TED@Westpac
Michelle Knox: Talk about your death while you're still healthy
米歇尔·诺克斯: 在健康的时讨论死亡
Filmed:
Readability: 4.1
1,338,468 views
你知道你死的时候想要什么吗？你知道你想要怎样被记住吗？在这个坦诚的、由衷的演讲里，有许多我们不想谈论的话题，米歇尔·诺克斯请求我们每个人深思围绕死亡的核心价值观，并与我们所爱的人们分享它，让他们可以安心我作出有依据的决定，无需害怕违背我们的价值观。“如果我们现在就谈论死亡，人生会简单很多，”诺克斯说，”我们需要在强壮且健康的时候讨论这些事情，以不夹杂情感在其中——那样我们就不仅能明白什么是重要的，还有它为什么重要。“
Michelle Knox - Project and change professional
Westpac's Michelle Knox has led large-scale transformation programs in the UK, Ireland and Australia. Full bio
Westpac's Michelle Knox has led large-scale transformation programs in the UK, Ireland and Australia. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
To kick the bucket,
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翘辫子
00:14
bite the dust,
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辞世
00:16
cash in your chips,
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玩完了
00:18
check out, depart, expire,
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离开，逝去，结束
00:21
launch into eternity ...
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驾鹤西去
00:24
These are all euphemisms we use in humor
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这些都是我们幽默的委婉语
00:27
to describe the one life event
we are all going to experience:
we are all going to experience:
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来描述我们人生中终将经历的事
00:32
death.
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死亡
00:34
But most of us don't want
to acknowledge death,
to acknowledge death,
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但我们大多数人
不想承认死亡
不想承认死亡
00:37
we don't want to plan for it,
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我们不想为它做计划
00:39
and we don't want to discuss it with
the most important people in our lives.
the most important people in our lives.
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而且我们不想和人生中
最重要的人们讨论它
最重要的人们讨论它
00:44
I grew up in an Australian community
where people got old or sick
where people got old or sick
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我在一个澳大利亚团体中长大
其中人们老去或得病
其中人们老去或得病
00:47
and passed away,
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然后去世
00:48
and only the adults attended the funeral.
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然后只有成年人参加葬礼
00:51
My parents would come home
looking sad and drained,
looking sad and drained,
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我的父母会回到家
看上去难过且精疲力尽
看上去难过且精疲力尽
00:54
but they didn't discuss it with us.
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但他们不和我们讨论这件事
00:56
So I was ignorant to death
and of the grieving process.
and of the grieving process.
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所以我不了解死亡
还有吊唁流程
还有吊唁流程
01:01
At 15, I got my invitation.
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十五岁时，我收到了邀请
01:03
A dear neighbor who was like an aunt to me
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一位亲爱的邻居
其于我就像一位阿姨
其于我就像一位阿姨
01:06
died suddenly of a heart attack,
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突然死于了心脏病
01:08
and I attended my first funeral
and did my first reading.
and did my first reading.
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然后我参加了我的首个葬礼
并首次读了颂词
并首次读了颂词
01:12
I didn't know the tightness in my chest
and the dryness in my mouth was normal.
and the dryness in my mouth was normal.
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我并不知道我胸中的沉闷
和嘴中的干燥是正常的
和嘴中的干燥是正常的
01:18
The celebrant got some of the facts wrong,
and it made me really angry.
and it made me really angry.
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司仪把一些事情弄错了
而这让我非常生气
而这让我非常生气
01:23
He talked about how she loved knitting.
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他谈到了她有多喜爱编织
01:28
Knitting.
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编织
01:29
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
01:30
He didn't mention that, at 75,
she still mowed her own lawn,
she still mowed her own lawn,
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他没有提到，75岁时
她还在自己修剪草坪
她还在自己修剪草坪
01:34
built an amazing fish pond
in her front yard
in her front yard
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在她的前院搭了一个惊人的鱼塘
01:36
and made her own ginger beer.
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自制姜汁啤酒
01:39
I'm pretty sure "keen knitter"
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我蛮确定“热衷于编织”
01:41
isn't what she would
have chosen for her eulogy.
have chosen for her eulogy.
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不是她会为自己的悼词选的话
01:44
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
01:46
I believe if we discuss death
as part of day-to-day living,
as part of day-to-day living,
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我相信如果我们讨论死亡
像是日常生活的一部分的话
像是日常生活的一部分的话
01:49
we give ourselves the opportunity
to reflect on our core values,
to reflect on our core values,
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我们给自己机会反思我们的核心价值
01:52
share them with our loved ones,
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和我们爱的人分享它们
01:54
and then our survivors
can make informed decisions
can make informed decisions
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然后我们中的幸存者
可以作出有依据的决定
可以作出有依据的决定
01:58
without fear or regret
of having failed to honor our legacy.
of having failed to honor our legacy.
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没有未能尊敬我们遗念
的恐惧和遗憾
的恐惧和遗憾
02:04
I am blessed to lead a wonderful,
culturally diverse team,
culturally diverse team,
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我很高兴能领导一个
了不起的、多元文化的团队
了不起的、多元文化的团队
02:08
and in the last 12 months,
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而在过去的12个月里
02:09
we've lost five parents,
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我们失去了五位父母
02:11
including my own father,
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包括我自己的父亲
02:13
and most recently, a former colleague
who died at 41 from bowel cancer.
who died at 41 from bowel cancer.
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而不久前，一位前任同事
因大肠癌在41岁去世了
因大肠癌在41岁去世了
02:19
We started having
open and frank conversations
open and frank conversations
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我们开始坦诚地谈论
02:21
about what we were experiencing.
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我们的经历
02:24
We talked about the practical stuff,
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我们讨论实际的东西
02:26
the stuff no one prepares you for:
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那些没人讨论的细节：
02:29
dealing with government agencies,
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对付政府机关
02:31
hospitals, nursing homes,
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医院、护理院
02:33
advanced care directives,
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先进的护理指导
02:34
funeral directors
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殡仪负责人
02:36
and extended family members,
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和大家庭里的成员
02:39
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:40
making decisions about coffins,
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决定棺材
02:43
headstones,
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墓碑
02:44
headstone wording,
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墓志铭
02:45
headstone font size,
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墓志铭字体大小
02:47
all while sleep-deprived.
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并且一直都缺乏睡眠
02:50
We also discussed some of the issues
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我们还讨论了一些
02:52
triggered by our various
cultural backgrounds,
cultural backgrounds,
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被我们不同的文化背景影响的事情
02:55
and we realized there can be
some significant differences
some significant differences
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然后我们意识到对于怎样缅怀逝者
02:58
in how we honor
the passing of a loved one.
the passing of a loved one.
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可能有非常大的区别
03:01
A great example of this
is "Sorry Business,"
is "Sorry Business,"
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其中一个例子就是
03:04
practiced by Aboriginal
and Torres Strait Islander people.
and Torres Strait Islander people.
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土著人和托雷斯海峡岛居民的丧事
03:07
During Sorry Business,
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在丧事过程中
03:10
family members will take on
specific roles and responsibilities,
specific roles and responsibilities,
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家人会担任特定的角色和责任
03:13
protocols such as limiting
the use of photographs,
the use of photographs,
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礼节比如说限制照片的使用
03:16
saying the name of the deceased,
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说逝者的名字
03:19
and holding a smoking ceremony
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并且举行吸烟仪式
03:21
are all a sign of respect and allow
for a peaceful transition of the spirit.
for a peaceful transition of the spirit.
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都是尊敬的表现
并且允许灵魂的安详转移
并且允许灵魂的安详转移
03:26
These customs can be a complete contrast
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这些习俗与西方习俗
03:28
to those we might practice
in Western cultures,
in Western cultures,
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大相径庭
03:31
where we would honor
the memory of a loved one
the memory of a loved one
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其中我们会缅怀有关逝者的记忆
03:33
by talking about them
and sharing photographs.
and sharing photographs.
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通过谈论他们并且分享照片
03:37
So my lesson from this last year is,
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于是我去年得到的教训是
03:39
life would be a lot easier to live
if we talked about death now,
if we talked about death now,
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人生可以变得容易得多
如果我们现在就谈论死亡
如果我们现在就谈论死亡
03:45
while we're healthy.
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在我们健康的时候
03:47
For most of us, we wait
until we are too emotional,
until we are too emotional,
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对于我们大部分人来说
我们等到变得太感性的时候
我们等到变得太感性的时候
03:50
too ill
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病入膏肓
03:52
or too physically exhausted --
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或是太精疲力尽的时候——
03:55
and then it's too late.
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而那太晚了
03:57
Isn't it time we started taking ownership
of our finale on this earth?
of our finale on this earth?
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现在不是我们开始在世上
掌控自己结局的主权的时候吗？
掌控自己结局的主权的时候吗？
04:03
So let's get going.
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那么让我们开始吧
04:05
Do you know what you want when you die?
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你知道你死的时候想要什么吗？
04:08
Do you know how you want to be remembered?
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你知道你想要怎样被记住吗？
04:10
Is location important?
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地点重要吗？
04:13
Do you want to be near the ocean
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你是想要靠海
04:15
or in the ocean?
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还是在海里
04:16
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:18
Do you want a religious service
or an informal party,
or an informal party,
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你想要一个宗教服务
还是非正式聚会
还是非正式聚会
04:22
or do you want to go out with a bang,
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或是想在巨响中离开
04:24
literally, in a firework?
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真的，在烟花里？
04:27
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:28
When it comes to death,
there's so much to discuss,
there's so much to discuss,
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当事情涉及死亡时
有那么多事情要讨论
有那么多事情要讨论
04:31
but I want to focus on two aspects:
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但是我想要集中在两个方面上：
04:33
why talking about and planning your death
can help you experience a good death,
can help you experience a good death,
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为什么谈论并计划死亡
可以帮助你死得其所
可以帮助你死得其所
04:39
and then reduce the stress
on your loved ones;
on your loved ones;
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并且减少你所爱的人的压力
04:41
and how talking about death can help us
support those who are grieving.
support those who are grieving.
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以及怎样讨论死亡可以
帮助我们安慰那些悼念者
帮助我们安慰那些悼念者
04:45
So let's start with planning.
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那么让我们开始计划吧
04:48
How many of you have a will?
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在座多少人立了遗嘱
04:50
Put your hand up.
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举手
04:51
Oh, this is fantastic.
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哦，这很棒
04:53
In Australia, 45 percent
of adults over the age of 18
of adults over the age of 18
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在澳大利亚，百分之45
18岁以上的成年人
18岁以上的成年人
04:58
do not have a legal will.
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没有一个法定的遗嘱
05:01
You're a little bit above average.
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你们在平均以上一点
05:03
This is a startling statistic
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这是一个起始数据
05:06
given that writing a will can actually
be quite simple and inexpensive.
be quite simple and inexpensive.
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鉴于写遗嘱其实可以是
挺简单而且便宜的
挺简单而且便宜的
05:10
So I started asking
my friends and neighbors
my friends and neighbors
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所以我从询问朋友和邻居们开始
05:12
and was really surprised to learn
many of them don't have a will,
many of them don't have a will,
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然后非常惊讶地发现
他们许多人没有遗嘱
他们许多人没有遗嘱
05:16
and some couples don't realize
they need individual wills.
they need individual wills.
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而且有些夫妻没有意识到
他们需要个人遗嘱
他们需要个人遗嘱
05:19
The usual explanation was, well,
it's all going to go to my partner anyway.
it's all going to go to my partner anyway.
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通常的解释是，哎呀
那总归会是我配偶的
那总归会是我配偶的
05:24
So keep in mind that laws vary
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那么记住法律在不同的
05:26
from state to state
and country to country,
and country to country,
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州和国家之间都有区别
05:29
but this is what happens
in New South Wales
in New South Wales
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但是这是新南威尔士的情况
05:31
if you die without leaving a legal will.
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如果你没有留下法定遗嘱就死去
05:35
Firstly, a suitable administrator
must be appointed
must be appointed
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首先，一个合适的
遗产管理人必须由
遗产管理人必须由
05:38
by the Supreme Court of New South Wales.
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新南威尔士的最高法院指定
05:41
Chances are this is someone
who would never have met the deceased.
who would never have met the deceased.
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可能这是某个从未见过死者的人
05:45
That person is then responsible
for arranging your funeral,
for arranging your funeral,
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那个人就要负责安排你的葬礼
05:49
collecting assets and distributing them
after paying debts and taxes.
after paying debts and taxes.
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收集资产并在付清
债款和税务之后分配它们
债款和税务之后分配它们
05:54
And one of those debts
will be the bill for their services.
will be the bill for their services.
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而其中一个债务就会是
他们的服务账单
他们的服务账单
05:57
This is not someone who would have known
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这个人不会知道
05:59
you want the four-foot
wooden giraffe in your living room
wooden giraffe in your living room
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你想把客厅里
四脚木质长颈鹿
四脚木质长颈鹿
06:02
to go to the person who helped you
carry it halfway across the world,
carry it halfway across the world,
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留送给那个帮助你
跨越半个世界运它过来的人
跨越半个世界运它过来的人
06:05
and yes, that's in my will.
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是的，我的遗嘱里有这段
06:07
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
06:10
If you die leaving a spouse
or a domestic partner,
or a domestic partner,
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如果你死时有配偶或是同居者
06:12
then chances are
they will receive your estate,
they will receive your estate,
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那么他们可能会得到你的遗产
06:15
but if you are single,
it's far more complicated,
it's far more complicated,
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但是如果你单身
这就复杂的多
这就复杂的多
06:18
as parents, siblings, half-siblings
and dependents all come into play.
and dependents all come into play.
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因为父母、同胞、异父／异母同胞、
和受抚养者都会有影响
和受抚养者都会有影响
06:24
And did you know that if you make
a regular donation to charity,
a regular donation to charity,
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而且你知不知道如果
你定期向慈善机构捐款
你定期向慈善机构捐款
06:28
that charity may have grounds
to make a claim on your estate?
to make a claim on your estate?
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那个慈善机构会
有资格获得你的遗产？
有资格获得你的遗产？
06:32
The most important thing to know
is the bigger your estate,
is the bigger your estate,
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总重要的事就是
你的遗产越多
你的遗产越多
06:35
the more complicated that will will be,
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那份遗嘱就越复杂
06:37
and the more expensive that bill.
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而且账单就越昂贵
06:40
So if you don't have a will, I ask you ...
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所以如果你没有遗嘱
我请问你
我请问你
06:45
when else in your life
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在你人生中有什么时候
06:47
have you willingly given money
to the government
to the government
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自愿的给政府钱
06:50
when you didn't have to?
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但你其实不需要这么做？
06:52
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
06:55
I lost my father in February
to a progressive lung disease.
to a progressive lung disease.
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我二月时由于进行性肺病
失去了我的父亲
失去了我的父亲
06:59
When dad knew his death was imminent,
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当老爸知道死亡临近的时候
07:01
he had three clear wishes.
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他有三个明确的愿望
07:03
He wanted to die at home;
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他想要在家里去世
07:06
he wanted to die surrounded by family;
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他想要被家人围绕着去世
07:08
and he wanted to die peacefully,
not choking or gasping for air.
not choking or gasping for air.
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而且他想要安详地去世
07:13
And I'm pleased to say that my family
were able to support dad's wishes,
were able to support dad's wishes,
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而且我很高兴地说
我家能够支持老爸的愿望
我家能够支持老爸的愿望
07:17
and he achieved his goals,
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他得偿所愿
07:18
and in that sense, he had a good death.
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可以说，他得以好死
07:22
He had the death he planned for.
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以自己想要的方式去世
07:25
Because dad wanted to die at home,
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因为老爸想在家逝世
07:27
we had to have some
pretty tough conversations
pretty tough conversations
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我们进行了不少艰难的对话
07:29
and fill out a lot of paperwork.
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并且填了很多文件
07:31
The questions on the forms cover everything
from resuscitation to organ donation.
from resuscitation to organ donation.
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表格上的问题应有尽有
从抢救到器官捐赠
从抢救到器官捐赠
07:37
Dad said, "Take whatever
organs you can use."
organs you can use."
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老爸说，“拿走任何你能用的器官”
07:41
This was upsetting to my mum,
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这让我妈妈很难过
07:43
as my dad's health
was deteriorating rapidly,
was deteriorating rapidly,
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因为我父亲的健康在急速下降
07:45
and it was no longer the right time
to talk about organ donation.
to talk about organ donation.
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而且这再也不是
讨论器官捐赠的正确时机
讨论器官捐赠的正确时机
07:50
I believe we need to discuss these issues
when we are fit and healthy,
when we are fit and healthy,
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我相信我们需要在
强壮且健康的时候讨论这些问题
强壮且健康的时候讨论这些问题
07:54
so we can take the emotion out of it,
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那样我们可以不带有那么多情感
07:56
and then we can learn
not just what is important,
not just what is important,
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而且我们不仅可以发现
什么是重要的
什么是重要的
07:59
but why it's important.
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还能发现它为什么重要
08:02
So as part of my journey,
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那么我经历中一部分就是
08:04
I started engaging my family and friends
to find out their thoughts on death,
to find out their thoughts on death,
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我开始让我的家人和朋友们
参与来发现他们对于死亡的想法
参与来发现他们对于死亡的想法
08:09
and how they wanted to be remembered.
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以及他们想要怎样被记住
08:12
I discovered you can host
a "Death Over Dinner,"
a "Death Over Dinner,"
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我发现你可以办一个“死亡晚餐”
08:16
or a "Death Cafe,"
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或者“死亡咖啡”
08:18
which is a great, casual way
to introduce the topic ...
to introduce the topic ...
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会是很好的、随意的
方法来介绍主题
方法来介绍主题
08:21
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:23
and gain some wonderful insight.
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然后得到一些很棒的想法
08:25
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:27
Did you know that your body
has to be legally disposed of,
has to be legally disposed of,
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你知不知道你的身体得
被合法地处理掉
被合法地处理掉
08:30
and you can't just be shoved off a cliff
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也就是说你不能直接被推下悬崖
08:33
or set fire to in the backyard?
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或是在后院被烧掉？
08:35
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:36
In Australia, you have three options.
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在澳大利亚，你有三个选择
08:38
The two most common
are burial and cremation,
are burial and cremation,
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最常见的两个是埋葬和火化
08:40
but you can also donate
your body to science.
your body to science.
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但是你还可以把身体捐献给科学
08:43
And I am pleased to report
that innovation has touched
that innovation has touched
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而且我很高兴地报告
创新已经拓展到了
创新已经拓展到了
08:46
the world of corpse disposal.
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尸体处理的领域了
08:48
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:49
You can now opt for an eco-funeral.
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现在你可以选择生态葬礼
08:51
You can be buried at the base of a tree
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你可以在回收的硬纸盒
或是柳条筐里
或是柳条筐里
08:53
in recycled cardboard or a wicker basket,
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被埋在一棵树的根部
08:56
and for those who love the ocean,
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而对于那些热爱海洋的人
08:57
there are eco-friendly urns
that will dissolve at sea.
that will dissolve at sea.
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也有环保的、可以在海里溶解的骨灰盒
09:01
Personally, I plan to be cremated,
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个人来说，我打算被火花
09:04
but given that I get seasick,
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但由于我晕船
09:06
I can think of nothing worse
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我想不到有什么比
09:08
than having my ashes
flung into a huge ocean swell.
flung into a huge ocean swell.
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我的骨灰被扔到巨浪里
更坏的事了
更坏的事了
09:12
I've actually bought a plot
in the rose garden next to my dad.
in the rose garden next to my dad.
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我其实在玫瑰园里
我老爸旁边买了个墓地
我老爸旁边买了个墓地
09:16
I call it my investment property.
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我把它当作我的地产投资
09:18
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
09:20
But sadly, there's no tax deduction.
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但不幸的是，没能扣税
09:23
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
09:26
So if you plan for your death,
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所以如果你计划自己的死亡
09:29
then your survivors will know
how to experience a healthy bereavement
how to experience a healthy bereavement
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那么你的未亡人能
妥善处理丧亲过程
妥善处理丧亲过程
09:33
without fear or guilt of having failed
to honor your legacy.
to honor your legacy.
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没有恐惧或是
没能尊重你的遗愿的愧疚
没能尊重你的遗愿的愧疚
09:37
As part of my research,
I've been to seminars,
I've been to seminars,
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作为我研究的一部分
我曾经去过研讨会
我曾经去过研讨会
09:40
read books and talked
to palliative care nurses.
to palliative care nurses.
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读过书并和姑息治疗的护工谈过话
09:43
And I've come to understand
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而且我逐渐明白
09:44
as a consequence
of not talking about death,
of not talking about death,
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不谈论死亡的一个后果
09:48
we don't know how to be around grief.
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就是我们不知道怎么面对悲痛
09:51
And on the flip side,
if we talk about death more,
if we talk about death more,
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而在另一方面
如果我们更多地谈论死亡
如果我们更多地谈论死亡
09:54
we will become more comfortable with
the emotions we experience around grief.
the emotions we experience around grief.
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我们会变得更习惯于
经历悲痛的情感
经历悲痛的情感
10:01
I discovered, this year,
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今年我发现
10:03
it's actually a privilege
to help someone exit this life,
to help someone exit this life,
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帮助别人走完人生最后一里
是一种荣幸
是一种荣幸
10:07
and although my heart
is heavy with loss and sadness,
is heavy with loss and sadness,
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而且虽然我心中充斥着伤痛
10:11
it is not heavy with regret.
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它并没有悔恨
10:13
I knew what dad wanted,
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我知道老爸想要什么
10:15
and I feel at peace knowing
I could support his wishes.
I could support his wishes.
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而且我从容地知道
我可以支持他的愿望
我可以支持他的愿望
10:21
My dad's last 24 hours
were in a peaceful coma,
were in a peaceful coma,
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我父亲的最后24小时
在安详的昏迷中度过
在安详的昏迷中度过
10:24
and after days of around-the-clock care,
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2008
而在许多天昼夜不停的看护后
10:26
we had time to sit, hold his hand,
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我们有时间坐下来
握住他的手
握住他的手
10:29
and say goodbye.
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1284
然后道别
10:31
He passed away on a Monday morning
just before breakfast,
just before breakfast,
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他在一个周一的早晨去世了
就在早餐之前
就在早餐之前
10:34
and after the doctor came
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而在医生到来之后
10:36
and we waited for the funeral home,
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我们等待着殡仪馆的到来
10:39
I went into the kitchen,
and I ate a big bowl of porridge.
and I ate a big bowl of porridge.
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我走进了厨房
然后我吃了一大碗粥
然后我吃了一大碗粥
10:45
When I told some of my friends this,
they were really shocked.
they were really shocked.
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当我告诉一些朋友这件事时
他们非常震惊
他们非常震惊
10:48
"How could you eat at a time like that?"
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3038
“你在那种时候怎么吃得下东西？”
10:53
Well, I was hungry.
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2909
呃，我很饿
10:56
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
11:00
You see, grief impacted my sleep
and my ability to concentrate,
and my ability to concentrate,
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3953
你看，悲痛影响了我的睡眠
和我的集中注意能力
和我的集中注意能力
11:04
but it never impacted my stomach.
I was always hungry.
I was always hungry.
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但它从来没影响过我的胃
我一直都很饿
我一直都很饿
11:08
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
11:09
It's different for all of us,
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这对我们所有人都不同
11:10
and it's really important
that we acknowledge that.
that we acknowledge that.
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而且我们承认这点真的很重要
11:14
So if we don't talk about our death
and the death of loved ones,
and the death of loved ones,
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3151
所以如果我们不谈论自己的死亡
和我们爱的人的死亡
和我们爱的人的死亡
11:17
how can we possibly support
a friend, a colleague, a neighbor
a friend, a colleague, a neighbor
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我们怎么有可能支持
一位正在悲痛中的
一位正在悲痛中的
11:22
who is grieving?
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朋友、同事、邻居呢？
11:23
How do we support someone
who has lost someone suddenly,
who has lost someone suddenly,
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我们怎么支持某个
突然失去别人的人
突然失去别人的人
11:26
like an accident or suicide?
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比如一场意外或是自杀？
11:29
We tend to avoid them ...
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我们尽量避开这些话题
11:32
not because we don't care,
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不是因为我们不在乎
11:34
because we don't know what to say.
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而是因为我们不知道说什么
11:37
We know as a friend we can't fix it,
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2652
我们知道作为一个朋友
我们解决不了这件事
我们解决不了这件事
11:40
we can't take away that pain,
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2595
我们不能带走那种伤痛
11:43
so we say things
to fill that awkward silence,
to fill that awkward silence,
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3191
所以我们说些什么
来填补那种尴尬的沉默
来填补那种尴尬的沉默
11:46
sometimes things we regret saying.
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有时候是我们后悔说出的话
11:49
Examples would be:
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1285
比如说
11:53
"At least he isn't suffering anymore."
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2016
“至少他不再受折磨了”
11:56
"At least you've got your memories."
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“至少你有你的回忆”
12:00
"At least you don't have to pay
for hospital parking anymore."
for hospital parking anymore."
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2920
“至少你不需要再付医院的停车费了”
12:03
(Laughter)
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2096
（笑声）
12:05
Really, we don't need to say anything.
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真的，我们什么都不需要说
12:08
We just need to be.
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我们只需要在
12:11
Be patient,
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1844
有耐心
12:13
be understanding,
247
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去体谅
12:15
and be a listener.
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然后当个聆听者
12:17
And if you can't be any of those things,
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而如果你这些都做不到
12:20
then please, be the person who makes
the lasagna, the curry or the casserole,
the lasagna, the curry or the casserole,
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那么请你，当那个做
千层面、咖喱或是炖菜的人
千层面、咖喱或是炖菜的人
12:25
because your offerings
will be greatly appreciated.
will be greatly appreciated.
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我保证大家会很感激
12:27
(Laughter)
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1563
（笑声）
12:29
I've been to 10 funerals in the last year,
253
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2342
我去年去过十场葬礼
12:32
one of which I helped arrange.
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740052
1970
策划了其中一场
12:34
They ran the full gamut:
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2218
他们进行了全套过程
12:36
a very solemn Greek Orthodox service,
256
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2461
一个非常庄严的希腊东正教仪式
12:38
four Catholic requiem masses
257
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2611
四个天主教安魂弥撒曲
12:41
and a garden party
258
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1659
和一个花园聚会
12:43
where I made a toast while scattering
my friend's ashes around her garden
my friend's ashes around her garden
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4437
我一边用汤勺把
朋友的骨灰洒在花园里
朋友的骨灰洒在花园里
12:47
with a soup ladle.
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一边致辞
12:48
(Laughter)
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1526
（笑声）
12:50
I have carried, kissed, written on
and toasted coffins with a shot of ouzo.
and toasted coffins with a shot of ouzo.
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我抬过、吻过、写过、
并用一杯茴香酒敬过棺材
并用一杯茴香酒敬过棺材
12:55
I have worn all black,
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我穿过全黑
12:57
all color and a party dress.
264
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所有颜色和一条派对裙
13:00
Despite the vast differences in sendoff,
265
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2285
尽管送别会的巨大不同
13:02
despite me being at times
out of my comfort zone
out of my comfort zone
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2522
尽管我有时候在舒适区外
13:05
doing something I've never done before,
267
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2842
做着以前从没做过的事
13:07
I drew comfort from one thing --
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1960
我从一件事情得取安慰——
13:10
knowing that this is what each person
would have wanted.
would have wanted.
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2984
知道每个人都以他们想要的方式离世
13:15
So what do I want?
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1150
那么我想要什么？
13:17
Well, I like to be organized,
so I have the will,
so I have the will,
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3992
呃，我想要有条理
所以我有遗嘱
所以我有遗嘱
13:21
I'm a registered organ donor,
and I have my investment property.
and I have my investment property.
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我是注册器官捐献者
还有我那块地产投资
还有我那块地产投资
13:25
All that is left is planning my sendoff,
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剩下的就是策划我的送别会了
13:27
a big party, lots of champagne,
274
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一个盛大的聚会，许多香槟
13:31
color, laughter, and of course,
music to remember me by.
music to remember me by.
275
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颜色、笑声、以及当然
记念我的音乐
记念我的音乐
13:35
Thank you.
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谢谢
13:36
(Applause)
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（掌声）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Michelle Knox - Project and change professionalWestpac's Michelle Knox has led large-scale transformation programs in the UK, Ireland and Australia.
Why you should listen
Michelle Knox currently works in Finance Transformation for Westpac Banking Corporation, Sydney, Australia, leading a team to deliver superior products, services and sustainable change. In a world of constant change and disruption, Knox is passionate about helping others to adapt and thrive by identifying and supporting the unique skills and talents of individuals to create a positive work environment.
Knox is also an avid work traveler and storyteller, often combining these passions to write witty accounts of her adventures in a travel blog.
In 2017, Knox's father passed away from a progressive illness. Through this experience, Knox learned that talking about death and planning for it enabled her father to experience a good death and her family to have a healthy bereavement, something she realized not everyone achieves.
After discussing death with friends, colleagues and complete strangers, Knox realized there was a need to address the way we deal with the most significant change we will all experience: death. With humor and compassion, Knox shares her own experiences and learnings in order to help others. She is living proof that talking about death won’t kill you.
Michelle Knox | Speaker | TED.com