TEDxMtHood
Jia Jiang: What I learned from 100 days of rejection
Jia Jiang: O que aprendín en 100 días de rexeitamento
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Jia Jiang aventúrase sen medo nun territorio que moita xente teme: o rexeitamento. Ao buscar o rexeitamento durante 100 días; pedindo, por exemplo, prestados 100 dólares a un descoñecido ou requirindo un reposto de hamburguesa nun restaurante, Jiang perdeu a sensibilidade á dor e á vergoña que implica o rexeitamento e, no proceso, descubriu que pedir o que queres pode abrirche posibilidades onde esperabas atopar camiños sen saída.
Jia Jiang - Author, blogger, entrepreneur
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine. Full bio
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
When I was six years old,
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Cando tiña seis anos,
recibín os meu regalos.
00:14
I received my gifts.
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00:16
My first grade teacher
had this brilliant idea.
had this brilliant idea.
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A miña mestra de primeiro
tivo unha idea brillante.
tivo unha idea brillante.
00:19
She wanted us to experience
receiving gifts
receiving gifts
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Quería que tivésemos
a experiencia de recibir regalos
a experiencia de recibir regalos
e tamén a de aprender a
cumprimentarnos mutuamente.
cumprimentarnos mutuamente.
00:23
but also learning the virtue
of complimenting each other.
of complimenting each other.
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00:27
So she had all of us
come to the front of the classroom,
come to the front of the classroom,
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Así que nos fixo ir a todos
á fronte da clase,
á fronte da clase,
compráranos regalos
e puxéraos nunha esquina.
e puxéraos nunha esquina.
00:30
and she bought all of us gifts
and stacked them in the corner.
and stacked them in the corner.
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E dixo:
00:33
And she said,
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"Por que non nos
gabamos uns aos outros?
gabamos uns aos outros?
00:34
"Why don't we just stand here
and compliment each other?
and compliment each other?
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Cando escoitedes o voso nome,
00:37
If you hear your name called,
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00:39
go and pick up your gift and sit down."
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ide, collede o voso regalo e sentade."
00:42
What a wonderful idea, right?
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Que idea máis marabillosa, non si?
00:44
What could go wrong?
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Como podía ir a cousa mal?
(Risos)
00:46
(Laughter)
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00:48
Well, there were 40 of us to start with,
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Pois, para comezar, eramos 40
e cada vez que eu oía
o nome de alguén
o nome de alguén
00:50
and every time I heard
someone's name called,
someone's name called,
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00:53
I would give out the heartiest cheer.
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daba o viva máis intenso.
00:55
And then there were 20 people left,
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E quedaban só 20 persoas,
e quedaban só dez persoas,
00:57
and 10 people left,
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e cinco...
00:59
and five left ...
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01:01
and three left.
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e tres.
01:03
And I was one of them.
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E eu era un deses.
01:04
And the compliments stopped.
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E os cumprimentos pararon.
01:07
Well, at that moment, I was crying.
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Nese momento, eu choraba.
01:10
And the teacher was freaking out.
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A profesora púxose moi nerviosa.
01:12
She was like, "Hey, would anyone
say anything nice about these people?"
say anything nice about these people?"
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Dicía "Ei, quen lle di
algo agradable a esta xente?"
algo agradable a esta xente?"
01:16
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
01:17
"No one? OK, why don't you
go get your gift and sit down.
go get your gift and sit down.
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"Ninguén? Ben, pois ide coller
o voso regalo e sentade.
o voso regalo e sentade.
01:20
So behave next year --
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E sede bos,
o ano que vén
o ano que vén
quizais alguén diga
algo bonito de vós."
algo bonito de vós."
01:21
someone might say
something nice about you."
something nice about you."
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(Risos)
01:24
(Laughter)
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01:26
Well, as I'm describing this you,
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Ao describirvos isto,
01:28
you probably know
I remember this really well.
I remember this really well.
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seguro que vos decatastes
de que o lembro moi ben.
de que o lembro moi ben.
01:30
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
01:32
But I don't know who felt worse that day.
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Mais eu non sei quen se
sentiu peor ese día.
sentiu peor ese día.
01:35
Was it me or the teacher?
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Eu ou a profesora?
01:37
She must have realized
that she turned a team-building event
that she turned a team-building event
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Ela debeu decatarse de que
convertera un xogo de cooperación
convertera un xogo de cooperación
01:40
into a public roast
for three six-year-olds.
for three six-year-olds.
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nun escarnio público para
tres nenos de seis anos.
tres nenos de seis anos.
01:43
And without the humor.
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E sen ningunha graza.
01:45
You know, when you see
people get roasted on TV,
people get roasted on TV,
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Cando vedes xente
da que se moquean na TV,
da que se moquean na TV,
01:47
it was funny.
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é gracioso.
Ese día non houbo nada gracioso.
01:48
There was nothing funny about that day.
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01:51
So that was one version of me,
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Así que esa era unha versión de min,
e preferiría morrer antes
que volver a estar nesa situación,
que volver a estar nesa situación,
01:54
and I would die to avoid
being in that situation again --
being in that situation again --
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volver a ser rexeitado en público.
01:57
to get rejected in public again.
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02:00
That's one version.
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Esa é unha versión.
Agora imos aos meus oito anos.
02:02
Then fast-forward eight years.
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02:04
Bill Gates came to my hometown --
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Bill Gates veu á miña cidade,
02:06
Beijing, China --
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Pequín, China,
02:07
to speak,
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para dar unha charla,
02:08
and I saw his message.
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e eu pillei a súa mensaxe.
Namoreime daquel tipo.
02:10
I fell in love with that guy.
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02:13
I thought, wow,
I know what I want to do now.
I know what I want to do now.
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Pensei: "Xa sei o que quero facer".
Esa noite escribinlle
unha carta á miña familia
unha carta á miña familia
02:15
That night I wrote a letter to my family
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02:18
telling them: "By age 25,
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dicindo: "Aos 25 anos,
02:20
I will build the biggest
company in the world,
company in the world,
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vou crear a compañía
máis grande do mundo
máis grande do mundo
02:23
and that company will buy Microsoft."
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e esa compañía vai comprar Microsoft."
02:25
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
02:26
I totally embraced this idea
of conquering the world --
of conquering the world --
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Aferreime a esa idea
de conquistar o mundo,
de conquistar o mundo,
02:29
domination, right?
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dominalo.
02:31
And I didn't make this up,
I did write that letter.
I did write that letter.
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Non o inventei, de verdade
escribín esa carta.
escribín esa carta.
E aquí está.
02:34
And here it is --
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02:35
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
02:37
You don't have to read this through --
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Non tedes que lela.
(Risos)
02:39
(Laughter)
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Tiña mala letra pero marcara
as palabras importantes.
as palabras importantes.
02:41
This is also bad handwriting,
but I did highlight some key words.
but I did highlight some key words.
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02:45
You get the idea.
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Colledes a idea.
02:46
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
02:48
So ...
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Así que...
02:51
that was another version of me:
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Esa era outra versión de min:
02:53
one who will conquer the world.
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alguén que ía conquistar o mundo.
02:55
Well, then two years later,
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Dous anos máis tarde,
02:57
I was presented with the opportunity
to come to the United States.
to come to the United States.
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xurdiume a oportunidade de
vir aos EUA.
vir aos EUA.
03:01
I jumped on it,
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Agarreina,
03:03
because that was
where Bill Gates lived, right?
where Bill Gates lived, right?
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porque era
onde vivía Bill Gates, non?
onde vivía Bill Gates, non?
(Risos)
03:05
(Laughter)
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03:06
I thought that was the start
of my entrepreneur journey.
of my entrepreneur journey.
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Pensei que era o comezo do meu
camiño como empresario.
camiño como empresario.
03:09
Then, fast-forward another 14 years.
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Agora, avancemos outros 14 anos.
Tiña 30.
03:11
I was 30.
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03:13
Nope, I didn't build that company.
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Non, non creei aquela empresa.
Nin sequera comecei.
03:15
I didn't even start.
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Era director comercial
nunha empresa Fortune 500.
nunha empresa Fortune 500.
03:17
I was actually a marketing manager
for a Fortune 500 company.
for a Fortune 500 company.
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E sentíame bloqueado;
03:21
And I felt I was stuck;
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estaba estancado.
03:23
I was stagnant.
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03:25
Why is that?
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Por que?
Onde está o rapaz de 14 anos
que escribiu esa carta?
que escribiu esa carta?
03:26
Where is that 14-year-old
who wrote that letter?
who wrote that letter?
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03:29
It's not because he didn't try.
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Non é porque non o intentase.
03:31
It's because every time I had a new idea,
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É porque cada vez que tiña unha idea,
03:34
every time I wanted to try something new,
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cada vez que quería intentar algo novo,
03:36
even at work --
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mesmo no traballo,
03:37
I wanted to make a proposal,
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que quería facer unha proposta,
03:39
I wanted to speak up
in front of people in a group --
in front of people in a group --
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que quería falar en fronte
dun grupo de xente,
dun grupo de xente,
sentía que estaba nunha loita constante
03:43
I felt there was this constant battle
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03:45
between the 14-year-old
and the six-year-old.
and the six-year-old.
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entre o rapaz de 14 anos
e o de 6.
e o de 6.
03:47
One wanted to conquer the world --
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Un quería conquistar o mundo,
03:50
make a difference --
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marcar a diferenza,
03:51
another was afraid of rejection.
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o outro tiña medo do rexeitamento.
03:54
And every time that six-year-old won.
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E sempre gañaba
o rapaz de seis anos.
o rapaz de seis anos.
03:57
And this fear even persisted
after I started my own company.
after I started my own company.
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Este medo persistiu cando
creei a miña propia empresa.
creei a miña propia empresa.
04:01
I mean, I started
my own company when I was 30 --
my own company when I was 30 --
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Quero dicir, empecei a miña
empresa cando tiña 30,
empresa cando tiña 30,
se queredes ser Bill Gates
04:05
if you want to be Bill Gates,
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tedes que comezar antes ou despois, non?
04:06
you've got to start
sooner or later, right?
sooner or later, right?
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04:09
When I was an entrepreneur,
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Cando pasei a ser empresario,
presentóuseme a oportunidade
de que alguén investise,
de que alguén investise,
04:11
I was presented
with an investment opportunity,
with an investment opportunity,
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e rexeitáronme.
04:14
and then I was turned down.
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04:17
And that rejection hurt me.
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E ese rexeitamento doeume.
E doeume tanto que quixen
abandonar todo alí mesmo.
abandonar todo alí mesmo.
04:18
It hurt me so bad
that I wanted to quit right there.
that I wanted to quit right there.
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04:23
But then I thought,
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Pero pensei:
"Ei, Bill Gates abandonaría
tras un rexeitamento para investir?
tras un rexeitamento para investir?
04:24
hey, would Bill Gates quit
after a simple investment rejection?
after a simple investment rejection?
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04:29
Would any successful
entrepreneur quit like that?
entrepreneur quit like that?
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Abandonaría así calquera
outro empresario con éxito?
outro empresario con éxito?
04:31
No way.
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Nin falar."
04:33
And this is where it clicked for me.
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E aquí é onde me dei de conta.
04:35
OK, I can build a better company.
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Ben, podo crear unha compañía mellor.
Podo crear un equipo
mellor ou un produto mellor,
mellor ou un produto mellor,
04:37
I can build a better
team or better product,
team or better product,
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04:39
but one thing for sure:
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pero unha cousa está clara:
Teño que ser un líder mellor.
04:40
I've got to be a better leader.
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Teño que ser unha persoa mellor.
04:42
I've got to be a better person.
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04:44
I cannot let that six-year-old
keep dictating my life anymore.
keep dictating my life anymore.
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Non podo deixar que aquel rapaz de
6 anos dirixa a miña vida.
6 anos dirixa a miña vida.
04:48
I have to put him back in his place.
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Teño que poñelo no seu lugar.
04:51
So this is where I went online
and looked for help.
and looked for help.
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Así foi como me metín na rede
e busquei axuda.
e busquei axuda.
Google era o meu amigo.
04:53
Google was my friend.
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(Risos)
04:54
(Laughter)
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Busquei: "Como superar
o medo ao rexeitamento?"
o medo ao rexeitamento?"
04:55
I searched, "How do I overcome
the fear of rejection?"
the fear of rejection?"
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04:59
I came up with a bunch
of psychology articles
of psychology articles
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Atopei unha morea
de artigos psicolóxicos
de artigos psicolóxicos
05:01
about where the fear
and pain are coming from.
and pain are coming from.
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sobre de onde veñen
o medo e a dor.
o medo e a dor.
05:04
Then I came up with a bunch
of "rah-rah" inspirational articles
of "rah-rah" inspirational articles
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Despois atopei unha morea
de artigos inspiradores.
de artigos inspiradores.
05:08
about "Don't take it personally,
just overcome it."
just overcome it."
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"Non o tomes como un asunto
persoal, supérao."
persoal, supérao."
05:11
Who doesn't know that?
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Quen non sabe iso?
(Risos)
05:12
(Laughter)
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Pero por que seguía
tan asustado?
tan asustado?
05:14
But why was I still so scared?
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05:16
Then I found this website by luck.
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Entón, atopei esta páxina por casualidade.
05:18
It's called rejectiontherapy.com.
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Chámase rejectiontherapy.com.
05:21
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
"A terapia do rexeitamento" era un xogo
inventado por un empresario canadiense.
inventado por un empresario canadiense.
05:23
"Rejection Therapy" was this game
invented by this Canadian entrepreneur.
invented by this Canadian entrepreneur.
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05:27
His name is Jason Comely.
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O seu nome é Jason Comely.
05:29
And basically the idea is for 30 days
you go out and look for rejection,
you go out and look for rejection,
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Basicamente, a idea é que durante 30 días
saias e busques o rexeitamento,
saias e busques o rexeitamento,
05:34
and every day get rejected at something,
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e que cada día te rexeiten en algo
05:36
and then by the end,
you desensitize yourself from the pain.
you desensitize yourself from the pain.
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e, ao final, deixas
de ser sensible á dor.
de ser sensible á dor.
05:41
And I loved that idea.
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Encantoume a idea.
05:43
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
Dixen: "Sabes que?
Vou facelo.
Vou facelo.
05:44
I said, "You know what?
I'm going to do this.
I'm going to do this.
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05:46
And I'll feel myself
getting rejected 100 days."
getting rejected 100 days."
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E vou sentirme rexeitado
durante 100 días."
durante 100 días."
05:49
And I came up with my own rejection ideas,
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E xurdíronme ideas propias
sobre o rexeitamento
sobre o rexeitamento
05:52
and I made a video blog out of it.
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e fixen un vídeo blog diso.
05:55
And so here's what I did.
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E aquí está o que fixen.
Así é o blog.
05:57
This is what the blog looked like.
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Día 1:
06:00
Day One ...
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06:02
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
Pídelle prestados 100 dólares
a un descoñecido.
a un descoñecido.
06:03
Borrow 100 dollars from a stranger.
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06:07
So this is where I went
to where I was working.
to where I was working.
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Así que fun a onde traballaba.
Baixei as escaleiras
06:10
I came downstairs
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06:12
and I saw this big guy
sitting behind a desk.
sitting behind a desk.
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e vin un home grande
sentado nun escritorio.
sentado nun escritorio.
06:14
He looked like a security guard.
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Parecía un garda de seguridade.
06:16
So I just approached him.
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Así que me aproximei.
06:17
And I was just walking
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Ía camiñando
06:19
and that was the longest
walk of my life --
walk of my life --
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e foi o camiño
máis longo da miña vida,
máis longo da miña vida,
o pelo da caluga de punta,
06:22
hair on the back
of my neck standing up,
of my neck standing up,
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06:24
I was sweating and my heart was pounding.
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estaba suando, o corazón batíame.
06:26
And I got there and said,
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Cheguei alí e dixen:
06:27
"Hey, sir, can I borrow
100 dollars from you?"
100 dollars from you?"
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"Señor, pode prestarme
100 dólares?"
100 dólares?"
06:30
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
06:31
And he looked up, he's like, "No."
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Miroume e dixo: "Non.
Por que?"
06:34
"Why?"
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06:36
And I just said, "No? I'm sorry."
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E simplemente dixen:
"Non? Canto o sinto."
"Non? Canto o sinto."
06:38
Then I turned around,
and I just ran.
and I just ran.
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Dei media volta e corrín.
06:40
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
06:43
I felt so embarrassed.
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Sentín moita vergoña.
06:44
But because I filmed myself --
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Pero, como me gravara,
06:46
so that night I was watching
myself getting rejected,
myself getting rejected,
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esa noite vinme a min
mesmo sendo rexeitado,
mesmo sendo rexeitado,
06:49
I just saw how scared I was.
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vin o asustado que estaba.
06:51
I looked like this kid
in "The Sixth Sense."
in "The Sixth Sense."
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Parecía o rapaz de "O sexto sentido."
06:54
I saw dead people.
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Vexo xente morta.
06:55
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
06:57
But then I saw this guy.
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Pero despois vin o home.
06:58
You know, he wasn't that menacing.
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Sabedes, non era tan ameazador.
07:00
He was a chubby, loveable guy,
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Era un home gordiño e encantador,
07:03
and he even asked me, "Why?"
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mesmo me preguntou: "Por que?
07:06
In fact, he invited me to explain myself.
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De feito, convidoume a explicarme.
07:08
And I could've said many things.
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E puiden dicir moitas cousas.
Puiden explicarme.
Puiden negociar.
Puiden negociar.
07:10
I could've explained,
I could've negotiated.
I could've negotiated.
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07:12
I didn't do any of that.
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Non fixen nada diso.
07:14
All I did was run.
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Só corrín.
07:17
I felt, wow, this is like
the microcosm of my life.
the microcosm of my life.
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Sentín, uau, que aquilo era como
un microcosmos da miña vida.
un microcosmos da miña vida.
07:21
Every time I felt the slightest rejection,
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Cada vez que sentía o mínimo rexeitamento,
07:23
I would just run as fast as I could.
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corría o máis rápido que podía.
07:25
And you know what?
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E sabedes que?
Ao día seguinte, pasase o que pasase,
07:27
The next day, no matter what happens,
186
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07:28
I'm not going to run.
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non ía correr.
07:30
I'll stay engaged.
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Ía quedar.
07:32
Day Two: Request a "burger refill."
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Día 2: Pide unha
"recarga de hamburguesa".
"recarga de hamburguesa".
07:34
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
07:36
It's when I went to a burger joint,
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Fun a unha hamburguesaría,
07:38
I finished lunch,
and I went to the cashier and said,
and I went to the cashier and said,
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rematei de xantar e fun
á caixa e dixen:
á caixa e dixen:
"Ola, podo reencher
a hamburguesa?"
a hamburguesa?"
07:41
"Hi, can I get a burger refill?"
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07:42
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
07:44
He was all confused,
like, "What's a burger refill?"
like, "What's a burger refill?"
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El estaba moi confuso,
como "Que é iso?"
como "Que é iso?"
(Risos)
07:47
(Laughter)
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Dixen: "É como coa
bebida pero cunha hamburguesa."
bebida pero cunha hamburguesa."
07:48
I said, "Well, it's just like
a drink refill but with a burger."
a drink refill but with a burger."
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E dixo: "Síntoo, non
o facemos, ho."
o facemos, ho."
07:52
And he said, "Sorry,
we don't do burger refill, man."
we don't do burger refill, man."
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07:54
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
07:56
So this is where rejection happened
and I could have run, but I stayed.
and I could have run, but I stayed.
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Aquí foi onde ocorreu o rexeitamento
e podería fuxir, pero quedei.
e podería fuxir, pero quedei.
08:00
I said, "Well, I love your burgers,
201
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E dixen: "Encántanme as hamburguesas,
08:02
I love your joint,
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encántame este sitio
08:03
and if you guys do a burger refill,
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e se facedes unha recarga de hamburguesa,
08:06
I will love you guys more."
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encantarédesme máis."
08:07
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
E dixo: "Ben, direillo
ao meu xefe,
ao meu xefe,
08:08
And he said, "Well, OK,
I'll tell my manager about it,
I'll tell my manager about it,
206
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08:11
and maybe we'll do it,
but sorry, we can't do this today."
but sorry, we can't do this today."
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quizais o fagamos, pero síntoo,
hoxe non pode ser."
hoxe non pode ser."
08:14
Then I left.
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Despois marchei.
08:15
And by the way,
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E a propósito,
08:17
I don't think they've
ever done burger refill.
ever done burger refill.
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non creo que fixesen
a recarga de hamburguesa.
a recarga de hamburguesa.
08:19
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
08:21
I think they're still there.
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Creo que aínda están alí.
08:23
But the life and death feeling
I was feeling the first time
I was feeling the first time
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Pero o sentimento de vida ou morte
que sentín a primeira vez
que sentín a primeira vez
08:26
was no longer there,
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494480
1336
xa non estaba,
08:27
just because I stayed engaged --
215
495840
1736
só porque quedei,
08:29
because I didn't run.
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497600
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porque non fuxín.
08:31
I said, "Wow, great,
I'm already learning things.
I'm already learning things.
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Dixen: Xenial, estou
aprendendo cousas.
aprendendo cousas.
08:34
Great."
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502520
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Xenial."
E despois, Día 3:
Consigue donuts olímpicos.
Consigue donuts olímpicos.
08:35
And then Day Three:
Getting Olympic Doughnuts.
Getting Olympic Doughnuts.
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503760
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08:38
This is where my life
was turned upside down.
was turned upside down.
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506760
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Aquí, a miña vida
púxose patas arriba.
púxose patas arriba.
08:42
I went to a Krispy Kreme.
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Fun a un Krispy Kreme.
08:43
It's a doughnut shop
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511760
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É unha tenda de donuts
08:45
in mainly the Southeastern part
of the United States.
of the United States.
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que hai, sobre todo, no
Sueste dos EUA.
Sueste dos EUA.
08:47
I'm sure they have some here, too.
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515640
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Seguro que tamén a hai aquí.
E entrei,
08:49
And I went in,
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517520
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e dixen: "Podedes facerme donuts
que parezan símbolos olímpicos?
que parezan símbolos olímpicos?
08:50
I said, "Can you make me doughnuts
that look like Olympic symbols?
that look like Olympic symbols?
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518799
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Basicamente, é entrelazar
cinco donuts xuntos..."
cinco donuts xuntos..."
08:54
Basically, you interlink
five doughnuts together ... "
five doughnuts together ... "
227
521960
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08:56
I mean there's no way
they could say yes, right?
they could say yes, right?
228
524880
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Non había maneira
de que dixesen que si, non?
de que dixesen que si, non?
08:59
The doughnut maker took me so seriously.
229
527640
2376
A que facía os donuts
tomoume moi en serio.
tomoume moi en serio.
09:02
(Laughter)
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530040
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(Risos)
Ela sacou papel,
09:03
So she put out paper,
231
531280
1216
comezou a debuxar
as cores e os aneis,
as cores e os aneis,
09:04
started jotting down
the colors and the rings,
the colors and the rings,
232
532520
2176
09:06
and is like, "How can I make this?"
233
534720
2016
pensando como podería facelo.
09:08
And then 15 minutes later,
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536760
1896
E 15 minutos máis tarde,
09:10
she came out with a box
that looked like Olympic rings.
that looked like Olympic rings.
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3416
saíu cunha caixa parecida aos
aneis olímpicos.
aneis olímpicos.
09:14
And I was so touched.
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Eu estaba emocionado.
09:15
I just couldn't believe it.
237
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2136
Non o podía crer.
09:18
And that video got
over five million views on Youtube.
over five million views on Youtube.
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545960
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Ese vídeo conseguiu máis de
5 millóns de visitas en Youtube.
5 millóns de visitas en Youtube.
09:22
The world couldn't believe that either.
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550440
2096
O mundo tampouco podía crelo.
09:24
(Laughter)
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552560
1520
(Risos)
09:27
You know, because of that
I was in newspapers,
I was in newspapers,
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555440
3216
Sabedes, a causa diso,
aparecín nos xornais,
aparecín nos xornais,
09:30
in talk shows, in everything.
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558680
1416
en charlas, en todo.
09:32
And I became famous.
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560120
1496
Fíxenme famoso.
Moita xente comezou a
escribirme correos
escribirme correos
09:33
A lot of people
started writing emails to me
started writing emails to me
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561640
2136
dicindo: "O que estás facendo
é incrible."
é incrible."
09:35
and saying, "What you're
doing is awesome."
doing is awesome."
245
563800
2536
09:38
But you know, fame and notoriety
did not do anything to me.
did not do anything to me.
246
566360
3536
Pero, sabedes, a fama e a notoriedade
non me dicían nada.
non me dicían nada.
09:42
What I really wanted to do was learn,
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569920
1816
O que eu quería era aprender
09:43
and to change myself,
248
571760
1216
e cambiarme a min mesmo.
09:45
so I turned the rest
of my 100 days of rejection
of my 100 days of rejection
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573000
2616
Así que cambiei o resto dos
100 días de rexeitamento
100 días de rexeitamento
09:47
into this playground --
250
575640
1896
nun patio de xogos,
09:49
into this research project.
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2136
nun proxecto de investigación.
09:51
I wanted to see what I could learn.
252
579720
2080
Quería saber o que podía aprender.
09:54
And then I learned a lot of things.
253
582240
1776
E aprendín moitas cousas.
09:56
I discovered so many secrets.
254
584040
1576
Descubrín tantos segredos.
09:57
For example, I found if I just don't run,
255
585640
2896
Por exemplo, atopei que
se non fuxía
se non fuxía
10:00
if I got rejected,
256
588560
1256
ao ser rexeitado,
podía converter un "non"
nun "si",
nun "si",
10:01
I could actually turn a "no" into a "yes,"
257
589840
2056
e a palabra máxica é "por que".
10:04
and the magic word is, "why."
258
591920
1616
10:05
So one day I went to a stranger's house,
I had this flower in my hand,
I had this flower in my hand,
259
593560
4096
Así que un día fun á casa dun estraño,
levaba esta flor na man,
levaba esta flor na man,
10:09
knocked on the door and said,
260
597680
1416
chamei á porta e dixen:
"Podo plantar esta flor
no teu patio?"
no teu patio?"
10:11
"Hey, can I plant this flower
in your backyard?"
in your backyard?"
261
599120
2256
(Risos)
10:13
(Laughter)
262
601400
1536
10:15
And he said, "No."
263
602960
1720
E dixo: "Non."
Pero antes de que el marchase dixen:
10:17
But before he could leave I said,
264
605640
1736
10:19
"Hey, can I know why?"
265
607400
1936
"Podo saber por que?
10:21
And he said, "Well, I have this dog
266
609360
3056
E dixo: "Teño un can
que arrinca todo o que
planto no patio.
planto no patio.
10:24
that would dig up
anything I put in the backyard.
anything I put in the backyard.
267
612440
2336
Non quero estragar
a túa flor.
a túa flor.
10:26
I don't want to waste your flower.
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614800
1656
Se o queres facer,
cruza a rúa e fala con Connie.
cruza a rúa e fala con Connie.
10:28
If you want to do this,
go across the street and talk to Connie.
go across the street and talk to Connie.
269
616480
3176
Encántanlle as flores."
10:31
She loves flowers."
270
619680
1216
Así que fixen iso.
10:33
So that's what I did.
271
620920
1216
Crucei a rúa e petei
na porta de Connie.
na porta de Connie.
10:34
I went across and knocked
on Connie's door.
on Connie's door.
272
622160
2056
Estaba encantada de verme.
10:36
And she was so happy to see me.
273
624240
1856
10:38
(Laughter)
274
626120
1696
(Risos)
10:39
And then half an hour later,
275
627840
1376
E media hora máis tarde,
a flor estaba no patio de Connie.
10:41
there was this flower
in Connie's backyard.
in Connie's backyard.
276
629240
2056
Seguro que loce mellor agora.
10:43
I'm sure it looks better now.
277
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1416
10:44
(Laughter)
278
632760
1296
(Risos)
10:46
But had I left
after the initial rejection,
after the initial rejection,
279
634080
2936
Mais se eu marchase
despois do rexeitamento inicial
despois do rexeitamento inicial
10:49
I would've thought,
280
637040
1216
pensaría que era
porque o tipo non se fiaba de min,
10:50
well, it's because
the guy didn't trust me,
the guy didn't trust me,
281
638280
2056
porque estaba tolo,
10:52
it's because I was crazy,
282
640360
1216
porque non vestía ben,
non tiña boa pinta.
non tiña boa pinta.
10:53
because I didn't dress up well,
I didn't look good.
I didn't look good.
283
641600
2416
Non era nada diso.
10:56
It was none of those.
284
644040
1216
Era porque o que eu tiña
non encaixaba co que el quería.
non encaixaba co que el quería.
10:57
It was because what I offered
did not fit what he wanted.
did not fit what he wanted.
285
645280
2696
11:00
And he trusted me enough
to offer me a referral,
to offer me a referral,
286
648000
2256
Fiouse de min dabondo
para recomendarme,
para recomendarme,
11:02
using a sales term.
287
650280
1656
usando un tecnicismo
das vendas.
das vendas.
11:04
I converted a referral.
288
651960
1520
Convertinme nun recomendado.
11:06
Then one day --
289
654560
1216
Entón, un día...,
tamén aprendín que podo
dicir certas cousas
dicir certas cousas
11:07
and I also learned that I can
actually say certain things
actually say certain things
290
655800
2896
e aumentar as posibilidades
de ter un si.
de ter un si.
11:10
and maximize my chance to get a yes.
291
658720
1936
11:12
So for example,
one day I went to a Starbucks,
one day I went to a Starbucks,
292
660680
2216
Así que, por exemplo,
un día fun a Starbucks,
un día fun a Starbucks,
11:15
and asked the manager,
"Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?"
"Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?"
293
662920
3576
e pregunteille ao xerente:
"Ei, podo ser un saudador de Starbucks?"
"Ei, podo ser un saudador de Starbucks?"
11:18
He was like, "What's a Starbucks greeter?"
294
666520
2376
E el: "Que é un saudador de Starbucks?"
Dixen: "Coñeces os saudadores
de Walmart?
de Walmart?
11:21
I said, "Do you know
those Walmart greeters?
those Walmart greeters?
295
668920
2096
Sabes, esa xente que che di 'ola'
cando entras na tenda
cando entras na tenda
11:23
You know, those people who say
'hi' to you before you walk in the store,
'hi' to you before you walk in the store,
296
671040
3416
e vixía para que non
roubes nada, basicamente?
roubes nada, basicamente?
11:26
and make sure you
don't steal stuff, basically?
don't steal stuff, basically?
297
674480
2216
Gustaríame darlles unha experiencia
Walmart aos clientes de Starbucks."
Walmart aos clientes de Starbucks."
11:28
I want to give a Walmart experience
to Starbucks customers."
to Starbucks customers."
298
676720
3136
11:31
(Laughter)
299
679880
1456
(Risos)
11:33
Well, I'm not sure
that's a good thing, actually --
that's a good thing, actually --
300
681360
3000
Ben, non estou seguro
de que sexa unha boa cousa...
de que sexa unha boa cousa...
11:37
Actually, I'm pretty sure
it's a bad thing.
it's a bad thing.
301
685600
2496
De feito, estou bastante seguro
de que é algo malo.
de que é algo malo.
11:40
And he was like, "Oh" --
302
688120
2056
E el: "Oh."
11:42
yeah, this is how he looked,
his name is Eric --
his name is Eric --
303
690200
2256
Si, era así, chámase Eric...
Di: "Non estou seguro."
11:44
and he was like, "I'm not sure."
304
692480
1576
Así foi a súa reacción:
"Non estou seguro."
"Non estou seguro."
11:46
This is how he was hearing me. "Not sure."
305
694080
2056
11:48
Then I ask him, "Is that weird?"
306
696160
1656
Pregunteille: "É moi raro?"
11:49
He's like, "Yeah, it's really weird, man."
307
697840
2040
E el: "Si, é moi raro, tío."
Pero tan pronto como o dixo,
o seu comportamento cambiou.
o seu comportamento cambiou.
11:52
But as soon as he said that,
his whole demeanor changed.
his whole demeanor changed.
308
700800
2856
11:55
It's as if he's putting
all the doubt on the floor.
all the doubt on the floor.
309
703680
2936
Foi coma se eliminase todas as dúbidas.
11:58
And he said, "Yeah, you can do this,
310
706640
1736
E dixo: "Si, podes facelo,
12:00
just don't get too weird."
311
708400
1256
pero que non quede raro."
12:01
(Laughter)
312
709680
1416
(Risos)
12:03
So for the next hour
I was the Starbucks greeter.
I was the Starbucks greeter.
313
711120
2376
E durante unha hora
fun saudador de Starbucks.
fun saudador de Starbucks.
12:05
I said "hi" to every customer
that walked in,
that walked in,
314
713520
2136
Díxenlle "ola" a cada cliente
que entrou,
que entrou,
12:07
and gave them holiday cheers.
315
715680
2376
e desexeille boas vacacións.
A propósito, non coñezo
a vosa traxectoria laboral,
a vosa traxectoria laboral,
12:10
By the way, I don't know
what your career trajectory is,
what your career trajectory is,
316
718080
2656
non sexades un saudador.
12:12
don't be a greeter.
317
720760
1216
12:14
(Laughter)
318
722000
1216
(Risos)
Foi moi aburrido.
12:15
It was really boring.
319
723240
1200
12:17
But then I found I could do this
because I mentioned, "Is that weird?"
because I mentioned, "Is that weird?"
320
725200
4936
Pero descubrín que puidera facelo
porque dixen: "É moi raro?"
porque dixen: "É moi raro?"
12:22
I mentioned the doubt that he was having.
321
730160
2136
Mencionei a dúbida que el tiña.
12:24
And because I mentioned, "Is that weird?",
that means I wasn't weird.
that means I wasn't weird.
322
732320
3536
E que mencionase "É moi raro?"
significaba que eu non era raro.
significaba que eu non era raro.
12:27
That means I was actually
thinking just like him,
thinking just like him,
323
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2536
Significaba que eu estaba
pensando xusto coma el,
pensando xusto coma el,
12:30
seeing this as a weird thing.
324
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2376
véndoo como unha cousa rara.
12:32
And again, and again,
325
740840
1256
E outra vez, e outra vez,
12:34
I learned that if I mention
some doubt people might have
some doubt people might have
326
742120
3136
Aprendín que se mencionaba
algunha dúbida que a xente podía ter
algunha dúbida que a xente podía ter
12:37
before I ask the question,
327
745280
1816
antes de facer a pregunta,
xa gañaba a súa confianza.
12:39
I gained their trust.
328
747120
1256
12:40
People were more likely to say yes to me.
329
748400
1960
A xente tendía máis a dicirme que si.
12:42
And then I learned
I could fulfill my life dream ...
I could fulfill my life dream ...
330
750800
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E aprendín que podía
acadar o soño da miña vida
acadar o soño da miña vida
preguntando.
12:46
by asking.
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12:47
You know, I came
from four generations of teachers,
from four generations of teachers,
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Sabedes, veño de catro xeracións
de profesores,
de profesores,
12:50
and my grandma has always told me,
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a miña avoa sempre me dixo:
12:53
"Hey Jia, you can do anything you want,
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"Jia, podes facer o que queiras,
12:55
but it'd be great
if you became a teacher."
if you became a teacher."
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mais sería xenial se
foses profesor."
foses profesor."
(Risos)
12:58
(Laughter)
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12:59
But I wanted to be
an entrepreneur, so I didn't.
an entrepreneur, so I didn't.
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Pero eu quería ser un
empresario, e non o fun.
empresario, e non o fun.
Pero sempre tiven o soño
de ensinar algo.
de ensinar algo.
13:01
But it has always been my dream
to actually teach something.
to actually teach something.
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13:05
So I said, "What if I just ask
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E pensei: "E se pregunto
13:07
and teach a college class?"
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e imparto unha clase na facultade?"
13:09
I lived in Austin at the time,
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Vivía en Austin daquela,
fun á Universidade
de Texas en Austin,
de Texas en Austin,
13:11
so I went to University
of Texas at Austin,
of Texas at Austin,
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petei ás portas dos profesores
e dixen: "Podo ensinar na túa clase?"
e dixen: "Podo ensinar na túa clase?"
13:13
and knocked on professors' doors
and said, "Can I teach your class?"
and said, "Can I teach your class?"
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Non conseguín nada
as primeiras dúas veces.
as primeiras dúas veces.
13:16
I didn't get anywhere
the first couple of times.
the first couple of times.
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Pero grazas a que non fuxín,
seguino intentando,
seguino intentando,
13:18
But because I didn't run --
I kept doing it --
I kept doing it --
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13:21
and on the third try
the professor was very impressed.
the professor was very impressed.
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e no terceiro intento o
profesor quedou impresionado.
profesor quedou impresionado.
13:24
He was like, "No one
has done this before."
has done this before."
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Dixo: "Ninguén fixo isto antes."
Eu entrara preparado
con presentacións e a miña lección.
con presentacións e a miña lección.
13:26
And I came in prepared
with powerpoints and my lesson.
with powerpoints and my lesson.
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13:30
He said, "Wow, I can use this.
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Dixo: "Ei, podo usar isto."
13:33
Why don't you come back in two months?
I'll fit you in my curriculum."
I'll fit you in my curriculum."
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Por que non volves en dous meses?
Encaixareino no currículo."
Encaixareino no currículo."
E dous meses máis tarde
eu daba unha clase.
eu daba unha clase.
13:36
And two months later
I was teaching a class.
I was teaching a class.
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Este son eu, pode que non o vexades,
é unha foto mala.
é unha foto mala.
13:38
This is me -- you probably can't see,
this is a bad picture.
this is a bad picture.
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13:41
You know, sometimes you get
rejected by lighting, you know?
rejected by lighting, you know?
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Sabedes, ás veces, somos
rexeitados pola iluminación.
rexeitados pola iluminación.
(Risos)
13:44
(Laughter)
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13:46
But wow --
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Mais...,
cando rematei esa clase,
saín chorando,
saín chorando,
13:48
when I finished teaching that class,
I walked out crying,
I walked out crying,
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13:50
because I thought
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porque pensei
13:52
I could fulfill my life dream
just by simply asking.
just by simply asking.
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que podería acadar o meu soño
simplemente preguntando.
simplemente preguntando.
Acostumaba pensar que tiña
que ser perfecto en todo,
que ser perfecto en todo,
13:55
I used to think I have to accomplish
all these things --
all these things --
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ser un gran empresario, facer
un PhD para ensinar...,
un PhD para ensinar...,
13:58
have to be a great entrepreneur,
or get a PhD to teach --
or get a PhD to teach --
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14:02
but no, I just asked,
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mais non, só preguntei,
14:03
and I could teach.
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e puiden ensinar.
14:05
And in that picture --
which you can't see --
which you can't see --
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E nesa foto, que non podedes ver,
14:07
I quoted Martin Luther King Jr.
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citei a Martin Luther King, Jr.
14:11
Why? Because in my research I found
that people who really change the world,
that people who really change the world,
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Por que? Porque na miña investigación
atopei que a xente que cambia o mundo,
atopei que a xente que cambia o mundo,
14:15
who change the way we live
and the way we think,
and the way we think,
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que cambia a forma en que vivimos
e en que pensamos,
e en que pensamos,
14:18
are the people who were met
with initial and often violent rejections.
with initial and often violent rejections.
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é a xente que ao comezo atopou
rexeitamentos a miúdo violentos.
rexeitamentos a miúdo violentos.
14:22
People like Martin Luther King Jr.,
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Xente como Martin Luther King Jr.,
14:24
like Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela,
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como Mahtama Gandhi, Nelson Mandela
14:27
or even Jesus Christ.
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ou mesmo Xesús.
14:28
These people did not
let rejection define them.
let rejection define them.
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Esa xente non deixou
que o rexeitamento a definise.
que o rexeitamento a definise.
14:31
They let their own reaction
after rejection define themselves.
after rejection define themselves.
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Permitiron que a súa propia reacción
ao seu rexeitamento os definise.
ao seu rexeitamento os definise.
14:37
And they embraced rejection.
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E aceptaron o rexeitamento.
14:39
And we don't have to be those people
to learn about rejection,
to learn about rejection,
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E non temos que ser eles
para aprender sobre rexeitamento.
para aprender sobre rexeitamento.
14:42
but in my case,
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No meu caso,
o rexeitamento foi a miña maldición,
14:43
rejection was my curse --
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foi a miña besta negra.
14:46
was my boogeyman.
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14:47
It has bothered me my whole life
because I was running away from it.
because I was running away from it.
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Angustioume toda a miña vida
porque estaba fuxindo del.
porque estaba fuxindo del.
14:51
Then I started embracing it.
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E comecei a aceptalo.
14:53
I turned that into
the biggest gift in my life.
the biggest gift in my life.
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Transformeino no
mellor regalo da miña vida.
mellor regalo da miña vida.
14:57
I started teaching people
how to turn rejections into opportunities.
how to turn rejections into opportunities.
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Comecei a ensinarlle á xente como
mudar rexeitamento en oportunidade.
mudar rexeitamento en oportunidade.
Usei o meu blog, usei o meu discurso,
15:01
I use my blog, I use my talk,
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15:03
I use the book I just published,
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usei o libro que acabo de publicar,
15:05
and I'm even using technology to help
people overcome their fear of rejection.
people overcome their fear of rejection.
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incluso estou creando tecnoloxía para
axudar a superar o medo ao rexeitamento.
axudar a superar o medo ao rexeitamento.
15:12
When you get rejected in life,
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Cando te rexeitan na vida,
15:14
when you are facing the next obstacle,
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cando enfrontas un obstáculo
15:16
or next failure,
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ou un fracaso,
15:18
consider the possibilities.
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considera as posibilidades.
15:20
Don't run.
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Non fuxas.
15:21
If you just embrace them,
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Se os aceptas,
15:22
they might become your gifts as well.
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tamén poden chegar a ser o teu regalo.
Grazas.
15:25
Thank you.
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(Aplauso)
15:26
(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jia Jiang - Author, blogger, entrepreneurJia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine.
Why you should listen
Jia Jiang is the owner of Rejection Therapy, a website that provides inspiration, knowledge and products for people to overcome their fear of rejection. He is also the CEO of Wuju Learning, a company that teaches people and trains organizations to become fearless through rejection training. In 2015, he authored a bestselling book, Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection.
Several years after Jiang began his career in the corporate world, he took a life-altering risk and stepped into the unknown world of entrepreneurship. His result was everyone's biggest fear: rejection. This was the catalyst that set Jiang on the path to his true calling.
To conquer the fear of rejection, Jiang embarked on a personal quest and started a blog, 100 Days of Rejection Therapy. His journey revealed a world that was hidden in plain sight -- a world where people are much kinder than we imagine. He discovered that rejection can be much less painful than we believe and that the fear of rejection is much more destructive than we know.
Jiang grew up in Beijing, China and migrated to the United States at age 16. He holds a Bachelor of Computer Science from Brigham Young University and a Master of Business Administration from Duke University.
Jia Jiang | Speaker | TED.com