TEDMED 2016
Emtithal Mahmoud: A young poet tells the story of Darfur
艾米迪瑟·马哈茂德: 年轻的诗人讲述达尔富尔的故事
Filmed:
Readability: 3.2
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艾米迪瑟“艾米”马哈茂德书写坚韧的诗歌，用诗句面对她逃避达尔富尔种族灭绝的经历。 她分享了两首关于难民、家庭、欢乐和悲伤的原创诗词，她在问：“你会见证我吗？”
Emtithal Mahmoud - Poet
Emtithal "Emi" Mahmoud dedicates her time to spreading understanding through poetry and advocacy, particularly for the cause of refugees and disadvantaged communities the world over. Full bio
Emtithal "Emi" Mahmoud dedicates her time to spreading understanding through poetry and advocacy, particularly for the cause of refugees and disadvantaged communities the world over. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I was 10 years old when I learned
what the word "genocide" meant.
what the word "genocide" meant.
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我10岁时学到了
“种族灭绝”是什么。
“种族灭绝”是什么。
00:18
It was 2003,
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那是2003年，
我的同胞因为种族而
遭到残酷的攻击——
遭到残酷的攻击——
00:20
and my people were being brutally
attacked because of their race --
attacked because of their race --
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数十万人被杀，
00:24
hundreds of thousands murdered,
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数百万人流离失所，
00:26
millions displaced,
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一个国家被自己的政府撕裂。
00:28
a nation torn apart at the hands
of its own government.
of its own government.
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我的父母马上公开抗议这场危机。
00:32
My mother and father immediately began
speaking out against the crisis.
speaking out against the crisis.
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我当时并不明白，
00:36
I didn't really understand it,
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只知道我的父母正在饱受摧残。
00:37
except for the fact
that it was destroying my parents.
that it was destroying my parents.
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一天，我碰到母亲在哭，
00:41
One day, I walked in on my mother crying,
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我问她，
为什么我们要埋葬这么多人。
为什么我们要埋葬这么多人。
00:45
and I asked her why
we are burying so many people.
we are burying so many people.
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我不记得她选择怎样的话语
00:50
I don't remember the words that she chose
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为她10岁的女儿描述种族灭绝，
00:53
to describe genocide to her
10-year-old daughter,
10-year-old daughter,
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但我记得那种感觉。
00:57
but I remember the feeling.
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我们感到彻底的孤独，
00:59
We felt completely alone,
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好像没有人能听到我们，
01:02
as if no one could hear us,
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好像我们基本上是透明的。
01:04
as if we were essentially invisible.
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01:08
This is when I wrote
my first poem about Darfur.
my first poem about Darfur.
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当时我写了
关于达尔富尔的第一首诗。
关于达尔富尔的第一首诗。
我写诗来说服人们
听到和看到我们，
听到和看到我们，
01:13
I wrote poetry to convince people
to hear and see us,
to hear and see us,
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我就这样学到了改变我的东西。
01:18
and that's how I learned
the thing that changed me.
the thing that changed me.
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被看见，是容易的。
01:21
It's easy to be seen.
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我的意思是，看看我——
一个年轻的非洲女性，
一个年轻的非洲女性，
01:23
I mean, look at me -- I'm a young
African woman with a scarf around my head,
African woman with a scarf around my head,
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头上包着围巾，一口美国音，
01:28
an American accent on my tongue
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我的故事让最折磨人的
周一上午也散发吸引力。
周一上午也散发吸引力。
01:30
and a story that makes even the most
brutal of Monday mornings seem inviting.
brutal of Monday mornings seem inviting.
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01:36
But it's hard to convince people
that they deserve to be seen.
that they deserve to be seen.
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但是很难说服人们，
他们应该被看见。
他们应该被看见。
01:40
I learned this in my high school
classroom one day,
classroom one day,
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我是某天在高中教室里
学到的这一点，
学到的这一点，
当时老师让我
做个关于达尔富尔的演示。
做个关于达尔富尔的演示。
01:43
when my teacher asked me
to give a presentation about Darfur.
to give a presentation about Darfur.
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我正在设置投影仪时，
一个同学说：
一个同学说：
01:46
I was setting up the projector
when a classmate of mine said,
when a classmate of mine said,
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“你为什么一定要谈这个？
01:49
"Why do you have to talk about this?
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你不能为我们想想吗？
这会给我们带来什么感受？”
这会给我们带来什么感受？”
01:52
Can't you think about us
and how it will make us feel?"
and how it will make us feel?"
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01:55
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
14岁的我不知道该对她说什么，
01:57
My 14-year-old self didn't know
what to say to her,
what to say to her,
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也不知如何解释那一刻我的痛苦，
02:01
or how to explain the pain
that I felt in that moment,
that I felt in that moment,
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以及每一次我们被迫
不去说“这个”时我的痛苦。
不去说“这个”时我的痛苦。
02:05
and in every moment that we were forced
not to talk about "this."
not to talk about "this."
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她的话让我回到
身处达尔富尔的日夜，
身处达尔富尔的日夜，
02:09
Her words took me back to the days
and nights on the ground in Darfur,
and nights on the ground in Darfur,
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在那里我们被迫保持沉默;
02:14
where we were forced to remain silent;
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在那里我们早茶时不说话，
02:16
where we didn't speak over morning tea
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02:18
because the warplanes overhead
would swallow any and all noise;
would swallow any and all noise;
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因为头顶的战机
会淹没所有声音;
会淹没所有声音;
回到我们不仅被告知
02:23
back to the days when we were told
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我们不配被听见、
02:25
not only that we don't
deserve to be heard
deserve to be heard
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而且我们没有权利存在的日子。
02:28
but that we do not have a right to exist.
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02:31
And this is where the magic happened,
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奇迹是这样发生的，
在教室里所有的学生
开始就座时，
开始就座时，
02:34
in that classroom when all the students
started taking their seats
started taking their seats
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我开始讲了，
02:37
and I began to speak,
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尽管出现了新的感觉，
感觉我不配站在那，
感觉我不配站在那，
02:39
despite this renewed feeling
that I didn't deserve to be there,
that I didn't deserve to be there,
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我不属于那里，
02:42
that I didn't belong there
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02:44
or have a right to break the silence.
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也没有权利打破沉默。
我在讲，
02:47
As I talked,
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我的同学们在听，
02:48
and my classmates listened,
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恐惧消失了。
02:51
the fear ebbed away.
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02:54
My mind became calm,
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我平静下来，
我感到了安全。
02:55
and I felt safe.
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02:58
It was the sound of our grieving,
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那是我们哀悼的声音，
他们的手臂环绕着我、
03:01
the feel of their arms around me,
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形成牢固的墙壁
把我们拥在一起的感觉。
把我们拥在一起的感觉。
03:04
the steady walls that held us together.
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我不再感到透明。
03:07
It felt nothing like a vacuum.
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我选择诗歌，
因为它是如此发自肺腑。
因为它是如此发自肺腑。
03:10
I choose poetry because it's so visceral.
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当有人站在你面前，
03:14
When someone is standing in front of you,
mind, body and soul,
mind, body and soul,
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心灵，身体和灵魂，
都在说着“见证我”时，
都在说着“见证我”时，
03:18
saying "Witness me,"
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03:19
it's impossible not to become
keenly aware of your own humanity.
keenly aware of your own humanity.
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你无法避免敏锐地意识到
自己的人性。
自己的人性。
这改变了我的一切。
03:23
This changed everything for me.
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它给了我勇气。
03:25
It gave me courage.
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03:27
Every day I experience
the power of witness,
the power of witness,
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我每天都感受见证人的力量，
正因为如此，我是完整的。
03:30
and because of that, I am whole.
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现在我要问：
03:32
And so now I ask:
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03:34
Will you witness me?
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你会见证我吗？
03:37
They hand me the microphone
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他们递给我麦克风，
我的肩膀在这种压力之下沉降。
03:39
as my shoulders sink
under the weight of this stress.
under the weight of this stress.
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03:44
The woman says,
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一位女士说：
“第一百万名难民刚离开南苏丹，
03:46
"The one millionth refugee
just left South Sudan.
just left South Sudan.
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你的看法是？”
03:48
Can you comment?"
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我感觉我的脚在母亲买来的
高跟鞋上摇摆不定，
高跟鞋上摇摆不定，
03:50
I feel my feet rock back and forth
on the heels my mother bought,
on the heels my mother bought,
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思索着一个问题：
03:54
begging the question:
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我们留下来，还是选择逃走
比较安全？
比较安全？
03:55
Do we stay, or is it safer
to choose flight?
to choose flight?
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我的脑中回响着一堆数字：
03:58
My mind echoes the numbers:
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100万人失踪，
04:01
one million gone,
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04:03
two million displaced,
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200万人流离失所，
40万人死于达尔富尔。
04:05
400,000 dead in Darfur.
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我如鲠在喉，
04:07
And this lump takes over my throat,
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仿佛每一具尸体
在我的食道里
在我的食道里
04:09
as if each of those bodies
just found a grave
just found a grave
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找到了安息之所。
04:12
right here in my esophagus.
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我们曾经的国家，
04:14
Our once country,
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04:15
all north and south and east and west,
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全部的南、北、西、东，
如此躁动不安，
尼罗河也不能让我们团结在一起，
尼罗河也不能让我们团结在一起，
04:18
so restless the Nile couldn't
hold us together,
hold us together,
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可你现在要我总结。
04:20
and you ask me to summarize.
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他们谈论那些数字时
就好像这些事情已经不再发生，
就好像这些事情已经不再发生，
04:23
They talk about the numbers
as if this isn't still happening,
as if this isn't still happening,
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就好像刚死于叙利亚的
五十万人不曾发生，
五十万人不曾发生，
04:26
as if 500,000 didn't just die in Syria,
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就好像那3000人
04:29
as if 3,000 aren't still making
their final stand
their final stand
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未曾消失在地中海的海底。
04:32
at the bottom of the Mediterranean,
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就好像写满种族灭绝的书卷
不曾有过，
不曾有过，
04:35
as if there aren't entire volumes
full of fact sheets about our genocides,
full of fact sheets about our genocides,
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现在他们要我来写。
04:40
and now they want me to write one.
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真相：
04:43
Fact:
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04:45
we never talked over breakfast,
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我们早餐时从不说话，
因为战机会吞噬我们的声音。
04:48
because the warplanes
would swallow our voices.
would swallow our voices.
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真相：
04:50
Fact:
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我的祖父不愿背井离乡，
04:52
my grandfather didn't want to leave home,
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所以他在战区中死去。
04:54
so he died in a war zone.
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真相：
04:57
Fact:
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燃烧的荆棘里没有上帝
那只是一团火。
那只是一团火。
04:59
a burning bush without God is just a fire.
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我度量着我所知晓的事实
05:02
I measure the distance between what I know
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与麦克风上能安全说出的事实
之间的距离。
之间的距离。
05:04
and what is safe to say on a microphone.
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05:07
Do I talk about sorrow? Displacement?
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我要不要说出那些悲伤？
颠沛流离？
颠沛流离？
我要不要提起那些暴力？
05:10
Do I mention the violence,
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与你在电视上看到的
如何截然不同？
如何截然不同？
05:11
how it's never as simple
as what you see on TV,
as what you see on TV,
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在镜头开机之前
恐惧如何堆积成山？
恐惧如何堆积成山？
05:14
how there are weeks' worth of fear
before the camera is on?
before the camera is on?
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05:19
Do I tell her about our bodies,
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我要不要告诉她，我们的躯体，
60％是水，
05:22
how they are 60 percent water,
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但仍会像漂流木一样燃烧，
05:23
but we still burn like driftwood,
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做我们牺牲的燃料？
05:25
making fuel of our sacrifice?
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我要不要告诉她，男人先死，
而母亲们被逼目睹这杀戮？
而母亲们被逼目睹这杀戮？
05:27
Do I tell her the men died first,
mothers forced to watch the slaughter?
mothers forced to watch the slaughter?
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他们又瞄准我们的孩子，
05:31
That they came for our children,
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把他们散落在陆地各处，
直到我们的家园沦陷。
直到我们的家园沦陷。
05:33
scattering them across the continent
until our homes sank?
until our homes sank?
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连城堡也在炮火吞噬下倒塌？
05:36
That even castles sink
at the bite of the bomb?
at the bite of the bomb?
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05:41
Do I talk about the elderly,
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我要不要谈老人，
我们的英雄，
05:43
our heroes,
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体弱跑不动，射杀又太贵，
05:45
too weak to run, too expensive to shoot,
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就让他们排成队向前走，
05:47
how they would march them,
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双手举起，步枪顶着后背，
05:49
hands raised, rifles at their backs,
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走入烈火？
05:51
into the fire?
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他们的拐杖如何让火焰不灭？
05:52
How their walking sticks
kept the flames alive?
kept the flames alive?
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这些对于一捆电线以及
另一端的听众都太残酷。
另一端的听众都太残酷。
05:55
It feels too harsh for a bundle of wires
and an audience to swallow.
and an audience to swallow.
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太刺耳，太无情，
06:00
Too relentless,
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仿佛山谷间充满了
我们死亡带来的腐败气息。
我们死亡带来的腐败气息。
06:01
like the valley that filled
with the putrid smoke of our deaths.
with the putrid smoke of our deaths.
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放在诗句中是否好一些？
06:05
Is it better in verse?
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诗节可以作裹尸布吗？
06:08
Can a stanza become a burial shroud?
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如果我声音轻一点，
痛会不会少一点？
痛会不会少一点？
06:10
Will it sting less if I say it softly?
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如果我不哭，
你会更用心听吗？
你会更用心听吗？
06:12
If you don't see me cry,
will you listen better?
will you listen better?
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麦克风被拿走时，
痛苦也会离开吗？
痛苦也会离开吗？
06:15
Will the pain leave
when the microphone does?
when the microphone does?
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06:17
Why does every word feel
as if I'm saying my last?
as if I'm saying my last?
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为什么我的一字一句
都像临终遗言？
都像临终遗言？
06:22
Thirty seconds for the sound bite,
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三十秒的声音刺痛了你，
然后现在是三分钟的诗。
06:24
and now three minutes for the poem.
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06:27
My tongue goes dry the same way we died,
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我的口舌逐渐干涸，
与我们死亡的方式无异，
与我们死亡的方式无异，
从未变成煤炭，只烧成灰烬。
06:31
becoming ash, having never been coal.
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06:36
I feel my left leg go numb,
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我感到左腿麻木，
我发现自己锁住了双膝，
06:38
and I realize that I locked my knees,
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准备着抵挡冲击。
06:41
bracing for impact.
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我从不穿无法奔跑的鞋。
06:43
I never wear shoes I can't run in.
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06:48
Thank you.
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谢谢。
（掌声）
06:49
(Applause)
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但是，我想留下一个积极的故事，
06:56
So, I wanted to leave on a positive note,
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因为这是我人生的悖论：
07:01
because that's the paradox
that this life has been:
that this life has been:
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在我哭泣最多的地方，
07:04
in the places where I learned
to cry the most,
to cry the most,
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我也学会了如何在泪水过后微笑。
07:07
I also learned how to smile after.
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所以，开始了。
07:11
So, here goes.
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07:16
"You Have a Big Imagination
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“你有一个巨大的想象力，
或者
07:20
or
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40万种方式来哭泣。”
07:21
400,000 Ways to Cry."
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07:26
For [Zainab].
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致泽纳布。
07:28
I am a sad girl,
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我是一个悲伤的女孩，
07:31
but my face makes other plans,
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但我的脸上并没有悲伤，
我用尽全力保持这个微笑，
不让它浪费在痛苦里。
不让它浪费在痛苦里。
07:34
focusing energy on this smile,
so as not to waste it on pain.
so as not to waste it on pain.
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他们首先夺走我的睡眠，
07:38
The first thing they took was my sleep,
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我眼皮沉重但瞪着双眼，
07:41
eyes heavy but wide open,
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想着也许我错过了什么，
07:43
thinking maybe I missed something,
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也许骑兵还会来。
07:45
maybe the cavalry is still coming.
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他们没来，
07:48
They didn't come,
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所以我买了个更大的枕头。
07:49
so I bought bigger pillows.
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07:51
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
07:53
My grandmother could cure anything
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我的奶奶可以治愈一切，
她的话语让万物焕发生命。
07:57
by talking the life out of it.
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她说我可以在我们肆虐的战争中
07:59
And she said that I could make
a thief in a silo laugh
a thief in a silo laugh
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08:03
in the middle of our raging war.
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轻轻地笑一声。
战争让破裂的婚姻不再可悲。
08:05
War makes a broken marriage bed
out of sorrow.
out of sorrow.
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你只想消失，别无他求，
08:10
You want nothing more than to disappear,
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但你的心所剩无几
不够离去
不够离去
08:12
but your heart can't salvage
enough remnants to leave.
enough remnants to leave.
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但是快乐——
08:16
But joy --
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快乐是我们穿越破碎家园边界时
携带的盔甲。
携带的盔甲。
08:18
joy is the armor we carried across
the borders of our broken homeland.
the borders of our broken homeland.
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08:24
A hasty mix of stories and faces
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故事和面孔的匆匆混合，
在味道消失之后仍持续很久。
08:28
that lasts long after the flavor is gone.
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肌肉记忆甚至克服了
最苦涩的时刻，
最苦涩的时刻，
08:32
A muscle memory that overcomes
even the most bitter of times,
even the most bitter of times,
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我的肌肉记忆笑了好多天，
直到我开始哭，
直到我开始哭，
08:35
my memory is spotted with
days of laughing until I cried,
days of laughing until I cried,
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或者哭，直到到我开始笑。
08:40
or crying until I laughed.
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08:42
Laughter and tears are both
involuntary human reactions,
involuntary human reactions,
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笑和泪都是人类自然反应，
是我们表达能力的证明。
08:46
testaments to our capacity for expression.
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所以请允许我这样表达，
08:49
So allow me to express
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如果我逗你笑，
08:51
that if I make you laugh,
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那通常是故意的。
08:52
it's usually on purpose.
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如果我惹你哭，
08:55
And if I make you cry,
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我还是认为你很美。
08:56
I'll still think you are beautiful.
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这是写给我的表妹泽纳布的，
08:59
This is for my cousin Zainab,
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某个下午，她卧病在床。
09:02
bedridden on a random afternoon.
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自从上次在苏丹共处，
之后再没见过她，
之后再没见过她，
09:06
I hadn't seen her since the last time
we were in Sudan together,
we were in Sudan together,
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我来到她的病床前，
09:10
and there I was at her hospital bedside
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在法国一座四百年历史的建筑里。
09:14
in a 400-year-old building in France.
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09:19
Zainab wanted to hear poems.
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泽纳布想听诗。
09:22
Suddenly, English, Arabic
and French were not enough.
and French were not enough.
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突然间，英语、阿拉伯语和法语
都不够用了。
都不够用了。
我知道的每一个字都
变成了空洞的噪音，
变成了空洞的噪音，
09:26
Every word I knew became empty noise,
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而泽纳布说：“快，读吧。”
09:29
and Zainab said, "Well, get on with it."
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09:31
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
我把所有我会的
全都读给她听，
全都读给她听，
09:33
And I read her everything that I could,
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我们笑，
09:36
and we laughed,
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我们欢喜，
09:37
and we loved it,
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那是我曾经拥有的最重要的舞台，
09:38
and it was the most important stage
that I've ever stood on,
that I've ever stood on,
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被家人围绕，
09:42
surrounded by family,
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被经历无情争战之后
仍在努力发出生命之光的
仍在努力发出生命之光的
09:44
by remnants of a people who were given
as a dowry to a relentless war
as a dowry to a relentless war
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幸存的人们围绕；
09:49
but still managed
to make pearls of this life;
to make pearls of this life;
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被那些教我不仅要笑，
09:52
by the ones who taught me
to not only laugh,
to not only laugh,
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而且要直面死亡
而生存的人围绕；
而生存的人围绕；
09:56
but to live in the face of death;
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被那些用手比划天空
测量着太阳有多远，
测量着太阳有多远，
09:59
who placed their hands across the sky,
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10:01
measuring the distance to the sun
and saying, "Smile;
and saying, "Smile;
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说着：“微笑吧；
我会在天堂与你再见。”
我会在天堂与你再见。”
10:05
I'm gonna meet you there."
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的人们围绕。
而泽纳布——
10:07
And for Zainab --
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10:10
Zainab, who taught me love
in a place like France,
in a place like France,
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在法国这样的地方教我爱的泽纳布，
10:14
Zainab, who wanted to he.ar
poems on her deathbed --
poems on her deathbed --
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在临死之时想听诗的泽纳布——
10:20
Dilated fibromyalgia.
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她患有扩张纤维肌痛。
10:23
Her heart muscles expanded
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她的心脏肌肉扩张，
10:26
until they couldn't function.
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一直扩张到失去功能。
10:29
And she held me,
and she made me feel like gold.
and she made me feel like gold.
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她拥抱着我，
让我觉得自己是金子。
让我觉得自己是金子。
而我说：“泽纳布，
10:33
And I said, "Zainab,
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10:35
isn't it strange that your only problem
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你唯一的麻烦是，
你的心太大了，
你的心太大了，
10:39
is that your heart was too big?"
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这不奇怪吗？”
谢谢。
10:44
Thank you.
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（掌声）
10:45
(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Emtithal Mahmoud - PoetEmtithal "Emi" Mahmoud dedicates her time to spreading understanding through poetry and advocacy, particularly for the cause of refugees and disadvantaged communities the world over.
Why you should listen
Emtithal "Emi" Mahmoud is the reigning 2015 Individual World Poetry Slam Champion and 2016 Woman of the World Co-champion. One of BBC's 100 Most Inspirational Women of 2015, Mahmoud studied anthropology and molecular, cellular amd developmental biology at Yale University and is a Darfur native from the heart of Philadelphia.
A UNHCR High Profile Supporter, a Yale Global Health Fellow and Leonore Annenberg Scholar, Mahmoud dedicates her time to spreading understanding through poetry and advocacy, particularly for the cause of refugees and disadvantaged communities the world over. A closing speaker for Yale University's 2016 graduation ceremony, Mahmoud has part-taken in multiple White House round-table discussions, including a session with President Obama and has presented at multiple United Nations events, opening and closing for the Secretary General. In December 2016, she spoke at the Laureates and Leaders Summit in New Delhi and launched the 100 Million for 100 Million child advocacy campaign alongside the Dalai Lama, Indian President Pranab Mukherjee, Kailash Satyarthi and 14 other Nobel laureates and Leaders. A member of the Philanthropy Age "How to Do Good" speaking tour and a Hedgebrook writing fellow, Mahmoud has entered profound spaces across countless audiences -- spanning four continents in person and the entire international community digitally.
Emtithal Mahmoud | Speaker | TED.com