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Heidi Grant: How to ask for help -- and get a "yes"
Hajdi Grant (Heidi Grant): Kako da tražite pomoć - i dobijete „da“
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Tražiti pomoć je teško. Ali kako biste se probili kroz život, to morate stalno da radite. Pa, kako da vam bude prijatno da je tražite? U ovom preduzimljivom govoru, socijalni psiholog Hajdi Grant govori o četiri prosta pravila za traženje i dobijanje pomoći - tako da taj proces bude dragocen za onog ko vam pomaže, takođe.
Heidi Grant - Social psychologist
Heidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making. Full bio
Heidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
So, asking for help
is basically the worst, right?
is basically the worst, right?
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Tražiti pomoć je nešto najgore, zar ne?
00:18
I've actually never seen it
on one of those top ten lists
on one of those top ten lists
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To u stvari nikada nisam videla
na jednoj od onih lista top deset stvari
na jednoj od onih lista top deset stvari
00:22
of things people fear,
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kojih se ljudi plaše,
00:24
like public speaking
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kao što je javni nastup
00:26
and death,
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i smrt,
00:27
but I'm pretty sure
it actually belongs there.
it actually belongs there.
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ali sam prilično sigurna da tamo pripada.
00:31
Even though in many ways it's foolish
for us to be afraid to admit we need help,
for us to be afraid to admit we need help,
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Iako je na mnogo načina blesavo
plašiti se da priznamo da nam treba pomoć,
plašiti se da priznamo da nam treba pomoć,
00:36
whether it's from a loved one
or a friend or from a coworker
or a friend or from a coworker
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bilo da je od voljene osobe
ili od prijatelja ili kolege
ili od prijatelja ili kolege
00:40
or even from a stranger,
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ili čak od stranca,
00:42
somehow it always feel just a little bit
uncomfortable and embarrassing
uncomfortable and embarrassing
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nekako se uvek čini pomalo
neprijatno i sramotno
neprijatno i sramotno
00:47
to actually ask for help,
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zapravo tražiti pomoć,
00:50
which is, of course, why most of us
try to avoid asking for help
try to avoid asking for help
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zbog čega, naravno, većina nas
pokušava da izbegne da traži pomoć
pokušava da izbegne da traži pomoć
00:53
whenever humanly possible.
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kad god je to u ljudskoj moći.
00:55
My father was one of those
legions of fathers
legions of fathers
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Moj otac je bio jedan od mnogih očeva
00:58
who, I swear, would rather drive
through an alligator-infested swamp
through an alligator-infested swamp
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koji bi, kunem se, radije vozio
kroz močvaru punu aligatora
kroz močvaru punu aligatora
01:04
than actually ask someone for help
getting back to the road.
getting back to the road.
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nego tražio pomoć od nekog
da se vrati na put.
da se vrati na put.
01:07
When I was a kid,
we took a family vacation.
we took a family vacation.
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Kada sam bila dete,
išli smo na porodični odmor.
išli smo na porodični odmor.
01:10
We drove from our home in South Jersey
to Colonial Williamsburg.
to Colonial Williamsburg.
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Vozili smo se od naše kuće
u Južnom Džersiju
u Južnom Džersiju
do Kolonijalnog Vilijamsburga.
01:14
And I remember we got really badly lost.
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I sećam se da smo se baš izgubili.
01:17
My mother and I pleaded with him
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Majka i ja smo ga molile
01:20
to please just pull over and ask someone
for directions back to the highway,
for directions back to the highway,
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da lepo stane i pita nekog
kako da se vrati na autoput,
kako da se vrati na autoput,
01:24
and he absolutely refused,
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što je apsolutno odbio,
01:26
and, in fact, assured us
that we were not lost,
that we were not lost,
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i, u stvari, uverio nas
da se nismo izgubili,
da se nismo izgubili,
01:29
he had just always wanted to know
what was over here.
what was over here.
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da je samo oduvek
želeo da zna šta ima ovde.
želeo da zna šta ima ovde.
01:32
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
01:34
So if we're going to ask for help --
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Pa, ako ćemo tražiti pomoć -
01:37
and we have to, we all do,
practically every day --
practically every day --
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a moramo, i to svi, svakog dana -
01:41
the only way we're going to even begin
to get comfortable with it
to get comfortable with it
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jedini način da nam to ikada bude prijatno
01:45
is to get good at it,
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je da postanemo dobri u tome,
01:46
to actually increase the chances
that when you ask for help from someone,
that when you ask for help from someone,
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da zapravo povećamo šanse da,
kada tražimo pomoć od nekog,
kada tražimo pomoć od nekog,
01:50
they're actually going to say yes.
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oni u stvari odgovore potvrdno.
01:52
And not only that, but they're going
to find it actually satisfying
to find it actually satisfying
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I ne samo to, već da se zapravo
osećaju zadovoljno
osećaju zadovoljno
01:56
and rewarding to help you,
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i korisno što su vam pomogli,
01:57
because that way, they'll be motivated
to continue to help you into the future.
to continue to help you into the future.
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jer će tako biti motivisani
da vam i dalje pomažu i ubuduće.
da vam i dalje pomažu i ubuduće.
02:02
So research that I
and some of my colleagues have done
and some of my colleagues have done
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Istraživanje koje smo ja
i neke moje kolege uradili
i neke moje kolege uradili
02:05
has shed a lot of light on why it is
that sometimes people say yes
that sometimes people say yes
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je rasvetlilo zašto ponekad
ljudi kažu „da“
ljudi kažu „da“
02:09
to our requests for help
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kada tražimo pomoć,
02:10
and why sometimes they say no.
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a zašto ponekad kažu „ne“.
02:13
Now let me just start by saying right now:
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Dozvolite da vam odmah kažem:
02:16
if you need help,
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ako vam treba pomoć,
02:18
you are going to have to ask for it.
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moraćete da je tražite.
02:21
Out loud.
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Naglas.
02:22
OK?
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Ok?
02:23
We all, to some extent, suffer
from something that psychologists call
from something that psychologists call
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Svi mi, u nekoj meri, patimo
od nečega što psiholozi nazivaju
od nečega što psiholozi nazivaju
02:27
"the illusion of transparency" --
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iluzija transparentnosti -
02:29
basically, the mistaken belief
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u suštini, pogrešnog verovanja
02:31
that our thoughts
and our feelings and our needs
and our feelings and our needs
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da su naše misli, osećanja i potrebe
02:33
are really obvious to other people.
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skroz očigledne drugim ljudima.
02:37
This is not true, but we believe it.
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To nije tačno, ali mi verujemo u to.
02:39
And so, we just mostly stand around
waiting for someone to notice our needs
waiting for someone to notice our needs
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I tako, mi uglavnom stojimo i čekamo
da neko primeti naše potrebe
da neko primeti naše potrebe
02:43
and then spontaneously offer
to help us with it.
to help us with it.
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i da nam onda spontano ponudi pomoć.
02:46
This is a really, really bad assumption.
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Ovo je stvarno, stvarno loša pretpostavka.
02:48
In fact, not only is it very difficult
to tell what your needs are,
to tell what your needs are,
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U stvari, ne samo da je jako teško
prepoznati koje su naše potrebe,
prepoznati koje su naše potrebe,
02:52
but even the people close to you
often struggle to understand
often struggle to understand
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nego se čak i vama bliski ljudi
često muče da razumeju
često muče da razumeju
02:55
how they can support you.
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kako vam mogu pružiti podršku.
02:57
My partner has actually
had to adopt a habit
had to adopt a habit
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Moj partner je zapravo morao
da stekne naviku
da stekne naviku
03:00
of asking me multiple times a day,
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da me više puta na dan pita
03:03
"Are you OK? Do you need anything?"
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„Jesi li ok? Da li ti treba nešto?“
03:05
because I am so, so bad at signaling
when I need someone's help.
when I need someone's help.
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jer sam ja jako, jako loša
u signaliziranju za pomoć.
u signaliziranju za pomoć.
03:10
Now, he is more patient than I deserve
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On je mnogo strpljiviji
nego što zaslužujem
nego što zaslužujem
03:12
and much more proactive,
much more, about helping
much more, about helping
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i mnogo proaktivniji,
mnogo više posvećen pomaganju
mnogo više posvećen pomaganju
03:16
than any of us have any right
to expect other people to be.
to expect other people to be.
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nego što bilo ko od nas ima pravo
da očekuje od drugih ljudi da budu.
da očekuje od drugih ljudi da budu.
03:20
So if you need help, you're going
to have to ask for it.
to have to ask for it.
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Znači, ako vam treba pomoć,
moraćete da je tražite.
moraćete da je tražite.
03:22
And by the way, even when someone
can tell that you need help,
can tell that you need help,
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I da, čak i kada neko ume da prepozna
da vam treba pomoć,
da vam treba pomoć,
03:26
how do they know that you want it?
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kako da znaju da je želite?
03:29
Did you ever try to give unsolicited help
to someone who, it turns out,
to someone who, it turns out,
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Jeste li ikada pokušali dobrovoljno
da pomognete nekome ko, ipak,
da pomognete nekome ko, ipak,
03:32
did not actually want your help
in the first place?
in the first place?
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uopšte nije želeo vašu pomoć?
03:35
They get nasty real quick, don't they?
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Brzo postanu bezobrazni, zar ne?
03:38
The other day -- true story --
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Pre neki dan - istinita priča -
03:40
my teenage daughter
was getting dressed for school,
was getting dressed for school,
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moja ćerka tinejdžerka
se oblačila za školu,
se oblačila za školu,
03:43
and I decided to give her
some unsolicited help about that.
some unsolicited help about that.
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i odlučila sam da joj dobrovoljno
pomognem sa tim.
pomognem sa tim.
03:46
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:47
I happen to think she looks amazing
in brighter colors.
in brighter colors.
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Ja, eto, mislim da izgleda sjajno
u svetlijim bojama.
u svetlijim bojama.
03:50
She tends to prefer sort of darker,
more neutral tones.
more neutral tones.
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Ona, pak, više voli tamne,
neutralnije tonove.
neutralnije tonove.
03:54
And so I said, very helpfully,
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Pa sam joj rekla, vrlo dobronamerno,
03:56
that I thought maybe
she could go back upstairs
she could go back upstairs
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da mislim da bi možda mogla
da se vrati gore
da se vrati gore
03:59
and try to find something
a little less somber.
a little less somber.
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i proba da nađe nešto manje tmurno.
04:02
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:04
So, if looks could kill,
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Da pogled može da ubije,
04:06
I would not be standing here right now.
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ja ne bih stajala sada ovde.
04:09
We really can't blame other people for not
just spontaneously offering to help us
just spontaneously offering to help us
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Stvarno ne možemo kriviti druge
što nam spontano ne nude pomoć
što nam spontano ne nude pomoć
04:14
when we don't actually know
that that's what is wanted.
that that's what is wanted.
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kada zapravo ne znamo da to želimo.
04:17
In fact, actually, research shows
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U stvari, istraživanje pokazuje
04:19
that 90 percent of the help that coworkers
give one another in the workplace
give one another in the workplace
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da je 90 procenata pomoći koju kolege
pružaju jedni drugima na poslu
pružaju jedni drugima na poslu
04:24
is in response
to explicit requests for help.
to explicit requests for help.
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odgovor na konkretne zahteve za pomoć.
04:28
So you're going to have to say
the words "I need your help." Right?
the words "I need your help." Right?
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Tako da ćete morati da izgovorite
reči: „Treba mi tvoja pomoć.“ Dobro?
reči: „Treba mi tvoja pomoć.“ Dobro?
04:31
There's no getting around it.
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Nema izbegavanja.
04:33
Now, to be good at it,
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Da biste bili dobri u tome,
04:34
to make sure that people actually do
help you when you ask for it,
help you when you ask for it,
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da bi vam ljudi u stvari pomogli
kada im tražite pomoć,
kada im tražite pomoć,
04:37
there are a few other things
that are very helpful to keep in mind.
that are very helpful to keep in mind.
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ima nekoliko korisnih stvari
koje treba da zapamtite.
koje treba da zapamtite.
04:41
First thing: when you ask for help,
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Prvo: kada tražite pomoć,
04:44
be very, very specific
about the help you want and why.
about the help you want and why.
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budite vrlo, vrlo konkretni
o pomoći kakvu želite i zašto.
o pomoći kakvu želite i zašto.
04:49
Vague, sort of indirect requests for help
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Nejasni, pomalo indirektni
zahtevi za pomoć
zahtevi za pomoć
04:53
actually aren't very helpful
to the helper, right?
to the helper, right?
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i nisu baš od pomoći pomagaču, zar ne?
04:56
We don't actually know
what it is you want from us,
what it is you want from us,
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Mi u stvari ne znamo šta želite od nas,
04:59
and, just as important,
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i što je jednako važno,
05:01
we don't know whether or not
we can be successful
we can be successful
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ne znamo da li ćemo uspeti
05:03
in giving you the help.
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da vam pružimo pomoć.
05:05
Nobody wants to give bad help.
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Niko ne želi da pruži lošu pomoć.
05:07
Like me, you probably get
some of these requests
some of these requests
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Kao i ja, i vi verovatno dobijate
neke od ovih ponuda
neke od ovih ponuda
05:10
from perfectly pleasant
strangers on LinkedIn
strangers on LinkedIn
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od zaista prijatnih stranaca na LinkedIn-u
05:13
who want to do things like
"get together over coffee and connect"
"get together over coffee and connect"
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koji žele npr. „da se nađete
na kafi i upoznate“
na kafi i upoznate“
05:18
or "pick your brain."
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ili „da vas pitaju za mišljenje.“
05:21
I ignore these requests
literally every time.
literally every time.
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Ignorišem ove zahteve bukvalno svaki put.
05:24
And it's not that I'm not a nice person.
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I nije da nisam fina osoba.
05:26
It's just that when I don't know
what it is you want from me,
what it is you want from me,
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Nego kada ne znam šta želite od mene,
05:29
like the kind of help
you're hoping that can I provide,
you're hoping that can I provide,
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npr. kakvu pomoć očekujete od mene,
05:32
I'm not interested.
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nisam zainteresovana.
05:34
Nobody is.
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Niko nije.
05:35
I'd have been much more interested
if they had just come out and said
if they had just come out and said
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Bila bih mnogo zainteresovanija
kad bi prosto iskreno rekli
kad bi prosto iskreno rekli
05:39
whatever it is was
they were hoping to get from me,
they were hoping to get from me,
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šta je to što im treba od mene,
05:41
because I'm pretty sure they had
something specific in mind.
something specific in mind.
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jer sam prilično sigurna
da imaju nešto konkretno na umu.
da imaju nešto konkretno na umu.
05:44
So go ahead and say,
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Samo napred i kažite:
05:45
"I'm hoping to discuss opportunities
to work in your company,"
to work in your company,"
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„Nadao sam se da ćemo pričati
o mogućnosti zaposlenja u Vašoj firmi,“
o mogućnosti zaposlenja u Vašoj firmi,“
05:48
or, "I'd like to propose
a joint research project
a joint research project
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ili „Voleo bih da predložim
zajedničko istraživanje
zajedničko istraživanje
05:51
in an area I know you're interested in,"
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u oblasti za koju znam da Vas zanima,“
05:54
or, "I'd like your advice
on getting into medical school."
on getting into medical school."
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ili „Voleo bih Vaš savet
za upis u medicinsku školu.“
za upis u medicinsku školu.“
05:58
Technically, I can't help you
with that last one
with that last one
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Tehnički, sa ovim poslednjim
vam ne mogu pomoći
vam ne mogu pomoći
06:00
because I'm not that kind of doctor,
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jer nisam takva vrsta doktora,
06:02
but I could point you in the direction
of someone who could.
of someone who could.
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ali vas mogu usmeriti
na nekog ko bi mogao.
na nekog ko bi mogao.
06:06
OK, second tip.
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Ok, drugi savet.
06:07
This is really important:
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Ovo je stvarno važno:
06:10
please avoid disclaimers,
apologies and bribes.
apologies and bribes.
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molim vas izbegavajte poricanje,
izvinjavanje i podmićivanje.
izvinjavanje i podmićivanje.
06:15
Really, really important.
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Vrlo, vrlo važno.
06:16
Do any of these sound familiar?
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Da li vam išta od ovog zvuči poznato?
06:18
(Clears throat)
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(Nakašljava se)
06:20
'I'm so, so sorry
that I have to ask you for this."
that I have to ask you for this."
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„Jako mi je žao
što moram ovo da tražim.“
što moram ovo da tražim.“
06:25
"I really hate bothering you with this."
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„Stvarno mrzim što ti dosađujem ovim.“
06:28
"If I had any way of doing this
without your help, I would."
without your help, I would."
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„Da ikako mogu da uradim ovo
bez tvoje pomoći, uradio bih.“
bez tvoje pomoći, uradio bih.“
06:34
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
06:35
Sometimes it feels like people
are so eager to prove
are so eager to prove
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Ponekad se čini da ljudi
uporno žele da pokažu
uporno žele da pokažu
06:38
that they're not weak and greedy
when they ask your for help,
when they ask your for help,
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da nisu slabi i pohlepni
kada vam traže pomoć,
kada vam traže pomoć,
06:41
they're completely missing out
on how uncomfortable
on how uncomfortable
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da potpuno zaborave koliko neprijatno
06:44
they're making you feel.
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čine da se vi osećate.
06:45
And by the way -- how am I supposed
to find it satisfying to help you
to find it satisfying to help you
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I da - kako da ja osećam
zadovoljstvo što vam pomažem
zadovoljstvo što vam pomažem
06:49
if you really hated
having to ask me for help?
having to ask me for help?
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ako vam je bilo baš mrsko
da me pitate za pomoć?
da me pitate za pomoć?
06:53
And while it is perfectly,
perfectly acceptable
perfectly acceptable
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I dok je potpuno, potpuno prihvatljivo
06:56
to pay strangers to do things for you,
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plaćati strancima da urade nešto za vas,
06:59
you need to be very, very careful
when it comes to incentivizing
when it comes to incentivizing
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morate biti jako, jako pažljivi
prilikom podsticanja
prilikom podsticanja
07:03
your friends and coworkers.
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svojih prijatelja i kolega.
07:05
When you have a relationship with someone,
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Kada imate vezu sa nekim,
07:07
helping one another is actually
a natural part of that relationship.
a natural part of that relationship.
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pomaganje je zapravo prirodan deo te veze.
07:11
It's how we show one another that we care.
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Tako pokazujemo jedni drugima
da nam je stalo.
da nam je stalo.
07:13
If you introduce incentives
or payments into that,
or payments into that,
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Kada u to uvedete podsticaj i naplatu,
07:17
what can happen is, it starts to feel
like it isn't a relationship,
like it isn't a relationship,
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može se desiti da počne da se čini
kao da to nije veza,
kao da to nije veza,
07:21
it's a transaction.
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već transakcija.
07:23
And that actually
is experienced as distancing,
is experienced as distancing,
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I to se u stvari doživaljava
kao udaljavanje
kao udaljavanje
07:25
which, ironically, makes people
less likely to help you.
less likely to help you.
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što, ironično, čini da ljudi ređe pomažu.
07:29
So a spontaneous gift
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Spontani poklon
07:31
after someone gives you some help
to show your appreciation and gratitude --
to show your appreciation and gratitude --
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nakon što vam je neko pomogao
kako biste pokazali zahvalnost -
kako biste pokazali zahvalnost -
07:35
perfectly fine.
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je skroz u redu.
07:37
An offer to pay your best friend
to help you move into your new apartment
to help you move into your new apartment
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Da se ponudite da platite drugu
što vam je pomogao da se preselite
što vam je pomogao da se preselite
07:41
is not.
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nije.
07:42
OK, third rule,
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Ok, treće pravilo,
07:44
and I really mean this one:
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i ovo stvarno mislim:
07:45
please do not ask for help
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molim vas nemojte tražiti pomoć
07:48
over email or text.
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porukom ili mejlom.
07:51
Really, seriously, please don't.
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Stvarno, zaista, nemojte molim vas.
07:53
Email and text are impersonal.
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Mejl i poruka su bezlični.
07:56
I realize sometimes
there's no alternative,
there's no alternative,
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Razumem da ponekad nema alternative,
07:58
but mostly what happens is,
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ali uglavnom se dešava
08:01
we like to ask for help
over email and text
over email and text
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da volimo da tražimo pomoć
preko mejla ili poruke
preko mejla ili poruke
08:04
because it feels less awkward
for us to do so.
for us to do so.
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jer nam je tako manje neprijatno.
08:08
You know what else feels
less awkward over email and text?
less awkward over email and text?
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Znate šta je još manje neprijatno
preko mejla i poruke?
preko mejla i poruke?
08:12
Telling you no.
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Da vam kažu „ne“.
08:14
And it turns out, there's
research to support this.
research to support this.
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Ispostavilo se da postoji
istraživanje koje potvrđuje ovo.
istraživanje koje potvrđuje ovo.
08:17
In-person requests for help
are 30 times more likely to get a yes
are 30 times more likely to get a yes
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Lični zahtevi za pomoć
imaju 30 puta veće šanse za „da“
imaju 30 puta veće šanse za „da“
08:22
than a request made by email.
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nego zahtevi upućeni mejlom.
08:25
So when something is really important
and you really need someone's help,
and you really need someone's help,
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Zato kada je nešto jako važno
i jako vam treba nečija pomoć,
i jako vam treba nečija pomoć,
08:28
make face time to make the request,
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nađite vremena da je lično zatražite
08:31
or use your phone as a phone --
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ili koristite svoj telefon kao telefon -
08:34
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
08:36
to ask for the help that you need.
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da tražite potrebnu pomoć.
08:39
OK.
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Ok.
08:40
Last one, and this is actually
a really, really important one
a really, really important one
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Poslednje, i ovo je zapravo
zaista, zaista važno
zaista, zaista važno
08:44
and probably the one
that is most overlooked
that is most overlooked
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i verovatno nešto što najčešće previdimo
08:46
when it comes to asking for help:
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kada je u pitanju traženje pomoći:
08:48
when you ask someone
for their help and they say yes,
for their help and they say yes,
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kada od nekoga tražite pomoć
i oni pristanu,
i oni pristanu,
08:51
follow up with them afterward.
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javite im se kasnije.
08:54
There's a common misconception
that what's rewarding about helping
that what's rewarding about helping
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Često postoji zabluda da je
ono dragoceno kod pomaganja
ono dragoceno kod pomaganja
08:57
is the act of helping itself.
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sam čin pomaganja.
09:00
This is not true.
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To nije tačno.
09:01
What is rewarding about helping
is knowing that your help landed,
is knowing that your help landed,
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Ono što je dragoceno kod pomaganja
je saznanje da je pomoć prihvaćena,
je saznanje da je pomoć prihvaćena,
09:05
that it had impact,
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da je imala uticaj,
09:07
that you were effective.
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da ste bili efektivni.
09:09
If I have no idea
how my help affected you,
how my help affected you,
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Ako ne znam kako je moja pomoć
uticala na vas,
uticala na vas,
09:13
how am I supposed to feel about it?
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kako treba da se osećam zbog toga?
09:14
This happened; I was a university
professor for many years,
professor for many years,
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Evo šta se desilo; bila sam profesor
na univerzitetu mnogo godina,
na univerzitetu mnogo godina,
09:17
I wrote lots and lots
of letters of recommendation
of letters of recommendation
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napisala sam mnoga pisma preporuke
09:20
for people to get jobs
or to go into graduate school.
or to go into graduate school.
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kada je ljudima trebalo za posao
ili postdiplomske studije.
ili postdiplomske studije.
09:22
And probably about 95 percent of them,
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I sa verovatno oko 95% njih
09:25
I have no idea what happened.
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ne znam šta se desilo.
09:27
Now, how do I feel about the time
and effort I took to do that,
and effort I took to do that,
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Kako treba da se osećam zbog vremena
i truda koje sam uložila u to,
i truda koje sam uložila u to,
09:30
when I really have no idea
if I helped you,
if I helped you,
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kada zapravo nemam pojma
da li sam vam pomogla,
da li sam vam pomogla,
da li vam je to zapravo pomoglo
da dobijete ono što ste želeli?
da dobijete ono što ste želeli?
09:33
if it actually helped you
get the thing that you wanted?
get the thing that you wanted?
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09:36
In fact, this idea of feeling effective
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U stvari, ova ideja efektivnosti
09:38
is part of why certain kinds
of donor appeals are so, so persuasive --
of donor appeals are so, so persuasive --
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delom objašnjava zašto su neke
donatorske molbe tako ubedljive -
donatorske molbe tako ubedljive -
09:44
because they allow you
to really vividly imagine
to really vividly imagine
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jer vam omogućavaju da jasno zamislite
09:47
the effect that your help
is going to have.
is going to have.
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kakav efekat će imati vaša pomoć.
09:49
Take something like DonorsChoose.
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Uzmite npr. Donatori biraju.
09:52
You go online, you can choose
the individual teacher by name
the individual teacher by name
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Odete onlajn, možete da izaberete
individualnog nastavnika po imenu
individualnog nastavnika po imenu
09:55
whose classroom you're going
to be able to help
to be able to help
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čijoj učionici ćete moći da pomognete
09:58
by literally buying the specific
items they've requested,
items they've requested,
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tako što ćete bukvalno kupiti
konkretne stvari koje su tražili,
konkretne stvari koje su tražili,
10:01
like microscopes or laptops
or flexible seating.
or flexible seating.
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kao što su mikroskopi ili laptopovi
ili fleksibilne stolice.
ili fleksibilne stolice.
10:05
An appeal like that makes it
so easy for me to imagine
so easy for me to imagine
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Takva molba, zbog koje mi je
tako lako da zamislim
tako lako da zamislim
10:09
the good that my money will do,
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ono dobro što će moj novac uraditi,
10:10
that I actually get
an immediate sense of effectiveness
an immediate sense of effectiveness
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da zapravo odmah osetim efektnost
10:13
the minute I commit to giving.
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u trenutku davanja.
10:15
But you know what else they do?
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Znate šta još oni rade?
10:16
They follow up.
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Daju povratnu informaciju.
10:18
Donors actually get letters
from the kids in the classroom.
from the kids in the classroom.
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Donatori zapravo dobiju pisma
od dece iz učionice.
od dece iz učionice.
10:22
They get pictures.
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Dobiju slike.
10:23
They get to know
that they made a difference.
that they made a difference.
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Saznanje da su doprineli promeni.
10:26
And this is something we need
to all be doing in our everyday lives,
to all be doing in our everyday lives,
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I ovo je nešto što bi svi trebalo
da radimo u svakodnevnom životu,
da radimo u svakodnevnom životu,
10:29
especially if we want people
to continue to give us help
to continue to give us help
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pogotovo ako želimo da ljudi
nastave da nam pružaju pomoć
nastave da nam pružaju pomoć
10:32
over the long term.
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dugoročno.
10:34
Take time to tell your colleague
that the help that they gave you
that the help that they gave you
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Nađite vremena da kažete kolegi
da vam je pomoć koju vam je pružio
da vam je pomoć koju vam je pružio
10:37
really helped you land that big sale,
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zaista pomogla da ostvarite
onu veliku prodaju,
onu veliku prodaju,
10:39
or helped you get that interview
that you were really hoping to get.
that you were really hoping to get.
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ili da dobijete onaj intervju
kojem ste se stvarno nadali.
kojem ste se stvarno nadali.
10:43
Take time to tell your partner
that the support they gave you
that the support they gave you
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Nađite vremena da kažete partneru
da vam je podrška koju ste dobili
da vam je podrška koju ste dobili
10:46
really made it possible for you
to get through a tough time.
to get through a tough time.
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zaista omogućila da prođete
kroz težak period.
kroz težak period.
10:50
Take time to tell your catsitter
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Nađite vremena da kažete
osobi koja vam čuva mačke
osobi koja vam čuva mačke
10:52
that you're super happy
that for some reason,
that for some reason,
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da ste presrećni što, iz nekog razloga,
10:55
this time the cats didn't break
anything while you were away,
anything while you were away,
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ovog puta mačke nisu
razbile ništa dok ste bili odsutni,
razbile ništa dok ste bili odsutni,
10:58
and so they must have done
a really good job.
a really good job.
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tako da mora da su obavili sjajan posao.
11:02
The bottom line is:
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Ovo je suština:
11:03
I know -- believe me, I know --
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znam - verujte mi, znam -
11:05
that it is not easy to ask for help.
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da nije lako tražiti pomoć.
11:09
We are all a little bit afraid to do it.
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Svi se toga po malo plašimo.
11:11
It makes us feel vulnerable.
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Čini da se osećamo ranjivo.
11:13
But the reality of modern work
and modern life
and modern life
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Realnost modernog rada i modernog života
11:18
is that nobody does it alone.
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je da niko ne može sam.
11:20
Nobody succeeds in a vacuum.
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Niko ne uspeva u vakuumu.
11:22
More than ever, we actually do
have to rely on other people,
have to rely on other people,
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Više nego ikada, mi zapravo moramo
da se oslanjamo na druge ljude,
da se oslanjamo na druge ljude,
11:26
on their support and collaboration,
in order to be successful.
in order to be successful.
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na njihovu podršku i saradnju,
kako bismo bili uspešni.
kako bismo bili uspešni.
11:30
So when you need help,
ask for it out loud.
ask for it out loud.
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Zato, kada vam treba pomoć,
tražite je naglas.
tražite je naglas.
11:35
And when you do, do it in a way
that increases your chances
that increases your chances
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I kada je tražite, uradite to tako
da povećate vaše šanse
da povećate vaše šanse
11:38
that you'll get a yes
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da dobijete „da“
11:39
and makes the other person
feel awesome for having helped you,
feel awesome for having helped you,
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i učinite da se druga osoba
oseća sjajno što vam je pomogla,
oseća sjajno što vam je pomogla,
11:44
because you both deserve it.
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jer oboje to zaslužujete.
11:46
Thank you.
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Hvala vam.
11:47
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Heidi Grant - Social psychologistHeidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making.
Why you should listen
Dr. Heidi Grant is the Chief Science Officer for the Neuroleadership Institute, Associate Director of the Motivation Science Center at the Columbia University, and author of six best-selling books, including: Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You, No One Understands You and What to Do About It and Nine Things Successful People Do Differently. In 2017, Grant was named one of Thinkers50's most influential management thinkers globally.
Heidi Grant | Speaker | TED.com