TEDxBoulder
Ash Beckham: We're all hiding something. Let's find the courage to open up
Ash Beckham: Vsi nekaj skrivamo. Najdimo pogum, da se odpremo.
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2,792,022 views
V tem ganljivem govoru Ash Beckham ponudi svež pristop k empatiji in odprtosti. Začne s premiso, da vsak človek v toku svojega življenja doživi težke trenutke. Edini izhod, pravi Beckhamova, je, da odpremo vrata in izstopimo iz svoje omare.
Ash Beckham - Equality advocate
Ash Beckham approaches hard conversations from a place of compassion and empathy. Full bio
Ash Beckham approaches hard conversations from a place of compassion and empathy. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I'm going to talk to you tonight
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Govorila bom
00:14
about coming out of the closet,
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o stopanju iz omare,
ne v tradicionalnem smislu,
00:16
and not in the traditional sense,
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00:17
not just the gay closet.
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ne le o razkrivanju
istospolne usmerjenosti.
istospolne usmerjenosti.
00:19
I think we all have closets.
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Vsi imamo omare, ki jih nočemo odpreti.
00:21
Your closet may be telling someone
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Morda se bojite osebi povedati,
00:23
you love her for the first time,
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da jo ljubite,
00:25
or telling someone that you're pregnant,
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povedati, da ste noseči,
00:27
or telling someone you have cancer,
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da imate raka
00:30
or any of the other hard conversations
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ali začeti kak drug težak pogovor,
00:32
we have throughout our lives.
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ki je potreben v življenju.
00:34
All a closet is is a hard conversation,
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Omara je samo težak pogovor
00:38
and although our topics may vary tremendously,
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in čeprav se teme lahko močno razlikujejo,
00:41
the experience of being in
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je izkušnja biti v omari
00:43
and coming out of the closet is universal.
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in stopiti iz nje univerzalna.
00:46
It is scary, and we hate it, and it needs to be done.
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Strašljiva je, sovražimo jo
in moramo jo napraviti.
in moramo jo napraviti.
00:52
Several years ago,
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Pred leti
00:53
I was working at the South Side Walnut Cafe,
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sem delala v lokalni restavraciji
00:57
a local diner in town,
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South Side Walnut Cafe
00:59
and during my time there I would go through phases
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in takrat sem imela faze
01:01
of militant lesbian intensity:
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militantne lezbične intenzivnosti:
01:05
not shaving my armpits,
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nisem si brila pazduh,
01:07
quoting Ani DiFranco lyrics as gospel.
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Ani DiFranco sem citirala
kot svete besede.
kot svete besede.
01:10
And depending on the bagginess of my cargo shorts
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Odvisno od tega,
kako široke hlače sem nosila
kako široke hlače sem nosila
01:13
and how recently I had shaved my head,
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in kdaj sem si nazadnje obrila glavo,
01:15
the question would often be sprung on me,
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so me pogosto vprašali,
01:17
usually by a little kid:
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ponavadi je bil to kak majhen otrok:
01:19
"Um, are you a boy or are you a girl?"
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"Hm, si fant ali punca?"
01:24
And there would be an awkward silence at the table.
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Potem je pri mizi
nastala neprijetna tišina.
nastala neprijetna tišina.
01:27
I'd clench my jaw a little tighter,
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Še malo bolj sem stisnila čeljust,
01:29
hold my coffee pot with a little more vengeance.
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še malo bolj maščevalno
sem prijela vrč za kavo.
sem prijela vrč za kavo.
01:32
The dad would awkwardly shuffle his newspaper
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Oče je mučno listal časopis
01:35
and the mom would shoot a chilling stare at her kid.
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in mati je otroku poslala leden pogled.
01:37
But I would say nothing,
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Jaz pa sem bila tiho,
01:39
and I would seethe inside.
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čeprav je v meni vrelo.
01:41
And it got to the point where every time I walked up
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Zato sem vedno, ko sem šla k mizi,
01:43
to a table that had a kid anywhere between
three and 10 years old, I was ready to fight.
three and 10 years old, I was ready to fight.
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kjer je sedel otrok, star od tri
do deset let, odhajala pripravljena na boj.
do deset let, odhajala pripravljena na boj.
01:47
(Laughter)
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(smeh)
01:49
And that is a terrible feeling.
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To je grozen občutek.
01:51
So I promised myself, the next
time, I would say something.
time, I would say something.
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Obljubila sem si,
da bom naslednjič odgovorila.
da bom naslednjič odgovorila.
01:55
I would have that hard conversation.
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Govorila bom o tej težki stvari.
01:57
So within a matter of weeks, it happens again.
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Čez nekaj tednov se je spet zgodilo.
02:00
"Are you a boy or are you a girl?"
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"Si fant ali punca?"
02:02
Familiar silence, but this time I'm ready,
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Znana tišina, a tokrat sem pripravljena,
02:05
and I am about to go all Women's Studies 101
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da ljudem pri mizi
02:09
on this table. (Laughter)
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odpredavam osnove ženskih študij.
02:12
I've got my Betty Friedan quotes.
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Pripravljene imam citate Betty Friedan,
02:14
I've got my Gloria Steinem quotes.
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citate Glorie Steinem.
02:16
I've even got this little bit from
"Vagina Monologues" I'm going to do.
"Vagina Monologues" I'm going to do.
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Še celo izsek iz Monologov vagine imam.
02:19
So I take a deep breath and I look down
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Globoko vdihnem in pogledam navzdol,
02:23
and staring back at me is a
four-year-old girl in a pink dress,
four-year-old girl in a pink dress,
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od koder vame strmi štiriletna deklica
v roza oblekici,
v roza oblekici,
02:27
not a challenge to a feminist duel,
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ne pa izzivalec na feministični dvoboj,
02:29
just a kid with a question:
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samo otrok z vprašanjem:
02:32
"Are you a boy or are you a girl?"
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"Si fant ali punca?"
02:34
So I take another deep breath,
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Še enkrat globoko vdihnem,
02:36
squat down to next to her, and say,
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počepnem k njej in rečem:
02:37
"Hey, I know it's kind of confusing.
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"Veš, malo zmedeno je vse skupaj.
02:39
My hair is short like a boy's,
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Imam kratke lase kot fant
02:41
and I wear boy's clothes, but I'm a girl,
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in nosim fantovske obleke,
ampak sem punca,
ampak sem punca,
02:43
and you know how sometimes
you like to wear a pink dress,
you like to wear a pink dress,
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kot ti: včasih rada nosiš
roza oblekico,
roza oblekico,
02:45
and sometimes you like to
wear your comfy jammies?
wear your comfy jammies?
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včasih pa udobno pižamo.
02:48
Well, I'm more of a comfy jammies kind of girl."
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No, meni so bolj všeč udobne pižame."
02:52
And this kid looks me dead in the eye,
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Otrok me pogleda naravnost v oči,
02:54
without missing a beat, and says,
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in brez oklevanja reče:
"Moja najljubša pižama
je vijolična z ribami.
je vijolična z ribami.
02:55
"My favorite pajamas are purple with fish.
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02:57
Can I get a pancake, please?"
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Lahko dobim palačinko, prosim?"
02:59
(Laughter)
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(smeh)
03:02
And that was it. Just, "Oh, okay. You're a girl.
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In to je bilo to. Samo: "V redu, punca si.
03:05
How about that pancake?"
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Kje je tista palačinka?"
03:08
It was the easiest hard conversation
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To je bil najlažji težak pogovor,
03:10
I have ever had.
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kar sem jih kdajkoli imela.
03:12
And why? Because Pancake Girl and I,
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In zakaj?
Ker sva bili punčka s palačinkami in jaz
Ker sva bili punčka s palačinkami in jaz
03:15
we were both real with each other.
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iskreni druga z drugo.
03:18
So like many of us,
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Kot mnogi med nami
03:20
I've lived in a few closets in my life, and yeah,
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sem živela v nekaj omarah
03:23
most often, my walls happened to be rainbow.
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in ja, najpogosteje za mavričnimi zidovi.
03:25
But inside, in the dark,
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A v temi
03:27
you can't tell what color the walls are.
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ne vidite, kakšne barve so zidovi.
03:29
You just know what it feels like to live in a closet.
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Samo veste, kako je živeti v omari.
03:33
So really, my closet is no different than yours
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V resnici moja ni drugačna od vaše
03:36
or yours or yours.
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ali vaše ali vaše.
03:39
Sure, I'll give you 100 reasons
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Seveda vam bom naštela sto razlogov,
03:41
why coming out of my closet was
harder than coming out of yours,
harder than coming out of yours,
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zakaj je bil moj izstop iz omare
težji od vašega,
težji od vašega,
03:43
but here's the thing: Hard is not relative.
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a nekaj je res:
"težko" ni relativen pojem.
"težko" ni relativen pojem.
03:46
Hard is hard.
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Težko je težko.
03:48
Who can tell me that explaining to
someone you've just declared bankruptcy
someone you've just declared bankruptcy
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Kdo lahko dokaže, da je
priznati, da ste bankrotirali,
priznati, da ste bankrotirali,
03:52
is harder than telling someone
you just cheated on them?
you just cheated on them?
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težje kakor priznati nekomu,
da ste ga prevarali?
da ste ga prevarali?
03:54
Who can tell me that his coming out story
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Kdo lahko trdi, da je njegovo razkritje
03:57
is harder than telling your five-year-old
you're getting a divorce?
you're getting a divorce?
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težje, kot je povedati petletnemu otroku,
da se ločujete?
da se ločujete?
03:59
There is no harder, there is just hard.
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Ni "težjega", je samo "težko".
04:03
We need to stop ranking our hard
against everyone else's hard
against everyone else's hard
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Prenehati moramo meriti
svoj "težko" s tistim nekoga drugega,
svoj "težko" s tistim nekoga drugega,
04:06
to make us feel better or worse about our closets
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da bi se bolje ali slabše počutili
o svojih omarah
o svojih omarah
04:09
and just commiserate on the
fact that we all have hard.
fact that we all have hard.
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ter enostavno sprejeti, da je vsem težko.
04:13
At some point in our lives, we all live in closets,
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Del življenja vsi preživimo v omarah
04:16
and they may feel safe,
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in morda se to zdi varno
04:18
or at least safer than what lies
on the other side of that door.
on the other side of that door.
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ali vsaj varneje kot tisto,
ker je na drugi strani.
ker je na drugi strani.
04:21
But I am here to tell you,
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A želim vam povedati,
04:23
no matter what your walls are made of,
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da ne glede na to, iz česa so vaši zidovi,
04:25
a closet is no place for a person to live.
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omara ni kraj, kjer se da živeti.
04:29
Thanks. (Applause)
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Hvala. (aplavz)
04:32
So imagine yourself 20 years ago.
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Predstavljajte si sebe pred 20 leti.
04:36
Me, I had a ponytail, a strapless dress,
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Jaz sem imela konjski rep,
obleko brez naramnic
obleko brez naramnic
04:41
and high-heeled shoes.
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in visoke pete.
04:43
I was not the militant lesbian
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Nisem bila militantna lezbijka,
04:44
ready to fight any four-year-old
that walked into the cafe.
that walked into the cafe.
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pripravljena na boj
z mimoidočimi štiriletniki.
z mimoidočimi štiriletniki.
04:48
I was frozen by fear, curled up in the corner
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Paralizirana sem bila od strahu,
stisnjena v kot
stisnjena v kot
04:52
of my pitch-black closet
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s svojo temno skrivnostjo,
04:54
clutching my gay grenade,
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oklepala sem se svoje gejevske granate
04:57
and moving one muscle is the scariest thing
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in najtežje, kar sem kdaj storila,
05:00
I have ever done.
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je bilo premakniti eno samo mišico.
05:03
My family, my friends, complete strangers --
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Družina, prijatelji, popolni tujci ...
05:05
I had spent my entire life
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vse življenje sem se trudila,
05:06
trying to not disappoint these people,
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da jih ne bi razočarala,
05:08
and now I was turning the world upside down
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zdaj pa sem namenoma
05:11
on purpose.
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obračala svet na glavo.
05:13
I was burning the pages of the script
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Zažgala sem strani scenarija,
05:15
we had all followed for so long,
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ki smo mu vsi tako dolgo sledili,
05:17
but if you do not throw that grenade, it will kill you.
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a če ne odvržete granate, bo ubila vas.
05:21
One of my most memorable grenade tosses
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Eden najbolj nepozabnih metov
05:23
was at my sister's wedding.
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je bil na sestrini poroki.
05:25
(Laughter)
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(smeh)
05:27
It was the first time that many in attendance
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Bilo je prvič, da je večina prisotnih
05:30
knew I was gay, so in doing
my maid of honor duties,
my maid of honor duties,
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vedela, da sem homoseksualka,
in ko sem opravljala dolžnosti družice,
in ko sem opravljala dolžnosti družice,
05:33
in my black dress and heels,
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v črni obleki in visokih petah,
05:35
I walked around to tables
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sem se sprehajala med mizami
05:37
and finally landed on a table of my parents' friends,
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in končala pri mizi prijateljev
svojih staršev,
svojih staršev,
05:39
folks that had known me for years.
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ki so me že leta poznali.
05:42
And after a little small talk,
one of the women shouted out,
one of the women shouted out,
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Po kratkem klepetu
je ena od žensk zavpila:
je ena od žensk zavpila:
05:45
"I love Nathan Lane!"
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"Ljubim Nathana Lanea!"
05:48
And the battle of gay relatability had begun.
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In začela se je bitka gejevskih asociacij.
05:51
"Ash, have you ever been to the Castro?"
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"Ash, si že bila v Castru?"
05:53
"Well, yeah, actually, we have
friends in San Francisco."
friends in San Francisco."
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"ja, v bistvu imamo
prijatelje v San Franciscu."
prijatelje v San Franciscu."
05:55
"Well, we've never been there
but we've heard it's fabulous."
but we've heard it's fabulous."
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"Nikoli nismo bili tam,
a pravijo, da je krasno."
a pravijo, da je krasno."
05:58
"Ash, do you know my hairdresser Antonio?
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"Ash, poznaš mojega frizerja Antonia?
06:00
He's really good and he has
never talked about a girlfriend."
never talked about a girlfriend."
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Super je in nikoli ne govori o puncah."
06:03
"Ash, what's your favorite TV show?
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"Ash, katera je tvoja naljubša TV serija?
06:05
Our favorite TV show? Favorite: Will & Grace.
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Najina? Najljubša: Will & Grace.
06:07
And you know who we love? Jack.
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In veš, kdo nama je všeč? Jack.
06:08
Jack is our favorite."
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Jack je najin najljubši."
06:10
And then one woman, stumped
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Neka ženska, zbegana,
06:13
but wanting so desperately to show her support,
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a v želji izkazati podporo,
06:15
to let me know she was on my side,
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mi povedati, da je na moji strani,
06:18
she finally blurted out,
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je nazadnje izpustila tole:
06:19
"Well, sometimes my husband wears pink shirts."
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"No, včasih moj mož nosi roza srajce."
06:23
(Laughter)
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(smeh)
06:25
And I had a choice in that moment,
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Takrat sem imela izbiro,
06:27
as all grenade throwers do.
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kot vsak, preden vrže granato.
06:29
I could go back to my girlfriend
and my gay-loving table
and my gay-loving table
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Lahko bi se vrnila k svoji punci
in gejem naklonjeni mizi
in gejem naklonjeni mizi
06:33
and mock their responses,
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ter se norčevala iz njihovih reakcij,
06:35
chastise their unworldliness and their inability
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kritizirala njihovo naivnost
in nesposobnost
in nesposobnost
preseči politično korektne gejevske ovire,
ki sem jih prinesla s seboj,
ki sem jih prinesla s seboj,
06:37
to jump through the politically correct
gay hoops I had brought with me,
gay hoops I had brought with me,
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06:40
or I could empathize with them
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lahko pa bi z njimi sočustvovala
06:43
and realize that that was maybe one of
the hardest things they had ever done,
the hardest things they had ever done,
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in spoznala, da je bila to zanje
morda ena najtežjih stvari,
morda ena najtežjih stvari,
06:47
that starting and having that conversation
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da je to, da so se začeli pogovarjati,
06:50
was them coming out of their closets.
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pomenilo, da so stopili iz svojih omar.
06:52
Sure, it would have been easy
to point out where they felt short.
to point out where they felt short.
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Seveda bi bilo lahko pokazati,
kje niso uspeli.
kje niso uspeli.
06:56
It's a lot harder to meet them where they are
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Težje jim je stopiti naproti
06:58
and acknowledge the fact that they were trying.
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in sprejeti dejstvo, da so poskušali.
07:00
And what else can you ask someone to do but try?
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In kaj več kot to lahko zahtevamo?
07:05
If you're going to be real with someone,
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Če hočete biti z nekom iskreni,
07:07
you gotta be ready for real in return.
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morate biti pripravljeni, da boste
iskrenost dobili nazaj.
iskrenost dobili nazaj.
07:11
So hard conversations are still not my strong suit.
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Težki pogovori mi še vedno
ne gredo od rok.
ne gredo od rok.
07:14
Ask anybody I have ever dated.
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Vprašajte vse moje bivše.
07:16
But I'm getting better, and I follow what I like to call
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A postajam boljša in sledim
07:19
the three Pancake Girl principles.
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trem načelom punčke s palačinkami.
07:21
Now, please view this through gay-colored lenses,
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Tole glejte skozi gej očala,
07:25
but know what it takes to come out of any closet
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a vedite, da je razkritje česarkoli
07:28
is essentially the same.
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v bistvu enako.
07:30
Number one: Be authentic.
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Prvič: bodite pristni.
07:33
Take the armor off. Be yourself.
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Odvrzite oklep. Bodite to, kar ste.
07:34
That kid in the cafe had no armor,
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Otrok v restavraciji ni imel oklepa,
07:36
but I was ready for battle.
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jaz pa sem bila pripravljena na boj.
07:38
If you want someone to be real with you,
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Če hočete, da bodo iskreni z vami,
07:41
they need to know that you bleed too.
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morajo vedeti, da ste tudi vi
krvavi pod kožo.
krvavi pod kožo.
07:44
Number two: Be direct. Just
say it. Rip the Band-Aid off.
say it. Rip the Band-Aid off.
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Drugič: bodite neposredni.
Povejte, kakor je. Odtrgajte obliž.
Povejte, kakor je. Odtrgajte obliž.
07:47
If you know you are gay, just say it.
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Če ste gej, to kar povejte.
07:50
If you tell your parents you might be gay,
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Če poveste staršem, da ste morda gej,
07:51
they will hold out hope that this will change.
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bodo upali, da se bo to spremenilo.
07:53
Do not give them that sense of false hope.
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Ne vlivajte jim lažnega upanja.
07:56
(Laughter)
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(smeh)
07:58
And number three, and most important --
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In tretjič, kar je najpomembneje:
08:03
(Laughter)
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(smeh)
08:05
Be unapologetic.
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Ne opravičujte se.
08:09
You are speaking your truth.
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Govorite svojo resnico.
08:11
Never apologize for that.
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Nikoli se ne opravičujte za to.
08:15
And some folks may have gotten hurt along the way,
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Morda ste s tem koga prizadeli,
08:17
so sure, apologize for what you've done,
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seveda se opravičite za to,
kar ste storili,
kar ste storili,
08:20
but never apologize for who you are.
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ampak ne opravičujte se za to,
kar ste.
kar ste.
08:23
And yeah, some folks may be disappointed,
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Ja, nekateri bodo razočarani,
08:26
but that is on them, not on you.
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ampak to je njihova stvar, ne vaša.
08:29
Those are their expectations
of who you are, not yours.
of who you are, not yours.
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To so njihova pričakovanja o tem,
kar ste, ne vaša.
kar ste, ne vaša.
08:31
That is their story, not yours.
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To je njihova zgodba, ne vaša.
08:36
The only story that matters
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Edina zgodba, ki je pomembna,
08:37
is the one that you want to write.
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je tista, ki jo hočete napisati vi.
08:40
So the next time you find yourself
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Ko se boste naslednjič znašli
08:42
in a pitch-black closet clutching your grenade,
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v temni omari, oklepajoč se svoje granate,
08:44
know we have all been there before.
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vedite, da smo vsi bili tam.
08:48
And you may feel so very alone, but you are not.
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Morda se boste počutili
tako same, ampak niste.
tako same, ampak niste.
08:51
And we know it's hard but we need you out here,
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Vemo, da je težko, a stopiti moramo ven,
08:54
no matter what your walls are made of,
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ne glede na to, iz česa so naši zidovi,
08:57
because I guarantee you there are others
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ker vam zagotavljam, da drugi
08:59
peering through the keyholes of their closets
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kukajo skozi ključavnice svojih omar
09:01
looking for the next brave soul to
bust a door open, so be that person
bust a door open, so be that person
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in čakajo, da bo naslednja pogumna duša
na stežaj odprla vrata. Bodite ta duša
na stežaj odprla vrata. Bodite ta duša
09:05
and show the world that we
are bigger than our closets
are bigger than our closets
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in pokažite svetu, da smo
večji od svojih omar
večji od svojih omar
09:08
and that a closet is no place for a person
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in da v njih nihče
09:12
to truly live.
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ne more zares živeti.
09:13
Thank you, Boulder. Enjoy your night. (Applause)
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Hvala vam, Boulder.
Uživajte v večeru. (aplavz)
Uživajte v večeru. (aplavz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Ash Beckham - Equality advocateAsh Beckham approaches hard conversations from a place of compassion and empathy.
Why you should listen
Ash Beckham is no stranger to hard conversations. In her work, she shares how coming out as a lesbian helped her appreciate our common humanity and better understand the hardships that we all face. This equality advocate mixes personal experience and wisdom to help everyone bravely face their demons.
Ash Beckham | Speaker | TED.com