术家，
09:46
and I expected their work to be
207
573850
1873
我本以为他们的作品
09:47
dissident and political.
208
575723
2454
会是持不同意见的和政治性的。
09:50
But the radicalism in their work actually lay
209
578177
3058
但是他们作品中的激进其实在
09:53
in reinserting humanity into a society
210
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2925
把人性重新注入
09:56
that was annihilating humanity itself,
211
584160
2183
在毁灭人性的社会中，
09:58
as, in some senses, Russian society
212
586343
2788
正如，在某程度上，
10:01
is now doing again.
213
589131
1867
现今的俄罗斯社会再一次在做的。
10:03
One of the artists I met said to me,
214
590998
2587
我遇到的其中一名艺术家对我说，
10:05
"We were in training to be not artists but angels."
215
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4411
"我们正在苦炼成为天使，而不是艺术家。”
10:10
In 1991, I went back to see the artists
216
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3155
1991年，我回到莫斯科拜访这些
10:13
I'd been writing about,
217
601151
1478
我曾写过的艺术家,
10:14
and I was with them during the putsch
218
602629
2149
我和他们一起度过了，
10:16
that ended the Soviet Union,
219
604778
1762
终结苏联的政变，
10:18
and they were among the chief organizers
220
606540
2289
而他们是抵抗政变
10:21
of the resistance to that putsch.
221
608829
3026
的主要组织者之一。
10:24
And on the third day of the putsch,
222
611855
3419
在政变的第三天，
10:27
one of them suggested we walk up to Smolenskaya.
223
615274
3039
他们其中的一员建议我们去斯莫兰卡雅（莫斯科地名）。
10:30
And we went there,
224
618313
1282
我们去了那里，
10:31
and we arranged ourselves in
front of one of the barricades,
front of one of the barricades,
225
619595
3259
然后我们列好队站在一个街垒前，
10:35
and a little while later,
226
622854
1758
过了一会儿，
10:36
a column of tanks rolled up,
227
624612
2261
一列坦克车开来了，
10:39
and the soldier on the front tank said,
228
626873
2037
最前方的坦克车士兵说，
10:41
"We have unconditional orders
229
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2204
“我们有无条件的命令
10:43
to destroy this barricade.
230
631114
1606
要摧毁这个街垒。
10:44
If you get out of the way,
231
632720
1655
如果你们让开，
10:46
we don't need to hurt you,
232
634375
1565
我们不需伤害你们，
10:48
but if you won't move, we'll have no choice
233
635940
1878
但如果你们待在这儿，我们没办法
10:50
but to run you down."
234
637818
1713
只能压过你们。”
10:51
And the artists I was with said,
235
639531
1852
和我在一起的艺术家们说，
10:53
"Give us just a minute.
236
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1407
“给我们一分钟，
10:54
Give us just a minute to tell you why we're here."
237
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4348
给我们一分钟告诉你我们为什么在这里。”
10:59
And the soldier folded his arms,
238
647138
2056
那个士兵把双臂交叉在胸前，
11:01
and the artist launched into a
Jeffersonian panegyric to democracy
Jeffersonian panegyric to democracy
239
649194
4600
那名艺术家开始以杰斐逊式的民主颂词，
11:05
such as those of us who live
240
653794
1858
这是我们这些生活在
11:07
in a Jeffersonian democracy
241
655652
1921
杰斐逊式的民主社会的人
11:09
would be hard-pressed to present.
242
657573
3295
也苦于表达的。
11:13
And they went on and on,
243
660868
1756
他们滔滔不绝地说着，
11:14
and the soldier watched,
244
662624
2003
而那名士兵看着他们，
11:16
and then he sat there for a full minute
245
664627
1729
知道他们说完了之后，
11:18
after they were finished
246
666356
1504
他坐在那里待了整整一分钟，
11:20
and looked at us so bedraggled in the rain,
247
667860
2785
看着我们这群落汤鸡，
11:22
and said, "What you have said is true,
248
670645
3677
然后说，“你们说的是事实，
11:26
and we must bow to the will of the people.
249
674322
3616
而我们必须听从民意。
11:30
If you'll clear enough space for us to turn around,
250
677938
2471
如果你们让出足够的位置让我们掉头，
11:32
we'll go back the way we came."
251
680409
2454
我们会原路返回。”
11:35
And that's what they did.
252
682863
2146
而他们果真这样做了。
11:37
Sometimes, forging meaning
253
685009
2218
有时，铸造意义
11:39
can give you the vocabulary you need
254
687227
2620
能给你所需要的辞藻
11:42
to fight for your ultimate freedom.
255
689847
3258
来争取你最终的自由。
11:45
Russia awakened me to the lemonade notion
256
693105
3155
俄罗斯让我意识到逆境求生的概念：
11:48
that oppression breeds the power to oppose it,
257
696260
2554
剥削会繁衍抵抗剥削的力量，
11:51
and I gradually understood that as the cornerstone
258
698814
3426
而我逐渐明白了这是
11:54
of identity.
259
702240
1534
身份的基石。
11:55
It took identity to rescue me from sadness.
260
703774
4685
身份从伤痛中拯救了我。
12:00
The gay rights movement posits a world
261
708459
2116
同性恋权利运动憧憬一个
12:02
in which my aberrances are a victory.
262
710575
2851
我的畸形是一种胜利。
12:05
Identity politics always works on two fronts:
263
713426
3628
身份的政治总是从两方面出发：
12:09
to give pride to people who have a given condition
264
717054
3055
给有特殊情况或特征的人
12:12
or characteristic,
265
720109
1457
应有的自豪；
12:13
and to cause the outside world
266
721566
1676
和让外在的世界
12:15
to treat such people more gently and more kindly.
267
723242
3528
温柔地善待这些人。
12:18
Those are two totally separate enterprises,
268
726770
3518
这是两种不同的途径，
12:22
but progress in each sphere
269
730288
1825
但不管哪个方面的进展
12:24
reverberates in the other.
270
732113
2359
都会在另一方面造成回响。
12:26
Identity politics can be narcissistic.
271
734472
3749
身份的政治可以变成自恋的。
12:30
People extol a difference only because it's theirs.
272
738221
3328
人们称赞不同只是应为那是他们自身的。
12:33
People narrow the world and function
273
741549
2399
人们把世界窄化，
12:36
in discrete groups without empathy for one another.
274
743948
3051
形成个体，对他人毫无同情。
12:39
But properly understood
275
746999
2485
但如果它得以正确的理解
12:41
and wisely practiced,
276
749484
1921
和理智的运用，
12:43
identity politics should expand
277
751405
1991
身份的政治应该
12:45
our idea of what it is to be human.
278
753396
2527
扩充我们对人性的概念。
12:48
Identity itself
279
755923
1718
身份自身
12:49
should be not a smug label
280
757641
2549
不应是让人自满的标签
12:52
or a gold medal
281
760190
2084
或是一枚金牌
12:54
but a revolution.
282
762274
2473
但应是一个革命。
12:56
I would have had an easier life if I were straight,
283
764747
3566
如果我是异性恋，我的生活会轻松很多，
13:00
but I would not be me,
284
768313
1797
但我不会是我，
13:02
and I now like being myself better
285
770110
2665
我现在比较喜欢做我自己
13:04
than the idea of being someone else,
286
772775
2053
而不想成为另一个人，
13:07
someone who, to be honest,
287
774828
1648
说实话，
13:08
I have neither the option of being
288
776476
2084
我无法成为,
13:10
nor the ability fully to imagine.
289
778560
2477
也无法想象其他人。
13:13
But if you banish the dragons,
290
781037
2152
但如果你驱逐了恶龙，
13:15
you banish the heroes,
291
783189
2565
你也同时驱逐了英雄，
13:17
and we become attached
292
785754
1541
而我们无法放下
13:19
to the heroic strain in our own lives.
293
787295
3128
我们生命中英雄的那一部分。
13:22
I've sometimes wondered
294
790423
1281
我有时候会问自己
13:23
whether I could have ceased
to hate that part of myself
to hate that part of myself
295
791704
2782
如果没有同性恋权益的色彩斑斓，
13:26
without gay pride's technicolor fiesta,
296
794486
2581
(这个演讲就是其显像之一），
13:29
of which this speech is one manifestation.
297
797067
4501
我能否停止憎恨自己的那一部分。
13:33
I used to think I would know myself to be mature
298
801568
2897
我曾经认为当我是同性恋者，
13:36
when I could simply be gay without emphasis,
299
804465
2854
却不加宣扬时，我就成熟了，
13:39
but the self-loathing of that period left a void,
300
807319
3909
但那段时间的自厌留下了一个洞，
13:43
and celebration needs to fill and overflow it,
301
811228
3735
需要靠庆祝来填满和倾注，
13:47
and even if I repay my private debt of melancholy,
302
814963
3694
就算我还清了我自身的悲伤，
13:50
there's still an outer world of homophobia
303
818657
2756
外在的同性恋恐惧症还是存在的
13:53
that it will take decades to address.
304
821413
2889
那需要几十年的时间来解决。
13:56
Someday, being gay will be a simple fact,
305
824302
3315
有一天，同性恋身份会是个简单的事实，
13:59
free of party hats and blame,
306
827617
2849
没有夸耀或指责，
14:02
but not yet.
307
830466
1518
但现在不是这样。
14:04
A friend of mine who thought gay pride
308
831984
2749
我有个朋友，他认为
14:06
was getting very carried away with itself,
309
834733
1914
同性恋权益忘乎所以，
14:08
once suggested that we organize
310
836647
1564
他提议我们举行
14:10
Gay Humility Week.
311
838211
2022
同性恋“谦卑”一周。
14:12
(Laughter) (Applause)
312
840233
4467
（笑声）（掌声）
14:18
It's a great idea,
313
846643
2195
这是个好主意，
14:21
but its time has not yet come.
314
848838
2429
但它的时间未到。
14:23
(Laughter)
315
851267
1985
（笑声）
14:25
And neutrality, which seems to lie
316
853252
2199
而中立，这似乎
14:27
halfway between despair and celebration,
317
855451
2754
在绝望和庆祝中间的东西，
14:30
is actually the endgame.
318
858205
3186
才是最终的目标。
14:33
In 29 states in the U.S.,
319
861391
2520
在美国有29个州，
14:36
I could legally be fired or denied housing
320
863911
3262
法律准许我因为同性恋身份，
14:39
for being gay.
321
867173
2166
而被开除或被拒之门外。
14:41
In Russia, the anti-propaganda law
322
869339
2621
在俄罗斯，反政治宣传法
14:44
has led to people being beaten in the streets.
323
871960
2977
导致人们在大街上被殴打。
14:47
Twenty-seven African countries
324
874937
2056
二十七个非洲国家
14:49
have passed laws against sodomy,
325
876993
2898
立法严禁肛交，
14:52
and in Nigeria, gay people can legally
326
879891
2239
在尼日利亚，同性恋者
14:54
be stoned to death,
327
882130
1458
可以合法地被处于石刑,
14:55
and lynchings have become common.
328
883588
2690
私刑也最近变得越发常见
14:58
In Saudi Arabia recently, two men
329
886278
3090
近日在沙特阿拉伯，两个被逮到
15:01
who had been caught in carnal acts,
330
889368
1905
在发生肉体关系的男人，
15:03
were sentenced to 7,000 lashes each,
331
891273
4667
每人被判了7000下的鞭刑，
15:08
and are now permanently disabled as a result.
332
895940
3399
而现在变得终身残疾。
15:11
So who can forge meaning
333
899339
1871
那谁能铸造意义
15:13
and build identity?
334
901210
2780
和建立身份呢？
15:16
Gay rights are not primarily marriage rights,
335
903990
3327
同性恋权益不主要是婚姻权益，
15:19
and for the millions who live in unaccepting places
336
907317
2936
而对数以百万生活在不包容
15:22
with no resources,
337
910253
2177
和缺少资源地方的人们，
15:24
dignity remains elusive.
338
912430
2480
尊严是可望而不可及的。
15:27
I am lucky to have forged meaning
339
914910
3012
我很幸运，能够铸造意义
15:30
and built identity,
340
917922
2066
和建造身份，
15:32
but that's still a rare privilege,
341
919988
2297
但这是少有的特权，
15:34
and gay people deserve more collectively
342
922285
2829
同性恋者群体应得到的
15:37
than the crumbs of justice.
343
925114
3436
不只是一点点的正义。
15:40
And yet, every step forward
344
928550
3051
然而，每点进步
15:43
is so sweet.
345
931601
2066
都是甜蜜的。
15:45
In 2007, six years after we met,
346
933667
3654
在2007年，在我和我的伴侣
15:49
my partner and I decided
347
937321
2057
相识六年后，
15:51
to get married.
348
939378
1734
我们决定结婚。
15:53
Meeting John had been the discovery
349
941112
2182
遇见约翰让我找到了
15:55
of great happiness
350
943294
1856
巨大的快乐，
15:57
and also the elimination of great unhappiness,
351
945150
3100
也去除了庞大的不快乐，
16:00
and sometimes, I was so occupied
352
948250
2614
有时候，我太在乎着
16:03
with the disappearance of all that pain
353
950864
2501
痛苦的消失，
16:05
that I forgot about the joy,
354
953365
2352
而忘了喜悦，
16:07
which was at first the less
remarkable part of it to me.
remarkable part of it to me.
355
955717
3747
它一开始并不是那么的起眼。
16:11
Marrying was a way to declare our love
356
959464
2701
婚姻是我们宣扬我们爱的存在
16:14
as more a presence than an absence.
357
962165
3986
而不是缺憾。
16:18
Marriage soon led us to children,
358
966151
2452
婚姻很快把我们引导向孩子，
16:20
and that meant new meanings
359
968603
1607
而这意味着新的意义
16:22
and new identities, ours and theirs.
360
970210
4252
和新的身份，我们的和他们的。
16:26
I want my children to be happy,
361
974462
2927
我要我的孩子们开心，
16:29
and I love them most achingly when they are sad.
362
977389
3781
在他们伤心时，我最疼他们。
16:33
As a gay father, I can teach them
363
981170
2680
作为一名同性恋的父亲，我可以教导他们
16:36
to own what is wrong in their lives,
364
983850
2677
去理解他们生命中的错误，
16:38
but I believe that if I succeed
365
986527
1793
但我相信如果我成功地
16:40
in sheltering them from adversity,
366
988320
2320
让他们远离逆境，
16:42
I will have failed as a parent.
367
990640
2890
那我身为父亲是失败的。
16:45
A Buddhist scholar I know once explained to me
368
993530
3068
我认识的一位佛教学者曾向我解释
16:48
that Westerners mistakenly think
369
996598
1969
西方人错误地认为
16:50
that nirvana is what arrives
370
998567
2355
涅磐降临在所有疾苦消逝
16:53
when all your woe is behind you
371
1000922
2743
只剩下
16:55
and you have only bliss to look forward to.
372
1003665
3239
幸福在眼前的时候。
16:59
But he said that would not be nirvana,
373
1006904
2165
但他说这不是涅磐，
17:01
because your bliss in the present
374
1009069
1510
因为你现今的幸福
17:02
would always be shadowed by the joy from the past.
375
1010579
3999
总会被以前的喜悦掩盖。
17:06
Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive at
376
1014578
2830
以他来看，涅磐的降临，
17:09
when you have only bliss to look forward to
377
1017408
2382
是当你眼前只有幸福，
17:11
and find in what looked like sorrows
378
1019790
2483
而在看起来像是悲伤里
17:14
the seedlings of your joy.
379
1022273
2853
也能找到喜悦的种子。
17:17
And I sometimes wonder
380
1025126
1711
有时候我在想
17:19
whether I could have found such fulfillment
381
1026837
2393
如果婚姻和孩子
17:21
in marriage and children
382
1029230
1462
来得更容易些，
17:22
if they'd come more readily,
383
1030692
2053
我是否会找到这样的满足，
17:24
if I'd been straight in my youth or were young now,
384
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而如果我年轻时是异性恋，或我还年轻，
17:28
in either of which cases this might be easier.
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它们会让事情变得简单。
17:32
Perhaps I could.
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1579
也许我会的。
17:33
Perhaps all the complex imagining I've done
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2337
也许我做过的所有的复杂事情
17:36
could have been applied to other topics.
388
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都可以应用在其他的议题上。
17:38
But if seeking meaning
389
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1640
但如果寻求意义
17:40
matters more than finding meaning,
390
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1857
比找到意义更重要，
17:41
the question is not whether I'd be happier
391
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3363
那问题不是我是不是因为被欺负
17:45
for having been bullied,
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1546
而更加快乐，
17:46
but whether assigning meaning
393
1054647
1672
而是这些被赋予意义
17:48
to those experiences
394
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1735
的经历
17:50
has made me a better father.
395
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2416
是否让我成为更好的父亲。
17:52
I tend to find the ecstasy hidden in ordinary joys,
396
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4008
我常常发现在普通的快乐中躲藏的狂喜，
17:56
because I did not expect those joys
397
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1959
因为我不认定这些快乐
17:58
to be ordinary to me.
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对我来说是普通的。
18:01
I know many heterosexuals who have
399
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1817
我认识许多异性恋者他们
18:02
equally happy marriages and families,
400
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2266
有着同样快乐的婚姻和家庭，
18:05
but gay marriage is so breathtakingly fresh,
401
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2861
但同性婚姻是那么的让人赞叹的新鲜，
18:08
and gay families so exhilaratingly new,
402
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3304
同性家庭是那么的令人振奋的新奇，
18:11
and I found meaning in that surprise.
403
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4259
而我在这惊喜中找到了意义。
18:15
In October, it was my 50th birthday,
404
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3438
10月是我的50岁生日，
18:19
and my family organized a party for me,
405
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3218
我的家人为我举办了派对，
18:22
and in the middle of it,
406
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1489
在进行到一半时，
18:23
my son said to my husband
407
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1417
我的儿子对我的先生说
18:25
that he wanted to make a speech,
408
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1666
他想要演讲，
18:26
and John said,
409
1094700
994
约翰说，
18:27
"George, you can't make a speech. You're four."
410
1095694
4622
“乔治，你不能演讲，你才四岁。”
18:32
(Laughter)
411
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1514
（笑声）
18:34
"Only Grandpa and Uncle David and I
412
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2336
“今晚只有爷爷和大卫叔叔
18:36
are going to make speeches tonight."
413
1104166
2049
和我要演讲。”
18:38
But George insisted and insisted,
414
1106215
2905
但是乔治一再的坚持，
18:41
and finally, John took him up to the microphone,
415
1109120
3003
终于，约翰把他带到了麦克风前，
18:44
and George said very loudly,
416
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3056
然后乔治很大声的说，
18:47
"Ladies and gentlemen,
417
1115179
2444
“女士们先生们，
18:49
may I have your attention please."
418
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2582
请大家注意一下。”
18:52
And everyone turned around, startled.
419
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2715
大家都转过身来，惊呆了，
18:55
And George said,
420
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2107
乔治说道，
18:57
"I'm glad it's Daddy's birthday.
421
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2331
“我很高兴今天是爹爹的生日。
18:59
I'm glad we all get cake.
422
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3441
我很高兴有蛋糕吃。
19:02
And daddy, if you were little,
423
1130799
3158
还有，爹爹，如果你还是小孩，
19:06
I'd be your friend."
424
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3267
我会做你的朋友。”
19:09
And I thought — Thank you.
425
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2831
而我想 （ 谢谢）
19:12
I thought that I was indebted
426
1140601
2299
我想我甚至对鲍比
19:15
even to Bobby Finkel,
427
1142900
1795
都有亏欠，
19:16
because all those earlier experiences
428
1144695
2737
应为所有这些先前的经历
19:19
were what had propelled me to this moment,
429
1147432
2368
把我带到了现在这一刻，
19:22
and I was finally unconditionally grateful
430
1149800
2532
而我终于无条件地感激
19:24
for a life I'd once have done anything to change.
431
1152332
3775
这个我一度千方百计想要改变的人生
一个年轻的同性恋男人
19:28
The gay activist Harvey Milk
432
1156107
2045
曾问过同性恋运动人士哈维·米尔克
19:30
was once asked by a younger gay man
433
1158152
2528
19:32
what he could do to help the movement,
434
1160680
2216
他能为这个运动做点什么,
19:35
and Harvey Milk said,
435
1162896
1411
哈维·米尔克说，
19:36
"Go out and tell someone."
436
1164307
2414
“出去告诉一个人。”
19:38
There's always somebody who wants to confiscate
437
1166721
2624
世上总是有人
19:41
our humanity,
438
1169345
1605
想要没收我们的人性
19:43
and there are always stories that restore it.
439
1170950
2788
但也总是有恢复人性的故事。
19:45
If we live out loud,
440
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1578
如果我们活出精彩，
19:47
we can trounce the hatred
441
1175316
1666
我们就能战胜憎恨
19:49
and expand everyone's lives.
442
1176982
3414
拓宽众人的生命。
19:52
Forge meaning. Build identity.
443
1180396
3624
铸造意义，建立身份
19:56
Forge meaning.
444
1184020
2073
铸造意义,
19:58
Build identity.
445
1186093
2747
建立身份。
20:01
And then invite the world
446
1188840
1798
然后邀请世界
20:02
to share your joy.
447
1190638
1696
共享你的喜悦。
20:04
Thank you.
448
1192334
3246
谢谢。
20:07
(Applause)
449
1195580
1426
（掌声）
20:09
Thank you. (Applause)
450
1197006
3077
谢谢。（掌声）
20:12
Thank you. (Applause)
451
1200083
4099
谢谢。（掌声）
20:16
Thank you. (Applause)
452
1204182
4000
谢谢。（掌声）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Andrew Solomon - WriterAndrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.
Why you should listen
Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.
Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.
Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.
Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com