TEDWomen 2015
Lee Mokobe: A powerful poem about what it feels like to be transgender
Li Mokobe (Lee Mokobe): Snažna pesma o tome kakav je osećaj biti transseksualac
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"Bio sam misterija anatomije, pitanje postavljeno, ali neodgovoreno", kaže pesnik Li Mekobe, učesnik TED Fellows programa, u ovom opčinjavajućem i poetskom istraživanju identiteta i prelaza. Ovo je duboko misaon osvrt na tela i značenja koja vezujemo za njih.
Lee Mokobe - Poet
Lee Mokobe is a 20-year-old South African slam poet and co-founder of Vocal Revolutionaries. Full bio
Lee Mokobe is a 20-year-old South African slam poet and co-founder of Vocal Revolutionaries. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
The first time I uttered a prayer
was in a glass-stained cathedral.
was in a glass-stained cathedral.
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Prvi put sam izrekao molitvu
u katedrali s vitražnim staklima.
u katedrali s vitražnim staklima.
00:18
I was kneeling long after
the congregation was on its feet,
the congregation was on its feet,
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Klečao sam još dugo nakon
što je sva pastva bila na nogama,
što je sva pastva bila na nogama,
00:21
dip both hands into holy water,
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umočio obe ruke u svetu vodicu,
00:23
trace the trinity across my chest,
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iscrtao Sveto Trojstvo preko grudi,
00:25
my tiny body drooping
like a question mark
like a question mark
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dok se moje sićušno telo
poginjalo poput upitnika
poginjalo poput upitnika
00:28
all over the wooden pew.
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po čitavoj drvenoj klupi.
00:30
I asked Jesus to fix me,
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Tražio sam od Isusa da ozdravim
00:33
and when he did not answer
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i kako mi nije odgovarao,
sprijateljio sam se s tišinom
u nadi da će moj greh sagoreti
u nadi da će moj greh sagoreti
00:35
I befriended silence in the hopes
that my sin would burn
that my sin would burn
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00:38
and salve my mouth
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i tako miropomazati moja usta,
00:39
would dissolve like sugar on tongue,
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da će se istopiti kao šećer na jeziku,
00:41
but shame lingered as an aftertaste.
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no sram je ostajao poput zadaha.
00:43
And in an attempt
to reintroduce me to sanctity,
to reintroduce me to sanctity,
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Pokušavajući da me vrati
na put pobožnosti,
na put pobožnosti,
00:46
my mother told me of the miracle I was,
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majka mi je govorila
o tome koliko sam čudo,
o tome koliko sam čudo,
00:49
said I could grow up
to be anything I want.
to be anything I want.
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rekla je da mogu da budem
šta god poželim kad porastem.
šta god poželim kad porastem.
00:52
I decided to
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Odlučio sam
00:55
be a boy.
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da budem dečak.
00:56
It was cute.
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Bilo je simpatično.
00:57
I had snapback, toothless grin,
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Hitar oporavak, bezubi osmeh,
00:59
used skinned knees as street cred,
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i oguljena kolena za ulični ugled,
igrao sam se žmurke sa onim
što je preostalo od mog sna.
što je preostalo od mog sna.
01:00
played hide and seek with
what was left of my goal.
what was left of my goal.
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01:03
I was it.
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Uspeo sam.
01:04
The winner to a game
the other kids couldn't play,
the other kids couldn't play,
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Pobednik u igri koju druga deca
ne mogu da igraju,
ne mogu da igraju,
01:06
I was the mystery of an anatomy,
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misterija anatomije,
01:08
a question asked but not answered,
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pitanje postavljeno, ali neodgovoreno,
01:10
tightroping between awkward boy
and apologetic girl,
and apologetic girl,
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hodao sam na konopcu
od dečaka čudaka do pomirljive devojke,
od dečaka čudaka do pomirljive devojke,
01:14
and when I turned 12, the boy phase
wasn't deemed cute anymore.
wasn't deemed cute anymore.
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a kada sam napunio 12, dečačka faza
im se više nije činila simpatičnom.
im se više nije činila simpatičnom.
01:19
It was met with nostalgic aunts who missed
seeing my knees in the shadow of skirts,
seeing my knees in the shadow of skirts,
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Sudarala se s nostalgijom mojih tetki
kojima su falila moja kolena u seni suknji
kojima su falila moja kolena u seni suknji
01:25
who reminded me that my kind of attitude
would never bring a husband home,
would never bring a husband home,
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koje su me podsećale da ovakvim ponašanjem
nikada neću dovesti muža u kuću,
nikada neću dovesti muža u kuću,
01:29
that I exist for heterosexual marriage
and child-bearing.
and child-bearing.
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da sam stvoren za heteroseksualni brak
i da decu rađam.
i da decu rađam.
01:33
And I swallowed their insults
along with their slurs.
along with their slurs.
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A ja sam gutao njihove uvrede
kao i nipodaštavanja.
kao i nipodaštavanja.
01:36
Naturally, I did not
come out of the closet.
come out of the closet.
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Naravno da nisam izašao iz ormana.
01:39
The kids at my school opened it
without my permission.
without my permission.
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Deca iz škole su ga otvorila
bez moje dozvole.
bez moje dozvole.
01:42
Called me by a name I did not recognize,
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Zvali su me nepoznatim imenom,
01:44
said "lesbian,"
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govorili su "lezbejka",
01:46
but I was more boy than girl,
more Ken than Barbie.
more Ken than Barbie.
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a ja sam pre bio dečak nego devojka,
pre Ken no Barbi.
pre Ken no Barbi.
01:48
It had nothing to do with hating my body,
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Nisam uopšte mrzeo svoje telo,
01:50
I just love it enough to let it go,
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samo sam ga voleo
dovoljno da ga oslobodim,
dovoljno da ga oslobodim,
01:53
I treat it like a house,
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tretirao ga kao kuću,
01:54
and when your house is falling apart,
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a kada vam se kuća raspada,
01:56
you do not evacuate,
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ne bežite iz nje,
01:57
you make it comfortable enough
to house all your insides,
to house all your insides,
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učinite je dovoljno udobnom
da udomite sve svoje iznutrice,
da udomite sve svoje iznutrice,
02:01
you make it pretty enough
to invite guests over,
to invite guests over,
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ulepšate je dovoljno
da pozovete goste da svrate,
da pozovete goste da svrate,
02:03
you make the floorboards
strong enough to stand on.
strong enough to stand on.
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učinite parket dovoljno čvrstim
da možete stajati na njemu.
da možete stajati na njemu.
02:07
My mother fears I have named
myself after fading things.
myself after fading things.
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Moja majka strahuje
da sam se nazvao po stvarima koje blede.
da sam se nazvao po stvarima koje blede.
02:12
As she counts the echoes
left behind by Mya Hall,
left behind by Mya Hall,
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Dok nabraja ehoe
koje su za sobom ostavili Maja Hol,
koje su za sobom ostavili Maja Hol,
02:15
Leelah Alcorn, Blake Brockington.
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Lila Alkorn, Blejk Brokington.
02:18
She fears that I'll die without a whisper,
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Strepi da ću nečujno da umrem,
da ću postati "kakva šteta"
u razgovorima na autobuskim stajalištima.
u razgovorima na autobuskim stajalištima.
02:20
that I'll turn into "what a shame"
conversations at the bus stop.
conversations at the bus stop.
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02:23
She claims I have turned myself
into a mausoleum,
into a mausoleum,
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Tvrdi da sam se pretvorio u mauzolej,
02:26
that I am a walking casket,
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da sam hodajući kovčeg,
02:28
news headlines have turned
my identity into a spectacle,
my identity into a spectacle,
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naslovi u vestima su pretvorili
moj identitet u spektakl,
moj identitet u spektakl,
02:31
Bruce Jenner on everyone's lips
while the brutality of living in this body
while the brutality of living in this body
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Brus Džener je na svačijim usnama,
dok užasi života u ovom telu
dok užasi života u ovom telu
02:34
becomes an asterisk
at the bottom of equality pages.
at the bottom of equality pages.
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ne postanu fusnota
na kraju stranice o jednakosti.
na kraju stranice o jednakosti.
02:38
No one ever thinks of us as human
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Niko nas ne vidi kao ljudska bića
02:41
because we are more ghost than flesh,
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jer smo pre duhovi nego tela,
02:43
because people fear that
my gender expression is a trick,
my gender expression is a trick,
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jer se ljudi plaše da je
moje ispoljavanje pola trik,
moje ispoljavanje pola trik,
02:46
that it exists to be perverse,
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da postoji radi izopačenosti,
02:48
that it ensnares them
without their consent,
without their consent,
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da ih na silu hvata u zamku,
02:50
that my body is a feast
for their eyes and hands
for their eyes and hands
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da je moje telo gozba
za njihove oči i ruke
za njihove oči i ruke
02:53
and once they have fed off my queer,
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i jednom kad se nagoste moje nastranosti,
02:55
they'll regurgitate all the parts
they did not like.
they did not like.
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ispovraćaće sve delove
koji im se ne sviđaju.
koji im se ne sviđaju.
02:58
They'll put me back into the closet,
hang me with all the other skeletons.
hang me with all the other skeletons.
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Odložiće me opet u orman,
obesiće me s drugim kosturima.
obesiće me s drugim kosturima.
03:02
I will be the best attraction.
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Biću najbolja atrakcija.
03:05
Can you see how easy it is
to talk people into coffins,
to talk people into coffins,
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Zar ne vidite kako je lako
rečima sahraniti ljude,
rečima sahraniti ljude,
03:08
to misspell their names on gravestones.
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pogrešno napisati njihova
imena na nadgrobnim pločama.
imena na nadgrobnim pločama.
03:10
And people still wonder why
there are boys rotting,
there are boys rotting,
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A ljudi se i dalje pitaju
zašto neki dečaci trunu,
zašto neki dečaci trunu,
03:13
they go away
in high school hallways
in high school hallways
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nestaju u srednjoškolskim hodnicima,
03:15
they are afraid of becoming another
hashtag in a second
hashtag in a second
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strepe da će postati
još jedan haštag u trenu,
još jedan haštag u trenu,
03:18
afraid of classroom discussions
becoming like judgment day
becoming like judgment day
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strepe od rasprava u učionicama
koje se preokreću u sudnji dan
koje se preokreću u sudnji dan
03:22
and now oncoming traffic is embracing
more transgender children than parents.
more transgender children than parents.
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i sada nove struje prigrljavaju
transeksualnu decu pre roditelja.
transeksualnu decu pre roditelja.
03:29
I wonder how long it will be
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Pitam se koliko će biti potrebno
03:30
before the trans suicide notes
start to feel redundant,
start to feel redundant,
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da oproštajne poruke transeksualaca
postanu suvišne,
postanu suvišne,
03:34
before we realize that our bodies
become lessons about sin
become lessons about sin
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pre nego što shvatimo da naša tela
prvo postaju lekcije o grehu,
prvo postaju lekcije o grehu,
03:38
way before we learn how to love them.
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mnogo pre nego što naučimo da ih volimo.
03:40
Like God didn't save
all this breath and mercy,
all this breath and mercy,
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Kao da Gospod nije izbavio
sav ovaj dah života i milost,
sav ovaj dah života i milost,
03:44
like my blood is not the wine
that washed over Jesus' feet.
that washed over Jesus' feet.
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kao da moja krv nije vino
koje je sapralo Isusova stopala.
koje je sapralo Isusova stopala.
03:47
My prayers are now
getting stuck in my throat.
getting stuck in my throat.
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Molitve mi sad zapinju u grlu.
03:52
Maybe I am finally fixed,
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Možda sam konačno ozdravio,
03:55
maybe I just don't care,
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možda prosto ne marim,
03:57
maybe God finally listened to my prayers.
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možda je Gospod konačno
moje molitve uslišio.
moje molitve uslišio.
04:02
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
04:03
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Lee Mokobe - PoetLee Mokobe is a 20-year-old South African slam poet and co-founder of Vocal Revolutionaries.
Why you should listen
The volunteer-run organization empowers youth in South Africa to fid their voice through poetry and art, offering free workshops, motivational talks, seasonal slams, national/local performances and mentoring. In his own poetry, Mokobe tackles tough social justice and LGBTQ issues. He has performed across three continents and was the youngest and first African coach at the Brave New Voices Festival, which he won in 2015.
Lee Mokobe | Speaker | TED.com