TED2016
Lidia Yuknavitch: The beauty of being a misfit
莉迪婭．約克娜薇琪: 「格格不入」之美
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致那些認為自己與周遭格格不入的人：一個"不合適"者也有屬於自己的美好。作家莉迪婭．約克娜薇琪以回憶來拼湊出她跌跌撞撞的人生歷程——一系列從失去到恥辱，到最終接受自己的心境轉變。她說：「就算在遭受挫折的那個當下，你也是美麗的。」「你或許不會意識到，但是那個不斷試圖絕地重生的你，是極其耀眼的。那是獨屬於你自己的美。」
Lidia Yuknavitch - Author
In her acclaimed novels and memoir, author Lidia Yuknavitch navigates the intersection of tragedy and violence to draw new roadmaps for self-discovery. Full bio
In her acclaimed novels and memoir, author Lidia Yuknavitch navigates the intersection of tragedy and violence to draw new roadmaps for self-discovery. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
So I know TED is about a lot
of things that are big,
of things that are big,
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我知道TED上談論的大多是重要的大事，
00:16
but I want to talk to you
about something very small.
about something very small.
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但是我想跟你們分享一件小小事。
00:20
So small, it's a single word.
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非常小的事，只是單單的一個詞：
00:23
The word is "misfit."
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這個詞叫作「不合群」。
00:25
It's one of my favorite words,
because it's so literal.
because it's so literal.
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這是我最喜愛的詞，
因為它是如此地切和字面上的意思——
因為它是如此地切和字面上的意思——
00:29
I mean, it's a person
who sort of missed fitting in.
who sort of missed fitting in.
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我的意思是，那意味著，
一個人錯過了融入群體的機會。
一個人錯過了融入群體的機會。
00:33
Or a person who fits in badly.
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或是指一個人融入得非常糟糕。
00:36
Or this: "a person who is poorly adapted
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或該這麼說：無法良好適應
00:39
to new situations and environments."
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新的處境與環境的一個人。
00:43
I'm a card-carrying misfit.
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我就是一個不折不扣的「不合群者」。
00:46
And I'm here for the other
misfits in the room,
misfits in the room,
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而為了其他不合群者，我站在這裡，
00:49
because I'm never the only one.
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因為在不合群的人中，
我永遠不是唯一一個。
我永遠不是唯一一個。
00:51
I'm going to tell you a misfit story.
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我現在要和你們說一個不合群者的故事。
00:55
Somewhere in my early 30s,
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當我三十出頭時，
00:57
the dream of becoming a writer
came right to my doorstep.
came right to my doorstep.
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成為一位作家的夢想
近得彷彿就在我眼前。
近得彷彿就在我眼前。
01:02
Actually, it came to my mailbox
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實際上，它來到了我的郵箱中，
01:03
in the form of a letter that said
I'd won a giant literary prize
I'd won a giant literary prize
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一封信件表示
我獲得了一個知名文學獎項。
我獲得了一個知名文學獎項。
01:07
for a short story I had written.
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得獎的是我寫的一篇短篇故事。
01:10
The short story was about my life
as a competitive swimmer
as a competitive swimmer
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短篇故事的內容是關於我
作為優秀游泳選手的生活，
作為優秀游泳選手的生活，
01:14
and about my crappy home life,
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還有我糟透了的家庭生活。
01:17
and a little bit about how grief
and loss can make you insane.
and loss can make you insane.
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另外還有那些關於傷痛和失去
是如何逼瘋人的。
是如何逼瘋人的。
01:23
The prize was a trip to New York City
to meet big-time editors and agents
to meet big-time editors and agents
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獲獎的獎勵是一趟旅程：
前往紐約會見一流的編輯，著作經紀人
前往紐約會見一流的編輯，著作經紀人
01:28
and other authors.
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以及其他的作家。
01:30
So kind of it was the wannabe
writer's dream, right?
writer's dream, right?
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這就是一個立志成為作家的人的
夢想，對吧？
夢想，對吧？
01:34
You know what I did the day
the letter came to my house?
the letter came to my house?
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但你知道我在拿到信的那天做了什麼嗎？
01:38
Because I'm me,
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因為我就是我，
01:39
I put the letter on my kitchen table,
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我把信件放在廚房的桌上，
01:42
I poured myself a giant glass of vodka
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喝了一大杯伏特加，
01:45
with ice and lime,
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加了冰塊和萊姆片，
01:48
and I sat there in my underwear
for an entire day,
for an entire day,
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我穿著內衣坐在那裡一整天，
01:52
just staring at the letter.
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只是盯著信看。
01:56
I was thinking about all the ways
I'd already screwed my life up.
I'd already screwed my life up.
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我在想我一路是如何
把自己的人生搞砸的。
把自己的人生搞砸的。
01:59
Who the hell was I to go to New York City
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該死的那個要前往紐約、
02:02
and pretend to be a writer?
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裝作是一名作家的我到底是誰？
02:05
Who was I?
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我是誰？
02:07
I'll tell you.
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我來告訴你。
02:08
I was a misfit.
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我是個不合群的人。
02:10
Like legions of other children,
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就像眾多孩子一樣，
02:13
I came from an abusive household
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我來自一個家暴家庭，
02:16
that I narrowly escaped with my life.
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我幾乎用盡自己的生命逃脫。
02:19
I already had two epically
failed marriages underneath my belt.
failed marriages underneath my belt.
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我已經經歷了兩段史詩般失敗的婚姻。
02:24
I'd flunked out of college
not once but twice
not once but twice
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我被大學退學不只一次，
而是兩次。
而是兩次。
02:27
and maybe even a third time
that I'm not going to tell you about.
that I'm not going to tell you about.
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或許還有第三次，
但我不打算告訴你們。
但我不打算告訴你們。
02:30
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:32
And I'd done an episode
of rehab for drug use.
of rehab for drug use.
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我經歷過一次戒毒療程。
02:36
And I'd had two lovely
staycations in jail.
staycations in jail.
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我有兩段美好的居家休假——
在監獄裡。
在監獄裡。
02:42
So I'm on the right stage.
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我很適合這個舞台不是嗎。
02:45
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:48
But the real reason,
I think, I was a misfit,
I think, I was a misfit,
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但真正的理由，
我想，是因為我是個不適應環境的人。
我想，是因為我是個不適應環境的人。
02:52
is that my daughter died
the day she was born,
the day she was born,
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我女兒在她出生當天去世，
02:55
and I hadn't figured out
how to live with that story yet.
how to live with that story yet.
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而我還不知道要如何面對這件事。
03:00
After my daughter died
I also spent a long time homeless,
I also spent a long time homeless,
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在我女兒去世後，
我有很長一段時間無家可歸，
我有很長一段時間無家可歸，
03:05
living under an overpass
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住在天橋下，
03:07
in a kind of profound state
of zombie grief and loss
of zombie grief and loss
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沉溺在一種行屍走肉般的悲痛
和失去所有的沉重情緒中，
和失去所有的沉重情緒中，
03:11
that some of us encounter along the way.
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那是我們部分人會經歷的過程。
03:14
Maybe all of us, if you live long enough.
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也許我們所有人都會經歷——如果你活得夠長。
03:18
You know, homeless people
are some of our most heroic misfits,
are some of our most heroic misfits,
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你知道，無家可歸者是最英勇的不合群者，
03:22
because they start out as us.
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因為他們和我們有著一樣的開始。
03:26
So you see, I'd missed fitting in
to just about every category out there:
to just about every category out there:
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所以你可以發現，我幾乎無法良好地適應
在這當中所有的角色：
在這當中所有的角色：
03:32
daughter, wife, mother, scholar.
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女兒、妻子、母親、學生。
03:37
And the dream of being a writer
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而成為作家的夢想
03:39
was really kind of like a small,
sad stone in my throat.
sad stone in my throat.
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一直都如此悲傷而渺小，
讓我感覺如鯁在喉。
讓我感覺如鯁在喉。
03:46
It was pretty much in spite of myself
that I got on that plane
that I got on that plane
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我不由自主地上了那架飛機，
03:50
and flew to New York City,
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並且飛到了紐約市，
03:52
where the writers are.
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那些作家所在的地方。
03:55
Fellow misfits, I can almost
see your heads glowing.
see your heads glowing.
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各位不合群的人，
我幾乎可以看到你們頭上的光芒。
我幾乎可以看到你們頭上的光芒。
03:58
I can pick you out of a room.
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我可以把你們從這裡認出來。
04:00
At first, you would've loved it.
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一開始，你們會喜歡的。
04:03
You got to choose the three
famous writers you wanted to meet,
famous writers you wanted to meet,
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你得到機會，
可以選擇三位你最想會見的知名作家，
可以選擇三位你最想會見的知名作家，
04:06
and these guys went
and found them for you.
and found them for you.
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然後他們會為你找到那些作家。
04:08
You got set up at the Gramercy Park Hotel,
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你被安置在格拉梅西公園酒店，
04:11
where you got to drink Scotch
late in the night
late in the night
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在那裡你可以喝蘇格蘭威士忌
直到深夜，
直到深夜，
04:14
with cool, smart, swank people.
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和一群酷炫、聰明、愛出風頭的人一起，
04:16
And you got to pretend you were cool
and smart and swank, too.
and smart and swank, too.
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而你也要裝作自己很酷炫、聰明、愛出風頭。
04:21
And you got to meet a bunch
of editors and authors and agents
of editors and authors and agents
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接著，你要去會見許多編輯、作家與著作經紀人，
04:24
at very, very fancy lunches and dinners.
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在非常、非常豪華別緻的午餐和晚餐廳中。
04:29
Ask me how fancy.
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問問我有多豪華。
04:31
Audience: How fancy?
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（觀眾）：有多豪華？
04:34
Lidia Yuknavitch: I'm making a confession:
I stole three linen napkins --
I stole three linen napkins --
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我現在要來自首：
我偷了三條亞麻餐巾——
我偷了三條亞麻餐巾——
04:38
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:40
from three different restaurants.
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來自三間不同的餐廳。
04:42
And I shoved a menu down my pants.
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我還塞了一份菜單到我的褲子裡。
04:44
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:46
I just wanted some keepsakes
so that when I got home,
so that when I got home,
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我只是想要一些紀念品,
所以當我回家之後，
所以當我回家之後，
04:50
I could believe it had really
happened to me.
happened to me.
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我可以相信這一切
真的曾經發生在我身上過。
真的曾經發生在我身上過。
04:53
You know?
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你知道嗎？
04:55
The three writers I wanted to meet
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我所想會見的三名作家
04:57
were Carole Maso, Lynne Tillman
and Peggy Phelan.
and Peggy Phelan.
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是卡羅爾．馬索、琳恩．提爾曼、佩姬．菲蘭。
05:00
These were not famous,
best-selling authors,
best-selling authors,
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這些並不是有名的暢銷作家，
05:03
but to me, they were women-writer titans.
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但對我來說，她們是女性作家中的翹楚。
05:07
Carole Maso wrote the book
that later became my art bible.
that later became my art bible.
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卡羅爾．馬索寫的書成為了我心目中的藝術聖經。
05:12
Lynne Tillman gave me
permission to believe
permission to believe
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琳恩．提爾曼讓我相信
05:14
that there was a chance
my stories could be part of the world.
my stories could be part of the world.
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我的故事有機會成為這個世界的一部分。
05:18
And Peggy Phelan reminded me
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而佩姬．菲蘭提醒我
05:20
that maybe my brains
could be more important than my boobs.
could be more important than my boobs.
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或許我的大腦比我的胸部更重要。
05:27
They weren't mainstream women writers,
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她們不是主流女性作家，
05:30
but they were cutting a path
through the mainstream
through the mainstream
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但是她們用自身故事
05:34
with their body stories,
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從主流裡另闢蹊徑。
05:36
I like to think, kind of the way
water cut the Grand Canyon.
water cut the Grand Canyon.
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我喜歡思考，
想要知道流水是如何切出大峽谷的。
想要知道流水是如何切出大峽谷的。
05:41
It nearly killed me with joy
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和這三名超過五十歲的女作家相談——
05:43
to hang out with these three
over-50-year-old women writers.
over-50-year-old women writers.
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這種喜悅感幾乎讓我無法自拔。
05:46
And the reason it nearly
killed me with joy
killed me with joy
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而讓我無法自拔的原因是
05:49
is that I'd never known a joy like that.
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我從不知道有這樣一種喜悅。
05:52
I'd never been in a room like that.
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我從沒有待在這樣一種房間。
05:54
My mother never went to college.
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我母親沒有上過大學。
05:56
And my creative career to that point
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從這一點上來說，我的創作生涯，
05:59
was a sort of small, sad, stillborn thing.
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只是個渺小、卑微、胎死腹中的東西。
06:05
So kind of in those first nights
in New York I wanted to die there.
in New York I wanted to die there.
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所以我幾乎想要死在紐約，
因為那些充滿初體驗的美好夜晚。
因為那些充滿初體驗的美好夜晚。
06:08
I was just like, "Kill me now.
I'm good. This is beautiful."
I'm good. This is beautiful."
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就像是「殺了我吧，
太好了，這實在是太美好了。」
太好了，這實在是太美好了。」
06:13
Some of you in the room
will understand what happened next.
will understand what happened next.
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你們一部分人
會理解接下來發生的事。
會理解接下來發生的事。
06:16
First, they took me to the offices
of Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
of Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
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首先，他們把我帶到法勒、
斯特勞斯和吉魯的辦公室。
斯特勞斯和吉魯的辦公室。
06:21
Farrar, Straus and Giroux
was like my mega-dream press.
was like my mega-dream press.
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法勒、斯特勞斯和吉魯
是我的夢想中的出版社。
是我的夢想中的出版社。
06:25
I mean, T.S. Eliot and Flannery O'Connor
were published there.
were published there.
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艾略特的詩集和
弗蘭納里．奧康納的小說都在那裡出版。
弗蘭納里．奧康納的小說都在那裡出版。
06:29
The main editor guy sat me down
and talked to me for a long time,
and talked to me for a long time,
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那裡的主編請我坐下
並和我談了許久。
並和我談了許久。
06:33
trying to convince me I had a book in me
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他試圖說服我寫一本書，
06:36
about my life as a swimmer.
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有關身為游泳選手的我的人生。
06:38
You know, like a memoir.
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你知道，就像本回憶錄。
06:40
The whole time he was talking to me,
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他對我說話的過程中，
06:42
I sat there smiling and nodding
like a numb idiot,
like a numb idiot,
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我坐在那，雙手環抱胸前，
06:47
with my arms crossed over my chest,
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不停傻笑、點頭像個傻瓜。
06:49
while nothing, nothing, nothing
came out of my throat.
came out of my throat.
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然而我並沒有開口說出任何
任何一個字。
任何一個字。
06:55
So in the end, he patted me
on the shoulder
on the shoulder
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所以到了最後，
他拍了拍我的肩膀，
他拍了拍我的肩膀，
06:59
like a swim coach might.
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就像個游泳教練一樣，
07:01
And he wished me luck
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他祝我好運。
07:03
and he gave me some free books
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然後他給了我一些免費的書籍，
07:05
and he showed me out the door.
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指引我從何離開。
07:09
Next, they took me
to the offices of W.W. Norton,
to the offices of W.W. Norton,
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接著，他們將我帶到
W.W.諾頓的辦公室，
W.W.諾頓的辦公室，
07:12
where I was pretty sure
I'd be escorted from the building
I'd be escorted from the building
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我相當肯定，龐克打扮的我，
07:15
just for wearing Doc Martens.
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會有人一起陪同前往。
07:18
But that didn't happen.
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然而這並沒有發生。
07:20
Being at the Norton offices
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待在諾頓的辦公室裡，
07:22
felt like reaching up into the night sky
and touching the moon
and touching the moon
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感覺就像在夜空中伸手觸碰月亮的美好，
07:27
while the stars stitched your name
across the cosmos.
across the cosmos.
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而宇宙中的星星正閃爍著編織我的名字。
07:31
I mean, that's how big
a deal it was to me.
a deal it was to me.
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我的意思是，
這對我來說是多麼了不起的一件事。
這對我來說是多麼了不起的一件事。
07:33
You get it?
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你能明白嗎？
07:35
Their lead editor, Carol Houck Smith,
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他們的主編，卡羅爾．霍克史密斯，
07:38
leaned over right in my face
with these beady, bright, fierce eyes
with these beady, bright, fierce eyes
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在我面前傾身，
用明亮、熱烈、犀利的目光，
用明亮、熱烈、犀利的目光，
07:42
and said, "Well, send me
something then, immediately!"
something then, immediately!"
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告訴我：
「馬上把你的一些作品寄給我！」
「馬上把你的一些作品寄給我！」
07:46
See, now most people,
especially TED people,
especially TED people,
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看吧，大部分的人
尤其是來到TED這裡的人
尤其是來到TED這裡的人
07:48
would have run to the mailbox, right?
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會馬上衝去郵箱，對吧？
07:51
It took me over a decade to even imagine
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我簡直難以想像把一些我寫的東西
07:54
putting something in an envelope
and licking a stamp.
and licking a stamp.
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放入信封再舔一下郵票會是什麼樣子。
08:00
On the last night,
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在紐約的最後一晚，
08:02
I gave a big reading
at the National Poetry Club.
at the National Poetry Club.
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我在全國詩歌社裡
參加了一場讀書會。
參加了一場讀書會。
08:06
And at the end of the reading,
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讀書會結束時，
08:08
Katharine Kidde of Kidde,
Hoyt & Picard Literary Agency,
Hoyt & Picard Literary Agency,
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凱德出版社的凱瑟琳．凱德
和霍伊特與皮卡德著作經紀人
和霍伊特與皮卡德著作經紀人
08:12
walked straight up to me and shook my hand
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徑直地走向我，與我握手，
08:15
and offered me representation,
like, on the spot.
like, on the spot.
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並且當場提供給我代理權。
08:20
I stood there and I kind of went deaf.
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我呆立著，突然聾了。
08:23
Has this ever happened to you?
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你們經歷過這種事嗎？
08:25
And I almost started crying
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我幾乎要哭出來了。
08:27
because all the people in the room
were dressed so beautifully,
were dressed so beautifully,
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因為整個房間的人
穿著都是如此華麗，
穿著都是如此華麗，
08:31
and all that came out of my mouth was:
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然後從我口中說出的卻是：
08:34
"I don't know. I have to think about it."
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「我不知道，讓我考慮一下。」
08:38
And she said, "OK, then," and walked away.
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然後她說了「當然。」
便離開了。
便離開了。
08:44
All those open hands out to me,
that small, sad stone in my throat ...
that small, sad stone in my throat ...
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儘管機會之門對我一次次敞開，
我仍舊如鯁在喉，無法說出口……
我仍舊如鯁在喉，無法說出口……
08:51
You see, I'm trying to tell you something
about people like me.
about people like me.
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你現在知道了，
我在說的是那些和我一樣的人。
我在說的是那些和我一樣的人。
08:55
Misfit people -- we don't always know
how to hope or say yes
how to hope or say yes
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不合群的人——我們不知道如何期待，
甚至不會開口説一個「好」
甚至不會開口説一個「好」
08:59
or choose the big thing,
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也不知道去選擇那些「大好事」。
09:01
even when it's right in front of us.
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就算那些機會明擺在我們面前。
09:03
It's a shame we carry.
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這是我們無法擺脫的一種恥辱。
09:04
It's the shame of wanting something good.
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這是一種想得到美好的東西的恥辱。
09:06
It's the shame of feeling something good.
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這是一種感受到美好的東西的恥辱。
09:08
It's the shame of not really believing
we deserve to be in the room
we deserve to be in the room
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這是一種，不相信自己能和景仰的人
待在同一個屋簷下的恥辱。
待在同一個屋簷下的恥辱。
09:13
with the people we admire.
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這是一種，不相信自己能和景仰的人
待在同一個房間裡的恥辱。
待在同一個房間裡的恥辱。
09:16
If I could, I'd go back
and I'd coach myself.
and I'd coach myself.
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如果可以，
我想回到過去。
我想回到過去。
09:19
I'd be exactly like those
over-50-year-old women who helped me.
over-50-year-old women who helped me.
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像那些曾經幫助過我的
五十歲女人一樣，告訴自己，
五十歲女人一樣，告訴自己，
09:23
I'd teach myself how to want things,
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我可以去追求想要的東西，
09:25
how to stand up, how to ask for them.
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我可以向前站出去，
可以要求得到那些屬於我的東西。
可以要求得到那些屬於我的東西。
09:28
I'd say, "You! Yeah, you!
You belong in the room, too."
You belong in the room, too."
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我會說：「你，對就是你！
你值得站在這裡！」
你值得站在這裡！」
09:32
The radiance falls on all of us,
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我們容光煥發，
09:34
and we are nothing without each other.
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沒有了其他人，我們什麼也不是。
09:39
Instead, I flew back to Oregon,
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可現實卻是，
我飛回了俄勒岡。
我飛回了俄勒岡。
09:42
and as I watched the evergreens
and rain come back into view,
and rain come back into view,
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當我看著雨打在常青樹上時，
09:48
I just drank many tiny bottles
of airplane "feel sorry for yourself."
of airplane "feel sorry for yourself."
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我只是試圖喝酒澆愁。
09:53
I thought about how, if I was a writer,
I was some kind of misfit writer.
I was some kind of misfit writer.
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我會想，如果我是個作家，
我也會是位不合群的作家。
我也會是位不合群的作家。
09:59
What I'm saying is,
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我想說的是，
10:00
I flew back to Oregon without a book deal,
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我沒有簽下任何一個出版書約，
10:02
without an agent,
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只是隻身一人回到了俄勒岡，
沒有著作經紀人，
沒有著作經紀人，
10:03
and with only a headful
and heart-ful of memories
and heart-ful of memories
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只有滿滿的美好回憶。
10:06
of having sat so near
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我曾那麼地靠近，
10:09
the beautiful writers.
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和那些出色的作家站在一起。
10:12
Memory was the only prize
I allowed myself.
I allowed myself.
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這些回憶，
是我留給自己的唯一獎勵。
是我留給自己的唯一獎勵。
10:17
And yet, at home in the dark,
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然而，當我回到家中的一片黑暗，
10:21
back in my underwear,
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穿回我的內衣時，
10:23
I could still hear their voices.
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我仍然聽得到他們的聲音。
10:26
They said, "Don't listen to anyone
who tries to get you to shut up
who tries to get you to shut up
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他們說，「別聽那些想叫你閉嘴的人的話。」
10:30
or change your story."
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「不要讓他們改變你的故事。」
10:32
They said, "Give voice to the story
only you know how to tell."
only you know how to tell."
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他們說，「把這些故事說出來，
表達只有你知道的這些感受。」
表達只有你知道的這些感受。」
10:36
They said, "Sometimes telling the story
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他們說，「有時候，能夠改變你的人生的，
只是講述一個故事。」
只是講述一個故事。」
10:39
is the thing that saves your life."
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他們說，「有時候，能夠改變你的人生的，
只是講述一個故事。」
只是講述一個故事。」
10:43
Now I am, as you can see,
the woman over 50.
the woman over 50.
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現在，就在你眼前，
我是個五十多歲的女人了。
我是個五十多歲的女人了。
10:48
And I'm a writer.
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而我是位作家。
10:50
And I'm a mother.
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1227
我也是位母親。
10:52
And I became a teacher.
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然後我又成為了一位老師。
10:54
Guess who my favorite students are.
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猜猜我最喜愛的學生是誰？
10:58
Although it didn't happen the day
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雖然這並沒有發生在
11:00
that dream letter came through my mailbox,
197
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那封夢幻般的信件
抵達我郵箱的那一天，
抵達我郵箱的那一天，
11:02
I did write a memoir,
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我的確寫了本回憶錄，
11:04
called "The Chronology of Water."
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叫做《似水年華》。
11:06
In it are the stories of how many times
I've had to reinvent a self
I've had to reinvent a self
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故事內容是關於
我如何從一團糟的人生選擇岔路裡
我如何從一團糟的人生選擇岔路裡
11:11
from the ruins of my choices,
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一次次不斷地重生。
11:14
the stories of how my seeming failures
were really just weird-ass portals
were really just weird-ass portals
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講述的是
有關於我那些表面上糟透了的失敗
有關於我那些表面上糟透了的失敗
11:20
to something beautiful.
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最終如何奇蹟般通往美好的路途。
11:22
All I had to do
was give voice to the story.
was give voice to the story.
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我所需要做的唯一一件事情
就是把故事說出口，賦予它們生命。
就是把故事說出口，賦予它們生命。
11:27
There's a myth in most cultures
about following your dreams.
about following your dreams.
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許多文化中
都有一種「追逐夢想」的神話傳說。
都有一種「追逐夢想」的神話傳說。
11:32
It's called the hero's journey.
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那可以稱為勇者的旅途。
11:35
But I prefer a different myth,
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但是，
我更喜歡另外一種神話。
我更喜歡另外一種神話。
11:37
that's slightly to the side of that
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一種有別於傳統的、
11:39
or underneath it.
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不為人知的神話。
11:41
It's called the misfit's myth.
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1852
那是「不合群者的傳說」。
11:43
And it goes like this:
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過程是像這樣子的：
11:45
even at the moment of your failure,
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2255
就算在你陷落於低谷的失敗中，
11:47
right then, you are beautiful.
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在那個挫折的當下，你也是耀眼的。
11:51
You don't know it yet,
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那時的你
或許不會意識到，
或許不會意識到，
11:52
but you have the ability
to reinvent yourself
to reinvent yourself
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無止盡地
試圖絕地重生的你，
試圖絕地重生的你，
11:55
endlessly.
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也是耀眼的。
11:57
That's your beauty.
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那是獨屬於你的美。
11:59
You can be a drunk,
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你可以酗酒，
12:01
you can be a survivor of abuse,
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你可以從虐待中逃脫，
12:03
you can be an ex-con,
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你可以有犯罪前科，
12:05
you can be a homeless person,
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你可以是無家可歸的人，
12:06
you can lose all your money
or your job or your husband
or your job or your husband
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你可以失去所有財產、工作
或是你的伴侶，
或是你的伴侶，
12:09
or your wife, or the worst thing of all,
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甚至是全天下最糟糕的事情——
12:12
a child.
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失去了孩子。
12:13
You can even lose your marbles.
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甚至失去了你最珍貴的東西。
12:15
You can be standing dead center
in the middle of your failure
in the middle of your failure
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你可以孤立在失敗的正中心，
12:20
and still, I'm only here to tell you,
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然而，我在這裡要告訴你，
12:22
you are so beautiful.
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你如此美好。
12:25
Your story deserves to be heard,
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你的故事值得被聽見，
12:27
because you, you rare
and phenomenal misfit,
and phenomenal misfit,
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因為你是稀有而獨一無二的，
12:31
you new species,
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你是與眾不同的。
12:34
are the only one in the room
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你是這個地方的「唯一」，
12:36
who can tell the story
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用獨獨屬於你自己的方式
講述你的故事。
講述你的故事。
12:38
the way only you would.
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用獨獨屬於你自己的方式
講述你的故事。
講述你的故事。
12:41
And I'd be listening.
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而我會用心聆聽。
12:44
Thank you.
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謝謝。
12:46
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Lidia Yuknavitch - AuthorIn her acclaimed novels and memoir, author Lidia Yuknavitch navigates the intersection of tragedy and violence to draw new roadmaps for self-discovery.
Why you should listen
Writer Lidia Yuknavitch discovered her calling after an interrupted journey as a would-be Olympic swimmer. Her prose erases the boundaries between memoir and fiction, explodes gender binaries and focuses on the visceral minutiae of the body.
She was inspired by Ken Kesey (with whom she collaborated on a collective novel project at Oregon University); her latest book, The Small Backs of Children, stands as a fictional counterpoint to her memoir The Chronology of Water, which has garnered her a cult following for its honesty and intensity.
Lidia Yuknavitch | Speaker | TED.com