TED@BCG Paris
Leila Hoteit: 3 lessons on success from an Arab businesswoman
莱拉 赫提特: 来自阿拉伯职业女性的3个关于成功的建议
Filmed:
Readability: 4.2
3,853,231 views
阿拉伯职业女性要比同等的男性承受更多责任，而且她们相对于西方女性而言将受更多的文化束缚。她们的成功可以带给我们关于顽强，竞争，优先权和进步怎样的思考？追溯她作为一名工程师、一名提倡者、一位母亲在阿联酋阿布扎比的生涯，莱拉∙赫提特 与我们分享她立足于现代社会的三条经验。
Leila Hoteit - Women's advocate
BCG's Leila Hoteit specializes in human capital and education throughout the Middle East. Full bio
BCG's Leila Hoteit specializes in human capital and education throughout the Middle East. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
"Mom, who are these people?"
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“妈妈，这些人是谁?"，
00:15
It was an innocent question
from my young daughter Alia
from my young daughter Alia
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这个天真的问题来自
我年幼的女儿艾莉娅，
我年幼的女儿艾莉娅，
00:18
around the time when she was three.
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大概在她三岁的时候。
00:20
We were walking along with my husband
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我们当时跟我的丈夫一起，
00:22
in one of Abu Dhabi's big fancy malls.
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走在阿布扎比的
某个高端商场里，
某个高端商场里，
00:25
Alia was peering at a huge poster
standing tall in the middle of the mall.
standing tall in the middle of the mall.
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艾莉娅当时正在看一张
立在商场中心的大海报。
立在商场中心的大海报。
00:29
It featured the three rulers
of the United Arab Emirates.
of the United Arab Emirates.
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海报上是三位
阿联酋的领导人。
阿联酋的领导人。
00:33
As she tucked in my side,
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由于她站在我身旁，
00:35
I bent down and explained
that these were the rulers of the UAE
that these were the rulers of the UAE
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我弯下腰向她解释道，
他们是阿联酋的领导人，
他们是阿联酋的领导人，
00:38
who had worked hard
to develop their nation
to develop their nation
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是他们的辛勤努力，
国家得以发展昌盛，和平完整。
00:40
and preserve its unity.
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00:43
She asked, "Mom, why is it
that here where we live,
that here where we live,
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她问道：“妈妈，
为什么在我们住的地方
为什么在我们住的地方
00:46
and back in Lebanon,
where grandma and grandpa live,
where grandma and grandpa live,
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以及外公外婆住的黎巴嫩，
00:49
we never see the pictures
of powerful women on the walls?
of powerful women on the walls?
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墙上从来没有强大的女性的照片啊？
00:52
Is it because women are not important?"
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是因为女性不重要吗?"
00:56
This is probably the hardest question
I've had to answer in my years as a parent
I've had to answer in my years as a parent
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这恐怕是我为人父母这么多年，
以及在我16年多职业生涯里，
以及在我16年多职业生涯里，
00:59
and in my 16-plus years
of professional life, for that matter.
of professional life, for that matter.
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遇到过最难回答的问题了。
01:04
I had grown up in my hometown in Lebanon,
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我在我的家乡黎巴嫩长大
01:07
the younger of two daughters
to a very hard-working pilot
to a very hard-working pilot
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我是家里两个女儿中较小的那一个，
母亲是一位辛勤工作的飞行员，
母亲是一位辛勤工作的飞行员，
01:10
and director of operations
for the Lebanese Airlines
for the Lebanese Airlines
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同时还担任黎巴嫩
航空公司的运营总监，
航空公司的运营总监，
01:14
and a super-supportive
stay-at-home mom and grandma.
stay-at-home mom and grandma.
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而她同时也是一位非常
顾家的母亲和祖母。
顾家的母亲和祖母。
01:17
My father had encouraged
my sister and I to pursue our education
my sister and I to pursue our education
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我的父亲常常鼓励
姐姐和我坚持接受教育，
姐姐和我坚持接受教育，
01:22
even though our culture
emphasized at the time
emphasized at the time
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即便那时我们的
风俗仍然强调
风俗仍然强调
01:25
that it was sons and not daughters
who should be professionally motivated.
who should be professionally motivated.
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只有儿子应该走上职业道路，
而不是女儿。
而不是女儿。
01:30
I was one of very few girls
of my generation
of my generation
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我是我那一代人里极少数
01:33
who left home at 18 to study abroad.
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在18岁的年纪去外国读书的女孩。
01:36
My father didn't have a son,
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我父亲没有儿子，
01:38
and so I, in a sense, became his.
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所以，从某种意义上来说，
我成为了他的的儿子。
我成为了他的的儿子。
01:42
Fast-forward a couple of decades,
and I hope I didn't do too badly
and I hope I didn't do too badly
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回溯过去几十年，
作为我父亲望子成龙的对象，
作为我父亲望子成龙的对象，
我希望我没有让父亲失望。
01:46
in making my father proud
of his would-be son.
of his would-be son.
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01:50
As I got my Bachelor's and PhD
in electrical engineering,
in electrical engineering,
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我拿到了电子工程学
的学士和博士学位，
的学士和博士学位，
01:53
did R&D in the UK,
then consulting in the Middle East,
then consulting in the Middle East,
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在英国从事过研发工作，
然后在中东做咨询顾问，
然后在中东做咨询顾问，
01:57
I have always been
in male-dominated environments.
in male-dominated environments.
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我总是在一个
男性主导的环境里。
男性主导的环境里。
02:00
Truth be told, I have never found
a role model I could truly identify with.
a role model I could truly identify with.
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坦白地说，我从来没有遇到
一个我所能认同的榜样。
一个我所能认同的榜样。
02:06
My mother's generation
wasn't into professional leadership.
wasn't into professional leadership.
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在我母亲那一代，
没有女性能身居要职。
没有女性能身居要职。
02:09
There were some
encouraging men along the way,
encouraging men along the way,
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一路上也有不少人鼓励我，
但没有人是了解
我所面对的需求和压力，
我所面对的需求和压力，
02:12
but none knew the demands
and pressures I was facing,
and pressures I was facing,
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02:16
pressures that got particularly acute
when I had my own two beautiful children.
when I had my own two beautiful children.
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特别是当我有了我两个可爱的孩子的后，
压力变得尤为难以承受。
压力变得尤为难以承受。
02:21
And although Western women love to give us
poor, oppressed Arab women advice,
poor, oppressed Arab women advice,
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而且尽管西方女性乐于给我们这些
可怜的，被压抑的阿拉伯女性一些忠告，
可怜的，被压抑的阿拉伯女性一些忠告，
02:27
they live different lives
with different constraints.
with different constraints.
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但她们跟我们过着的
是完全不同的生活，不同的挑战。
是完全不同的生活，不同的挑战。
02:31
So Arab women of my generation
have had to become our own role models.
have had to become our own role models.
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所以，我那一代的阿拉伯女性
被迫成为自己的楷模。
被迫成为自己的楷模。
02:35
We have had to juggle more than Arab men,
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我们不得不比阿拉伯男性更
颠沛流离，
颠沛流离，
02:37
and we have had to face
more cultural rigidity than Western women.
more cultural rigidity than Western women.
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而且我们比西方女性
面对着更多的文化束缚。
面对着更多的文化束缚。
02:41
As a result, I would like to think
that we poor, oppressed women
that we poor, oppressed women
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所以现在，我想起我们
那些可怜，被压抑的女性，
那些可怜，被压抑的女性，
02:45
actually have some useful,
certainly hard-earned lessons to share,
certainly hard-earned lessons to share,
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实际上是有一些实用的
深刻的经历来分享，
深刻的经历来分享，
02:50
lessons that might turn out useful
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这些经验也许就会给在如今
02:52
for anyone wishing to thrive
in the modern world.
in the modern world.
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现代社会希望出人头地的一些人，
一些实用的帮助。
一些实用的帮助。
02:55
Here are three of mine.
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接下来是我的三点经验。
02:56
["Convert their sh*t into your fuel."]
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［“把他们的垃圾变成你的动力燃料”］
02:58
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:59
(Applause)
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（掌声）
03:06
There is this word that everybody
is touting as the key to success:
is touting as the key to success:
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有一个词语被每一个人
都用来售卖作为成功的关键：
都用来售卖作为成功的关键：
03:10
resilience.
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坚韧。
03:12
Well, what exactly is resilience,
and how do you develop it?
and how do you develop it?
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那么，到底什么是坚韧，
你又如何培养这个能力呢？
你又如何培养这个能力呢？
03:16
I believe resilience is simply
the ability to transform shit into fuel.
the ability to transform shit into fuel.
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我相信坚韧是一种
将失意转化成动力的能力。
将失意转化成动力的能力。
在我之前的工作
那是现在的很久之前，
那是现在的很久之前，
03:23
In my previous job,
well before my current firm,
well before my current firm,
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我和一个叫作约翰
的男人一同工作。
的男人一同工作。
03:26
I was working with a man
we will call John.
we will call John.
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03:29
I had teamed up with John
and was working hard,
and was working hard,
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我和约翰是一个小组，
我工作极其努力，
我工作极其努力，
03:31
hoping he would notice how great I was
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期望约翰能注意到我很优秀，
03:33
and that he would come to support
my case to make partner at the firm.
my case to make partner at the firm.
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寄希望于他的认可能够
让我在日后工作中更加顺利。
让我在日后工作中更加顺利。
03:38
I was, in addition to delivering
on my consulting projects,
on my consulting projects,
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我除了完成我份内的
顾问项目之外，
顾问项目之外，
还充满热情地写
关于女性经济赋权的课题。
关于女性经济赋权的课题。
03:41
writing passionately on the topic
of women economic empowerment.
of women economic empowerment.
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03:45
One day, I got to present my research
to a roomful of MBA students.
to a roomful of MBA students.
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一天，我要给一房间的工商管理研究生
对于我的研究作报告，
对于我的研究作报告，
03:50
John was part of the audience
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约翰也坐在下面听，
03:52
listening for the first time
to the details of my study.
to the details of my study.
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这是他第一次了解
我研究的细节。
我研究的细节。
03:56
As I proceeded with my presentation,
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就在我报告演讲进行中时，
我可以用余光看到约翰，
03:58
I could see John in the corner of my eye.
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他的脸涨成了深红色，
04:01
He had turned a dark shade of pink
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04:03
and had slid under his chair
in apparent shame.
in apparent shame.
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而且尴尬地从椅子上渐渐滑下。
我报告演讲结束后，
观众给予了我掌声，
观众给予了我掌声，
04:07
I finished my presentation
to an applauding audience
to an applauding audience
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04:10
and we rushed out and jumped into the car.
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我们迅速离开后钻进车里，
04:13
There he exploded.
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在那里，他爆发了，
04:16
"What you did up there was unacceptable!
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“你刚才在那里所做的，是不可以接受的！
04:18
You are a consultant, not an activist!"
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你仅是一名顾问，不是一个激进行动者！”
我说，“约翰，我不明白，
04:21
I said, "John, I don't understand.
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04:24
I presented a couple of
gender parity indices,
gender parity indices,
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我只是陈述了一些
关于性别平等的指数，
关于性别平等的指数，
总结了一下当今
阿拉伯世界面临的事实。
阿拉伯世界面临的事实。
04:27
and some conclusions about the Arab world.
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04:29
Yes, we do happen to be today
at the bottom of the index,
at the bottom of the index,
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是的，我们今天
的确处在指数的底层，
的确处在指数的底层，
但是，我所说的或者是我所
呈现的有任何不符合事实吗?”
呈现的有任何不符合事实吗?”
04:32
but what is it that I said or presented
that was not factual?"
that was not factual?"
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04:37
To which he replied,
"The whole premise of your study is wrong.
"The whole premise of your study is wrong.
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他回答说，
“你整个研究的前提就是错误的，
“你整个研究的前提就是错误的，
04:41
What you are doing is dangerous and will
break the social fabric of our society."
break the social fabric of our society."
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你想做的是极其危险的，
将破坏我们社会的结构。”
将破坏我们社会的结构。”
04:45
He paused, then added,
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他顿了一下，继续说，
04:48
"When women have children,
their place is in the home."
their place is in the home."
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“当女人有了孩子，
她们归属就是家庭。”
她们归属就是家庭。”
时间在我们之间
凝固了很长一段时间，
凝固了很长一段时间，
04:53
Time stood still for a long while,
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在我一时混乱的脑海中，
我唯一清楚并反复的是，
我唯一清楚并反复的是，
04:55
and all I could think and repeat
in the chaos of my brain was:
in the chaos of my brain was:
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“我们之间的合作关系
到此为止了，力里亚，
到此为止了，力里亚，
04:59
"You can forget about
that partnership, Leila.
that partnership, Leila.
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以后再也不可能继续了。"
05:01
It's just never going to happen."
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05:04
It took me a couple of days to fully
absorb this incident and its implications,
absorb this incident and its implications,
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我花费了好几天的时间来完全
吸收这件事以及它给我带来的影响，
吸收这件事以及它给我带来的影响，
05:08
but once I did,
I reached three conclusions.
I reached three conclusions.
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当我彻底想通此事时，
我有了三个结论。
我有了三个结论。
05:12
One, that these were his issues,
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第一，这些是他的问题，
应是令他棘手问题，
05:14
his complexes.
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05:16
There may be many like him in our society,
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社会上也许会有
很多像他一样的人。
很多像他一样的人。
05:18
but I would never let
their issues become mine.
their issues become mine.
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但是我绝不会让
他们的问题变成我的。
他们的问题变成我的。
05:21
Two, that I needed
another sponsor, and fast.
another sponsor, and fast.
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第二，我需要另找合作方了，
而且要快，
而且要快，
05:24
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
05:25
I got one, by the way,
and boy, was he great.
and boy, was he great.
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顺便一提，之后我很快有了一个
合作者，一个年轻人，他很棒。
合作者，一个年轻人，他很棒。
第三点，我要展现给约翰看
为人父母的女性所能成就的。
为人父母的女性所能成就的。
05:27
And three, that I would get to show John
what women with children can do.
what women with children can do.
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05:32
I apply this lesson equally well
to my personal life.
to my personal life.
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我将这次教训也运用
在了我的个人生活中。
在了我的个人生活中。
05:35
As I have progressed in my career,
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随着我事业继续发展，
05:37
I have received many words
of encouragement,
of encouragement,
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我收到了很多鼓励的话语，
05:40
but I have also often been met
by women, men and couples
by women, men and couples
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但是我也常常遇到
很明显对于我和我老公
很明显对于我和我老公
05:44
who have clearly had an issue
with my husband and I
with my husband and I
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双事业家庭这样的的选择
05:47
having chosen the path
of a dual-career couple.
of a dual-career couple.
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存在异议的男女以及夫妇。
所以，你会遇到善意的夫妇
05:50
So you get this well-meaning couple
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05:52
who tells you straight out
at a family gathering
at a family gathering
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在家庭聚会或是朋友聚会上，
05:55
or at a friends gathering,
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直接告诉你，
05:56
that, come on, you must know
you're not a great mom,
you're not a great mom,
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“你肯定知道你不是一个
很称职的母亲对吧？
很称职的母亲对吧？
因为你对于事业
投入了太多”
投入了太多”
05:58
given how much you're investing
in your career, right?
in your career, right?
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06:02
I would lie if I said
these words didn't hurt.
these words didn't hurt.
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如果我说这些言论对我
没有伤害，那是不可能的。
没有伤害，那是不可能的。
06:05
My children are the most
precious thing to me,
precious thing to me,
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对我来说，我的孩子
是我最宝贵的东西，
是我最宝贵的东西，
06:07
and the thought that I could be
failing them in any way is intolerable.
failing them in any way is intolerable.
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想想我若对不起我的孩子，
对我来说都是无法忍受的。
对我来说都是无法忍受的。
06:12
But just like I did with John,
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但就像我对待约翰一样，
06:14
I quickly reminded myself
that these were their issues,
that these were their issues,
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我很快提醒我自己，
这些是他们的问题，
这些是他们的问题，
他们棘手的事情。
06:17
their complexes.
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06:19
So instead of replying,
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所以我没有做回复，
06:20
I gave back one of my largest smiles
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只以一个大大的微笑作为回应。
因为我在脑海中看到
06:23
as I saw, in flashing light,
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06:25
the following sign in my mind's eye.
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如图的一个闪光。
［快乐，使人力量无穷］
06:27
[Be happy, it drives people crazy.]
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06:29
(Applause)
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（掌声）
06:34
You see, as a young woman
in these situations, you have two options.
in these situations, you have two options.
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你看，作为一个年轻女性
在这些情况下，你有两个选择。
在这些情况下，你有两个选择。
你要么选择吸收这些
06:38
You can either decide
to internalize these negative messages
to internalize these negative messages
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扔向你的负面信息
06:41
that are being thrown at you,
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让它们使你觉得
你是一个失败者，
你是一个失败者，
06:42
to let them make you feel like a failure,
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1976
就好像成功
对你而言遥不可及，
对你而言遥不可及，
06:44
like success is way too hard
to ever achieve,
to ever achieve,
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06:47
or you can choose to see that others'
negativity is their own issue,
negativity is their own issue,
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或者你可以选择认为别人
消极的东西是他们自己的问题，
消极的东西是他们自己的问题，
然后将它们转换成
你自己的动力。
你自己的动力。
06:50
and instead transform it
into your own personal fuel.
into your own personal fuel.
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06:54
I have learned
to always go for option two,
to always go for option two,
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我总是选择后者，
而且我发现它一次又一次的
让我获得力量。
让我获得力量。
06:58
and I have found that it has taken me
from strength to strength.
from strength to strength.
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07:01
And it's true what they say:
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有一句话说的是真的：
07:03
success is the best revenge.
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成功是最好的报复。
一些在中东的女性
07:06
Some women in the Middle East
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足够幸运地和
支持她们事业的人结了婚。
支持她们事业的人结了婚。
07:08
are lucky enough to be married
to someone supportive of their career.
to someone supportive of their career.
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07:11
Correction: I should say "smart enough,"
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不对，我应该说：“足够聪明地”，
因为和谁结婚
是你自己的选择，
是你自己的选择，
07:14
because who you marry is your own choice,
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如果你计划一个长期的事业，
你最好和一个支持你的人结婚。
你最好和一个支持你的人结婚。
07:16
and you'd better marry someone supportive
if you plan to have a long career.
if you plan to have a long career.
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［“解决生活中的问题，
去适时将工作从生活中拿掉”］
去适时将工作从生活中拿掉”］
07:21
Still today, the Arab man
is not an equal contributor in the home.
is not an equal contributor in the home.
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直到如今，阿拉伯男人
在家庭里仍不是一个平等贡献者
在家庭里仍不是一个平等贡献者
07:25
It's simply not expected by our society,
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家庭的两性平等是
不被我们社会所期待的，
不被我们社会所期待的，
否则男性甚至会
被嘲笑不是很男人。
被嘲笑不是很男人。
07:27
and even frowned upon as not very manly.
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07:31
As for the Arab woman,
our society still assumes
our society still assumes
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对于一个阿拉伯女人
我们的社会仍然认为
我们的社会仍然认为
她快乐的主要来源
应该建立在孩子和丈夫
应该建立在孩子和丈夫
07:34
that her primary source of happiness
should be the happiness and prosperity
should be the happiness and prosperity
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的快乐和发展上。
07:37
of her children and husband.
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1936
她的存在主要就是为了家庭。
07:39
She mostly exists for her family.
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07:43
Things are changing,
but it will take time.
but it will take time.
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事情在有所改变，
但是这需要一些时间。
但是这需要一些时间。
07:45
For now, it means
that the professional Arab woman
that the professional Arab woman
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所以现在，这意味着
一个阿拉伯职业女性
一个阿拉伯职业女性
07:48
has to somehow maintain the perfect home,
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莫名地就需要，
维持一个完美的家庭，
维持一个完美的家庭，
确保她孩子的每个需要
都能得到满足的同时，
都能得到满足的同时，
07:51
make sure that her children's every need
is being taken care of
is being taken care of
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还要经营她繁忙的事业。
07:54
and manage her demanding career.
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07:57
To achieve this, I have found the hard way
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为了实现这个，
我发现了一个有力的方法，
我发现了一个有力的方法，
你必须将你辛苦学到的职业技能，
运用到你的个人生活中去。
运用到你的个人生活中去。
08:01
that you need to apply your hard-earned
professional skills to your personal life.
professional skills to your personal life.
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你需要去解决生活中的问题。
08:05
You need to work your life.
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这是我在我个人生活中所做的。
08:08
Here is how I do this in my personal life.
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08:12
One thing to know about the Middle East
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关于中东必须知道的一件事，
是几乎每个家庭都会有一个
承担得起的家庭保姆。
承担得起的家庭保姆。
08:14
is that nearly every family
has access to affordable domestic help.
has access to affordable domestic help.
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08:19
The challenge therefore becomes
how to recruit effectively.
how to recruit effectively.
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因此，挑战变成了：
如何有效地雇佣？
如何有效地雇佣？
08:23
Just like I would in my business life,
I have based the selection
I have based the selection
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就像我在我的事业生活中所做的，
我在一个可靠的推荐中，
我在一个可靠的推荐中，
选择了一名，
在我工作时间
在我工作时间
08:26
of who would support me
with my children while I'm at work
with my children while I'm at work
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08:29
on a strong referral.
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能够帮忙照顾我孩子的人选。
08:31
Cristina had worked
for four years with my sister
for four years with my sister
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克里斯蒂娜为我的妹妹
工作了四年。
工作了四年。
她的工作能力
是很高的。
是很高的。
08:34
and the quality of her work
was well-established.
was well-established.
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她现在融入到我们
家庭成员中的一员，
家庭成员中的一员，
08:37
She is now an integral
member of our family,
member of our family,
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自从艾莉娅6个月大的时候
就和我们在一起，
就和我们在一起，
08:40
having been with us
since Alia was six months old.
since Alia was six months old.
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08:43
She makes sure that the house
is running smoothly while I'm at work,
is running smoothly while I'm at work,
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她确保我在工作的时候
家里一切事务井井有条，
家里一切事务井井有条，
我确保给予她一定的自由度
08:46
and I make sure to empower her
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在对她和我孩子
合适的范围内，
合适的范围内，
08:49
in the most optimal conditions
for her and my children,
for her and my children,
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08:52
just like I would my best talent at work.
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就像我对待在工作中
最好的员工一样。
最好的员工一样。
08:55
This lesson applies
whatever your childcare situation,
whatever your childcare situation,
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这个经验可以运用到你任何一个
照顾孩子的情况里，
照顾孩子的情况里，
08:59
whether an au pair, nursery,
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2416
无论是一个互惠生，一个护士，
09:01
part-time nanny
that you share with someone else.
that you share with someone else.
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还是你和人共用的
兼职保姆。
兼职保姆。
09:03
Choose very carefully, and empower.
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都需要谨慎地选择，
然后授权给她们。
然后授权给她们。
如果你看我的日程安排，
09:08
If you look at my calendar,
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你将会看到每个工作日
09:09
you will see every working day
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1976
从阿联酋时间晚上7点
到8点半的那一个半小时
到8点半的那一个半小时
09:11
one and a half hours
from 7pm to 8:30pm UAE time
from 7pm to 8:30pm UAE time
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3696
09:15
blocked and called "family time."
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1960
被留出来，称作“家庭时间”。
09:17
This is sacred time.
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1536
这是宝贵的的时间。
自从艾莉娅还是婴儿时，
我就坚持做这个。
我就坚持做这个。
09:19
I have done this
ever since Alia was a baby.
ever since Alia was a baby.
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我会尽一切努力
去保护留有这段时间。
去保护留有这段时间。
09:23
I do everything in my power
to protect this time
to protect this time
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09:25
so that I can be home by then
to spend quality time with my children,
to spend quality time with my children,
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那么我可以在这段时间里
回到家里陪孩子们充实地度过，
回到家里陪孩子们充实地度过，
询问她们他们的一天过得怎么样，
09:28
asking them about their day,
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1400
检查他们的功课，
给他们阅读床上故事，
给他们阅读床上故事，
09:31
checking up on homework,
reading them a bedtime story
reading them a bedtime story
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2896
09:34
and giving them
lots of kisses and cuddles.
lots of kisses and cuddles.
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2576
然后给他们很多
亲吻和拥抱。
亲吻和拥抱。
09:36
If I'm traveling,
in whatever the time zone,
in whatever the time zone,
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如果我在出差，
不论在哪个时区，
不论在哪个时区，
我都会用Skype和我的孩子通话，
即使我在千里之外。
即使我在千里之外。
09:39
I use Skype to connect with my children
even if I am miles away.
even if I am miles away.
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3480
09:44
Our son Burhan is five years old,
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我们的儿子布尔汗今年五岁，
他正在学习阅读和
做一些基本的算数，
做一些基本的算数，
09:46
and he's learning to read
and do basic maths.
and do basic maths.
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2560
09:49
Here's another confession:
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我在这里要坦白一下：
我发现我们的女儿在
教授他这些技能上
教授他这些技能上
09:51
I have found that our daughter
is actually more successful
is actually more successful
186
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2736
09:54
at teaching him these skills than I am.
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1896
比我更成功。
（观众笑声）
09:56
(Laughter)
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1720
09:58
It started as a game, but Alia loves
playing teacher to her little brother,
playing teacher to her little brother,
189
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4056
开始是一个游戏，但是艾丽娅爱上了
给她的小弟弟扮演老师，
给她的小弟弟扮演老师，
10:02
and I have found that these sessions
actually improve Burhan's literacy,
actually improve Burhan's literacy,
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5176
我发现在这过程中实际上
提高了布尔汗的读写能力，
提高了布尔汗的读写能力，
增加了艾丽娅的责任感，
10:08
increase Alia's sense of responsibility,
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2376
而且加强了他们之间的纽带，
10:10
and strengthen the bonding between them,
192
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1976
10:12
a win-win all around.
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一个双赢的局面。
10:15
The successful Arab women I know
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我知道的成功的阿拉伯女性，
10:17
have each found their unique approach
to working their life
to working their life
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605760
3136
每个人都发现了她们独特的方式
去经营她们的生活，
去经营她们的生活，
随着她们继续
10:20
as they continue to shoulder
196
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1376
去分享家庭的责任。
10:22
the lion's share
of responsibility in the home.
of responsibility in the home.
197
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2696
10:25
But this is not just
about surviving in your dual role
about surviving in your dual role
198
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2616
但这不仅仅是关于
生存在你的双重角色中，
生存在你的双重角色中，
10:27
as a career woman and mother.
199
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1696
作为一个职业女性和母亲。
10:29
This is also about being in the present.
200
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这也是关于如何活在当下。
当我和孩子相处的时候，
10:33
When I am with my children,
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10:34
I try to leave work out of our lives.
202
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2416
我试着将工作从生活中拿掉。
不去担心我每天能
和他们在一起多少分钟，
和他们在一起多少分钟，
10:37
Instead of worrying about how many minutes
I can spend with them every day,
I can spend with them every day,
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4016
我将这些时间专注在
值得记忆的瞬间上，
值得记忆的瞬间上，
10:41
I focus on turning these minutes
into memorable moments,
into memorable moments,
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3776
在那些瞬间里
我看见了我的孩子，
我看见了我的孩子，
10:45
moments where I'm seeing my kids,
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2216
听见他们，和他们产生连接。
10:47
hearing them, connecting with them.
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1816
［“凝聚力量，不要竞争”］
10:49
["Join forces, don't compete."]
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1776
我那一代的阿拉伯女人
在她们长大的过程中，
在她们长大的过程中，
10:51
Arab women of my generation
have not been very visible
have not been very visible
208
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2776
没有在公众眼里受重视。
10:53
in the public eye as they grew up.
209
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2096
10:55
This explains, I think, to some extent,
210
643960
1896
这在某种程度上，我认为，解释了
为什么你发现在阿拉伯
政界里的女人很少。
政界里的女人很少。
10:57
why you find so few women
in politics in the Arab world.
in politics in the Arab world.
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2680
然而，这个现象积极的一面
11:01
The upside of this, however,
212
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1496
11:02
is that we have spent a lot of time
213
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2096
是我们花费了很多时间
11:04
developing a social skill
behind the scenes,
behind the scenes,
214
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2440
默默地培养出社交能力，
11:09
in coffee shops, in living rooms,
215
657040
1776
在咖啡厅里，在客厅里，
在电话里，
11:10
on the phone,
216
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1216
11:12
a social skill that is
very important to success:
very important to success:
217
660080
2776
一个对成功很重要的
社交技能就是：
社交技能就是：
人脉。
11:14
networking.
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1656
我会说，一般的阿拉伯女性
11:16
I would say the average Arab woman
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664560
1656
有一个很大的由朋友和
熟人组成的人脉网络，
熟人组成的人脉网络，
11:18
has a large network
of friends and acquaintances.
of friends and acquaintances.
220
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2536
他们中的大部分也是女性。
11:20
The majority of those are also women.
221
668800
2000
11:24
In the West, it seems like ambitious women
often compare themselves to other women
often compare themselves to other women
222
672400
3976
在西方，似乎雄心勃勃的女性
常常拿她们自己和其她女人比较，
常常拿她们自己和其她女人比较，
11:28
hoping to be noticed as the most
successful woman in the room.
successful woman in the room.
223
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3160
希望作为房间里最
成功的女性而被注意到。
成功的女性而被注意到。
这就形成了“职业女性”
11:32
This leads to the much-spoken-about
competitive behavior
competitive behavior
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2776
11:35
between professional women.
225
683160
1320
都是争强好胜的印象。
11:37
If there's only room
for one woman at the top,
for one woman at the top,
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2176
假如一山不容二虎，
没人会让出她们的地盘，
更不会提拔她们的下属。
更不会提拔她们的下属。
11:39
then you can't make room for others,
much less lift them up.
much less lift them up.
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2840
阿拉伯女人，很大程度上说，
11:43
Arab women, generally speaking,
228
691760
1496
没有陷入这样的
心理陷阱中。
心理陷阱中。
11:45
have not fallen
for this psychological trap.
for this psychological trap.
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2240
面对着一个由男性主导的社会，
11:48
Faced with a patriarchal society,
230
696280
1936
11:50
they have found
that by helping each other out,
that by helping each other out,
231
698240
2336
她们发现通过帮助对方，
大家都受益。
11:52
all benefit.
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在我之前的工作中，
我是最资深的中东女性，
我是最资深的中东女性，
11:55
In my previous job, I was the most
senior woman in the Middle East,
senior woman in the Middle East,
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3176
11:58
so one could think that investing
in my network of female colleagues
in my network of female colleagues
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3856
所以人们会想，在我的
女性社交网络里投入
女性社交网络里投入
不会带来太大益处。
12:02
couldn't bring many benefits
235
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1576
所以应该投入时间在
12:03
and that I should instead invest my time
236
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发展我和年长有资历的男性
以及同龄男性的关系上。
以及同龄男性的关系上。
12:06
developing my relationships
with male seniors and peers.
with male seniors and peers.
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至此，我事业上两个最大的突破来自于
其她女性的支持上。
其她女性的支持上。
12:09
Yet two of my biggest breaks
came through the support of other women.
came through the support of other women.
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一位是营销部的领导，
最先提议
最先提议
12:14
It was the head of marketing
who initially suggested
who initially suggested
239
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我应该作为一个年轻的全球领导者
去参加全球经济会谈。
去参加全球经济会谈。
12:16
I be considered as a young global leader
to the World Economic Forum.
to the World Economic Forum.
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她对我的媒体参与和
发表很熟悉，
发表很熟悉，
12:20
She was familiar with my media engagements
and my publications,
and my publications,
241
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然后当她被要求
推荐人选的时候，
推荐人选的时候，
12:23
and when she was asked
to voice her opinion,
to voice her opinion,
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她强调了我的名字。
12:25
she highlighted my name.
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12:27
It was a young consultant,
a Saudi lady and friend,
a Saudi lady and friend,
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另一位是年轻的咨询顾问家
一位来自沙特的女性朋友，
一位来自沙特的女性朋友，
12:29
who helped me sell
my first project in Saudi Arabia,
my first project in Saudi Arabia,
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她帮助了我销售
在沙特阿拉伯的第一个项目，
在沙特阿拉伯的第一个项目，
12:32
a market I was finding hard
to gain traction in as a woman.
to gain traction in as a woman.
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一个我发现女人
很难打入的市场。
很难打入的市场。
12:36
She introduced me to a client,
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她介绍我给一位客户，
12:38
and that introduction led to the first
of very many projects for me in Saudi.
of very many projects for me in Saudi.
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然后那次的介绍成为了之后我
在沙特很多项目的开端。
在沙特很多项目的开端。
12:42
Today, I have two senior women on my team,
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现在我的团队里有
两位资深的女性雇员，
两位资深的女性雇员，
12:45
and I see making them successful
as key to my own success.
as key to my own success.
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我看到，使她们成功
也是我成功的关键。
也是我成功的关键。
12:50
Women continue to advance in the world,
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女性会继续开拓世界，
12:52
not fast enough, but we're moving.
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不够快速，但是我们在前进，
12:54
The Arab world, too, is making progress,
despite many recent setbacks.
despite many recent setbacks.
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阿拉伯世界也是在取得进展，
尽管最近遇到不少障碍。
尽管最近遇到不少障碍。
12:58
Just this year, the UAE appointed
five new female ministers to its cabinet,
five new female ministers to its cabinet,
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就在今年，阿联酋新指派了
五位女性内阁部长。
五位女性内阁部长。
13:03
for a total of eight female ministers.
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现在总共有八位女性内阁部长。
13:06
That's nearly 28 percent of the cabinet,
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那是将近28％的内阁成员的数量，
13:09
and more than many
developed countries can claim.
developed countries can claim.
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而且比很多发达国家
声称的数量多。
声称的数量多。
13:11
This is today my daughter
Alia's favorite picture.
Alia's favorite picture.
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这如今是我女儿艾丽娅
最喜欢的一张图片。
最喜欢的一张图片。
13:15
This is the result,
no doubt, of great leadership,
no doubt, of great leadership,
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这毫无疑问是
强大领导力的结果，
强大领导力的结果，
13:17
but it is also the result
of strong Arab women
of strong Arab women
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但这也是一个个
不屈不挠的阿拉伯女性
不屈不挠的阿拉伯女性
13:20
not giving up and continuously
pushing the boundaries.
pushing the boundaries.
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不放弃地坚持
开拓挑战边界的结果。
开拓挑战边界的结果。
13:23
It is the result of Arab women
deciding every day like me
deciding every day like me
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这是像我一样的
阿拉伯女性决定每天
阿拉伯女性决定每天
13:27
to convert shit into fuel,
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去将消极转化为动力，
13:29
to work their life
to keep work out of their life,
to keep work out of their life,
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去解决生活中的问题，
去适时将工作从生活中拿掉，
去适时将工作从生活中拿掉，
去凝聚力量，而不是去攀比竞争。
13:32
and to join forces and not compete.
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13:34
As I look to the future,
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随着我向未来展望，
13:36
my hopes for my daughter
when she stands on this stage
when she stands on this stage
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我对我女儿的希望是
二三十年后，
二三十年后，
13:38
some 20, 30 years from now
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她若站上这个舞台，
13:40
are that she be as proud
to call herself her mother's daughter
to call herself her mother's daughter
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她作为她父亲的女儿，
也会很自豪地自称为，
也会很自豪地自称为，
13:43
as her father's daughter.
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她母亲的女儿。
13:46
My hopes for my son
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我对我儿子的希望
13:47
are that by then, the expression
"her mother's son" or "mama's boy"
"her mother's son" or "mama's boy"
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是到了那个时候，“她母亲的儿子”
或者“妈妈的男孩”
或者“妈妈的男孩”
13:51
would have taken on
a completely different meaning.
a completely different meaning.
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会有一个完全不一样的意义。
13:54
Thank you.
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感谢大家。
13:55
(Applause)
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（掌声）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Leila Hoteit - Women's advocateBCG's Leila Hoteit specializes in human capital and education throughout the Middle East.
Why you should listen
Dr. Leila Hoteit is a partner and managing director at BCG, based in Dubai. She leads the education and human capital development work in the Middle East.
Dr. Hoteit's career spans over 13 years in the management consulting industry. As part of her assignments, Dr. Hoteit has covered a slew of in-depth societal issues that punctuate the MENA region; these include education, women's empowerment, human capital development, employment and culture. Dr. Hoteit was named Young Global Leader for the World Economic Forum in 2014 -- a multi-stakeholder community of exceptional young leaders who share a commitment to shaping the global future. Dr. Hoteit holds a Bachelor's degree and PhD in Electrical Engineering from Imperial College London, as well as an MBA from France's INSEAD. She is the author of multiple patents.
Leila Hoteit | Speaker | TED.com