Dessa: Can we choose to fall out of love?
데사(Dessa): 사랑을 의지대로 멈출 수 있을까요?
Dessa is an internationally touring rapper, singer and writer who built a career by defying genre conventions and audience expectations. Full bio
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collective called Doomtree.
touring rapper and singer.
무대에 서고 순회 공연도 하죠.
this is what our shows look like.
저희 무대는 이렇습니다.
There's a lot of sweating.
unintentional body checks onstage.
몸이 부딪히기도 하고
intentional body checks onstage.
부딪치는 때도 있습니다.
an intramural hockey game and a concert.
섞어 놓은 것과 같아요.
my own music as a solo artist,
단독으로 공연할 때는
more melancholy sounds.
하는 쪽입니다.
the rough mixes of a new album,
시험 버전을 드렸더니, 어머니는
but why is it always so sad?"
이렇게나 슬프니?" 라고 하셨습니다.
곡을 쓰는구나."
out with that you know that phrase?"
이런 표현을 쓰시는 거죠?"
I've written so many sad love songs
저는 슬픈 사랑 노래를 너무 많이 써서
저 이별해서 위로가 필요해요."
I need help with my breakup."
and touring those songs for a long time,
녹음하고 순회 공연도 하면서
was essentially romantic devastation.
생각이 들기 시작했습니다.
공개하지 않았던 점은
had been written about the same guy.
대한 이야기라는 거예요.
to sort ourselves out,
다잡아보려고 노력했고
부끄럽다는 생각도 했습니다.
that I couldn't rebound
이겨내는 것 같은 일로부터
to recover from so regularly.
it wasn't doing either of us any good,
좋은 일이 아님을 알고 있었지만
how to put the love down.
알 수가 없었습니다.
헬렌 피셔 박사의 TED 강연을 봤는데
named Dr. Helen Fisher,
been able to map the coordinates of love
알아낼 수 있었다고 했습니다.
if I could find my love in my brain,
만약 뇌에서 사랑을 찾을 수 있다면
fMRI 연구실에 접근 권한 있는 분?
passes and whiskey."
위스키와 교환합시다."
Center for Magnetic Resonance Research.
자기 공명 연구소 소속이죠.
실험 과정을 설명했고
with a sample size of one, me.
피험자 수는 1명, 접니다.
of forest green scrubs,
들어가게 된 겁니다.
is a big, tubular magnet
커다란 고리 모양 자석인데
of deoxygenated iron in your blood.
어떻게 이동하는지 추적합니다.
what parts of your brain
하고 있는지 알아내는 거예요.
at any given moment.
are associated with a task,
과업 간의 연관성이죠.
will always light up the same region,
항상 같은 부분에 불이 켜지죠.
who just sort of resembled my ex-boyfriend
강렬한 감정도 가지고 있지 않은
비교해 볼 수 있겠죠.
high-resolution images of my brain.
이미지를 얻을 수 있었습니다.
나타낼 수도 있고요,
inside all of the wrinkles, essentially,
안쪽을 들여다볼 수도 있습니다.
called the "brain skin rug."
"뇌 가죽 양탄자"라고 부르더군요.
when I looked at images of both men.
어떻게 반응했는지 알 수 있었습니다.
옛 남자친구를 볼 때의
and when I looked at my ex,
that we'd be able to find the love alone,
사랑만을 분리해 측정할 수 있었죠.
to step on a scale fully dressed
저울 위에 섰을 때와
would be the weight of my clothing.
옷의 무게인 것 처럼요.
we subtracted one from the other,
차이를 구해 보았더니
that Dr. Fisher would have predicted.
뇌 활동을 관찰할 수 있었습니다.
저의 뇌입니다.
orange dot, the ventral tegmental area,
즉 복측 피개부에 활동이 있었어요.
is the anterior cingulate
is the caudates.
the data with her team
두 동료인 안드레와 필과 함께
보내 주었습니다.
my feelings for this dude.
감정을 나타내고 있었습니다.
사랑하고 있음을 알고 있었고
I was going to these outrageous lengths.
해야 했던 이유였죠.
felt like such a vindication,
얻은 것이 위안이 되었는데, 이렇게요.
but now I know exactly where."
이젠 딱 어딘지 짚을 수 있다고."
who had her mark.
암살자 같은 느낌이 들었어요.
on a course of treatment
일련의 치료를 받아보기로 결정했습니다.
Penijean Gracefire,
여성과 함께 했는데요.
was training my brain.
훈련하는거라 설명했어요.
마치 근육을 훈련하듯이
that we would train a muscle,
and resilient enough
반응할 수 있도록
to my circumstances.
지니도록 훈련하는 거예요.
we would anticipate
예측할 수 있지만
we would ask that that muscle slow.
움직이기를 바랄 수 있죠.
viable, loving romantic relationship,
사랑을 주고받는 연애 관계에 있을 때는
of my brain should engage,
부분이 활동해야겠지만
viable, emotional, loving relationship,
주고 받는 관계에 있지 않을 때는
just smaller than a dime
약간 작은 전극을 활용했습니다.
뼈, 머리카락, 두피 아래의
to detect my brainwaves
감지할 수 있었습니다.
I could see my brain working in real time.
실시간으로 볼 수 있었습니다.
of my brain were hyperactive,
볼 수 있었습니다.
just those parts of my brain
연애와 관련된 감정을 주관하는 부분,
with the romantic regulation
그 부분을 따로 볼 수도 있었습니다.
have to do or think anything.
할 필요는 없다고 했습니다.
had to hold pretty still
in that healthy threshold,
활동을 보였을 때마다
or vibraphone music.
at roughly the speed of a gyro machine
그리스 꼬치기계가 회전하는 속도 정도로
essentially unconscious.
배울거라고 하는 말이요.
the other things I had learned
할 수 있는 활동들을
my conscious mind.
모든 것을 알지는 않죠.
my left calf muscle is doing,
무엇을 하는지
to engage when I wobble to the right.
어떻게 작용해야 하는지 같은 것들이요.
don't know a lot about, like,
같은 것을 아는 것이 아닌데도
or the waveform of a ringing bell,
because the body paired the stimuli.
자극을 연관지었기 때문이에요.
Olman's fMRI machine,
다시 fMRI 장비로
비교군의 사진을 사용하고,
in the interest of scientific rigor,
세릴과 그의 팀은
didn't know who was who,
influence the results.
영향을 줄 수 없게요.
to analyze that second set of data,
데이터를 분석해 본 후에
당신의 뇌에서 보이던 지배성이
comma, yes, question mark.
쉼표, 그런가요, 물음표.
the desired result.
제가 원하던 결과예요.
a moment to introspect,
스스로에게 주기도 했습니다.
물어보는 거죠.
that I'd had at the outset.
같은 종류의 느낌 같았어요.
of the Spotless Mind."
된 것이 아니었죠.
and amity and attraction and respect
그리고 장기적인 사랑에서 쌓아온
that you amass after long-term love.
느끼고 있었어요.
had risen to the surface,
수면으로 떠오르는 것 같았고
and the less-generous feelings
덜 관대한 감정들은
a small thing in some way,
your wisdom teeth,"
in which I did those two things.
순서가 매우 중요할 거 잖아요.
philosophical privilege
가졌다는 생각을 했어요.
3D 프린트해 주었는데요.
it at the merch table at my shows.
공연 기념품으로 팔았지요.
of friends back in Minneapolis,
몇몇 친구들이 저를 도와서,
디스코 볼을 만들었습니다.
from the ceiling at my big shows.
내려오는 장치였죠.
to better understand love,
기회를 가졌다고 느꼈습니다.
Valentine's heart.
하트 같은 것이 아니에요.
buried somewhere deep within your skull,
한 쌍의 양 뿔 모양의 기관입니다.
and you make each other happy,
서로를 행복하게 해 줄 때에는
of neuroscientists
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Dessa - Rapper, singer and writerDessa is an internationally touring rapper, singer and writer who built a career by defying genre conventions and audience expectations.
Why you should listen
As a writer, Dessa has contributed to the New York Times, National Geographic Traveler and literary journals across the United States. As a musician, she's recorded critically acclaimed studio albums, co-composed for a 100-voice choir, collaborated with full orchestras and contributed to The Hamilton Mixtape on the invitation of Lin-Manuel Miranda.
On stage and on the page, Dessa's work is driven by an interest in finding unexpected connections -- between heartache and neuroscience, aerodynamics and grief, or simply between two people who live far away and in disparate circumstances. Her delivery is crafted to balance wit and tenderness, intellectual rigor and a poetic sensibility.
Dessa started out in Minneapolis, Minnesota as a member of the Doomtree hip-hop crew, a tight-knit group known for their explosive live shows, innovative sound and fiercely independent business model. For years, the seven-member crew shared stages, hotel rooms and head colds building an international following one sweaty show at a time. Dessa's work within the collective and as a solo artist earned several entries on the Billboard Top 200 charts (Chime, Parts of Speech and All Hands). Alone or with Doomtree, she's performed at Lollapalooza, Glastonbury, SXSW, velvet-lined theaters in LA and New York, punk venues in Central Europe, black box rooms from Tijuana to Beijing and once while standing on a wooden chair in South Africa. According to the LA Times, Dessa "sounds like no one else" and was called "a national treasure" by NPR's All Songs Considered.
Since her teenage years, however, Dessa wanted to become a published writer. So while recording and touring as a musician, she continued to write poetry, essays and short stories. Under the Doomtree banner, she began printing short books, some barely larger than a matchbook. In 2013, Doomtree Press published Spiral Bound, a collection of poetry and prose. In 2015, Dessa partnered with Rain Taxi on a poetry chapbook titled A Pound of Steam. On the strength of that collection, a New York literary agent telephoned; within a few years, Dutton Books (Penguin Random House) published her first book-length collection of essays, My Own Devices: True Stories from the Road on Music, Science, and Senseless Love, named one of the best books of 2018 by both NPR and Amazon. She also became a frequent radio contributor: on behalf of Minnesota Public Radio, she's interviewed best-selling authors in front of live audiences (most recently talking with Michael Pollan about his exploration into psychedelic drugs). At WNYC's The Greene Space, she served as Artist in Residence, designing a series called HEARTBREAKERS that investigated research on love, sex and determinism with both scientists and musicians.
In recent years, Dessa partnered with the Grammy-winning Minnesota Orchestra to stage six sold-out performances at Minneapolis's Orchestra Hall (all arranged by composer/musician Andy Thompson and conducted by Sarah Hicks). The Minnesota Orchestra and Dessa cut a live record together in March of 2019, Sound the Bells: Recorded Live at Orchestra Hall, slated for release in November of 2019.
Dessa | Speaker | TED.com