TEDxBrisbane
George Blair-West: 3 ways to build a happy marriage and avoid divorce
Džordž Bler-Vest (George Blair-West): Tri načina da izgradite srećan brak i sprečite razvod
Filmed:
Readability: 3.9
3,158,765 views
Odluka da se venčate i podelite svoj život sa nekim je jedna od najvažnijih odluka koje možete doneti u životu. Pošto stopa razvoda raste na pedeset posto u nekim delovima sveta, očigledno nam treba neka pomoć u izboru partnera. U primenjivom govoru koji otvara oči, psihijatar Džordž Bler-Vest bavi se glavnim razlozima koji mogu sprečiti razvod - i uočavanjem potencijalnih problema dok se još zabavljamo.
George Blair-West - Psychiatrist
Dr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry. Full bio
Dr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
Almost 50 years ago,
0
3306
2450
Pre skoro 50 godina,
00:17
psychiatrists Richard Rahe
and Thomas Holmes developed an inventory
and Thomas Holmes developed an inventory
1
5780
4726
psihijatri Ričard Rahe i Tomas Holms
sastavili su spisak
sastavili su spisak
00:22
of the most distressing
human experiences that we could have.
human experiences that we could have.
2
10530
5086
najstresnijih ljudskih iskustava
koje možemo doživeti.
koje možemo doživeti.
00:28
Number one on the list? Death of a spouse.
3
16835
3450
Broj jedan na listi? Smrt supružnika.
00:32
Number two, divorce.
Three, marital separation.
Three, marital separation.
4
20309
2667
Broj dva, razvod.
Tri, rastanak od partnera.
Tri, rastanak od partnera.
00:35
Now, generally, but not always,
5
23506
3170
E sad, generalno, ali ne uvek,
00:38
for those three to occur, we need
what comes in number seven on the list,
what comes in number seven on the list,
6
26700
4085
da bi se ove tri stvari desile,
treba nam broj sedam na listi,
treba nam broj sedam na listi,
00:42
which is marriage.
7
30809
1472
a to je brak.
00:44
(Laughter)
8
32305
2092
(Smeh)
00:46
Fourth on the list is imprisonment
in an institution.
in an institution.
9
34421
5157
Četvrto na listi je zatvaranje u ustanovu.
00:51
Now, some say number seven
has been counted twice.
has been counted twice.
10
39955
2782
E sad, neki kažu da je
broj sedam stavljen dva puta.
broj sedam stavljen dva puta.
00:54
(Laughter)
11
42761
2652
(Smeh)
00:58
I don't believe that.
12
46356
1507
Ja u to ne verujem.
01:00
When the life stress inventory was built,
13
48845
2730
Kada je spisak
stresnih situacija sastavljen,
stresnih situacija sastavljen,
01:04
back then, a long-term relationship
pretty much equated to a marriage.
pretty much equated to a marriage.
14
52361
6065
dugoročna veza se izjednačavala sa brakom.
01:10
Not so now.
15
58450
1156
Ali ne i sada.
01:11
So for the purposes of this talk,
I'm going to be including
I'm going to be including
16
59630
3345
Za potrebe ovog govora, tu ću uključiti
01:16
de facto relationships,
common-law marriages
common-law marriages
17
64282
2088
de fakto veze, vanbračne zajednice
01:18
and same-sex marriages,
18
66394
2734
i istopolne brakove,
01:21
or same-sex relationships
soon hopefully to become marriages.
soon hopefully to become marriages.
19
69152
4110
ili istopolne veze koje će
uskoro postati brakovi.
uskoro postati brakovi.
01:26
And I can say from my work
with same-sex couples,
with same-sex couples,
20
74432
2367
Iz iskustva u radu sa istopolnim parovima,
01:28
the principles I'm about
to talk about are no different.
to talk about are no different.
21
76823
3157
mogu da kažem da se principi
o kojima ću govoriti ne razlikuju.
o kojima ću govoriti ne razlikuju.
01:32
They're the same across all relationships.
22
80004
2720
Isti su u svim vezama.
01:35
So in a modern society,
23
83635
2590
U modernom društvu,
01:38
we know that prevention
is better than cure.
is better than cure.
24
86249
3876
bolje je sprečiti nego lečiti.
01:42
We vaccinate against polio, diphtheria,
tetanus, whooping cough, measles.
tetanus, whooping cough, measles.
25
90149
5187
Vakcinišemo protiv dečije paralize,
difterije, tetanusa,
velikog kašlja, boginja.
velikog kašlja, boginja.
01:47
We have awareness campaigns
for melanoma, stroke, diabetes --
for melanoma, stroke, diabetes --
26
95360
4219
Imamo kampanje za melanom,
infarkt, dijabetes -
infarkt, dijabetes -
01:51
all important campaigns.
27
99603
2451
sve su to važnje kampanje.
01:54
But none of those conditions come close
28
102660
2955
Ali, ništa od ovoga
01:58
to affecting 45 percent of us.
29
106743
3097
ne pogađa 45 posto ljudi.
02:02
Forty-five percent: that's
our current divorce rate.
our current divorce rate.
30
110860
3084
Četrdeset pet: to je
trenutna stopa razvoda.
trenutna stopa razvoda.
02:06
Why no prevention campaign for divorce?
31
114616
3816
Zašto nema preventivne kampanje za razvod?
02:11
Well, I think it's because
our policymakers don't believe
our policymakers don't believe
32
119312
5936
Pa, valjda zato što naši zakonodavci misle
02:17
that things like attraction
and the way relationships are built
and the way relationships are built
33
125272
4825
da stvari kao što su privlačnost
i način na koji se grade veze
i način na koji se grade veze
02:22
is changeable or educable.
34
130121
2210
ne mogu da se promene ili poduče.
02:25
Why?
35
133262
1345
Zašto?
02:27
Well, our policymakers currently
are Generation X.
are Generation X.
36
135204
3994
Pa, naši zakonodavci
su trenutno generacija X.
su trenutno generacija X.
02:31
They're in their 30s to 50s.
37
139658
2659
Oni imaju od 30 do 50 godina.
02:34
And when I'm talking to these guys
about these issues,
about these issues,
38
142931
3558
I kada im pričam o ovim problemima,
02:38
I see their eyes glaze over,
39
146513
1989
pogled im se zamuti,
02:40
and I can see them thinking,
40
148526
2243
i vidim da razmišljaju:
02:42
"Doesn't this crazy psychiatrist get it?
41
150793
2896
„Zar ovaj ludi psihijatar ne shvata?
02:45
You can't control the way in which
people attract other people
people attract other people
42
153713
3840
Ne možete kontrolisati način
na koji se ljudi međusobno privlače
na koji se ljudi međusobno privlače
02:49
and build relationships."
43
157577
1850
i grade veze“.
02:52
Not so, our dear millennials.
44
160359
2326
Ali, ne i naši dragi milenijalci.
02:55
This is the most information-connected,
analytical and skeptical generation,
analytical and skeptical generation,
45
163594
5893
Ovo je najinformisanija, najanalitičnija
i najskeptičnija generacija,
i najskeptičnija generacija,
03:01
making the most informed decisions
of any generation before them.
of any generation before them.
46
169511
4988
koja donosi najpromišljenije odluke
od svih generacija pre njih.
od svih generacija pre njih.
03:06
And when I talk to millennials,
I get a very different reaction.
I get a very different reaction.
47
174523
3252
I kada razgovaram sa milenijalcima,
dobijem skroz drugačiju reakciju.
dobijem skroz drugačiju reakciju.
03:10
They actually want to hear about this.
48
178389
1856
Oni zapravo žele da slušaju o ovome.
03:12
They want to know about how do we
have relationships that last?
have relationships that last?
49
180269
4839
Žele da znaju kako imamo veze koje traju.
03:18
So for those of you who want to embrace
the post- "romantic destiny" era with me,
the post- "romantic destiny" era with me,
50
186278
5044
Za one koji žele da prihvate eru
post- „romantične sudbine“ sa mnom,
post- „romantične sudbine“ sa mnom,
03:23
let me talk about my three life hacks
for preventing divorce.
for preventing divorce.
51
191346
4986
izneću vam svoja tri trika
za sprečavanje razvoda.
za sprečavanje razvoda.
03:28
Now, we can intervene
to prevent divorce at two points:
to prevent divorce at two points:
52
196356
4220
Оvako, razvod možemo
sprečiti u dva trenutka:
sprečiti u dva trenutka:
03:32
later, once the cracks begin to appear
in an established relationship;
in an established relationship;
53
200600
4692
kasnije, kada se pojave problemi
u već uspostavljenoj vezi;
u već uspostavljenoj vezi;
03:37
or earlier, before we commit,
before we have children.
before we have children.
54
205316
4935
ili ranije, pre nego što se obavežemo,
pre nego što dobijemo decu.
pre nego što dobijemo decu.
03:42
And that's where I'm going to take us now.
55
210275
2957
A tamo ću vas ja sada povesti.
03:46
So my first life hack:
56
214128
1738
Moj prvi trik:
03:48
millennials spend seven-plus hours
on their devices a day.
on their devices a day.
57
216919
4655
milenijalci dnevno provode više
od sedam sati na svojim uređajima.
od sedam sati na svojim uređajima.
03:54
That's American data.
58
222116
1288
To su američki podaci.
03:56
And some say, probably not unreasonably,
59
224056
2345
A neki kažu, i verovatno ne bez razloga,
03:58
this has probably affected
their face-to-face relationships.
their face-to-face relationships.
60
226425
4174
da je to, po svoj prilici, uticalo
na njihove veze u stvarnosti.
na njihove veze u stvarnosti.
04:03
Indeed, and add to that
the hookup culture,
the hookup culture,
61
231139
3715
Dodajte tome i kulturu seksa bez obaveza
04:06
ergo apps like Tinder,
62
234878
1943
to jest, aplikacije kao što je Tinder,
04:08
and it's no great surprise that
the 20-somethings that I work with
the 20-somethings that I work with
63
236845
3539
pa i nije iznenađujuće da mi
20-godišnjaci sa kojima radim
20-godišnjaci sa kojima radim
04:12
will often talk to me about
how it is often easier for them
how it is often easier for them
64
240408
3897
često pričaju koliko im je uglavnom lakše
04:16
to have sex with somebody that they've met
65
244329
2561
da imaju seksualni odnos
sa nekim koga su upoznali
sa nekim koga su upoznali
04:18
than have a meaningful conversation.
66
246914
2240
nego da vode smisleni razgovor.
04:21
Now, some say this is a bad thing.
67
249628
2427
E sad, neki kažu da je to loše.
04:24
I say this is a really good thing.
68
252928
2577
Ja kažem da je to stvarno dobro.
04:28
It's a particularly good thing
69
256980
2046
Posebno je dobro
04:31
to be having sex outside
of the institution of marriage.
of the institution of marriage.
70
259050
4206
imati seksulane odnose
izvan institucije braka.
izvan institucije braka.
04:35
Now, before you go out
and get all moral on me,
and get all moral on me,
71
263280
2906
I pre nego što počnete da mi morališete,
04:38
remember that Generation X,
in the American Public Report,
in the American Public Report,
72
266210
3904
setite se generacije X, u kojoj je,
prema Američkom javnom izveštaju
prema Američkom javnom izveštaju
04:42
they found that 91 percent of women
73
270138
3403
91 posto žena upražnjavalo
04:45
had had premarital sex by the age of 30.
74
273565
2712
predbračne seksualne odnose do 30. godine.
04:48
Ninety-one percent.
75
276301
1768
Devedeset jedan posto.
04:51
It's a particularly good thing that
these relationships are happening later.
these relationships are happening later.
76
279383
4493
Posebno je dobro što se
ove veze dešavaju kasnije.
ove veze dešavaju kasnije.
04:56
See, boomers in the '60s --
77
284358
2317
Vidite, u „bebi-bum“ generaciji 60-ih
04:59
they were getting married
at an average age for women of 20
at an average age for women of 20
78
287921
3285
žene su se venčavale
u proseku sa 20 godina
u proseku sa 20 godina
05:03
and 23 for men.
79
291230
1910
a muškarci sa 23 godine.
05:05
2015 in Australia?
80
293629
2132
U Australiji 2015. godine?
05:07
That is now 30 for women and 32 for men.
81
295785
4932
Žene sa 30 a muškarci sa 32.
05:13
That's a good thing, because
the older you are when you get married,
the older you are when you get married,
82
301759
5533
To je dobro, jer što ste stariji
kada se venčavate,
kada se venčavate,
05:19
the lower your divorce rate.
83
307316
1696
manje su šanse za razvod.
05:21
Why?
84
309036
1168
Zašto?
05:22
Why is it helpful to get married later?
85
310228
2487
Zašto je bolje da se venčate kasnije?
05:24
Three reasons.
86
312739
1169
Iz tri razloga.
05:25
Firstly, getting married later allows
the other two preventers of divorce
the other two preventers of divorce
87
313932
4694
Prvo, kada se venčate kasnije,
druge prepreke za razvod
druge prepreke za razvod
05:30
to come into play.
88
318650
1231
stupaju na scenu.
05:31
They are tertiary education
89
319905
2270
To su visoko obrazovanje
05:34
and a higher income, which tends
to go with tertiary education.
to go with tertiary education.
90
322952
3054
i viši prihodi, koji uglavnom idu
uz visoko obrazovanje.
uz visoko obrazovanje.
05:38
So these three factors all
kind of get mixed up together.
kind of get mixed up together.
91
326030
3208
Tako da se ova tri faktora
nekako pomešaju.
nekako pomešaju.
05:41
Number two,
92
329262
1277
Drugo,
05:42
neuroplasticity research tell us
93
330563
2362
istraživanja neuroplasticiteta kažu
05:44
that the human brain is still growing
until at least the age of 25.
until at least the age of 25.
94
332949
6234
da ljudski mozak i dalje raste
bar do 25. godine.
bar do 25. godine.
05:51
So that means how you're thinking
and what you're thinking
and what you're thinking
95
339207
2802
To znači da se način razmišljanja
05:54
is still changing up until 25.
96
342033
2326
i dalje menja do 25. godine.
05:57
And thirdly, and most importantly
to my mind, is personality.
to my mind, is personality.
97
345034
3845
I treće, i po mom mišljenju,
najvažnije, je ličnost.
najvažnije, je ličnost.
06:00
Your personality at the age of 20
98
348903
2309
Tvoja ličnost sa 20 godina
06:03
does not correlate with
your personality at the age of 50.
your personality at the age of 50.
99
351236
3744
ne odgovara tvojoj ličnosti sa 50.
06:07
But your personality at the age of 30
100
355004
2541
Ali tvoja ličnost sa 30 godina
06:09
does correlate with
your personality at the age of 50.
your personality at the age of 50.
101
357569
3416
odgovara tvojoj ličnosti sa 50.
06:13
So when I ask somebody
who got married young why they broke up,
who got married young why they broke up,
102
361009
3021
Zato, kada pitam nekoga
ko se venčao mlad zašto su se rastali,
ko se venčao mlad zašto su se rastali,
06:16
and they say, "We grew apart,"
103
364054
1480
pa kažu: „Jer smo se udaljili“,
06:18
they're being surprisingly accurate,
104
366629
1754
oni su iznenađujuće u pravu,
06:20
because the 20s is a decade
of rapid change and maturation.
of rapid change and maturation.
105
368407
4404
jer su dvadesete godine vreme
brzih promena i sazrevanja.
brzih promena i sazrevanja.
06:25
So the first thing you want to get
before you get married is older.
before you get married is older.
106
373197
5752
Tako da, pre nego što se venčate,
prvo treba da ostarite.
prvo treba da ostarite.
06:30
(Laughter)
107
378973
2089
(Smeh)
06:34
Number two,
108
382218
1199
Broj dva,
06:35
John Gottman, psychologist
and relationship researcher,
and relationship researcher,
109
383998
4208
Džon Gotman, psiholog i istraživač odnosa,
06:40
can tell us many factors that correlate
with a happy, successful marriage.
with a happy, successful marriage.
110
388230
5176
nam može reći koji faktori utiču
na srećan, uspešan brak.
na srećan, uspešan brak.
06:46
But the one that I want to talk about
111
394853
1958
Ali onaj o kojem ja želim da govorim
06:48
is a big one:
112
396835
1232
je jako važan:
06:50
81 percent of marriages implode,
self-destruct, if this problem is present.
self-destruct, if this problem is present.
113
398091
6282
81 procenat brakova implodira,
razori se, ako se pojavi ovaj problem.
razori se, ako se pojavi ovaj problem.
06:56
And the second reason why I want
to talk about it here
to talk about it here
114
404397
2756
A drugi razlog zašto hoću ovde
o tome da govorim je
o tome da govorim je
06:59
is because it's something
you can evaluate while you're dating.
you can evaluate while you're dating.
115
407177
3894
taj što je to nešto što možete
proceniti dok se zabavljate.
proceniti dok se zabavljate.
07:03
Gottman found that the relationships
that were the most stable and happy
that were the most stable and happy
116
411095
5874
Gotman je otkrio da su
najstabilnije i najsrećnije veze
najstabilnije i najsrećnije veze
07:08
over the longer term
117
416993
1202
na duže staze
07:10
were relationships in which
the couple shared power.
the couple shared power.
118
418219
3425
one u kojima par deli moć.
07:14
They were influenceable:
119
422531
1954
Na njih se utiče:
07:18
big decisions, like buying a house,
overseas trips, buying a car,
overseas trips, buying a car,
120
426854
4223
važne odluke, kao što su kupovina kuće,
prekookeanska putovanja, kupovina auta,
prekookeanska putovanja, kupovina auta,
07:23
having children.
121
431101
1421
dobijanje dece.
07:24
But when Gottman
drilled down on this data,
drilled down on this data,
122
432959
2859
Ali, kada je Gotman
dublje istražio ove podatke,
dublje istražio ove podatke,
07:27
what he found was that women
were generally pretty influenceable.
were generally pretty influenceable.
123
435842
5335
saznao je da se na žene
generalno prilično može uticati.
generalno prilično može uticati.
07:33
Guess where the problem lay?
124
441639
2129
Pogodite u čemu je problem?
07:35
(Laughter)
125
443792
1023
(Smeh)
07:36
Yeah, there's only
two options here, isn't there?
two options here, isn't there?
126
444839
2427
Postoje samo dve opcije, zar ne?
07:39
Yeah, we men were to blame.
127
447290
1696
Pa da, mi muškarci smo krivi.
07:42
The other thing that Gottman found
128
450497
1730
Druga stvar koju je Gotman saznao
07:44
is that men who are influenceable
129
452251
4211
je da su muškarci na koje se može uticati
07:48
also tended to be "outstanding fathers."
130
456486
4418
takođe uglavnom "sjajni očevi“.
07:53
So women: How influenceable is your man?
131
461323
4887
Žene: koliko su vaši muškarci
podložni uticaju?
podložni uticaju?
07:58
Men:
132
466987
1185
Muškarci:
08:03
you're with her because you respect her.
133
471038
2085
vi ste sa njom jer je poštujete.
08:07
Make sure that respect plays out
in the decision-making process.
in the decision-making process.
134
475396
3631
Pobrinite se da to poštovanje
odigra ulogu u donošenju odluka.
odigra ulogu u donošenju odluka.
08:14
Number three.
135
482445
1736
Broj tri.
08:19
I'm often intrigued by
why couples come in to see me
why couples come in to see me
136
487213
3328
Često me intrigira
zašto me parovi posećuju
zašto me parovi posećuju
08:23
after they've been married
for 30 or 40 years.
for 30 or 40 years.
137
491712
2696
nakon što su u braku 30 ili 40 godina.
08:26
This is a time when they're approaching
the infirmities and illness of old age.
the infirmities and illness of old age.
138
494432
4943
Ovo je doba kada se oni bliže
nemoći i bolesti starog doba.
nemoći i bolesti starog doba.
08:31
It's a time when they're particularly
focused on caring for each other.
focused on caring for each other.
139
499399
4676
Doba kada su posebno fokusirani
na brigu jedno o drugom.
na brigu jedno o drugom.
08:37
They'll forgive things
that have bugged them for years.
that have bugged them for years.
140
505376
2668
Oprostiće stvari koje ih muče godinama.
08:40
They'll forgive all betrayals,
even infidelities,
even infidelities,
141
508068
3571
Oprostiće sve izdaje, čak i neverstva,
08:43
because they're focused
on caring for each other.
on caring for each other.
142
511663
2361
jer su fokusirani na brigu jedno o drugom.
08:46
So what pulls them apart?
143
514048
1626
Pa šta ih onda razdvaja?
08:47
The best word I have
for this is reliability,
for this is reliability,
144
515698
2748
Najbolji termin koji imam
za to je pouzdanost,
za to je pouzdanost,
08:50
or the lack thereof.
145
518470
1459
ili njen nedostatak.
08:52
Does your partner have your back?
146
520563
1871
Da li vam partner čuva leđa?
08:54
It takes two forms.
147
522458
1267
To ima dva oblika.
08:55
Firstly, can you rely on your partner
to do what they say they're going to do?
to do what they say they're going to do?
148
523749
5756
Prvo, da li se možete osloniti na partnera
da će uraditi ono što kaže?
da će uraditi ono što kaže?
09:01
Do they follow through?
149
529529
1527
Da li istraje?
09:03
Secondly,
150
531706
1224
Drugo,
09:06
if, for example,
151
534356
1691
ako, na primer,
09:08
you're out and you're being
verbally attacked by somebody,
verbally attacked by somebody,
152
536071
2806
izađete i neko vas verbalno napadne,
09:10
or you're suffering from
a really disabling illness,
a really disabling illness,
153
538901
5122
ili ako patite od veoma teške bolesti,
09:16
does your partner step up
and do what needs to be done
and do what needs to be done
154
544047
3876
da li se vaš partner zauzme za vas
i uradi sve što je potrebno
i uradi sve što je potrebno
09:19
to leave you feeling
cared for and protected?
cared for and protected?
155
547947
2733
kako biste se osećali
zbrinuto i zaštićeno?
zbrinuto i zaštićeno?
09:23
And here's the rub:
156
551497
1760
Evo u čemu je problem:
09:25
if you're facing old age,
157
553281
1925
ako se bližite starom dobu,
09:27
and your partner
isn't doing that for you --
isn't doing that for you --
158
555230
2383
a vaš partner ne radi to za vas -
09:29
in fact, you're having
to do that for them --
to do that for them --
159
557637
2179
zapravo, vi to treba da uradite za njega -
09:32
then in an already-fragile relationship,
160
560523
3195
onda, ako ste u već krhkoj vezi,
09:35
it can look a bit like you might
be better off out of it rather than in it.
be better off out of it rather than in it.
161
563742
4938
bi vam možda bilo bolje
van nje nego u njoj.
van nje nego u njoj.
09:41
So is your partner there for you
when it really matters?
when it really matters?
162
569834
6061
Pa, da li je vaš partner tu za vas
kada je stvarno važno?
kada je stvarno važno?
09:49
Not all the time, 80 percent of the time,
163
577141
2476
Ne stalno, u 80 posto slučajeva,
09:51
but particularly if it's important to you.
164
579641
2246
ali posebno ako je važno vama.
09:55
On your side, think carefully before you
commit to do something for your partner.
commit to do something for your partner.
165
583821
5609
Pažljivo razmislite pre nego što
se obavežete da uradite nešto za partnera.
se obavežete da uradite nešto za partnera.
10:01
It is much better to commit to
as much as you can follow through
as much as you can follow through
166
589454
4463
Mnogo je bolje da se obavežete
onoliko koliko možete da ispunite
onoliko koliko možete da ispunite
10:05
than to commit to more
sound-good-in-the-moment
sound-good-in-the-moment
167
593941
2790
nego da se obavežete jer tako treba
10:08
and then let them down.
168
596755
1517
pa da ga onda izneverite.
10:14
And if it's really important
to your partner, and you commit to it,
to your partner, and you commit to it,
169
602244
4002
A ako je stvarno važno partneru,
i vi se obavežete,
i vi se obavežete,
10:18
make sure you move hell
and high water to follow through.
and high water to follow through.
170
606270
3071
pobrinite se da pomerite
nebo i zemlju da u tome istrajete.
nebo i zemlju da u tome istrajete.
10:21
Now, these are things
that I'm saying you can look for.
that I'm saying you can look for.
171
609938
2685
Ovo su stvari koje mislim
da treba da tražite.
da treba da tražite.
10:24
Don't worry, these are also
things that can be built
things that can be built
172
612647
2926
Ne brinite, to su i stvari
koje se mogu izgraditi
koje se mogu izgraditi
10:27
in existing relationships.
173
615597
1891
u postojećoj vezi.
10:32
I believe that the most important decision
174
620282
3434
Verujem da je najvažnija odluka
10:37
that you can make
175
625234
1554
koju možete doneti
10:38
is who you choose as a life partner,
176
626812
2699
ona o izboru životnog partnera,
10:43
who you choose as
the other parent of your children.
the other parent of your children.
177
631068
2921
ona o izboru roditelja vaše dece.
10:47
And of course, romance has to be there.
178
635137
1870
Naravno, tu mora biti romantike.
10:49
Romance is a grand and beautiful
and quirky thing.
and quirky thing.
179
637031
4195
Romantika je uzvišena, prelepa
i neobična stvar.
i neobična stvar.
10:54
But we need to add
to a romantic, loving heart
to a romantic, loving heart
180
642001
5417
Ali, romantičnom, nežnom srcu treba dodati
10:59
an informed, thoughtful mind,
181
647442
4146
promišljeni, oprezni um,
11:03
as we make the most important
decision of our life.
decision of our life.
182
651612
2985
kada donosimo najvažniju životnu odluku.
11:06
Thank you.
183
654621
1192
Hvala vam.
11:07
(Applause)
184
655837
3738
(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
George Blair-West - PsychiatristDr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry.
Why you should listen
Dr. George Blair-West specializes in psychiatry in private practice in Brisbane, Australia. He sub-specializes in trauma and relationship/sex therapy. His abiding interest is distilling the latest psychotherapeutic research, honing these insights for impactful delivery through his clinical work, and then sharing them with the greater population.
In the 1990s, as a Senior Lecturer at the University of Queensland, Blair-West published widely on suicide and depression. Needing to lose weight himself, he then turned his focus to the overlooked research into the psychological forces that prevent weight loss. The bestselling book Weight Loss for Food Lovers: Understanding Our Minds and Why We Sabotage Our Weight Loss (translated into Dutch and Chinese) along with related research papers resulted in keynote addresses, a regular spot on the Australian breakfast show Today and media appearances around the world. A children's book on teaching healthy eating habits followed, and in 2010 Blair-West was named one of the "top 20 most influential obesity experts in the world."
Blair-West's 2013 novel The Way of The Quest received three international awards and was about the "how to" of finding one's meaning and purpose in life while building healthy relationships.
Helping people make sense of relationships is Blair-West's most important work. Drawing on his 25 years as a relationship therapist, he is currently writing his fourth book, How to Make the Biggest Decision of Your Life with his daughter Jiveny Blair-West, a dating coach. He and his wife Penny, a psychologist, celebrated 30 years of marriage in 2018.
George Blair-West | Speaker | TED.com