ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jia Jiang - Author, blogger, entrepreneur
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine.

Why you should listen

Jia Jiang is the owner of Rejection Therapy, a website that provides inspiration, knowledge and products for people to overcome their fear of rejection. He is also the CEO of Wuju Learning, a company that teaches people and trains organizations to become fearless through rejection training. In 2015, he authored a bestselling book, Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection.

Several years after Jiang began his career in the corporate world, he took a life-altering risk and stepped into the unknown world of entrepreneurship. His result was everyone's biggest fear: rejection. This was the catalyst that set Jiang on the path to his true calling.

To conquer the fear of rejection, Jiang embarked on a personal quest and started a blog, 100 Days of Rejection Therapy. His journey revealed a world that was hidden in plain sight -- a world where people are much kinder than we imagine. He discovered that rejection can be much less painful than we believe and that the fear of rejection is much more destructive than we know.

Jiang grew up in Beijing, China and migrated to the United States at age 16. He holds a Bachelor of Computer Science from Brigham Young University and a Master of Business Administration from Duke University.

More profile about the speaker
Jia Jiang | Speaker | TED.com
TEDxMtHood

Jia Jiang: What I learned from 100 days of rejection

蔣佳: 我在被拒絕的100天裡所學到的

Filmed:
6,040,624 views

蔣佳勇敢地探險我們中的很多人都害怕的領域——拒絕。通過在100天裡尋求拒絕，從向一個陌生人借100美金到在餐館裡請求“漢堡續杯”。蔣佳化解拒絕帶來的痛苦和羞恥，並在這個過程中，發現隻要詢問你所想要的，你能在死路裡打開可能。
- Author, blogger, entrepreneur
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
When I was six六 years年份 old舊,
0
760
1616
當我六歲的時候，
00:14
I received收到 my gifts禮品.
1
2400
1240
我收到了禮物。
00:16
My first grade年級 teacher老師
had this brilliant輝煌 idea理念.
2
4320
3456
我一年級的老師有了一個很棒的主意。
00:19
She wanted us to experience經驗
receiving接收 gifts禮品
3
7800
3336
她想讓我們感受接受禮物
00:23
but also也 learning學習 the virtue美德
of complimenting稱讚 each每 other.
4
11160
4000
同時學習贊美別人的美德。
00:27
So she had all of us
come to the front面前 of the classroom課堂,
5
15640
2896
所以她讓我們所有人走到教室前面，
00:30
and she bought買 all of us gifts禮品
and stacked堆疊 them in the corner角.
6
18560
2976
她給我們每個人帶了禮物，堆在牆角。
00:33
And she said,
7
21560
1216
然后她說：
00:34
"Why don't we just stand站 here
and compliment讚揚 each每 other?
8
22800
2656
“讓我們站在這裡並贊美對方吧。
00:37
If you hear聽 your name名稱 called叫,
9
25480
1576
如果你聽到你的名字，
00:39
go and pick挑 up your gift禮品 and sit坐 down."
10
27080
2200
走上前，領取你的禮物並坐下。”
00:42
What a wonderful精彩 idea理念, right?
11
30520
1480
多棒的主意，對嗎？
00:44
What could go wrong錯誤?
12
32880
1216
能出什麼錯？
00:46
(Laughter笑聲)
13
34120
1520
（笑聲）
00:48
Well, there were 40 of us to start開始 with,
14
36400
2056
開始，有40個孩子，
00:50
and every一切 time I heard聽說
someone's誰家 name名稱 called叫,
15
38480
2456
每一次我聽到別人被叫到名字，
00:53
I would give out the heartiest衷心 cheer歡呼.
16
40960
1800
我都會送出真摯的贊美。
00:55
And then there were 20 people left,
17
43280
2496
然后剩下20個人，
00:57
and 10 people left,
18
45800
1776
10個人，
00:59
and five五 left ...
19
47600
1360
5個人……
01:01
and three三 left.
20
49560
1376
最后剩下了3個人。
01:03
And I was one of them.
21
50960
1200
而我是其中一個。
01:04
And the compliments讚美 stopped停止.
22
52720
1600
贊美停止了。
01:07
Well, at that moment時刻, I was crying哭了.
23
55560
2040
在那個時候，我在哭泣。
01:10
And the teacher老師 was freaking再用 out.
24
58600
2016
老師也不知所措。
01:12
She was like, "Hey, would anyone任何人
say anything nice不錯 about these people?"
25
60640
3656
她說：“嘿，有任何人願意
說一些這些同學的好話嗎？”
01:16
(Laughter笑聲)
26
64319
1217
（笑聲）
01:17
"No one? OK, why don't you
go get your gift禮品 and sit坐 down.
27
65560
2976
“沒人？好吧。那你們
去領取禮物並坐下吧。
01:20
So behave表現 next下一個 year年 --
28
68560
1256
所以明年好好表現，
01:21
someone有人 might威力 say
something nice不錯 about you."
29
69840
2096
可能會有人說一些你的好話。”
01:24
(Laughter笑聲)
30
71960
1760
（笑聲）
01:26
Well, as I'm describing說明 this you,
31
74520
1616
我向你描述這件事，
01:28
you probably大概 know
I remember記得 this really well.
32
76160
2376
你可能會知道我對這件事記憶猶新。
01:30
(Laughter笑聲)
33
78560
1600
（笑聲）
01:32
But I don't know who felt氈 worse更差 that day.
34
80800
2096
但是我不知道誰感覺更糟糕，
01:35
Was it me or the teacher老師?
35
82920
2176
我還是我的老師？
01:37
She must必須 have realized實現
that she turned轉身 a team-building團隊建設 event事件
36
85120
3136
她一定意識到了
她把一個團結合作的活動
01:40
into a public上市 roast烤
for three三 six-year-olds六歲的孩子.
37
88280
2800
變成了一個三個6歲孩子的尷尬時刻。
01:43
And without無 the humor幽默.
38
91800
1256
撇開幽默不談，
01:45
You know, when you see
people get roasted烤 on TV電視,
39
93080
2336
你知道當你在電視上
看到別人尷尬的時候，
01:47
it was funny滑稽.
40
95440
1216
那很好笑。
01:48
There was nothing funny滑稽 about that day.
41
96680
1858
那天一點都不好笑。
01:51
So that was one version版 of me,
42
99320
3016
所以那是一個版本的我，
01:54
and I would die死 to avoid避免
being存在 in that situation情況 again --
43
102360
3496
我會以死避免那種情況的發生，
01:57
to get rejected拒絕 in public上市 again.
44
105880
1880
在眾目睽睽中被拒絕。
02:00
That's one version版.
45
108440
1456
這是一個版本。
02:02
Then fast-forward快進 eight八 years年份.
46
109920
2456
快進8年。
02:04
Bill法案 Gates蓋茨 came來了 to my hometown家鄉 --
47
112400
1976
比爾蓋茨來到我的家鄉
02:06
Beijing北京, China中國 --
48
114400
1216
中國北京
02:07
to speak說話,
49
115640
1216
做演講。
02:08
and I saw his message信息.
50
116880
1736
我看到了他的演講，
02:10
I fell下跌 in love with that guy.
51
118640
2296
我對他深深的著迷。
02:13
I thought, wow哇,
I know what I want to do now.
52
120960
2896
我認為，哇，
我現在我知道我想做什麼了。
02:15
That night I wrote寫 a letter信 to my family家庭
53
123880
2136
那個晚上我給我的家人寫了一封信
02:18
telling告訴 them: "By age年齡 25,
54
126040
2296
告訴他們，“在25歲之前，
02:20
I will build建立 the biggest最大
company公司 in the world世界,
55
128360
2616
我會建造世界上最大的公司，
02:23
and that company公司 will buy購買 Microsoft微軟."
56
131000
1936
而且那個公司會買下微軟。”
02:25
(Laughter笑聲)
57
132960
1896
（笑聲）
02:26
I totally完全 embraced擁抱 this idea理念
of conquering征服 the world世界 --
58
134880
2616
我完全接受了這個征服世界的主意，
02:29
domination統治, right?
59
137520
1200
統治，對吧。
02:31
And I didn't make this up,
I did write寫 that letter信.
60
139160
2816
我不是憑空捏造，我真的寫了那封信。
02:34
And here it is --
61
142000
1336
就是這個——
02:35
(Laughter笑聲)
62
143360
1976
（笑聲）
02:37
You don't have to read讀 this through通過 --
63
145360
1816
你沒必要看完，
02:39
(Laughter笑聲)
64
147200
1776
（笑聲）
02:41
This is also也 bad壞 handwriting手寫,
but I did highlight突出 some key鍵 words話.
65
149000
3240
字跡很差，但是我強調了一些重點詞。
02:45
You get the idea理念.
66
153600
1216
你會明白。
02:46
(Laughter笑聲)
67
154840
1776
（笑聲）
02:48
So ...
68
156640
1200
所以……
02:51
that was another另一個 version版 of me:
69
159280
2016
這是另外一個版本的我，
02:53
one who will conquer征服 the world世界.
70
161320
1680
一個想要征服世界的我。
02:55
Well, then two years年份 later後來,
71
163880
1456
好吧，兩年后，
02:57
I was presented呈現 with the opportunity機會
to come to the United聯合的 States狀態.
72
165360
3936
我發現了一個來美國的機會，
03:01
I jumped跳下 on it,
73
169320
1576
我接受了它，
03:03
because that was
where Bill法案 Gates蓋茨 lived生活, right?
74
170920
2216
因為這是比爾蓋茨生活的地方，對嗎？
03:05
(Laughter笑聲)
75
173160
1216
（笑聲）
03:06
I thought that was the start開始
of my entrepreneur企業家 journey旅程.
76
174400
2640
我認為這是我企業家生涯的開始。
03:09
Then, fast-forward快進 another另一個 14 years年份.
77
177680
2176
然后，快進14年，
03:11
I was 30.
78
179880
1416
我三十歲。
03:13
Nope不, I didn't build建立 that company公司.
79
181320
2376
沒，我沒有建立那家公司。
03:15
I didn't even start開始.
80
183720
1536
我甚至沒有開始。
03:17
I was actually其實 a marketing營銷 manager經理
for a Fortune幸運 500 company公司.
81
185280
3976
我事實上是一個
500強企業的營銷經理。
03:21
And I felt氈 I was stuck卡住;
82
189280
1616
我感覺我卡住了，
03:23
I was stagnant滯.
83
190920
1200
我停滯不前。
03:25
Why is that?
84
193080
1216
為什麼？
03:26
Where is that 14-year-old-歲
who wrote寫 that letter信?
85
194320
2240
那個寫了那封信的
14歲的孩子去哪了？
03:29
It's not because he didn't try.
86
197480
1477
不是因為他沒有嘗試。
03:31
It's because every一切 time I had a new新 idea理念,
87
199480
3056
是因為每次我有了新的主意，
03:34
every一切 time I wanted to try something new新,
88
202560
1976
每次我想嘗試一些新的東西，
03:36
even at work --
89
204560
1216
甚至在工作，
03:37
I wanted to make a proposal提案,
90
205800
1736
我想提出一個提案，
03:39
I wanted to speak說話 up
in front面前 of people in a group組 --
91
207560
3536
我想在一群人面前說出來，
03:43
I felt氈 there was this constant不變 battle戰鬥
92
211120
1816
我感覺在6歲的我和14歲的我之間
03:45
between之間 the 14-year-old-歲
and the six-year-old六十歲.
93
212960
2776
有著持續的戰斗。
03:47
One wanted to conquer征服 the world世界 --
94
215760
2136
一個想征服世界，
03:50
make a difference區別 --
95
217920
1216
做出一些改變，
03:51
another另一個 was afraid害怕 of rejection拒絕.
96
219160
2120
另一個害怕拒絕。
03:54
And every一切 time that six-year-old六十歲 won韓元.
97
221960
2520
然而每次那個6歲的我都贏了。
03:57
And this fear恐懼 even persisted堅持
after I started開始 my own擁有 company公司.
98
225760
3976
這個恐懼甚至持續
到我開始自己的公司。
04:01
I mean, I started開始
my own擁有 company公司 when I was 30 --
99
229760
3136
我的意思是，我在
30歲的時候成立我的公司，
04:05
if you want to be Bill法案 Gates蓋茨,
100
232920
1416
如果你想當比爾蓋茨，
04:06
you've got to start開始
sooner早 or later後來, right?
101
234360
2040
你遲早要開始的，對嗎？
04:09
When I was an entrepreneur企業家,
102
237080
2536
當我是一個企業家的時候，
04:11
I was presented呈現
with an investment投資 opportunity機會,
103
239640
2896
我遇見了一個投資機會，
04:14
and then I was turned轉身 down.
104
242560
1800
然后我被拒絕，
04:17
And that rejection拒絕 hurt傷害 me.
105
245040
1736
那次拒絕傷害了我，
04:18
It hurt傷害 me so bad壞
that I wanted to quit放棄 right there.
106
246800
3600
嚴重到我想當場放棄。
04:23
But then I thought,
107
251280
1216
但是我想，
04:24
hey, would Bill法案 Gates蓋茨 quit放棄
after a simple簡單 investment投資 rejection拒絕?
108
252520
3840
嘿，比爾蓋茨會在一次
簡單的拒絕投資后放棄嗎？
04:29
Would any successful成功
entrepreneur企業家 quit放棄 like that?
109
256920
2856
有任何成功企業家會像那樣放棄嗎？
04:31
No way.
110
259800
1376
沒有。
04:33
And this is where it clicked點擊 for me.
111
261200
1976
這使我茅塞頓開。
04:35
OK, I can build建立 a better company公司.
112
263200
1816
好，我能夠創立一個更好的公司。
04:37
I can build建立 a better
team球隊 or better product產品,
113
265040
2216
我能夠建立一個更好的團隊或產品，
04:39
but one thing for sure:
114
267280
1536
但是有一件事情是確定的：
04:40
I've got to be a better leader領導.
115
268840
1856
我一定要成為一個更好的領導者。
04:42
I've got to be a better person人.
116
270720
1520
我一定要成為一個更好的人。
04:44
I cannot不能 let that six-year-old六十歲
keep dictating聽寫 my life anymore再.
117
272720
3376
我不能讓那個6歲的我
繼續統治我的生活。
04:48
I have to put him back in his place地點.
118
276120
2080
我要把他壓抑住。
04:51
So this is where I went去 online線上
and looked看著 for help.
119
279000
2416
所以我上網尋求幫助。
04:53
Google谷歌 was my friend朋友.
120
281440
1256
谷歌是我的朋友。
04:54
(Laughter笑聲)
121
282720
1136
（笑聲）
04:55
I searched搜索, "How do I overcome克服
the fear恐懼 of rejection拒絕?"
122
283880
2560
我搜索：“怎麼克服被拒絕的恐懼？”
04:59
I came來了 up with a bunch束
of psychology心理學 articles用品
123
286960
2856
跳出了很多心理學文章
05:01
about where the fear恐懼
and pain疼痛 are coming未來 from.
124
289840
2856
關於恐懼和痛苦的來源。
05:04
Then I came來了 up with a bunch束
of "rah-rahRAH-RAH" inspirational勵志 articles用品
125
292720
3296
然后是一些鼓勵和啟發人心的文章
05:08
about "Don't take it personally親自,
just overcome克服 it."
126
296040
2381
關於“不要太在意，克服就好。”
05:11
Who doesn't know that?
127
299200
1656
誰不知道這個？
05:12
(Laughter笑聲)
128
300880
1576
（笑聲）
05:14
But why was I still so scared害怕?
129
302480
2136
但是為什麼我還是很害怕？
05:16
Then I found發現 this website網站 by luck運氣.
130
304640
2016
然后我意外找到了這個網站，
05:18
It's called叫 rejectiontherapyrejectiontherapy.comCOM.
131
306680
2376
叫做 拒絕治療法.com
（rejectiontherapy.com）
05:21
(Laughter笑聲)
132
309080
2536
（笑聲）
05:23
"Rejection拒絕 Therapy治療" was this game遊戲
invented發明 by this Canadian加拿大 entrepreneur企業家.
133
311640
3936
“拒絕治療法”是一個加拿大
企業家發明的游戲，
05:27
His name名稱 is Jason賈森 Comely漂亮.
134
315600
1696
他的名字是杰森 康莉。
05:29
And basically基本上 the idea理念 is for 30 days天
you go out and look for rejection拒絕,
135
317320
5096
主旨就是30天，你出門尋找拒絕，
05:34
and every一切 day get rejected拒絕 at something,
136
322440
2256
每天被某些事情拒絕，
05:36
and then by the end結束,
you desensitize脫敏 yourself你自己 from the pain疼痛.
137
324720
3520
最后，你會緩解痛苦。
05:41
And I loved喜愛 that idea理念.
138
329200
1696
我很喜歡這個主意。
05:43
(Laughter笑聲)
139
330920
1536
（笑聲）
05:44
I said, "You know what?
I'm going to do this.
140
332480
2136
我說：“你知道嗎？我要像這樣做。
05:46
And I'll feel myself我
getting得到 rejected拒絕 100 days天."
141
334640
3016
而且我會錄下被拒絕100天。”
05:49
And I came來了 up with my own擁有 rejection拒絕 ideas思路,
142
337680
2416
我想出了自己被拒絕的主意，
05:52
and I made製作 a video視頻 blog博客 out of it.
143
340120
2480
還為此創建了視頻博客。
05:55
And so here's這裡的 what I did.
144
343600
1936
所以這是我做的，
05:57
This is what the blog博客 looked看著 like.
145
345560
2616
那個博客看起來是這樣的。
06:00
Day One ...
146
348200
1200
第一天……
06:02
(Laughter笑聲)
147
350000
1296
（笑聲）
06:03
Borrow借 100 dollars美元 from a stranger陌生人.
148
351320
3240
向一個陌生人借100美金。
06:07
So this is where I went去
to where I was working加工.
149
355720
2736
所以我去了我工作的地方，
06:10
I came來了 downstairs樓下
150
358480
1736
我走下樓，
06:12
and I saw this big大 guy
sitting坐在 behind背後 a desk台.
151
360240
2216
我看見一個強壯的人
坐在一張桌子后面。
06:14
He looked看著 like a security安全 guard守衛.
152
362480
1736
他看起來像是一個保安。
06:16
So I just approached接近 him.
153
364240
1536
所以我接近他，
06:17
And I was just walking步行
154
365800
1736
我走向他，
06:19
and that was the longest最長
walk步行 of my life --
155
367560
2336
那好像是我人生中最漫長一段路，
06:22
hair頭髮 on the back
of my neck頸部 standing常設 up,
156
369920
2136
我脖子后的頭發豎起來了，
06:24
I was sweating出汗 and my heart心 was pounding重擊.
157
372080
2456
我流著汗，心怦怦地跳。
06:26
And I got there and said,
158
374560
1216
我走到那裡，說：
06:27
"Hey, sir先生, can I borrow借
100 dollars美元 from you?"
159
375800
2656
“先生你好，
我能向你借100美金嗎？”
06:30
(Laughter笑聲)
160
378480
1336
（笑聲）
06:31
And he looked看著 up, he's like, "No."
161
379840
1800
他抬起頭，說：“不行。”
06:34
"Why?"
162
382640
1200
“為什麼？”
06:36
And I just said, "No? I'm sorry."
163
384200
2296
我說：“不行？不好意思。”
06:38
Then I turned轉身 around,
and I just ran跑.
164
386520
1715
然后我轉身跑著離開了。
06:40
(Laughter笑聲)
165
388259
1360
（笑聲）
06:43
I felt氈 so embarrassed尷尬.
166
390960
1736
我感覺非常尷尬。
06:44
But because I filmed拍攝 myself我 --
167
392720
1456
但是因為我錄下了這個經歷，
06:46
so that night I was watching觀看
myself我 getting得到 rejected拒絕,
168
394200
3136
所以那個晚上，我觀看了自己被拒絕，
06:49
I just saw how scared害怕 I was.
169
397360
2096
我看到了我自己有多害怕。
06:51
I looked看著 like this kid孩子
in "The Sixth第六 Sense感."
170
399480
2456
我像是“靈異第六感”裡的孩子。
06:54
I saw dead死 people.
171
401960
1416
我看見了死人。
06:55
(Laughter笑聲)
172
403400
1616
（笑聲）
06:57
But then I saw this guy.
173
405040
1536
但是我看到了那個男人，
06:58
You know, he wasn't不 that menacing來勢洶洶.
174
406600
1896
他並不咄咄逼人。
07:00
He was a chubby豐滿的, loveable可愛 guy,
175
408520
2376
他是一個胖乎乎的可愛的人，
07:03
and he even asked問 me, "Why?"
176
410920
3456
他甚至問我為什麼，
07:06
In fact事實, he invited邀請 me to explain說明 myself我.
177
414400
2416
事實上，他邀請我解釋，
07:08
And I could've可能已經 said many許多 things.
178
416840
1576
我其實可以說很多事情，
07:10
I could've可能已經 explained解釋,
I could've可能已經 negotiated議.
179
418440
2296
我可以解釋，我可以溝通。
07:12
I didn't do any of that.
180
420760
1440
但是我什麼都沒做，
07:14
All I did was run跑.
181
422680
1520
我隻是跑走了。
07:17
I felt氈, wow哇, this is like
the microcosm縮影 of my life.
182
425160
3160
我感覺，哇，這就像是我人生的縮影，
07:21
Every一切 time I felt氈 the slightest絲毫 rejection拒絕,
183
428920
2536
每次我感覺到輕微的拒絕，
07:23
I would just run跑 as fast快速 as I could.
184
431480
2136
我就會盡力逃跑。
07:25
And you know what?
185
433640
1256
你知道嗎？
07:27
The next下一個 day, no matter物 what happens發生,
186
434920
1816
第二天，不管發生了什麼，
07:28
I'm not going to run跑.
187
436760
1496
我都不會逃跑。
07:30
I'll stay留 engaged訂婚.
188
438280
1200
我會留下來。
07:32
Day Two: Request請求 a "burger漢堡包 refill充值."
189
440080
2056
第二天：請求一個“漢堡續杯”
07:34
(Laughter笑聲)
190
442160
1976
（笑聲）
07:36
It's when I went去 to a burger漢堡包 joint聯合,
191
444160
2296
當我去一家漢堡店，
07:38
I finished完 lunch午餐,
and I went去 to the cashier出納員 and said,
192
446480
2496
我吃完午餐，走向收銀員，說：
07:41
"Hi你好, can I get a burger漢堡包 refill充值?"
193
449000
1576
“你好，我能來一個漢堡續杯嗎？”
07:42
(Laughter笑聲)
194
450600
2176
（笑聲）
07:44
He was all confused困惑,
like, "What's a burger漢堡包 refill充值?"
195
452800
2456
他非常疑惑，“什麼是漢堡續杯？”
07:47
(Laughter笑聲)
196
455280
1256
（笑聲）
07:48
I said, "Well, it's just like
a drink喝 refill充值 but with a burger漢堡包."
197
456560
3656
我說：“就像一個飲料續杯，隻是換成漢堡。”
07:52
And he said, "Sorry,
we don't do burger漢堡包 refill充值, man."
198
460240
2496
他說：“不好意思，我們不做漢堡續杯。”
07:54
(Laughter笑聲)
199
462760
1336
（笑聲）
07:56
So this is where rejection拒絕 happened發生
and I could have run跑, but I stayed住.
200
464120
4056
所以這就是當被拒絕，
我可以逃跑，但是我留了下來。
08:00
I said, "Well, I love your burgers漢堡,
201
468200
2136
我說：“我喜歡你們的漢堡，
08:02
I love your joint聯合,
202
470360
1416
我喜歡你們的店，
08:03
and if you guys do a burger漢堡包 refill充值,
203
471800
2096
如果你們能做漢堡續杯，
08:06
I will love you guys more."
204
473920
1336
我會更喜歡你們的。”
08:07
(Laughter笑聲)
205
475280
1256
（笑聲）
08:08
And he said, "Well, OK,
I'll tell my manager經理 about it,
206
476560
2616
然后他說：
“好，我會向我的經理匯報的，
08:11
and maybe we'll好 do it,
but sorry, we can't do this today今天."
207
479200
2976
可能我們會做，但是
不好意思，今天我們沒有辦法。”
08:14
Then I left.
208
482200
1416
然后我走了。
08:15
And by the way,
209
483640
1856
順便說一句，
08:17
I don't think they've他們已經
ever doneDONE burger漢堡包 refill充值.
210
485520
2256
我不認為他們會有漢堡續杯。
08:19
(Laughter笑聲)
211
487800
1216
（笑聲）
08:21
I think they're still there.
212
489040
1560
我覺得他們還在那兒，
08:23
But the life and death死亡 feeling感覺
I was feeling感覺 the first time
213
491160
3296
但是我在那裡經歷的生死攸關的感覺
08:26
was no longer長 there,
214
494480
1336
已經不在那兒了，
08:27
just because I stayed住 engaged訂婚 --
215
495840
1736
隻因為我留了下來，
08:29
because I didn't run跑.
216
497600
1616
因為我沒有逃跑。
08:31
I said, "Wow哇, great,
I'm already已經 learning學習 things.
217
499240
2360
我說：“哇，好棒，
我已經開始吸取教訓了，
08:34
Great."
218
502520
1216
好棒。”
08:35
And then Day Three三:
Getting入門 Olympic奧林匹克 Doughnuts甜甜圈.
219
503760
2200
然后第三天：索要奧林匹克甜甜圈
08:38
This is where my life
was turned轉身 upside上邊 down.
220
506760
2520
我的人生就在這裡開始被顛覆。
08:42
I went去 to a Krispy的Krispy KremeKreme的.
221
510120
1616
我去了“卡卡圈坊”，
08:43
It's a doughnut甜甜圈 shop店
222
511760
1216
一個甜甜圈店鋪
08:45
in mainly主要 the Southeastern東南 part部分
of the United聯合的 States狀態.
223
513000
2616
主要在美國的東南部。
08:47
I'm sure they have some here, too.
224
515640
1856
我確定這裡也有一些。
08:49
And I went去 in,
225
517520
1255
我走進店裡，說：
08:50
I said, "Can you make me doughnuts甜甜圈
that look like Olympic奧林匹克 symbols符號?
226
518799
3137
“你能為我做一些長得像
奧林匹克標志的甜甜圈嗎？
08:54
Basically基本上, you interlink互聯
five五 doughnuts甜甜圈 together一起 ... "
227
521960
2896
基本上就是五個甜甜圈……”
08:56
I mean there's no way
they could say yes, right?
228
524880
2240
我覺得他們一定不會說好，
08:59
The doughnut甜甜圈 maker製作者 took拿 me so seriously認真地.
229
527640
2376
甜甜圈制作者把我當真了。
09:02
(Laughter笑聲)
230
530040
1216
（笑聲）
09:03
So she put out paper紙,
231
531280
1216
所以她展開一張紙，
09:04
started開始 jotting簡短的筆記 down
the colors顏色 and the rings戒指,
232
532520
2176
開始記下顏色和五環，
09:06
and is like, "How can I make this?"
233
534720
2016
思考該怎麼制作，
09:08
And then 15 minutes分鐘 later後來,
234
536760
1896
然后15分鐘后，
09:10
she came來了 out with a box框
that looked看著 like Olympic奧林匹克 rings戒指.
235
538680
3416
她帶著一個像
奧林匹克五環的盒子走出來，
09:14
And I was so touched感動.
236
542120
1656
我非常感動，
09:15
I just couldn't不能 believe it.
237
543800
2136
我覺得難以置信。
09:18
And that video視頻 got
over five五 million百萬 views意見 on Youtube的Youtube.
238
545960
3760
那個視頻在Youtube上
獲得了超過5百萬的瀏覽量。
09:22
The world世界 couldn't不能 believe that either或.
239
550440
2096
整個世界也無法相信。
09:24
(Laughter笑聲)
240
552560
1520
（笑聲）
09:27
You know, because of that
I was in newspapers報紙,
241
555440
3216
你知道，因為這個，我上了報紙，
09:30
in talk shows節目, in everything.
242
558680
1416
脫口秀，各种媒體。
09:32
And I became成為 famous著名.
243
560120
1496
我出名了。
09:33
A lot of people
started開始 writing寫作 emails電子郵件 to me
244
561640
2136
很多人開始向我寫郵件
09:35
and saying話, "What you're
doing is awesome真棒."
245
563800
2536
並說：“你做的事情太棒了。”
09:38
But you know, fame名譽 and notoriety臭名
did not do anything to me.
246
566360
3536
但是知名度並不是我想要的。
09:42
What I really wanted to do was learn學習,
247
569920
1816
我真正想要的是學習
09:43
and to change更改 myself我,
248
571760
1216
和改變自己。
09:45
so I turned轉身 the rest休息
of my 100 days天 of rejection拒絕
249
573000
2616
所以我把我剩下的被拒絕100天
09:47
into this playground操場 --
250
575640
1896
變成了游樂場，
09:49
into this research研究 project項目.
251
577560
2136
變成了研究項目。
09:51
I wanted to see what I could learn學習.
252
579720
2080
我想知道我能學到什麼，
09:54
And then I learned學到了 a lot of things.
253
582240
1776
我學到了很多事情，
09:56
I discovered發現 so many許多 secrets秘密.
254
584040
1576
我發現了很多秘密。
09:57
For example例, I found發現 if I just don't run跑,
255
585640
2896
比如，我發現如果我沒有逃跑，
10:00
if I got rejected拒絕,
256
588560
1256
如果我被拒絕
10:01
I could actually其實 turn轉 a "no" into a "yes,"
257
589840
2056
我可以把“不行”變成“行”，
10:04
and the magic魔法 word字 is, "why."
258
591920
1616
而且那個神奇的詞語就是“為什麼”
10:05
So one day I went去 to a stranger's陌生人 house屋,
I had this flower花 in my hand手,
259
593560
4096
所以有一天，
我去一個陌生人家，捧著一束花，
10:09
knocked被撞 on the door門 and said,
260
597680
1416
敲他的門，並說：
10:11
"Hey, can I plant廠 this flower花
in your backyard後院?"
261
599120
2256
“嘿，我能把
這束花種在你的后院嗎？”
10:13
(Laughter笑聲)
262
601400
1536
（笑聲）
10:15
And he said, "No."
263
602960
1720
然后他說：“不行。”
10:17
But before he could leave離開 I said,
264
605640
1736
但是在他離開之前，我說：
10:19
"Hey, can I know why?"
265
607400
1936
“嘿，我能知道為什麼嗎？”
10:21
And he said, "Well, I have this dog狗
266
609360
3056
他說：”我有一隻狗，
10:24
that would dig挖 up
anything I put in the backyard後院.
267
612440
2336
會拔起我種在后院的所有東西。
10:26
I don't want to waste浪費 your flower花.
268
614800
1656
我不希望浪費你的鮮花。
10:28
If you want to do this,
go across橫過 the street街 and talk to Connie康妮.
269
616480
3176
如果你想做這件事，
到街對面，詢問康妮，
10:31
She loves愛 flowers花卉."
270
619680
1216
她很愛花。”
10:33
So that's what I did.
271
620920
1216
我照著做了。
10:34
I went去 across橫過 and knocked被撞
on Connie's康妮的 door門.
272
622160
2056
我走過街，敲康妮家的門。
10:36
And she was so happy快樂 to see me.
273
624240
1856
她看到我非常開心。
10:38
(Laughter笑聲)
274
626120
1696
（笑聲）
10:39
And then half半 an hour小時 later後來,
275
627840
1376
然后一個半小時后……
10:41
there was this flower花
in Connie's康妮的 backyard後院.
276
629240
2056
這就是在康妮后院的那束花。
10:43
I'm sure it looks容貌 better now.
277
631320
1416
我保証它現在看起來更好。
10:44
(Laughter笑聲)
278
632760
1296
（笑聲）
10:46
But had I left
after the initial初始 rejection拒絕,
279
634080
2936
但是如果我在初次拒絕后離開，
10:49
I would've會一直 thought,
280
637040
1216
我可能會想
10:50
well, it's because
the guy didn't trust相信 me,
281
638280
2056
是因為那個人不信任我，
10:52
it's because I was crazy瘋,
282
640360
1216
因為我瘋了，
10:53
because I didn't dress連衣裙 up well,
I didn't look good.
283
641600
2416
因為我的穿著，因為我看起來不好。
10:56
It was none沒有 of those.
284
644040
1216
都不是。
10:57
It was because what I offered提供
did not fit適合 what he wanted.
285
645280
2696
是因為我提出的不符合他所想的。
11:00
And he trusted信任 me enough足夠
to offer提供 me a referral轉診,
286
648000
2256
他足夠信任我給我推薦，
11:02
using運用 a sales銷售 term術語.
287
650280
1656
用一個銷售術語，
11:04
I converted轉換 a referral轉診.
288
651960
1520
轉交處理。
11:06
Then one day --
289
654560
1216
然后又一天，
11:07
and I also也 learned學到了 that I can
actually其實 say certain某些 things
290
655800
2896
我學到我可以說一些事情，
11:10
and maximize最大化 my chance機會 to get a yes.
291
658720
1936
最大化被接受的可能。
11:12
So for example例,
one day I went去 to a Starbucks星巴克,
292
660680
2216
比如，有一天我去一家星巴克
11:15
and asked問 the manager經理,
"Hey, can I be a Starbucks星巴克 greeter招待員?"
293
662920
3576
問經理“我能成為一個星巴克迎賓員嗎？”
11:18
He was like, "What's a Starbucks星巴克 greeter招待員?"
294
666520
2376
他問：“什麼是星巴克迎賓員？”
11:21
I said, "Do you know
those Walmart沃爾瑪（Walmart） greeters接待員?
295
668920
2096
我說：“你知道那些沃爾瑪迎賓員嗎？
11:23
You know, those people who say
'hi'“喜” to you before you walk步行 in the store商店,
296
671040
3416
就是那些在你走進店鋪前
對你打招呼，
11:26
and make sure you
don't steal偷 stuff東東, basically基本上?
297
674480
2216
保証你不偷東西的人？
11:28
I want to give a Walmart沃爾瑪（Walmart） experience經驗
to Starbucks星巴克 customers顧客."
298
676720
3136
我想給星巴克顧客一個沃爾瑪體驗。”
11:31
(Laughter笑聲)
299
679880
1456
（笑聲）
11:33
Well, I'm not sure
that's a good thing, actually其實 --
300
681360
3000
我確定那不是一個好事，
11:37
Actually其實, I'm pretty漂亮 sure
it's a bad壞 thing.
301
685600
2496
我蠻確定那是一個壞事。
11:40
And he was like, "Oh" --
302
688120
2056
然后他說：“哦，”
11:42
yeah, this is how he looked看著,
his name名稱 is Eric埃里克 --
303
690200
2256
他看起來是這樣的，
他的名字是艾瑞卡，
11:44
and he was like, "I'm not sure."
304
692480
1576
他說：“我不確定。”
11:46
This is how he was hearing聽力 me. "Not sure."
305
694080
2056
他是這樣說的“我不確定。”
11:48
Then I ask問 him, "Is that weird奇怪的?"
306
696160
1656
然后我問他，“這很奇怪嗎？”
11:49
He's like, "Yeah, it's really weird奇怪的, man."
307
697840
2040
他說：“沒錯，這很奇怪。”
11:52
But as soon不久 as he said that,
his whole整個 demeanor風度 changed變.
308
700800
2856
但是在他說完之后，
他的整個舉止發生了改變。
11:55
It's as if he's putting把
all the doubt懷疑 on the floor地板.
309
703680
2936
像是他提出了所有的疑問。
11:58
And he said, "Yeah, you can do this,
310
706640
1736
他說：“好，你可以做這個，
12:00
just don't get too weird奇怪的."
311
708400
1256
就是不要走的太奇怪。”
12:01
(Laughter笑聲)
312
709680
1416
（笑聲）
12:03
So for the next下一個 hour小時
I was the Starbucks星巴克 greeter招待員.
313
711120
2376
所以下一個小時內，
我是星巴克迎賓員。
12:05
I said "hi嗨" to every一切 customer顧客
that walked走 in,
314
713520
2136
我對每一個進門的顧客說“你好”
12:07
and gave給 them holiday假日 cheers乾杯.
315
715680
2376
祝他們節日快樂。
12:10
By the way, I don't know
what your career事業 trajectory彈道 is,
316
718080
2656
順便說一下，
我不知道你的職業軌跡是什麼，
12:12
don't be a greeter招待員.
317
720760
1216
不要當一個迎賓員。
12:14
(Laughter笑聲)
318
722000
1216
（笑聲）
12:15
It was really boring無聊.
319
723240
1200
這很的很無聊。
12:17
But then I found發現 I could do this
because I mentioned提到, "Is that weird奇怪的?"
320
725200
4936
但是，然后我發現能夠做這件事，
是因為我提到了“這很奇怪嗎？”
12:22
I mentioned提到 the doubt懷疑 that he was having有.
321
730160
2136
我提出了他的疑問。
12:24
And because I mentioned提到, "Is that weird奇怪的?",
that means手段 I wasn't不 weird奇怪的.
322
732320
3536
因為我提到了“這很奇怪嗎？”，
這意味著我不奇怪，
12:27
That means手段 I was actually其實
thinking思維 just like him,
323
735880
2536
這意味著我像他一樣思考，
12:30
seeing眼看 this as a weird奇怪的 thing.
324
738440
2376
把這個當成一件奇怪的事情，
12:32
And again, and again,
325
740840
1256
一次，又一次，
12:34
I learned學到了 that if I mention提到
some doubt懷疑 people might威力 have
326
742120
3136
我學到了如果我提到
別人可能會有的疑問，
12:37
before I ask問 the question題,
327
745280
1816
在我詢問之前，
12:39
I gained獲得 their其 trust相信.
328
747120
1256
我得到了別人的信任。
12:40
People were more likely容易 to say yes to me.
329
748400
1960
人們會更有可能對我說“行”，
12:42
And then I learned學到了
I could fulfill履行 my life dream夢想 ...
330
750800
3336
然后我學到了我可以完成我的人生夢想
12:46
by asking問.
331
754160
1416
通過詢問。
12:47
You know, I came來了
from four四 generations代 of teachers教師,
332
755600
3096
我來自一個四代是老師的家庭，
12:50
and my grandma奶奶 has always told me,
333
758720
2816
我的奶奶一直跟我說，
12:53
"Hey Jia佳, you can do anything you want,
334
761560
2296
“賈，你可以做你想做的
12:55
but it'd它會 be great
if you became成為 a teacher老師."
335
763880
2056
但是你能成為一名老師是很好的。”
12:58
(Laughter笑聲)
336
765960
1416
（笑聲）
12:59
But I wanted to be
an entrepreneur企業家, so I didn't.
337
767400
2256
但是我想成為一個企業家，
所以我沒當老師。
13:01
But it has always been my dream夢想
to actually其實 teach教 something.
338
769680
3376
但是教授一些東西一直是我的夢想。
13:05
So I said, "What if I just ask問
339
773080
1816
所以我想：“如果我直接
13:07
and teach教 a college學院 class類?"
340
774920
2616
請求上一節大學課程呢？”
13:09
I lived生活 in Austin奧斯汀 at the time,
341
777560
1456
那個時候我住在奧斯汀，
13:11
so I went去 to University大學
of Texas德州 at Austin奧斯汀,
342
779040
2056
所以我去了德州大學奧斯汀分校
13:13
and knocked被撞 on professors'教授“ doors門
and said, "Can I teach教 your class類?"
343
781120
3216
敲教授的門，並問
“我可以教你的課嗎？”
13:16
I didn't get anywhere隨地
the first couple一對 of times時.
344
784360
2496
開始幾次我什麼也沒得到，
13:18
But because I didn't run跑 --
I kept不停 doing it --
345
786880
2496
但是因為我沒有逃跑，我堅持下去，
13:21
and on the third第三 try
the professor教授 was very impressed印象深刻.
346
789400
3336
第三次，教授對我印象深刻。
13:24
He was like, "No one
has doneDONE this before."
347
792760
2056
他說：“沒人做過這件事。”
13:26
And I came來了 in prepared準備
with powerpoints電源點 and my lesson課.
348
794840
4016
我開始准備幻燈片和課程。
13:30
He said, "Wow哇, I can use this.
349
798880
2056
他說：“哇，
我真的可以用這些東西。
13:33
Why don't you come back in two months個月?
I'll fit適合 you in my curriculum課程."
350
800960
3336
你能在兩個月后回來，
我把你加到我的課表裡。”
13:36
And two months個月 later後來
I was teaching教學 a class類.
351
804320
2096
兩個月后，我上了一堂課。
13:38
This is me -- you probably大概 can't see,
this is a bad壞 picture圖片.
352
806440
3256
這是我，你可能看不到，
這個照片不清晰。
13:41
You know, sometimes有時 you get
rejected拒絕 by lighting燈光, you know?
353
809720
2776
有的時候你會被光線拒絕，對嗎？
13:44
(Laughter笑聲)
354
812520
1200
（笑聲）
13:46
But wow哇 --
355
814680
1216
但是，哇
13:48
when I finished完 teaching教學 that class類,
I walked走 out crying哭了,
356
815920
2736
當我上完那堂課，我哭著走出來，
13:50
because I thought
357
818680
1776
因為我覺得，
13:52
I could fulfill履行 my life dream夢想
just by simply只是 asking問.
358
820480
3296
我能夠用簡單的詢問完成我的人生夢想。
13:55
I used to think I have to accomplish完成
all these things --
359
823800
2656
我原本認為我一定要完成的事情——
13:58
have to be a great entrepreneur企業家,
or get a PhD博士 to teach教 --
360
826480
3616
成為一個杰出的企業家，
得到一個博士學位來教書，
14:02
but no, I just asked問,
361
830120
1536
但是，我隻需要詢問，
14:03
and I could teach教.
362
831680
1200
我就能教書。
14:05
And in that picture圖片 --
which哪一個 you can't see --
363
833400
2376
在那個圖片裡，你看不到，
14:07
I quoted引 Martin馬丁 Luther路德 King國王 JrJR.
364
835800
3296
我援引馬丁路德金，
14:11
Why? Because in my research研究 I found發現
that people who really change更改 the world世界,
365
839120
4536
為什麼？因為我的研究發現改變世界，
14:15
who change更改 the way we live生活
and the way we think,
366
843680
2936
改變我們生活和思考的方式的人
14:18
are the people who were met會見
with initial初始 and often經常 violent暴力 rejections拒絕.
367
846640
4096
都是那些受到長期暴力拒絕的人。
14:22
People like Martin馬丁 Luther路德 King國王 JrJR.,
368
850760
2056
像馬丁路德金的人，
14:24
like Mahatma聖雄 Gandhi甘地, Nelson納爾遜 Mandela曼德拉,
369
852840
2056
像聖雄甘地，尼爾森曼德拉，
14:27
or even Jesus耶穌 Christ基督.
370
854920
1536
甚至耶穌。
14:28
These people did not
let rejection拒絕 define確定 them.
371
856480
3376
這些人沒有讓拒絕定義他們。
14:31
They let their其 own擁有 reaction反應
after rejection拒絕 define確定 themselves他們自己.
372
859880
4160
他們讓他們被拒絕后的反應定義他們。
14:37
And they embraced擁抱 rejection拒絕.
373
864920
1560
他們擁抱拒絕。
14:39
And we don't have to be those people
to learn學習 about rejection拒絕,
374
867360
3216
我們不需要成為那些人來學習拒絕，
14:42
but in my case案件,
375
870600
1256
我的情況下，
14:43
rejection拒絕 was my curse詛咒 --
376
871880
2016
拒絕是我的詛咒，
14:46
was my boogeyman惡巫.
377
873920
1256
是我的夢魔。
14:47
It has bothered困擾 me my whole整個 life
because I was running賽跑 away from it.
378
875200
4176
因為我從中逃跑，
它困擾我的整個人生。
14:51
Then I started開始 embracing擁抱 it.
379
879400
1720
然后我開始擁抱它。
14:53
I turned轉身 that into
the biggest最大 gift禮品 in my life.
380
881800
2720
我把它轉變為人生中最大的禮物。
14:57
I started開始 teaching教學 people
how to turn轉 rejections拒絕 into opportunities機會.
381
885320
4456
我開始教導別人如何把拒絕變成機會。
15:01
I use my blog博客, I use my talk,
382
889800
2016
我用我的博客，我的演講，
15:03
I use the book書 I just published發表,
383
891840
1896
我用我剛剛出版的書，
15:05
and I'm even using運用 technology技術 to help
people overcome克服 their其 fear恐懼 of rejection拒絕.
384
893760
4560
我還建造幫助人們
克服對拒絕的恐懼的科技。
15:12
When you get rejected拒絕 in life,
385
900200
1736
當你在人生中被拒絕，
15:14
when you are facing面對 the next下一個 obstacle障礙,
386
901960
2216
當你面對下一個障礙
15:16
or next下一個 failure失敗,
387
904200
2016
或下一個失敗，
15:18
consider考慮 the possibilities可能性.
388
906240
1816
考慮那個可能性。
15:20
Don't run跑.
389
908080
1216
不要逃跑。
15:21
If you just embrace擁抱 them,
390
909320
1216
如果你擁抱它們，
15:22
they might威力 become成為 your gifts禮品 as well.
391
910560
2080
它們也可能成為你的禮物。
15:25
Thank you.
392
913160
1216
謝謝
15:26
(Applause掌聲)
393
914400
1960
（鼓掌）
Translated by Conway Ye
Reviewed by Hime IX

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jia Jiang - Author, blogger, entrepreneur
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine.

Why you should listen

Jia Jiang is the owner of Rejection Therapy, a website that provides inspiration, knowledge and products for people to overcome their fear of rejection. He is also the CEO of Wuju Learning, a company that teaches people and trains organizations to become fearless through rejection training. In 2015, he authored a bestselling book, Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection.

Several years after Jiang began his career in the corporate world, he took a life-altering risk and stepped into the unknown world of entrepreneurship. His result was everyone's biggest fear: rejection. This was the catalyst that set Jiang on the path to his true calling.

To conquer the fear of rejection, Jiang embarked on a personal quest and started a blog, 100 Days of Rejection Therapy. His journey revealed a world that was hidden in plain sight -- a world where people are much kinder than we imagine. He discovered that rejection can be much less painful than we believe and that the fear of rejection is much more destructive than we know.

Jiang grew up in Beijing, China and migrated to the United States at age 16. He holds a Bachelor of Computer Science from Brigham Young University and a Master of Business Administration from Duke University.

More profile about the speaker
Jia Jiang | Speaker | TED.com
THE ORIGINAL VIDEO ON TED.COM