James Veitch: This is what happens when you reply to spam email
James Veitch: 當你覆垃圾電郵時會發生嘅事
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
to get through my spam filter.
but it turned up in my inbox,
called Solomon Odonkoh.
I want to share with you, Solomon."
想邀請你參與,Solomon 上。」
on the delete button, right?
I thought, I could just delete this.
we've all always wanted to do.
我對你嘅計劃好有興趣。」
Your email intrigues me."
我哋想寄黃金畀你。」
We shall be shipping Gold to you."
你可以分到一成佣。」
of any gold you distributes."
with a professional.
with smaller quantity," --
我哋不如做大佢啦!」
going to do it, let's go big.
How much gold do you have?"
of how much gold I have,
your capability of handling.
as trial shipment."
at least a metric ton."
executive bank manager."
I've shipped bullion, my friend,
我同你又三唔識七。
via the postal service,
做咁大筆生意唔容易。」
to convince my company
我完全明白你嘅憂慮。
with you on this one.
to take into the board meeting.
方便你喺董事會上講清楚。
any statisticians in the house,
you'll find a helpful chart.
對你有幫助嘅圖表。
run the numbers.
as much gold as possible."
運得越多黃金越好!」
to tug your heartstrings,
if the deal goes well,
a very good commission as well."
你會點用筆錢呀?」
What are you going to spend your cut on?"
what about you?"
30 different varieties.
and you can dip them.
點落鷹嘴豆泥添!
my golden nugget, bonsoir."
this had been going for, like, weeks,
呢件事持續咗幾個禮拜
呢個係我人生中最正嗰幾個禮拜
weeks of my life,
「James,飲唔飲返杯呀?」
do you want to come for a drink?"
我等緊封關於黃金嘅電郵。」
an email about some gold."
to knock it on the head.
to a ridiculous conclusion.
我好擔心安全問題,
I'm concerned about security.
coming up with this code
我用咗成晚諗啲代號,
in all further correspondence:
Claim: Peanut M&Ms.
聲明:花生;
西聯匯款:一隻巨型橡皮蜥蜴。」
they use, right?
in all further correspondence."
所以冇再收到回覆
I thought, I've gone too far.
So I had to backpedal a little.
我哋交易仲繼續㗎呵?
and I am trying to blah blah blah ..."
我嘗試去點點點…」
你要用啲代號先得㗎!」
I've ever received.
turned up in my inbox.
for the Gummy Bear --
Fizzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans
所有需要嘅可樂樽啫喱豆
匯 1,500 鎊畀我
as much time as could
都盡量去覆呢啲詐騙郵件會點呢?
scam emails as I could?
代表各位回覆詐騙集團
瘋狂嘅事情就會發生
replying to scam emails.
who do mean things to scammers.
they're spending with me
容易上當嘅人㗎啦,係咪?
scamming vulnerable adults
and I highly recommend you do --
and it was a nightmare.
全部都係關於壯陽藥
and have a thousand emails
was a legitimate response --
一條醫學問題
any day is a good day
that begins like this:
THE FORMER SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT."
嗰個 Winnie Mandela!
OUT OF THE COUNTRY
NELSON MANDELA'S HEALTH CONDITION."
this is a letter of authorization.
呢封係一封授權信
written on it, it's just a shape!
印章只係得個樣!
I'm really sorry to hear of this.
真係好唔好意思,
as fairly serious."
you can have, not being alive.
WITH MY BANKERS INSTRUCTIONS.
三千美金嘅滙款。
TRANSFER OF 3000 DOLLARS. ONE LOVE."
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writerFor James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.
Why you should listen
Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK.
He lives in London with his full body pillow.
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com