TEDxIndianaUniversity
Alyssa Monks: How loss helped one artist find beauty in imperfection
阿丽莎·芒克斯: 失去如何帮助画家寻找不完整中的美
Filmed:
Readability: 3
1,356,264 views
画家阿丽莎·芒克斯在未知的，不可预测的，甚至是可怕的事物中，寻找美丽和灵感。在这样一个诗意的，亲密的谈话中，她描述了作为一个画家，作为一个人类的发展过程中，感悟到的生命、颜料和画布的互动。
Alyssa Monks - Painter
Alyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface. Full bio
Alyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I'm a painter.
0
840
1256
我是一名画家。
00:14
I make large-scale figurative paintings,
1
2120
2576
我专攻大型具象绘画，
00:16
which means I paint people
2
4720
1400
也就是说，我画的人物
00:18
like this.
3
6840
1199
都是这样的。
00:20
But I'm here tonight to tell you
about something personal
about something personal
4
8840
2776
但是我今天来这里，
是想和大家分享
是想和大家分享
00:23
that changed my work and my perspective.
5
11640
2680
一些改变了我的
作品和想法的私事。
作品和想法的私事。
00:27
It's something we all go through,
6
15520
1696
这是我们都曾经历过的事，
00:29
and my hope is that my experience
may be helpful to somebody.
may be helpful to somebody.
7
17240
3600
我希望我的经历会对
更多的人有所帮助。
更多的人有所帮助。
00:34
To give you some background on me,
I grew up the youngest of eight.
I grew up the youngest of eight.
8
22520
3576
首先从我的背景说起，
我是家里八个孩子中最小的。
我是家里八个孩子中最小的。
00:38
Yes, eight kids in my family.
9
26120
2176
是的，我们家中有八个孩子。
00:40
I have six older brothers and a sister.
10
28320
2336
我有六个哥哥和一个姐姐。
00:42
To give you a sense of what that's like,
11
30680
2200
为了给你们一种
更加直观的感觉，
更加直观的感觉，
00:45
when my family went on vacation,
12
33720
2016
我们家出游度假，
00:47
we had a bus.
13
35760
1696
都是用大巴的。
00:49
(Laughter)
14
37480
1200
（笑声）
00:52
My supermom would drive us all over town
15
40920
2736
我的超级妈妈会开车
把我们送往城中各处，
把我们送往城中各处，
00:55
to our various after-school activities --
16
43680
2736
送我们去参加
各自的课后活动－
各自的课后活动－
00:58
not in the bus.
17
46440
1200
不是用大巴。
01:00
We had a regular car, too.
18
48920
1720
我们家也是有普通车的。
01:03
She would take me to art classes,
19
51920
1816
她会把我送去美术课，
01:05
and not just one or two.
20
53760
1256
各种美术课。
01:07
She took me to every available art class
from when I was eight to 16,
from when I was eight to 16,
21
55040
5576
在我八岁到十六岁之间，她让
我参加所有能参加的美术课。
我参加所有能参加的美术课。
01:12
because that's all I wanted to do.
22
60640
1640
因为那确实是我想做的。
01:14
She even took a class with me
in New York City.
in New York City.
23
62760
2640
她甚至在纽约城里
和我一起上课。
和我一起上课。
01:18
Now, being the youngest of eight,
I learned a few survival skills.
I learned a few survival skills.
24
66040
3696
作为家中最小的孩子，
我学会了一些生存技能。
我学会了一些生存技能。
01:21
Rule number one:
25
69760
1536
规则一：
01:23
don't let your big brother
see you do anything stupid.
see you do anything stupid.
26
71320
2960
永远别让你的哥哥们
看见你做傻事。
看见你做傻事。
01:27
So I learned to be quiet and neat
27
75600
2496
所以我学会了
安静与干净，
安静与干净，
01:30
and careful to follow the rules
and stay in line.
and stay in line.
28
78120
2640
小心行事，遵守规矩。
01:33
But painting was where I made the rules.
29
81520
3096
但是在绘画的世界中
就是我说了算。
就是我说了算。
01:36
That was my private world.
30
84640
1640
那是我的自我世界。
01:39
By 14, I knew I really wanted
to be an artist.
to be an artist.
31
87560
2880
我十四岁大的时候
就决心做一名画家。
就决心做一名画家。
01:43
My big plan was to be a waitress
to support my painting.
to support my painting.
32
91880
3320
我的宏伟计划是准备当一名
服务生来支持我的绘画开支。
服务生来支持我的绘画开支。
01:48
So I continued honing my skills.
33
96440
1856
我持续磨练我的技能。
01:50
I went to graduate school
and I got an MFA,
and I got an MFA,
34
98320
2136
我进入了研究生院
并获得了硕士学位，
并获得了硕士学位，
01:52
and at my first solo show,
my brother asked me,
my brother asked me,
35
100480
3296
在我第一次个人展中，
我的哥哥问我，
我的哥哥问我，
01:55
"What do all these red dots
mean next to the paintings?"
mean next to the paintings?"
36
103800
2976
“那些画旁边的
红点是什么意思？”
红点是什么意思？”
01:58
Nobody was more surprised than me.
37
106800
2000
没人比我更加惊讶了。
02:01
The red dots meant
that the paintings were sold
that the paintings were sold
38
109560
2456
那些红点意味着
画已经卖出，
画已经卖出，
02:04
and that I'd be able to pay my rent
39
112040
2096
我也就有能力支付
02:06
with painting.
40
114160
1320
我绘画的贷款了。
02:08
Now, my apartment
had four electrical outlets,
had four electrical outlets,
41
116040
3336
那时，我的公寓有四个插座，
02:11
and I couldn't use a microwave
and a toaster at the same time,
and a toaster at the same time,
42
119400
3296
没法同时使用微波炉和烤面包机，
02:14
but still, I could pay my rent.
43
122720
2240
但是，
我至少可以付清我的租金了。
我至少可以付清我的租金了。
02:17
So I was very happy.
44
125480
1200
所以我很开心。
02:20
Here's a painting
from back around that time.
from back around that time.
45
128000
2120
这是一幅我当时的绘画作品。
02:23
I needed it to be
as realistic as possible.
as realistic as possible.
46
131400
2136
我希望画中的形象越真实越好。
02:25
It had to be specific and believable.
47
133560
2400
形象必须要具体且令人信服。
02:29
This was the place where I was
isolated and in total control.
isolated and in total control.
48
137400
4320
这是一个让我感到独立，
感到有掌控感的地方。
感到有掌控感的地方。
02:35
Since then, I've made a career
of painting people in water.
of painting people in water.
49
143680
3696
自此，我开始专攻描绘水中的人们。
02:39
Bathtubs and showers were
the perfect enclosed environment.
the perfect enclosed environment.
50
147400
4016
浴缸和淋浴是完美的封闭环境。
02:43
It was intimate and private,
51
151440
1736
这些让人们感到亲密而隐秘，
02:45
and water was this complicated challenge
that kept me busy for a decade.
that kept me busy for a decade.
52
153200
4216
水这个复杂的挑战
也让我忙了有十年。
也让我忙了有十年。
02:49
I made about 200 of these paintings,
53
157440
2536
我创作了大约200幅
这样的作品，
这样的作品，
02:52
some of them six to eight feet,
54
160000
1720
其中一些有6到8英寸大，
02:54
like this one.
55
162440
1240
就跟这幅差不多。
02:56
For this painting, I mixed flour in
with the bathwater to make it cloudy
with the bathwater to make it cloudy
56
164240
4496
为了这幅画，我把面粉撒进洗澡水，
让它看起来烟雾缭绕，
让它看起来烟雾缭绕，
03:00
and I floated cooking oil on the surface
57
168760
2976
然后在表面浮上一层烹饪油，
03:03
and stuck a girl in it,
58
171760
1336
再放上一个女孩，
03:05
and when I lit it up,
59
173120
1616
当我把它照亮，
03:06
it was so beautiful
I couldn't wait to paint it.
I couldn't wait to paint it.
60
174760
2760
那画面太美了，
我都等不及马上要去画。
我都等不及马上要去画。
03:10
I was driven by this
kind of impulsive curiosity,
kind of impulsive curiosity,
61
178080
3680
我被这种冲动的好奇心所驱使，
03:14
always looking for something new to add:
62
182560
1936
总在寻找画作的新元素：
03:16
vinyl, steam, glass.
63
184520
1960
黑胶唱片，水蒸气，玻璃。
03:19
I once put all this Vaseline
in my head and hair
in my head and hair
64
187000
3776
我曾经把凡士林涂得头上到处都是，
03:22
just to see what that would look like.
65
190800
1840
就为了看看效果。
03:25
Don't do that.
66
193200
1216
千万别那么做。
03:26
(Laughter)
67
194440
1440
（笑声）
03:30
So it was going well.
68
198120
1696
一切都进行的很顺利。
03:31
I was finding my way.
69
199840
1280
我找到了自己的风格，
03:33
I was eager and motivated
70
201600
2176
被其他的画家包围着，
03:35
and surrounded by artists,
71
203800
1480
我是如此渴望，如此充满动力，
03:37
always going to openings and events.
72
205880
1920
我去参加各种开幕式和活动。
03:40
I was having some success and recognition
73
208320
2896
我取得了更多的成功和认可，
03:43
and I moved into an apartment
with more than four outlets.
with more than four outlets.
74
211240
3360
所以我能够搬到一个
不止四个插座的公寓里去。
不止四个插座的公寓里去。
03:48
My mom and I would stay up very late
75
216280
1856
我和妈妈会熬夜谈论
03:50
talking about our latest ideas
and inspiring each other.
and inspiring each other.
76
218160
3136
我们的最新想法，
从而激励对方。
从而激励对方。
03:53
She made beautiful pottery.
77
221320
1720
她做的陶器很美。
03:56
I have a friend named Bo
who made this painting
who made this painting
78
224960
2456
我有一个叫博的朋友，
他画了一幅画，
他画了一幅画，
03:59
of his wife and I dancing by the ocean,
79
227440
2376
描绘了我和他的妻子
在海边跳舞。
在海边跳舞。
04:01
and he called it "The Light Years."
80
229840
1667
他给这幅画取名叫《光年》。
04:03
I asked him what that meant, and he said,
81
231960
2616
我问他那是什么意思，
他回答说：
他回答说：
04:06
"Well, that's when you've stepped
into adulthood, you're no longer a child,
into adulthood, you're no longer a child,
82
234600
3560
“嗯，当你已经步入成年，
你就不再是一个孩子，
你就不再是一个孩子，
04:10
but you're not yet weighed down
by the responsibilities of life."
by the responsibilities of life."
83
238960
3360
但你还没有权衡好生活的责任。”
04:15
That was it. It was the light years.
84
243000
1720
就是这个，这就是光年。
04:18
On October 8, 2011,
85
246560
1976
2011年10月8日，
04:20
the light years came to an end.
86
248560
2056
光年终于来到了尾声。
04:22
My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.
87
250640
1880
我妈被诊断出了肺癌。
04:27
It had spread to her bones,
and it was in her brain.
and it was in her brain.
88
255160
2450
癌已经扩散到骨髓和大脑。
04:30
When she told me this, I fell to my knees.
89
258680
2255
当她告诉我这件事时，
我跪倒了。
我跪倒了。
04:32
I totally lost it.
90
260959
1241
我完全不知所措。
04:35
And when I got myself together
and I looked at her,
and I looked at her,
91
263720
2416
当我整理好头绪，望向她，
04:38
I realized, this isn't about me.
92
266160
1576
我意识到我不是重点，
04:39
This is about figuring out
how to help her.
how to help her.
93
267760
2040
重点是如何帮助她。
04:43
My father is a doctor,
94
271000
1416
我的父亲是一名医生，
04:44
and so we had a great advantage
having him in charge,
having him in charge,
95
272440
3576
所以让他负责治疗有很多好处，
04:48
and he did a beautiful job
taking care of her.
taking care of her.
96
276040
2160
他很好的照料了她。
04:50
But I, too, wanted to do
everything I could to help,
everything I could to help,
97
278720
2776
但是，我也想尽一切努力帮助她，
04:53
so I wanted to try everything.
98
281520
2576
我想尝试任何可能。
04:56
We all did.
99
284120
1200
我们都这样做了。
04:57
I researched alternative medicines,
100
285720
1936
我调查了其他可行的药物，
04:59
diets, juicing, acupuncture.
101
287680
3080
饮食，果汁，针灸。
05:03
Finally, I asked her,
102
291600
1376
终于，我问她，
05:05
"Is this what you want me to do?"
103
293000
1600
“这是你想让我为你做的吗？”
05:07
And she said, "No."
104
295280
1240
她说：“不。”
05:09
She said, "Pace yourself.
I'm going to need you later."
I'm going to need you later."
105
297360
3120
她说：“做你该做的，
我以后会需要你的。”
我以后会需要你的。”
05:16
She knew what was happening,
106
304160
1736
她知道正在发生的一切，
05:17
and she knew what the doctors
107
305920
1416
她还知道医生，
05:19
and the experts
and the internet didn't know:
and the internet didn't know:
108
307360
2496
专家和网络不知道的：
05:21
how she wanted to go through this.
109
309880
1960
她自己想要怎样度过这一切。
05:24
I just needed to ask her.
110
312600
1240
我需要的仅仅是问她就好。
05:27
I realized that if I tried to fix it,
111
315840
2096
我意识到如果我想要修复这一切，
05:29
I would miss it.
112
317960
1200
我就会错过这一切。
05:32
So I just started to be with her,
113
320440
1616
所以我决定守护在她身边。
05:34
whatever that meant
and whatever situation came up,
and whatever situation came up,
114
322080
2400
不管情况变得怎样，
05:37
just really listen to her.
115
325400
1360
我需要去听她的想法。
05:40
If before I was resisting,
then now I was surrendering,
then now I was surrendering,
116
328320
4040
以前我会抗拒，
但之后我开始屈服，
但之后我开始屈服，
05:45
giving up trying to control
the uncontrollable
the uncontrollable
117
333200
2616
放弃尝试去控制
那些不可控的东西。
那些不可控的东西。
05:47
and just being there in it with her.
118
335840
2560
我就在那儿，和她在一起。
05:51
Time slowed down,
119
339760
1200
时间放慢了脚步，
05:53
and the date was irrelevant.
120
341840
1520
日期开始变得模糊。
05:57
We developed a routine.
121
345000
1480
我们设计了新的日常。
05:59
Early each morning I would crawl
into bed with her and sleep with her.
into bed with her and sleep with her.
122
347440
3320
每天早上我都会拱进
她的被窝和她一起。
她的被窝和她一起。
06:03
My brother would come for breakfast
123
351160
1696
我哥哥会
过来一起吃早饭，
过来一起吃早饭，
06:04
and we'd be so glad to hear
his car coming up the driveway.
his car coming up the driveway.
124
352880
2776
当听见他的车驶入车道，
我们会很开心。
我们会很开心。
06:07
So I'd help her up and take both her hands
125
355680
2760
我就会握住她的双手，
扶她起来，
扶她起来，
06:11
and help her walk to the kitchen.
126
359200
1920
带她走到厨房。
06:13
She had this huge mug she made
127
361960
3256
她有这样一个自己做的大马克杯，
06:17
she loved to drink her coffee out of,
128
365240
1800
她喜欢把一大杯咖啡都喝掉，
06:19
and she loved Irish soda bread
for breakfast.
for breakfast.
129
367800
2160
她也喜欢早餐的爱尔兰苏打面包。
06:23
Afterwards was the shower,
130
371600
1376
之后就是洗澡，
06:25
and she loved this part.
131
373000
1256
这是她钟爱的环节。
06:26
She loved the warm water,
132
374280
1536
她享受温暖的水浴，
06:27
so I made this as indulgent as I could,
133
375840
3456
我会尽量帮她放松，
06:31
like a spa.
134
379320
1200
像做 spa 一样。
06:33
My sister would help sometimes.
135
381360
1736
我的姐姐有时会来帮忙。
06:35
We had warm towels
136
383120
2296
我们会快速准备好
06:37
and slippers ready immediately
137
385440
2136
温暖的毛巾和拖鞋，
06:39
so she never got cold for a second.
138
387600
1960
这样她就不会着凉。
06:42
I'd blow-dry her hair.
139
390920
1280
我会吹干她的头发。
06:45
My brothers would come in the evenings
and bring their kids,
and bring their kids,
140
393200
2856
到了晚上，
哥哥们会带着他们的孩子来，
哥哥们会带着他们的孩子来，
06:48
and that was the highlight of her day.
141
396080
1840
那是她一天当中最精彩的部分。
06:51
Over time, we started to use a wheelchair,
142
399080
2320
一段时间以后，我们开始使用轮椅，
06:54
and she didn't want to eat so much,
143
402080
1696
她不再吃那么多，
06:55
and she used the tiniest little teacup
we could find to drink her coffee.
we could find to drink her coffee.
144
403800
5160
她使用我们能找到的
最小的茶杯来喝咖啡。
最小的茶杯来喝咖啡。
07:03
I couldn't support her myself anymore,
145
411120
1856
我一个人已经不足以支持她了，
07:05
so we hired an aide
to help me with the showers.
to help me with the showers.
146
413000
2280
所以我们雇了一个助手
来帮助我为她洗澡。
来帮助我为她洗澡。
07:08
These simple daily activities
147
416440
2616
这些简单的日常活动，
07:11
became our sacred ritual,
148
419080
1760
逐渐变成了一种神圣的仪式，
07:13
and we repeated them day after day
149
421920
1816
随着癌症的扩散，
07:15
as the cancer grew.
150
423760
1200
我们日复一日的重复这些日常。
07:17
It was humbling and painful
151
425560
2136
我们承受着痛苦和卑微，
07:19
and exactly where I wanted to be.
152
427720
3000
但也正是我愿意经受的。
07:24
We called this time "the beautiful awful."
153
432160
2280
我们把这称为“美丽的痛楚“。
07:28
She died on October 26, 2012.
154
436280
3696
她死于2012年10月26日。
07:32
It was a year and three weeks
after her diagnosis.
after her diagnosis.
155
440000
3680
这是离她诊断出癌症
一年零三周之后。
一年零三周之后。
07:36
She was gone.
156
444760
1200
她离开了。
07:41
My brothers, sister, and father and I
157
449520
1976
我的哥哥们，姐姐，父亲还有我，
07:43
all came together in this
supportive and attentive way.
supportive and attentive way.
158
451520
3600
大家一起以这种支持
和关爱的方式一路走来。
和关爱的方式一路走来。
07:47
It was as though our whole family dynamic
159
455903
1953
那就好像是我们整个家庭的动力，
07:49
and all our established roles vanished
160
457880
2056
突然我们所有的角色都消失了，
07:51
and we were just
all together in this unknown,
all together in this unknown,
161
459960
2656
我们就一起面对这全新的未知，
07:54
feeling the same thing
162
462640
1856
怀着相同的感受，
07:56
and taking care of each other.
163
464520
1480
照顾彼此。
07:59
I'm so grateful for them.
164
467640
2280
我真心感激他们。
08:05
As someone who spends most
of my time alone in a studio working,
of my time alone in a studio working,
165
473160
3616
作为一个大部分时间都独自
待在画室工作的人，
待在画室工作的人，
08:08
I had no idea that this kind of connection
166
476800
2856
我以前对这种联系感
08:11
could be so important, so healing.
167
479680
2936
如此重要，如此治愈的联系感，
毫无概念。
毫无概念。
08:14
This was the most important thing.
168
482640
1800
这是最重要的事情。
08:18
It was what I always wanted.
169
486120
1400
这就是我一直追寻的。
08:21
So after the funeral, it was time
for me to go back to my studio.
for me to go back to my studio.
170
489160
4760
在葬礼之后，
我就该回到我的画室了。
我就该回到我的画室了。
08:27
So I packed up my car
and I drove back to Brooklyn,
and I drove back to Brooklyn,
171
495600
2816
所以我就收拾好车，
开回了布鲁克林，
开回了布鲁克林，
08:30
and painting is what I've always done,
so that's what I did.
so that's what I did.
172
498440
2920
绘画是我一直以来从事的，
也是我之后会一直做的。
也是我之后会一直做的。
08:34
And here's what happened.
173
502400
1280
然后一些事情发生了：
08:39
It's like a release of everything
that was unraveling in me.
that was unraveling in me.
174
507120
4360
我感到了身体中的释放感。
08:45
That safe, very, very carefully
rendered safe place
rendered safe place
175
513919
4976
那个我在其他画作中，
精心创造出的安全之地，
08:50
that I created in all my other paintings,
176
518919
2937
08:53
it was a myth.
177
521880
1255
烟消云散。
08:55
It didn't work.
178
523159
1201
它不再起作用了。
08:57
And I was afraid, because
I didn't want to paint anymore.
I didn't want to paint anymore.
179
525280
2800
我很害怕，
我不想再画下去了。
我不想再画下去了。
09:03
So I went into the woods.
180
531120
1456
所以我跑进了小树林里。
09:04
I thought, I'll try that, going outside.
181
532600
3616
我想着，尝试出去画。
09:08
I got my paints,
and I wasn't a landscape painter,
and I wasn't a landscape painter,
182
536240
3816
我带上颜料，
但我并非风景画家，
但我并非风景画家，
09:12
but I wasn't really
much of any kind of painter at all,
much of any kind of painter at all,
183
540080
2616
其实我什么画家也不是，
没有附属感，没有期望感，
09:14
so I had no attachment, no expectation,
184
542720
2496
09:17
which allowed me to be reckless and free.
185
545240
3056
这让我可以完全自由，
不计后果地创作。
不计后果地创作。
09:20
I actually left one of these wet paintings
186
548320
2056
我留了一副未干的画，
09:22
outside overnight
187
550400
1920
在外面过夜，
09:25
next to a light in the woods.
188
553000
3176
把它放在了
小树林中一盏路灯的旁边。
小树林中一盏路灯的旁边。
09:28
By the morning it was lacquered with bugs.
189
556200
2960
等到第二天早上很多
虫子都被漆在画里了。
虫子都被漆在画里了。
09:32
But I didn't care.
It didn't matter. It didn't matter.
It didn't matter. It didn't matter.
190
560520
2616
但我并不关心，
我对此感到毫无所谓。
我对此感到毫无所谓。
09:35
I took all these paintings
back to my studio,
back to my studio,
191
563160
2376
我把这些画都带回了我的画室，
09:37
and scraped them, and carved into them,
192
565560
2656
我在画上进行刮刻，
09:40
and poured paint thinner on them,
193
568240
2496
我把涂料稀释剂倒在画上，
09:42
put more paint on top, drew on them.
194
570760
2296
倒更多的染料在上面，
在顶层作画。
在顶层作画。
09:45
I had no plan,
195
573080
1200
我毫无计划，
09:47
but I was watching what was happening.
196
575320
1810
但我看到了发生的一切。
09:50
This is the one with all the bugs in it.
197
578680
1905
这就是当时那幅有
好多小虫在里面的画。
好多小虫在里面的画。
09:53
I wasn't trying to represent a real space.
198
581960
2136
我没有尝试去创作真实的空间。
09:56
It was the chaos and the imperfections
that were fascinating me,
that were fascinating me,
199
584120
4456
是其中的混乱感和
不完整感让我感到着迷，
不完整感让我感到着迷，
10:00
and something started to happen.
200
588600
1680
随后一些事情发生了。
10:03
I got curious again.
201
591680
1480
我的好奇心回来了。
10:06
This is another one from the woods.
202
594320
2200
这是在小树林里的另一幅画。
10:10
There was a caveat now, though.
203
598320
1816
不过现在多了一份解释。
10:12
I couldn't be controlling
the paint like I used to.
the paint like I used to.
204
600160
2936
我无法像以前一样
去控制我所画的。
去控制我所画的。
10:15
It had to be about implying
and suggesting,
and suggesting,
205
603120
3016
我需要去暗示，启发，
10:18
not explaining or describing.
206
606160
2720
而非解释，描述。
10:21
And that imperfect,
chaotic, turbulent surface
chaotic, turbulent surface
207
609760
4256
那不完美的，混沌的，
湍流的表面
湍流的表面
10:26
is what told the story.
208
614040
1800
给我们讲述了故事的经过。
10:30
I started to be as curious
as I was when I was a student.
as I was when I was a student.
209
618240
3200
我开始变得好奇，
就像我学生时代那样。
就像我学生时代那样。
10:34
So the next thing was I wanted
to put figures in these paintings, people,
to put figures in these paintings, people,
210
622000
4096
所以，我开始想把人物
放进这些绘画当中，
放进这些绘画当中，
10:38
and I loved this new environment,
211
626120
1776
我喜欢这个新的环境，
10:39
so I wanted to have
both people and this atmosphere.
both people and this atmosphere.
212
627920
4280
我希望人物和这环境融为一体。
10:45
When the idea hit me of how to do this,
213
633760
2136
当这种想法降临，
10:47
I got kind of nauseous and dizzy,
214
635920
2776
我感到了恶心和眩晕，
10:50
which is really just adrenaline, probably,
215
638720
2856
可能只是因为肾上腺素的原因，
10:53
but for me it's a really good sign.
216
641600
2936
但这对我来说是一个好的迹象。
10:56
And so now I want to show you
what I've been working on.
what I've been working on.
217
644560
3136
所以，我现在想展示给
你们我最近从事的作品。
你们我最近从事的作品。
10:59
It's something I haven't shown yet,
and it's like a preview, I guess,
and it's like a preview, I guess,
218
647720
4056
这是一些我还没来得及
展示的，我想，就把它当作
展示的，我想，就把它当作
11:03
of my upcoming show,
219
651800
1256
我即将到来的画展预告吧。
11:05
what I have so far.
220
653080
1200
迄今为止，
11:08
Expansive space
221
656280
1680
这广阔的空间，
11:11
instead of the isolated bathtub.
222
659000
2080
而非孤立的浴室。
11:13
I'm going outside instead of inside.
223
661480
2160
我要出去，而非进来。
11:17
Loosening control,
224
665480
1200
放开控制感，
11:19
savoring the imperfections,
225
667880
2016
体味不完整，
11:21
allowing the --
226
669920
1200
允许－
11:24
allowing the imperfections.
227
672160
1680
允许那些不完整。
11:27
And in that imperfection,
228
675680
1656
在那些不完整中，
11:29
you can find a vulnerability.
229
677360
1896
你能找寻到脆弱。
11:31
I could feel my deepest intention,
what matters most to me,
what matters most to me,
230
679280
4160
我能感知到我最深处
的意图，对我最重要的，
的意图，对我最重要的，
11:38
that human connection
231
686000
1200
是那些发生在开阔空间
中的，毫无抵抗和控制的，
中的，毫无抵抗和控制的，
11:40
that can happen in a space
where there's no resisting or controlling.
where there's no resisting or controlling.
232
688400
3920
人与人之间的联系。
11:45
I want to make paintings about that.
233
693560
1715
我想要对此作画。
11:50
So here's what I learned.
234
698280
1280
这就是我学到的。
11:53
We're all going to have
big losses in our lives,
big losses in our lives,
235
701240
3000
我们都会经历人生中的重创，
11:57
maybe a job or a career,
236
705000
2056
也许是一份工作，事业，
11:59
relationships, love, our youth.
237
707080
3280
关系，爱，我们的青春。
12:03
We're going to lose our health,
238
711520
2216
我们终究丧失健康，
12:05
people we love.
239
713760
1200
我们爱的人。
12:08
These kinds of losses
are out of our control.
are out of our control.
240
716240
2416
这些失去都不是
我们能控制的。
我们能控制的。
12:10
They're unpredictable,
241
718680
1200
它们是无法预测的，
12:12
and they bring us to our knees.
242
720720
1600
它们让我们跪倒在地，
12:15
And so I say, let them.
243
723520
2000
所以我说，让它们来吧。
12:18
Fall to your knees. Be humbled.
244
726840
2560
跪倒在地，变得谦逊。
12:22
Let go of trying to change it
245
730920
1720
我们应该放弃改变它，
12:25
or even wanting it to be different.
246
733280
1680
或是希望它变得不同。
12:27
It just is.
247
735440
1360
让它那样吧。
12:31
And then there's space,
248
739160
1456
在那种时刻，
12:32
and in that space feel your vulnerability,
249
740640
3176
尝试感知你的脆弱，
12:35
what matters most to you,
250
743840
1696
去想对你最重要的事，
12:37
your deepest intention.
251
745560
1680
你心底的意图。
12:40
And be curious to connect
252
748640
1680
抱着好奇的心里，
12:43
to what and who is really here,
253
751600
3120
与周围活生生的事物和人，
12:47
awake and alive.
254
755440
1800
联系起来。
12:50
It's what we all want.
255
758120
1360
这就是我们所需要的。
12:52
Let's take the opportunity
to find something beautiful
to find something beautiful
256
760800
3120
让我们把握机会，
去发现那些存在于
去发现那些存在于
12:56
in the unknown, in the unpredictable,
257
764720
2960
未知，不可预测，
13:00
and even in the awful.
258
768760
1320
甚至可怕的事物中的美吧！
13:03
Thank you.
259
771320
1216
谢谢。
13:04
(Applause)
260
772560
3079
（掌声）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Alyssa Monks - PainterAlyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface.
Why you should listen
Alyssa Monks blurs the line between abstraction and realism through layering different spaces and moments in her paintings. Using semi-transparent filters of glass, vinyl, steam and water to flip background and foreground in her 10-year water series, she seduced the viewer into shallow spaces. Today, she is imposing a transparent landscape of infinite space over her emotionally evocative subjects.
The tension in her mostly large-scale paintings is sustained not only by the composition but also by the surface treatment itself. Each brushstroke is thickly applied oil paint, like a fossil recording every gesture and decision, expressing the energetic and empathic experience of the handmade object.
Monks's work is represented by Forum Gallery in New York City. She lives and paints in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Her latest solo exhibition "Resolution" took place March and April of 2016 at Forum Gallery. Monks's paintings have been the subject of numerous solo and group exhibitions including "Intimacy" at the Kunst Museum in Ahlen, Germany and "Reconfiguring the Body in American Art, 1820–2009" at the National Academy Museum of Fine Arts, New York. Her work is represented in public and private collections, including the Savannah College of Arts, the Somerset Art Association, Fullerton College, the Seavest Collection and the collections of Eric Fischl, Howard Tullman, Gerrity Lansing, Danielle Steele, Alec Baldwin and Luciano Benetton.
Born 1977 in New Jersey, Monks began oil painting as a child. She studied at The New School in New York and Montclair State University and earned her B.A. from Boston College in 1999. During this time she studied painting at Lorenzo de’ Medici in Florence. She went on to earn her M.F.A from the New York Academy of Art, Graduate School of Figurative Art in 2001. She completed an artist in residency at Fullerton College in 2006 and has lectured and taught at universities and institutions nationwide. She continues to offer workshops and lectures regularly.
Monks has been awarded the Elizabeth Greenshields Foundation Grant for Painting three times and serves as a member of the New York Academy of Art's Board of Trustees.
Alyssa Monks | Speaker | TED.com