sponsored links
TEDGlobal>Geneva

James Veitch: This is what happens when you reply to spam email

ジェイムズ・ヴィーチ: 詐欺メールに返信すると何が起きるのか

December 8, 2015

持ち主不明の保険証券、ダイヤモンドびっしりの貸金庫、友達が外国で足止めになっている話—こういう怪しいメール、よくありますよね。普通は見た瞬間削除するものですが、もしも返信したら何が起こるのでしょうか? ライターでコメディアンのジェイムズ・ヴィーチが、儲け話に巻き込もうとしてきたスパマーとの間で数週間続けたという、面白すぎるメールのやり取りの実況トークをお楽しみください。

James Veitch - Comedian and writer
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio

sponsored links
Double-click the English subtitles below to play the video.
数年前
00:12
A few years ago,
よくあるスパムメールが届きました
00:13
I got one of those spam emails.
僕のスパムフィルターを
見事にかい潜り
00:17
And it managed
to get through my spam filter.
なぜか 受信箱に入っていたのです
00:19
I'm not quite sure how,
but it turned up in my inbox,
送信者は
ソロモン・オドンコという男
00:21
and it was from a guy
called Solomon Odonkoh.
(笑)
00:24
(Laughter)
怪しいでしょ?
00:25
I know.
(笑)
00:27
(Laughter)
内容はこうです
00:28
It went like this:
「ジェイムズ・ヴィーチさん
00:29
it said, "Hello James Veitch,
00:31
I have an interesting business proposal
I want to share with you, Solomon."
面白いビジネスのご提案があります
ソロモンより」
削除ボタンの上まで手が伸びてました
00:36
Now, my hand was kind of hovering
on the delete button, right?
携帯を見ながら思ったのは
このまま削除してもいいけど—
00:39
I was looking at my phone.
I thought, I could just delete this.
それとも 誰もが ずっと
やってみたかったことをしちゃおうかと
00:42
Or I could do what I think
we've all always wanted to do.
(笑)
00:46
(Laughter)
僕:「ソロモンさん 興味をそそられます」
00:50
And I said, "Solomon,
Your email intrigues me."
00:52
(Laughter)
(笑)
(拍手)
00:55
(Applause)
これでゲーム開始です
01:00
And the game was afoot.
ソロモン:「ジェイムズ・ヴィーチ様
黄金を送らせていただきます」
01:05
He said, "Dear James Veitch,
We shall be shipping Gold to you."
(笑)
01:08
(Laughter)
ソ:「売った黄金の10%が
あなたに入るダヨ」
01:10
"You will earn 10%
of any gold you distributes."
(笑)
01:13
(Laughter)
これで 相手がプロだとわかりました
01:15
So I knew I was dealing
with a professional.
(笑)
01:17
(Laughter)
僕:「いくら分だ?」
01:22
I said, "How much is it worth?"
ソ:「少量から始めましょう—」
01:24
He said, "We will start
with smaller quantity," --
なんだ 少量かと思ったら—
01:27
I was like, aww --
01:28
and then he said, "of 25 kgs.
ソ:「—まずは25kgから
(笑)
01:31
(Laughter)
250万ドルに相当します」
01:34
The worth should be about $2.5 million."
僕:「ソロモン
やるならビッグにやろう」
01:39
I said, "Solomon, if we're
going to do it, let's go big.
01:42
(Applause)
(拍手)
僕「私には可能だ
全部でどれだけあるのかね?」
01:50
I can handle it.
How much gold do you have?"
01:54
(Laughter)
(笑)
ソ:「私が持っている量はいい
01:57
He said, "It is not a matter
of how much gold I have,
肝心なのは
あなたが扱える量です
02:00
what matters is
your capability of handling.
試しに 50kgから始めましょうか」
02:02
We can start with 50 kgs
as trial shipment."
僕:「50kgだって?
02:04
I said, "50 kgs?
最低でも1トンはないと
やる価値ないぞ」
02:06
There's no point doing this at all
02:08
unless you're shipping
at least a metric ton."
(笑)
02:10
(Laughter)
(拍手)
02:11
(Applause)
ソ:「お仕事は何を?」
02:15
He said, "What do you do for a living?"
(笑)
02:17
(Laughter)
僕:「ヘッジファンド銀行の
経営責任者だ
02:20
I said, "I'm a hedge fund
executive bank manager."
(笑)
02:22
(Laughter)
金塊を輸送するのは
初めてじゃないんだよ 君
02:27
This isn't the first time
I've shipped bullion, my friend,
舐めんなよン」
02:29
no no no.
そして僕は取り乱します
02:32
Then I started to panic.
僕:「拠点はどこだ?
02:33
I was like, "Where are you based?"
君の方はどうだか知らないが
郵便を使うなら
02:35
I don't know about you,
02:36
but I think if we're going
via the postal service,
書留にすべきだ
02:39
it ought to be signed for.
大量の黄金だからな」
02:40
That's a lot of gold."
02:42
He said, "It will not be easy
to convince my company
ソ:「会社がうんと言うかどうか
大量に輸送するわけなので」
02:44
to do larger quantity shipment."
僕:「ソロモン すごくわかるよ
02:46
I said, "Solomon, I'm completely
with you on this one.
役員会議で使えるような
ビジュアル資料を用意しよう
02:49
I'm putting together a visual for you
to take into the board meeting.
それまで踏ん張れ」
02:52
Hold tight."
(笑)
02:53
(Laughter)
これを送りました
03:00
This is what I sent Solomon.
[黄金の量 / 富]
(笑)
03:03
(Laughter)
(拍手)
03:05
(Applause)
ここに統計学者がいるか
わかりませんが
03:11
I don't know if we have
any statisticians in the house,
確実にヤバいですよね
03:14
but there's definitely something going on.
(笑)
03:16
(Laughter)
僕:「ソロモン
添付のチャートが使えるはずだ
03:18
I said, "Solomon, attached to this email
you'll find a helpful chart.
アシスタントの一人に
計算させた
03:23
I've had one of my assistants
run the numbers.
03:25
(Laughter)
(笑)
ありったけの黄金を輸送する
準備は万端だ」
03:27
We're ready for shipping
as much gold as possible."
どこかで必ず 奴らは
こちらの心をつかもうとします
03:30
There's always a moment where they try
to tug your heartstrings,
彼もこの時ばかりと
03:33
and this was it for Solomon.
ソ:「この取引がうまくいったら最高ですね
03:34
He said, "I will be so much happy
if the deal goes well,
私にも かなりの
マージンが入るので」
03:37
because I'm going to get
a very good commission as well."
僕:「素晴らしい
取り分は何に使うんだ?」
03:39
And I said, "That's amazing,
What are you going to spend your cut on?"
ソ:「不動産です あなたは?」
03:43
And he said, "On RealEstate,
what about you?"
03:45
I thought about it for a long time.
僕は すごく考えました
僕:「一言で言おう—
03:50
And I said, "One word;
フムスだ」
03:53
Hummus."
(笑)
03:54
(Laughter)
僕:「今 大人気だろ
04:00
"It's going places.
04:01
(Laughter)
(笑)
この前 スーパーで
04:03
I was in Sainsbury's the other day
30種類は並んでたんだ
04:04
and there were like
30 different varieties.
生の人参を切って
つけて食べたりもできるのさ
04:06
Also you can cut up carrots,
and you can dip them.
やったことあるかい
ソロモン君?」
04:09
Have you ever done that, Solomon?"
04:11
(Laughter)
(笑)
ソ:「もう寝ないと
04:14
He said, "I have to go bed now."
(笑)
04:15
(Laughter)
(拍手)
04:18
(Applause)
おやすみなすって
04:21
"Till morrow.
いい夢を」
04:24
Have sweet dream."
言葉に詰まっちゃったよ!
04:25
I didn't know what to say!
僕:「ボンソワール
僕の金塊くん おやすみ」
04:27
I said, "Bonsoir
my golden nugget, bonsoir."
04:30
(Laughter)
(笑)
想像してみてくださいよ
これが何週間も続くんです
04:33
Guys, you have to understand,
this had been going for, like, weeks,
とはいえ 人生最高の数週間でした
04:36
albeit hitherto the greatest
weeks of my life,
でも収拾がつかなくなってきて
やむを得ず 打ち切ることに
04:38
but I had to knock it on the head.
04:40
It was getting a bit out of hand.
友達に飲みに誘われても
04:41
Friends were saying, "James,
do you want to come for a drink?"
「黄金関係のメール待ちだから無理」
となるわけで
04:44
I was like, "I can't, I'm expecting
an email about some gold."
これはもう 打ち切りだ
ありえないオチをつけなきゃ
04:47
So I figured I had
to knock it on the head.
そう思って 一計を案じました
04:49
I had to take it
to a ridiculous conclusion.
僕:「ソロモン
セキュリティが気がかりだ
04:51
So I concocted a plan.
04:53
I said, "Solomon,
I'm concerned about security.
お互い メールするときは
04:55
When we email each other,
暗号を使わなきゃ」
04:56
we need to use a code."
ソロモンも賛成
05:00
And he agreed.
(笑)
05:01
(Laughter)
僕:「ソロモン
徹夜で暗号を考えた
05:02
I said, "Solomon, I spent all night
coming up with this code
今後の通信すべてに使うように
05:05
we need to use
in all further correspondence:
弁護士:くまさんグミ
05:08
Lawyer: Gummy Bear.
銀行:クリームエッグ
05:13
Bank: Cream Egg.
法務:コーラグミ
申請:ピーナッツM&M'S
05:15
Legal: Fizzy Cola Bottle.
Claim: Peanut M&Ms.
書類:ジェリービーンズ
05:18
Documents: Jelly Beans.
ウェスタン・ユニオン:
巨大トカゲグミ」
05:19
Western Union: A Giant Gummy Lizard."
05:22
(Laughter)
(笑)
奴らも使う言葉だって
知ってたからね
05:24
I knew these were all words
they use, right?
僕:「今後の通信すべてにおいて
私をキットカットと呼ぶように」
05:26
I said, "Please call me Kitkat
in all further correspondence."
05:30
(Laughter)
(笑)
返事はなく
やりすぎたと思いました
05:35
I didn't hear back.
I thought, I've gone too far.
ちょっと巻き戻さないとってね
05:38
I've gone too far.
So I had to backpedal a little.
僕:「ソロモン
この件はまだ生きてるのか?
05:40
I said, "Solomon, Is the deal still on?
キットカットより」
05:44
KitKat."
(笑)
05:45
(Laughter)
こういうのは徹底しないとね
05:46
Because you have to be consistent.
そして 返信が来ました
05:51
Then I did get an email back from him.
ソ:「取引は進行中です
あーだこーだ・・・」
05:52
He said, "The Business is on
and I am trying to blah blah blah ..."
僕:「こらこら!暗号使ってくれよ!」
05:56
I said, "Dude, you have to use the code!"
すると 僕の人生史上
最強のメールが来ました
06:01
What followed is the greatest email
I've ever received.
(笑)
06:03
(Laughter)
ふざけてるんじゃないですよ
本当に届いたんです
06:07
I'm not joking, this is what
turned up in my inbox.
いや〜 楽しかった
06:10
This was a good day.
ソ:「取引は進行中です
06:13
"The business is on.
くまさんグミに払う金を
集めている最中です—
06:15
I am trying to raise the balance
for the Gummy Bear --
(笑)
06:18
(Laughter)
彼には必要なコーラグミ・
ジェリービーンズをすべて
06:23
so he can submit all the needed
Fizzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans
クリームエッグに提出して
06:26
to the Creme Egg,
ピーナッツM&M'S 手続きを
始めてもらいます
06:29
for the Peanut M&Ms process to start.
(笑)
06:31
(Laughter)
1,500ポンドを
06:33
Send 1,500 pounds
06:35
via a Giant Gummy Lizard."
巨大トカゲグミ経由でご送金ください」
(笑)
06:38
(Applause)
これがあまりに楽しすぎて
06:49
And that was so much fun, right,
考えちゃいました
06:51
that it got me thinking:
もしも ありったけの時間で
できる限り
06:53
like, what would happen if I just spent
as much time as could
詐欺メールに
返信しまくったらどうなるだろう?
06:55
replying to as many
scam emails as I could?
それをまさにやっています
06:59
And that's what I've been doing
この3年間
07:02
for three years
皆さんの代理でね!
07:05
on your behalf.
07:06
(Laughter)
(笑)
(拍手)
07:08
(Applause)
詐欺メールに返信し始めると
ありえないことが起こります
07:11
Crazy stuff happens when you start
replying to scam emails.
すごく難しいけど
07:14
It's really difficult,
ぜひ やってみてください
07:15
and I highly recommend we do it.
僕は意地悪をしているんだとは思いません
07:17
I don't think what I'm doing is mean.
07:19
There are a lot of people
who do mean things to scammers.
詐欺師に意地悪する人は
たくさんいます
僕はただ 奴らの時間を
無駄使いしているだけです
07:22
All I'm doing is wasting their time.
僕の相手をしている間は
07:26
And I think any time
they're spending with me
奴ら 自分の時間を使って
騙されやすい大人たちをカモってないわけ
07:28
is time they're not spending
scamming vulnerable adults
07:31
out of their savings, right?
もし やってみようと思ったら—
非常にお勧めですよ—
07:33
And if you're going to do this --
and I highly recommend you do --
07:36
get yourself a pseudonymous email address.
偽名のアドレスを作りましょう
本名のアドレスはダメ
07:39
Don't use your own email address.
僕は 最初それで
最悪なことになりましたから
07:40
That's what I was doing at the start
and it was a nightmare.
朝 起きると
メールが千通届いてて
07:43
I'd wake up in the morning
and have a thousand emails
内容は ペニス増大関係
07:46
about penis enlargements,
そのうち 一通だけが
真面目に僕の—
07:47
only one of which
was a legitimate response --
07:49
(Laughter)
(笑)
医学的な質問に答えてるってわけ
07:51
to a medical question I had.
でも いいこと教えましょう
07:53
But I'll tell you what, though, guys,
07:54
I'll tell you what: any day is a good day,
any day is a good day
こんな風に始まるメールが届いた日は
ラッキーだと思ってください
07:57
if you receive an email
that begins like this:
(笑)
08:01
(Laughter)
「私はウィニー・マンデラ
08:04
"I AM WINNIE MANDELA,
南アフリカの前大統領
ネルソン・マンデラの第二夫人です」
08:06
THE SECOND WIFE OF NELSON MANDELA
THE FORMER SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT."
あ〜 あのウィニー・マンデラね!
って思いました
08:10
I was like, oh! -- that Winnie Mandela.
(笑)
08:12
(Laughter)
一人目じゃないですもん
08:13
I know so many.
ウィニー:「4,500万ドルを
国外に出さないとなりません
08:15
"I NEED TO TRANSFER 45 MILLION DOLLARS
OUT OF THE COUNTRY
夫のネルソン・マンデラの
容態が芳しくなくて」
08:18
BECAUSE OF MY HUSBAND
NELSON MANDELA'S HEALTH CONDITION."
イメージわきますかね
08:21
Let that sink in.
彼女が送ってきたものが
面白すぎました
08:23
She sent me this, which is hysterical.
(笑)
08:26
(Laughter)
これも来ました
08:29
And this.
一見 まともな
証明書なんですけど
08:30
And this looks fairly legitimate,
this is a letter of authorization.
でもここ 何も書いてない
ただの図形だし!
08:33
But to be honest, if there's nothing
written on it, it's just a shape!
(笑)
08:37
(Laughter)
僕:「ウィニーさん
大変お気の毒です
08:39
I said, "Winnie,
I'm really sorry to hear of this.
ご主人が3ヶ月前
亡くなったことからも
08:41
Given that Nelson died three months ago,
かなり深刻な容態だと言えますね」
08:43
I'd describe his health condition
as fairly serious."
(笑)
08:46
(Laughter)
健康状態としては
これ以上悪くなりようがないでしょう
08:49
That's the worst health condition
you can have, not being alive.
ウィ:「銀行の私の担当者の
指示に従っていただけるかしら
08:55
She said, "KINDLY COMPLY
WITH MY BANKERS INSTRUCTIONS.
08:57
ONE LOVE."
ONE LOVE」
(笑)
[注:ボブ・マーリー歌詞]
08:59
(Laughter)
僕:「もちろんです
NO WOMAN NO CRY」
09:02
I said, "Of course. NO WOMAN, NO CRY."
09:03
(Laughter)
(笑)
[注:ボブ・マーリー歌詞]
(拍手)
09:07
(Applause)
ウィ:「担当者に3千ドル送金するように
ONE LOVE」
09:12
She said, "MY BANKER WILL NEED
TRANSFER OF 3000 DOLLARS. ONE LOVE."
(笑)
09:15
(Laughter)
僕:「モーマンタイ!
09:19
I said, "no problemo.
I SHOT THE SHERIFF
[注:ボブ・マーリー歌詞]
09:24
I SHOT THE SHERIFF."
[(BUT I DID NOT SHOOT THE DEPUTY)]
09:29
[ (BUT I DID NOT SHOOT THE DEPUTY) ]
(笑)
09:31
(Laughter)
ありがとうございました
09:32
Thank you.
(拍手)
09:33
(Applause)
Translator:Riaki Poništ
Reviewer:Claire Ghyselen

sponsored links

James Veitch - Comedian and writer
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.

Why you should listen

Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK. 

He lives in London with his full body pillow.

sponsored links

If you need translations, you can install "Google Translate" extension into your Chrome Browser.
Furthermore, you can change playback rate by installing "Video Speed Controller" extension.

Data provided by TED.

This website is owned and operated by Tokyo English Network.
The developer's blog is here.