TEDGlobal>Geneva
James Veitch: This is what happens when you reply to spam email
James Veitch: Isto é o que ocorre cando respondes un correo lixo
Filmed:
Readability: 3.9
55,851,315 views
Correos electrónicos sospeitosos: bonos de seguros sen reclamar, caixas fortes con diamantes incrustados, amigos próximos illados nun país estranxeiro. Xorden nas nosas caixas de entrada e o procedemento estándar é eliminalos nada máis velos. Pero que ocorre cando respondes? Sigue o escritor e comediante James Veitch na narración dun divertido intercambio de varias semanas cun remitente de correo lixo que lle propuxo compartir un súper negocio.
James Veitch - Comedian and writer
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
For James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
A few years ago,
0
809
1151
Hai algúns anos,
00:13
I got one of those spam emails.
1
1984
3460
chegoume un deses correos lixo.
00:17
And it managed
to get through my spam filter.
to get through my spam filter.
2
5468
2104
Conseguiu pasar os meus
filtros de correos lixo.
filtros de correos lixo.
00:19
I'm not quite sure how,
but it turned up in my inbox,
but it turned up in my inbox,
3
7596
2556
Non sei moi ben como o fixo
pero apareceu na caixa de entrada,
pero apareceu na caixa de entrada,
00:22
and it was from a guy
called Solomon Odonkoh.
called Solomon Odonkoh.
4
10176
2149
era dun tipo chamado
Solomon Odonkoh.
Solomon Odonkoh.
00:24
(Laughter)
5
12349
1215
(Risos)
Xa sei.
00:26
I know.
6
14159
1151
00:27
(Laughter)
7
15334
1230
(Risos)
00:28
It went like this:
8
16588
1160
Era algo así,
00:29
it said, "Hello James Veitch,
9
17772
1618
dicía: "Ola, James Veitch,
00:31
I have an interesting business proposal
I want to share with you, Solomon."
I want to share with you, Solomon."
10
19414
3539
Teño unha boa proposta de negocios
para compartir contigo, Solomon."
para compartir contigo, Solomon."
00:36
Now, my hand was kind of hovering
on the delete button, right?
on the delete button, right?
11
24246
2913
Ben, a miña man andaba pairando
no botón de borrar, vale?
no botón de borrar, vale?
00:39
I was looking at my phone.
I thought, I could just delete this.
I thought, I could just delete this.
12
27183
2959
Eu miraba o teléfono.
Pensei que podería eliminalo.
Pensei que podería eliminalo.
00:42
Or I could do what I think
we've all always wanted to do.
we've all always wanted to do.
13
30442
4165
Ou podería facer o que penso
que todos quixemos facer sempre.
que todos quixemos facer sempre.
00:46
(Laughter)
14
34631
2991
(Risos)
E dixen "Solomon,
o teu correo intrígame."
o teu correo intrígame."
00:50
And I said, "Solomon,
Your email intrigues me."
Your email intrigues me."
15
38541
2209
00:52
(Laughter)
16
40774
2702
(Risos)
00:55
(Applause)
17
43500
4976
(Aplausos)
01:00
And the game was afoot.
18
48500
2420
E o xogo púxose en marcha.
01:05
He said, "Dear James Veitch,
We shall be shipping Gold to you."
We shall be shipping Gold to you."
19
53214
2961
Dixo "Querido James Veitch,
Imos enviarche Ouro."
Imos enviarche Ouro."
01:08
(Laughter)
20
56199
1697
(Risos)
01:10
"You will earn 10%
of any gold you distributes."
of any gold you distributes."
21
58302
2897
"Vas gañar un 10 %
do ouro que distribúe."
do ouro que distribúe."
01:13
(Laughter)
22
61223
1764
(Risos)
01:15
So I knew I was dealing
with a professional.
with a professional.
23
63307
2051
Entón, decateime de que estaba tratando
cun profesional.
cun profesional.
01:17
(Laughter)
24
65382
3575
(Risos)
01:22
I said, "How much is it worth?"
25
70408
1484
Dixen "Canto custa?"
01:25
He said, "We will start
with smaller quantity," --
with smaller quantity," --
26
73058
2500
Dixo "Comezaremos
cunha cantidade máis pequena"
cunha cantidade máis pequena"
01:27
I was like, aww --
27
75582
1152
-e eu, ahhh-
01:28
and then he said, "of 25 kgs.
28
76758
2794
e logo el dixo, "de 25 kg.
01:31
(Laughter)
29
79576
2000
(Risos)
01:34
The worth should be about $2.5 million."
30
82969
2464
O valor debería andar polos 2,5 millóns."
01:39
I said, "Solomon, if we're
going to do it, let's go big.
going to do it, let's go big.
31
87536
2675
Dixen "Solomon, se o imos facer,
fagámolo ao grande.
fagámolo ao grande.
01:42
(Applause)
32
90235
6902
(Aplauso)
01:50
I can handle it.
How much gold do you have?"
How much gold do you have?"
33
98286
3905
Podo manexalo.
Cando ouro tes?"
Cando ouro tes?"
01:54
(Laughter)
34
102215
3087
(Risos)
01:57
He said, "It is not a matter
of how much gold I have,
of how much gold I have,
35
105761
2600
Dixo "Non é cuestión
de canto ouro teño,
de canto ouro teño,
02:00
what matters is
your capability of handling.
your capability of handling.
36
108385
2051
o que importa é a túa capacidade
para manexalo.
para manexalo.
02:02
We can start with 50 kgs
as trial shipment."
as trial shipment."
37
110460
2223
Podemos comezar con 50 kg
como envío de proba."
como envío de proba."
02:04
I said, "50 kgs?
38
112707
1871
Eu dixen "50 kg?
02:06
There's no point doing this at all
39
114602
1643
Non ten sentido facer iso
02:08
unless you're shipping
at least a metric ton."
at least a metric ton."
40
116269
2230
a non ser que envíes
polo menos unha tonelada."
polo menos unha tonelada."
02:10
(Laughter)
41
118523
1195
(Risos)
02:11
(Applause)
42
119742
2769
(Aplausos)
02:15
He said, "What do you do for a living?"
43
123401
1923
Dixo "A que te dedicas?"
02:17
(Laughter)
44
125348
1855
(Risos)
02:20
I said, "I'm a hedge fund
executive bank manager."
executive bank manager."
45
128283
2342
Dixen "Son director executivo
de investimentos dun banco."
de investimentos dun banco."
02:22
(Laughter)
46
130649
3408
(Risos)
02:27
This isn't the first time
I've shipped bullion, my friend,
I've shipped bullion, my friend,
47
135243
2710
Esta non é a primeira vez
que vexo lingotes, colega,
que vexo lingotes, colega,
02:29
no no no.
48
137993
1645
non, non, non.
02:32
Then I started to panic.
49
140989
1151
Entón entrei en pánico.
02:34
I was like, "Where are you based?"
50
142164
1628
E eu "Onde te localizas?"
02:35
I don't know about you,
51
143816
1182
Non sei nada de ti,
02:37
but I think if we're going
via the postal service,
via the postal service,
52
145022
2368
pero eu penso que se imos
usar o servizo postal,
usar o servizo postal,
02:39
it ought to be signed for.
53
147414
1308
debería ir asinado.
02:40
That's a lot of gold."
54
148746
1174
É moito ouro."
02:42
He said, "It will not be easy
to convince my company
to convince my company
55
150666
2437
Dixo "Non vai ser fácil
convencer a miña compañía
convencer a miña compañía
02:45
to do larger quantity shipment."
56
153127
1710
para facer o envío
dunha cantidade tan grande."
dunha cantidade tan grande."
02:46
I said, "Solomon, I'm completely
with you on this one.
with you on this one.
57
154861
2528
Dixen "Solomon, estou totalmente
contigo nisto.
contigo nisto.
02:49
I'm putting together a visual for you
to take into the board meeting.
to take into the board meeting.
58
157413
3446
Estou montando unha presentación
para levares á reunión do consello.
para levares á reunión do consello.
02:52
Hold tight."
59
160883
1180
Mantente firme."
02:54
(Laughter)
60
162087
3029
(Risos)
03:01
This is what I sent Solomon.
61
169009
1347
Isto foi o que lle mandei ao Solomon.
03:03
(Laughter)
62
171205
2127
(Risos)
03:05
(Applause)
63
173356
5912
(Aplausos)
03:11
I don't know if we have
any statisticians in the house,
any statisticians in the house,
64
179829
3055
Non sei se temos estatísticos por aquí
03:14
but there's definitely something going on.
65
182908
2009
pero definitivamente está a ocorrer algo.
03:16
(Laughter)
66
184941
1634
(Risos)
03:19
I said, "Solomon, attached to this email
you'll find a helpful chart.
you'll find a helpful chart.
67
187170
3280
Dixen "Solomon, agregado a este correo
vas atopar un gráfico útil.
vas atopar un gráfico útil.
03:23
I've had one of my assistants
run the numbers.
run the numbers.
68
191281
2293
Puxen un dos meus asistentes
a botar contas.
a botar contas.
03:25
(Laughter)
69
193598
1786
(Risos)
03:27
We're ready for shipping
as much gold as possible."
as much gold as possible."
70
195408
2381
Estamos preparados para o envío
de tanto ouro como for posible."
de tanto ouro como for posible."
03:30
There's always a moment where they try
to tug your heartstrings,
to tug your heartstrings,
71
198254
3051
Sempre hai un momento onde algo
che chega ao corazón,
che chega ao corazón,
03:33
and this was it for Solomon.
72
201329
1342
e isto foi demasiado para Solomon.
03:34
He said, "I will be so much happy
if the deal goes well,
if the deal goes well,
73
202695
2627
Dixo "Serei moi feliz
se o trato vai ben,
se o trato vai ben,
03:37
because I'm going to get
a very good commission as well."
a very good commission as well."
74
205346
2675
porque terei tamén
unha moi boa comisión."
unha moi boa comisión."
E dixen "Iso está xenial,
en que vas gastar a túa parte?
en que vas gastar a túa parte?
03:40
And I said, "That's amazing,
What are you going to spend your cut on?"
What are you going to spend your cut on?"
75
208045
3294
E dixo "en propiedades inmobiliarias, e ti?"
03:43
And he said, "On RealEstate,
what about you?"
what about you?"
76
211363
2150
Pensei niso durante bastante tempo.
03:46
I thought about it for a long time.
77
214133
3047
03:50
And I said, "One word;
78
218925
1639
E dixen "Unha palabra:
Hummus."
03:53
Hummus."
79
221632
1151
03:54
(Laughter)
80
222807
3181
(Risos)
04:00
"It's going places.
81
228261
1150
"Vai chegar lonxe.
04:01
(Laughter)
82
229435
1183
(Risos)
04:03
I was in Sainsbury's the other day
83
231395
1646
Estaba en Sainsbury's o outro día
04:05
and there were like
30 different varieties.
30 different varieties.
84
233065
2053
e había unhas 30 variedades diferentes.
04:07
Also you can cut up carrots,
and you can dip them.
and you can dip them.
85
235142
2897
Ademais, podes cortar paus de
cenoria e untalos nel.
cenoria e untalos nel.
04:10
Have you ever done that, Solomon?"
86
238063
1856
Fixéchelo algunha vez, Solomon?"
04:11
(Laughter)
87
239943
2000
(Risos)
04:14
He said, "I have to go bed now."
88
242458
1532
Dixo "Teño que ir para a cama."
04:16
(Laughter)
89
244014
2879
(Risos)
04:18
(Applause)
90
246917
2859
(Aplausos)
04:21
"Till morrow.
91
249800
1377
"Ata mañá.
04:24
Have sweet dream."
92
252407
1152
Que durmas ben."
04:25
I didn't know what to say!
93
253583
1388
Eu non sabía que dicir!
04:27
I said, "Bonsoir
my golden nugget, bonsoir."
my golden nugget, bonsoir."
94
255643
2887
Dixen "Bonsoir,
miña pebida dourada, bonsoir."
miña pebida dourada, bonsoir."
04:30
(Laughter)
95
258554
2301
(Risos)
04:33
Guys, you have to understand,
this had been going for, like, weeks,
this had been going for, like, weeks,
96
261323
3152
Xente, tedes que entender,
levabamos semanas con isto.
levabamos semanas con isto.
04:36
albeit hitherto the greatest
weeks of my life,
weeks of my life,
97
264499
2151
A pesar de seren as mellores
semanas da miña vida,
semanas da miña vida,
tiña que paralo.
04:38
but I had to knock it on the head.
98
266674
1627
Estábaseme indo das mans.
04:40
It was getting a bit out of hand.
99
268325
1580
Os amigos dicíanme "James,
vés tomar algo?"
vés tomar algo?"
04:41
Friends were saying, "James,
do you want to come for a drink?"
do you want to come for a drink?"
100
269929
2952
E eu "Non podo, estou agardando
un correo sobre ouro."
un correo sobre ouro."
04:44
I was like, "I can't, I'm expecting
an email about some gold."
an email about some gold."
101
272905
3016
Así que decidín que tiña
que paralo.
que paralo.
04:47
So I figured I had
to knock it on the head.
to knock it on the head.
102
275945
2044
Tiña que levalo
a un final absurdo.
a un final absurdo.
Así que inventei un plan.
04:50
I had to take it
to a ridiculous conclusion.
to a ridiculous conclusion.
103
278013
2056
Dixen "Solomon, estou
preocupado pola seguridade.
preocupado pola seguridade.
04:52
So I concocted a plan.
104
280093
1152
04:53
I said, "Solomon,
I'm concerned about security.
I'm concerned about security.
105
281269
2352
Cando intercambiemos correos,
04:55
When we email each other,
106
283645
1207
04:56
we need to use a code."
107
284876
1151
temos que usar un código."
05:00
And he agreed.
108
288582
1151
E el estivo de acordo.
05:01
(Laughter)
109
289757
1388
(Risos)
05:03
I said, "Solomon, I spent all night
coming up with this code
coming up with this code
110
291169
2889
Dixen "Solomon, pasei a noite
elaborando este código,
elaborando este código,
05:06
we need to use
in all further correspondence:
in all further correspondence:
111
294082
2105
temos que usalo
en toda a correspondencia:
en toda a correspondencia:
05:08
Lawyer: Gummy Bear.
112
296211
3743
Avogado: osiño de goma.
05:13
Bank: Cream Egg.
113
301564
1859
Banco: ovo de chocolate.
05:16
Legal: Fizzy Cola Bottle.
Claim: Peanut M&Ms.
Claim: Peanut M&Ms.
114
304002
2167
Legal: botella de cola efervescente.
Concesión: M&M de cacahuete.
Concesión: M&M de cacahuete.
05:18
Documents: Jelly Beans.
115
306193
1920
Documentos: caramelos de froitas.
Western Union: lagarto
xigante de goma."
xigante de goma."
05:20
Western Union: A Giant Gummy Lizard."
116
308137
2144
05:22
(Laughter)
117
310305
1832
(Risos)
05:24
I knew these were all words
they use, right?
they use, right?
118
312602
2051
Eu sabía que estas son
palabras que se usan, non?
palabras que se usan, non?
05:26
I said, "Please call me Kitkat
in all further correspondence."
in all further correspondence."
119
314962
3675
Dixen "Por favor, chámame Kitkat
en toda a nosa correspondencia."
en toda a nosa correspondencia."
05:30
(Laughter)
120
318661
4063
(Risos)
05:36
I didn't hear back.
I thought, I've gone too far.
I thought, I've gone too far.
121
324002
2428
Non recibín resposta.
Pensei: fun demasiado lonxe.
Pensei: fun demasiado lonxe.
05:38
I've gone too far.
So I had to backpedal a little.
So I had to backpedal a little.
122
326454
2342
Fun demasiado lonxe.
Así que tiven que recuar un pouco.
Así que tiven que recuar un pouco.
05:40
I said, "Solomon, Is the deal still on?
123
328820
2285
Dixen "Solomon, o trato
aínda está en pé?
aínda está en pé?
05:44
KitKat."
124
332311
1151
Kitkat."
05:45
(Laughter)
125
333486
1246
(Risos)
05:46
Because you have to be consistent.
126
334756
1872
Porque hai que ser coherente.
05:51
Then I did get an email back from him.
127
339208
1866
Entón chegoume un correo del.
05:53
He said, "The Business is on
and I am trying to blah blah blah ..."
and I am trying to blah blah blah ..."
128
341098
3180
Dixo "O negocio está en marcha
e estou intentando bla, bla, bla..."
e estou intentando bla, bla, bla..."
Dixen "Tío, tes que usar o código!"
05:56
I said, "Dude, you have to use the code!"
129
344302
1978
06:01
What followed is the greatest email
I've ever received.
I've ever received.
130
349478
2588
O seguinte foi o mellor correo
que xamais recibín.
que xamais recibín.
06:04
(Laughter)
131
352090
2182
(Risos)
06:07
I'm not joking, this is what
turned up in my inbox.
turned up in my inbox.
132
355675
2546
Non estou de broma, isto é o que
apareceu na miña caixa de entrada.
apareceu na miña caixa de entrada.
06:10
This was a good day.
133
358939
1150
Foi un bo día.
06:13
"The business is on.
134
361224
1151
"O negocio está en marcha.
06:16
I am trying to raise the balance
for the Gummy Bear --
for the Gummy Bear --
135
364065
2619
Estou intentando subir a balanza
para o osiño de goma
para o osiño de goma
06:18
(Laughter)
136
366708
1399
(Risos)
06:23
so he can submit all the needed
Fizzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans
Fizzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans
137
371485
3225
para que el poida enviar todas as
botellas de cola efervescente e caramelos de froita
botellas de cola efervescente e caramelos de froita
06:26
to the Creme Egg,
138
374734
1153
ao ovo de chocolate
06:29
for the Peanut M&Ms process to start.
139
377791
2303
para que o proceso M&M
de cacahuete comece.
de cacahuete comece.
06:32
(Laughter)
140
380118
1379
(Risos)
06:33
Send 1,500 pounds
141
381940
2129
Envía 1.500 libras
06:36
via a Giant Gummy Lizard."
142
384093
2389
a través dun lagarto xigante de goma."
06:38
(Applause)
143
386506
6769
(Aplauso)
06:49
And that was so much fun, right,
144
397392
2405
E iso foi tan divertido
06:51
that it got me thinking:
145
399821
1350
que me fixo pensar:
06:53
like, what would happen if I just spent
as much time as could
as much time as could
146
401195
2911
que ocorrería se eu gastase
o maior tempo posible
o maior tempo posible
06:56
replying to as many
scam emails as I could?
scam emails as I could?
147
404130
2094
contestando tantos
correos lixo como puider?
correos lixo como puider?
07:00
And that's what I've been doing
148
408145
2976
E iso é o que estiven facendo
07:03
for three years
149
411145
2100
durante tres anos
07:05
on your behalf.
150
413269
1281
no voso beneficio.
07:06
(Laughter)
151
414574
2395
(Risos)
07:08
(Applause)
152
416993
2319
(Aplauso)
07:12
Crazy stuff happens when you start
replying to scam emails.
replying to scam emails.
153
420079
2871
Pasan cousas tolas cando comezas
a contestar correos fraudulentos.
a contestar correos fraudulentos.
07:14
It's really difficult,
154
422974
1151
É moi difícil,
07:16
and I highly recommend we do it.
155
424149
1578
e eu recomendo moito que o fagamos.
07:17
I don't think what I'm doing is mean.
156
425751
1841
Non creo que o que fago sexa malo.
07:19
There are a lot of people
who do mean things to scammers.
who do mean things to scammers.
157
427616
2752
Hai moita xente que lles fai
cousas malas aos estafadores.
cousas malas aos estafadores.
07:22
All I'm doing is wasting their time.
158
430392
3587
Todo o que eu fago é facerlles
perder o tempo.
perder o tempo.
07:26
And I think any time
they're spending with me
they're spending with me
159
434894
2159
E penso que todo o tempo
que perdan comigo
que perdan comigo
07:29
is time they're not spending
scamming vulnerable adults
scamming vulnerable adults
160
437077
2597
é tempo que non gastan
estafando adultos vulnerables
estafando adultos vulnerables
07:31
out of their savings, right?
161
439698
1373
para deixalos sen aforros, non?
07:33
And if you're going to do this --
and I highly recommend you do --
and I highly recommend you do --
162
441584
3563
E se ti vas facer isto,
e eu recoméndoo moito,
e eu recoméndoo moito,
07:37
get yourself a pseudonymous email address.
163
445171
2011
consigue un enderezo de correo
cun pseudónimo.
cun pseudónimo.
07:39
Don't use your own email address.
164
447206
1604
Non uses o teu propio
enderezo de correo.
enderezo de correo.
07:40
That's what I was doing at the start
and it was a nightmare.
and it was a nightmare.
165
448834
2854
Iso é o que eu fixen ao comezo
e foi un pesadelo.
e foi un pesadelo.
Espertaba pola mañá e
tiña miles de correos
tiña miles de correos
07:43
I'd wake up in the morning
and have a thousand emails
and have a thousand emails
166
451712
2556
sobre alongamentos de pene,
07:46
about penis enlargements,
167
454292
1207
só un deles era unha resposta lexítima
07:47
only one of which
was a legitimate response --
was a legitimate response --
168
455523
2197
07:49
(Laughter)
169
457744
2096
(Risos)
a unha pregunta médica que eu tiña.
07:51
to a medical question I had.
170
459864
1342
07:53
But I'll tell you what, though, guys,
171
461230
1769
Pero teño que dicirvos, xente,
07:55
I'll tell you what: any day is a good day,
any day is a good day
any day is a good day
172
463023
3001
teño que dicirvos que calquera día é
un bo día, calquera día é un bo día
un bo día, calquera día é un bo día
07:58
if you receive an email
that begins like this:
that begins like this:
173
466048
2421
se recibides un correo
que comeza así:
que comeza así:
08:01
(Laughter)
174
469558
2814
(Risos)
08:04
"I AM WINNIE MANDELA,
175
472396
1793
"SON WINNIE MANDELA,
08:07
THE SECOND WIFE OF NELSON MANDELA
THE FORMER SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT."
THE FORMER SOUTH AFRICAN PRESIDENT."
176
475094
3294
A SEGUNDA ESPOSA DE NELSON MANDELA
O EX PRESIDENTE DE ÁFRICA DO SUR."
O EX PRESIDENTE DE ÁFRICA DO SUR."
08:10
I was like, oh! -- that Winnie Mandela.
177
478412
1903
E eu, oh! Esa Winnie Mandela.
08:12
(Laughter)
178
480339
1081
(Risos)
08:13
I know so many.
179
481444
1150
Coñezo tantas.
08:15
"I NEED TO TRANSFER 45 MILLION DOLLARS
OUT OF THE COUNTRY
OUT OF THE COUNTRY
180
483546
3056
"PRECISO TRANSFERIR 45 MILLÓNS
DE DÓLARES FÓRA DO PAÍS
DE DÓLARES FÓRA DO PAÍS
08:18
BECAUSE OF MY HUSBAND
NELSON MANDELA'S HEALTH CONDITION."
NELSON MANDELA'S HEALTH CONDITION."
181
486626
2770
A CAUSA DO ESTADO DE SAÚDE
DO MEU MARIDO, NELSON MANDELA."
DO MEU MARIDO, NELSON MANDELA."
08:21
Let that sink in.
182
489420
1159
Pensade nisto.
08:23
She sent me this, which is hysterical.
183
491864
2640
Ela mandoume isto, que é graciosísimo.
08:26
(Laughter)
184
494528
2947
(Risos)
08:29
And this.
185
497499
1159
E isto.
08:30
And this looks fairly legitimate,
this is a letter of authorization.
this is a letter of authorization.
186
498682
3199
E isto parece bastante lexítimo,
é unha carta de autorización.
é unha carta de autorización.
08:33
But to be honest, if there's nothing
written on it, it's just a shape!
written on it, it's just a shape!
187
501905
3389
pero para ser sincero, se non hai nada
escrito, é só unha forma!
escrito, é só unha forma!
08:37
(Laughter)
188
505318
1853
(Risos)
08:39
I said, "Winnie,
I'm really sorry to hear of this.
I'm really sorry to hear of this.
189
507651
2342
Dixen "Winnie, sinto moito oír isto
08:42
Given that Nelson died three months ago,
190
510017
1993
dado que Nelson morreu hai tres meses.
Eu diría que o seu estado de saúde
é bastante serio."
é bastante serio."
08:44
I'd describe his health condition
as fairly serious."
as fairly serious."
191
512034
2586
08:46
(Laughter)
192
514644
2814
(Risos)
08:49
That's the worst health condition
you can have, not being alive.
you can have, not being alive.
193
517482
3519
Ese é o peor estado de saúde que
podes ter, non estar vivo.
podes ter, non estar vivo.
08:55
She said, "KINDLY COMPLY
WITH MY BANKERS INSTRUCTIONS.
WITH MY BANKERS INSTRUCTIONS.
194
523373
2771
Ela dixo "POR FAVOR CUMPRA COAS
INSTRUCIÓNS DO MEU BANQUEIRO.
INSTRUCIÓNS DO MEU BANQUEIRO.
08:58
ONE LOVE."
195
526168
1158
UN AMOR."
08:59
(Laughter)
196
527350
1952
(Risos)
09:02
I said, "Of course. NO WOMAN, NO CRY."
197
530325
1818
Eu dixen "Claro. NON, MULLER,
NON CHORES."
NON CHORES."
09:04
(Laughter)
198
532167
3504
(Risos)
09:07
(Applause)
199
535695
3496
(Aplausos)
09:12
She said, "MY BANKER WILL NEED
TRANSFER OF 3000 DOLLARS. ONE LOVE."
TRANSFER OF 3000 DOLLARS. ONE LOVE."
200
540701
3151
Ela dixo "O MEU BANQUEIRO PRECISARÁ
UNHA TRANSFERENCIA DE 3000
DÓLARES. UN AMOR."
UNHA TRANSFERENCIA DE 3000
DÓLARES. UN AMOR."
09:15
(Laughter)
201
543876
2134
(Risos)
09:20
I said, "no problemo.
202
548010
1969
Dixen "Non hai problema.
09:24
I SHOT THE SHERIFF."
203
552422
1271
DISPAREILLE AO SHERIF."
09:29
[ (BUT I DID NOT SHOOT THE DEPUTY) ]
204
557813
1880
[(MAIS NON AO AXUDANTE)]
09:31
(Laughter)
205
559717
1025
(Risos)
09:32
Thank you.
206
560766
1152
Grazas
09:33
(Applause)
207
561942
13263
(Aplausos)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
James Veitch - Comedian and writerFor James Veitch, a British writer and comedian with a mischievous side, spam emails proved the perfect opening to have some fun, playing the scammers at their own game.
Why you should listen
Packed full of Nigerian princes, can't miss investment opportunities and eligible Russian brides, James Veitch's correspondence with email spammers leads to surprising, bizarre and usually hilarious results. Out of this experiment came his first book, Dot Con. In 2014, his first solo comedy show The Fundamental Interconnectedness of Everyone with an Internet Connection, premiered at the Edinburgh Fringe to wide acclaim. His second show, Genius Bar, focussed on his time working for Apple, chronicles his attempts to fix his relationship using the same troubleshooting techniques he’d been using to fix iMacs, iPhones and iPods. He is currently writing his third show and preparing to tour the UK.
He lives in London with his full body pillow.
James Veitch | Speaker | TED.com