Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan: A queer vision of love and marriage
티크 밀란 & 킴 카트린 밀란(Tiq Milan & Kim Katrin Milan): 진정한 자신이 되게 하는 사랑
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love. Full bioKim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
was on Facebook,
페이스북에서 시작됐습니다.
that I knew she was going to be my wife.
아내가 될 것임을 알았죠.
amount of time for our courtship;
지체하지 않았어요.
the vulnerable truths up front:
숨김없이 모두 털어놓았습니다.
certificate should have stood for "False,"
F는 "거짓"이라 할 수 있죠.
pebbles in my shoes.
신고 다니는 기분이었어요.
내 안의 리듬을 깨뜨렸고
I took forward.
고통을 안겨줬어요.
제 스스로의 삶을 디자인하며
a cisgender queer woman.
시스젠더 퀴어 여성입니다.
I was assigned at birth
보통인건 아닙니다.
the many different ways
방법 중의 한가지로
나타내는 방법이죠.
restricted by gender
않는다는 뜻입니다.
of who I am and how I've loved.
제가 사랑하는 방식을 아우릅니다..
여러 면이 있습니다.
from the very beginning.
믿을 수 있었어요.
from institutions and traditions.
메세지 속에서
to commit to each other
있었다는 뜻입니다.
of the "Golden Rule,"
사람들한테서 듣죠
the way we want to be treated.
타인을 대접하라."
the standard for other people,
기준이 되어야 한다는 거죠.
the way they want to be treated,
싶은대로 해주어야 합니다.
of love that Tiq needed
추정할 수 없습니다.
about his fears, his insecurities --
그가 두려워 하는 것들, 약점들
kind of love I needed.
필요로한지 몰랐습니다.
천천히 사라져가듯
사라져가고 있음을 알게 되었고
of their love because I was trans.
사랑받을 가치조차 없다고 말했어요.
transgender people.
문화가 만들어졌습니다.
and often signed into law.
법으로 종종 제정되기도 했습니다.
from internalizing that message,
메세지를 아주 가까이
제가 이상형이라고 했습니다.
of community work behind us,
of a family in front of us,
한 가족의 커다란 꿈
너무나 다른 사람들입니다.
and a bit of an orphan,
평생을 여행하며 살았습니다.
차이점에 대해 자주 이야기하며
the differences in our strengths
소외된 삶을 살고 있지는 않아요.
but we don't live marginalized lives.
new ways of existing.
새로운 존재가치를 창조한다고 생각합니다.
그대로를 보는 것이지
원하는게 아닙니다.
자유로운 그런 여자들은
too proud and too freeing.
세상에 살고 있습니다.
was going to be my helper or my rib,
그 모임에 들어 가지 않았습니다.
to reign in, control or critique.
통치, 통제와 비판과는 거리가 멀었습니다.
sight of her empathy.
상대를 바라보는지 보여줬어요.
저의 영웅이 되었습니다.
about setting each other free.
자유롭게 하는 거예요.
도울 수 있는가였습니다.
살고 싶어 했어요.
his mother's incredible legacy.
합당한 삶을 살고 싶어 했어요.
were able to start from that place,
너무도 감사하게 생각했어요.
that was around figuring out
함께 무언가를 이루게 할까
to grow into the people that we were
우리와는 너무 많이 다른 사람들과
하였다고 생각합니다.
다가오는 미래도 물론이고요.
committed to each other
concern when I transitioned
제가 트랜스젠더가 되고
사랑해줄까 하는 것이었습니다.
precluded me from love and monogamy
정상적인 사랑을 받기 힘들다는게
born in the wrong body?
태어났기 때문일까요?
that has to be reframed
절 배신하지 않았고요.
binary thinking on gender
이분법적 사고로 보면
along the numb keloid scars
all the way out to my outer torso.
연결된 그 수술자국들은
reminders of my strength
이야기 하였습니다.
그녀에게 청혼하는 방법이
퀴어스러운 행동이었습니다.
conventional trajectories
to bless a union for folks like us,
직면할 수 밖에 없었습니다.
supposed to recognize it.
결코 잘못됐다고 이야기할 수 없었습니다.
after meeting online,
of City Hall in Manhattan,
in every conceivable way.
너무 아름다웠습니다.
reimagined some traditions,
창조했다고 생각합니다.
that we worked in,
that worked for us.
새문화를 창조하였습니다.
with wildflowers from Brooklyn --
브루클린의 야생화가 가득했습니다.
and sage to keep us grounded
우리를 편안하게 해주었고요.
sister healer friend of ours.
치유사 자매님께서 넣어주었습니다.
are not my thing,
원한 적이 없었습니다.
차크라의 색깔처럼
따를 필요는 없었습니다.
my father's bastard child,
항상 숨겨야 했지만
an apology, a secret, an imposition.
자유로워질 수 있었고
제 남자의 성을 사용한다는 것은
who chose me first.
자유로운 일이었습니다.
and some close friends,
아직도 많은 사람들이
as we took our vows.
계속해서 의심한다고 이야기했어요.
photos on Facebook,
만나게 해 주었던 페이스북에
뭔가를 깨달았는데
than just a union of two people,
두 사람의 결합이 아니라
for the millions of LGBTQ folks
가능성이라는 겁니다.
is antithetical to who they are --
정반대의 모습이라고요.
who rarely get to see ourselves
보지 않는 사람들이죠.
because of our identities,
소외당하고 있습니다.
to be the people that we are.
더욱 더 대담하게 만들어 줍니다.
receptive and shape-shifting.
그 형태를 바꿀 수 있기 때문이죠.
source of, our strength.
of that strength.
poet Brandon Wint:
시인 브랜든 위트의 말이 생각나네요.
queer like escaping definition.
퀴어는 규정을 벗어나는 것
and limitlessness all at once.
too strange to be conquered.
정복되지 않는 자유로움.
to imagine what love can look like,
바라보며 추구함에 있어서
한 공동체의 일부입니다.
who are living their authentic selves
진정한 자아를 소유한
that always is present
사람들입니다.
is murdered every 21 hours.
21시간에 1명씩 살해당합니다.
trans murders on record this year
많은 수의 트랜스젠더 살인 사건을
than this rigid dichotomy
힘과 회복의 까다로운 이분법
complexity on these margins,
인간의 다향성을 확대하고 있으며
on these margins.
that we have literally never seen before;
신세계를 창조하고 있습니다.
on love and not by blood,
사랑으로써 가족을 조직하고
have been shown ourselves.
연민에 의해 마음이 전해집니다.
love from our families --
사랑을 받지 못하였으며
that we trust most.
배신을 당하기도 했고요.
entirely new languages of love.
사랑의 언어는 만드는 겁니다.
for us to be our authentic selves
여유가 있는 언어입니다.
is supposed to be.
in love and inclusion
관심을 갖고 있습니다. 맞죠?
gender, in their skin --
피부색에 갖는 선입견이죠.
to unlearn these deep-seated biases
편견을 모두 던져버리고
to be self-determined,
의도적인 조치를 취한다면
world than the one we were born into.
더 나은 세상을 만들 것입니다.
이곳에 있었다는 사실을
that we were here.
into our relationship
우리의 관계를 공개합니다.
to make maps to the future
알고싶기 때문이에요.
other peoples' experience,
틀렸다고 단정하지 않습니다.
complicate this idea
되어야 하는지에 대한 생각을
are supposed to be.
이 모든 이야기를 통해서
가까워지지는 못했습니다.
a mirror up to ourselves.
다시 돌아봐야 했고요.
always the best listener,
귀 기울이지 않았다는 사실을 깨우쳤고
of our progress as a couple.
찾게 되었습니다.
these deep-seated, sexist ideas
경험을 바탕으로 깊숙히 있는
of a woman's experience in the world.
평가를 해야만 했습니다.
to be in allyship with my wife.
재평가를 해야만 했습니다.
of a lot of things, too.
생각해야했어요.
we got into a massive fight.
엄청나게 싸웠어요.
and our lived experiences --
살아온 경험들로부터
puts ourselves entirely on the line.
우리를 위태롭게 합니다.
over the course of two days --
계속 싸웠음에도 불구하고요.
together to each other,
서로에게 돌아올 수 있었어요.
to each other and to our marriage.
우리의 결혼생활에도요.
some of the most passionate parts
연구를 해야만 했지만
생각한 적이 없습니다.
대해서 연구를 했고요.
with being a man don't define me,
저를 정의하진 않지만
for how it shows up in my life every day.
방식에는 책임이 있습니다.
to do all of the emotional labor
일을 하도록 했습니다.
when I'd rather clam up and run away.
대화를 여는 시도를 하는 거죠.
instead of facing my own vulnerabilities,
제 감정지지대로부터 벗어나려고 노력했고
miscarriage we suffered last year,
가슴 아픈 유산에 대해서요.
we get to take the easy way out.
쉬운 길을 택할 수 있습니다.
is about reimagining masculinity.
남성다움을 재창조하는 것입니다.
that isn't measured
그것이 발휘하는 힘
by the entitlements afforded to it,
모방하는것에 의해
that it can muster,
모든 걸 발휘할 수도 있습니다.
여성다움 함께 이뤄나가며
for my femininity to flourish
만들어진 이 공간은
없는 공간이었습니다.
불편함을 느끼지 않아요.
절대 감시하려고 하지 않습니다.
of the cleaning than I do.
저보다 더 많은 청소를 해요.
to get out of the house
화장을 할 시간도 있고요.
당연하다 이해를 하며
as though it is frivolous or superficial,
피상적이라 생각하지 않습니다.
of gender every single day.
대한 경험치를 키워나갑니다.
get dressed in the morning.
모습을 보는 것을 너무 좋아합니다.
and colorful, and tight,
negotiate her decisions
뭔가를 찾기위해
to get the least amount of attention,
보는 건 힘듭니다.
of the vibrant and sexy woman she is.
여자라는 것을 표현하기도 합니다.
her for her beauty,
그녀의 아름다움
beautiful and special and free,
타협이 필요없는 흑인평등주의와
느껴지는 자유로움까지
축하해 주는 일입니다.
티크: 사랑해요
and trans people
this retelling of history
to not see ourselves there.
않는 것은 너무나 어렵고요.
is about that representation.
사는 것은 대표입니다.
of our inheritance in this world, too.
일부의 유산의 되기를 바라고 있어요.
이 모든 가능성들은
love and institutions.
모든 이미지를 바꿀 것입니다.
창조하고 있습니다.
of gender and sexuality,
다양성을 확장하고 있으며
is self-determined and not imposed,
그런 세상을 바라고 있고
is a kaleidoscope of possibility
열린 마음으로 바라보며
masquerading as science or justice.
가능성 속에서 살고 있습니다.
that exists in the world,
직면하는 것은 매우 어렵고
of people to really change.
계속해서 믿고 있지만
of faith and dedication.
노력이 뒤따라야 합니다.
양말더미가 넘쳐흐르고요.
than I ever thought possible --
스포츠는 더 따분하고요.
speaking the same language.
있다고 느낄 때 그래요.
to be married to this man;
the possibility of changing minds,
감사하지 않은 적이 없었고
않는 날이 없었으며
where love belongs to us all.
만들지 않은 적이 없어요.
약어를 만들었어요.
of self and a community,
not to leave anyone behind.
않았으면 하는 깊은 바람속에서
법을 배웠습니다.
throughout changes to gender
서로를 사랑할 것을 약속했습니다.
in our chat rooms,
바와 우리 지역센터에서요.
and in our community centers.
each other for the long haul.
서로를 사랑하는 법을 배웠습니다.
ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activistAlready a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.
Why you should listen
Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic.
Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.
Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.
Why you should listen
A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.
Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world.
As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.
A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.
Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.
Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com