James Veitch: This is what happens when you reply to spam email
James Veitch: Toto sa udeje, keď odpoviete na spamový e-mail
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
jeden spamový e-mail.
to get through my spam filter.
do schránky prijatej pošty.
but it turned up in my inbox,
called Solomon Odonkoh.
I want to share with you, Solomon."
o zaujímavý obchodný návrh. Solomon.
on the delete button, right?
I thought, I could just delete this.
we've all always wanted to do.
že každý chcel raz urobiť.
Your email intrigues me."
„Solomon, Váš e-mail ma zaujal.“
We shall be shipping Gold to you."
„Vážený James Veitch, pošleme Vám zlato.“
of any gold you distributes."
ktoré predáte ďalej.“
with a professional.
že sa bavím s profesionálom.
„O aké množstvo ide?“
with smaller quantity," --
„Začneme s menším množstvom,“
„ááá“ (sklamanie)
„25 kíl,
urobme to vo veľkom.
going to do it, let's go big.
How much gold do you have?"
„Nejde o to koľko zlata máme,
of how much gold I have,
your capability of handling.
so zásielkou 50 kg.“
as trial shipment."
„50 kg?
at least a metric ton."
„Aké je tvoje zamestnanie?“
executive bank manager."
zaoberám sa hedgeovými fondami.“
I've shipped bullion, my friend,
čo obchodujem s drahými kovmi, priateľu.
„Kde sídlite?
ak to chceme posielať poštou,
via the postal service,
presvedčiť moju spoločnosť,
to convince my company
väčšieho množstva.“
with you on this one.
úplne s tebou súhlasím.
to take into the board meeting.
ktorý môžeš predložiť predstavenstvu.
QUANTITY OF GOLD – množstvo zlata]
any statisticians in the house,
you'll find a helpful chart.
e-mailu nájdeš užitočný graf.
run the numbers.
as much gold as possible."
toľko zlata, koľko je možné.“
do diskusie emócie,
to tug your heartstrings,
„Budem taký šťastný, keď sa to podarí,
if the deal goes well,
a very good commission as well."
A na čo použiješ svoj podiel?“
What are you going to spend your cut on?"
what about you?"
30 different varieties.
and you can dip them.
a môžeš si ju do neho namáčať.
my golden nugget, bonsoir."
„Bonsoir moja zlatá žila, bonsoir.“
pokračovalo niekoľko týždňov a,
this had been going for, like, weeks,
týždne môjho života,
weeks of my life,
vymykalo sa to spod kontroly.
do you want to come for a drink?"
e-mail ohľadne zlata.
an email about some gold."
to knock it on the head.
do nejakého absurdného záveru.
to a ridiculous conclusion.
„Solomon, znepokojuje ma bezpečnosť.
I'm concerned about security.
coming up with this code
som vymýšľal tento kód,
in all further correspondence:
v ďalšej korešpondencii:
Claim: Peanut M&Ms.
Žiadosť: Oriešky v Čokoláde
they use, right?
tieto slová používajú.
in all further correspondence."
ma prosím oslovuj Kitkat.“
I thought, I've gone too far.
So I had to backpedal a little.
„Solomon, platí ešte naša dohoda?
v súlade s novými pravidlami.
snažím sa ...bla bla bla...“
and I am trying to blah blah blah ..."
I've ever received.
aký som kedy dostal.
turned up in my inbox.
for the Gummy Bear --
pre Gumového Medvedíka,
Fizzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans
Plnenému Čokoládovému Vajíčku
Želatínové Cukríky,
Orieškov v Čokoláde.
as much time as could
venoval všetok možný čas
scam emails as I could?
takýchto podvodných e-mailov?
replying to scam emails.
who do mean things to scammers.
they're spending with me
scamming vulnerable adults
and I highly recommend you do --
čo vám aj vrele odporúčam,
and it was a nightmare.
a bola to nočná mora.
and have a thousand emails
was a legitimate response --
o ktorú som žiadal.
any day is a good day
that begins like this:
BÝVALÉHO JUHOAFRICKÉHO PREZIDENTA.“
THE FORMER SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT."
„Ahá! Tá Winnie Mandelová.“
OUT OF THE COUNTRY
DOLÁROV VON Z KRAJINY,
NELSON MANDELA'S HEALTH CONDITION."
MANŽELA NELSONA MANDELU.“
this is a letter of authorization.
potvrdenie o plnej moci,
Je to iba obrys.
written on it, it's just a shape!
I'm really sorry to hear of this.
že jeho zdravotný stav je dosť vážny.“
as fairly serious."
you can have, not being alive.
keď už nie ste nažive.
WITH MY BANKERS INSTRUCTIONS.
INŠTRUKCIÍ MOJICH BANKÁROV.
(pieseň Boba Marleyho)
(iná pieseň Boba Marleyho)
TRANSFER OF 3000 DOLLARS. ONE LOVE."
PREVIESŤ 3 000 DOLÁROV. ONE LOVE.“
(ďalšia z piesní Boba Marleyho)
(pokračovanie tej istej piesne)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writerFor James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.
Why you should listen
Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK.
He lives in London with his full body pillow.
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com