TEDxMtHood
Jia Jiang: What I learned from 100 days of rejection
蔣佳: 我在被拒絕的100天裡所學到的
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蔣佳勇敢地探險我們中的很多人都害怕的領域——拒絕。通過在100天裡尋求拒絕，從向一個陌生人借100美金到在餐館裡請求“漢堡續杯”。蔣佳化解拒絕帶來的痛苦和羞恥，並在這個過程中，發現隻要詢問你所想要的，你能在死路裡打開可能。
Jia Jiang - Author, blogger, entrepreneur
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine. Full bio
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
When I was six years old,
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當我六歲的時候，
00:14
I received my gifts.
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我收到了禮物。
00:16
My first grade teacher
had this brilliant idea.
had this brilliant idea.
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我一年級的老師有了一個很棒的主意。
00:19
She wanted us to experience
receiving gifts
receiving gifts
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她想讓我們感受接受禮物
00:23
but also learning the virtue
of complimenting each other.
of complimenting each other.
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同時學習贊美別人的美德。
00:27
So she had all of us
come to the front of the classroom,
come to the front of the classroom,
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所以她讓我們所有人走到教室前面，
00:30
and she bought all of us gifts
and stacked them in the corner.
and stacked them in the corner.
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她給我們每個人帶了禮物，堆在牆角。
00:33
And she said,
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然后她說：
00:34
"Why don't we just stand here
and compliment each other?
and compliment each other?
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“讓我們站在這裡並贊美對方吧。
00:37
If you hear your name called,
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如果你聽到你的名字，
00:39
go and pick up your gift and sit down."
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走上前，領取你的禮物並坐下。”
00:42
What a wonderful idea, right?
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多棒的主意，對嗎？
00:44
What could go wrong?
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能出什麼錯？
00:46
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
00:48
Well, there were 40 of us to start with,
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開始，有40個孩子，
00:50
and every time I heard
someone's name called,
someone's name called,
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每一次我聽到別人被叫到名字，
00:53
I would give out the heartiest cheer.
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我都會送出真摯的贊美。
00:55
And then there were 20 people left,
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然后剩下20個人，
00:57
and 10 people left,
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10個人，
00:59
and five left ...
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5個人……
01:01
and three left.
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最后剩下了3個人。
01:03
And I was one of them.
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而我是其中一個。
01:04
And the compliments stopped.
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贊美停止了。
01:07
Well, at that moment, I was crying.
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在那個時候，我在哭泣。
01:10
And the teacher was freaking out.
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老師也不知所措。
01:12
She was like, "Hey, would anyone
say anything nice about these people?"
say anything nice about these people?"
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她說：“嘿，有任何人願意
說一些這些同學的好話嗎？”
說一些這些同學的好話嗎？”
01:16
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:17
"No one? OK, why don't you
go get your gift and sit down.
go get your gift and sit down.
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“沒人？好吧。那你們
去領取禮物並坐下吧。
去領取禮物並坐下吧。
01:20
So behave next year --
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所以明年好好表現，
01:21
someone might say
something nice about you."
something nice about you."
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可能會有人說一些你的好話。”
01:24
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:26
Well, as I'm describing this you,
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我向你描述這件事，
01:28
you probably know
I remember this really well.
I remember this really well.
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你可能會知道我對這件事記憶猶新。
01:30
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:32
But I don't know who felt worse that day.
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但是我不知道誰感覺更糟糕，
01:35
Was it me or the teacher?
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我還是我的老師？
01:37
She must have realized
that she turned a team-building event
that she turned a team-building event
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她一定意識到了
她把一個團結合作的活動
她把一個團結合作的活動
01:40
into a public roast
for three six-year-olds.
for three six-year-olds.
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變成了一個三個6歲孩子的尷尬時刻。
01:43
And without the humor.
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撇開幽默不談，
01:45
You know, when you see
people get roasted on TV,
people get roasted on TV,
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你知道當你在電視上
看到別人尷尬的時候，
看到別人尷尬的時候，
01:47
it was funny.
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那很好笑。
01:48
There was nothing funny about that day.
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那天一點都不好笑。
01:51
So that was one version of me,
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所以那是一個版本的我，
01:54
and I would die to avoid
being in that situation again --
being in that situation again --
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我會以死避免那種情況的發生，
01:57
to get rejected in public again.
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在眾目睽睽中被拒絕。
02:00
That's one version.
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這是一個版本。
02:02
Then fast-forward eight years.
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快進8年。
02:04
Bill Gates came to my hometown --
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比爾蓋茨來到我的家鄉
02:06
Beijing, China --
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中國北京
02:07
to speak,
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做演講。
02:08
and I saw his message.
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我看到了他的演講，
02:10
I fell in love with that guy.
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我對他深深的著迷。
02:13
I thought, wow,
I know what I want to do now.
I know what I want to do now.
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我認為，哇，
我現在我知道我想做什麼了。
我現在我知道我想做什麼了。
02:15
That night I wrote a letter to my family
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那個晚上我給我的家人寫了一封信
02:18
telling them: "By age 25,
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告訴他們，“在25歲之前，
02:20
I will build the biggest
company in the world,
company in the world,
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我會建造世界上最大的公司，
02:23
and that company will buy Microsoft."
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而且那個公司會買下微軟。”
02:25
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:26
I totally embraced this idea
of conquering the world --
of conquering the world --
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我完全接受了這個征服世界的主意，
02:29
domination, right?
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統治，對吧。
02:31
And I didn't make this up,
I did write that letter.
I did write that letter.
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我不是憑空捏造，我真的寫了那封信。
02:34
And here it is --
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就是這個——
02:35
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:37
You don't have to read this through --
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你沒必要看完，
02:39
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:41
This is also bad handwriting,
but I did highlight some key words.
but I did highlight some key words.
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字跡很差，但是我強調了一些重點詞。
02:45
You get the idea.
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你會明白。
02:46
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:48
So ...
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所以……
02:51
that was another version of me:
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這是另外一個版本的我，
02:53
one who will conquer the world.
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一個想要征服世界的我。
02:55
Well, then two years later,
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好吧，兩年后，
02:57
I was presented with the opportunity
to come to the United States.
to come to the United States.
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我發現了一個來美國的機會，
03:01
I jumped on it,
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我接受了它，
03:03
because that was
where Bill Gates lived, right?
where Bill Gates lived, right?
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因為這是比爾蓋茨生活的地方，對嗎？
03:05
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
03:06
I thought that was the start
of my entrepreneur journey.
of my entrepreneur journey.
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我認為這是我企業家生涯的開始。
03:09
Then, fast-forward another 14 years.
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然后，快進14年，
03:11
I was 30.
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我三十歲。
03:13
Nope, I didn't build that company.
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沒，我沒有建立那家公司。
03:15
I didn't even start.
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我甚至沒有開始。
03:17
I was actually a marketing manager
for a Fortune 500 company.
for a Fortune 500 company.
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我事實上是一個
500強企業的營銷經理。
500強企業的營銷經理。
03:21
And I felt I was stuck;
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我感覺我卡住了，
03:23
I was stagnant.
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我停滯不前。
03:25
Why is that?
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為什麼？
03:26
Where is that 14-year-old
who wrote that letter?
who wrote that letter?
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那個寫了那封信的
14歲的孩子去哪了？
14歲的孩子去哪了？
03:29
It's not because he didn't try.
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不是因為他沒有嘗試。
03:31
It's because every time I had a new idea,
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是因為每次我有了新的主意，
03:34
every time I wanted to try something new,
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每次我想嘗試一些新的東西，
03:36
even at work --
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甚至在工作，
03:37
I wanted to make a proposal,
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我想提出一個提案，
03:39
I wanted to speak up
in front of people in a group --
in front of people in a group --
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我想在一群人面前說出來，
03:43
I felt there was this constant battle
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我感覺在6歲的我和14歲的我之間
03:45
between the 14-year-old
and the six-year-old.
and the six-year-old.
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有著持續的戰斗。
03:47
One wanted to conquer the world --
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一個想征服世界，
03:50
make a difference --
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做出一些改變，
03:51
another was afraid of rejection.
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另一個害怕拒絕。
03:54
And every time that six-year-old won.
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然而每次那個6歲的我都贏了。
03:57
And this fear even persisted
after I started my own company.
after I started my own company.
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這個恐懼甚至持續
到我開始自己的公司。
到我開始自己的公司。
04:01
I mean, I started
my own company when I was 30 --
my own company when I was 30 --
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我的意思是，我在
30歲的時候成立我的公司，
30歲的時候成立我的公司，
04:05
if you want to be Bill Gates,
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如果你想當比爾蓋茨，
04:06
you've got to start
sooner or later, right?
sooner or later, right?
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你遲早要開始的，對嗎？
04:09
When I was an entrepreneur,
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當我是一個企業家的時候，
04:11
I was presented
with an investment opportunity,
with an investment opportunity,
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我遇見了一個投資機會，
04:14
and then I was turned down.
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然后我被拒絕，
04:17
And that rejection hurt me.
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那次拒絕傷害了我，
04:18
It hurt me so bad
that I wanted to quit right there.
that I wanted to quit right there.
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嚴重到我想當場放棄。
04:23
But then I thought,
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但是我想，
04:24
hey, would Bill Gates quit
after a simple investment rejection?
after a simple investment rejection?
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嘿，比爾蓋茨會在一次
簡單的拒絕投資后放棄嗎？
簡單的拒絕投資后放棄嗎？
04:29
Would any successful
entrepreneur quit like that?
entrepreneur quit like that?
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有任何成功企業家會像那樣放棄嗎？
04:31
No way.
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沒有。
04:33
And this is where it clicked for me.
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這使我茅塞頓開。
04:35
OK, I can build a better company.
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好，我能夠創立一個更好的公司。
04:37
I can build a better
team or better product,
team or better product,
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我能夠建立一個更好的團隊或產品，
04:39
but one thing for sure:
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但是有一件事情是確定的：
04:40
I've got to be a better leader.
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我一定要成為一個更好的領導者。
04:42
I've got to be a better person.
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我一定要成為一個更好的人。
04:44
I cannot let that six-year-old
keep dictating my life anymore.
keep dictating my life anymore.
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我不能讓那個6歲的我
繼續統治我的生活。
繼續統治我的生活。
04:48
I have to put him back in his place.
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我要把他壓抑住。
04:51
So this is where I went online
and looked for help.
and looked for help.
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所以我上網尋求幫助。
04:53
Google was my friend.
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谷歌是我的朋友。
04:54
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:55
I searched, "How do I overcome
the fear of rejection?"
the fear of rejection?"
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我搜索：“怎麼克服被拒絕的恐懼？”
04:59
I came up with a bunch
of psychology articles
of psychology articles
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跳出了很多心理學文章
05:01
about where the fear
and pain are coming from.
and pain are coming from.
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關於恐懼和痛苦的來源。
05:04
Then I came up with a bunch
of "rah-rah" inspirational articles
of "rah-rah" inspirational articles
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然后是一些鼓勵和啟發人心的文章
05:08
about "Don't take it personally,
just overcome it."
just overcome it."
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關於“不要太在意，克服就好。”
05:11
Who doesn't know that?
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誰不知道這個？
05:12
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
05:14
But why was I still so scared?
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但是為什麼我還是很害怕？
05:16
Then I found this website by luck.
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然后我意外找到了這個網站，
05:18
It's called rejectiontherapy.com.
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叫做 拒絕治療法.com
（rejectiontherapy.com）
（rejectiontherapy.com）
05:21
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
05:23
"Rejection Therapy" was this game
invented by this Canadian entrepreneur.
invented by this Canadian entrepreneur.
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“拒絕治療法”是一個加拿大
企業家發明的游戲，
企業家發明的游戲，
05:27
His name is Jason Comely.
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他的名字是杰森 康莉。
05:29
And basically the idea is for 30 days
you go out and look for rejection,
you go out and look for rejection,
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主旨就是30天，你出門尋找拒絕，
05:34
and every day get rejected at something,
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每天被某些事情拒絕，
05:36
and then by the end,
you desensitize yourself from the pain.
you desensitize yourself from the pain.
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最后，你會緩解痛苦。
05:41
And I loved that idea.
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我很喜歡這個主意。
05:43
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
05:44
I said, "You know what?
I'm going to do this.
I'm going to do this.
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我說：“你知道嗎？我要像這樣做。
05:46
And I'll feel myself
getting rejected 100 days."
getting rejected 100 days."
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而且我會錄下被拒絕100天。”
05:49
And I came up with my own rejection ideas,
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我想出了自己被拒絕的主意，
05:52
and I made a video blog out of it.
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還為此創建了視頻博客。
05:55
And so here's what I did.
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所以這是我做的，
05:57
This is what the blog looked like.
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那個博客看起來是這樣的。
06:00
Day One ...
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第一天……
06:02
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
06:03
Borrow 100 dollars from a stranger.
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向一個陌生人借100美金。
06:07
So this is where I went
to where I was working.
to where I was working.
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所以我去了我工作的地方，
06:10
I came downstairs
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我走下樓，
06:12
and I saw this big guy
sitting behind a desk.
sitting behind a desk.
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我看見一個強壯的人
坐在一張桌子后面。
坐在一張桌子后面。
06:14
He looked like a security guard.
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他看起來像是一個保安。
06:16
So I just approached him.
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所以我接近他，
06:17
And I was just walking
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我走向他，
06:19
and that was the longest
walk of my life --
walk of my life --
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那好像是我人生中最漫長一段路，
06:22
hair on the back
of my neck standing up,
of my neck standing up,
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我脖子后的頭發豎起來了，
06:24
I was sweating and my heart was pounding.
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我流著汗，心怦怦地跳。
06:26
And I got there and said,
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我走到那裡，說：
06:27
"Hey, sir, can I borrow
100 dollars from you?"
100 dollars from you?"
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“先生你好，
我能向你借100美金嗎？”
我能向你借100美金嗎？”
06:30
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
06:31
And he looked up, he's like, "No."
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他抬起頭，說：“不行。”
06:34
"Why?"
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“為什麼？”
06:36
And I just said, "No? I'm sorry."
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我說：“不行？不好意思。”
06:38
Then I turned around,
and I just ran.
and I just ran.
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然后我轉身跑著離開了。
06:40
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
06:43
I felt so embarrassed.
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我感覺非常尷尬。
06:44
But because I filmed myself --
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但是因為我錄下了這個經歷，
06:46
so that night I was watching
myself getting rejected,
myself getting rejected,
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所以那個晚上，我觀看了自己被拒絕，
06:49
I just saw how scared I was.
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我看到了我自己有多害怕。
06:51
I looked like this kid
in "The Sixth Sense."
in "The Sixth Sense."
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我像是“靈異第六感”裡的孩子。
06:54
I saw dead people.
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我看見了死人。
06:55
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
06:57
But then I saw this guy.
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但是我看到了那個男人，
06:58
You know, he wasn't that menacing.
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他並不咄咄逼人。
07:00
He was a chubby, loveable guy,
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他是一個胖乎乎的可愛的人，
07:03
and he even asked me, "Why?"
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他甚至問我為什麼，
07:06
In fact, he invited me to explain myself.
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事實上，他邀請我解釋，
07:08
And I could've said many things.
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我其實可以說很多事情，
07:10
I could've explained,
I could've negotiated.
I could've negotiated.
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我可以解釋，我可以溝通。
07:12
I didn't do any of that.
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但是我什麼都沒做，
07:14
All I did was run.
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我隻是跑走了。
07:17
I felt, wow, this is like
the microcosm of my life.
the microcosm of my life.
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我感覺，哇，這就像是我人生的縮影，
07:21
Every time I felt the slightest rejection,
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每次我感覺到輕微的拒絕，
07:23
I would just run as fast as I could.
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我就會盡力逃跑。
07:25
And you know what?
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你知道嗎？
07:27
The next day, no matter what happens,
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第二天，不管發生了什麼，
07:28
I'm not going to run.
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我都不會逃跑。
07:30
I'll stay engaged.
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我會留下來。
07:32
Day Two: Request a "burger refill."
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第二天：請求一個“漢堡續杯”
07:34
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
07:36
It's when I went to a burger joint,
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當我去一家漢堡店，
07:38
I finished lunch,
and I went to the cashier and said,
and I went to the cashier and said,
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我吃完午餐，走向收銀員，說：
07:41
"Hi, can I get a burger refill?"
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“你好，我能來一個漢堡續杯嗎？”
07:42
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
07:44
He was all confused,
like, "What's a burger refill?"
like, "What's a burger refill?"
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他非常疑惑，“什麼是漢堡續杯？”
07:47
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
07:48
I said, "Well, it's just like
a drink refill but with a burger."
a drink refill but with a burger."
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我說：“就像一個飲料續杯，隻是換成漢堡。”
07:52
And he said, "Sorry,
we don't do burger refill, man."
we don't do burger refill, man."
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他說：“不好意思，我們不做漢堡續杯。”
07:54
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
07:56
So this is where rejection happened
and I could have run, but I stayed.
and I could have run, but I stayed.
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所以這就是當被拒絕，
我可以逃跑，但是我留了下來。
我可以逃跑，但是我留了下來。
08:00
I said, "Well, I love your burgers,
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我說：“我喜歡你們的漢堡，
08:02
I love your joint,
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我喜歡你們的店，
08:03
and if you guys do a burger refill,
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如果你們能做漢堡續杯，
08:06
I will love you guys more."
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我會更喜歡你們的。”
08:07
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
08:08
And he said, "Well, OK,
I'll tell my manager about it,
I'll tell my manager about it,
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然后他說：
“好，我會向我的經理匯報的，
“好，我會向我的經理匯報的，
08:11
and maybe we'll do it,
but sorry, we can't do this today."
but sorry, we can't do this today."
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可能我們會做，但是
不好意思，今天我們沒有辦法。”
不好意思，今天我們沒有辦法。”
08:14
Then I left.
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然后我走了。
08:15
And by the way,
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順便說一句，
08:17
I don't think they've
ever done burger refill.
ever done burger refill.
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我不認為他們會有漢堡續杯。
08:19
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
08:21
I think they're still there.
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我覺得他們還在那兒，
08:23
But the life and death feeling
I was feeling the first time
I was feeling the first time
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但是我在那裡經歷的生死攸關的感覺
08:26
was no longer there,
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已經不在那兒了，
08:27
just because I stayed engaged --
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隻因為我留了下來，
08:29
because I didn't run.
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因為我沒有逃跑。
08:31
I said, "Wow, great,
I'm already learning things.
I'm already learning things.
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我說：“哇，好棒，
我已經開始吸取教訓了，
我已經開始吸取教訓了，
08:34
Great."
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好棒。”
08:35
And then Day Three:
Getting Olympic Doughnuts.
Getting Olympic Doughnuts.
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然后第三天：索要奧林匹克甜甜圈
08:38
This is where my life
was turned upside down.
was turned upside down.
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我的人生就在這裡開始被顛覆。
08:42
I went to a Krispy Kreme.
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我去了“卡卡圈坊”，
08:43
It's a doughnut shop
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一個甜甜圈店鋪
08:45
in mainly the Southeastern part
of the United States.
of the United States.
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主要在美國的東南部。
08:47
I'm sure they have some here, too.
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我確定這裡也有一些。
08:49
And I went in,
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我走進店裡，說：
08:50
I said, "Can you make me doughnuts
that look like Olympic symbols?
that look like Olympic symbols?
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“你能為我做一些長得像
奧林匹克標志的甜甜圈嗎？
奧林匹克標志的甜甜圈嗎？
08:54
Basically, you interlink
five doughnuts together ... "
five doughnuts together ... "
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基本上就是五個甜甜圈……”
08:56
I mean there's no way
they could say yes, right?
they could say yes, right?
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我覺得他們一定不會說好，
08:59
The doughnut maker took me so seriously.
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甜甜圈制作者把我當真了。
09:02
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
09:03
So she put out paper,
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所以她展開一張紙，
09:04
started jotting down
the colors and the rings,
the colors and the rings,
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開始記下顏色和五環，
09:06
and is like, "How can I make this?"
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思考該怎麼制作，
09:08
And then 15 minutes later,
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然后15分鐘后，
09:10
she came out with a box
that looked like Olympic rings.
that looked like Olympic rings.
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她帶著一個像
奧林匹克五環的盒子走出來，
奧林匹克五環的盒子走出來，
09:14
And I was so touched.
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我非常感動，
09:15
I just couldn't believe it.
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我覺得難以置信。
09:18
And that video got
over five million views on Youtube.
over five million views on Youtube.
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那個視頻在Youtube上
獲得了超過5百萬的瀏覽量。
獲得了超過5百萬的瀏覽量。
09:22
The world couldn't believe that either.
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整個世界也無法相信。
09:24
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
09:27
You know, because of that
I was in newspapers,
I was in newspapers,
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你知道，因為這個，我上了報紙，
09:30
in talk shows, in everything.
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脫口秀，各种媒體。
09:32
And I became famous.
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我出名了。
09:33
A lot of people
started writing emails to me
started writing emails to me
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很多人開始向我寫郵件
09:35
and saying, "What you're
doing is awesome."
doing is awesome."
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並說：“你做的事情太棒了。”
09:38
But you know, fame and notoriety
did not do anything to me.
did not do anything to me.
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但是知名度並不是我想要的。
09:42
What I really wanted to do was learn,
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我真正想要的是學習
09:43
and to change myself,
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和改變自己。
09:45
so I turned the rest
of my 100 days of rejection
of my 100 days of rejection
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所以我把我剩下的被拒絕100天
09:47
into this playground --
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變成了游樂場，
09:49
into this research project.
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變成了研究項目。
09:51
I wanted to see what I could learn.
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我想知道我能學到什麼，
09:54
And then I learned a lot of things.
253
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我學到了很多事情，
09:56
I discovered so many secrets.
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我發現了很多秘密。
09:57
For example, I found if I just don't run,
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比如，我發現如果我沒有逃跑，
10:00
if I got rejected,
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如果我被拒絕
10:01
I could actually turn a "no" into a "yes,"
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我可以把“不行”變成“行”，
10:04
and the magic word is, "why."
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而且那個神奇的詞語就是“為什麼”
10:05
So one day I went to a stranger's house,
I had this flower in my hand,
I had this flower in my hand,
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所以有一天，
我去一個陌生人家，捧著一束花，
我去一個陌生人家，捧著一束花，
10:09
knocked on the door and said,
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敲他的門，並說：
10:11
"Hey, can I plant this flower
in your backyard?"
in your backyard?"
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“嘿，我能把
這束花種在你的后院嗎？”
這束花種在你的后院嗎？”
10:13
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
10:15
And he said, "No."
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然后他說：“不行。”
10:17
But before he could leave I said,
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但是在他離開之前，我說：
10:19
"Hey, can I know why?"
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1936
“嘿，我能知道為什麼嗎？”
10:21
And he said, "Well, I have this dog
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他說：”我有一隻狗，
10:24
that would dig up
anything I put in the backyard.
anything I put in the backyard.
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會拔起我種在后院的所有東西。
10:26
I don't want to waste your flower.
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我不希望浪費你的鮮花。
10:28
If you want to do this,
go across the street and talk to Connie.
go across the street and talk to Connie.
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如果你想做這件事，
到街對面，詢問康妮，
到街對面，詢問康妮，
10:31
She loves flowers."
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1216
她很愛花。”
10:33
So that's what I did.
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我照著做了。
10:34
I went across and knocked
on Connie's door.
on Connie's door.
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我走過街，敲康妮家的門。
10:36
And she was so happy to see me.
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她看到我非常開心。
10:38
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
10:39
And then half an hour later,
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1376
然后一個半小時后……
10:41
there was this flower
in Connie's backyard.
in Connie's backyard.
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這就是在康妮后院的那束花。
10:43
I'm sure it looks better now.
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1416
我保証它現在看起來更好。
10:44
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
10:46
But had I left
after the initial rejection,
after the initial rejection,
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但是如果我在初次拒絕后離開，
10:49
I would've thought,
280
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1216
我可能會想
10:50
well, it's because
the guy didn't trust me,
the guy didn't trust me,
281
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2056
是因為那個人不信任我，
10:52
it's because I was crazy,
282
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1216
因為我瘋了，
10:53
because I didn't dress up well,
I didn't look good.
I didn't look good.
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2416
因為我的穿著，因為我看起來不好。
10:56
It was none of those.
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都不是。
10:57
It was because what I offered
did not fit what he wanted.
did not fit what he wanted.
285
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是因為我提出的不符合他所想的。
11:00
And he trusted me enough
to offer me a referral,
to offer me a referral,
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他足夠信任我給我推薦，
11:02
using a sales term.
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用一個銷售術語，
11:04
I converted a referral.
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1520
轉交處理。
11:06
Then one day --
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然后又一天，
11:07
and I also learned that I can
actually say certain things
actually say certain things
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2896
我學到我可以說一些事情，
11:10
and maximize my chance to get a yes.
291
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1936
最大化被接受的可能。
11:12
So for example,
one day I went to a Starbucks,
one day I went to a Starbucks,
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2216
比如，有一天我去一家星巴克
11:15
and asked the manager,
"Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?"
"Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?"
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3576
問經理“我能成為一個星巴克迎賓員嗎？”
11:18
He was like, "What's a Starbucks greeter?"
294
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2376
他問：“什麼是星巴克迎賓員？”
11:21
I said, "Do you know
those Walmart greeters?
those Walmart greeters?
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我說：“你知道那些沃爾瑪迎賓員嗎？
11:23
You know, those people who say
'hi' to you before you walk in the store,
'hi' to you before you walk in the store,
296
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3416
就是那些在你走進店鋪前
對你打招呼，
對你打招呼，
11:26
and make sure you
don't steal stuff, basically?
don't steal stuff, basically?
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2216
保証你不偷東西的人？
11:28
I want to give a Walmart experience
to Starbucks customers."
to Starbucks customers."
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3136
我想給星巴克顧客一個沃爾瑪體驗。”
11:31
(Laughter)
299
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（笑聲）
11:33
Well, I'm not sure
that's a good thing, actually --
that's a good thing, actually --
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我確定那不是一個好事，
11:37
Actually, I'm pretty sure
it's a bad thing.
it's a bad thing.
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2496
我蠻確定那是一個壞事。
11:40
And he was like, "Oh" --
302
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2056
然后他說：“哦，”
11:42
yeah, this is how he looked,
his name is Eric --
his name is Eric --
303
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他看起來是這樣的，
他的名字是艾瑞卡，
他的名字是艾瑞卡，
11:44
and he was like, "I'm not sure."
304
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1576
他說：“我不確定。”
11:46
This is how he was hearing me. "Not sure."
305
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2056
他是這樣說的“我不確定。”
11:48
Then I ask him, "Is that weird?"
306
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1656
然后我問他，“這很奇怪嗎？”
11:49
He's like, "Yeah, it's really weird, man."
307
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2040
他說：“沒錯，這很奇怪。”
11:52
But as soon as he said that,
his whole demeanor changed.
his whole demeanor changed.
308
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但是在他說完之后，
他的整個舉止發生了改變。
他的整個舉止發生了改變。
11:55
It's as if he's putting
all the doubt on the floor.
all the doubt on the floor.
309
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2936
像是他提出了所有的疑問。
11:58
And he said, "Yeah, you can do this,
310
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1736
他說：“好，你可以做這個，
12:00
just don't get too weird."
311
708400
1256
就是不要走的太奇怪。”
12:01
(Laughter)
312
709680
1416
（笑聲）
12:03
So for the next hour
I was the Starbucks greeter.
I was the Starbucks greeter.
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所以下一個小時內，
我是星巴克迎賓員。
我是星巴克迎賓員。
12:05
I said "hi" to every customer
that walked in,
that walked in,
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我對每一個進門的顧客說“你好”
12:07
and gave them holiday cheers.
315
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2376
祝他們節日快樂。
12:10
By the way, I don't know
what your career trajectory is,
what your career trajectory is,
316
718080
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順便說一下，
我不知道你的職業軌跡是什麼，
我不知道你的職業軌跡是什麼，
12:12
don't be a greeter.
317
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不要當一個迎賓員。
12:14
(Laughter)
318
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（笑聲）
12:15
It was really boring.
319
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1200
這很的很無聊。
12:17
But then I found I could do this
because I mentioned, "Is that weird?"
because I mentioned, "Is that weird?"
320
725200
4936
但是，然后我發現能夠做這件事，
是因為我提到了“這很奇怪嗎？”
是因為我提到了“這很奇怪嗎？”
12:22
I mentioned the doubt that he was having.
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我提出了他的疑問。
12:24
And because I mentioned, "Is that weird?",
that means I wasn't weird.
that means I wasn't weird.
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3536
因為我提到了“這很奇怪嗎？”，
這意味著我不奇怪，
這意味著我不奇怪，
12:27
That means I was actually
thinking just like him,
thinking just like him,
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這意味著我像他一樣思考，
12:30
seeing this as a weird thing.
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把這個當成一件奇怪的事情，
12:32
And again, and again,
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一次，又一次，
12:34
I learned that if I mention
some doubt people might have
some doubt people might have
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我學到了如果我提到
別人可能會有的疑問，
別人可能會有的疑問，
12:37
before I ask the question,
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在我詢問之前，
12:39
I gained their trust.
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我得到了別人的信任。
12:40
People were more likely to say yes to me.
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人們會更有可能對我說“行”，
12:42
And then I learned
I could fulfill my life dream ...
I could fulfill my life dream ...
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然后我學到了我可以完成我的人生夢想
12:46
by asking.
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通過詢問。
12:47
You know, I came
from four generations of teachers,
from four generations of teachers,
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我來自一個四代是老師的家庭，
12:50
and my grandma has always told me,
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我的奶奶一直跟我說，
12:53
"Hey Jia, you can do anything you want,
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“賈，你可以做你想做的
12:55
but it'd be great
if you became a teacher."
if you became a teacher."
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但是你能成為一名老師是很好的。”
12:58
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
12:59
But I wanted to be
an entrepreneur, so I didn't.
an entrepreneur, so I didn't.
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但是我想成為一個企業家，
所以我沒當老師。
所以我沒當老師。
13:01
But it has always been my dream
to actually teach something.
to actually teach something.
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但是教授一些東西一直是我的夢想。
13:05
So I said, "What if I just ask
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所以我想：“如果我直接
13:07
and teach a college class?"
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請求上一節大學課程呢？”
13:09
I lived in Austin at the time,
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那個時候我住在奧斯汀，
13:11
so I went to University
of Texas at Austin,
of Texas at Austin,
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所以我去了德州大學奧斯汀分校
13:13
and knocked on professors' doors
and said, "Can I teach your class?"
and said, "Can I teach your class?"
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敲教授的門，並問
“我可以教你的課嗎？”
“我可以教你的課嗎？”
13:16
I didn't get anywhere
the first couple of times.
the first couple of times.
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開始幾次我什麼也沒得到，
13:18
But because I didn't run --
I kept doing it --
I kept doing it --
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但是因為我沒有逃跑，我堅持下去，
13:21
and on the third try
the professor was very impressed.
the professor was very impressed.
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第三次，教授對我印象深刻。
13:24
He was like, "No one
has done this before."
has done this before."
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他說：“沒人做過這件事。”
13:26
And I came in prepared
with powerpoints and my lesson.
with powerpoints and my lesson.
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我開始准備幻燈片和課程。
13:30
He said, "Wow, I can use this.
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他說：“哇，
我真的可以用這些東西。
我真的可以用這些東西。
13:33
Why don't you come back in two months?
I'll fit you in my curriculum."
I'll fit you in my curriculum."
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你能在兩個月后回來，
我把你加到我的課表裡。”
我把你加到我的課表裡。”
13:36
And two months later
I was teaching a class.
I was teaching a class.
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兩個月后，我上了一堂課。
13:38
This is me -- you probably can't see,
this is a bad picture.
this is a bad picture.
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這是我，你可能看不到，
這個照片不清晰。
這個照片不清晰。
13:41
You know, sometimes you get
rejected by lighting, you know?
rejected by lighting, you know?
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有的時候你會被光線拒絕，對嗎？
13:44
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
13:46
But wow --
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但是，哇
13:48
when I finished teaching that class,
I walked out crying,
I walked out crying,
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當我上完那堂課，我哭著走出來，
13:50
because I thought
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因為我覺得，
13:52
I could fulfill my life dream
just by simply asking.
just by simply asking.
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我能夠用簡單的詢問完成我的人生夢想。
13:55
I used to think I have to accomplish
all these things --
all these things --
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我原本認為我一定要完成的事情——
13:58
have to be a great entrepreneur,
or get a PhD to teach --
or get a PhD to teach --
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成為一個杰出的企業家，
得到一個博士學位來教書，
得到一個博士學位來教書，
14:02
but no, I just asked,
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但是，我隻需要詢問，
14:03
and I could teach.
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我就能教書。
14:05
And in that picture --
which you can't see --
which you can't see --
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在那個圖片裡，你看不到，
14:07
I quoted Martin Luther King Jr.
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我援引馬丁路德金，
14:11
Why? Because in my research I found
that people who really change the world,
that people who really change the world,
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為什麼？因為我的研究發現改變世界，
14:15
who change the way we live
and the way we think,
and the way we think,
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改變我們生活和思考的方式的人
14:18
are the people who were met
with initial and often violent rejections.
with initial and often violent rejections.
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都是那些受到長期暴力拒絕的人。
14:22
People like Martin Luther King Jr.,
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像馬丁路德金的人，
14:24
like Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela,
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像聖雄甘地，尼爾森曼德拉，
14:27
or even Jesus Christ.
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甚至耶穌。
14:28
These people did not
let rejection define them.
let rejection define them.
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這些人沒有讓拒絕定義他們。
14:31
They let their own reaction
after rejection define themselves.
after rejection define themselves.
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他們讓他們被拒絕后的反應定義他們。
14:37
And they embraced rejection.
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他們擁抱拒絕。
14:39
And we don't have to be those people
to learn about rejection,
to learn about rejection,
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我們不需要成為那些人來學習拒絕，
14:42
but in my case,
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我的情況下，
14:43
rejection was my curse --
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拒絕是我的詛咒，
14:46
was my boogeyman.
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是我的夢魔。
14:47
It has bothered me my whole life
because I was running away from it.
because I was running away from it.
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因為我從中逃跑，
它困擾我的整個人生。
它困擾我的整個人生。
14:51
Then I started embracing it.
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然后我開始擁抱它。
14:53
I turned that into
the biggest gift in my life.
the biggest gift in my life.
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我把它轉變為人生中最大的禮物。
14:57
I started teaching people
how to turn rejections into opportunities.
how to turn rejections into opportunities.
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我開始教導別人如何把拒絕變成機會。
15:01
I use my blog, I use my talk,
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我用我的博客，我的演講，
15:03
I use the book I just published,
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我用我剛剛出版的書，
15:05
and I'm even using technology to help
people overcome their fear of rejection.
people overcome their fear of rejection.
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我還建造幫助人們
克服對拒絕的恐懼的科技。
克服對拒絕的恐懼的科技。
15:12
When you get rejected in life,
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當你在人生中被拒絕，
15:14
when you are facing the next obstacle,
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當你面對下一個障礙
15:16
or next failure,
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或下一個失敗，
15:18
consider the possibilities.
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考慮那個可能性。
15:20
Don't run.
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不要逃跑。
15:21
If you just embrace them,
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如果你擁抱它們，
15:22
they might become your gifts as well.
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它們也可能成為你的禮物。
15:25
Thank you.
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謝謝
15:26
(Applause)
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（鼓掌）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jia Jiang - Author, blogger, entrepreneurJia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine.
Why you should listen
Jia Jiang is the owner of Rejection Therapy, a website that provides inspiration, knowledge and products for people to overcome their fear of rejection. He is also the CEO of Wuju Learning, a company that teaches people and trains organizations to become fearless through rejection training. In 2015, he authored a bestselling book, Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection.
Several years after Jiang began his career in the corporate world, he took a life-altering risk and stepped into the unknown world of entrepreneurship. His result was everyone's biggest fear: rejection. This was the catalyst that set Jiang on the path to his true calling.
To conquer the fear of rejection, Jiang embarked on a personal quest and started a blog, 100 Days of Rejection Therapy. His journey revealed a world that was hidden in plain sight -- a world where people are much kinder than we imagine. He discovered that rejection can be much less painful than we believe and that the fear of rejection is much more destructive than we know.
Jiang grew up in Beijing, China and migrated to the United States at age 16. He holds a Bachelor of Computer Science from Brigham Young University and a Master of Business Administration from Duke University.
Jia Jiang | Speaker | TED.com