TEDWomen 2017
Susan David: The gift and power of emotional courage
Susan David: Dar in moč čustvenega poguma
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Psihologinja Susan David govori o tem, kako naš odnos do lastnih čustev oblikuje vse kar je pomembno: naša dejanja, kariero, odnose, zdravje in srečo.
V tem ganljivem in humornem govoru, ki ima potencialno moč spreminjati življenja, pod vprašaj postavlja kulturo, kjer je pozitivna naravnanost nad čustveno resnico in govori o pomembnosti čustvene prožnosti.
Vsekakor govor, ki ga je vredno deliti.
Susan David - Psychologist, researcher, author
Susan David, a Harvard Medical School psychologist, studies emotional agility: the psychology of how we can use emotion to bring forward our best selves in all aspects of how we love, live, parent and lead. Full bio
Susan David, a Harvard Medical School psychologist, studies emotional agility: the psychology of how we can use emotion to bring forward our best selves in all aspects of how we love, live, parent and lead. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
Hello, everyone.
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Lep pozdrav vsem.
00:15
Sawubona.
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Sawubona.
00:20
In South Africa, where I come from,
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V Južni Afriki, od koder prihajam,
00:22
"sawubona" is the Zulu word for "hello."
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je "sawubona" Zulu beseda za pozdrav.
00:26
There's a beautiful and powerful
intention behind the word
intention behind the word
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Za to besedo je lepa in močna simbolika,
00:28
because "sawubona"
literally translated means,
literally translated means,
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ker "sawubona" dobesedno pomeni:
00:31
"I see you, and by seeing you,
I bring you into being."
I bring you into being."
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"Vidim te in s tem te poustvarim."
00:35
So beautiful, imagine
being greeted like that.
being greeted like that.
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Zelo lepo; predstavljajte si,
da vas tako pozdravijo.
da vas tako pozdravijo.
00:40
But what does it take
in the way we see ourselves?
in the way we see ourselves?
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Ampak kaj vpliva na to, kako se vidimo?
00:43
Our thoughts, our emotions and our stories
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Naše misli, čustva in naše zgodbe,
00:45
that help us to thrive
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ki so nam pomagale rasti
00:47
in an increasingly complex
and fraught world?
and fraught world?
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v vedno bolj kompleksnem
in stresnem svetu?
in stresnem svetu?
00:50
This crucial question has been
at the center of my life's work.
at the center of my life's work.
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To ključno vprašanje
je center mojega življenjskega dela.
je center mojega življenjskega dela.
00:54
Because how we deal
with our inner world drives everything.
with our inner world drives everything.
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Ker to, kako ravnamo
z našim notranjim svetom, določa vse.
z našim notranjim svetom, določa vse.
00:58
Every aspect of how we love, how we live,
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Način kako ljubimo, živimo
01:01
how we parent and how we lead.
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kašni starši smo in kako vodimo.
01:04
The conventional view
of emotions as good or bad,
of emotions as good or bad,
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Konvencionalni pogled
na čustva kot dobra in slaba,
na čustva kot dobra in slaba,
01:08
positive or negative,
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pozitivna in negativna
01:10
is rigid.
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je rigiden.
01:11
And rigidity in the face
of complexity is toxic.
of complexity is toxic.
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In rigidnost znotraj kompleksnosti
je škodljiva.
je škodljiva.
01:16
We need greater levels
of emotional agility
of emotional agility
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Potrebujemo večjo stopnjo
čustvene prožnosti,
čustvene prožnosti,
01:19
for true resilience and thriving.
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da bomo lažje živeli in bili bolj uspešni.
01:23
My journey with this calling
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Moja pot proti temu poklicu
01:25
began not in the hallowed halls
of a university,
of a university,
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se ni začela
v posvečenih dvoranah univerze,
v posvečenih dvoranah univerze,
01:28
but in the messy, tender business of life.
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ampak v krhki zmešnjavi življenja.
01:31
I grew up in the white suburbs
of apartheid South Africa,
of apartheid South Africa,
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Odraščala sem v rasno segregiranem
belem predmestju Južne Afrike,
belem predmestju Južne Afrike,
01:35
a country and community
committed to not seeing.
committed to not seeing.
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v deželi in skupnosti, ki je vztrajala
v svoji slepoti
v svoji slepoti
01:38
To denial.
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in zanikanju.
01:40
It's denial that makes 50 years
of racist legislation possible
of racist legislation possible
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Zanikanje lahko omogoči 50 let
rasistične zakonodaje,
rasistične zakonodaje,
01:45
while people convince themselves
that they are doing nothing wrong.
that they are doing nothing wrong.
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medtem ko so ljudje prepričani,
da niso storili ničesar narobe.
da niso storili ničesar narobe.
01:49
And yet, I first learned
of the destructive power of denial
of the destructive power of denial
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Pa vendar sem prvič spoznala
uničujočo moč zanikanja
uničujočo moč zanikanja
01:53
at a personal level,
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na osebni ravni,
01:55
before I understood what it was doing
to the country of my birth.
to the country of my birth.
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preden sem razumela, kaj zanikanje
povzroča moji rodni deželi.
povzroča moji rodni deželi.
02:01
My father died on a Friday.
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Moj oče je umrl v petek.
02:04
He was 42 years old and I was 15.
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Bil je star 42 let in jaz 15.
02:07
My mother whispered to me to go
and say goodbye to my father
and say goodbye to my father
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Mama mi je zašepetala,
naj se grem poslovit od očeta,
naj se grem poslovit od očeta,
02:10
before I went to school.
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preden sem odšla v šolo.
02:12
So I put my backpack down
and walked the passage that ran through
and walked the passage that ran through
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Odložila sem nahrbtnik
in odšla po hodniku, ki je vodil
in odšla po hodniku, ki je vodil
02:15
to where the heart of our home
my father lay dying of cancer.
my father lay dying of cancer.
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do središča našega doma,
kjer je moj oče umiral za rakom.
kjer je moj oče umiral za rakom.
02:19
His eyes were closed,
but he knew I was there.
but he knew I was there.
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Imel je zaprte oči,
toda vedel je, da sem tam.
toda vedel je, da sem tam.
02:22
In his presence, I had always felt seen.
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V njegovi prisotnosti
sem se vedno počutila videno.
sem se vedno počutila videno.
02:26
I told him I loved him,
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Rekla sem, da ga imam rada,
02:27
said goodbye and headed off for my day.
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se poslovila in odšla v svoj dan.
02:31
At school, I drifted from science
to mathematics to history to biology,
to mathematics to history to biology,
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V šoli, nekje med naravoslovjem,
matematiko, zgodovino in biologijo,
matematiko, zgodovino in biologijo,
02:36
as my father slipped from the world.
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je moj oče zapustil ta svet.
02:38
From May to July to September to November,
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Od maja do julija,
do septembra in novembra
do septembra in novembra
02:41
I went about with my usual smile.
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sem hodila naokoli
s svojim običajnim nasmehom.
s svojim običajnim nasmehom.
02:44
I didn't drop a single grade.
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Moje ocene se niso poslabšale.
02:46
When asked how I was doing,
I would shrug and say, "OK."
I would shrug and say, "OK."
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Ko so me vprašali kako mi gre,
sem skomignila in rekla: "OK."
sem skomignila in rekla: "OK."
02:51
I was praised for being strong.
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Hvalili so me, ker sem bila močna.
02:54
I was the master of being OK.
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Bila sem mojstrica "biti OK".
02:58
But back home, we struggled --
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Toda doma smo se borili --
03:00
my father hadn't been able
to keep his small business going
to keep his small business going
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moj oče ni mogel vzdrževati
svojega malega podjetja
svojega malega podjetja
03:03
during his illness.
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v času bolezni.
03:04
And my mother, alone,
was grieving the love of her life
was grieving the love of her life
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Moja mama je v samoti žalovala
za ljubeznijo svojega življenja,
za ljubeznijo svojega življenja,
03:07
trying to raise three children,
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skušala vzgajati tri otroke;
03:08
and the creditors were knocking.
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tudi upniki so se oglasili.
03:11
We felt, as a family, financially
and emotionally ravaged.
and emotionally ravaged.
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Kot družina smo bili finančno
in čustveno opustošeni.
in čustveno opustošeni.
03:15
And I began to spiral down,
isolated, fast.
isolated, fast.
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Takrat se je začela moja pot navzdol.
V samoti in na hitro.
V samoti in na hitro.
03:20
I started to use food to numb my pain.
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Za blaženje bolečine
sem začela izrabljati hrano.
sem začela izrabljati hrano.
03:24
Binging and purging.
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Prenajedanje in bruhanje.
03:26
Refusing to accept
the full weight of my grief.
the full weight of my grief.
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Nisem se mogla soočiti
s celotno težo svoje žalosti.
s celotno težo svoje žalosti.
03:31
No one knew, and in a culture
that values relentless positivity,
that values relentless positivity,
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Nihče ni vedel za to in v kulturi,
ki ceni nenehno pozitivnost,
ki ceni nenehno pozitivnost,
03:35
I thought that no one wanted to know.
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se je zdelo, da nihče niti noče vedeti.
03:39
But one person did not buy into
my story of triumph over grief.
my story of triumph over grief.
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Toda ene osebe nisem uspela prevarati
s svojo zgodbo o zmagi nad žalostjo.
s svojo zgodbo o zmagi nad žalostjo.
03:44
My eighth-grade English teacher
fixed me with burning blue eyes
fixed me with burning blue eyes
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Učiteljica angleščine se je zazrla
vame s svojimi prodornimi modrimi očmi
vame s svojimi prodornimi modrimi očmi
03:48
as she handed out blank notebooks.
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in mi je podala prazne zvezke.
03:51
She said, "Write what you're feeling.
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Rekla je: "Piši kar čutiš.
03:55
Tell the truth.
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Povej resnico.
03:56
Write like nobody's reading."
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Piši, kot da tega ne bo nihče bral."
04:00
And just like that,
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In to je bilo dovolj.
04:01
I was invited to show up
authentically to my grief and pain.
authentically to my grief and pain.
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Povabilo, da pokažem
avtentičnost svoje žalosti in bolečine.
avtentičnost svoje žalosti in bolečine.
04:05
It was a simple act
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Preprosto dejanje,
04:07
but nothing short of a revolution for me.
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ki pa je zame pomenilo pravo revolucijo.
04:11
It was this revolution
that started in this blank notebook
that started in this blank notebook
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In revolucija, ki se je pričela
v tem praznem zvezku
v tem praznem zvezku
04:15
30 years ago
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pred tridesetimi leti,
04:17
that shaped my life's work.
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je vplivala na moje življenjsko delo.
04:20
The secret, silent
correspondence with myself.
correspondence with myself.
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To skrivno, tiho dopisovanje sama s seboj.
04:24
Like a gymnast,
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Kot gimnastičarka
04:25
I started to move beyond
the rigidity of denial
the rigidity of denial
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sem se pričela gibati
onkraj rigidnosti zanikanja
onkraj rigidnosti zanikanja
04:30
into what I've now come to call
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do tega, čemur zdaj pravim
04:32
emotional agility.
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emocionalna prožnost.
04:38
Life's beauty is inseparable
from its fragility.
from its fragility.
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Življenjske lepote
se ne da ločiti od njegove krhkosti.
se ne da ločiti od njegove krhkosti.
04:43
We are young until we are not.
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Mladi smo, dokler nismo več.
04:45
We walk down the streets sexy
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Hodimo po ulicah in se počutimo seksi,
04:47
until one day we realize
that we are unseen.
that we are unseen.
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dokler se nekega dne ne zavemo,
da nas nihče ne opazi.
da nas nihče ne opazi.
04:53
We nag our children and one day realize
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Težimo otrokom
in potem nekega dne spoznamo,
in potem nekega dne spoznamo,
04:55
that there is silence
where that child once was,
where that child once was,
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da je le še tišina,
kjer je bil včasih otrok,
kjer je bil včasih otrok,
04:58
now making his or her way in the world.
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ki se zdaj sam nekje uveljavlja v svetu.
05:01
We are healthy until a diagnosis
brings us to our knees.
brings us to our knees.
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Smo zdravi, dokler nas diagnoza
ne spravi na kolena.
ne spravi na kolena.
05:07
The only certainty is uncertainty,
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Edina gotovost je negotovost,
05:09
and yet we are not navigating
this frailty successfully or sustainably.
this frailty successfully or sustainably.
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pa se s to krhkostjo
ne soočamo preveč uspešno in trajno.
ne soočamo preveč uspešno in trajno.
05:14
The World Health Organization
tells us that depression
tells us that depression
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Svetovna zdravstvena organizacija
nam pravi, da je depresija
nam pravi, da je depresija
05:17
is now the single leading cause
of disability globally --
of disability globally --
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postala globalno
najbolj razširjena bolezen,
najbolj razširjena bolezen,
05:21
outstripping cancer,
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ki presega raka
05:23
outstripping heart disease.
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in bolezni srca.
05:26
And at a time of greater complexity,
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V času večje kompleksnosti,
05:30
unprecedented technological,
political and economic change,
political and economic change,
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tehnoloških, političnih in ekonomskih
sprememb brez primere,
sprememb brez primere,
05:34
we are seeing how people's tendency
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lahko opazujemo, kako se ljudje
05:36
is more and more to lock down
into rigid responses to their emotions.
into rigid responses to their emotions.
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vedno bolj togo odzivajo
na lastna čustva.
na lastna čustva.
05:42
On the one hand we might
obsessively brood on our feelings.
obsessively brood on our feelings.
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Na eni strani se lahko
obsesivno izgubljamo v svojih čustvih.
obsesivno izgubljamo v svojih čustvih.
05:46
Getting stuck inside our heads.
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In obtičimo v svoji glavi.
05:48
Hooked on being right.
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Zasvojeni s tem, da imamo prav.
05:51
Or victimized by our news feed.
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Ali pa se počutimo žrtve novic.
05:55
On the other, we might
bottle our emotions,
bottle our emotions,
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Na drugi strani pa se čustvom izogibamo,
05:57
pushing them aside
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jih odrivamo.
05:59
and permitting only those emotions
deemed legitimate.
deemed legitimate.
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Dovoljujemo le tista čustva,
ki se zdijo legitimna.
ki se zdijo legitimna.
06:04
In a survey I recently conducted
with over 70,000 people,
with over 70,000 people,
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Moja nedavna raziskava,
ki je vključevala čaz 70.000 ljudi,
ki je vključevala čaz 70.000 ljudi,
06:07
I found that a third of us --
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je pokazala, da se ena tretjina --
06:09
a third --
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tretjina --
06:11
either judge ourselves for having
so-called "bad emotions,"
so-called "bad emotions,"
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obsoja, če občuti
tako imenovana "slaba čustva"
tako imenovana "slaba čustva"
06:16
like sadness,
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kot so žalost,
06:18
anger or even grief.
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jeza ali celo žalovanje.
06:22
Or actively try to push aside
these feelings.
these feelings.
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Ali pa aktivno odriva te občutke.
06:27
We do this not only to ourselves,
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In tega ne delamo le sebi,
06:28
but also to people we love,
like our children --
like our children --
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pač pa tudi ljudem,
ki jih imamo radi, otrokom -
ki jih imamo radi, otrokom -
06:31
we may inadvertently shame them
out of emotions seen as negative,
out of emotions seen as negative,
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morda jih nehote sramotimo zaradi čustev,
ki jih vidimo kot negativna,
ki jih vidimo kot negativna,
06:35
jump to a solution,
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prehitro zaključimo
06:37
and fail to help them
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in jim ne pomagamo
06:39
to see these emotions
as inherently valuable.
as inherently valuable.
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videti ta čustva kot dragocena.
06:45
Normal, natural emotions
are now seen as good or bad.
are now seen as good or bad.
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Običajna, naravna čustva
smatramo dandanes kot dobra ali slaba.
smatramo dandanes kot dobra ali slaba.
06:52
And being positive has become
a new form of moral correctness.
a new form of moral correctness.
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Biti pozitiven je postalo danes
nova oblika moralne korektnosti.
nova oblika moralne korektnosti.
06:59
People with cancer are automatically told
to just stay positive.
to just stay positive.
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Ljudem z rakom se avtomatično svetuje,
naj ostanejo pozitivni.
naj ostanejo pozitivni.
07:06
Women, to stop being so angry.
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Ženskam, naj ne bodo tako jezne.
07:11
And the list goes on.
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Seznam se nadaljuje.
07:14
It's a tyranny.
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Gre za tiranijo,
07:16
It's a tyranny of positivity.
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tiranijo pozitivnosti.
07:20
And it's cruel.
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Kaj je kruto,
07:23
Unkind.
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neprijazno
07:25
And ineffective.
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in neučinkovito.
07:27
And we do it to ourselves,
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To počnemo sebi
07:30
and we do it to others.
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in drugim ljudem.
07:33
If there's one common feature
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Če obstaja skupna lastnost
07:36
of brooding, bottling
or false positivity, it's this:
or false positivity, it's this:
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tičanja v negativnih mislih,
odrivanja čustev in lažne pozitivnosti
odrivanja čustev in lažne pozitivnosti
07:40
they are all rigid responses.
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je, da so to vse togi odzivi.
07:44
And if there's a single
lesson we can learn
lesson we can learn
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In lekcija, ki se jo lahko naučimo
07:46
from the inevitable fall of apartheid
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iz neizogibnega padca apartheida je,
07:49
it is that rigid denial doesn't work.
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da togo zanikanje ne deluje.
07:53
It's unsustainable.
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Ne more biti trajno.
07:55
For individuals, for families,
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Ne za posameznike, ne za družine
07:58
for societies.
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in ne za družbe.
08:00
And as we watch the ice caps melt,
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Kot ko opazujemo taljenje ledu,
08:04
it is unsustainable for our planet.
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tako naš planet ne bo mogel preživeti.
08:09
Research on emotional suppression shows
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1865
Raziskave o zatiranju čustev pravijo,
08:11
that when emotions
are pushed aside or ignored,
are pushed aside or ignored,
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2968
da čustva, ki jih odrivamo ali ignoriramo
08:14
they get stronger.
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1200
postanejo močnejša.
08:16
Psychologists call this amplification.
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Psihologi temu pravijo "ojačanje".
08:18
Like that delicious chocolate cake
in the refrigerator --
in the refrigerator --
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3252
Kot tista slastna čokoladna tortica
v hladilniku --
v hladilniku --
08:23
the more you try to ignore it ...
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1934
bolj ko poskušaš pozabiti nanjo...
08:26
(Laughter)
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3604
(Smeh)
08:30
the greater its hold on you.
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2158
bolj te mika.
08:34
You might think you're in control
of unwanted emotions when you ignore them,
of unwanted emotions when you ignore them,
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Lahko si misliš, da imaš kontrolo
nad nezaželenimi čustvi, ko jih odrivaš-
nad nezaželenimi čustvi, ko jih odrivaš-
08:38
but in fact they control you.
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ampak dejstvo je,
da imajo ona kontrolo nad teboj.
da imajo ona kontrolo nad teboj.
08:42
Internal pain always comes out.
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Notranja bolečina vedno pride na plano.
08:45
Always.
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Vedno.
08:46
And who pays the price?
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In kdo plača ceno?
08:49
We do.
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1405
Mi.
08:50
Our children,
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1150
Naši otroci,
08:52
our colleagues,
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naši kolegi,
08:55
our communities.
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naše skupnosti.
09:01
Now, don't get me wrong.
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Ne razumite me narobe.
09:03
I'm not anti-happiness.
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Nisem proti sreči.
09:06
I like being happy.
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Rada sem srečna.
09:07
I'm a pretty happy person.
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Sem precej srečna oseba.
09:10
But when we push aside normal emotions
to embrace false positivity,
to embrace false positivity,
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A ko odrivamo naravna čustva
z zlagano pozitivnostjo,
z zlagano pozitivnostjo,
09:15
we lose our capacity to develop skills
to deal with the world as it is,
to deal with the world as it is,
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izgubimo sposobnosti spopadanja
s svetom, kakršen je danes
s svetom, kakršen je danes
09:22
not as we wish it to be.
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in ne kakršnega si želimo.
09:24
I've had hundreds of people tell me
what they don't want to feel.
what they don't want to feel.
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Stotine ljudi mi pove, česa nočejo čutiti.
09:29
They say things like,
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Pravijo, na primer:
09:30
"I don't want to try because
I don't want to feel disappointed."
I don't want to feel disappointed."
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3142
"Nočem poskusiti,
ker nočem biti razočaran."
ker nočem biti razočaran."
09:35
Or, "I just want this feeling to go away."
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Ali: "Hočem le, da gre ta občutek stran."
09:41
"I understand," I say to them.
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"Razumem," jim rečem.
09:44
"But you have dead people's goals."
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"Toda, imate cilje mrtvih ljudi."
09:47
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
09:52
(Applause)
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(Aplavz)
09:58
Only dead people
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2040
Le mrtvi ljudje
10:00
never get unwanted or inconvenienced
by their feelings.
by their feelings.
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nikoli ne čutijo nezaželenih čustev
in jim ni neprijetno ob njih.
in jim ni neprijetno ob njih.
10:04
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
10:05
Only dead people never get stressed,
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2296
Le mrtvi ljudje niso nikoli v stresu,
10:09
never get broken hearts,
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1600
nikoli nimajo zlomljenega srca,
10:11
never experience the disappointment
that comes with failure.
that comes with failure.
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in ne občutijo razočaranja ob neuspehu.
10:17
Tough emotions are part
of our contract with life.
of our contract with life.
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3500
Težka čustva
so del naše pogodbe z življenjem.
so del naše pogodbe z življenjem.
10:21
You don't get to have a meaningful career
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2325
Ni mogoče imeti izpolnjujoče kariere,
10:24
or raise a family
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1795
vzgajati otroke
10:26
or leave the world a better place
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2778
ali pripomoči k boljšemu svetu,
10:28
without stress and discomfort.
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2118
ne da bi bili kdaj v stresu
ali čutili nelagodje.
ali čutili nelagodje.
10:32
Discomfort is the price of admission
to a meaningful life.
to a meaningful life.
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Nelagodje je cena
za izpolnjujoče življenje.
za izpolnjujoče življenje.
10:39
So, how do we begin to dismantle rigidity
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2572
Torej, kako se bomo lotili
zmanjševanja naše togosti,
zmanjševanja naše togosti,
10:42
and embrace emotional agility?
188
630157
2000
da bomo lahko emocionalno prožnejši?
10:45
As that young schoolgirl,
189
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1659
Kot ta mlada šolarka,
10:47
when I leaned into those blank pages,
190
635474
3367
ko sem se nagnila nad prazne strani zvezka
10:50
I started to do away with feelings
191
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2389
in sem pričela obračunavati s tem,
10:53
of what I should be experiencing.
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3118
kar sem menila, da bi morala izkušati.
10:57
And instead started to open my heart
to what I did feel.
to what I did feel.
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3346
Namesto tega sem začela odpirati srce
temu, kar sem dejansko čutila.
temu, kar sem dejansko čutila.
11:01
Pain.
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1187
Bolečini.
11:02
And grief.
195
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1150
Žalovanju.
11:04
And loss.
196
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1539
Izgubi
11:06
And regret.
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1150
in obžalovanju.
11:09
Research now shows
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2581
Novejše raziskave kažejo,
11:12
that the radical acceptance
of all of our emotions --
of all of our emotions --
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3333
da je radikalno sprejetje
vseh naših čustev --
vseh naših čustev --
11:15
even the messy, difficult ones --
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663934
1659
tudi tistih zmedenih in težkih --
11:17
is the cornerstone
to resilience, thriving,
to resilience, thriving,
201
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2747
osnova za sposobnost
soočanja s svetom, za uspeh
soočanja s svetom, za uspeh
11:20
and true, authentic happiness.
202
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3141
in za pravo, avtentično srečo.
11:25
But emotional agility is more
that just an acceptance of emotions.
that just an acceptance of emotions.
203
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4937
Toda čustvena prožnost je več
kot le sprejemanje čustev.
kot le sprejemanje čustev.
11:30
We also know that accuracy matters.
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2150
Vemo tudi, da je pomembna natančnost.
11:33
In my own research,
I found that words are essential.
I found that words are essential.
205
681228
4523
V svoji raziskavi sem ugotovila,
da je izbor besed bistven.
da je izbor besed bistven.
11:37
We often use quick and easy labels
to describe our feelings.
to describe our feelings.
206
685775
3032
Pogosto uporabljamo hitre in lahke oznake
za opis svojih čustev.
za opis svojih čustev.
11:40
"I'm stressed" is the most
common one I hear.
common one I hear.
207
688831
2635
"Sem v stresu",
je ena najpogostejših, ki jih slišim.
je ena najpogostejših, ki jih slišim.
11:43
But there's a world of difference
between stress and disappointment
between stress and disappointment
208
691490
3381
Vendar je ogromna razlika med
stresom in razočaranjem
stresom in razočaranjem
11:46
or stress and that knowing dread
of "I'm in the wrong career."
of "I'm in the wrong career."
209
694895
3668
ali med stresom in groznim zavedanjem,
da smo na napačni življenjski poti.
da smo na napačni življenjski poti.
11:51
When we label our emotions accurately,
210
699804
1905
Ko naše čustvo natančno poimenujemo,
11:53
we are more able to discern
the precise cause of our feelings.
the precise cause of our feelings.
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3409
smo bolj sposobni zaznati
natančen vzrok našim občutkom.
natančen vzrok našim občutkom.
11:57
And what scientists call
the readiness potential in our brain
the readiness potential in our brain
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705692
2988
Kar znanstveniki imenujejo
potencial pripravljenosti naših možganov,
potencial pripravljenosti naših možganov,
12:00
is activated, allowing us
to take concrete steps.
to take concrete steps.
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708704
3202
se aktivira in nam omogoča,
da nekaj konkretnega ukrenemo.
da nekaj konkretnega ukrenemo.
12:04
But not just any steps --
the right steps for us.
the right steps for us.
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712513
2905
Pa ne karkoli-- prave korake za nas.
12:07
Because our emotions are data.
215
715442
2000
Ker naša čustva so podatki.
12:10
Our emotions contain flashing lights
to things that we care about.
to things that we care about.
216
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3949
Naša čustva vsebujejo utripajoče luči
pri stvareh, ki so nam pomembe.
pri stvareh, ki so nam pomembe.
12:14
We tend not to feel strong emotion
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722720
3071
Ne čutimo močnih čustev
12:17
to stuff that doesn't mean
anything in our worlds.
anything in our worlds.
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725815
3221
do stvari, ki nam ne pomenijo nič.
12:22
If you feel rage when you read the news,
219
730251
2612
Če na primer začutite bes,
ko preberete novico,
ko preberete novico,
12:24
that rage is a signpost, perhaps,
that you value equity and fairness --
that you value equity and fairness --
220
732887
4249
je ta bes morda znak
da cenite pravičnost in poštenost --
da cenite pravičnost in poštenost --
12:29
and an opportunity to take active steps
221
737760
1976
in priložnost za ukrepanje,
12:31
to shape your life in that direction.
222
739760
2206
da se bo vaše življenje obrnilo v to smer.
12:35
When we are open
to the difficult emotions,
to the difficult emotions,
223
743093
2183
Ko smo odprti za težka čustva,
12:37
we are able to generate responses
that are values-aligned.
that are values-aligned.
224
745300
3436
smo sposobni odzivov,
ki so skladni z našimi vrednotami.
ki so skladni z našimi vrednotami.
12:41
But there's an important caveat.
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749957
1985
Obstaja pa pomembno opozorilo.
12:43
Emotions are data,
they are not directives.
they are not directives.
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2420
Čustva so podatki, ne direktive.
12:46
We can show up to and mine
our emotions for their values
our emotions for their values
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754752
3142
Lahko prisluhnemo čustvom
in raziskujemo z njimi povezane vrednote.
in raziskujemo z njimi povezane vrednote.
12:49
without needing to listen to them.
228
757918
1928
Ni pa treba, da jih ubogamo.
12:52
Just like I can show up to my son
in his frustration with his baby sister --
in his frustration with his baby sister --
229
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5293
Tako lahko prisluhnem svojemu sinu
v frustraciji glede nove sestrice --
v frustraciji glede nove sestrice --
12:58
but not endorse his idea
that he gets to give her away
that he gets to give her away
230
766673
2566
Vendar ne pritrdim njegovi
nameri, da jo odda
nameri, da jo odda
13:01
to the first stranger
he sees in a shopping mall.
he sees in a shopping mall.
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2326
prvemu tujcu v nakupovalnem središču.
13:03
(Laughter)
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1528
(Smeh)
13:05
We own our emotions, they don't own us.
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3031
Mi smo lastniki naših čustev, ne obratno.
13:09
When we internalize the difference
between how I feel in all my wisdom
between how I feel in all my wisdom
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3803
Ko z vso modrostjo ponotranjimo
razliko med tem kako se počutimo
razliko med tem kako se počutimo
13:13
and what I do in a values-aligned action,
235
781347
3913
in tem, kar potem storimo
skladno s svojimi vrednotami,
skladno s svojimi vrednotami,
13:17
we generate the pathway to our best selves
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785284
3191
ustvarimo pot do svoje najboljše različice
13:20
via our emotions.
237
788499
1407
skozi svoja čustva.
13:24
So, what does this look like in practice?
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2733
Torej, kako to izgleda v praksi?
13:28
When you feel a strong, tough emotion,
239
796474
1818
Ko začutiš močno, težko čustvo
13:30
don't race for the emotional exits.
240
798316
1975
ne pobegni.
13:33
Learn its contours, show up
to the journal of your hearts.
to the journal of your hearts.
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801203
3644
Prouči obrise čustva,
prisluhni dnevniku svojega srca.
prisluhni dnevniku svojega srca.
13:37
What is the emotion telling you?
242
805625
1944
Kaj ti to čustvo govori?
13:41
And try not to say "I am,"
as in, "I'm angry" or "I'm sad."
as in, "I'm angry" or "I'm sad."
243
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3801
In izogibaj se besednim zvezam
"Sem jezna" ali "sem žalostna".
"Sem jezna" ali "sem žalostna".
13:45
When you say "I am"
244
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1159
Ko rečeš "Sem"
13:46
it makes you sound
as if you are the emotion.
as if you are the emotion.
245
814578
2547
to zveni, kot da si ti čustvo.
13:49
Whereas you are you,
and the emotion is a data source.
and the emotion is a data source.
246
817149
2729
Pa si pravzaprav ti ti,
čustvo pa je vir podatkov.
čustvo pa je vir podatkov.
13:52
Instead, try to notice
the feeling for what it is:
the feeling for what it is:
247
820577
2445
Namesto tega, skušaj
opozovati občutek kakršen je:
opozovati občutek kakršen je:
13:55
"I'm noticing that I'm feeling sad"
248
823046
1688
"Opazila sem, da čutim žalost."
13:56
or "I'm noticing that I'm feeling angry."
249
824758
2022
ali "Opazila sem, da čutim jezo."
14:00
These are essential skills for us,
250
828037
2118
To so bistvene sposobnosti za nas,
14:02
our families, our communities.
251
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2255
za naše družine in družbe.
14:04
They're also critical to the workplace.
252
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2250
So tudi bistvene za delovna mesta.
14:08
In my research,
253
836132
1168
V svoji raziskavi o tem
14:09
when I looked at what helps people
to bring the best of themselves to work,
to bring the best of themselves to work,
254
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3539
kaj motivira ljudi na delovnem mestu,
da se trudijo po najboljših močeh,
da se trudijo po najboljših močeh,
14:12
I found a powerful key contributor:
255
840887
1674
sem ugotovila, da je ključna
14:14
individualized consideration.
256
842585
1934
individualna obravnava.
14:17
When people are allowed
to feel their emotional truth,
to feel their emotional truth,
257
845084
3762
Ko se ljudem dovoli, da čutijo
svojo emocionalno resnico,
svojo emocionalno resnico,
14:20
engagement, creativity and innovation
flourish in the organization.
flourish in the organization.
258
848870
3467
v organizaciji cveti predanost,
kreativnost in inovativnost.
kreativnost in inovativnost.
14:25
Diversity isn't just people,
259
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1508
Raznolikost ne pomeni le ljudi,
14:27
it's also what's inside people.
260
855193
2341
temveč tudi to, kar je znotraj njih,
14:29
Including diversity of emotion.
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2067
kar vključuje tudi raznolikost čustev.
14:34
The most agile, resilient
individuals, teams,
individuals, teams,
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862425
3888
Najbolj prožni in vzdržljivi
posamezniki, kolektivi,
posamezniki, kolektivi,
14:38
organizations, families, communities
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866337
2312
organizacije, družine in družbe
14:40
are built on an openness
to the normal human emotions.
to the normal human emotions.
264
868673
2748
so zgrajene na odprtosti
do normalnih človeških čustev.
do normalnih človeških čustev.
14:44
It's this that allows us to say,
265
872189
2309
To je to, kar nam dopušča vprašati:
14:46
"What is my emotion telling me?"
266
874522
2078
"Kaj mi to čustvo govori?"
14:48
"Which action will bring me
towards my values?"
towards my values?"
267
876624
3057
"Katero dejanje me bo pripeljalo
proti mojim vrednotam?"
proti mojim vrednotam?"
14:51
"Which will take me away from my values?"
268
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2388
"Katero me bo oddaljilo od mojih vrednot?"
14:55
Emotional agility is the ability
to be with your emotions
to be with your emotions
269
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3729
Čustvena prožnost je sposobnost
biti s svojimi čustvi
biti s svojimi čustvi
14:59
with curiosity, compassion,
270
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2976
z radovednostjo, sočutjem
15:02
and especially the courage
to take values-connected steps.
to take values-connected steps.
271
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3766
in je zlasti pogum, da naredimo korake,
ki so v sozvočju z našimi vrednotami.
ki so v sozvočju z našimi vrednotami.
15:07
When I was little,
272
895891
1166
Ko sem bila majhna,
15:09
I would wake up at night
terrified by the idea of death.
terrified by the idea of death.
273
897081
2810
sem se zbujala ponoči
zaradi strašnega strahu o smrti.
zaradi strašnega strahu o smrti.
15:11
My father would comfort me
with soft pats and kisses.
with soft pats and kisses.
274
899915
3032
Oče me je tolažil
z nežnimi dotiki in poljubčki.
z nežnimi dotiki in poljubčki.
15:15
But he would never lie.
275
903677
1534
Nikoli pa mi ni lagal.
15:18
"We all die, Susie," he would say.
276
906738
2118
Rekel je: "Suzi, vsi bomo umrli.
15:21
"It's normal to be scared."
277
909780
1845
Normalno je, da te je strah."
15:24
He didn't try to invent
a buffer between me and reality.
a buffer between me and reality.
278
912483
3541
Ni se trudil zavijati realnosti v vato.
15:29
It took me a while to understand
279
917037
1850
Šele kasneje sem razumela
15:30
the power of how he guided me
through those nights.
through those nights.
280
918911
2588
to njegovo moč,
s katero me je vodil skozi tiste noči.
s katero me je vodil skozi tiste noči.
15:34
What he showed me is that courage
is not an absence of fear;
is not an absence of fear;
281
922228
4133
Pokazal mi je,
da pogum ni odsotnost strahu;
da pogum ni odsotnost strahu;
15:39
courage is fear walking.
282
927579
2944
Pogum je spopadanje s strahom.
15:44
Neither of us knew that in 10 short years,
283
932791
2239
Nihče od nas ni vedel,
da ga čez kratkih 10 let
da ga čez kratkih 10 let
15:47
he would be gone.
284
935054
1212
ne bo več.
15:48
And that time for each of us
is all too precious
is all too precious
285
936950
2904
In ta čas je za vsakega od nas
tako zelo dragocen
tako zelo dragocen
15:51
and all too brief.
286
939878
1200
in zelo prekratek.
15:54
But when our moment comes
287
942494
2793
Toda, ko bo prišel naš trenutek,
15:57
to face our fragility,
288
945311
2198
da se soočimo s svojo krhkostjo,
15:59
in that ultimate time,
289
947533
1699
takrat, v tem ključnem trenutku
16:01
it will ask us,
290
949256
1261
bomo soočeni z vprašanjem:
16:03
"Are you agile?"
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"Ali ste prožni?"
16:05
"Are you agile?"
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"Ali ste prožni?"
16:07
Let the moment be an unreserved "yes."
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Naj bomo takrat zmožni
brez zadržkov pritrditi.
brez zadržkov pritrditi.
16:12
A "yes" born of a lifelong
correspondence with your own heart.
correspondence with your own heart.
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Naj bo to "ja", ki se bo rodil iz
vseživljenjskega pogovora s svojim srcem.
vseživljenjskega pogovora s svojim srcem.
16:17
And in seeing yourself.
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In iz tega, da se resnično vidimo.
16:20
Because in seeing yourself,
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Ker takrat, ko vidimo sebe,
16:23
you are also able to see others, too:
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lahko vidimo tudi druge,
16:27
the only sustainable way forward
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kar je edina trajnostna pot naprej
16:30
in a fragile, beautiful world.
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v tem krhkem in krasnem svetu.
16:34
Sawubona.
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Sawubona.
16:36
And thank you.
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In hvala.
16:37
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
16:38
Thank you.
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Hvala.
16:39
(Applause)
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(Aplavz)
16:42
Thank you.
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Hvala.
16:43
(Applause)
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(Aplavz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Susan David - Psychologist, researcher, authorSusan David, a Harvard Medical School psychologist, studies emotional agility: the psychology of how we can use emotion to bring forward our best selves in all aspects of how we love, live, parent and lead.
Why you should listen
What does it take internally, in the way we deal with our thoughts, emotions and stories, for us to thrive in a complex and changing world? How we respond to these inner experiences drives our actions, careers, relationships, happiness, health -- everything that matters in our lives. Susan David became fascinated by this question through first-hand experience of loss and resilience, while growing up in a country in which hate was legislated: apartheid South Africa.
David holds a PhD in the psychology of emotions, is an award-winning Harvard Medical School psychologist, and is ranked as one of the world's leading management thinkers. Her #1 Wall Street Journal bestselling book, Emotional Agility, describes the psychological skills critical to thriving in times of complexity and change. David is CEO of Evidence Based Psychology, on Harvard Medical School faculty, and a co-founder of the Institute of Coaching. Described as "a powerful speaker, visionary thinker and inspirational personality," she is an unwavering believer in the power of people to bring the best of who they are to themselves, their children, their organizations and their communities.
Susan David | Speaker | TED.com