The Way We Work
Amy Nicole Baker: 7 common questions about workplace romance
艾咪‧貝克: 職場戀情常見的七個問題
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你該和同事約會嗎？職場伴侶應否將戀情保密？為何同事間經常會互相吸引呢？組織心理學家艾咪妮可‧貝克分享了關於職場戀情經常提及的問題與答案。
Amy Nicole Baker - Organizational psychologist
Amy Nicole Baker is an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Haven. Full bio
Amy Nicole Baker is an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Haven. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:00
Workplace romance can be a tricky topic.
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辨公室戀情可能會是個棘手的問題。
00:02
(Music)
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（音樂）
00:03
[The Way We Work]
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[我們的工作方式]
00:05
How do we manage the boundaries
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我們如何去處理
個人與職場生活的界限呢？
00:06
between our personal
and professional lives?
and professional lives?
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00:08
How do we deal with gender imbalances
and power dynamics in the workplace?
and power dynamics in the workplace?
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又如何去處理職場中性別失衡
和權力角力的問題呢？
和權力角力的問題呢？
00:12
There's a lot of gray area
in workplace romance.
in workplace romance.
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辨公室戀情存有許多灰色地帶。
00:15
I'd like to take a few minutes
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我想花上幾分鐘
00:16
and answer some of your
frequently asked questions.
frequently asked questions.
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來回答一些大家常提出的問題。
00:18
So, question one:
Should I date my coworker?
Should I date my coworker?
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問題一：我是否該與同事約會？
00:22
Uh ... it depends.
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嗯……要看情況。
00:24
Do you want to date
your coworker for a bit of fun?
your coworker for a bit of fun?
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你與同事約會是為了開心嗎？
00:26
Do you want to date
your coworker to hook up?
your coworker to hook up?
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還是只想和同事玩玩？
如果是這樣你不如去 Tinder。
00:28
Because then you're really
better off on Tinder.
better off on Tinder.
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如果你想與同事約會
00:31
If you want to date your coworker
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是因為你真心的愛上他，
00:32
because you really, sincerely think
you're falling in love with them
you're falling in love with them
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或有一個長期潛在真誠的感情關係，
00:36
or there's a real potential
for a long-term, committed relationship,
for a long-term, committed relationship,
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00:39
maybe you should date your coworker.
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也許你該與那同事約會。
00:41
Studies show that your coworkers
are generally positive about it
are generally positive about it
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研究顯示，你的同事普遍會贊同，
00:44
if they perceive
that you're falling in love
that you're falling in love
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只要他們認為你們已經墜入愛河，
00:46
and genuinely care about each other.
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同時真誠地彼此關懷。
00:49
It's when your coworkers sense
that something else is in play --
that something else is in play --
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但當你的同事察覺到
你們的感情並不單純，
你們的感情並不單純，
那你可能會遇到阻礙。
00:52
that can be disruptive.
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00:53
Question two:
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問題二：
00:54
Should I date my boss?
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我是否該與上司約會？
00:56
In almost all cases, no,
you should not date your boss,
you should not date your boss,
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在絕大多數的情況中，
你不應該與上司約會，
你不應該與上司約會，
00:59
because now, you've got a power dynamic.
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否則你將陷入動盪的權力漩渦。
01:01
When there's a relationship
between a boss and a subordinate,
between a boss and a subordinate,
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上司與部屬發展戀情
01:04
it generates a lot of negative feelings,
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會產生很多負面情緒，
01:06
and the negative feelings
tend to fall on the person
tend to fall on the person
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那負面情緒大多發生在
01:09
who's lower on the totem pole.
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權力較低的一方身上。
01:10
People usually assume
some kind of favoritism,
some kind of favoritism,
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人們通常會出現某種偏袒，
01:13
some kind of inside knowledge,
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和內在的常識，
01:15
and there can be resentment
stirred up by that.
stirred up by that.
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因而激起怨恨。
01:17
There was a study published last year
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去年的調查報告顯示，
01:19
that suggested dating a superior can even
have a negative impact on your career.
have a negative impact on your career.
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與上司約會可能會
對你的職涯產生負面影響。
對你的職涯產生負面影響。
01:24
The researchers asked
third-party evaluators online
third-party evaluators online
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研究要求網路上的第三方評估員，
01:27
to imagine that they worked at a law firm.
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想像他們在一家法律事務所工作。
01:29
They asked them to make recommendations
on which employee should get picked
on which employee should get picked
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請他們建議哪個員工應該被推薦
01:33
for a special training program
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參加特殊的訓練計畫，
01:35
and which should get promoted to partner.
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以及誰該被晉升為合夥人。
01:37
They looked at credentials
for imaginary employees,
for imaginary employees,
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他們看了虛構員工們的資歷，
01:40
and when it was stated
that an employee had been dating
that an employee had been dating
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同時被告知有一名員工
01:43
or was in a relationship with a superior,
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曾經與上司約會或有戀情時，
01:46
the evaluators were less likely to pick
that person for the training program
that person for the training program
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評估者們都不大願意讓
該名員工進入訓練計畫，
該名員工進入訓練計畫，
01:50
or the promotion,
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或者獲得晉升，
01:51
even if they had the exact
same credentials
same credentials
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即使他們與其他人
有著完全一樣的資歷，
有著完全一樣的資歷，
01:54
as someone who wasn't dating their boss.
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01:57
The evaluators were also quick
to dismiss their accomplishments.
to dismiss their accomplishments.
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評估者很快就抹煞他們的貢獻。
02:00
Question three:
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問題三：
02:02
Can I date someone who reports to me?
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我是否該跟我的下屬約會？
02:04
Still a big no.
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依舊是否定的。
02:05
You may not feel like
you're really the boss, right?
you're really the boss, right?
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你也許不會感覺到
你真的是上司，對吧？
你真的是上司，對吧？
02:09
But you are, and there's
a power dynamic there
a power dynamic there
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但你是，而你們之間存在的權力關係，
02:11
that's simply not there for other couples.
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其他的伴侶卻沒有這個問題。
02:13
If you really believe there is a sincere,
honestly felt, personal connection
honestly felt, personal connection
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如果你確信這是種真誠的情感相連，
02:20
that would be lasting and meaningful,
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可導致有意義和長久的交往時，
02:22
one of you may need to move,
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那麼你們當中的一人，就需要離職，
02:24
and it shouldn't always be the person
who's lower in the company pecking order.
who's lower in the company pecking order.
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而離開的也不應該總是下屬。
02:29
Question four:
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問題四：
02:30
I've just started seeing a coworker.
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我剛見到一位員工與同事約會，
02:32
How do we handle things?
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又應該如何處理呢？
02:34
I get this question a lot.
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這個問題我常碰到。
02:35
"Are they dating? Are they not dating?"
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「他們是否在約會？」
02:37
Don't keep it a secret.
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你無需保守這個秘密。
02:38
You don't have to make a big deal of it,
but secrecy tends to be corrosive.
but secrecy tends to be corrosive.
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也不必小題大作，
但保密常會帶來不好的影響。
但保密常會帶來不好的影響。
02:42
People tend to see workplace couples
as a coalition or a unit,
as a coalition or a unit,
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人們通常會把職場伴侶
看成是一個聯合體。
看成是一個聯合體。
02:46
so try to make it clear to your coworkers
that you're not the same person;
that you're not the same person;
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因此你們需要向同事澄清，
說明兩人仍是獨立個體，
說明兩人仍是獨立個體，
02:50
you love each other,
but you are going to disagree.
but you are going to disagree.
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雖然相愛，但對事物的
看法不見得相同。
看法不見得相同。
02:53
Question five:
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問題五：
02:54
Why are coworkers
often attracted to each other?
often attracted to each other?
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為什麽同事間經常會互相吸引呢？
02:57
Well, the obvious answer is people
tend to be attracted to each other
tend to be attracted to each other
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顯而易見的答案是，人常會對
長時間接觸的人產生好感。
長時間接觸的人產生好感。
03:01
the more time they spend together.
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03:03
But there's another ingredient
that has to be added:
that has to be added:
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但還有另一個因素需要考慮：
03:05
attraction tends to happen
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在工作上需要緊密合作時，
就會產生互相吸引的力量。
就會產生互相吸引的力量。
03:07
when there's work that demands
close collaboration.
close collaboration.
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03:10
So imagine you have a big group project
with a tight deadline
with a tight deadline
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想像一下，你有個大型團隊計畫，
已經臨近截止期限了，
已經臨近截止期限了，
03:14
and you're working late nights
and brainstorming ideas.
and brainstorming ideas.
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一組人正在絞盡腦汁，直到深夜。
03:17
You look up, and across the table,
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正當你向桌子對面望去，
03:19
one of your colleagues throws out
a really great idea.
a really great idea.
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某位同事抛出了一個很棒的主意。
03:22
You may feel something,
and that's natural.
and that's natural.
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你對他可能就有了好感，這很正常。
03:25
We call this task interdependence.
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我們稱之為相互依賴。
這個成熟的時機造就了相互吸引。
03:27
It's a ripe ground for attraction.
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03:29
The second reason why people at work
are attracted to each other
are attracted to each other
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第二個人們在工作中
互相吸引的原因，
互相吸引的原因，
03:33
is they may often be
similar to each other.
similar to each other.
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是兩人經常感到跟對方的
行事為人很相近。
行事為人很相近。
03:36
There's two old adages:
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正好配合兩句古老的格言
03:37
"Birds of a feather flock together."
And "Opposites attract."
And "Opposites attract."
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「 物以類聚」與「異性相吸」。
03:41
Well, the psychological
research suggests ...
research suggests ...
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心理學研究表明......
03:44
birds of a feather flock together,
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相同羽毛的雀鳥會聚集一起，
03:46
and we like people who are like us.
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我們人類也是。
03:48
Question six:
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問題六：
03:49
My coworkers are flirting.
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兩個同事在打情駡俏。
03:51
I'm annoyed. What do I do?
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我覺得有點煩，怎麼辦？
03:53
Some researchers argue
that for people flirting at work,
that for people flirting at work,
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一些研究顯示，在工作中
有打情駡俏的情況是好事，
有打情駡俏的情況是好事，
03:57
flirting is good and it boosts creativity.
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可促進創造力。
03:59
But my own research suggests
things are different
things are different
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但在我的研究裡，
04:02
for people who are watching
or who are subjected to the flirting.
or who are subjected to the flirting.
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這對於那些旁觀者
或被挑逗的人來說卻是另一碼事。
或被挑逗的人來說卻是另一碼事。
04:06
It can be awkward, right?
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會感覺得很尷尬吧？
04:08
Witnessing flirtation in the workplace
creates a sense of not knowing the rules,
creates a sense of not knowing the rules,
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在職場中碰到打情駡俏，
讓人感覺不懂規矩，
讓人感覺不懂規矩，
04:12
not knowing what's going on,
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也不知發生什麼事，
04:14
or maybe seeing something
that you shouldn't be seeing.
that you shouldn't be seeing.
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或許看見了些不該看到的事情。
04:17
People who frequently witness
flirting at work --
flirting at work --
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經常在工作上遇見同事間調情的人
04:19
they actually report feeling
less satisfied in their jobs,
less satisfied in their jobs,
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會反映自己對工作感到不太滿意，
04:22
and they feel less valued
by their company.
by their company.
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並覺得公司不太看重他們。
04:25
They're more likely to give a negative
appraisal of the work environment,
appraisal of the work environment,
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他們容易給予工作環境負面評價，
04:28
and they may even consider leaving.
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甚至會考慮離職。
04:30
For women, this association
can be even stronger.
can be even stronger.
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對女性的影響更甚。
04:33
This appears to be the case
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這似乎是常態，
04:34
even when people report
not being bothered by the flirting.
not being bothered by the flirting.
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即使有些人認為打情駡俏
對他們沒有影響，
對他們沒有影響，
04:38
It's true even when they say
they enjoy it.
they enjoy it.
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就算他們說自己享受其中也不例外。
04:40
So, a flirtatious environment
really could be toxic.
really could be toxic.
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事實上，有打情罵俏
存在的環境是有害的。
存在的環境是有害的。
04:44
Question seven:
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問題七：
04:45
Do I need a policy
on workplace relationships?
on workplace relationships?
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我們是否需要訂立
職場戀情的規定呢？
職場戀情的規定呢？
04:48
You certainly need a policy
on a sexual harassment,
on a sexual harassment,
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關於性騷擾的規定一定要有，
04:50
and I think most HR departments
recognize that.
recognize that.
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大多數人事部門都認可這點。
04:53
But for the kind of consensual
behavior we've been talking about,
behavior we've been talking about,
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但對於我們談論的兩廂情願行為，
那就有些不同。
04:56
it's a little different.
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04:57
As much as people in HR
would love to wave a magic wand
would love to wave a magic wand
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人事部門會想魔杖一揮，
05:01
and say, "Thou shall not
fall in love at work,"
fall in love at work,"
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然後說：「職場上不應該談戀愛」，
05:04
it's just not realistic.
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真是太不務實了。
05:05
Emotional connection
and sexuality is who we are.
and sexuality is who we are.
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情感連結與性欲是人之常情。
05:09
I kind of want you
to flip the script a little bit.
to flip the script a little bit.
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我盼望你們從另一個角度去思考。
05:11
I encourage HR
to really think more broadly
to really think more broadly
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我鼓勵人事部門同事想法開放一點，
05:15
about their role in not necessarily
stamping out office romance,
stamping out office romance,
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不必壓制職場上的戀情，
05:19
because I don't think that's realistic,
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因為這種做法並不實際，
05:21
but how do I help create
a workplace climate and culture
a workplace climate and culture
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但我們又應該如何打造
職場的氣氛和文化，
職場的氣氛和文化，
05:25
where people feel respected
for their individual contributions,
for their individual contributions,
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使每個同事都感到
他作出的貢獻是受重視的，
他作出的貢獻是受重視的，
05:29
not for their appearance or their gender,
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並不是倚靠他們的外表或性別，
05:32
or their personal relationships?
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或人情關係？
05:34
So the larger question is,
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更重要的問題是，
05:36
how do you make sure
people are valued and respected?
people are valued and respected?
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你該如何保證同事
受到重視且得到尊重？
受到重視且得到尊重？
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Amy Nicole Baker - Organizational psychologistAmy Nicole Baker is an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Haven.
Why you should listen
Amy Nicole Baker received a Ph.D. in industrial and organizational psychology from the University of Maryland. Her research interests are in workplace romance, organizational climate, perceptions of women in the workplace and dual-earner couples. Her work has been published in some of the top journals in her field, including the Journal of Applied Psychology and Educational and Psychological Measurement.
Amy Nicole Baker | Speaker | TED.com