TEDMED 2016
Lucy Kalanithi: What makes life worth living in the face of death
Lucy Kalanithi: 在死亡面前，生活如何有意义
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Lucy Kalanithi 在这次动人的演讲中，探讨了生命的意义，分享了她和亡夫的故事。Paul，一位年轻的神经科医生，在诊断出末期癌症之后转向写作。“拥抱生命带给我们的所有体验——生与死，爱与失去——是我们必然要经历的，”Lucy Kalanithi说。“生而为人，并不是无视苦难，而是接受并与之共存。”
Lucy Kalanithi - Caregiver
Lucy Kalanithi is dedicated to helping others choose the health care and end-of-life experiences that best align with their values. Full bio
Lucy Kalanithi is dedicated to helping others choose the health care and end-of-life experiences that best align with their values. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
A few days after my husband Paul
was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer,
was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer,
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就在我的丈夫Paul被确诊为
肺癌晚期的几天后,
肺癌晚期的几天后,
00:19
we were lying in our bed at home,
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我们躺在卧室里,
Paul说,
00:21
and Paul said,
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"一切都会变好的。"
00:23
"It's going to be OK."
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00:26
And I remember answering back,
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我记得我回答说,
00:28
"Yes.
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"是的。"
"我们只是还不知道变好的意思."
00:29
We just don't know what OK means yet."
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00:35
Paul and I had met as first-year
medical students at Yale.
medical students at Yale.
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我跟Paul是在耶鲁医学院
读第一年时认识的。
读第一年时认识的。
00:38
He was smart and kind and super funny.
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他聪明、友善、超级有幽默感。
00:42
He used to keep a gorilla suit
in the trunk of his car,
in the trunk of his car,
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他常年在车里的后备箱
放着一件大猩猩服，
放着一件大猩猩服，
他说，“以备不时之需。”
00:46
and he'd say, "It's for emergencies only."
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（笑声）
00:49
(Laughter)
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00:51
I fell in love with Paul as I watched
the care he took with his patients.
the care he took with his patients.
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我在目睹了他细心照顾他的患者
之后便爱上了他。
之后便爱上了他。
00:55
He stayed late talking with them,
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他跟患者可以聊到很晚，
00:57
seeking to understand
the experience of illness
the experience of illness
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希望能够理解疾病带来的感触，
01:01
and not just its technicalities.
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而不仅仅是技术层面的细节。
01:04
He later told me he fell in love with me
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他后来告诉我，从他看到我面对着
一份停止跳动的
心电图哭泣那刻就爱上我了。
心电图哭泣那刻就爱上我了。
01:06
when he saw me cry over an EKG
of a heart that had ceased beating.
of a heart that had ceased beating.
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01:13
We didn't know it yet,
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我们那时不知道，
01:14
but even in the heady days of young love,
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早在我们尚未坠入爱河之前，
01:17
we were learning how
to approach suffering together.
to approach suffering together.
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我们就已经在学习如何
共同承担痛苦。
共同承担痛苦。
01:22
We got married and became doctors.
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我们结婚了，毕业后都当了医生。
01:25
I was working as an internist
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我选择了当内科医生，
Paul当时即将结束
神经外科的训练课程，
神经外科的训练课程，
01:27
and Paul was finishing his training
as a neurosurgeon
as a neurosurgeon
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但·他的体重也开始往下掉。
01:31
when he started to lose weight.
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01:34
He developed excruciating back pain
and a cough that wouldn't go away.
and a cough that wouldn't go away.
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他的后背逐渐开始疼痛，
咳嗽总是不见好。
咳嗽总是不见好。
01:40
And when he was admitted to the hospital,
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当他被收治住院时，
CT显示肿瘤已经遍布
他的肺和骨头。
他的肺和骨头。
01:42
a CT scan revealed tumors
in Paul's lungs and in his bones.
in Paul's lungs and in his bones.
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01:48
We had both cared for patients
with devastating diagnoses;
with devastating diagnoses;
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我们都细心照顾过各种身患
重大疾患的病人；
重大疾患的病人；
01:53
now it was our turn.
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现在轮到我们了。
01:58
We lived with Paul's illness
for 22 months.
for 22 months.
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我们跟Paul的癌症抗争了22个月。
02:01
He wrote a memoir about facing mortality.
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他写了一本回忆录，
记录面对死亡的感受。
记录面对死亡的感受。
02:05
I gave birth to our daughter Cady,
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我们的女儿Cady顺利出生。
02:08
and we loved her and each other.
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我们爱她，爱彼此。
02:10
We learned directly how to struggle
through really tough medical decisions.
through really tough medical decisions.
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我们学会了如何面对
各种艰难的医学选择。
各种艰难的医学选择。
02:17
The day we took Paul
into the hospital for the last time
into the hospital for the last time
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Paul最后一次收治住院那天，
对于我而言是最艰难的一天。
02:20
was the most difficult day of my life.
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02:24
When he turned to me at the end
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当他在最后的时刻，看着我，
说，“我准备好了。”
02:26
and said, "I'm ready,"
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02:31
I knew that wasn't just a brave decision.
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我明白，那不仅是勇敢的选择，
02:34
It was the right one.
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也是正确的选择。
02:36
Paul didn't want a ventilator and CPR.
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Paul并不想要呼吸机和心肺复苏，
02:40
In that moment,
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在那一刻，
对于Paul而言最重要的事情
02:41
the most important thing to Paul
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02:45
was to hold our baby daughter.
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是抱着我们襁褓中的女儿。
02:49
Nine hours later,
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九个小时之后，
Paul走了。
02:51
Paul died.
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02:55
I've always thought of myself
as a caregiver --
as a caregiver --
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我一直认为自己是一名照料者——
就像其他医生一样——
02:58
most physicians do --
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而照顾Paul的经历让我对于
照料者的理解更深刻。
照料者的理解更深刻。
03:00
and taking care of Paul
deepened what that meant.
deepened what that meant.
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03:04
Watching him reshape
his identity during his illness,
his identity during his illness,
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目睹他在跟病魔斗争的过程中
对自己的重塑，
对自己的重塑，
学会见证和接受他的痛苦，
03:07
learning to witness and accept his pain,
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跟他一起接受他的选择——
03:11
talking together through his choices --
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这些经历让我学会了
03:13
those experiences taught me
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03:15
that resilience does not mean
bouncing back to where you were before,
bouncing back to where you were before,
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坚强并不意味着回到过去的自己，
或假装那些很痛苦的事情
没什么大不了的。
没什么大不了的。
03:20
or pretending that
the hard stuff isn't hard.
the hard stuff isn't hard.
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03:24
It is so hard.
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太艰难了。
03:27
It's painful, messy stuff.
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过程充满痛苦，让人伤透脑筋。
03:31
But it's the stuff.
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但是就是这个过程。
我知道了当我们一起努力，
03:32
And I learned that when we
approach it together,
approach it together,
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03:37
we get to decide what success looks like.
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我们就能知道成功是什么样子。
03:43
One of the first things
Paul said to me after his diagnosis was,
Paul said to me after his diagnosis was,
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当他的诊断结果出来后，
他对我说的第一句话是，
他对我说的第一句话是，
03:47
"I want you to get remarried."
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“我希望你能再嫁。”
03:50
And I was like, whoa, I guess
we get to say anything out loud.
we get to say anything out loud.
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我当时想，哇，我觉得我们
当时什么都敢说了。
当时什么都敢说了。
（笑声）
03:53
(Laughter)
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非常的震惊，
03:56
It was so shocking
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令人心碎——
03:58
and heartbreaking ...
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04:01
and generous,
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同时也是一种大度，
同时也非常舒心，
04:02
and really comforting
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因为我们完全的诚实，
04:04
because it was so starkly honest,
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这种诚实正是我们最需要的。
04:06
and that honesty turned out
to be exactly what we needed.
to be exactly what we needed.
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04:10
Early in Paul's illness,
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在Paul患病的早期，
我们商量好，我们什么事情都敞开说。
04:12
we agreed we would
just keep saying things out loud.
just keep saying things out loud.
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04:17
Tasks like making a will,
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像是立遗嘱这样的事情，
完成预留医疗指示（ADS）——
（译注：丧失主观意识时的医护指示）
（译注：丧失主观意识时的医护指示）
04:19
or completing our advance directives --
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那些我一直逃避的事情——
04:22
tasks that I had always avoided --
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当真正面对时并没有那么可怕。
04:25
were not as daunting as they once seemed.
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04:28
I realized that completing
an advance directive is an act of love --
an advance directive is an act of love --
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我意识到预留医疗指示（ADS）
是一种爱的举动——
是一种爱的举动——
04:33
like a wedding vow.
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就像是婚礼上的誓言。
04:35
A pact to take care of someone,
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一种照料对方的契约，
将誓言铭刻下来
04:38
codifying the promise
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直到生死相隔，
04:40
that til death do us part,
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04:43
I will be there.
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我永不言弃。
04:45
If needed, I will speak for you.
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我会在需要时为你表达你的意愿。
04:49
I will honor your wishes.
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我会完成你的愿望。
04:53
That paperwork became
a tangible part of our love story.
a tangible part of our love story.
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这个法律文书成为我们
爱情故事的见证。
爱情故事的见证。
04:59
As physicians,
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作为医生，
我跟Paul都有充分的心理准备
05:00
Paul and I were in a good position
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去理解，甚至接受诊断结果。
05:01
to understand and even
accept his diagnosis.
accept his diagnosis.
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05:06
We weren't angry about it,
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我们并没有感到愤怒，
很幸运，
05:07
luckily,
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因为我们早就目睹太多危重的病人，
05:08
because we'd seen so many patients
in devastating situations,
in devastating situations,
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我们知道，死，是生命的一部分。
05:12
and we knew that death is a part of life.
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05:17
But it's one thing to know that;
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但是，大道理谁都知道；
当真的自己遇到的时候，
05:19
it was a very different experience
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亲身经历悲伤和不确定性
是完全不同的体验。
是完全不同的体验。
05:21
to actually live with the sadness
and uncertainty of a serious illness.
and uncertainty of a serious illness.
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05:26
Huge strides are being made
against lung cancer,
against lung cancer,
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肺癌的治疗方法效果很好，
但是我们知道Paul的预期寿命
只有几年，甚至几个月。
只有几年，甚至几个月。
05:29
but we knew that Paul likely had
months to a few years left to live.
months to a few years left to live.
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05:36
During that time,
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在那段时间，
Paul记录了他从医生
到病人的转变，
到病人的转变，
05:37
Paul wrote about his transition
from doctor to patient.
from doctor to patient.
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05:41
He talked about feeling
like he was suddenly at a crossroads,
like he was suddenly at a crossroads,
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他谈到了突然感觉
自己站在了十字路口，
自己站在了十字路口，
以及他是如何以为自己能看清道路，
05:45
and how he would have thought
he'd be able to see the path,
he'd be able to see the path,
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05:49
that because he treated so many patients,
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因为他已经帮助过那么多病人，
或许他可以追踪他们的脚步。
05:52
maybe he could follow in their footsteps.
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05:55
But he was totally disoriented.
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但是他彻底的迷失了方向。
05:58
Rather than a path,
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根本不是一条路，
Paul写到，
06:00
Paul wrote,
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“我看到的是
06:01
"I saw instead
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只有一片荒芜、空虚、
泛着光的白色的沙漠。
泛着光的白色的沙漠。
06:03
only a harsh, vacant,
gleaming white desert.
gleaming white desert.
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06:08
As if a sandstorm
had erased all familiarity.
had erased all familiarity.
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就像是一场沙尘暴将所有
熟悉的东西都刮跑了。
熟悉的东西都刮跑了。
06:13
I had to face my mortality
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我必须面对我将死的事实，
06:16
and try to understand
what made my life worth living,
what made my life worth living,
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尝试搞清楚如何能够活得有意义，
06:20
and I needed my oncologist's
help to do so."
help to do so."
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我需要我的肿瘤医生帮助我。”
06:27
The clinicians taking care of Paul
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临床医生们对Paul的照料
让我对于我医疗界的同事
有了更深的感激。
有了更深的感激。
06:29
gave me an even deeper appreciation
for my colleagues in health care.
for my colleagues in health care.
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我们的工作很难。
06:33
We have a tough job.
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我们有责任帮助患者
清楚的知道预期后果
清楚的知道预期后果
06:35
We're responsible for helping patients
have clarity around their prognoses
have clarity around their prognoses
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以及他们治疗的选择，
06:40
and their treatment options,
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这向来不是简单的事情，
尤其是处理癌症
尤其是处理癌症
06:42
and that's never easy,
but it's especially tough
but it's especially tough
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等不治之症的时候，选择更加的艰难。
06:45
when you're dealing with potentially
terminal illnesses like cancer.
terminal illnesses like cancer.
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06:50
Some people don't want to know
how long they have left,
how long they have left,
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有些人愿意不去知道
还有多少时日，
还有多少时日，
有的人想知道。
06:54
others do.
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06:55
Either way, we never have those answers.
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无论哪种，我们都不知道答案的。
07:00
Sometimes we substitute hope
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有时候我们会强调最好的可能性，
07:04
by emphasizing the best-case scenario.
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以期让希望显得更大一些。
07:08
In a survey of physicians,
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一次面向医生的调查中，
55%的医生说当他们
跟病人描述预后时，
跟病人描述预后时，
07:10
55 percent said
they painted a rosier picture
they painted a rosier picture
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相比于他们真实的意见，
07:15
than their honest opinion
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他们会尝试说得更有希望一些。
07:16
when describing a patient's prognosis.
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这是一种出于本能的友善。
07:19
It's an instinct born out of kindness.
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07:24
But researchers have found
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但是研究人员发现
当患者能够更好的理解
疾病的预期后果时，
疾病的预期后果时，
07:25
that when people better understand
the possible outcomes of an illness,
the possible outcomes of an illness,
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他们的焦虑更少，
07:30
they have less anxiety,
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07:33
greater ability to plan
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更有可能好好规划，
07:35
and less trauma for their families.
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并可能减少给家庭带来的伤痛。
07:40
Families can struggle
with those conversations,
with those conversations,
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一个家庭在讨论这类话题时
可能非常痛苦，
可能非常痛苦，
但是我们同样发现在做重大决策时
真实信息的重要性。
真实信息的重要性。
07:43
but for us, we also found that information
immensely helpful with big decisions.
immensely helpful with big decisions.
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07:50
Most notably,
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最重要的是，
要不要生孩子。
07:53
whether to have a baby.
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07:56
Months to a few years meant
Paul was not likely to see her grow up.
Paul was not likely to see her grow up.
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只有不到一两年的预期寿命意味着
Paul无法看到女儿长大。
Paul无法看到女儿长大。
08:02
But he had a good chance
of being there for her birth
of being there for her birth
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但是他能够有机会看到女儿的出生
并在生命开始的时候陪伴左右。
08:05
and for the beginning of her life.
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08:08
I remember asking Paul
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我记得问过Paul
要跟一个襁褓中的孩子告别
08:10
if he thought having
to say goodbye to a child
to say goodbye to a child
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会不会让死亡更加痛苦。
08:14
would make dying even more painful.
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08:18
And his answer astounded me.
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他的回答震撼了我。
他说，
08:20
He said,
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“真能这样，难道不会更好么？”
08:22
"Wouldn't it be great if it did?"
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08:28
And we did it.
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于是我们怀孕了。
08:29
Not in order to spite cancer,
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并不是为了跟癌症斗争，
08:33
but because we were learning
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而是因为我们学会了
有意义的生活，包括了接受苦难。
08:35
that living fully
means accepting suffering.
means accepting suffering.
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08:43
Paul's oncologist tailored his chemo
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Paul的肿瘤医生适量减少了
他化疗的剂量
他化疗的剂量
这样他依然可以从事
神经外科手术，
神经外科手术，
08:46
so he could continue
working as a neurosurgeon,
working as a neurosurgeon,
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这在一开始我们觉得是
完全不可能的。
完全不可能的。
08:49
which initially we thought
was totally impossible.
was totally impossible.
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08:53
When the cancer advanced
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当癌症进一步加重时
Paul放下了手术刀，拿起了笔，
08:54
and Paul shifted from surgery to writing,
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08:58
his palliative care doctor
prescribed a stimulant medication
prescribed a stimulant medication
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他的姑息疗法医生给他开了
兴奋类的药物，
兴奋类的药物，
这样他可以更加专注。
09:01
so he could be more focused.
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09:04
They asked Paul about
his priorities and his worries.
his priorities and his worries.
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他们询问了Paul在意的事情
和担心的事情。
和担心的事情。
09:09
They asked him what trade-offs
he was willing to make.
he was willing to make.
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他们询问了他在一些问题上的取舍。
09:14
Those conversations
are the best way to ensure
are the best way to ensure
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这些谈话是确保你的医疗计划
符合你的预期的最好方式。
09:18
that your health care matches your values.
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09:24
Paul joked that it's not
like that "birds and bees" talk
like that "birds and bees" talk
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Paul开玩笑说，
这跟你的父母跟你谈论
这跟你的父母跟你谈论
有关性的话题是不一样的，
09:26
you have with your parents,
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这种谈话你总想尽早结束，
09:28
where you all get it over with
as quickly as possible,
as quickly as possible,
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然后假装从没发生过。
09:30
and then pretend it never happened.
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当事情变化时你会回过头来
回顾这些谈话。
回顾这些谈话。
09:32
You revisit the conversation
as things change.
as things change.
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你坚持说出真实感受。
09:35
You keep saying things out loud.
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09:40
I'm forever grateful
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我会永远感激
Paul的临床医生们，
09:41
because Paul's clinicians felt
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他们并不觉得他们的工作
是提供他们不知道的答案
是提供他们不知道的答案
09:44
that their job wasn't to try
to give us answers they didn't have,
to give us answers they didn't have,
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或仅仅是帮我们修复什么东西，
09:47
or only to try to fix things for us,
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而是在Paul面对痛苦的选择时
提供咨询建议…
提供咨询建议…
09:50
but to counsel Paul
through painful choices ...
through painful choices ...
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09:54
when his body was failing
but his will to live wasn't.
but his will to live wasn't.
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他的身体逐渐垮下去的时候，
他的精神依然矍铄。
他的精神依然矍铄。
10:01
Later, after Paul died,
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在Paul死后，
我收到了很多花束，
10:03
I received a dozen bouquets of flowers,
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而我送出了一束…
10:06
but I sent just one ...
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10:09
to Paul's oncologist,
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给Paul的肿瘤医生，
因为她为Paul的目标提供支持
10:11
because she supported his goals
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并帮助他权衡可能的选择。
10:14
and she helped him weigh his choices.
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10:18
She knew that living
means more than just staying alive.
means more than just staying alive.
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她知道生活并不仅仅意味着活着。
10:25
A few weeks ago,
a patient came into my clinic.
a patient came into my clinic.
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几周前，一位患者来到我的诊所。
是一位患有严重慢性病的女士。
10:28
A woman dealing
with a serious chronic disease.
with a serious chronic disease.
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10:32
And while we were talking
about her life and her health care,
about her life and her health care,
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当我们讨论她的生活和医疗计划时，
她提到，“我爱我的姑息治疗小组。
10:35
she said, "I love my palliative care team.
185
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10:40
They taught me that it's OK to say 'no'."
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他们让我知道是完全可以说‘不’的。”
10:43
Yeah, I thought, of course it is.
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对呀，我想，当然了。
10:46
But many patients don't feel that.
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但是很多患者没有意识到这点。
10:50
Compassion and Choices did a study
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“热情和选择”组织做过调查，
调查内容是询问人们的
医疗健康偏好。
医疗健康偏好。
10:53
where they asked people
about their health care preferences.
about their health care preferences.
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很多人开始回答都是以
10:56
And a lot of people
started their answers with the words
started their answers with the words
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“如果我有选择的话…”开头。
11:00
"Well, if I had a choice ..."
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11:04
If I had a choice.
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如果我有选择。
11:06
And when I read that "if,"
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但我读到那个“如果”，
我更加理解
11:08
I understood better
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为什么四分之一的人
11:11
why one in four people
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被过度医疗了，
11:13
receives excessive or unwanted
medical treatment,
medical treatment,
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4856
或者目睹家庭成员被过度医疗。
11:18
or watches a family member receive
excessive or unwanted medical treatment.
excessive or unwanted medical treatment.
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11:25
It's not because doctors don't get it.
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并不是因为医生不知道。
我们知道。
11:27
We do.
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11:29
We understand the real
psychological consequences
psychological consequences
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我们知道这些对于患者和家庭而言
带来的真实的心理上的后果。
11:32
on patients and their families.
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11:35
The things is, we deal with them, too.
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问题是，我们也有困扰要处理。
11:38
Half of critical care nurses
and a quarter of ICU doctors
and a quarter of ICU doctors
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一半的重症监护护士和
1/4的ICU医生
1/4的ICU医生
考虑过换工作，
11:44
have considered quitting their jobs
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因为有时候他们提供的帮助
并不符合患者的诉求，
并不符合患者的诉求，
11:46
because of distress over feeling
that for some of their patients,
that for some of their patients,
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这种感觉让他们感觉到很痛苦。
11:51
they've provided care
that didn't fit with the person's values.
that didn't fit with the person's values.
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3400
11:57
But doctors can't make sure
your wishes are respected
your wishes are respected
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但是只有当医生知道
你的愿望究竟是什么，
你的愿望究竟是什么，
才有可能确认它们得到了尊重。
11:59
until they know what they are.
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2200
12:04
Would you want to be on life support
if it offered any chance of longer life?
if it offered any chance of longer life?
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你是否愿意通过生命维持装置
延续你的生命？
延续你的生命？
12:09
Are you most worried
about the quality of that time,
about the quality of that time,
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那时你是否更加关注生活质量，
而不是生命的长度？
12:12
rather than quantity?
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1200
12:14
Both of those choices
are thoughtful and brave,
are thoughtful and brave,
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两种选择都是勇敢且睿智的，
12:19
but for all of us, it's our choice.
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对我们而言，这是我们的选择。
12:22
That's true at the end of life
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这对于我们的临终医疗
以及我们日常的医疗服务都是如此。
12:24
and for medical care throughout our lives.
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如果你怀孕了，你想做
基因筛查么？
基因筛查么？
12:27
If you're pregnant,
do you want genetic screening?
do you want genetic screening?
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2856
要不要更换膝关节？
12:30
Is a knee replacement right or not?
218
738400
1920
12:33
Do you want to do dialysis
in a clinic or at home?
in a clinic or at home?
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你希望在家还是在诊所
做血液透析？
做血液透析？
12:38
The answer is:
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1200
答案是：
12:40
it depends.
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看情况。
12:42
What medical care will help you
live the way you want to?
live the way you want to?
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哪种医疗方案能够帮助你
按你想要的方式生活？
按你想要的方式生活？
12:49
I hope you remember that question
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我希望你在下一次面对
你的医疗方案问题时，
能够记得这个问题。
能够记得这个问题。
12:51
the next time you face
a decision in your health care.
a decision in your health care.
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12:55
Remember that you always have a choice,
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记住，你始终可以选择。
12:59
and it is OK to say no to a treatment
that's not right for you.
that's not right for you.
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而且当医疗方案不适合你时，
你可以说不。
你可以说不。
13:06
There's a poem by W.S. Merwin --
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W.S. Merwin 写过一首诗——
很短，只有两行——
13:10
it's just two sentences long --
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描述了我现在的感受。
13:12
that captures how I feel now.
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13:17
"Your absence has gone through me
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“你的离去，如丝线穿针，
穿过了我。
13:20
like thread through a needle.
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13:23
Everything I do
is stitched with its color."
is stitched with its color."
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从此我的生活，都是你的色彩。”
13:29
For me that poem evokes my love for Paul,
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对于我而言，这首诗
激发了我对Paul的爱，
激发了我对Paul的爱，
13:33
and a new fortitude
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带给我新的勇气
在我经历对Paul的爱和逝去之后。
13:35
that came from loving and losing him.
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13:40
When Paul said, "It's going to be OK,"
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当Paul说，“一切都会变好的，”
他并不是说他的癌症能够痊愈。
13:44
that didn't mean
that we could cure his illness.
that we could cure his illness.
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13:48
Instead, we learned to accept
both joy and sadness at the same time;
both joy and sadness at the same time;
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相反，我们学会了接受这段过程中
经历的愉悦和悲伤；
经历的愉悦和悲伤；
13:55
to uncover beauty and purpose
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去发现生活的美和意义，
学会放下，因为我们都会出生，
13:58
both despite and because we are all born
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14:03
and we all die.
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也都会死去。
14:06
And for all the sadness
and sleepless nights,
and sleepless nights,
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在那些悲伤的不眠之夜，
14:09
it turns out there is joy.
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我们也找到了一些快乐。
14:12
I leave flowers on Paul's grave
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我在Paul的坟墓摆上鲜花
看着两岁大的孩子
在草地里奔跑玩耍。
在草地里奔跑玩耍。
14:15
and watch our two-year-old
run around on the grass.
run around on the grass.
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14:19
I build bonfires on the beach
and watch the sunset with our friends.
and watch the sunset with our friends.
246
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我在海滩点一堆篝火，
跟朋友看日落。
跟朋友看日落。
14:25
Exercise and mindfulness
meditation have helped a lot.
meditation have helped a lot.
247
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健身和冥想训练很有帮助。
14:30
And someday,
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有时候，
我确实希望能够再婚。
14:32
I hope I do get remarried.
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14:36
Most importantly,
I get to watch our daughter grow.
I get to watch our daughter grow.
250
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最重要的是，我能够
看着女儿一天天长大。
看着女儿一天天长大。
14:40
I've thought a lot
about what I'm going to say to her
about what I'm going to say to her
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我一直在思考，当她更大一些
如何跟她诉说。
14:44
when she's older.
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14:48
"Cady,
253
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1200
“Cady，
14:50
engaging in the full
range of experience --
range of experience --
254
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拥抱人生所有的体验——
生与死，
14:54
living and dying,
255
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爱与失去——
14:55
love and loss --
256
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14:58
is what we get to do.
257
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都是我们要经历的。
15:01
Being human doesn't happen
despite suffering.
despite suffering.
258
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身而为人并不能够无视苦难。
15:07
It happens within it.
259
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人生伴随着苦难。
15:10
When we approach suffering together,
260
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当我们能够一起面对苦难，
15:13
when we choose not to hide from it,
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当我们选择不再去回避它，
15:17
our lives don't diminish,
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我们的生活并不会萎缩，
而是会得到延伸。”
15:18
they expand."
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15:21
I've learned that cancer
isn't always a battle.
isn't always a battle.
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经历过这些我意识到治疗癌症
并不是一场战役。
并不是一场战役。
15:26
Or if it is,
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如果是的话，
那么可能也是一场跟我们
想象的不同的战役。
想象的不同的战役。
15:28
maybe it's a fight for something
different than we thought.
different than we thought.
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15:32
Our job isn't to fight fate,
267
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我们要做的不是跟命运抗争，
15:36
but to help each other through.
268
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而是相互扶持，度过难关。
15:39
Not as soldiers
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我们不是战士，
15:42
but as shepherds.
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我们是牧羊人。
15:45
That's how we make it OK,
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这是我们体会到的变好，
即使它可能不是。
15:48
even when it's not.
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15:51
By saying it out loud,
273
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通过开诚布公，
15:53
by helping each other through ...
274
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相互扶持度过这段旅程…
15:57
and a gorilla suit never hurts, either.
275
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准备一套大猩猩戏服总没坏处。
16:00
Thank you.
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谢谢大家。
（掌声）
16:01
(Applause)
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Translated by Psycho Decoder
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Lucy Kalanithi - CaregiverLucy Kalanithi is dedicated to helping others choose the health care and end-of-life experiences that best align with their values.
Why you should listen
Stanford internist Lucy Kalanithi is the widow of neurosurgeon and writer Paul Kalanithi, who was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer at age 36. Shortly after his diagnosis, Paul wrote about his transformation from doctor to patient, and explored what makes life worth living in the face of death in his poignant memoir When Breath Becomes Air. After Paul died in 2015, Lucy completed his memoir and wrote its powerful epilogue. As a caregiver for her husband during all phases of his illness and as a practicing physician and a thinker on healthcare value, Lucy is dedicated to helping others choose the health care and end-of-life experiences that best align with their values. She lives in the Bay Area with her and Paul’s daughter, Cady.
Lucy Kalanithi | Speaker | TED.com