TED@Westpac
Michelle Knox: Talk about your death while you're still healthy
蜜雪兒納克斯: 在還健康的時候談論死亡
Filmed:
Readability: 4.1
1,338,468 views
你知道死時你想要什麼嗎？你知道你希望人們如何記得你嗎？蜜雪兒納克斯這場坦率、窩心的演說，主題是大部分人不願討論的「死」。她請我們每個人從死亡來反思我們的核心價值，並將這些價值與所愛的人分享，這樣他們才能根據資訊來做決定，不會害怕未能遵照我們的遺願。納克斯說：「如果我們現在就談論死亡，生命會容易許多。」「我們應該在我們還強健、健康的時候就討論這些議題，才能不受情緒影響。我們不只能學到什麼重要，還有它為什麼很重要。」
Michelle Knox - Project and change professional
Westpac's Michelle Knox has led large-scale transformation programs in the UK, Ireland and Australia. Full bio
Westpac's Michelle Knox has led large-scale transformation programs in the UK, Ireland and Australia. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
To kick the bucket,
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踢開桶子、
00:14
bite the dust,
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咬土、
00:16
cash in your chips,
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把籌碼兌成錢、
00:18
check out, depart, expire,
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退房、離去、過期、
00:21
launch into eternity ...
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朝永恆出發…
00:24
These are all euphemisms we use in humor
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這些都是我們使用的幽默婉轉說法，
00:27
to describe the one life event
we are all going to experience:
we are all going to experience:
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用來描述所有人都將會
經歷的一項人生大事：
經歷的一項人生大事：
00:32
death.
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死亡。
00:34
But most of us don't want
to acknowledge death,
to acknowledge death,
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但我們大部分人都不想答理死亡，
00:37
we don't want to plan for it,
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我們不想為死亡做規劃，
00:39
and we don't want to discuss it with
the most important people in our lives.
the most important people in our lives.
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我們不想和我們生命中
最重要的人討論死亡。
最重要的人討論死亡。
00:44
I grew up in an Australian community
where people got old or sick
where people got old or sick
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我在澳洲社區長大，
在那裡，人們變老或生病，
在那裡，人們變老或生病，
00:47
and passed away,
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然後過世，
00:48
and only the adults attended the funeral.
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只有成人會出席葬禮。
00:51
My parents would come home
looking sad and drained,
looking sad and drained,
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我父母回家時，
看起來很悲傷、精疲力竭，
看起來很悲傷、精疲力竭，
00:54
but they didn't discuss it with us.
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但他們不會和我們談這些事。
00:56
So I was ignorant to death
and of the grieving process.
and of the grieving process.
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所以我對於死亡以及
哀悼過程是很無知的。
哀悼過程是很無知的。
01:01
At 15, I got my invitation.
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在十五歲時，我收到了邀請。
01:03
A dear neighbor who was like an aunt to me
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一個對我而言像是阿姨一樣親的鄰居
01:06
died suddenly of a heart attack,
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因為心臟病發而突然過世，
01:08
and I attended my first funeral
and did my first reading.
and did my first reading.
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那是我第一次參加葬禮，
第一次朗讀。
第一次朗讀。
01:12
I didn't know the tightness in my chest
and the dryness in my mouth was normal.
and the dryness in my mouth was normal.
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我不知道胸口很緊、
嘴巴很乾的感覺是正常的。
嘴巴很乾的感覺是正常的。
01:18
The celebrant got some of the facts wrong,
and it made me really angry.
and it made me really angry.
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主持儀式的人把一些事實
弄錯了，讓我很生氣。
弄錯了，讓我很生氣。
01:23
He talked about how she loved knitting.
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他談到她有多熱愛編織。
01:28
Knitting.
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編織。
01:29
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:30
He didn't mention that, at 75,
she still mowed her own lawn,
she still mowed her own lawn,
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他沒有提到，在 75 歲時，
她仍然自己刈自己的草坪，
她仍然自己刈自己的草坪，
01:34
built an amazing fish pond
in her front yard
in her front yard
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在她的前院建了個很了不起的魚池，
01:36
and made her own ginger beer.
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她還會自己做薑汁汽水。
01:39
I'm pretty sure "keen knitter"
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我很確定，「編織熱愛者」
01:41
isn't what she would
have chosen for her eulogy.
have chosen for her eulogy.
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不會是她想要的悼詞。
01:44
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:46
I believe if we discuss death
as part of day-to-day living,
as part of day-to-day living,
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我相信，如果我們能
在日常中討論死亡，
在日常中討論死亡，
01:49
we give ourselves the opportunity
to reflect on our core values,
to reflect on our core values,
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就能給自己機會來
反思我們的核心價值，
反思我們的核心價值，
01:52
share them with our loved ones,
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並和我們所愛的人分享這些，
01:54
and then our survivors
can make informed decisions
can make informed decisions
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然後我們尚在世的家人
就可以做出有根據的的決定，
就可以做出有根據的的決定，
01:58
without fear or regret
of having failed to honor our legacy.
of having failed to honor our legacy.
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不會害怕或後悔
沒有尊重到自己的傳承。
沒有尊重到自己的傳承。
02:04
I am blessed to lead a wonderful,
culturally diverse team,
culturally diverse team,
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我很有福氣，能夠領導一個
美好且有著文化多樣性的團隊，
美好且有著文化多樣性的團隊，
02:08
and in the last 12 months,
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在過去十二個月中，
02:09
we've lost five parents,
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我們失去了五個父母親，
02:11
including my own father,
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包括我自己的父親，
02:13
and most recently, a former colleague
who died at 41 from bowel cancer.
who died at 41 from bowel cancer.
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最近，一位前同事因為腸癌，
才 41 歲就過世了。
才 41 歲就過世了。
02:19
We started having
open and frank conversations
open and frank conversations
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我們開始進行開放且坦白的對談，
02:21
about what we were experiencing.
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談我們所經歷的。
02:24
We talked about the practical stuff,
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我們談到了實際的情況，
02:26
the stuff no one prepares you for:
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沒有人幫你準備面對的事：
02:29
dealing with government agencies,
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需打交道的包括政府機關、
02:31
hospitals, nursing homes,
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醫院、療養院、
02:33
advanced care directives,
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預後指示、
02:34
funeral directors
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禮儀師，
02:36
and extended family members,
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以及大家庭的成員；
02:39
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
02:40
making decisions about coffins,
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決定用哪種棺材、
02:43
headstones,
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墓碑、
02:44
headstone wording,
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墓碑上的字、
02:45
headstone font size,
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墓碑上的字體大小，
02:47
all while sleep-deprived.
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都在睡眠不足時要決定。
02:50
We also discussed some of the issues
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我們也討論了一些議題，
02:52
triggered by our various
cultural backgrounds,
cultural backgrounds,
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我們各種文化背景所觸發的議題，
02:55
and we realized there can be
some significant differences
some significant differences
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我們發現，在我們如何對過世的愛人
02:58
in how we honor
the passing of a loved one.
the passing of a loved one.
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展現敬意上，可以造成明顯的不同。
03:01
A great example of this
is "Sorry Business,"
is "Sorry Business,"
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一個很好的例子是「遺憾事業」，
03:04
practiced by Aboriginal
and Torres Strait Islander people.
and Torres Strait Islander people.
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它是原住民以及托雷斯
海峽群島人所用的儀式。
海峽群島人所用的儀式。
03:07
During Sorry Business,
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在遺憾事業的過程中，
03:10
family members will take on
specific roles and responsibilities,
specific roles and responsibilities,
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家庭成員要承擔特定的角色和責任，
03:13
protocols such as limiting
the use of photographs,
the use of photographs,
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照片使用限制等等禮儀，
03:16
saying the name of the deceased,
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說出死者的名字，
03:19
and holding a smoking ceremony
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並舉辦一項煙儀式，
03:21
are all a sign of respect and allow
for a peaceful transition of the spirit.
for a peaceful transition of the spirit.
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這些都是尊敬的象徵，
並讓亡靈能平靜地轉換。
並讓亡靈能平靜地轉換。
03:26
These customs can be a complete contrast
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這些習俗很可能
03:28
to those we might practice
in Western cultures,
in Western cultures,
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和西方文化的儀式完全相反，
03:31
where we would honor
the memory of a loved one
the memory of a loved one
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在西方，我們對愛人的記憶
表示敬意的方式，
表示敬意的方式，
03:33
by talking about them
and sharing photographs.
and sharing photographs.
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是談論他們、分享他們的照片。
03:37
So my lesson from this last year is,
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過去一年我學到的是，
03:39
life would be a lot easier to live
if we talked about death now,
if we talked about death now,
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如果我們現在就談論死亡，
生命就會容易許多，
生命就會容易許多，
03:45
while we're healthy.
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當我們還健康時就談。
03:47
For most of us, we wait
until we are too emotional,
until we are too emotional,
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我們大部分的人都會
等到太情緒化的時候，
等到太情緒化的時候，
03:50
too ill
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太病的時候，
03:52
or too physically exhausted --
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或身體太疲累的時候，
03:55
and then it's too late.
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那就太晚了。
03:57
Isn't it time we started taking ownership
of our finale on this earth?
of our finale on this earth?
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該是我們開始掌控我們在地球上的
終曲的時候了，不是嗎？
終曲的時候了，不是嗎？
04:03
So let's get going.
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我們就開始吧。
04:05
Do you know what you want when you die?
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你知道當你死時你想要什麼嗎？
04:08
Do you know how you want to be remembered?
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你知道你希望人們
記得你是怎樣的嗎？
記得你是怎樣的嗎？
04:10
Is location important?
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地點重要嗎？
04:13
Do you want to be near the ocean
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你想要靠近海洋
04:15
or in the ocean?
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或是在海洋中？
04:16
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:18
Do you want a religious service
or an informal party,
or an informal party,
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你想要宗教儀式還是非正式的聚會？
04:22
or do you want to go out with a bang,
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還是你想要轟轟烈烈地走，
04:24
literally, in a firework?
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就是字面上的意思，放煙火？
04:27
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:28
When it comes to death,
there's so much to discuss,
there's so much to discuss,
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說到死亡，有好多要討論的，
04:31
but I want to focus on two aspects:
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但我想要把焦點放在兩個面向上：
04:33
why talking about and planning your death
can help you experience a good death,
can help you experience a good death,
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為什麼談論和規劃你的死亡，
能夠協助你體驗好的死亡，
能夠協助你體驗好的死亡，
04:39
and then reduce the stress
on your loved ones;
on your loved ones;
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並減輕你所愛的人的壓力；
04:41
and how talking about death can help us
support those who are grieving.
support those who are grieving.
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以及談論死亡如何能
協助我們支持哀悼的人。
協助我們支持哀悼的人。
04:45
So let's start with planning.
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所以，咱們從規劃開始。
04:48
How many of you have a will?
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在座有哪些人有遺囑？
04:50
Put your hand up.
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請舉手。
04:51
Oh, this is fantastic.
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喔，真棒。
04:53
In Australia, 45 percent
of adults over the age of 18
of adults over the age of 18
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在澳洲，18 歲以上的成人，有 45%
04:58
do not have a legal will.
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沒有法定遺囑。
05:01
You're a little bit above average.
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你們比平均高一些。
05:03
This is a startling statistic
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這個統計數字蠻驚人的，
05:06
given that writing a will can actually
be quite simple and inexpensive.
be quite simple and inexpensive.
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因為寫遺囑其實
很簡單且不用花什麼錢。
很簡單且不用花什麼錢。
05:10
So I started asking
my friends and neighbors
my friends and neighbors
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所以我開始問我的朋友和鄰居，
05:12
and was really surprised to learn
many of them don't have a will,
many of them don't have a will,
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讓我驚訝的是，他們當中
好多人都沒有立遺囑，
好多人都沒有立遺囑，
05:16
and some couples don't realize
they need individual wills.
they need individual wills.
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有些夫妻不知道他們
需要立個別的遺囑。
需要立個別的遺囑。
05:19
The usual explanation was, well,
it's all going to go to my partner anyway.
it's all going to go to my partner anyway.
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他們通常都這樣解釋：嗯，
反正遺產都會到我另一半那邊。
反正遺產都會到我另一半那邊。
05:24
So keep in mind that laws vary
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請牢記在心，每個州、
05:26
from state to state
and country to country,
and country to country,
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每個國家的法律都不一樣，
05:29
but this is what happens
in New South Wales
in New South Wales
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在新南威爾斯州，
05:31
if you die without leaving a legal will.
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若你死時沒有遺囑，
05:35
Firstly, a suitable administrator
must be appointed
must be appointed
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首先，必須要指派
一個適合的遺產管理人，
一個適合的遺產管理人，
05:38
by the Supreme Court of New South Wales.
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新南威爾斯州最高法院會負責指派。
05:41
Chances are this is someone
who would never have met the deceased.
who would never have met the deceased.
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有可能被指派的人是
完全沒見過死者的人。
完全沒見過死者的人。
05:45
That person is then responsible
for arranging your funeral,
for arranging your funeral,
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接著，那個人有責任
要安排你的葬禮，
要安排你的葬禮，
05:49
collecting assets and distributing them
after paying debts and taxes.
after paying debts and taxes.
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收集資產，付清了債務和
稅款之後，剩下的再做分配。
稅款之後，剩下的再做分配。
05:54
And one of those debts
will be the bill for their services.
will be the bill for their services.
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而其中一項債務，
就是他們的服務帳單。
就是他們的服務帳單。
05:57
This is not someone who would have known
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這個人不會知道
05:59
you want the four-foot
wooden giraffe in your living room
wooden giraffe in your living room
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你希望你客廳中那隻
四呎高的木製長頸鹿
四呎高的木製長頸鹿
06:02
to go to the person who helped you
carry it halfway across the world,
carry it halfway across the world,
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能留給當初協助你
把它搬過半個地球的人，
把它搬過半個地球的人，
06:05
and yes, that's in my will.
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是的，那寫在我的遺囑裡。
06:07
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
06:10
If you die leaving a spouse
or a domestic partner,
or a domestic partner,
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如果你死時還有留下
配偶或同居伴侶，
配偶或同居伴侶，
06:12
then chances are
they will receive your estate,
they will receive your estate,
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有可能他們會得到你的遺產；
06:15
but if you are single,
it's far more complicated,
it's far more complicated,
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但是如果你單身，情況就複雜許多，
06:18
as parents, siblings, half-siblings
and dependents all come into play.
and dependents all come into play.
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因為父母、手足、半手足、
受撫養者通通來參一腳。
受撫養者通通來參一腳。
06:24
And did you know that if you make
a regular donation to charity,
a regular donation to charity,
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你是否知道，如果你向
慈善機構做一般捐贈，
慈善機構做一般捐贈，
06:28
that charity may have grounds
to make a claim on your estate?
to make a claim on your estate?
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那間慈善機構就可能
有理由索求你的遺產？
有理由索求你的遺產？
06:32
The most important thing to know
is the bigger your estate,
is the bigger your estate,
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最重要的是要知道，你的遺產越多，
06:35
the more complicated that will will be,
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情況就會越複雜，
06:37
and the more expensive that bill.
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帳單也會越貴。
06:40
So if you don't have a will, I ask you ...
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所以如果你還沒立遺囑，那我問你，
06:45
when else in your life
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你人生中除了在不得已的情況下，
06:47
have you willingly given money
to the government
to the government
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還有什麼時候你會願意
06:50
when you didn't have to?
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把錢給政府？
06:52
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
06:55
I lost my father in February
to a progressive lung disease.
to a progressive lung disease.
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我在二月失去了我的父親，
他因為進行性肺病而過世。
他因為進行性肺病而過世。
06:59
When dad knew his death was imminent,
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當爸爸知道大限已到，
07:01
he had three clear wishes.
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他有三項明確的願望。
07:03
He wanted to die at home;
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他希望在家裡離開人世；
07:06
he wanted to die surrounded by family;
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他希望離開時身邊圍繞著家人；
07:08
and he wanted to die peacefully,
not choking or gasping for air.
not choking or gasping for air.
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他希望能平靜地離開，
不是窒息或缺氧。
不是窒息或缺氧。
07:13
And I'm pleased to say that my family
were able to support dad's wishes,
were able to support dad's wishes,
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我很高興能說，我的家人
能夠支持我爸爸的願望，
能夠支持我爸爸的願望，
07:17
and he achieved his goals,
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他達成了他的目標，
07:18
and in that sense, he had a good death.
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就那方面來說，他有個很好的死亡。
07:22
He had the death he planned for.
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他得到了他規劃的死亡。
07:25
Because dad wanted to die at home,
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因為爸爸最後想待在家中，
07:27
we had to have some
pretty tough conversations
pretty tough conversations
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我們得要進行一些很困難的談話，
07:29
and fill out a lot of paperwork.
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還要填寫許多文書資料。
07:31
The questions on the forms cover everything
from resuscitation to organ donation.
from resuscitation to organ donation.
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表格上的問題無所不包，
從急救到器官捐贈都有。
從急救到器官捐贈都有。
07:37
Dad said, "Take whatever
organs you can use."
organs you can use."
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爸爸說：「能用的器官就拿去用。」
07:41
This was upsetting to my mum,
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這讓我媽媽很沮喪，
07:43
as my dad's health
was deteriorating rapidly,
was deteriorating rapidly,
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隨著我爸爸的健康狀況急速惡化，
07:45
and it was no longer the right time
to talk about organ donation.
to talk about organ donation.
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已經不再是適合談論
器官捐贈的時間了。
器官捐贈的時間了。
07:50
I believe we need to discuss these issues
when we are fit and healthy,
when we are fit and healthy,
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我相信，應該在我們還強健、
健康的時候就討論這些議題，
健康的時候就討論這些議題，
07:54
so we can take the emotion out of it,
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我們才能不受情緒影響，
07:56
and then we can learn
not just what is important,
not just what is important,
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我們不只能學到什麼才重要，
07:59
but why it's important.
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還有它為什麼很重要。
08:02
So as part of my journey,
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所以，我旅程的一部分是，
08:04
I started engaging my family and friends
to find out their thoughts on death,
to find out their thoughts on death,
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我開始和我的家人、朋友接觸，
了解他們對死亡的想法，
了解他們對死亡的想法，
08:09
and how they wanted to be remembered.
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以及他們希望人們如何記得他們。
08:12
I discovered you can host
a "Death Over Dinner,"
a "Death Over Dinner,"
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我發現，你可以主持
「晚餐談死亡」，
「晚餐談死亡」，
08:16
or a "Death Cafe,"
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或是「死亡咖啡」，
08:18
which is a great, casual way
to introduce the topic ...
to introduce the topic ...
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這是一種很好很隨意的方式，
來帶入這個主題…
來帶入這個主題…
08:21
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
08:23
and gain some wonderful insight.
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並得到些美好的洞見。
08:25
(Laughter)
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1695
（笑聲）
08:27
Did you know that your body
has to be legally disposed of,
has to be legally disposed of,
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你們是否知道，你們的屍體
必須要依法處理，
必須要依法處理，
08:30
and you can't just be shoved off a cliff
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你們不能把屍體直接丟下懸崖，
08:33
or set fire to in the backyard?
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或是在院子裡點火焚化？
08:35
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
08:36
In Australia, you have three options.
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在澳洲，有三種選擇。
08:38
The two most common
are burial and cremation,
are burial and cremation,
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其中兩種最普遍的，是埋葬和火化，
08:40
but you can also donate
your body to science.
your body to science.
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但你還可以把你的屍體
捐出做科學用途。
捐出做科學用途。
08:43
And I am pleased to report
that innovation has touched
that innovation has touched
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我很高興向各位報告，
創新已經觸及了
創新已經觸及了
08:46
the world of corpse disposal.
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屍體處理的世界。
08:48
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
08:49
You can now opt for an eco-funeral.
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你現在可以選擇環保葬禮。
08:51
You can be buried at the base of a tree
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你可以被埋在一棵樹木的基部，
08:53
in recycled cardboard or a wicker basket,
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放在可回收的紙板或柳條籃子中，
08:56
and for those who love the ocean,
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至於熱愛海洋的人，
08:57
there are eco-friendly urns
that will dissolve at sea.
that will dissolve at sea.
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也有環保骨灰甕，在海中會分解。
09:01
Personally, I plan to be cremated,
185
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2731
我個人的規劃是要被火化，
09:04
but given that I get seasick,
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2514
但因為我會暈船，
09:06
I can think of nothing worse
187
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1811
我想不出有什麼會比
09:08
than having my ashes
flung into a huge ocean swell.
flung into a huge ocean swell.
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把我的骨灰丟入
洶湧大海中更糟的了。
洶湧大海中更糟的了。
09:12
I've actually bought a plot
in the rose garden next to my dad.
in the rose garden next to my dad.
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我在埋葬我爸爸的玫瑰花園裡
買了一小塊他旁邊的土地。
買了一小塊他旁邊的土地。
09:16
I call it my investment property.
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544314
1953
我稱它為我的地產投資。
09:18
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
09:20
But sadly, there's no tax deduction.
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3125
感傷的是，沒有辦法減稅。
09:23
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
09:26
So if you plan for your death,
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3349
如果你為你的死亡做規劃，
09:29
then your survivors will know
how to experience a healthy bereavement
how to experience a healthy bereavement
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還存活的人就知道如何
度過一段健康的喪親／友之痛，
度過一段健康的喪親／友之痛，
09:33
without fear or guilt of having failed
to honor your legacy.
to honor your legacy.
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不用害怕或有罪惡感，
覺得沒有尊重你的傳承。
覺得沒有尊重你的傳承。
09:37
As part of my research,
I've been to seminars,
I've been to seminars,
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為了我的研究，我會去參加研討會，
09:40
read books and talked
to palliative care nurses.
to palliative care nurses.
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3046
閱讀書籍，並和安寧照護護士談談。
09:43
And I've come to understand
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1331
我漸漸了解到，
09:44
as a consequence
of not talking about death,
of not talking about death,
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3319
不去談論死亡的一項後果，
09:48
we don't know how to be around grief.
201
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就是我們不知道要如何處理悲痛。
09:51
And on the flip side,
if we talk about death more,
if we talk about death more,
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3219
反過來說，如果我們多談談死亡，
09:54
we will become more comfortable with
the emotions we experience around grief.
the emotions we experience around grief.
203
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4317
對於在悲痛中所感受到的情緒，
我們會感到更舒適些。
我們會感到更舒適些。
10:01
I discovered, this year,
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1771
今年，我發現，
10:03
it's actually a privilege
to help someone exit this life,
to help someone exit this life,
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能夠協助一個人
離開此生，是一項殊榮，
離開此生，是一項殊榮，
10:07
and although my heart
is heavy with loss and sadness,
is heavy with loss and sadness,
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雖然失去和悲傷會讓我的心很沉重，
10:11
it is not heavy with regret.
207
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1524
但不是悔恨讓它沉重。
10:13
I knew what dad wanted,
208
601524
1993
我知道我爸爸想要什麼，
10:15
and I feel at peace knowing
I could support his wishes.
I could support his wishes.
209
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2872
知道我可以支持他的願望，
讓我感到平靜。
讓我感到平靜。
10:21
My dad's last 24 hours
were in a peaceful coma,
were in a peaceful coma,
210
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3641
我爸爸人生中的最後 24 小時
是在平靜的昏迷中度過，
是在平靜的昏迷中度過，
10:24
and after days of around-the-clock care,
211
612722
2008
經過幾天日以繼夜的照護，
10:26
we had time to sit, hold his hand,
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2413
我們有時間坐下來，握住他的手，
10:29
and say goodbye.
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1284
跟他道別。
10:31
He passed away on a Monday morning
just before breakfast,
just before breakfast,
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3389
他在一個星期一早晨過世，
就在早餐之前，
就在早餐之前，
10:34
and after the doctor came
215
622907
1667
醫生來了之後，
10:36
and we waited for the funeral home,
216
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2616
我們等待葬儀社過來，
10:39
I went into the kitchen,
and I ate a big bowl of porridge.
and I ate a big bowl of porridge.
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3746
我走進廚房，吃了一大碗的粥。
10:45
When I told some of my friends this,
they were really shocked.
they were really shocked.
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3095
當我告訴一些朋友
這件事時，他們很吃驚。
這件事時，他們很吃驚。
10:48
"How could you eat at a time like that?"
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3038
「在這樣的時刻，你怎麼能吃？」
10:53
Well, I was hungry.
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2909
嗯，我那時餓了。
10:56
(Laughter)
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4690
（笑聲）
11:00
You see, grief impacted my sleep
and my ability to concentrate,
and my ability to concentrate,
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3953
悲痛會影響我的睡眠和專注力，
11:04
but it never impacted my stomach.
I was always hungry.
I was always hungry.
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3251
但它從來沒有影響我的胃。
我總是很餓。
我總是很餓。
11:08
(Laughter)
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1184
（笑聲）
11:09
It's different for all of us,
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1610
每個人狀況都不一樣，
11:10
and it's really important
that we acknowledge that.
that we acknowledge that.
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2721
很重要的是我們要承認這一點。
11:14
So if we don't talk about our death
and the death of loved ones,
and the death of loved ones,
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3151
如果我們不談我們的死亡
以及我們所愛的人的死亡，
以及我們所愛的人的死亡，
11:17
how can we possibly support
a friend, a colleague, a neighbor
a friend, a colleague, a neighbor
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4131
我們怎麼有可能支持
正在悲痛中的朋友、
正在悲痛中的朋友、
11:22
who is grieving?
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1617
同事、鄰居？
11:23
How do we support someone
who has lost someone suddenly,
who has lost someone suddenly,
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3009
我們要如何支持突然失去某人的人，
11:26
like an accident or suicide?
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1903
比如發生意外或自殺的情況？
11:29
We tend to avoid them ...
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1460
我們會傾向避開他們。
11:32
not because we don't care,
233
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2461
不是因為我們不在乎，
11:34
because we don't know what to say.
234
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1872
因為我們不知道要說什麼。
11:37
We know as a friend we can't fix it,
235
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2652
我們知道，身為朋友，
我們也無法修復這狀況，
我們也無法修復這狀況，
11:40
we can't take away that pain,
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2595
我們無法消除痛苦，
11:43
so we say things
to fill that awkward silence,
to fill that awkward silence,
237
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3191
所以我們會說些話
來填補尷尬的寂靜，
來填補尷尬的寂靜，
11:46
sometimes things we regret saying.
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694422
1697
有時會說出讓我們後悔的話。
11:49
Examples would be:
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697532
1285
舉例來說：
11:53
"At least he isn't suffering anymore."
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2016
「至少他不會再受苦了。」
11:56
"At least you've got your memories."
241
704673
1745
「至少你還有你的記憶。」
12:00
"At least you don't have to pay
for hospital parking anymore."
for hospital parking anymore."
242
708215
2920
「至少你不用再付
醫院的停車費了。」
醫院的停車費了。」
12:03
(Laughter)
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711159
2096
（笑聲）
12:05
Really, we don't need to say anything.
244
713279
2761
我們其實不用硬找話來說，
12:08
We just need to be.
245
716588
1460
我們只要在那裡。
12:11
Be patient,
246
719211
1844
有耐心、
12:13
be understanding,
247
721079
2182
善解人意，
12:15
and be a listener.
248
723285
1227
並當一個傾聽者。
12:17
And if you can't be any of those things,
249
725672
3234
如果以上的你都做不到，
12:20
then please, be the person who makes
the lasagna, the curry or the casserole,
the lasagna, the curry or the casserole,
250
728930
4211
那麼，拜託，去當煮義大利麵、
咖哩、或砂鍋菜的人，
咖哩、或砂鍋菜的人，
12:25
because your offerings
will be greatly appreciated.
will be greatly appreciated.
251
733165
2460
因為你的貢獻也會被大大感激。
12:27
(Laughter)
252
735649
1563
（笑聲）
12:29
I've been to 10 funerals in the last year,
253
737686
2342
去年我參加了十場葬禮，
12:32
one of which I helped arrange.
254
740052
1970
我協助安排了其中一場。
12:34
They ran the full gamut:
255
742046
2218
葬禮包羅萬象：
12:36
a very solemn Greek Orthodox service,
256
744288
2461
一個非常莊重的希臘正教儀式、
12:38
four Catholic requiem masses
257
746773
2611
四次天主教安魂彌撒，
12:41
and a garden party
258
749408
1659
還有一場花園派對，
12:43
where I made a toast while scattering
my friend's ashes around her garden
my friend's ashes around her garden
259
751091
4437
在派對上，我舉杯敬酒，同時
把我朋友的骨灰灑在她的花園中，
把我朋友的骨灰灑在她的花園中，
12:47
with a soup ladle.
260
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1325
用長柄湯杓來灑。
12:48
(Laughter)
261
756901
1526
（笑聲）
12:50
I have carried, kissed, written on
and toasted coffins with a shot of ouzo.
and toasted coffins with a shot of ouzo.
262
758451
4634
我抬舉棺木、親吻它、
用一小杯茴香烈酒向它敬酒。
用一小杯茴香烈酒向它敬酒。
12:55
I have worn all black,
263
763783
1576
我穿過全黑服裝、
12:57
all color and a party dress.
264
765383
2777
彩色服裝，以及一件派對禮服。
13:00
Despite the vast differences in sendoff,
265
768184
2285
儘管在送葬上有很大的差異，
13:02
despite me being at times
out of my comfort zone
out of my comfort zone
266
770493
2522
儘管我有時候會離開我的舒適圈，
13:05
doing something I've never done before,
267
773039
2842
做我以前從來沒有做過的事，
13:07
I drew comfort from one thing --
268
775905
1960
我取得慰藉的來源是
13:10
knowing that this is what each person
would have wanted.
would have wanted.
269
778889
2984
知道這是每個人會想要的。
13:15
So what do I want?
270
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1150
我想要什麼？
13:17
Well, I like to be organized,
so I have the will,
so I have the will,
271
785218
3992
我想要條理分明，所以我立有遺囑，
13:21
I'm a registered organ donor,
and I have my investment property.
and I have my investment property.
272
789234
3190
我是註冊的器官捐贈者，
我還有我的墓地。
我還有我的墓地。
13:25
All that is left is planning my sendoff,
273
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2731
剩下的只有規劃我的送葬，
13:27
a big party, lots of champagne,
274
795941
3341
一個大派對，很多香檳，
13:31
color, laughter, and of course,
music to remember me by.
music to remember me by.
275
799306
3714
有色彩，有笑聲，當然
還有讓人們記得我的音樂。
還有讓人們記得我的音樂。
13:35
Thank you.
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803496
1151
謝謝。
13:36
(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Michelle Knox - Project and change professionalWestpac's Michelle Knox has led large-scale transformation programs in the UK, Ireland and Australia.
Why you should listen
Michelle Knox currently works in Finance Transformation for Westpac Banking Corporation, Sydney, Australia, leading a team to deliver superior products, services and sustainable change. In a world of constant change and disruption, Knox is passionate about helping others to adapt and thrive by identifying and supporting the unique skills and talents of individuals to create a positive work environment.
Knox is also an avid work traveler and storyteller, often combining these passions to write witty accounts of her adventures in a travel blog.
In 2017, Knox's father passed away from a progressive illness. Through this experience, Knox learned that talking about death and planning for it enabled her father to experience a good death and her family to have a healthy bereavement, something she realized not everyone achieves.
After discussing death with friends, colleagues and complete strangers, Knox realized there was a need to address the way we deal with the most significant change we will all experience: death. With humor and compassion, Knox shares her own experiences and learnings in order to help others. She is living proof that talking about death won’t kill you.
Michelle Knox | Speaker | TED.com