TED2006
Julia Sweeney: Letting go of God
Julia Sweeney : 把神放下
Filmed:
Readability: 3
4,604,979 views
Julia Sweeney表演她2006年的『把神放下』的楝篤笑表演。當兩個摩門教的傳教士敲她家門的那一天, 讓她重新開始去檢視自己的信仰。
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:25
On September 10, the morning of my seventh birthday,
0
0
3000
在九月十日, 我七歲生日的那個早上
00:28
I came downstairs to the kitchen, where my mother was washing the dishes
1
3000
4000
我從樓上走到廚房, 我媽媽在那裡洗著盤子
00:32
and my father was reading the paper or something,
2
7000
3000
我爸爸在讀著好像是報紙之類的東西,
00:35
and I sort of presented myself to them in the doorway, and they said,
3
10000
3000
我故意的在門前讓他們看到我, 接著他們說:
00:38
"Hey, happy birthday!" And I said, "I'm seven."
4
13000
5000
『嘿, 生日快樂!』 我說: 『我七歲了！』
00:43
And my father smiled and said,
5
18000
2000
我爸爸笑著說:
00:45
"Well, you know what that means, don't you?"
6
20000
2000
『你知道這代表什麼嗎?』
00:47
And I said, "Yeah, that I'm going to have a party and a cake
7
22000
3000
我說: 『對, 我會有個生日派對和生日蛋糕！
00:50
and get a lot of presents?" And my dad said, "Well, yes.
8
25000
4000
還有許多禮物！』我爸爸說: 『唔, 對！
00:54
But, more importantly, being seven means that you've reached the age of reason,
9
29000
5000
但, 更重要的是, 七歲代表你已經到可以「明白事理」的年紀了,
00:59
and you're now capable of committing any and all sins against God and man."
10
34000
4000
你現在已經可以有能力去犯所有對神、人的罪惡了。』
01:03
(Laughter)
11
38000
3000
(笑聲)
01:06
Now, I had heard this phrase, "age of reason," before.
12
41000
3000
其實我之前就聽「明白事理的年紀」這句話
01:09
Sister Mary Kevin had been bandying it about
13
44000
3000
Mary Kevin修女已經在我二年級時
01:12
my second-grade class at school. But when she said it,
14
47000
2000
說過這字眼，但當她說的時候
01:14
the phrase seemed all caught up in the excitement of preparations
15
49000
3000
這字眼好像只讓我們興奮的準備
01:17
for our first communion and our first confession,
16
52000
2000
我們將有的第一次的宗教交流和告解，
01:19
and everybody knew that was really all about the white dress and the white veil,
17
54000
5000
我們還以為這些都只是跟白裙和白面紗有關的，
01:24
and anyway, I hadn't really paid all that much attention to that phrase, "age of reason."
18
59000
4000
我其實並不是太在意那句: 「明白事理的年紀」
01:28
So, I said, "Yeah, yeah, age of reason. What does that mean again?"
19
63000
5000
於是, 我說:『 好, 對, 明白事理的年紀, 究竟意思是什麼?』
01:33
And my dad said, "Well, we believe in the Catholic Church
20
68000
3000
我爸爸接著說: 『對, 我們都相信天主教
01:36
that God knows that little kids don't know the difference between right and wrong,
21
71000
4000
神知道小孩子並不太明白對和錯分別，
01:40
but when you're seven, you're old enough to know better.
22
75000
2000
但當你到了七歲, 你應該可以理解對和錯的分別。
01:42
So, you've grown up, and reached the age of reason, and now
23
77000
4000
所以, 你長大了, 也到了明白事理的年紀, 現在
01:46
God will start keeping notes on you and begin your permanent record."
24
81000
4000
神會開始紀錄你所作的事, 並且會永遠保存下來』
01:50
(Laughter)
25
85000
1000
笑聲
01:51
And I said, "Oh. Wait a minute. You mean all that time,
26
86000
7000
我說:『 等等, 你的意思是, 今天以前的所有時間，
01:58
up till today, all that time I was so good, God didn't notice it?"
27
93000
6000
以前我做過好的事, 神都沒有留意得到?』
02:04
And my mom said, "Well, I noticed it."
28
99000
3000
接著我媽媽說: 『對, 但我有留意的』
02:07
(Laughter)
29
102000
2000
(笑聲)
02:09
And I thought, "How could I not have known this before?
30
104000
2000
我在想: 『為什麼我之前不知道這情況?
02:11
How could it not have sunk in when they'd been telling me?
31
106000
2000
為什麼當他們告訴我的時候, 我一直沒有掌握到？
02:13
All that being good and no real credit for it.
32
108000
3000
原來我所作的好事, 並沒有真正的奬賞。
02:16
And, worst of all, how could I not have realized this very important information
33
111000
3000
可是, 最糟的是, 為什麼我一直沒有發現這個重要的訊息
02:19
until the very day that it was basically useless to me?"
34
114000
4000
直到這天, 知道這訊息已經對我毫無用處了。』
02:23
So I said, "Well, Mom and Dad, what about Santa Claus?
35
118000
3000
我說, 『好吧, 爸媽, 那聖誕老人又怎樣?
02:26
I mean, Santa Claus knows if you're naughty or nice, right?"
36
121000
4000
我是說, 聖誕老人會知道你是乖不乖, 對嗎?』
02:30
And my dad said, "Yeah, but, honey,
37
125000
2000
我爸爸說: 『對, 但親愛的
02:32
I think that's technically just between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
38
127000
3000
我想這只是感恩節跟聖誕節的技術上分別。』
02:35
And my mother said, "Oh, Bob, stop it. Let's just tell her.
39
130000
3000
跟著我媽媽說: 『噢, 巴比, 停吧, 直接告訴她吧
02:38
I mean, she's seven. Julie, there is no Santa Claus."
40
133000
4000
她已經七歲了, Julie, 聖誕老人不存在的。』
02:42
(Laughter)
41
137000
3000
(笑聲)
02:45
Now, this was actually not that upsetting to me.
42
140000
4000
直到這裡, 我都還可以接受
02:49
My parents had this whole elaborate story about Santa Claus:
43
144000
2000
我的父母曾用心的演繹了整個聖誕老人的故事：
02:51
how they had talked to Santa Claus himself and agreed
44
146000
3000
他們曾經跟聖誕老人討論, 以及得到他的同意
02:54
that instead of Santa delivering our presents over the night of Christmas Eve,
45
149000
3000
為什麼聖誕老人不直接在聖誕夜把禮物送來，
02:57
like he did for every other family
46
152000
2000
就好像他為其他家庭所做的
02:59
who got to open their surprises first thing Christmas morning,
47
154000
3000
他們在聖誕早上起來的時候, 便已經收到了禮物的驚喜，
03:02
our family would give Santa more time.
48
157000
3000
可是我們的家卻給聖誕老人多一點時間。
03:05
Santa would come to our house while we were at nine o'clock high mass
49
160000
3000
如果我們的小朋友在聖誕早上九時彌撒的時候, 沒有頑皮,
03:08
on Christmas morning, but only if all of us kids did not make a fuss.
50
163000
4000
聖誕老人才會早上到我們的家放下禮物。
03:12
Which made me very suspicious.
51
167000
3000
這個令我很疑惑。
03:15
It was pretty obvious that it was really our parents giving us the presents.
52
170000
4000
這很明顯是我爸媽他們給我的禮物。
03:19
I mean, my dad had a very distinctive wrapping style,
53
174000
3000
我發現, 我爸爸有一種十分奇怪的包禮物方法，
03:22
and my mother's handwriting was so close to Santa's.
54
177000
4000
而我媽媽的筆跡卻跟聖誕老人非常近似。
03:26
Plus, why would Santa save time by having to loop back
55
181000
2000
還有, 為什麼聖誕老人還有時候走到別人的家之後
03:28
to our house after he'd gone to everybody else's?
56
183000
3000
還會折返到我們家？
03:31
There's only one obvious conclusion to reach from this mountain of evidence:
57
186000
4000
在這一大堆證據之下, 只有一個解釋
03:35
our family was too strange and weird
58
190000
3000
就是我們的家太奇怪, 太怪異了
03:38
for even Santa Claus to come visit,
59
193000
2000
所以聖誕老人才不來，
03:40
and my poor parents were trying to protect us from the embarrassment,
60
195000
3000
而我可憐的父母, 為了不想我們這怪異家庭
03:43
this humiliation of rejection by Santa, who was jolly --
61
198000
4000
因為被快樂的聖誕老人拒絕而太尷尬的。
03:47
but, let's face it, he was also very judgmental.
62
202000
3000
但, 讓我們坦承吧, 他實在是太判定了！
03:50
So, to find out that there was no Santa Claus at all was actually sort of a relief.
63
205000
5000
所以, 去發現這世界沒有聖誕老人, 也許也是一種解脫。
03:55
I left the kitchen not really in shock about Santa,
64
210000
3000
當我離開廚房的時候,我的確對聖誕老人感到驚奇，
03:58
but rather I was just dumbfounded
65
213000
1000
但其實是有點兒驚呆
03:59
about how I could have missed this whole age of reason thing.
66
214000
4000
為什麼我錯過了那段還沒有到了明白事理的年齡。
04:03
It was too late for me, but maybe I could help someone else,
67
218000
3000
對我來說, 這已經是太遲了。但我仍可以幫助其他人
04:06
someone who could use the information.
68
221000
2000
有人應該可以用這個資料的。
04:08
They had to fit two criteria:
69
223000
2000
但他們需要符合兩個條件:
04:10
they had to be old enough to be able to understand
70
225000
2000
他們要長大得足夠去明白
04:12
the whole concept of the age of reason, and not yet seven.
71
227000
4000
整個明白事理的年齡的概念, 而又未到七歲。
04:16
The answer was clear: my brother Bill. He was six.
72
231000
3000
答案好明顯: 我的弟弟Bill, 他現在六歲。
04:19
Well, I finally found Bill about a block away from our house
73
234000
3000
好了, 我在家附近的學校遊樂場找到Bill
04:22
at this public school playground. It was a Saturday,
74
237000
2000
這是星期六，
04:24
and he was all by himself, just kicking a ball against the side of a wall.
75
239000
4000
他只是一個人, 對著牆邊在踢球。
04:28
I ran up to him and said, "Bill!
76
243000
2000
我跑上去大叫: 『Bill!
04:30
I just realized that the age of reason starts when you turn seven,
77
245000
3000
我剛剛發現, 當你七歲之後, 你便進了明白事理的年齡，
04:33
and then you're capable of committing any and all sins
78
248000
2000
你便會有能力對神或是對人犯罪。』
04:35
against God and man." And Bill said, "So?" And then I said,
79
250000
4000
Bill 說:『 那又怎樣? 』我說：
04:39
"So, you're six. You have a whole year to do anything you want to
80
254000
4000
『你只有六歲, 你還有一年的時間做所有你想做的事
04:43
and God won't notice it." And he said, "So?" And I said,
81
258000
4000
而神是不會跟你算賬的。』他又說: 『那又怎樣?』
04:47
"So? So everything!" And I turned to run. I was so angry with him.
82
262000
6000
我說：『你這什麼態度! 』我轉身想走, 我實在對他很憤怒
04:53
But when I got to the top of the steps, I turned around dramatically
83
268000
2000
但當我準備起步時候, 我又戲劇性地回頭
04:55
and said, "Oh, by the way, Bill, there is no Santa Claus."
84
270000
5000
接著說: 『還有, Bill, 世界上根本沒聖誕老人。』
05:00
(Laughter)
85
275000
2000
(笑聲)
05:02
Now, I didn't know it at the time,
86
277000
2000
好了, 我當時不知道
05:04
but I really wasn't turning seven on September 10.
87
279000
3000
但我並沒有真正在九月十日那天，踏進七歲的年紀。
05:07
For my 13th birthday, I planned a slumber party with all of my girlfriends,
88
282000
4000
在我十三歲的生日, 我正準備跟我的女朋友開一個通宵派對，
05:11
but a couple of weeks beforehand my mother took me aside and said,
89
286000
3000
在派對前的數個星期, 我媽媽忽然把我叫到一旁然後說:
05:14
"I need to speak to you privately.
90
289000
4000
『我需要跟你私下說清楚。
05:18
September 10 is not your birthday. It's October 10." And I said, "What?"
91
293000
6000
九月十日不是你是生日, 你應該是十月十月生日的。』 我大叫:『 什麼?
05:24
(Laughter)
92
299000
1000
(笑聲)
05:25
And she said, "Listen. The cut-off date to start kindergarten was September 15."
93
300000
8000
她說: 『聽著, 因為九月十五日出生是報讀幼稚園的分界線。』
05:33
(Laughter)
94
308000
1000
(笑聲)
05:34
"So, I told them that your birthday was on September 10,
95
309000
3000
所以, 我告訴他們你的生日是在九月十日』
05:37
and then I wasn't sure that you weren't just going to go blab it all over the place,
96
312000
4000
我又怕你會到處跟別人亂說，
05:41
so I started to tell you your birthday was September 10.
97
316000
4000
所以我便告訴你, 你的生日是九月十日。
05:45
But, Julie, you were so ready to start school, honey. You were so ready."
98
320000
4000
但, 茱莉, 你當時已經準備好可以上學了, 親愛的
05:49
I thought about it, and when I was four,
99
324000
2000
我曾經想過, 當我四歲的時候
05:51
I was already the oldest of four children,
100
326000
2000
我已經是四個孩子之中最大的
05:53
and my mother even had another child to come,
101
328000
2000
我媽媽還有一個在肚裡準備出世，
05:55
so what I think she understandably really meant was that she was so ready,
102
330000
3000
所以她情有可原的認為她已經準備好讓我上學，
05:58
she was so ready. Then she said,
103
333000
3000
她是如此的準備好。接下她說:
06:01
"Don't worry, Julie, every year on October 10 when it was your birthday
104
336000
3000
『茱莉, 不用擔心, 我保証, 其實在每年的十月十日你生日的日子
06:04
but you didn't realize it, I made sure
105
339000
2000
但你還忘記的時候, 我保証
06:06
that you ate a piece of cake that day."
106
341000
3000
你那天都有吃一塊蛋糕的。』
06:09
(Laughter)
107
344000
3000
(笑聲)
06:12
Which was comforting, but troubling.
108
347000
2000
還真欣慰喔, 但卻也讓人困擾。
06:14
My mother had been celebrating my birthday with me, without me.
109
349000
5000
我媽媽竟然跟我, 暗暗地慶祝我的生日。
06:19
What was so upsetting about this new piece of information
110
354000
3000
我對這項新的資料實在感到很困惑
06:22
was not that I was going to have to change the date of my slumber party
111
357000
2000
這困惑不是因為要跟我的女朋友更改我們
06:24
with all of my girlfriends,
112
359000
2000
通宵派對的日子，
06:26
what was most upsetting was that this meant that I was not a Virgo.
113
361000
4000
最困惑的, 是這代表我竟然不是處女座。
06:30
I had a huge Virgo poster in my bedroom,
114
365000
3000
我的睡房掛了一張好大的處女座海報，
06:33
and I read my horoscope every single day, and it was so totally me.
115
368000
5000
我每天閱讀星座運勢, 明明就超準的!
06:38
(Laughter)
116
373000
2000
(笑聲)
06:40
And this meant that I was a Libra?
117
375000
2000
但我原來是天秤座？
06:42
So, I took the bus downtown to get the new Libra poster.
118
377000
4000
於是, 我搭公車到市中心買了張新的天秤座海報。
06:46
The Virgo poster is a picture of a beautiful woman with long hair,
119
381000
3000
那張處女座的海報有一幅很漂亮的長髮女人的圖畫，
06:49
sort of lounging by some water,
120
384000
2000
慵懶的躺在水邊，
06:51
but the Libra poster is just a huge scale.
121
386000
3000
但那個天秤座海報卻只是一只大天秤。
06:54
This was around the time that I started filling out physically,
122
389000
2000
這個時候, 我也是剛開始長胖的時候，
06:56
and I was filling out a lot more than a lot of the other girls,
123
391000
3000
但我卻比起其他女孩長得較胖，
06:59
and, frankly, the whole idea that my astrological sign was a scale
124
394000
4000
坦白說的, 那個星座的標誌是一只大天秤
07:03
just seemed ominous and depressing.
125
398000
3000
實在有點不吉祥及令人感到難受。
07:06
(Laughter)
126
401000
3000
(笑聲)
07:09
But I got the new Libra poster,
127
404000
2000
但我也貼了這新的天秤座海報，
07:11
and I started to read my new Libra horoscope,
128
406000
3000
於是, 我開始去閱讀我的天秤座星座運程，
07:14
and I was astonished to find that it was also totally me.
129
409000
6000
我又吃驚的發現, 運勢所說的, 也是超準的!
07:20
It wasn't until years later, looking back
130
415000
2000
直到數年前, 當我回想起
07:22
on this whole age-of-reason/change-of-birthday thing,
131
417000
3000
這整個「明白事理的年紀」和「改變出生日期」的這些事，
07:25
that it dawned on me: I wasn't turning seven
132
420000
2000
我才領悟到, 原來那時我還沒有到七歲
07:27
when I thought I turned seven. I had a whole other month
133
422000
3000
當我以為我已經七歲的時候, 我還有一整個月
07:30
to do anything I wanted to before God started keeping tabs on me.
134
425000
4000
在神沒有把我的行為記帳之前, 我還可以做任何我想做的事。
07:34
Oh, life can be so cruel.
135
429000
4000
唉, 生命實在是太殘忍了！
07:38
One day, two Mormon missionaries came to my door.
136
433000
4000
有一天, 有兩個摩門教的傳教士來敲我的門。
07:42
Now, I just live off a main thoroughfare in Los Angeles,
137
437000
2000
那時我剛好住在洛杉機的大道上，
07:44
and my block is -- well, it's a natural beginning
138
439000
3000
而我的住處, 剛好是整個區的開始
07:47
for people who are peddling things door to door.
139
442000
3000
特別為那些逐家逐戶拍門兜售的人來說。
07:50
Sometimes I get little old ladies from the Seventh Day Adventist Church
140
445000
3000
有時有些基督教復臨安息日教會的老女士會走過來
07:53
showing me these cartoon pictures of heaven.
141
448000
2000
給我展示那些關於天堂的卡通圖畫。
07:55
And sometimes I get teenagers who promise me that they won't join a gang
142
450000
4000
有時, 我又會遇到那些承諾不會加入黑社會
07:59
and just start robbing people if I only buy
143
454000
2000
和偷別人東西的年青人, 除非我願意
08:01
some magazine subscriptions from them.
144
456000
2000
在他們那裡訂雜誌。
08:03
So, normally I just ignore the doorbell, but on this day I answered.
145
458000
5000
所以, 平常我是不會理會那些門鈴的, 但那天我應了門。
08:08
And there stood two boys, each about 19,
146
463000
2000
我看到門外站著兩個男孩, 大概都是十九歲吧，
08:10
in white starched short-sleeved shirts, and they had little name tags
147
465000
4000
穿著白色的短袖恤衫, 身上都掛有小名牌
08:14
that identified them as official representatives
148
469000
2000
証明他們是基督末世
08:16
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,
149
471000
4000
聖徒教會的合法代表，
08:20
and they said they had a message for me from God.
150
475000
3000
他們說, 他們會傳達一個神的訊息給我
08:23
I said, "A message for me? From God?" And they said, "Yes."
151
478000
6000
我說: 『有一個訊息給我? 由神而來? 』 他們說: 『是的』』
08:29
Now, I was raised in the Pacific Northwest,
152
484000
2000
我在太平洋西北地區長大
08:31
around a lot of Church of Latter-day Saints people and, you know,
153
486000
3000
那裡有許多末世聖徒教會的人
08:34
I've worked with them and even dated them,
154
489000
2000
我跟他們一起工作, 甚至跟他們約會過，
08:36
but I never really knew the doctrine or what they said to people
155
491000
2000
可是我卻從來不知道他們宗教的教義
08:38
when they were out on a mission, and I guess I was, sort of, curious,
156
493000
3000
或是如何對外傳道, 我想, 因為出於一點好奇，
08:41
so I said, "Well, please, come in." And they looked really happy,
157
496000
3000
於是我說: 『好, 請進來。』 他們看起來很高興，
08:44
because I don't think this happens to them all that often.
158
499000
3000
因為我想這應該不常發生在他們身上吧。
08:47
(Laughter)
159
502000
2000
(笑聲)
08:49
And I sat them down, and I got them glasses of water --
160
504000
4000
我帶他們坐下來, 我還給他們水
09:03
OK, I got it. I got them glasses of water.
161
518000
3000
好吧, 我明白, 我給了他們兩杯水
09:06
Don't touch my hair, that's the thing.
162
521000
2000
別碰頭髮, 就是這問題
09:08
(Laughter)
163
523000
3000
(笑聲)
09:11
You can't put a video of myself in front of me
164
526000
3000
你不能在我面前放著我的錄影
09:14
and expect me not to fix my hair.
165
529000
2000
又不讓我整理頭髮吧。
09:16
(Laughter)
166
531000
1000
(笑聲)
09:17
OK. So I sat them down and I got them glasses of water,
167
532000
6000
所以, 我帶他們坐下, 給他們兩杯水
09:23
and after niceties they said, "Do you believe that God loves you with all his heart?"
168
538000
5000
在這些禮待之後, 他們說: 『你是否全心的相信神是愛你的?』
09:28
And I thought, "Well, of course I believe in God,
169
543000
4000
我想, 『是, 當然, 我相信神
09:32
but, you know, I don't like that word, heart,
170
547000
2000
但, 你知道嗎, 我並不十分喜歡那個字眼: 全心
09:34
because it anthropomorphizes God,
171
549000
3000
因為這會把神人性化了，
09:37
and I don't like the word, 'his,' either, because that sexualizes God."
172
552000
4000
我也不喜歡那個字: 他, 因為這會性別化了神』』
09:41
But I didn't want to argue semantics with these boys,
173
556000
3000
但我不想去跟他們在字眼的語義上爭辯，
09:44
so after a very long, uncomfortable pause, I said
174
559000
3000
於是, 在一段很長, 很令人不安的停頓之後, 我說
09:47
"Yes, yes, I do. I feel very loved."
175
562000
5000
『是的, 我是的, 感到非常的被愛』
09:52
And they looked at each other and smiled,
176
567000
1000
他們互相對視, 然後笑著，
09:53
like that was the right answer. And then they said,
177
568000
3000
好像這正是正確的答案, 接著他們說，
09:56
"Do you believe that we're all brothers and sisters on this planet?"
178
571000
3000
『你相信我們在這地球全都是兄弟姊妹嗎?』
09:59
And I said, "Yes, I do. Yes, I do." And I was so relieved
179
574000
2000
我說: 『是, 我相信, 我相信,』 所以我便放心了
10:01
that it was a question I could answer so quickly.
180
576000
3000
因為這是一條我可以很快答出來的問題。
10:04
And they said, "Well, then we have a story to tell you."
181
579000
4000
他們說: 『好了, 我們有一個故事要告訴你。』
10:08
And they told me this story all about this guy named Lehi,
182
583000
3000
於是, 他們告訴了我，關於一個名叫Lehi的男人的故事
10:11
who lived in Jerusalem in 600 BC.
183
586000
3000
他在公元六百年前住在耶路撒冷。
10:14
Now, apparently in Jerusalem in 600 BC,
184
589000
2000
大概是公元前六百年的耶路撒冷，
10:16
everyone was completely bad and evil. Every single one of them:
185
591000
3000
每個人都很壞和邪惡, 每一個人:
10:19
man, woman, child, infant, fetus.
186
594000
3000
包括 男人, 女人, 兒童, 嬰兒, 胎兒
10:22
And God came to Lehi and said to him, "Put your family on a boat
187
597000
3000
神走去跟Lehi說: 『將你的家人搬上船
10:25
and I will lead you out of here." And God did lead them.
188
600000
4000
我會帶領你離開這裡。』神果然帶領他們
10:29
He led them to America.
189
604000
3000
他帶了他們到美國』
10:32
I said, "America? From Jerusalem to America by boat in 600 BC?"
190
607000
8000
我說:『 美國? 在公元前六百年坐船由耶路撒冷到美國?』
10:40
And they said, "Yes."
191
615000
2000
他們說: 『是的。』
10:42
(Laughter)
192
617000
2000
(笑聲)
10:44
Then they told me how Lehi and his descendants
193
619000
2000
跟著, 他們告訴我, Lehi 和他的子孫
10:46
reproduced and reproduced, and over the course of 600 years
194
621000
3000
繁殖再繁殖, 在這六百年裡
10:49
there were two great races of them, the Nephites and the Lamanites,
195
624000
3000
變成了兩大民族: Nephites和Lamanites
10:52
and the Nephites were totally, totally good -- each and every one of them --
196
627000
3000
Nephites 是完全的好,---他們每一個人都是好人--
10:55
and the Lamanites were totally bad and evil --
197
630000
2000
而 Lamanites 是完全壞和邪惡-
10:57
every single one of them just bad to the bone.
198
632000
2000
每一個人都是壞至透骨。
10:59
(Laughter)
199
634000
1000
(笑聲)
11:00
Then, after Jesus died on the cross for our sins,
200
635000
3000
跟著, 當耶穌為我們的罪釘在十字架上而死後,
11:03
on his way up to heaven he stopped by America and visited the Nephites.
201
638000
4000
他升上天堂的過程中, 他停在美國, 探訪了Nephites
11:07
(Laughter)
202
642000
1000
(笑聲)
11:08
And he told them that if they all remained totally, totally good --
203
643000
3000
他告訴他們: 如果他們的每一個人,
11:11
each and every one of them --
204
646000
2000
可以保持在完全完全的好--
11:13
they would win the war against the evil Lamanites.
205
648000
3000
他們便會在跟魔鬼Lamanites的戰爭中得到勝利
11:16
But apparently somebody blew it,
206
651000
3000
但明顯的, 有些人搞砸了,
11:19
because the Lamanites were able to kill all the Nephites.
207
654000
2000
因為Lamanites有能力殺死所有的Nephites。
11:21
All but one guy, this guy named Mormon,
208
656000
2000
當中只剩下一個人, 這個人名叫摩門,
11:23
who managed to survive by hiding in the woods.
209
658000
3000
他因為匿藏在叢林之中而僥倖生存。
11:26
And he made sure this whole story was written down
210
661000
3000
他為了保証整個故事能被記錄下來
11:29
in reformed Egyptian hieroglyphics chiseled onto gold plates,
211
664000
4000
他用古埃及的文字寫在金碟上,
11:33
which he then buried near Palmyra, New York.
212
668000
4000
然後把那些金碟埋在紐約近Palmyra的地方。
11:37
(Laughter)
213
672000
5000
(笑聲)
11:42
Well, I was just on the edge of my seat.
214
677000
3000
好了, 我差不多快要從我的椅子跌下來了。
11:45
(Laughter)
215
680000
3000
(笑聲)
11:48
I said, "What happened to the Lamanites?"
216
683000
3000
接下來我問, 『Lamanites發生了什麼事?』
11:51
And they said, "Well, they became our Native Americans here in the U.S."
217
686000
3000
他們說: 『他們變成了我們美國的印第安人。』
11:54
And I said, "So, you believe the Native Americans are descended
218
689000
4000
我說, 所說, 『你相信美洲原住民是
11:58
from a people who were totally evil?" And they said, "Yes."
219
693000
4000
那些完全邪惡的人的後代? 』他們說: 『是的。』
12:02
Then they told me how this guy named Joseph Smith
220
697000
3000
跟著他們告訴我一個名叫Joseph Smith的男人
12:05
found those buried gold plates right in his backyard,
221
700000
4000
怎樣在他的後園裡發那些埋藏了金碟，
12:09
and he also found this magic stone back there that he put into his hat
222
704000
3000
他也在那裡找到一塊魔法石, 當他把魔法石放在他的帽子內
12:12
and then buried his face into, and this allowed him
223
707000
3000
同時把他的臉埋藏在帽子內的時候, 他便可以
12:15
to translate the gold plates from the reformed Egyptian into English.
224
710000
4000
可以把金碟內的埃及文翻譯成英文。
12:19
Well, at this point I just wanted to give these two boys
225
714000
3000
在這裡, 我只想給這兩個男孩
12:22
some advice about their pitch.
226
717000
2000
關於他們推銷技巧的一些建議。
12:24
(Laughter)
227
719000
3000
(笑聲)
12:27
I wanted to say, "OK, don't start with this story."
228
722000
7000
我想說: 『好吧, 不要由這個故事開始。』
12:34
I mean, even the Scientologists know to start with a personality test before they start --
229
729000
5000
我的意思是, 連加入山達基教也先要做性格測試
12:39
(Applause)
230
734000
2000
(拍手)
12:41
-- telling people all about Xenu, the evil intergalactic overlord.
231
736000
5000
在他們告訴別人那個邪惡的銀河霸主Xenu的故事以前。
12:46
Well, then they said, "Do you believe that God speaks to us
232
741000
2000
好了, 跟著他們說:『 你相信神會向我們說話
12:48
through his righteous prophets?" And I said, "No, I don't."
233
743000
3000
透過他的正義的先知? 』我說: 『不, 我不信。』
12:51
Because I was, sort of, upset about this Lamanite story
234
746000
2000
因為, 我已經被那個 故事而弄得反感
12:53
and this crazy gold plate story, but the truth was,
235
748000
3000
還有那個瘋狂的金碟的故事, 但真相是
12:56
I hadn't really thought this through, so I backpedaled a little and I said,
236
751000
4000
我沒有認真的想過這些, 所以我撤退了一點點, 我說:
13:00
"Well, what exactly do you mean by righteous?
237
755000
3000
『那好, 那你所說的正義, 確實的意思是什麼?
13:03
And what do you mean by prophets? Like, could the prophets be women?"
238
758000
4000
你所說的先知又是什麼? 好像, 先知可以是女人嗎?』
13:07
And they said, "No." And I said, "Why?" And they said,
239
762000
4000
他們說: 『不會。』我問: 『為什麼? 』他們說:
13:11
"Well, it's because God gave women a gift that is so spectacular,
240
766000
5000
『那是因為神已經給女人一份很特別的禮物,
13:16
it is so wonderful, that the only gift he had left over to give men
241
771000
5000
這是很奇妙的, 這是唯一衪只給男人的,
13:21
was the gift of prophecy."
242
776000
3000
就是預言的恩賜。』
13:24
What is this wonderful gift God gave women, I wondered?
243
779000
2000
我在想那神給女人奇妙的禮物是什麼?
13:26
Maybe their greater ability to cooperate and adapt?
244
781000
5000
可能是更能合作和適應的能力？
13:31
Women's longer lifespan? The fact that women tend to be
245
786000
3000
更長的生命預期? 事實上女人大概如是
13:34
much less violent than men? But, no, it wasn't any of these gifts.
246
789000
4000
比起男人沒有那麼暴力? 但不, 不是這些禮物。
13:38
They said, "Well, it's her ability to bear children."
247
793000
3000
他們說: 『那就是女人可以懷孕生孩子的能力。』
13:41
I said, "Oh, come on. I mean, even if women tried to have a baby
248
796000
3000
我說: 『噢, 救命, 我的意思是, 即使女人嘗試去懷孩子
13:44
every single year from the time they were 15 to the time they were 45,
249
799000
4000
由十五歲至四十五歲的每一年,
13:48
assuming they didn't die from exhaustion,
250
803000
2000
假設她們不會氣絕身亡,
13:50
it still seems like some women would have some time left over
251
805000
3000
她們仍然可以有些時間剩下來聽聽神的說話。』
13:53
to hear the word of God." And they said, "No."
252
808000
4000
但他們說:『 不！』
13:57
(Laughter)
253
812000
3000
(笑聲)
14:00
Well, then they didn't look so fresh-faced and cute to me any more,
254
815000
2000
於是, 他們已經不再看來如此青澀和可愛了
14:02
but they had more to say.
255
817000
2000
但他們仍有話要說
14:04
They said, "Well, we also believe that if you're a Mormon
256
819000
3000
他們說: 『我們也相信如果你也加入摩門教
14:07
and if you're in good standing with the church, when you die
257
822000
2000
如果你跟教會有良好的聯繫, 當你死的時候
14:09
you get to go to heaven and be with your family for all eternity."
258
824000
5000
你便可以跟你的家人永遠去到天堂。』
14:14
And I said, "Oh, dear --
259
829000
2000
我說: 『啊, 親愛的--
14:16
(Laughter)
260
831000
7000
(笑聲)
14:23
-- that wouldn't be such a good incentive for me."
261
838000
2000
這對我來說不是一個好的動機。』
14:25
(Laughter)
262
840000
1000
(笑聲)
14:26
And they said, "Oh -- hey, well, we also believe
263
841000
5000
他們說: 『啊, 我們也會相信
14:31
that when you go to heaven you get your body restored
264
846000
2000
當你到了天堂的時候, 你的身體也能
14:33
to you in its best original state.
265
848000
3000
保持在最佳的狀態。
14:36
Like, if you'd lost a leg, well, you get it back.
266
851000
2000
就好像, 如果你失去了一只腳, 你會尋得回來
14:38
Or, if you'd gone blind, you could see."
267
853000
2000
或是, 如果你盲了, 你會看見。』
14:40
I said, "Oh -- now, I don't have a uterus because I had cancer
268
855000
4000
我說: 『啊, 現在, 我沒有了子宮因為我數年前曾有癌症
14:44
a few years ago. So, does this mean that if I went to heaven
269
859000
3000
所以, 意思是, 如果我到了天堂
14:47
I would get my old uterus back?" And they said, "Sure."
270
862000
4000
我可以找回我的老子宮?』 他們說: 『肯定
14:51
And I said, "I don't want it back. I'm happy without it." Gosh.
271
866000
6000
但我說: 『我不信要回它, 我因為沒有子宮而快樂。』
14:57
What if you had a nose job and you liked it?
272
872000
3000
假如, 你曾做過鼻子整型, 而你又喜歡新的鼻子?
15:00
(Laughter)
273
875000
2000
(笑聲)
15:02
Would God force you to get your old nose back?
274
877000
3000
那上帝會不會迫你要回你原來的鼻子?
15:05
Well, then they gave me this Book of Mormon,
275
880000
2000
接著, 他們送了我這本摩門教的書。
15:07
and they told me to read this chapter and that chapter,
276
882000
2000
他們告訴 我要看這個章節, 那個章節,
15:09
and they said they'd come back some day and check in on me,
277
884000
2000
然後他們說, 會再回來看我有沒有好好讀,
15:11
and I think I said something like, "Please don't hurry,"
278
886000
2000
我好像有說過: 『不要急...』
15:13
or maybe it was just, "Please don't," and they were gone.
279
888000
4000
又或是: 『不要..... 』, 他們就走了。
15:17
OK, so, I initially felt really superior to these boys,
280
892000
3000
OK, 起初的時候, 我是真的感到比起這兩個男孩佔了上風
15:20
and smug in my more conventional faith. But then,
281
895000
3000
我在我的傳統信仰裡沾沾自喜, 但後來
15:23
the more I thought about it, the more I had to be honest with myself.
282
898000
3000
當我再想多一點的時候 我愈覺得我需要對自己更誠實。
15:26
If someone came to my door and I was hearing Catholic theology
283
901000
3000
假如有人走到我的門前 第一次告訴我有關
15:29
and dogma for the very first time, and they said,
284
904000
3000
天主教的教義, 他們說:
15:32
"We believe that God impregnated a very young girl
285
907000
3000
『我們相信神是透過一個年輕女孩
15:35
without the use of intercourse,
286
910000
2000
沒有經過性交而受孕,
15:37
and the fact that she was a virgin is maniacally important to us --
287
912000
3000
而事實上, 她是一個童貞是十分重要的--
15:40
(Laughter)
288
915000
1000
(笑聲)
15:41
-- and she had a baby, and that's the son of God,"
289
916000
3000
而她有了一個嬰兒, 這就是神的兒子。』
15:44
I mean, I would think that's equally ridiculous.
290
919000
3000
我的意思是, 我會想這是同等的可笑。
15:47
I'm just so used to that story.
291
922000
2000
我只是聽慣了這故事。
15:49
(Laughter)
292
924000
1000
笑聲
15:50
So, I couldn't let myself feel condescending towards these boys.
293
925000
3000
所以, 我不可以讓自己在這兩個男孩面前感到居高臨下。
15:53
But the question they asked me when they first arrived
294
928000
2000
但當他們一來到的時候, 所問我的第一個問題
15:55
really stuck in my head:
295
930000
2000
卻縈繞在我的腦海:
15:57
Did I believe that God loved me with all his heart?
296
932000
4000
我是否相信神是全心全意的愛我？
16:01
Because I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about that question.
297
936000
2000
因為我也不確定自己對這問題的真實感覺。
16:03
Now, if they'd asked me,
298
938000
2000
現在, 如果他們問我:
16:05
Do you feel that God loves you with all his heart?
299
940000
4000
你感到神是全心全意的愛你嗎?
16:09
Well, that would have been much different, I think I would have instantly answered,
300
944000
3000
這, 這是很不一樣, 我想我會立即回答,
16:12
"Yes, yes, I feel it all the time. I feel God's love when I'm hurt and confused,
301
947000
5000
『是, 是的, 我常常都感覺得到。我感到神的愛當我受傷或是迷亂的時候,
16:17
and I feel consoled and cared for. I take shelter in God's love
302
952000
5000
我也感到被安慰和被照顧。我在神的愛中找到庇護
16:22
when I don't understand why tragedy hits,
303
957000
2000
當我不明白為何悲劇會發生,
16:24
and I feel God's love when I look with gratitude at all the beauty I see."
304
959000
4000
當我感恩的看到世間上的美善, 我也感到神的愛。』
16:28
But since they asked me that question with the word believe in it,
305
963000
3000
但因為他們問是有關相信的問題,
16:31
somehow it was all different,
306
966000
2000
怎說這是很不同的,
16:33
because I wasn't exactly sure if I believed what I so clearly felt.
307
968000
6000
因為我並不十分肯定, 我是否可以相信我的感覺。
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwrightJulia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith.
Why you should listen
Julia Sweeney is a writer, director, actress, comedian and monologist. She is known for being a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, where she created and popularized the androgynous character, Pat. She is also well known for her comedic and dramatic monologues. God Said Ha! is a monologue about serious illness, her brother's lymphoma and her own cancer, and her family's crazy reactions to this crisis as they soldiered their way through struggle, confusion and death. This play was performed all over the U.S. and on Broadway at the Lyceum Theater. It was made into a film produced by Quentin Tarantino, and the comedy album from the show was nominated for a Grammy.
Sweeney's second monologue, In the Family Way, played in theatrical runs in New York and Los Angeles. It was ultimately fashioned into a book, a memoir titled If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother. Sweeney's third monologue, Letting Go of God, chronicled her journey from Catholicism to atheism. It was made into a film that played on Showtime.
Julia Sweeney | Speaker | TED.com