TEDxWomen 2011
Tan Le: My immigration story
Filmed:
Readability: 3.5
1,296,505 views
In 2010, technologist Tan Le took the TEDGlobal stage to demo a powerful new interface. But now, at TEDxWomen, she tells a very personal story: the story of her family -- mother, grandmother and sister -- fleeing Vietnam and building a new life.
Tan Le - Entrepreneur
Tan Le is the founder & CEO of Emotiv, a bioinformatics company that's working on identifying biomarkers for mental and other neurological conditions using electroencephalography (EEG). Full bio
Tan Le is the founder & CEO of Emotiv, a bioinformatics company that's working on identifying biomarkers for mental and other neurological conditions using electroencephalography (EEG). Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
How can I speak in 10 minutes
0
0
3000
00:18
about the bonds of women over three generations,
1
3000
3000
00:21
about how the astonishing strength of those bonds
2
6000
3000
00:24
took hold in the life
3
9000
2000
00:26
of a four-year-old girl
4
11000
2000
00:28
huddled with her young sister,
5
13000
2000
00:30
her mother and her grandmother
6
15000
2000
00:32
for five days and nights
7
17000
2000
00:34
in a small boat in the China Sea
8
19000
2000
00:36
more than 30 years ago,
9
21000
3000
00:39
bonds that took hold in the life of that small girl
10
24000
2000
00:41
and never let go --
11
26000
3000
00:44
that small girl now living in San Francisco
12
29000
2000
00:46
and speaking to you today?
13
31000
3000
00:49
This is not a finished story.
14
34000
3000
00:52
It is a jigsaw puzzle still being put together.
15
37000
3000
00:55
Let me tell you about some of the pieces.
16
40000
4000
00:59
Imagine the first piece:
17
44000
2000
01:01
a man burning his life's work.
18
46000
3000
01:04
He is a poet, a playwright,
19
49000
3000
01:07
a man whose whole life
20
52000
2000
01:09
had been balanced on the single hope
21
54000
2000
01:11
of his country's unity and freedom.
22
56000
3000
01:14
Imagine him as the communists enter Saigon,
23
59000
3000
01:17
confronting the fact
24
62000
2000
01:19
that his life had been a complete waste.
25
64000
2000
01:21
Words, for so long his friends, now mocked him.
26
66000
3000
01:24
He retreated into silence.
27
69000
3000
01:27
He died broken by history.
28
72000
4000
01:31
He is my grandfather.
29
76000
2000
01:33
I never knew him in real life.
30
78000
4000
01:37
But our lives are much more than our memories.
31
82000
4000
01:41
My grandmother never let me forget his life.
32
86000
3000
01:44
My duty was not to allow it to have been in vain,
33
89000
3000
01:47
and my lesson was to learn
34
92000
2000
01:49
that, yes, history tried to crush us,
35
94000
3000
01:52
but we endured.
36
97000
2000
01:54
The next piece of the jigsaw
37
99000
2000
01:56
is of a boat in the early dawn
38
101000
2000
01:58
slipping silently out to sea.
39
103000
3000
02:01
My mother, Mai, was 18
40
106000
2000
02:03
when her father died --
41
108000
2000
02:05
already in an arranged marriage,
42
110000
2000
02:07
already with two small girls.
43
112000
3000
02:10
For her, life had distilled itself into one task:
44
115000
3000
02:13
the escape of her family
45
118000
2000
02:15
and a new life in Australia.
46
120000
3000
02:18
It was inconceivable to her
47
123000
2000
02:20
that she would not succeed.
48
125000
2000
02:22
So after a four-year saga that defies fiction,
49
127000
3000
02:25
a boat slipped out to sea
50
130000
2000
02:27
disguised as a fishing vessel.
51
132000
3000
02:30
All the adults knew the risks.
52
135000
3000
02:33
The greatest fear was of pirates,
53
138000
2000
02:35
rape and death.
54
140000
2000
02:37
Like most adults on the boat,
55
142000
2000
02:39
my mother carried a small bottle of poison.
56
144000
4000
02:43
If we were captured, first my sister and I,
57
148000
3000
02:46
then she and my grandmother would drink.
58
151000
4000
02:50
My first memories are from the boat --
59
155000
2000
02:52
the steady beat of the engine,
60
157000
2000
02:54
the bow dipping into each wave,
61
159000
3000
02:57
the vast and empty horizon.
62
162000
3000
03:00
I don't remember the pirates who came many times,
63
165000
3000
03:03
but were bluffed by the bravado
64
168000
2000
03:05
of the men on our boat,
65
170000
2000
03:07
or the engine dying
66
172000
2000
03:09
and failing to start for six hours.
67
174000
3000
03:12
But I do remember the lights on the oil rig
68
177000
2000
03:14
off the Malaysian coast
69
179000
2000
03:16
and the young man who collapsed and died,
70
181000
3000
03:19
the journey's end too much for him,
71
184000
3000
03:22
and the first apple I tasted,
72
187000
2000
03:24
given to me by the men on the rig.
73
189000
3000
03:27
No apple has ever tasted the same.
74
192000
3000
03:32
After three months in a refugee camp,
75
197000
2000
03:34
we landed in Melbourne.
76
199000
2000
03:36
And the next piece of the jigsaw
77
201000
2000
03:38
is about four women across three generations
78
203000
3000
03:41
shaping a new life together.
79
206000
3000
03:44
We settled in Footscray,
80
209000
2000
03:46
a working-class suburb
81
211000
2000
03:48
whose demographic is layers of immigrants.
82
213000
3000
03:51
Unlike the settled middle-class suburbs,
83
216000
2000
03:53
whose existence I was oblivious of,
84
218000
2000
03:55
there was no sense of entitlement in Footscray.
85
220000
3000
03:58
The smells from shop doors were from the rest of the world.
86
223000
3000
04:01
And the snippets of halting English
87
226000
2000
04:03
were exchanged between people
88
228000
2000
04:05
who had one thing in common,
89
230000
2000
04:07
they were starting again.
90
232000
3000
04:10
My mother worked on farms,
91
235000
2000
04:12
then on a car assembly line,
92
237000
2000
04:14
working six days, double shifts.
93
239000
2000
04:16
Somehow she found time to study English
94
241000
3000
04:19
and gain IT qualifications.
95
244000
2000
04:21
We were poor.
96
246000
2000
04:23
All the dollars were allocated
97
248000
2000
04:25
and extra tuition in English and mathematics
98
250000
2000
04:27
was budgeted for
99
252000
2000
04:29
regardless of what missed out,
100
254000
3000
04:32
which was usually new clothes;
101
257000
2000
04:34
they were always secondhand.
102
259000
2000
04:36
Two pairs of stockings for school,
103
261000
3000
04:39
each to hide the holes in the other.
104
264000
2000
04:41
A school uniform down to the ankles,
105
266000
2000
04:43
because it had to last for six years.
106
268000
4000
04:47
And there were rare but searing chants
107
272000
2000
04:49
of "slit-eye"
108
274000
2000
04:51
and the occasional graffiti:
109
276000
2000
04:53
"Asian, go home."
110
278000
2000
04:55
Go home to where?
111
280000
2000
04:57
Something stiffened inside me.
112
282000
3000
05:00
There was a gathering of resolve
113
285000
2000
05:02
and a quiet voice saying, "I will bypass you."
114
287000
4000
05:06
My mother, my sister and I
115
291000
2000
05:08
slept in the same bed.
116
293000
3000
05:11
My mother was exhausted each night,
117
296000
2000
05:13
but we told one another about our day
118
298000
2000
05:15
and listened to the movements
119
300000
2000
05:17
of my grandmother around the house.
120
302000
2000
05:19
My mother suffered from nightmares
121
304000
2000
05:21
all about the boat.
122
306000
3000
05:24
And my job was to stay awake until her nightmares came
123
309000
3000
05:27
so I could wake her.
124
312000
3000
05:30
She opened a computer store
125
315000
2000
05:32
then studied to be a beautician
126
317000
2000
05:34
and opened another business.
127
319000
2000
05:36
And the women came with their stories
128
321000
2000
05:38
about men who could not make the transition,
129
323000
2000
05:40
angry and inflexible,
130
325000
2000
05:42
and troubled children caught between two worlds.
131
327000
3000
05:45
Grants and sponsors were sought.
132
330000
3000
05:48
Centers were established.
133
333000
2000
05:50
I lived in parallel worlds.
134
335000
2000
05:52
In one, I was the classic Asian student,
135
337000
4000
05:56
relentless in the demands that I made on myself.
136
341000
3000
05:59
In the other, I was enmeshed in lives that were precarious,
137
344000
3000
06:02
tragically scarred by violence,
138
347000
2000
06:04
drug abuse and isolation.
139
349000
3000
06:07
But so many over the years were helped.
140
352000
2000
06:09
And for that work, when I was a final year law student,
141
354000
3000
06:12
I was chosen as the young Australian of the year.
142
357000
3000
06:15
And I was catapulted
143
360000
2000
06:17
from one piece of the jigsaw to another,
144
362000
2000
06:19
and their edges didn't fit.
145
364000
2000
06:21
Tan Le, anonymous Footscray resident,
146
366000
2000
06:23
was now Tan Le, refugee and social activist,
147
368000
4000
06:27
invited to speak in venues she had never heard of
148
372000
3000
06:30
and into homes whose existence
149
375000
2000
06:32
she could never have imagined.
150
377000
2000
06:34
I didn't know the protocols.
151
379000
2000
06:36
I didn't know how to use the cutlery.
152
381000
3000
06:39
I didn't know how to talk about wine.
153
384000
3000
06:42
I didn't know how to talk about anything.
154
387000
4000
06:46
I wanted to retreat to the routines and comfort
155
391000
3000
06:49
of life in an unsung suburb --
156
394000
3000
06:52
a grandmother, a mother and two daughters
157
397000
3000
06:55
ending each day as they had for almost 20 years,
158
400000
3000
06:58
telling one another the story of their day
159
403000
2000
07:00
and falling asleep,
160
405000
2000
07:02
the three of us still in the same bed.
161
407000
4000
07:06
I told my mother I couldn't do it.
162
411000
4000
07:10
She reminded me that I was now the same age she had been
163
415000
3000
07:13
when we boarded the boat.
164
418000
3000
07:16
No had never been an option.
165
421000
3000
07:19
"Just do it," she said,
166
424000
2000
07:21
"and don't be what you're not."
167
426000
3000
07:24
So I spoke out on youth unemployment and education
168
429000
3000
07:27
and the neglect of the marginalized and the disenfranchised.
169
432000
3000
07:30
And the more candidly I spoke,
170
435000
2000
07:32
the more I was asked to speak.
171
437000
3000
07:35
I met people from all walks of life,
172
440000
3000
07:38
so many of them doing the thing they loved,
173
443000
2000
07:40
living on the frontiers of possibility.
174
445000
3000
07:43
And even though I finished my degree,
175
448000
3000
07:46
I realized I could not settle into a career in law.
176
451000
3000
07:49
There had to be another piece of the jigsaw.
177
454000
3000
07:52
And I realized at the same time
178
457000
3000
07:55
that it is okay to be an outsider,
179
460000
2000
07:57
a recent arrival,
180
462000
2000
07:59
new on the scene --
181
464000
2000
08:01
and not just okay,
182
466000
2000
08:03
but something to be thankful for,
183
468000
2000
08:05
perhaps a gift from the boat.
184
470000
3000
08:08
Because being an insider
185
473000
2000
08:10
can so easily mean collapsing the horizons,
186
475000
2000
08:12
can so easily mean
187
477000
2000
08:14
accepting the presumptions of your province.
188
479000
3000
08:17
I have stepped outside my comfort zone enough now
189
482000
3000
08:20
to know that, yes, the world does fall apart,
190
485000
2000
08:22
but not in the way that you fear.
191
487000
3000
08:25
Possibilities that would not have been allowed
192
490000
2000
08:27
were outrageously encouraged.
193
492000
2000
08:29
There was an energy there,
194
494000
2000
08:31
an implacable optimism,
195
496000
2000
08:33
a strange mixture of humility and daring.
196
498000
3000
08:36
So I followed my hunches.
197
501000
2000
08:38
I gathered around me a small team of people
198
503000
3000
08:41
for whom the label "It can't be done"
199
506000
2000
08:43
was an irresistible challenge.
200
508000
3000
08:46
For a year we were penniless.
201
511000
2000
08:48
At the end of each day, I made a huge pot of soup
202
513000
2000
08:50
which we all shared.
203
515000
2000
08:52
We worked well into each night.
204
517000
3000
08:55
Most of our ideas were crazy,
205
520000
2000
08:57
but a few were brilliant,
206
522000
2000
08:59
and we broke through.
207
524000
3000
09:02
I made the decision to move to the U.S.
208
527000
2000
09:04
after only one trip.
209
529000
2000
09:06
My hunches again.
210
531000
2000
09:08
Three months later I had relocated,
211
533000
2000
09:10
and the adventure has continued.
212
535000
3000
09:13
Before I close though,
213
538000
2000
09:15
let me tell you about my grandmother.
214
540000
3000
09:18
She grew up at a time
215
543000
2000
09:20
when Confucianism was the social norm
216
545000
2000
09:22
and the local Mandarin was the person who mattered.
217
547000
3000
09:25
Life hadn't changed for centuries.
218
550000
3000
09:28
Her father died soon after she was born.
219
553000
4000
09:32
Her mother raised her alone.
220
557000
3000
09:35
At 17 she became the second wife
221
560000
3000
09:38
of a Mandarin whose mother beat her.
222
563000
3000
09:41
With no support from her husband,
223
566000
2000
09:43
she caused a sensation by taking him to court
224
568000
3000
09:46
and prosecuting her own case,
225
571000
2000
09:48
and a far greater sensation when she won.
226
573000
3000
09:51
(Laughter)
227
576000
2000
09:53
(Applause)
228
578000
4000
09:57
"It can't be done" was shown to be wrong.
229
582000
4000
10:03
I was taking a shower in a hotel room in Sydney
230
588000
3000
10:06
the moment she died
231
591000
2000
10:08
600 miles away in Melbourne.
232
593000
3000
10:11
I looked through the shower screen
233
596000
2000
10:13
and saw her standing on the other side.
234
598000
3000
10:16
I knew she had come to say goodbye.
235
601000
2000
10:18
My mother phoned minutes later.
236
603000
3000
10:21
A few days later,
237
606000
2000
10:23
we went to a Buddhist temple in Footscray
238
608000
2000
10:25
and sat around her casket.
239
610000
2000
10:27
We told her stories
240
612000
2000
10:29
and assured her that we were still with her.
241
614000
3000
10:32
At midnight the monk came
242
617000
3000
10:35
and told us he had to close the casket.
243
620000
3000
10:38
My mother asked us to feel her hand.
244
623000
3000
10:41
She asked the monk,
245
626000
2000
10:43
"Why is it that her hand is so warm
246
628000
2000
10:45
and the rest of her is so cold?"
247
630000
3000
10:48
"Because you have been holding it since this morning," he said.
248
633000
4000
10:52
"You have not let it go."
249
637000
3000
10:57
If there is a sinew in our family,
250
642000
2000
10:59
it runs through the women.
251
644000
2000
11:01
Given who we were and how life had shaped us,
252
646000
3000
11:04
we can now see
253
649000
2000
11:06
that the men who might have come into our lives
254
651000
2000
11:08
would have thwarted us.
255
653000
2000
11:10
Defeat would have come too easily.
256
655000
3000
11:13
Now I would like to have my own children,
257
658000
2000
11:15
and I wonder about the boat.
258
660000
3000
11:18
Who could ever wish it on their own?
259
663000
3000
11:21
Yet I am afraid of privilege,
260
666000
2000
11:23
of ease,
261
668000
2000
11:25
of entitlement.
262
670000
2000
11:27
Can I give them a bow in their lives,
263
672000
2000
11:29
dipping bravely into each wave,
264
674000
3000
11:32
the unperturbed and steady beat of the engine,
265
677000
3000
11:35
the vast horizon
266
680000
2000
11:37
that guarantees nothing?
267
682000
2000
11:39
I don't know.
268
684000
2000
11:41
But if I could give it
269
686000
2000
11:43
and still see them safely through,
270
688000
2000
11:45
I would.
271
690000
3000
11:48
(Applause)
272
693000
12000
12:00
Trevor Neilson: And also, Tan's mother is here today
273
705000
3000
12:03
in the fourth or fifth row.
274
708000
3000
12:06
(Applause)
275
711000
4000
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Tan Le - EntrepreneurTan Le is the founder & CEO of Emotiv, a bioinformatics company that's working on identifying biomarkers for mental and other neurological conditions using electroencephalography (EEG).
Why you should listen
Tan Le is the co-founder and president of Emotiv. Before this, she headed a firm that worked on a new form of remote control that uses brainwaves to control digital devices and digital media. It's long been a dream to bypass the mechanical (mouse, keyboard, clicker) and have our digital devices respond directly to what we think. Emotiv's EPOC headset uses 16 sensors to listen to activity across the entire brain. Software "learns" what each user's brain activity looks like when one, for instance, imagines a left turn or a jump.
Le herself has an extraordinary story -- a refugee from Vietnam at age 4, she entered college at 16 and has since become a vital young leader in her home country of Australia.
Tan Le | Speaker | TED.com