TED2013
Shane Koyczan: To This Day ... for the bullied and beautiful
Shane Koyczan: "Den Dag i Dag" ... til de mobbede og smukke
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Både sjov og hjemsøgende tager digteren Shane Koyczan pulsen på, hvordan det er at være unge og ... anderledes. "Den Dag i Dag," hans talte digt om mobning, fængslede millioner som viral video (skabt, i crowd-source stil, af 80 animatorer). Her giver han en storartet levende gengivelse med baggrundshistorie og akkompagneret af violin af Hannah Epperson.
Shane Koyczan - Poet
Shane Koyczan makes spoken-word poetry and music. His poem "To This Day" is a powerful story of bullying and survival, illustrated by animators from around the world. Full bio
Shane Koyczan makes spoken-word poetry and music. His poem "To This Day" is a powerful story of bullying and survival, illustrated by animators from around the world. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:21
There's so many of you.
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I er så mange.
00:28
When I was a kid,
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Da jeg var barn,
00:30
I hid my heart under the bed, because my mother said,
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gemte jeg mit hjerte under sengen, fordi min mor sagde,
00:33
"If you're not careful, someday someone's going to break it."
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"Hvis du ikke passer på, vil nogen en dag knuse det."
00:37
Take it from me. Under the bed is not a good hiding spot.
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Tro mig. Under sengen er ikke et godt gemmested.
00:40
I know because I've been shot down so many times
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Det ved jeg, fordi jeg er blevet skudt ned så mange gange,
00:42
I get altitude sickness just from standing up for myself.
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jeg får højdeskræk af bare at stå for mig selv.
00:46
But that's what we were told.
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Men det er, hvad vi blev fortalt.
00:49
Stand up for yourself.
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Stå for dig selv.
00:51
And that's hard to do if you don't know who you are.
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Det er svært, hvis man ikke ved, hvem man er.
00:54
We were expected to define ourselves at such an early age,
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Vi forventedes at definere os selv i så tidlig en alder,
00:57
and if we didn't do it, others did it for us.
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og hvis vi ikke gjorde det, gjorde andre.
01:01
Geek. Fatty. Slut. Fag.
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Nørd. Tykke. Luder. Bøsse.
01:06
And at the same time we were being told what we were,
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Og samtidig fik vi at vide, hvad vi var,
01:09
we were being asked,
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vi blev spurgt,
01:10
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
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"Hvad vil du være, når du bliver stor?"
01:13
I always thought that was an unfair question.
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Jeg syntes, det var et uretfærdigt spørgsmål.
01:15
It presupposes that we can't be what we already are.
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Det forudsætter, at vi ikke kan være, hvad vi allerede er.
01:19
We were kids.
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Vi var børn.
01:20
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a man.
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Da jeg var et barn, ville jeg være en mand.
01:24
I wanted a registered retirement savings plan
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Jeg ville have en pension,
01:26
that would keep me in candy long enough to make old age sweet.
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der kunne give mig slik nok til at forsøde alderdommen.
01:30
When I was a kid, I wanted to shave.
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Da jeg var barn, ville jeg barbere mig.
01:33
Now, not so much.
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Ikke så meget længere.
01:36
When I was eight, I wanted to be a marine biologist.
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Da jeg var otte, ville jeg være marinebiolog.
01:40
When I was nine, I saw the movie "Jaws,"
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Da jeg var ni, så jeg "Dødens Gab,"
01:42
and thought to myself, "No, thank you."
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og tænkte, "Ellers tak."
01:45
And when I was 10, I was told that my parents left because they didn't want me.
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Da jeg var 10, fik jeg at vide, at mine forældre forlod mig, fordi de ikke ville have mig.
01:49
When I was 11, I wanted to be left alone.
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Da jeg var 11, ville jeg lades alene.
01:50
When I was 12, I wanted to die. When I was 13, I wanted to kill a kid.
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Da jeg var 12, ville jeg dø. Da jeg var 13, ville jeg dræbe et barn.
01:54
When I was 14, I was asked to seriously consider a career path.
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Da jeg var 14, blev jeg bedt om for alvor at vælge en karrierevej.
01:58
I said, "I'd like to be a writer."
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Jeg sagde, "Jeg vil gerne være forfatter."
02:01
And they said, "Choose something realistic."
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Og de sagde, "Vælg noget realistisk."
02:04
So I said, "Professional wrestler."
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Så jeg sagde, "Professionel wrestler."
02:08
And they said, "Don't be stupid."
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Og de sagde, "Vær ikke dum."
02:10
See, they asked me what I wanted to be,
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De spurgte mig, hvad jeg ville være,
02:12
then told me what not to be.
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og sagde så, hvad jeg ikke skulle være.
02:15
And I wasn't the only one.
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Jeg var ikke den eneste.
02:17
We were being told that we somehow must become
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Vi fik at vide, at vi på en eller anden måde skulle blive,
02:19
what we are not, sacrificing what we are
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hvad vi ikke er, ofre hvad vi er
02:21
to inherit the masquerade of what we will be.
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for at arve maskeraden om, hvad vi vil blive.
02:24
I was being told to accept the identity
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Jeg skulle acceptere identiteten,
02:26
that others will give me.
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som andre ville give mig.
02:29
And I wondered, what made my dreams so easy to dismiss?
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Og jeg undrede mig, hvad gjorde mine drømme så lette at affeje?
02:33
Granted, my dreams are shy,
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Selvom mine drømme er generte,
02:36
because they're Canadian. (Laughter)
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fordi de er canadiske. (Latter)
02:41
My dreams are self-conscious and overly apologetic.
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Mine drømme er selvbevidste og overdrevet undskyldende.
02:45
They're standing alone at the high school dance,
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De står alene til gymnasiegallaen,
02:47
and they've never been kissed.
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og de er aldrig blevet kysset.
02:49
See, my dreams got called names too.
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Mine drømme bliver nemlig også kaldt navne.
02:52
Silly. Foolish. Impossible.
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Fjollede. Tåbelige. Umulige.
02:56
But I kept dreaming.
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Men jeg blev ved at drømme.
02:58
I was going to be a wrestler. I had it all figured out.
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Jeg skulle være wrestler. Jeg havde planlagt alt.
03:00
I was going to be The Garbage Man.
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Jeg ville være Skraldemanden.
03:03
My finishing move was going to be The Trash Compactor.
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Mit nådesstød skulle være Komprimeringsmaskinen.
03:07
My saying was going to be, "I'm taking out the trash!"
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Mit slagord skulle være, "Jeg bærer skraldet ud!"
03:11
(Laughter) (Applause)
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(Latter) (Bifald)
03:16
And then this guy, Duke "The Dumpster" Droese,
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Og så stjal ham her Duke "Skraldespanden" Droese
03:21
stole my entire shtick.
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hele mit nummer.
03:25
I was crushed, as if by a trash compactor.
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Jeg var knust som af en komprimeringsmaskine.
03:31
I thought to myself, "What now? Where do I turn?"
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Jeg tænkte, "Hvad nu? Hvor vender jeg mig hen?"
03:34
Poetry.
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Poesi.
03:37
Like a boomerang, the thing I loved came back to me.
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Som en boomerang, vendte det, jeg elskede, tilbage.
03:41
One of the first lines of poetry I can remember writing
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En af de første poetiske linjer, jeg husker at skrive,
03:43
was in response to a world that demanded I hate myself.
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var som svar til en verden, der krævede, at jeg hadede mig selv.
03:46
From age 15 to 18, I hated myself
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Fra jeg var 15 til 18, hadede jeg mig selv
03:49
for becoming the thing that I loathed: a bully.
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for at blive, hvad jeg hadede: en bølle.
03:53
When I was 19, I wrote,
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Da jeg var 19, skrev jeg,
03:56
"I will love myself despite the ease with which
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"Jeg vil elske mig selv trods den lethed, med hvilken
03:58
I lean toward the opposite."
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jeg læner mod det modsatte."
04:01
Standing up for yourself doesn't have to mean
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At stå for sig selv behøver ikke at betyde
04:05
embracing violence.
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at blive voldelig.
04:07
When I was a kid,
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Da jeg var barn,
04:09
I traded in homework assignments for friendship,
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byttede jeg afleveringer for venskab,
04:12
then gave each friend a late slip for never showing up on time,
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gav så hver ven en seddel for aldrig at komme til tiden,
04:14
and in most cases not at all.
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og oftest slet ikke.
04:17
I gave myself a hall pass to get through each broken promise.
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Jeg gav mig selv en pause fra timerne for hvert brudt løfte.
04:20
And I remember this plan, born out of frustration
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Og jeg husker denne plan, undfanget i frustration
04:22
from a kid who kept calling me "Yogi,"
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over et barn, der blev ved at kalde mig "Yogi,"
04:24
then pointed at my tummy and said, "Too many picnic baskets."
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og pegede på min mave og sagde, "For mange skovturskurve."
04:28
Turns out it's not that hard to trick someone,
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Viser sig, det ikke er så svært at narre andre,
04:30
and one day before class, I said,
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og en dag før timen, sagde jeg,
04:32
"Yeah, you can copy my homework,"
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"Ja, du kan kopiere mine lektier,"
04:34
and I gave him all the wrong answers
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og jeg gav ham alle de forkerte svar,
04:36
that I'd written down the night before.
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jeg havde skrevet aftenen før.
04:38
He got his paper back expecting a near-perfect score,
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Han fik sin opgave tilbage og forventede en næsten perfekt karakter
04:40
and couldn't believe it when he looked across the room at me and held up a zero.
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og kunne ikke tro det, da han så på tværs af rummet på mig og holdt et nul op.
04:44
I knew I didn't have to hold up my paper of 28 out of 30,
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Jeg vidste, jeg ikke var nødt til at holde min opgave op med 28 ud af 30,
04:47
but my satisfaction was complete when he looked at me, puzzled,
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men min tilfredsstillelse var fuldkommen, da han så forvirret på mig,
04:50
and I thought to myself, "Smarter than the average bear, motherfucker."
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og jeg tænkte, "Kvikkere end den gennemsnitlige bjørn, røvhul."
04:54
(Laughter) (Applause)
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(Latter) (Bifald)
05:02
This is who I am.
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Dette er, hvem jeg er.
05:05
This is how I stand up for myself.
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Dette er, hvordan jeg står for mig selv.
05:09
When I was a kid,
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Da jeg var barn,
05:11
I used to think that pork chops and karate chops were the same thing.
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plejede jeg at tro, at koteletter og karate hug var det samme.
05:15
I thought they were both pork chops.
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Jeg troede begge dele var koteletter.
05:18
And because my grandmother thought it was cute,
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Og fordi min bedstemor syntes, det var nuttet,
05:20
and because they were my favorite, she let me keep doing it.
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og fordi de var min livret, lod hun mig blive ved med det.
05:23
Not really a big deal.
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Ikke noget alvorligt.
05:24
One day, before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees,
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En dag, før jeg indså, at tykke børn ikke er designet til at klatre i træer,
05:28
I fell out of a tree and bruised the right side of my body.
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faldt jeg ned fra et træ og slog højre side af min krop.
05:31
I didn't want to tell my grandmother about it
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Jeg ville ikke sige det til min bedstemor,
05:33
because I was scared I'd get in trouble for playing somewhere I shouldn't have been.
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fordi jeg var bange for at få problemer for at lege, hvor jeg ikke burde.
05:36
A few days later, the gym teacher noticed the bruise,
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Et par dage senere lagde idrætslæreren mærke til skaden,
05:38
and I got sent to the principal's office.
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og jeg blev sendt til inspektørens kontor.
05:41
From there, I was sent to another small room
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Derfra blev jeg sendt ind i et mindre rum
05:42
with a really nice lady who asked me all kinds of questions about my life at home.
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med en rigtig sød dame, som spurgte mig om alt muligt om livet derhjemme.
05:48
I saw no reason to lie.
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Jeg så ingen grund til at lyve.
05:50
As far as I was concerned, life was pretty good.
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Så vidt jeg vidste, var livet ret godt.
05:52
I told her, whenever I'm sad, my grandmother gives me karate chops.
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Jeg sagde, når jeg er ked af det, giver min bedstemor mig karatehug.
05:56
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
06:04
This led to a full-scale investigation,
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Dette ledte til en gennemgribende efterforskning,
06:08
and I was removed from the house for three days,
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og jeg blev fjernet fra huset i tre dage,
06:11
until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises.
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indtil de endelig besluttede at spørge, hvordan jeg fik skaden.
06:15
News of this silly little story quickly spread through the school,
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Historien bredte sig hurtigt på skolen,
06:17
and I earned my first nickname:
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og jeg fik mit første øgenavn:
06:20
Porkchop.
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Kotelet.
06:22
To this day, I hate pork chops.
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Den dag i dag hader jeg koteletter.
06:29
I'm not the only kid who grew up this way,
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Jeg er ikke den eneste, der voksede op sådan,
06:31
surrounded by people who used to say that rhyme
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omringet af folk, der plejede at sige den remse
06:34
about sticks and stones,
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om grene og sten,
06:37
as if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called,
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som om brækkede ben gør mere ondt, end de navne vi blev kaldt,
06:39
and we got called them all.
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og vi blev kaldt dem alle.
06:41
So we grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us,
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Så vi voksede op og troede, ingen ville forelske sig i os,
06:45
that we'd be lonely forever,
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at vi ville være alene for evigt,
06:47
that we'd never meet someone to make us feel like the sun
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at vi aldrig ville møde nogen, der fik os til at føle, at solen
06:50
was something they built for us in their toolshed.
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var noget, de byggede til os i deres værksted.
06:52
So broken heartstrings bled the blues, and we tried to empty ourselves so we'd feel nothing.
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Så de dybe følelser blev tungsindige, og vi forsøgte at tømme os selv, så vi ikke ville mærke noget.
06:56
Don't tell me that hurt less than a broken bone,
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Sig ikke, det gør mindre ondt end et brækket ben,
06:58
that an ingrown life is something surgeons can cut away,
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at et indgroet liv er noget kirurger kan skære væk,
07:01
that there's no way for it to metastasize; it does.
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at det ikke kan metastasere; det gør det.
07:04
She was eight years old,
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Hun var otte,
07:06
our first day of grade three when she got called ugly.
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vores første dag i tredje, da hun blev kaldt grim.
07:09
We both got moved to the back of class
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Vi blev begge flyttet bagest i klassen,
07:12
so we would stop getting bombarded by spitballs.
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så vi ikke blev bombarderet af spytkugler.
07:14
But the school halls were a battleground.
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Men gangene var en slagmark.
07:16
We found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day.
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Vi var i undertal hver eneste forbandede dag.
07:19
We used to stay inside for recess, because outside was worse.
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Vi plejede at blive inde i frikvarteret, fordi udenfor var værre.
07:22
Outside, we'd have to rehearse running away,
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Udenfor skulle vi øve os i flugt,
07:24
or learn to stay still like statues, giving no clues that we were there.
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eller lære at stå stille som statuer, lade som om vi ikke var der.
07:28
In grade five, they taped a sign to the front of her desk
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I femte klistrede de en seddel forrest på hendes bord,
07:31
that read, "Beware of dog."
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der sagde, "Pas på hunden."
07:33
To this day, despite a loving husband, she doesn't think she's beautiful
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Den dag i dag, trods en kærlig mand, tror hun ikke, hun er smuk,
07:38
because of a birthmark that takes up a little less than half her face.
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på grund af et modermærke, der fylder lidt under halvdelen af ansigtet.
07:42
Kids used to say, "She looks like a wrong answer
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Børnene plejede at sige, "Hun ligner et forkert svar,
07:44
that someone tried to erase, but couldn't quite get the job done."
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nogen forsøgte at viske ud, men ikke helt kunne gøre det."
07:47
And they'll never understand that she's raising two kids
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Og de vil aldrig forstå, at hun opdrager to børn,
07:50
whose definition of beauty begins with the word "Mom,"
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hvis definition af skønhed begynder med ordet "Mor,"
07:55
because they see her heart before they see her skin,
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fordi de ser hendes hjerte, før de ser hendes hud,
07:57
because she's only ever always been amazing.
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fordi hun altid aldrig har været andet end fantastisk.
07:58
He was a broken branch grafted onto a different family tree,
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Han var en brækket gren, hæftet på et andet stamtræ,
08:04
adopted,
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adopteret,
08:06
not because his parents opted for a different destiny.
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ikke fordi hans forældre valgte en anden skæbne.
08:10
He was three when he became a mixed drink
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Han var tre, da han blev en blandet drik
08:12
of one part left alone and two parts tragedy,
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af en del ladt alene og to dele tragedie,
08:15
started therapy in eighth grade,
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begyndte i terapi i ottende,
08:17
had a personality made up of tests and pills,
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havde en personlighed af prøver og piller,
08:20
lived like the uphills were mountains and the downhills were cliffs,
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levede som var bakkerne opad bjerge og nedad klippeskrænter,
08:24
four fifths suicidal, a tidal wave of antidepressants,
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fire femtedele selvmorderisk, en tidevandsbølge af antidepressiva
08:27
and an adolescence being called "Popper,"
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og en pubertet med tilnavnet "Popper,"
08:30
one part because of the pills,
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en del på grund af pillerne,
08:32
99 parts because of the cruelty.
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99 dele på grund af grusomheden.
08:35
He tried to kill himself in grade 10
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Han prøvede at myrde sig selv i tiende,
08:38
when a kid who could still go home to Mom and Dad
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da et barn, som stadig kunne gå hjem til Mor og Far,
08:40
had the audacity to tell him, "Get over it."
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havde frækhed til at sige, "Kom nu videre."
08:44
As if depression is something that could be remedied
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Som om depression er noget, der kunne klares
08:46
by any of the contents found in a first aid kit.
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af noget af indholdet i en førstehjælpstaske.
08:49
To this day, he is a stick of TNT lit from both ends,
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Den dag i dag er han en dynamitstang tændt i begge ender,
08:52
could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends
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kunne beskrive i detaljer den måde, himlen bøjer
08:55
in the moment before it's about to fall,
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øjeblikket før, den falder,
08:57
and despite an army of friends who all call him an inspiration,
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og trods en hær af venner, der alle kalder ham en inspiration,
09:00
he remains a conversation piece between people who can't understand
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forbliver han et samtaleemne mellem folk, der ikke kan forstå,
09:03
sometimes being drug-free has less to do with addiction
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nogle gange har det at være stoffri mindre at gøre med afhængighed
09:06
and more to do with sanity.
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og mere at gøre med forstand.
09:09
We weren't the only kids who grew up this way.
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Vi var ikke de eneste børn, der voksede sådan op.
09:12
To this day, kids are still being called names.
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Den dag i dag bliver børn stadig kaldt navne.
09:16
The classics were, "Hey stupid," "Hey spaz."
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Klassikerne var "Hey dumme," "Hey spasser."
09:21
Seems like every school has an arsenal of names
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Lader til at hver skole har et arsenal af navne,
09:24
getting updated every year,
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der opdateres årligt,
09:26
and if a kid breaks in a school and no one around chooses to hear,
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og hvis et barn bryder sammen i skolen, og ingen omkring vælger at høre,
09:29
do they make a sound?
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laver de en lyd?
09:31
Are they just background noise from a soundtrack stuck
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Er de bare baggrundsstøj fra en lydspor, der er gået i hak,
09:33
on repeat when people say things like, "Kids can be cruel."
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når folk siger ting som, "Børn kan være onde."
09:38
Every school was a big top circus tent,
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Hver skole var et højt cirkustelt,
09:41
and the pecking order went from acrobats to lion tamers,
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og mobbehierarkiet gik fra akrobater til løvetæmmere,
09:44
from clowns to carnies, all of these miles ahead of who we were.
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fra klovne til gøglere, alle kilometer foran det, vi var.
09:47
We were freaks -- lobster claw boys and bearded ladies,
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Vi var vanskabninger --hummerklo-drenge og skæggede kvinder,
09:51
oddities juggling depression and loneliness,
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skævheder jonglerende depression og ensomhed,
09:54
playing solitaire, spin the bottle,
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spillende kabale, flaskehalsen peger på,
09:55
trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal,
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forsøgte at kysse vores skadede dele og hele,
09:58
but at night, while the others slept,
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men om natten, mens de andre sov,
10:01
we kept walking the tightrope.
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blev vi ved at gå på linen.
10:03
It was practice, and yes, some of us fell.
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Det var øvelse, og ja, nogle af os faldt.
10:06
But I want to tell them that all of this
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Men jeg vil sige dem, at alt dette
10:10
is just debris left over when we finally decide to smash
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blot er rester, fra da vi endelig besluttede at smadre
10:14
all the things we thought we used to be,
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alle de ting, vi troede vi plejede at være,
10:17
and if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself,
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og hvis du ikke kan se noget smukt ved dig selv,
10:20
get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer,
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få et bedre spejl, se lidt nærmere, stir lidt længere,
10:25
because there's something inside you that made you keep trying
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for der er noget inde i dig, der fik dig til at fortsætte,
10:28
despite everyone who told you to quit.
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trods alle dem, der bad dig stoppe.
10:30
You built a cast around your broken heart and signed it yourself.
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Du byggede en kaste om dit knuste hjerte og underskrev det selv.
10:32
You signed it, "They were wrong."
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Du underskrev det, "De tog fejl."
10:34
Because maybe you didn't belong to a group or a clique.
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For måske tilhørte du ikke en gruppe eller en klike.
10:37
Maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything.
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Måske valgte de dig sidst til basketball eller alt.
10:40
Maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth to show-and-tell, but never told,
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Måske tog du mærker og brækkede tænder til vis-og-fortæl, men fortalte aldrig,
10:44
because how can you hold your ground
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for hvordan kan du stå fast,
10:45
if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it?
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når alle omkring dig vil begrave dig under jorden?
10:47
You have to believe that they were wrong.
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Du er nødt til at tro på, de tog fejl.
10:52
They have to be wrong.
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De er nødt til at tage fejl.
10:54
Why else would we still be here?
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Hvorfor ville vi ellers stadig være her?
10:58
We grew up learning to cheer on the underdog
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Vi voksede op med at heppe på underhunden,
11:01
because we see ourselves in them.
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fordi vi ser os selv i dem.
11:03
We stem from a root planted in the belief
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Vi stammer fra en rod plantet i den tro,
11:05
that we are not what we were called.
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at vi ikke er, hvad vi blev kaldt.
11:08
We are not abandoned cars stalled out
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Vi er ikke forladte biler gået i stå,
11:10
and sitting empty on some highway,
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der står tomme på motorvejen,
11:12
and if in some way we are, don't worry.
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og hvis vi på en måde er, tag det roligt.
11:14
We only got out to walk and get gas.
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Vi steg kun ud for at hente benzin.
11:16
We are graduating members from the class of We Made It,
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Vi er studenter fra årgangen af Vi Klarede Det,
11:20
not the faded echoes of voices crying out,
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ikke de falmede ekko af stemmer, der råber,
11:22
"Names will never hurt me."
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"Navne vil aldrig skade mig."
11:26
Of course they did.
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Selvfølgelig gjorde de det.
11:31
But our lives will only ever always
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Men vores liv vil aldrig være
11:33
continue to be a balancing act
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andet end et balancenummer,
11:36
that has less to do with pain
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der har mindre at gøre med smerte
11:38
and more to do with beauty.
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og mere med skønhed.
11:42
(Applause)
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(Bifald)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Shane Koyczan - PoetShane Koyczan makes spoken-word poetry and music. His poem "To This Day" is a powerful story of bullying and survival, illustrated by animators from around the world.
Why you should listen
Shane Koyczan is a poet, author and performer. He performed at the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics, where an audience of more than 1 billion people worldwide heard his piece “We Are More.”
He has published three books: Stickboy, Our Deathbeds Will Be Thirsty and Visiting Hours, selected by both the Guardian and the Globe and Mail for their Best Books of the Year lists.
In 2012, he released a full-length album with his band Shane Koyczan and the Short Story Long. The album includes the viral hit “To This Day,” which explores the anguish of anyone who grew up feeling different or just a little bit alone. To bring visual life to this image-rich poem, Koyczan invited artists from around the world to contribute 20-second segments of animation to the project. Posted on YouTube on February 19, 2013, by the close of the month the video had been viewed 6 million times.
Shane Koyczan | Speaker | TED.com