Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan: A queer vision of love and marriage
Tiq Milan et Kim Katrin Milan: Un amour qui nous laisse être nous-mêmes
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love. Full bioKim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
was on Facebook,
était sur Facebook et a duré trois jours.
that I knew she was going to be my wife.
que j'ai su qu'elle allait être ma femme.
amount of time for our courtship;
une certaine durée pour nous séduire ;
the vulnerable truths up front:
les vérités vulnérables :
certificate should have stood for "False,"
aurait dû signifer « faux »
dans mes chaussures.
pebbles in my shoes.
I took forward.
à ma propre intention ;
a cisgender queer woman.
une femme cisgenre queer.
I was assigned at birth
assigné à ma naissance
the many different ways
les nombreuses différences
restricted by gender
limitée par le sexe
de plusieurs façons --
of who I am and how I've loved.
de mon identité et ma façon d'aimer.
pas de fractions.
from the very beginning.
à sa séduction dès le début.
from institutions and traditions.
des institutions et des traditions.
hors des conventions,
to commit to each other
de nous engager l'un envers l'autre
of the "Golden Rule,"
de cette idée de la « règle d'or » :
the way we want to be treated.
comme nous voulons être traités.
the standard for other people,
être le standard des autres
the way they want to be treated,
comme ils veulent être traités,
of love that Tiq needed
que l'amour nécessaire à Tiq
about his fears, his insecurities --
ses peurs, ses insécurités --
kind of love I needed.
d'amour il me fallait.
of their love because I was trans.
son amour car j'étais transsexuel.
transgender people.
autour des transsexuels.
and often signed into law.
et le justifie.
from internalizing that message,
d'internaliser ce message :
épave au cœur brisé que j'étais.
of community work behind us,
de travail communautaire
of a family in front of us,
and a bit of an orphan,
une voyageuse et une orpheline,
the differences in our strengths
les différences de nos forces
but we don't live marginalized lives.
mais nos vies ne le sont pas.
new ways of existing.
c'est créer de nouvelles façons d'exister.
cruel et violent
too proud and too freeing.
trop fières ou trop libres.
was going to be my helper or my rib,
mon assistante ou ma côte
to reign in, control or critique.
contrôler ou critiquer la féminité.
et de ne jamais perdre l'empathie de vue.
sight of her empathy.
elle est mon héroïne.
about setting each other free.
été question de libérer l'autre.
qu'il avait à accomplir
une famille ensemble,
his mother's incredible legacy.
de l'incroyable héritage de sa mère.
were able to start from that place,
that was around figuring out
to grow into the people that we were
de devenir les gens que nous étions
maintenant et à l'avenir.
committed to each other
qui nous a engagés l'un envers l'autre
concern when I transitioned
ma mère s'inquiétait
tel que je suis.
precluded me from love and monogamy
de l'amour et la monogamie
born in the wrong body?
that has to be reframed
qui doit être recadré
binary thinking on gender
binaire du sexe
along the numb keloid scars
sur les cicatrices cheloïdes
all the way out to my outer torso.
du milieu de ma poitrine
reminders of my strength
des rappels de ma force
conventional trajectories
plus conventionnelles
to bless a union for folks like us,
bénir l'union de gens comme nous
supposed to recognize it.
after meeting online,
après notre rencontre en ligne,
of City Hall in Manhattan,
de la mairie à Manhattan
in every conceivable way.
sous tous les aspects possibles.
reimagined some traditions,
réimaginé certaines traditions,
that we worked in,
retravaillé des anciennes
that worked for us.
qui nous convenait.
with wildflowers from Brooklyn --
de fleurs sauvages de Brooklyn --
and sage to keep us grounded
pour que nous gardions les pieds sur terre
sister healer friend of ours.
par une amie guérisseuse.
are not my thing,
ce n'est pas mon truc.
avec mes pierres de naissance.
my father's bastard child,
l'enfant bâtard de mon père,
an apology, a secret, an imposition.
une excuse, un secret, une imposition.
who chose me first.
pour qui j'étais le premier choix.
and some close friends,
et à quelques amis proches,
as we took our vows.
incrédules lors de nos vœux.
photos on Facebook,
de mariage sur Facebook,
than just a union of two people,
que l'union de deux personnes
for the millions of LGBTQ folks
pour les millions de personnes LGBTQ
is antithetical to who they are --
sont contraires à qui ils sont --
who rarely get to see ourselves
qui nous voyons rarement
because of our identities,
du fait de nos identités
to be the people that we are.
d'être les gens que nous sommes.
receptive and shape-shifting.
réceptifs et changeons de forme.
source of, our strength.
une source incroyable.
of that strength.
poet Brandon Wint:
canadien Brandon Wint:
queer like escaping definition.
queer comme échappant à la définition.
and limitlessness all at once.
et d'absence de limitations.
too strange to be conquered.
trop bizarre pour être conquise.
to imagine what love can look like,
d'imaginer ce que peut être l'amour
à une communauté --
who are living their authentic selves
de gens vivant authentiquement
qui est omniprésente,
that always is present
qui est toujours présente
selon leurs conditions.
is murdered every 21 hours.
est tuée toutes les 21 heures.
trans murders on record this year
ont été enregistrés
than this rigid dichotomy
que cette dichotomie rigide
complexity on these margins,
sur ces marges
on these margins.
that we have literally never seen before;
que nous n'avons jamais vu ;
on love and not by blood,
de l'amour et non du sang,
have been shown ourselves.
que si peu d'entre nous ont connue.
love from our families --
reçu d'amour de notre famille --
that we trust most.
à qui nous faisions le plus confiance.
entirely new languages of love.
de nouveaux langages d'amour.
for us to be our authentic selves
pour être authentique
is supposed to be.
ou la féminité sont censées être.
in love and inclusion
à l'amour et l'inclusion
de changement révolutionnaire.
nos notions préconçues
gender, in their skin --
to unlearn these deep-seated biases
ces préjugés profondément ancrés
to be self-determined,
pour des gens auto-déterminés
world than the one we were born into.
que celui où nous sommes nés.
that we were here.
du fait que nous étions ici.
into our relationship
sur notre relation
to make maps to the future
établir des cartes pour l'avenir
other peoples' experience,
l'expérience des autres
complicate this idea
are supposed to be.
et le mariage sont censés être.
a mirror up to ourselves.
nous regarder dans le miroir.
always the best listener,
pas toujours à l'écoute
of our progress as a couple.
notre progrès en tant que couple.
these deep-seated, sexist ideas
sexistes profondément ancrées
of a woman's experience in the world.
de l'expérience d'une femme dans le monde.
to be in allyship with my wife.
d'être l'allié de ma femme.
of a lot of things, too.
beaucoup de choses :
we got into a massive fight.
nous avons eu une grosse dispute.
and our lived experiences --
et nos expériences vécues --
puts ourselves entirely on the line.
et comment nous aimons
over the course of two days --
a duré pendant deux jours --
together to each other,
to each other and to our marriage.
et envers notre mariage.
some of the most passionate parts
de certaines parties passionnées
with being a man don't define me,
d'être un homme ne me définissent pas
for how it shows up in my life every day.
de leurs manifestations quotidiennes.
to do all of the emotional labor
de faire le travail émotionnel
when I'd rather clam up and run away.
lorsque je préférerais les fermer et fuir.
instead of facing my own vulnerabilities,
de tout soutien émotionnel
à mes vulnérabilités,
miscarriage we suffered last year,
déchirante vécue l'année dernière,
we get to take the easy way out.
on s'en sort facilement.
is about reimagining masculinity.
est de ré-imaginer la masculinité,
that isn't measured
qui n'est pas mesurée
by the entitlements afforded to it,
par l'habilitation accordée
that it can muster,
pouvant être rassemblé,
for my femininity to flourish
pour que ma féminité fleurisse
jamais connue auparavant.
de m'habiller ou de me comporter.
of the cleaning than I do.
bien plus de ménage que moi.
to get out of the house
en vitesse de la maison
de me coiffer et me maquiller.
as though it is frivolous or superficial,
comme si c'était frivole ou superficiel,
of gender every single day.
du genre chaque jour.
get dressed in the morning.
s'habiller le matin.
and colorful, and tight,
de confortable, coloré, moulant
negotiate her decisions
chercher un compromis,
to get the least amount of attention,
qui n'attirera pas trop l'attention
of the vibrant and sexy woman she is.
de la femme dynamique et sexy qu'elle est.
her for her beauty,
c'est célébrer sa beauté
beautiful and special and free,
belle, spéciale et libre,
TM : Je t'aime.
and trans people
queers et transsexuels
ne seront jamais entendues.
this retelling of history
cette réécriture de l'histoire
ostensiblement laissés de côté.
to not see ourselves there.
is about that representation.
il est question de cette représentation.
les modèles de possibilité
of our inheritance in this world, too.
de notre héritage dans ce monde.
love and institutions.
de l'amour, des institutions.
of gender and sexuality,
du genre et de la sexualité,
is self-determined and not imposed,
est choisi et non imposé,
is a kaleidoscope of possibility
est un kaléidoscope de possibilités
masquerading as science or justice.
déguisées en science ou justice.
face au fanatisme
et un sourire sur le visage.
that exists in the world,
à l'injustice qui existe dans le monde
of people to really change.
en la capacité des gens à changer.
of faith and dedication.
than I ever thought possible --
que je le pensais possible --
speaking the same language.
que nous ne parlons pas la même langue.
to be married to this man;
d'être mariée à cet homme ;
the possibility of changing minds,
du changement des esprits,
where love belongs to us all.
où l'amour est pour tout le monde.
of self and a community,
de soi et d'une communauté
not to leave anyone behind.
de n'oublier personne.
throughout changes to gender
à travers des changements de genre
in our chat rooms,
dans nos espaces de discussions,
and in our community centers.
et nos centres communautaires.
each other for the long haul.
l'autre sur la durée.
ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activistAlready a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.
Why you should listen
Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic.
Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.
Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.
Why you should listen
A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.
Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world.
As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.
A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.
Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.
Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com