TED2017
Tim Ferriss: Why you should define your fears instead of your goals
Filmed:
Readability: 4
7,442,608 views
The hard choices -- what we most fear doing, asking, saying -- are very often exactly what we need to do. How can we overcome self-paralysis and take action? Tim Ferriss encourages us to fully envision and write down our fears in detail, in a simple but powerful exercise he calls "fear-setting." Learn more about how this practice can help you thrive in high-stress environments and separate what you can control from what you cannot.
Tim Ferriss - Investor, human guinea pig, author
Tim Ferriss is an early-stage tech investor, best-selling author and podcaster. Full bio
Tim Ferriss is an early-stage tech investor, best-selling author and podcaster. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
So, this happy pic of me
was taken in 1999.
was taken in 1999.
0
976
3144
00:16
I was a senior in college,
1
4144
2090
00:18
and it was right after a dance practice.
2
6258
1932
00:20
I was really, really happy.
3
8214
1518
00:22
And I remember exactly where I was
about a week and a half later.
about a week and a half later.
4
10328
3886
00:26
I was sitting in the back
of my used minivan
of my used minivan
5
14238
3219
00:29
in a campus parking lot,
6
17481
1763
00:31
when I decided
7
19268
1151
00:32
I was going to commit suicide.
8
20443
1779
00:35
I went from deciding
to full-blown planning very quickly.
to full-blown planning very quickly.
9
23976
4037
00:40
And I came this close
to the edge of the precipice.
to the edge of the precipice.
10
28568
2995
00:43
It's the closest I've ever come.
11
31587
1637
00:45
And the only reason I took
my finger off the trigger
my finger off the trigger
12
33709
2952
00:48
was thanks to a few lucky coincidences.
13
36685
2423
00:51
And after the fact,
14
39679
1691
00:53
that's what scared me the most:
the element of chance.
the element of chance.
15
41394
3122
00:57
So I became very methodical
about testing different ways
about testing different ways
16
45242
3192
01:00
that I could manage my ups and downs,
17
48458
2130
01:02
which has proven to be
a good investment. (Laughs)
a good investment. (Laughs)
18
50612
3869
01:06
Many normal people might have,
say, six to 10 major depressive episodes
say, six to 10 major depressive episodes
19
54481
4176
01:10
in their lives.
20
58681
1527
01:12
I have bipolar depression.
It runs in my family.
It runs in my family.
21
60232
2326
01:14
I've had 50-plus at this point,
22
62582
3025
01:17
and I've learned a lot.
23
65631
1521
01:19
I've had a lot of at-bats,
24
67895
1853
01:21
many rounds in the ring with darkness,
25
69772
2341
01:24
taking good notes.
26
72137
1460
01:25
So I thought rather than get up
and give any type of recipe for success
and give any type of recipe for success
27
73961
3335
01:29
or highlight reel,
28
77320
1153
01:30
I would share my recipe
for avoiding self-destruction,
for avoiding self-destruction,
29
78497
3839
01:35
and certainly self-paralysis.
30
83241
1997
01:38
And the tool I've found which has proven
to be the most reliable safety net
to be the most reliable safety net
31
86429
3786
01:42
for emotional free fall
32
90239
1436
01:44
is actually the same tool
33
92683
1569
01:46
that has helped me to make
my best business decisions.
my best business decisions.
34
94276
2601
01:48
But that is secondary.
35
96901
1320
01:50
And it is ... stoicism.
36
98733
3117
01:53
That sounds boring.
37
101874
1524
01:55
(Laughter)
38
103422
1063
01:56
You might think of Spock,
39
104509
1616
01:58
or it might conjure and image like this --
40
106149
2515
02:00
(Laughter)
41
108688
1476
02:02
a cow standing in the rain.
42
110188
1977
02:04
It's not sad. It's not particularly happy.
43
112620
2890
02:07
It's just an impassive creature taking
whatever life sends its way.
whatever life sends its way.
44
115534
3800
02:11
You might not think of the ultimate
competitor, say, Bill Belichick,
competitor, say, Bill Belichick,
45
119853
4442
02:16
head coach of the New England Patriots,
46
124319
2256
02:18
who has the all-time NFL record
for Super Bowl titles.
for Super Bowl titles.
47
126599
3049
02:21
And stoicism has spread like wildfire
in the top of the NFL ranks
in the top of the NFL ranks
48
129672
5355
02:27
as a means of mental toughness
training in the last few years.
training in the last few years.
49
135051
3157
02:30
You might not think
of the Founding Fathers --
of the Founding Fathers --
50
138859
3582
02:34
Thomas Jefferson, John Adams,
George Washington
George Washington
51
142465
3138
02:37
to name but three students of stoicism.
52
145627
2792
02:40
George Washington actually had
a play about a Stoic --
a play about a Stoic --
53
148443
4098
02:44
this was "Cato, a Tragedy" --
54
152565
1983
02:46
performed for his troops at Valley Forge
to keep them motivated.
to keep them motivated.
55
154572
3187
02:50
So why would people of action
focus so much on an ancient philosophy?
focus so much on an ancient philosophy?
56
158346
4080
02:54
This seems very academic.
57
162450
1686
02:56
I would encourage you to think
about stoicism a little bit differently,
about stoicism a little bit differently,
58
164795
3413
03:00
as an operating system for thriving
in high-stress environments,
in high-stress environments,
59
168232
3263
03:03
for making better decisions.
60
171519
1482
03:05
And it all started here,
61
173639
2510
03:08
kind of,
62
176173
1163
03:09
on a porch.
63
177360
1446
03:10
So around 300 BC in Athens,
64
178830
3257
03:14
someone named Zeno of Citium
taught many lectures
taught many lectures
65
182111
2873
03:17
walking around a painted porch, a "stoa."
66
185008
2752
03:19
That later became "stoicism."
67
187784
1732
03:22
And in the Greco-Roman world,
68
190401
2396
03:24
people used stoicism
as a comprehensive system
as a comprehensive system
69
192821
2762
03:27
for doing many, many things.
70
195607
1410
03:29
But for our purposes, chief among them
was training yourself
was training yourself
71
197540
4189
03:33
to separate what you can control
from what you cannot control,
from what you cannot control,
72
201753
3447
03:37
and then doing exercises
to focus exclusively
to focus exclusively
73
205224
3058
03:40
on the former.
74
208306
1151
03:41
This decreases emotional reactivity,
75
209481
2378
03:43
which can be a superpower.
76
211883
1548
03:46
Conversely, let's say
you're a quarterback.
you're a quarterback.
77
214163
2861
03:49
You miss a pass.
You get furious with yourself.
You get furious with yourself.
78
217048
2192
03:51
That could cost you a game.
79
219264
1506
03:53
If you're a CEO, and you fly
off the handle at a very valued employee
off the handle at a very valued employee
80
221278
3910
03:57
because of a minor infraction,
81
225212
1500
03:58
that could cost you the employee.
82
226736
2011
04:01
If you're a college student
who, say, is in a downward spiral,
who, say, is in a downward spiral,
83
229581
4698
04:06
and you feel helpless and hopeless,
84
234938
2155
04:09
unabated, that could cost you your life.
85
237117
1977
04:11
So the stakes are very, very high.
86
239118
2259
04:14
And there are many tools
in the toolkit to get you there.
in the toolkit to get you there.
87
242258
3137
04:17
I'm going to focus on one
that completely changed my life in 2004.
that completely changed my life in 2004.
88
245419
3837
04:21
It found me then because of two things:
89
249988
2631
04:24
a very close friend, young guy, my age,
died of pancreatic cancer unexpectedly,
died of pancreatic cancer unexpectedly,
90
252643
5365
04:30
and then my girlfriend, who I thought
I was going to marry, walked out.
I was going to marry, walked out.
91
258032
3828
04:33
She'd had enough, and she didn't
give me a Dear John letter,
give me a Dear John letter,
92
261884
4045
04:37
but she did give me this,
93
265953
2351
04:40
a Dear John plaque.
94
268328
1312
04:41
(Laughter)
95
269664
1048
04:42
I'm not making this up. I've kept it.
96
270736
1785
04:44
"Business hours are over at five o'clock."
97
272545
2637
04:47
She gave this to me
to put on my desk for personal health,
to put on my desk for personal health,
98
275206
2766
04:49
because at the time, I was working
on my first real business.
on my first real business.
99
277996
3269
04:53
I had no idea what I was doing.
I was working 14-plus hour days,
I was working 14-plus hour days,
100
281289
3119
04:56
seven days a week.
101
284432
1433
04:58
I was using stimulants to get going.
102
286298
2294
05:00
I was using depressants
to wind down and go to sleep.
to wind down and go to sleep.
103
288616
2581
05:03
It was a disaster.
104
291221
1191
05:04
I felt completely trapped.
105
292436
1504
05:06
I bought a book on simplicity
to try to find answers.
to try to find answers.
106
294645
4067
05:10
And I did find a quote
that made a big difference in my life,
that made a big difference in my life,
107
298736
3829
05:14
which was, "We suffer more often
in imagination than in reality,"
in imagination than in reality,"
108
302589
5147
05:19
by Seneca the Younger,
109
307760
1784
05:21
who was a famous Stoic writer.
110
309568
1623
05:23
That took me to his letters,
111
311215
1816
05:25
which took me to the exercise,
112
313055
2453
05:27
"premeditatio malorum,"
113
315532
2503
05:30
which means the pre-meditation of evils.
114
318059
2296
05:32
In simple terms,
115
320379
1156
05:33
this is visualizing the worst-case
scenarios, in detail, that you fear,
scenarios, in detail, that you fear,
116
321559
5119
05:38
preventing you from taking action,
117
326702
1717
05:40
so that you can take action
to overcome that paralysis.
to overcome that paralysis.
118
328443
2740
05:43
My problem was monkey mind --
super loud, very incessant.
super loud, very incessant.
119
331207
3889
05:47
Just thinking my way
through problems doesn't work.
through problems doesn't work.
120
335120
2589
05:49
I needed to capture my thoughts on paper.
121
337733
2025
05:51
So I created a written exercise
122
339782
1967
05:53
that I called "fear-setting,"
like goal-setting,
like goal-setting,
123
341773
2382
05:56
for myself.
124
344179
1169
05:57
It consists of three pages.
125
345372
2099
05:59
Super simple.
126
347908
1261
06:01
The first page is right here.
127
349587
2210
06:03
"What if I ...?"
128
351821
2176
06:06
This is whatever you fear,
129
354021
1557
06:07
whatever is causing you anxiety,
130
355602
2083
06:09
whatever you're putting off.
131
357709
1361
06:11
It could be asking someone out,
132
359094
1487
06:12
ending a relationship,
133
360605
1624
06:14
asking for a promotion,
quitting a job, starting a company.
quitting a job, starting a company.
134
362253
3038
06:17
It could be anything.
135
365315
1157
06:18
For me, it was taking
my first vacation in four years
my first vacation in four years
136
366496
3032
06:21
and stepping away from my business
for a month to go to London,
for a month to go to London,
137
369552
3007
06:24
where I could stay
in a friend's room for free,
in a friend's room for free,
138
372583
3044
06:27
to either remove myself
as a bottleneck in the business
as a bottleneck in the business
139
375651
2706
06:30
or shut it down.
140
378381
1245
06:32
In the first column, "Define,"
141
380525
1958
06:34
you're writing down all of the worst
things you can imagine happening
things you can imagine happening
142
382507
3504
06:38
if you take that step.
143
386035
1551
06:39
You want 10 to 20.
144
387610
1562
06:41
I won't go through all of them,
but I'll give you two examples.
but I'll give you two examples.
145
389196
3020
06:44
One was, I'll go to London,
it'll be rainy, I'll get depressed,
it'll be rainy, I'll get depressed,
146
392240
3716
06:47
the whole thing will be
a huge waste of time.
a huge waste of time.
147
395980
2223
06:50
Number two, I'll miss
a letter from the IRS,
a letter from the IRS,
148
398227
2804
06:53
and I'll get audited
149
401055
1515
06:54
or raided or shut down or some such.
150
402594
2538
06:57
And then you go to the "Prevent" column.
151
405585
1974
06:59
In that column, you write
down the answer to:
down the answer to:
152
407583
2150
07:01
What could I do to prevent
each of these bullets from happening,
each of these bullets from happening,
153
409757
3095
07:04
or, at the very least, decrease
the likelihood even a little bit?
the likelihood even a little bit?
154
412876
3474
07:08
So for getting depressed in London,
155
416829
2395
07:11
I could take a portable blue light with me
156
419248
2014
07:13
and use it for 15 minutes in the morning.
157
421286
1995
07:15
I knew that helped stave off
depressive episodes.
depressive episodes.
158
423305
2655
07:17
For the IRS bit, I could change
the mailing address on file with the IRS
the mailing address on file with the IRS
159
425984
3871
07:21
so the paperwork would go to my accountant
160
429879
2067
07:23
instead of to my UPS address.
161
431970
1953
07:25
Easy-peasy.
162
433947
1449
07:27
Then we go to "Repair."
163
435420
2042
07:30
So if the worst-case scenarios happen,
164
438238
2470
07:32
what could you do to repair
the damage even a little bit,
the damage even a little bit,
165
440732
2966
07:35
or who could you ask for help?
166
443722
1766
07:38
So in the first case, London,
167
446431
1489
07:39
well, I could fork over some money,
fly to Spain, get some sun --
fly to Spain, get some sun --
168
447944
3675
07:43
undo the damage, if I got into a funk.
169
451643
2647
07:46
In the case of missing
a letter from the IRS,
a letter from the IRS,
170
454314
2409
07:48
I could call a friend who is a lawyer
171
456747
2441
07:51
or ask, say, a professor of law
172
459212
2494
07:54
what they would recommend,
173
462777
1301
07:56
who I should talk to,
how had people handled this in the past.
how had people handled this in the past.
174
464102
3196
07:59
So one question to keep in mind
as you're doing this first page is:
as you're doing this first page is:
175
467322
4037
08:03
Has anyone else in the history of time
176
471383
2157
08:05
less intelligent or less driven
177
473564
2107
08:07
figured this out?
178
475695
1224
08:09
Chances are, the answer is "Yes."
179
477383
2296
08:11
(Laughter)
180
479703
1002
08:12
The second page is simple:
181
480729
3077
08:16
What might be the benefits
of an attempt or a partial success?
of an attempt or a partial success?
182
484253
3421
08:19
You can see we're playing up the fears
183
487698
1811
08:21
and really taking a conservative
look at the upside.
look at the upside.
184
489533
2882
08:24
So if you attempted whatever
you're considering,
you're considering,
185
492924
2366
08:27
might you build confidence,
develop skills,
develop skills,
186
495314
2184
08:29
emotionally, financially, otherwise?
187
497522
2782
08:32
What might be the benefits
of, say, a base hit?
of, say, a base hit?
188
500328
2739
08:35
Spend 10 to 15 minutes on this.
189
503091
2067
08:37
Page three.
190
505182
1546
08:38
This might be the most important,
so don't skip it:
so don't skip it:
191
506752
2412
08:41
"The Cost of Inaction."
192
509188
1550
08:42
Humans are very good at considering
what might go wrong
what might go wrong
193
510762
2908
08:45
if we try something new,
say, ask for a raise.
say, ask for a raise.
194
513694
3389
08:49
What we don't often consider
is the atrocious cost of the status quo --
is the atrocious cost of the status quo --
195
517107
5598
08:54
not changing anything.
196
522729
1434
08:56
So you should ask yourself,
197
524959
1851
08:58
if I avoid this action or decision
198
526834
3200
09:03
and actions and decisions like it,
199
531042
2523
09:05
what might my life look like in,
say, six months, 12 months, three years?
say, six months, 12 months, three years?
200
533589
4757
09:10
Any further out, it starts
to seem intangible.
to seem intangible.
201
538370
2488
09:12
And really get detailed --
again, emotionally, financially,
again, emotionally, financially,
202
540882
3847
09:16
physically, whatever.
203
544753
1198
09:18
And when I did this, it painted
a terrifying picture.
a terrifying picture.
204
546571
2703
09:21
I was self-medicating,
205
549298
1536
09:23
my business was going to implode
at any moment at all times,
at any moment at all times,
206
551417
3761
09:27
if I didn't step away.
207
555202
1165
09:28
My relationships were fraying or failing.
208
556391
2533
09:30
And I realized that inaction
was no longer an option for me.
was no longer an option for me.
209
558948
4101
09:36
Those are the three pages. That's it.
That's fear-setting.
That's fear-setting.
210
564131
2791
09:38
And after this, I realized
that on a scale of one to 10,
that on a scale of one to 10,
211
566946
3591
09:42
one being minimal impact,
10 being maximal impact,
10 being maximal impact,
212
570561
3567
09:46
if I took the trip, I was risking
213
574152
1642
09:47
a one to three of temporary
and reversible pain
and reversible pain
214
575818
3334
09:51
for an eight to 10 of positive,
life-changing impact
life-changing impact
215
579176
4011
09:55
that could be a semi-permanent.
216
583211
1602
09:57
So I took the trip.
217
585389
1774
09:59
None of the disasters came to pass.
218
587187
1775
10:00
There were some hiccups, sure.
219
588986
1495
10:02
I was able to extricate myself
from the business.
from the business.
220
590505
2542
10:05
I ended up extending that trip
for a year and a half around the world,
for a year and a half around the world,
221
593071
3858
10:08
and that became the basis
for my first book,
for my first book,
222
596953
2206
10:11
that leads me here today.
223
599183
1477
10:12
And I can trace all of my biggest wins
224
600684
3332
10:16
and all of my biggest disasters averted
225
604040
2903
10:18
back to doing fear-setting
226
606967
1882
10:20
at least once a quarter.
227
608873
1571
10:23
It's not a panacea.
228
611240
1169
10:24
You'll find that some of your fears
are very well-founded.
are very well-founded.
229
612433
2890
10:27
(Laughter)
230
615347
1055
10:28
But you shouldn't conclude that
231
616426
1651
10:30
without first putting them
under a microscope.
under a microscope.
232
618101
2547
10:33
And it doesn't make all the hard times,
the hard choices, easy,
the hard choices, easy,
233
621324
3209
10:36
but it can make a lot of them easier.
234
624557
1951
10:39
I'd like to close with a profile
of one of my favorite modern-day Stoics.
of one of my favorite modern-day Stoics.
235
627185
4389
10:44
This is Jerzy Gregorek.
236
632141
1922
10:46
He is a four-time world champion
in Olympic weightlifting,
in Olympic weightlifting,
237
634802
3429
10:50
political refugee,
238
638255
1374
10:51
published poet,
239
639653
1281
10:53
62 years old.
240
641546
1389
10:54
He can still kick my ass and probably
most asses in this room.
most asses in this room.
241
642959
3470
10:59
He's an impressive guy.
242
647437
1202
11:00
I spent a lot of time
on his stoa, his porch,
on his stoa, his porch,
243
648663
2264
11:02
asking life and training advice.
244
650951
2004
11:06
He was part of the Solidarity in Poland,
245
654168
3184
11:09
which was a nonviolent
movement for social change
movement for social change
246
657376
2666
11:12
that was violently suppressed
by the government.
by the government.
247
660066
2777
11:14
He lost his career as a firefighter.
248
662867
2046
11:16
Then his mentor, a priest,
was kidnapped, tortured, killed
was kidnapped, tortured, killed
249
664937
3121
11:20
and thrown into a river.
250
668082
1634
11:21
He was then threatened.
251
669740
1214
11:22
He and his wife had to flee Poland,
bounce from country to country
bounce from country to country
252
670978
3158
11:26
until they landed in the US
with next to nothing,
with next to nothing,
253
674160
2454
11:28
sleeping on floors.
254
676638
1393
11:30
He now lives in Woodside, California,
in a very nice place,
in a very nice place,
255
678675
3787
11:34
and of the 10,000-plus people
I've met in my life,
I've met in my life,
256
682486
2625
11:37
I would put him in the top 10,
257
685135
2284
11:39
in terms of success and happiness.
258
687443
2194
11:42
And there's a punchline coming,
so pay attention.
so pay attention.
259
690571
2327
11:44
I sent him a text a few weeks ago,
260
692922
1863
11:46
asking him: Had he ever read
any Stoic philosophy?
any Stoic philosophy?
261
694809
2795
11:49
And he replied with two pages of text.
262
697628
2398
11:52
This is very unlike him.
He is a terse dude.
He is a terse dude.
263
700050
2245
11:54
(Laughter)
264
702319
1492
11:55
And not only was he familiar
with stoicism,
with stoicism,
265
703835
3061
11:58
but he pointed out, for all
of his most important decisions,
of his most important decisions,
266
706920
3394
12:02
his inflection points,
267
710338
1507
12:03
when he stood up
for his principles and ethics,
for his principles and ethics,
268
711869
3586
12:08
how he had used stoicism
and something akin to fear-setting,
and something akin to fear-setting,
269
716142
3102
12:11
which blew my mind.
270
719268
1162
12:12
And he closed with two things.
271
720454
1647
12:14
Number one: he couldn't imagine
any life more beautiful
any life more beautiful
272
722125
3727
12:17
than that of a Stoic.
273
725876
1459
12:20
And the last was his mantra,
which he applies to everything,
which he applies to everything,
274
728813
2928
12:23
and you can apply to everything:
275
731765
2124
12:27
"Easy choices, hard life.
276
735404
2009
12:30
Hard choices, easy life."
277
738057
2509
12:34
The hard choices --
278
742272
1977
12:36
what we most fear doing, asking, saying --
279
744273
3809
12:41
these are very often exactly
what we most need to do.
what we most need to do.
280
749021
3550
12:45
And the biggest challenges
and problems we face
and problems we face
281
753968
2489
12:48
will never be solved
with comfortable conversations,
with comfortable conversations,
282
756481
3095
12:51
whether it's in your own head
or with other people.
or with other people.
283
759600
2706
12:55
So I encourage you to ask yourselves:
284
763364
1805
12:57
Where in your lives right now
285
765193
1915
12:59
might defining your fears be more
important than defining your goals?
important than defining your goals?
286
767132
4794
13:04
Keeping in mind all the while,
the words of Seneca:
the words of Seneca:
287
772966
3205
13:08
"We suffer more often
in imagination than in reality."
in imagination than in reality."
288
776195
3949
13:12
Thank you very much.
289
780168
1172
13:13
(Applause)
290
781364
6858
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Tim Ferriss - Investor, human guinea pig, authorTim Ferriss is an early-stage tech investor, best-selling author and podcaster.
Why you should listen
Tim Ferriss has been listed as one of Fast Company's "Most Innovative Business People" and one of Fortune's "40 under 40." He is an early-stage technology investor/advisor (Uber, Facebook, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ others) and the author of four #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers, including The 4-Hour Workweek and his latest, Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers. The Observer and other media have called Tim "the Oprah of audio" due to the influence of The Tim Ferriss Show podcast, which is the first business/interview podcast to exceed 100 million downloads.
Tim Ferriss | Speaker | TED.com