TEDxToronto
Sarah Barmak: The uncomplicated truth about women's sexuality
莎拉·巴尔马克: 关于女性性行为的简单事实
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女性的性行为真的比男性更复杂吗?答案是否定的，作家莎拉·巴尔马克说。在一场令人大开眼界的演讲中，她展示了对女性身体的理解缺陷如何塑造了我们几个世纪以来的文化，揭穿了一些古老的神话，并提供了一个更丰富的愉悦的定义，更接近(实际)女性性欲的真相。
Sarah Barmak - Journalist
Sarah Barmak teaches journalism and writes about women's health and sexuality, gender and sexual consent. Full bio
Sarah Barmak teaches journalism and writes about women's health and sexuality, gender and sexual consent. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
In our culture we tend to see sex
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在我们的文化中，我们常常视性爱
00:15
as something that's more important
to men than it is to women.
to men than it is to women.
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为一种对男性远比女性重要的东西。
00:19
But that's not true.
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但这个不是事实。
00:21
What is true is that women often feel
more shame in talking about it.
more shame in talking about it.
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事实是女性在谈论性时常感觉更加羞耻。
00:26
Over half of women quietly suffer
from some kind of sexual dysfunction.
from some kind of sexual dysfunction.
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超过一半的女性默默地遭受着
某种性功能障碍的折磨。
某种性功能障碍的折磨。
00:31
We've been hearing
more about the orgasm gap.
more about the orgasm gap.
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我们已经听到了更多关于
性高潮差距的信息。
性高潮差距的信息。
00:35
It's kind of like the wage gap
but stickier ...
but stickier ...
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这有点像工资差距，但更微妙……
00:38
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
00:42
Straight women tend to reach climax
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异性恋女性能够达到
00:44
less than 60 percent
of the time they have sex.
of the time they have sex.
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性高潮的次数不到60%。
00:48
Men reach climax 90 percent
of the time they have sex.
of the time they have sex.
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男性能在90%的性生活中达到高潮。
00:53
To address these issues,
women have been sold flawed medication,
women have been sold flawed medication,
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为了解决这些问题，女性一直
被出售破绽百出的药物，
被出售破绽百出的药物，
00:57
testosterone creams ...
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睾丸激素霜…
00:59
even untested genital injections.
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甚至未经测试的生殖器注射物。
01:04
The thing is, female sexuality
can't be fixed with a pill.
can't be fixed with a pill.
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问题在于，女性性欲不是
靠药片就能解决的。
靠药片就能解决的。
01:09
That's because it's not broken:
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因为它没有坏：
01:12
it's misunderstood.
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它只是被误解了。
01:14
Our culture has had a skewed
and medically incorrect picture
and medically incorrect picture
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几个世纪以来，我们的文化对女性的性欲
01:19
of female sexuality
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有一种扭曲和医学上
01:21
going back centuries.
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不正确的描述。
01:23
If over half of women
have some kind of sexual problem,
have some kind of sexual problem,
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如果超过一半的女性
有某种程度的性问题，
有某种程度的性问题，
01:28
maybe our idea of sexuality
doesn't work for women.
doesn't work for women.
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也许我们对性欲的观点对女性无效。
01:33
We need a clearer understanding
of how women actually work.
of how women actually work.
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我们需要对女性的工作机理
有一个更清楚的了解。
有一个更清楚的了解。
01:38
I'm a journalist,
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我是个记者，
01:40
and I recently wrote a book
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我最近写了一本书，
01:41
about how our understanding
of female sexuality is evolving.
of female sexuality is evolving.
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关于我们对女性性欲理解的演变史。
01:46
So sexuality itself was defined
back when men dominated science.
back when men dominated science.
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性欲在男性主导科学的时代就被定义了。
01:53
Male scientists
tended to see the female body
tended to see the female body
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男性科学家倾向于通过他们的有色眼镜
01:55
through their own skewed lens.
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看女性身体。
01:57
They could've just asked women
about their experience.
about their experience.
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他们本可以问女性她们的体验。
02:01
Instead they probed the female body
like it was a foreign landscape.
like it was a foreign landscape.
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相反，他们像看异域风景
一样探索女性的身体。
一样探索女性的身体。
02:07
Even today we debate the existence
of female ejaculation and the G-spot
of female ejaculation and the G-spot
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直到今天，我们还在争论女性射精
和G点的存在，
和G点的存在，
02:13
like we're talking about aliens or UFOs.
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就像我们在讨论外星人或者UFOs一样。
02:17
"Are they really out there?"
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“它们真的存在吗？”
02:19
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:22
All this goes double for LGBTQI
women's sexuality,
women's sexuality,
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所有这些对于LGBTQI女性
的性欲来说则是加倍的，
的性欲来说则是加倍的，
02:25
which has been hated
and erased in specific ways.
and erased in specific ways.
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它被以特定的方式憎恨和抹去。
02:30
Ignorance about the female body
goes back centuries.
goes back centuries.
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对女性身体的愚昧无知
可以追溯到几个世纪前。
可以追溯到几个世纪前。
02:34
It goes back to the beginning
of modern medicine.
of modern medicine.
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可以追溯到现代医学的开端。
02:37
Cast your mind back to the 16th century,
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请你回想一下16世纪，
02:40
a time of scientific revolution in Europe.
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欧洲科学革命的时代。
02:44
Men of ideas were challenging old dogmas.
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有思想的人正在挑战旧教条。
02:48
They were building telescopes
to gaze up at the stars.
to gaze up at the stars.
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他们正在制造望远镜去仰望星空。
02:52
We were making progress ...
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我们在取得进步…
02:55
sometimes.
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有时候。
02:56
You see, the fathers of anatomy --
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你看，解剖学之父——
02:59
and I say "fathers" because,
let's face it, they were all dudes --
let's face it, they were all dudes --
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我说“之父”是因为，
他们都是男人——
他们都是男人——
03:03
were poking about between women's legs
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在女人的两腿之间胡乱刺探
03:06
and trying to classify what they saw.
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试图对他们看到的东西分类。
03:09
They weren't quite sure
what to do with the clitoris.
what to do with the clitoris.
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他们不太确定如何处理阴蒂。
03:14
It didn't appear to have
anything to do with making babies.
anything to do with making babies.
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看起来跟生小孩没有什么关系。
03:19
The leading anatomist at the time declared
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当时著名的解剖学家宣称，
03:21
that it was probably
some kind of abnormal growth --
some kind of abnormal growth --
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这可能是某种不正常的生长——
03:25
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
03:26
and that any woman who had one
was probably a hermaphrodite.
was probably a hermaphrodite.
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而任何有它的女性都可能是雌雄同体。
03:31
It got so bad that parents would sometimes
have their daughter's clitoris cut off
have their daughter's clitoris cut off
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情况变得如此糟糕，以至于父母
有时会因为觉得女儿的阴蒂太大
有时会因为觉得女儿的阴蒂太大
03:37
if it was deemed too large.
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而切断她的阴蒂。
03:39
That's right.
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是的。
03:40
Something we think of today
as female genital mutilation
as female genital mutilation
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我们今天所说的女性生殖器切割，
03:44
was practiced in the West
as late as the 20th century.
as late as the 20th century.
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在20世纪仍在西方盛行。
03:49
You have to wonder:
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你不得不好奇：
03:51
if they were that confused
about women's bodies,
about women's bodies,
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如果他们对女性的身体感到困惑的话，
03:54
why didn't they just ask women
for a little help?
for a little help?
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为什么不问女性寻找点帮助。
03:58
But you must be thinking,
"All that was history.
"All that was history.
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但你一定在想，那都是过去的事情了。
04:02
It's a different world now.
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现在是个不同的世界。
04:04
Women have everything.
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女性拥有一切。
04:06
They have the birth control pill,
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她们有避孕药，
04:08
they have sexting
and Tinder and vajazzling."
and Tinder and vajazzling."
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她们有色情短信，Tinder约会软件
和vajazzling。
和vajazzling。
04:12
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:15
Things must be better now.
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现在事情一定变好了。
04:18
But medical ignorance
of the female body continues.
of the female body continues.
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但医学上对女性身体的无知
仍在继续。
仍在继续。
04:25
How many of you recognize this?
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你们有多少人认得这个？
04:28
It's the full structure of the clitoris.
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它是阴蒂的完整结构。
04:32
We think of the clitoris
as this little pea-sized nub,
as this little pea-sized nub,
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我们认为阴蒂是一个豌豆大小的小核，
04:35
but actually it extends
deep into the body.
deep into the body.
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但实际上它延伸至身体深处。
04:38
Most of it lies under the skin.
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大部分都在皮肤下面。
04:40
It contains almost as much
erectile tissue as the penis.
erectile tissue as the penis.
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它包含的勃起组织几乎和阴茎一样多。
04:46
It's beautiful, isn't it?
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这很漂亮，不是吗？
04:48
It looks a little like a swan.
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它看起来有点像一只天鹅。
04:49
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:51
This sculpture is by an artist
named Sophia Wallace
named Sophia Wallace
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这个雕塑是由一位名叫
索菲亚·华莱士的艺术家
索菲亚·华莱士的艺术家
04:55
as part of her "Cliteracy" project.
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作为她的“阴蒂”项目的一部分创作的。
04:58
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:59
She believes we need more "cliteracy,"
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她认为我们需要更多的“阴蒂”，
05:01
and it's true, considering
that this structure
that this structure
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这是真的，考虑到这个结构
05:04
was only fully 3-D mapped
by researchers in 2009.
by researchers in 2009.
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在2009年才被研究者完整地
三维绘制出来。
三维绘制出来。
05:11
That was after we finished mapping
the entire human genome.
the entire human genome.
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这还是在我们完成
整个人类基因组绘制之后。
整个人类基因组绘制之后。
05:15
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
05:20
This ignorance has real-life consequences.
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这种无知会对现实生活
产生实际影响。
产生实际影响。
05:23
In a medical journal in 2005,
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在2005年的一本医疗杂志上，
05:26
Dr. Helen O'Connell, a urologist,
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海伦·奥康奈尔博士，
泌尿系统科学家，
泌尿系统科学家，
05:28
warned her colleagues that this structure
was still nowhere to be found
was still nowhere to be found
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她警告她的同行，这种结构
甚至还没有出现在
甚至还没有出现在
05:33
in basic medical journals --
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基础医学期刊——
05:35
textbooks like "Gray's Anatomy."
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如《格雷的解剖》这样的教科书上。
05:39
This could have serious
consequences for surgery.
consequences for surgery.
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这可能会对外科手术造成严重的后果。
05:43
Take this in.
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考虑下这个。
05:45
Gentlemen:
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绅士们：
05:46
imagine if you were at risk
of losing your penis
of losing your penis
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想象一下假如你有失去阴茎的风险，
05:50
because doctors weren't
totally sure where it was
totally sure where it was
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因为医生不完全清楚它在哪里
05:54
or what it looked like.
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长什么样。
05:57
Unsurprisingly,
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不令人惊讶的是，
05:59
many women aren't too clear
on their own genital anatomy either.
on their own genital anatomy either.
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许多女性对自己的生殖器解剖
也不是很清楚。
也不是很清楚。
你实在不能责怪她们。
06:03
You can't really blame them.
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06:04
The clitoris is often missing
from many sex-ed diagrams, too.
from many sex-ed diagrams, too.
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阴蒂在许多性教育图表中也经常缺失。
06:10
Women can sense that their culture
views their bodies with confusion at best,
views their bodies with confusion at best,
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女性能感觉到，她们的文化对自己的
身体的看法，往好里说是困惑，
身体的看法，往好里说是困惑，
06:16
outright disdain and disgust at worst.
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往坏里说是完全的蔑视和厌恶。
06:19
Many women still view their own genitals
as dirty or inadequate.
as dirty or inadequate.
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许多女性仍然认为自己的
生殖器肮脏或不合适。
生殖器肮脏或不合适。
06:24
They're increasingly
comparing their vulvas
comparing their vulvas
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她们越来越多地将自己的阴唇
06:27
with the neat and tiny ones
they see in pornography.
they see in pornography.
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与色情片中干净小巧的阴蒂进行比较。
06:32
It's one reason why labiaplasty
is becoming a skyrocketing business
is becoming a skyrocketing business
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这也是阴唇整形正成为
女人和青春期少女整形中一项
女人和青春期少女整形中一项
06:37
among women and teen girls.
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飞速发展的业务的原因之一。
06:41
Some people feel
that all this is a trivial issue.
that all this is a trivial issue.
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有人认为这一切都是微不足道的问题。
06:46
I was writing my book
when I was at a dinner party
when I was at a dinner party
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在写我的书时，我在一个晚宴上，
06:48
and someone said, "Isn't sexuality
a first-world problem?
a first-world problem?
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有人说：“性欲不是第一世界的问题吗？”
06:54
Aren't women dealing with more
important issues all over the world?"
important issues all over the world?"
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难道全世界的女人不是都在
处理更重要的事情吗？
处理更重要的事情吗？
06:59
Of course they are.
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当然她们是的。
07:01
But I think the impulse to trivialize sex
is part of our problem.
is part of our problem.
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但我认为，把性微小化的冲动
是我们问题的一部分。
是我们问题的一部分。
07:06
We live in a culture
that seems obsessed with sex.
that seems obsessed with sex.
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我们生活在一个似乎痴迷于性的文化中。
07:10
We use it to sell everything.
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我们用它来售卖一切东西。
07:13
We tell women that looking sexy
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我们告诉女性说看起来性感
07:15
is one of the most important
things you can do.
things you can do.
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是你能做的最重要的事情之一。
07:18
But what we really do is we belittle sex.
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但我们真正做的是轻视性。
07:21
We reduce it to a sad shadow
of what it truly is.
of what it truly is.
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实际上我们把它缩小成了一个悲哀的影子。
07:26
Sex is more than just an act.
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性不仅仅是一种行为。
07:29
I spoke with Dr. Lori Brotto,
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我和洛里 · 布罗托博士谈过，
07:31
a psychologist who treats
sexual issues in women,
sexual issues in women,
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她是治疗女性性问题，
07:35
including survivors of trauma.
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包括创伤的幸存者的心理学家。
07:37
She says the hundreds of women she sees
all tend to repeat the same thing.
all tend to repeat the same thing.
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她说，她见到的成百上千名女性
都倾向于重复同样的事情。
都倾向于重复同样的事情。
07:44
They say, "I don't feel whole."
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她们说：“我感觉不完整。”
07:47
They feel they've lost a connection
with their partners and themselves.
with their partners and themselves.
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她们感到伴侣和她们自己
已经失去了连接。
已经失去了连接。
07:52
So what is sex?
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那么性是什么？
07:55
We've traditionally defined the act of sex
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我们传统上把性行为定义为
07:58
as a linear, goal-oriented process.
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一个线性的、目标导向的过程。
08:02
It's something that starts with lust,
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它开始于欲望，
08:05
continues to heavy petting
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接着是密集的爱抚，
08:08
and finishes with a happy ending.
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最后以一个快乐的结局结束。
08:11
Except many women
don't experience it this way.
don't experience it this way.
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只是很多女性的经历并非如此。
08:18
It's less linear for them
and more circular.
and more circular.
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对她们来说，性不是线性的，
而是循环的。
而是循环的。
08:22
This is a new model
of women's arousal and desire
of women's arousal and desire
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这是罗斯玛丽·巴森博士发现的一种新的
08:26
developed by Dr. Rosemary Basson.
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女性唤醒和欲望模型。
08:29
It says many things,
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它说明了很多事情，
08:30
including that women can begin
an encounter for many different reasons
an encounter for many different reasons
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包括女人可以出于许多不同
的原因开始一段感情，
的原因开始一段感情，
08:35
that aren't desire,
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而不是出于欲望，
08:37
like curiosity.
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比如好奇心。
08:39
They can finish with a climax
or multiple climaxes,
or multiple climaxes,
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她们可以以一个高潮或多个高潮
08:44
or satisfaction without a climax at all.
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或者根本没有任何高潮的满足感结束。
08:49
All options are normal.
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所有的选项都是正常的。
08:52
Some people are starting to champion
a richer definition of sexuality.
a richer definition of sexuality.
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人们开始支持对性欲的
更丰富的定义。
更丰富的定义。
08:59
Whether you identify as male,
female or neither gender,
female or neither gender,
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无论你是男性，女性，或者都不是，
09:03
sex is about our relationship
to the senses.
to the senses.
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性是我们与感官的关系，
09:07
It's about slowing down,
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它是关于慢下来，
09:09
listening to the body,
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倾听身体的声音，
09:11
coming into the present moment.
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充分活在当下。
09:14
It's about our whole health
and well-being.
and well-being.
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这关乎我们的整个健康和幸福。
09:18
In other words,
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换句话说，
09:19
sex at its true breadth isn't profane,
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真正意义上的性不是亵渎，
09:24
it's sacred.
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而是神圣的。
09:28
That's one reason why women
are redefining their sexuality today.
are redefining their sexuality today.
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这是今天的女性正在重新
定义她们的性欲的原因之一。
定义她们的性欲的原因之一。
09:33
They're asking: What is sex for me?
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她们正在发问：“性对我来说是什么？”
09:37
So they're experimenting with practices
that are less about the happy ending --
that are less about the happy ending --
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所以她们在尝试一些与
快乐结局无关的做法——
快乐结局无关的做法——
09:42
more about feeling whole.
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更多是关于如何感觉到完整的自己。
09:45
So they're trying out
spiritual sex classes,
spiritual sex classes,
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所以她们在尝试精神上的性课程，
09:48
masturbation workshops --
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自慰研讨会——
09:51
even shooting their own porn
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甚至拍摄她们自己的色情片
09:53
that celebrates the diversity
of real bodies.
of real bodies.
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来庆祝真实身体的多样性。
09:58
For anyone who still feels
this is a trivial issue, consider this:
this is a trivial issue, consider this:
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对于任何仍然觉得这是一个微不足道的
问题的人，请考虑一下这个问题：
问题的人，请考虑一下这个问题：
10:02
understanding your body
is crucial to the huge issue
is crucial to the huge issue
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了解你的身体对性教育和性自愿
10:06
of sex education and consent.
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这一重大问题至关重要。
10:10
By deeply, intimately knowing
what kind of touch feels right,
what kind of touch feels right,
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通过深入、亲密地了解
什么样的触碰感觉好，
什么样的触碰感觉好，
10:15
what pressure, what speed, what context,
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什么样的压力，什么样的速度，
什么样的环境，
什么样的环境，
10:18
you can better know
what kind of touch feels wrong
what kind of touch feels wrong
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你就能更好知道什么样的触碰
感觉糟糕，
感觉糟糕，
10:22
and have the confidence to say so.
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并且有信心去说出来。
10:25
This isn't ultimately about women
having more or better sex.
having more or better sex.
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这最终不是事关女性拥有更多
或更好的性爱。
或更好的性爱。
10:29
It's not about making sure
women have as many orgasms as men.
women have as many orgasms as men.
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这不是为了确保女性跟
男性拥有一样多的高潮。
男性拥有一样多的高潮。
10:34
It's about accepting yourself
and your own unique experience.
and your own unique experience.
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这是关于接受你自己和你的独特体验。
10:40
It's about you being
the expert on your body.
the expert on your body.
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这是关于你要成为自己身体的专家。
10:44
It's about defining pleasure
and satisfaction on your terms.
and satisfaction on your terms.
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这是关于用你自己的语言去定义愉悦和满足。
10:50
And if that means you're happiest
having no sex at all,
having no sex at all,
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如果这意味着你没有性生活最快乐，
10:54
that's perfect, too.
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这也很完美。
10:57
If we define sex as part
of our whole health and well-being,
of our whole health and well-being,
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如果我们把性定义为我们
整个健康和幸福的一部分，
整个健康和幸福的一部分，
11:01
then empowering women
and girls to fully own it
and girls to fully own it
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那么赋予女性和女孩充分拥有它的权力
11:05
is a crucial next step toward equality.
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是迈向平等的下一个关键步骤。
11:08
And I think it would be
a better world not just for women
a better world not just for women
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我认为这不仅可以为女性
创造一个更好的世界，
创造一个更好的世界，
11:13
but for everyone.
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对每个人也是。
11:14
Thank you.
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谢谢。
11:16
(Applause)
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（鼓掌）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sarah Barmak - JournalistSarah Barmak teaches journalism and writes about women's health and sexuality, gender and sexual consent.
Why you should listen
Sarah Barmak's book Closer: Notes From the Orgasmic Frontier of Female Sexuality, published by Coach House, was named one of the Best Books of 2016 by four major Canadian media organizations. The Globe and Mail called it "an incredibly insightful exploration of female pleasure," and legendary director Mary Harron called it "sharp and funny and well-researched and elegantly written."
Barmak writes for The Walrus magazine, including a 2018 cover story on consent and #MeToo that was shortlisted for the Allan Slaight Prize, and she has contributed to New York Magazine's "The Cut," The Hairpin, Maclean's, The Toronto Star and many others. She teaches at The Fellowship in Global Journalism at The University of Toronto's Munk School of Global Affairs and Public Policy in Toronto, Canada. She also teaches a sexuality workshop called "The Sex Myth Detox." She is currently researching a new book on sexual consent.
Sarah Barmak | Speaker | TED.com