Tiq Milan and Kim Katrin Milan: A queer vision of love and marriage
Tiq Milan och Kim Katrin Milan: En kärlek som låter oss vara oss själva
Already a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love. Full bioKim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
var på Facebook,
was on Facebook,
fram och tillbaka,
that I knew she was going to be my wife.
jag förstod att hon måste bli min fru.
amount of time for our courtship;
innan vi gifte oss;
the vulnerable truths up front:
för varandra direkt.
borde stått för "Konstigt",
certificate should have stood for "False,"
kändes som att gå med grus i skorna.
pebbles in my shoes.
I took forward.
a cisgender queer woman.
Jag är en cisperson och queer.
I was assigned at birth
jag ansågs tillhöra när jag föddes
och har alltid varit kvinna.
att beskriva de många sätt
the many different ways
restricted by gender
of who I am and how I've loved.
from the very beginning.
från första stund.
from institutions and traditions.
från sammanhang och traditioner.
utanför de konventionella,
to commit to each other
på ett helt unikt sätt.
of the "Golden Rule,"
om den "Gyllene regeln";
som vi själva vill bli behandlade.
the way we want to be treated.
att man själv är normen för andra,
the standard for other people,
som de vill bli behandlade,
the way they want to be treated,
of love that Tiq needed
att den kärlek som Tiq behövde
om hans rädslor, hans osäkerheter -
about his fears, his insecurities --
vilken slags kärlek jag behövde.
kind of love I needed.
of their love because I was trans.
för att jag var en transperson.
transgender people.
and often signed into law.
rättfärdigat och ofta stiftat lagar.
from internalizing that message,
of community work behind us,
of a family in front of us,
om en egen familj i framtiden.
and a bit of an orphan,
och är lite rotlös,
the differences in our strengths
i våra styrkor genom att säga:
att du aldrig blir tråkig."
but we don't live marginalized lives.
men vi lever inte marginaliserade liv.
new ways of existing.
att skapa nya sätt att existera,
eller för frigjorda.
too proud and too freeing.
was going to be my helper or my rib,
skulle hjälpa eller serva mig,
kontrollera eller kritisera.
to reign in, control or critique.
sight of her empathy.
about setting each other free.
att ge varandra frihet.
han hade kvar att uppfylla,
en familj tillsammans,
his mother's incredible legacy.
hans mammas otroliga livsgärning.
were able to start from that place,
att vi kunde börja med den inställningen,
that was around figuring out
to grow into the people that we were
att vi växte som personer
committed to each other
concern when I transitioned
när jag bytte kön
för den jag är.
precluded me from love and monogamy
på något vis hindra mig
var född i fel kropp?
born in the wrong body?
that has to be reframed
som måste stöpas om
att tänka binärt på kön
binary thinking on gender
along the numb keloid scars
hela vägen ut till sidan av överkroppen.
all the way out to my outer torso.
reminders of my strength
över min styrka
conventional trajectories
mot mer traditionella
to bless a union for folks like us,
för sådana som oss,
att lagen skulle godtaga dem.
supposed to recognize it.
after meeting online,
vi träffats första gången online,
of City Hall in Manhattan,
till City Hall på Manhattan,
in every conceivable way.
reimagined some traditions,
att vi gjorde om en del traditioner,
that we worked in,
som fortfarande passade in,
som fungerade för oss.
that worked for us.
with wildflowers from Brooklyn --
av vilda blommar från Brooklyn -
and sage to keep us grounded
för att hålla oss lugna
sister healer friend of ours.
som är medicinkvinna.
är inte min grej.
are not my thing,
my father's bastard child,
eftersom jag är min fars oäkting,
an apology, a secret, an imposition.
en hemlighet, en last.
who chose me first.
och några goda vänner,
and some close friends,
as we took our vows.
när vi avgav våra löften.
photos on Facebook,
våra bröllopsbilder på Facebook,
than just a union of two people,
om mer än oss två,
for the millions of LGBTQ folks
till de miljoner HBTQ-personer
är oetiskt för sådana som dem -
is antithetical to who they are --
who rarely get to see ourselves
because of our identities,
att vara de vi verkligen är.
to be the people that we are.
receptive and shape-shifting.
mottagliga och mångfacetterade.
en sådan otrolig källa till vår styrka.
source of, our strength.
of that strength.
poet Brandon Wint:
från Brandon Wint från Ottawa:
queer like escaping definition.
queer som i att inte låta sig definieras.
and limitlessness all at once.
och gränslöst på samma gång.
too strange to be conquered.
för konstig för att låta sig erövras.
to imagine what love can look like,
för att utforska hur kärlek kan se ut,
who are living their authentic selves
som lever precis som de är
that always is present
is murdered every 21 hours.
mördas en transperson var 21:a timme.
trans murders on record this year
than this rigid dichotomy
än ett motsatsförhållande
complexity on these margins,
för hur komplex människan kan vara
on these margins.
that we have literally never seen before;
som vi bokstavligt talat inte sett förut;
on love and not by blood,
snarare än blodsband,
have been shown ourselves.
som så få av oss själva fått.
kärlek i våra familjer,
love from our families --
that we trust most.
entirely new languages of love.
helt nya sätt att uttrycka kärlek;
for us to be our authentic selves
att vara som de är
och femininitet ska vara.
is supposed to be.
in love and inclusion
för revolutionerande förändring.
gender, in their skin --
to unlearn these deep-seated biases
mot att ta bort djupt rotade fördomar
to be self-determined,
att bli självsäkra
en bättre värld än den vi föddes i.
world than the one we were born into.
that we were here.
om att vi var här.
into our relationship
to make maps to the future
other peoples' experience,
att det andra gör är fel,
complicate this idea
are supposed to be.
a mirror up to ourselves.
och se oss själva i spegeln.
always the best listener,
var den bästa på att lyssna,
of our progress as a couple.
för vårt förhållandes utveckling.
these deep-seated, sexist ideas
mina djupt rotade sexistiska åsikter
of a woman's experience in the world.
ska ha ett bra liv.
vad det innebär att stå på min frus sida.
to be in allyship with my wife.
of a lot of things, too.
en massa saker, jag också.
we got into a massive fight.
hamnade vi i ett stort bråk.
and our lived experiences --
och våra olika livserfarenheter.
ställer oss i skottlinjen.
puts ourselves entirely on the line.
over the course of two days --
together to each other,
to each other and to our marriage.
och vårt äktenskap.
some of the most passionate parts
några av de mer passionerade delarna
with being a man don't define me,
de definierar inte mig,
för de uttryck de tar sig i mitt liv.
for how it shows up in my life every day.
to do all of the emotional labor
dra hela det känslomässiga lasset
eftersom jag hellre drog mig undan.
when I'd rather clam up and run away.
instead of facing my own vulnerabilities,
istället för att visa min egen sårbarhet,
miscarriage we suffered last year,
vi drabbades av förra året,
we get to take the easy way out.
slippa ta itu med jobbiga saker.
is about reimagining masculinity.
om att återuppfinna maskulinitet;
that isn't measured
som inte bygger på makten den för med sig,
by the entitlements afforded to it,
that it can muster,
for my femininity to flourish
där min femininitet kunnat blomstra
av min sexualitet,
vad jag har på mig
of the cleaning than I do.
mycket mer än jag.
to get out of the house
att fixa håret och sminka mig.
as though it is frivolous or superficial,
som något oseriöst eller ytligt.
att bli bättre för varje dag.
of gender every single day.
get dressed in the morning.
när hon klär på sig på morgonen.
och färgglatt och tajt
and colorful, and tight,
negotiate her decisions
förhandla med sig själv
to get the least amount of attention,
uppmärksamhet till sig som möjligt
den färgstarka och sexiga kvinna hon är.
of the vibrant and sexy woman she is.
her for her beauty,
än att hylla hennes skönhet
och speciell och fri;
beautiful and special and free,
svarta feminism.
TM: Och jag älskar dig.
and trans people
och transpersoner här före oss
this retelling of history
återberättad för oss,
to not see ourselves there.
att inte finnas med där.
is about that representation.
en plats i historien.
of our inheritance in this world, too.
är del av även vårt arv i världen.
love and institutions.
kärlek och förhållanden.
of gender and sexuality,
för kön och sexualitet,
is self-determined and not imposed,
och inte blir pådyvlad,
is a kaleidoscope of possibility
är ett kalejdoskop av möjligheter
masquerading as science or justice.
naturvetenskap eller lagar.
den orättvisa som finns i världen
that exists in the world,
of people to really change.
att människor kan och vill ändra sig.
of faith and dedication.
och hängivenhet.
than I ever thought possible --
än jag någonsin kunnat tro fanns -
speaking the same language.
vi inte talar samma språk.
to be married to this man;
att vara gift med denne man,
the possibility of changing minds,
för möjligheten att ändra på åsikter,
where love belongs to us all.
där kärlek finns för alla.
av läggningar och grupper,
of self and a community,
om att inte lämna någon utanför.
not to leave anyone behind.
genom könskorrigeringar
throughout changes to gender
in our chat rooms,
and in our community centers.
och i samlingslokaler.
each other for the long haul.
ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Tiq Milan - Transgender activistAlready a tireless advocate for positive and honest portrayals of LGBTQ people in media, Tiq Milan now evangelizes for the unifying power of love.
Why you should listen
Tiq Milan speaks and writes about intersectional leadership, transgender rights and racial justice. He shares stories of his life and how his transgender experience has informed his views on masculinity, race and the gender binary. A journalist for over a decade, his work has appeared on MIC, Buzzfeed, NBC and CNN. He is also a strategic media consultant, helping organizations and companies create detailed media campaigns that engage diverse audiences in ways that are inclusive and authentic.
Tiq has been most inspired by his years mentoring LGBT youth at the Bronx Community Pride Center and the Hetrick Martin Institute in the New York City. He was able to witness first hand the intersectional lived experiences of gay and trans youth and how it's affected by social systems put in place to help them. He most recently was the senior media strategist and national spokesperson for GLAAD, where he utlilized the media to call attention to the needs of the LGBT community, particularly transgender people of color.
Tiq is currently the co-Founder of Milan Media Arts Productions (MAPS) along with his wife, Kim Katrin Milan. MAPS is a content creation and consulting firm that is dedicated to creating narratives of queer people and their allies. View his published work, features and appearances here.
Tiq Milan | Speaker | TED.com
Kim Katrin Milan - Writer, educator, artist
Through her art and writing, Kim Katrin Milan advocates for queer, trans and feminist issues. Now she’s using her own love story to help bridge communities.
Why you should listen
A daughter of the diaspora -- Afro-Caribbean, Venezuelan Arawak, Indian and Scottish, hailing from Trinidad and living between Toronto and New York -- Kim Katrin Milan is an acclaimed educator, writer and artist.
Kim is the co-founder and Executive Director of The People Project, an initiative to bring forth local and international community development for queer and trans folks of color and their allies through alternative education, art-activism and collaboration. She is also one of the owners of the Glad Day Book Shop, the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world.
As an educator, Kim travels around the world talking to people about justice, equity and human rights. She is dedicated to inclusivity and invested in arousing a sense of curiosity and empathy in her audience. She uniquely weaves together the historical context, statistical analysis, as well as current events.
A public researcher, consultant and human rights educator, Kim has shared hundreds of unique resources and presentations around intersectional issues including race, ability and gender. As a social entrepreneur, she speaks to the opportunities and challenges for women in business and leadership roles. With great openness, she welcomes difficult conversations hosting community dialogues and sharing practical strategies around sexuality and consent, queer and trans allyship. and anti-racism and equity.
Since 2012, Kim has spoken at universities including Princeton, Dartmouth, McGill and Mount Allison. She has opened for cultural scholar Cornel West at UC Davis, delivered the keynote address at HBCU's Morehouse and Spelman's first Pride, and she was a panelist at Amber Rose's first SlutWalk. She has hosted events for the United Nations, acted as the Grand Marshall for Hudson, NY Pride and hosted an session at Dreamforce 2016.
Kim has contributed to Cosmopolitan, MTV, NBC, Larry King Now, Buzzfeed and the CBC, both independently and alongside her husband Tiq Milan. She regularly contributes to TeleSUR English, the Central American news network.
Kim Katrin Milan | Speaker | TED.com