ABOUT THE SPEAKER
C.K. Williams - Poet
Often called a social poet, C.K. Williams was fascinated by the characters of modern civilization and their interactions.

Why you should listen

C.K. Williams started writing poetry at 19, after taking only his required English classes at University of Pennsylvania. In the 1960s, he began gearing his poems toward social issues, such as the brutality that  civil rights activists often faced and his anti-war stance with respect to Vietnam. Over time, although he continued to write about society, his work became more personal. His focus shifted to the intersection of profoundly different lives in crowded urban spaces, using these instances to examine sensitive issues such as race and class.    

The subject matter of his work is not its only controversy, and Williams is often compared to Whitman and Ginsberg because of his unusually long lines of verse. Despite his unconventional poetic form, he was awarded the Pulitzer Prize, the National Book Award and the National Book Critics Circle Award, among other honors. He also published five works of translation and a psychologically introspective memoir, Misgivings: My Mother, My Father, Myself. Williams died in September 2015.

More profile about the speaker
C.K. Williams | Speaker | TED.com
TED2001

C.K. Williams: Poetry of youth and age

Filmed:
290,397 views

Poet C.K. Williams reads his work at TED2001. As he colors scenes of childhood resentments, college loves, odd neighbors and the literal death of youth, he reminds us of the unique challenges of living.
- Poet
Often called a social poet, C.K. Williams was fascinated by the characters of modern civilization and their interactions. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
I thought I would read poems I have that relate to the subject
0
0
3000
00:15
of youth and age.
1
3000
3000
00:18
I was sort of astonished to find out how many I have actually.
2
6000
3000
00:21
The first one is dedicated to
3
9000
2000
00:23
Spencer, and his grandmother, who was shocked by his work.
4
11000
6000
00:29
My poem is called "Dirt."
5
17000
3000
00:32
My grandmother is washing my mouth out with soap;
6
20000
4000
00:36
half a long century gone
7
24000
2000
00:38
and still she comes at me
8
26000
2000
00:40
with that thick cruel yellow bar.
9
28000
3000
00:43
All because of a word I said,
10
31000
3000
00:46
not even said really, only repeated.
11
34000
3000
00:49
But "Open," she says, "open up!"
12
37000
2000
00:51
her hand clawing at my head.
13
39000
4000
00:55
I know now her life was hard;
14
43000
2000
00:57
she lost three children as babies,
15
45000
3000
01:00
then her husband died too,
16
48000
2000
01:02
leaving young sons, and no money.
17
50000
3000
01:05
She'd stand me in the sink to pee
18
53000
2000
01:07
because there was never room in the toilet.
19
55000
3000
01:10
But oh, her soap!
20
58000
2000
01:12
Might its bitter burning have been
21
60000
2000
01:14
what made me a poet?
22
62000
3000
01:17
The street she lived on was unpaved,
23
65000
3000
01:20
her flat, two cramped rooms and a fetid kitchen
24
68000
3000
01:23
where she stalked and caught me.
25
71000
3000
01:26
Dare I admit that after she did it
26
74000
3000
01:29
I never really loved her again?
27
77000
3000
01:32
She lived to a hundred,
28
80000
2000
01:34
even then. All along it was the sadness, the squalor,
29
82000
5000
01:39
but I never, until now
30
87000
2000
01:41
loved her again.
31
89000
4000
01:45
When that was published in a magazine
32
93000
2000
01:47
I got an irate letter from my uncle.
33
95000
4000
01:51
"You have maligned a great woman."
34
99000
6000
01:57
It took some diplomacy.
35
105000
6000
02:03
This is called "The Dress."
36
111000
2000
02:05
It's a longer poem.
37
113000
2000
02:07
In those days,
38
115000
2000
02:09
those days which exist for me only
39
117000
2000
02:11
as the most elusive memory now,
40
119000
3000
02:14
when often the first sound you'd hear in the morning
41
122000
3000
02:17
would be a storm of birdsong,
42
125000
2000
02:19
then the soft clop of the hooves
43
127000
2000
02:21
of the horse hauling a milk wagon down your block,
44
129000
4000
02:25
and the last sound at night as likely as not
45
133000
3000
02:28
would be your father pulling up in his car,
46
136000
3000
02:31
having worked late again, always late,
47
139000
3000
02:34
and going heavily down to the cellar, to the furnace,
48
142000
3000
02:37
to shake out the ashes and damp the draft
49
145000
3000
02:40
before he came upstairs to fall into bed --
50
148000
4000
02:44
in those long-ago days,
51
152000
2000
02:46
women, my mother, my friends' mothers,
52
154000
3000
02:49
our neighbors, all the women I knew --
53
157000
3000
02:52
wore, often much of the day,
54
160000
2000
02:54
what were called housedresses,
55
162000
2000
02:56
cheap, printed, pulpy,
56
164000
2000
02:58
seemingly purposefully shapeless
57
166000
3000
03:01
light cotton shifts that you wore over your nightgown
58
169000
3000
03:04
and, when you had to go look for a child,
59
172000
3000
03:07
hang wash on the line,
60
175000
2000
03:09
or run down to the grocery store on the corner,
61
177000
3000
03:12
under a coat,
62
180000
2000
03:14
the twisted hem of the nightgown
63
182000
2000
03:16
always lank and yellowed,
64
184000
2000
03:18
dangling beneath.
65
186000
3000
03:21
More than the curlers some of the women
66
189000
2000
03:23
seemed constantly to have in their hair
67
191000
3000
03:26
in preparation for some great event --
68
194000
2000
03:28
a ball, one would think --
69
196000
2000
03:30
that never came to pass;
70
198000
2000
03:32
more than the way most women's faces
71
200000
2000
03:34
not only were never made up during the day,
72
202000
3000
03:37
but seemed scraped, bleached,
73
205000
3000
03:40
and, with their plucked eyebrows, scarily masklike;
74
208000
3000
03:43
more than all that it was those dresses
75
211000
4000
03:47
that made women so unknowable and forbidding,
76
215000
3000
03:50
adepts of enigmas to which men could have no access,
77
218000
4000
03:54
and boys no conception.
78
222000
4000
03:58
Only later would I see the dresses also
79
226000
3000
04:01
as a proclamation:
80
229000
2000
04:03
that in your dim kitchen, your laundry,
81
231000
4000
04:07
your bleak concrete yard,
82
235000
2000
04:09
what you revealed of yourself
83
237000
2000
04:11
was a fabulation;
84
239000
2000
04:13
your real sensual nature,
85
241000
2000
04:15
veiled in those sexless vestments,
86
243000
3000
04:18
was utterly your dominion.
87
246000
3000
04:21
In those days, one hid much else as well:
88
249000
4000
04:25
grown men didn't embrace one another,
89
253000
2000
04:27
unless someone had died,
90
255000
2000
04:29
and not always then; you shook hands
91
257000
3000
04:32
or, at a ball game, thumped your friend's back
92
260000
3000
04:35
and exchanged blows meant to be codes for affection;
93
263000
4000
04:39
once out of childhood you'd never again know
94
267000
3000
04:42
the shock of your father's whiskers on your cheek,
95
270000
3000
04:45
not until mores at last had evolved,
96
273000
4000
04:49
and you could hug another man, then hold on for a moment,
97
277000
3000
04:52
then even kiss (your fathers bristles
98
280000
3000
04:55
white and stiff now).
99
283000
3000
04:58
What release finally, the embrace:
100
286000
3000
05:01
though we were wary -- it seemed so audacious --
101
289000
4000
05:05
how much unspoken joy there was
102
293000
2000
05:07
in that affirmation of equality and communion,
103
295000
3000
05:10
no matter how much misunderstanding
104
298000
4000
05:14
and pain had passed between you by then.
105
302000
4000
05:18
We knew so little in those days,
106
306000
3000
05:21
as little as now, I suppose
107
309000
2000
05:23
about healing those hurts:
108
311000
2000
05:25
even the women, in their best dresses,
109
313000
3000
05:28
with beads and sequins sewn on the bodices,
110
316000
3000
05:31
even in lipstick and mascara,
111
319000
2000
05:33
their hair aflow,
112
321000
2000
05:35
could only stand wringing their hands,
113
323000
2000
05:37
begging for peace,
114
325000
2000
05:39
while father and son, like thugs,
115
327000
2000
05:41
like thieves, like Romans,
116
329000
3000
05:44
simmered and hissed and hated,
117
332000
2000
05:46
inflicting sorrows that endured,
118
334000
3000
05:49
the worst anyway,
119
337000
2000
05:51
through the kiss and embrace,
120
339000
2000
05:53
bleeding from brother to brother,
121
341000
2000
05:55
into the generations.
122
343000
3000
05:58
In those days there was still countryside
123
346000
3000
06:01
close to the city, farms, cornfields, cows;
124
349000
4000
06:05
even not far from our building
125
353000
2000
06:07
with its blurred brick and long shadowy hallway
126
355000
3000
06:10
you could find tracts with hills and trees
127
358000
3000
06:13
you could pretend were mountains and forests.
128
361000
4000
06:17
Or you could go out by yourself
129
365000
2000
06:19
even to a half-block-long empty lot,
130
367000
3000
06:22
into the bushes: like a creature of leaves you'd lurk,
131
370000
4000
06:26
crouched, crawling, simplified, savage, alone;
132
374000
5000
06:31
already there was wanting to be simpler,
133
379000
4000
06:35
wanting, when they called you,
134
383000
3000
06:38
never to go back.
135
386000
4000
06:42
(Applause)
136
390000
11000
06:53
This is another longish one,
137
401000
2000
06:55
about the old and the young.
138
403000
3000
06:58
It actually happened right at the time we met.
139
406000
2000
07:00
Part of the poem takes place in
140
408000
4000
07:04
space we shared and time we shared.
141
412000
3000
07:07
It's called "The Neighbor."
142
415000
2000
07:09
Her five horrid, deformed little dogs
143
417000
4000
07:13
who incessantly yap on the roof under my window.
144
421000
4000
07:17
Her cats, God knows how many,
145
425000
2000
07:19
who must piss on her rugs --
146
427000
2000
07:21
her landing's a sickening reek.
147
429000
3000
07:24
Her shadow once, fumbling the chain on her door,
148
432000
4000
07:28
then the door slamming fearfully shut,
149
436000
3000
07:31
only the barking and the music -- jazz --
150
439000
3000
07:34
filtering as it does, day and night into the hall.
151
442000
5000
07:39
The time it was Chris Connor singing "Lush Life" --
152
447000
3000
07:42
how it brought back my college sweetheart,
153
450000
3000
07:45
my first real love, who -- till I left her --
154
453000
4000
07:49
played the same record.
155
457000
2000
07:51
And head on my shoulder, hand on my thigh,
156
459000
4000
07:55
sang sweetly along, of regrets and depletions
157
463000
4000
07:59
she was too young for,
158
467000
2000
08:01
as I was too young, later, to believe in her pain.
159
469000
4000
08:05
It startled, then bored, then repelled me.
160
473000
5000
08:10
My starting to fancy she'd ended up in this fire-trap
161
478000
3000
08:13
in the Village, that my neighbor was her.
162
481000
3000
08:16
My thinking we'd meet, recognize one another,
163
484000
3000
08:19
become friends, that I'd accomplish a penance.
164
487000
4000
08:23
My seeing her, it wasn't her, at the mailbox.
165
491000
5000
08:28
Gray-yellow hair, army pants under a nightgown,
166
496000
4000
08:32
her turning away, hiding her ravaged face
167
500000
3000
08:35
in her hands, muttering an inappropriate "Hi."
168
503000
5000
08:40
Sometimes there are frightening goings-on in the stairwell.
169
508000
4000
08:44
A man shouting, "Shut up!" The dogs frantically snarling,
170
512000
4000
08:48
claws scrabbling, then her -- her voice
171
516000
3000
08:51
hoarse, harsh, hollow,
172
519000
2000
08:53
almost only a tone,
173
521000
2000
08:55
incoherent, a note, a squawk,
174
523000
3000
08:58
bone on metal, metal gone molten,
175
526000
2000
09:00
calling them back,
176
528000
2000
09:02
"Come back darlings, come back dear ones.
177
530000
3000
09:05
My sweet angels, come back."
178
533000
4000
09:09
Medea she was, next time I saw her.
179
537000
3000
09:12
Sorceress, tranced, ecstatic,
180
540000
3000
09:15
stock-still on the sidewalk
181
543000
2000
09:17
ragged coat hanging agape,
182
545000
3000
09:20
passersby flowing around her,
183
548000
2000
09:22
her mouth torn suddenly open
184
550000
2000
09:24
as though in a scream,
185
552000
2000
09:26
silently though, as though only in her brain
186
554000
3000
09:29
or breast had it erupted.
187
557000
2000
09:31
A cry so pure, practiced, detached,
188
559000
4000
09:35
it had no need of a voice,
189
563000
3000
09:38
or could no longer bear one.
190
566000
2000
09:40
These invisible links that allure,
191
568000
3000
09:43
these transfigurations, even of anguish, that hold us.
192
571000
5000
09:48
The girl, my old love,
193
576000
2000
09:50
the last lost time I saw her
194
578000
2000
09:52
when she came to find me at a party,
195
580000
3000
09:55
her drunkenly stumbling, falling,
196
583000
2000
09:57
sprawling, skirt hiked, eyes veined red,
197
585000
4000
10:01
swollen with tears, her shame,
198
589000
3000
10:04
her dishonor.
199
592000
2000
10:06
My ignorant, arrogant coarseness,
200
594000
3000
10:09
my secret pride, my turning away.
201
597000
4000
10:13
Still life on a rooftop,
202
601000
2000
10:15
dead trees in barrels, a bench broken,
203
603000
4000
10:19
dogs, excrement, sky.
204
607000
2000
10:21
What pathways through pain,
205
609000
2000
10:23
what junctures of vulnerability,
206
611000
3000
10:26
what crossings and counterings?
207
614000
2000
10:28
Too many lives in our lives already,
208
616000
3000
10:31
too many chances for sorrow,
209
619000
2000
10:33
too many unaccounted-for pasts.
210
621000
3000
10:36
"Behold me," the god of frenzied,
211
624000
2000
10:38
inexhaustible love says,
212
626000
3000
10:41
rising in bloody splendor, "Behold me."
213
629000
5000
10:46
Her making her way
214
634000
2000
10:48
down the littered vestibule stairs,
215
636000
2000
10:50
one agonized step at a time.
216
638000
3000
10:53
My holding the door.
217
641000
2000
10:55
Her crossing the fragmented tiles,
218
643000
2000
10:57
faltering at the step to the street,
219
645000
3000
11:00
droning, not looking at me,
220
648000
2000
11:02
"Can you help me?"
221
650000
2000
11:04
Taking my arm, leaning lightly against me.
222
652000
4000
11:08
Her wavering step into the world.
223
656000
3000
11:11
Her whispering, "Thanks love." Lightly, lightly against me.
224
659000
9000
11:20
(Applause)
225
668000
9000
11:29
I think I'll lighten up a little.
226
677000
2000
11:31
(Laughter)
227
679000
2000
11:33
Another, different kind of poem of youth and age.
228
681000
4000
11:37
It's called "Gas."
229
685000
2000
11:39
(Laughter)
230
687000
2000
11:41
Wouldn't it be nice, I think,
231
689000
2000
11:43
when the blue-haired lady in the doctor's waiting room
232
691000
3000
11:46
bends over the magazine table
233
694000
3000
11:49
and farts, just a little,
234
697000
2000
11:51
and violently blushes.
235
699000
3000
11:54
Wouldn't it be nice if intestinal gas
236
702000
2000
11:56
came embodied in visible clouds,
237
704000
3000
11:59
so she could see that her really quite inoffensive pop
238
707000
3000
12:02
had only barely grazed my face
239
710000
2000
12:04
before it drifted away.
240
712000
2000
12:06
(Laughter)
241
714000
2000
12:08
Besides, for this to have happened now
242
716000
2000
12:10
is a nice coincidence. Because not an hour ago,
243
718000
3000
12:13
while we were on our walk,
244
721000
2000
12:15
my dog was startled by a backfire
245
723000
2000
12:17
and jumped straight up like a horse bucking.
246
725000
3000
12:20
And that brought back to me the stable
247
728000
2000
12:22
I worked on weekends when I was 12,
248
730000
2000
12:24
and a splendid piebald stallion,
249
732000
3000
12:27
who whenever he was mounted would buck just like that,
250
735000
3000
12:30
though more hugely of course,
251
738000
3000
12:33
enormous, gleaming, resplendent.
252
741000
2000
12:35
And the woman, her face abashedly buried
253
743000
3000
12:38
in her "Elle" now, reminded me --
254
746000
2000
12:40
I'd forgotten that not the least part of my awe
255
748000
3000
12:43
consisted of the fact that with every jump he took
256
751000
4000
12:47
the horse would powerfully fart.
257
755000
2000
12:49
Phwap! Phwap! Phwap!
258
757000
2000
12:51
Something never mentioned
259
759000
2000
12:53
in the dozens of books about horses
260
761000
2000
12:55
and their riders I devoured in those days.
261
763000
3000
12:58
All that savage grandeur,
262
766000
3000
13:01
the steely glinting hooves,
263
769000
2000
13:03
the eruptions driven from the creature's mighty innards,
264
771000
4000
13:07
breath stopped, heart stopped, nostrils madly flared,
265
775000
5000
13:12
I didn't know if I wanted to break him, or be him.
266
780000
5000
13:17
(Laughter)
267
785000
2000
13:19
(Applause)
268
787000
7000
13:29
This is called "Thirst."
269
797000
5000
13:34
Many -- most of my poems actually
270
802000
2000
13:36
are urban poems. I happen to be reading a bunch that aren't.
271
804000
4000
13:40
"Thirst."
272
808000
2000
13:42
Here was my relation with the woman who lived all last autumn and winter,
273
810000
4000
13:46
day and night, on a bench
274
814000
2000
13:48
in the 103rd Street subway station,
275
816000
3000
13:51
until finally one day she vanished.
276
819000
3000
13:54
We regarded each other, scrutinized one another.
277
822000
4000
13:58
Me shyly, obliquely, trying not to be furtive.
278
826000
4000
14:02
She boldly, unblinkingly, even pugnaciously,
279
830000
4000
14:06
wrathfully even, when her bottle was empty.
280
834000
5000
14:11
I was frightened of her. I felt like a child.
281
839000
3000
14:14
I was afraid some repressed part of myself
282
842000
3000
14:17
would go out of control, and I'd be forever entrapped
283
845000
3000
14:20
in the shocking seethe of her stench.
284
848000
4000
14:24
Not excrement merely, not merely surface
285
852000
3000
14:27
and orifice going unwashed,
286
855000
2000
14:29
rediffusion of rum,
287
857000
2000
14:31
there was will in it,
288
859000
2000
14:33
and intention, power and purpose --
289
861000
2000
14:35
a social, ethical rage and rebellion --
290
863000
4000
14:39
despair too, though, grief, loss.
291
867000
5000
14:44
Sometimes I'd think I should take her home with me,
292
872000
2000
14:46
bathe her, comfort her, dress her.
293
874000
3000
14:49
She wouldn't have wanted me to, I would think.
294
877000
3000
14:52
Instead, I'd step into my train.
295
880000
3000
14:55
How rich I would think, is the lexicon
296
883000
3000
14:58
of our self-absolving.
297
886000
2000
15:00
How enduring, our bland fatal assurance
298
888000
3000
15:03
that reflection is righteousness being accomplished.
299
891000
5000
15:08
The dance of our glances,
300
896000
2000
15:10
the clash, pulling each other through
301
898000
3000
15:13
our perceptual punctures,
302
901000
2000
15:15
then holocaust, holocaust,
303
903000
2000
15:17
host on host of ill, injured presences,
304
905000
4000
15:21
squandered, consumed.
305
909000
4000
15:25
Her vigil somewhere I know continues.
306
913000
3000
15:28
Her occupancy, her absolute, faithful attendance.
307
916000
5000
15:33
The dance of our glances, challenge, abdication,
308
921000
4000
15:37
effacement, the perfume of our consternation.
309
925000
7000
15:44
(Applause)
310
932000
7000
15:52
This is a newer poem, a brand new poem.
311
940000
4000
15:56
The title is "This Happened."
312
944000
3000
15:59
A student, a young woman
313
947000
3000
16:02
in a fourth-floor hallway of her lycee,
314
950000
3000
16:05
perched on the ledge of an open window
315
953000
2000
16:07
chatting with friends between classes;
316
955000
4000
16:11
a teacher passes and chides her,
317
959000
2000
16:13
"Be careful, you might fall,"
318
961000
2000
16:15
almost banteringly chides her,
319
963000
3000
16:18
"You might fall,"
320
966000
2000
16:20
and the young woman, 18, a girl really,
321
968000
3000
16:23
though she wouldn't think that,
322
971000
2000
16:25
as brilliant as she is, first in her class,
323
973000
3000
16:28
and "Beautiful, too," she's often told,
324
976000
3000
16:31
smiles back, and leans into the open window,
325
979000
4000
16:35
which wouldn't even be open if it were winter --
326
983000
3000
16:38
if it were winter someone would have closed it ("Close it!") --
327
986000
4000
16:42
leans into the window, farther, still smiling,
328
990000
4000
16:46
farther and farther, though it takes less time
329
994000
3000
16:49
than this, really an instant, and lets herself fall.
330
997000
5000
16:54
Herself fall.
331
1002000
3000
16:57
A casual impulse, a fancy,
332
1005000
3000
17:00
never thought of until now, hardly thought of even now ...
333
1008000
4000
17:04
No, more than impulse or fancy,
334
1012000
3000
17:07
the girl knows what she's doing,
335
1015000
2000
17:09
the girl means something,
336
1017000
2000
17:11
the girl means to mean,
337
1019000
2000
17:13
because it occurs to her in that instant,
338
1021000
3000
17:16
that beautiful or not, bright yes or no,
339
1024000
3000
17:19
she's not who she is,
340
1027000
2000
17:21
she's not the person she is,
341
1029000
2000
17:23
and the reason, she suddenly knows,
342
1031000
2000
17:25
is that there's been so much premeditation
343
1033000
3000
17:28
where she is, so much plotting and planning,
344
1036000
3000
17:31
there's hardly a person where she is,
345
1039000
3000
17:34
or if there is, it's not her, or not wholly her,
346
1042000
4000
17:38
it's a self inhabited, lived in by her,
347
1046000
4000
17:42
and seemingly even as she thinks it
348
1050000
2000
17:44
she knows what's been missing:
349
1052000
2000
17:46
grace,
350
1054000
2000
17:48
not premeditation but grace,
351
1056000
2000
17:50
a kind of being in the world spontaneously,
352
1058000
4000
17:54
with grace.
353
1062000
2000
17:56
Weightfully upon me was the world.
354
1064000
3000
17:59
Weightfully this self which graced the world
355
1067000
3000
18:02
yet never wholly itself.
356
1070000
3000
18:05
Weightfully this self which weighed upon me,
357
1073000
3000
18:08
the release from which is what I desire
358
1076000
3000
18:11
and what I achieve.
359
1079000
2000
18:13
And the girl remembers, in this infinite instant
360
1081000
4000
18:17
already now so many times divided,
361
1085000
3000
18:20
the sadness she felt once,
362
1088000
2000
18:22
hardly knowing she felt it,
363
1090000
2000
18:24
to merely inhabit herself.
364
1092000
2000
18:26
Yes, the girl falls, absurd to fall,
365
1094000
3000
18:29
even the earth with its compulsion
366
1097000
3000
18:32
to take unto itself all that falls
367
1100000
3000
18:35
must know that falling is absurd,
368
1103000
2000
18:37
yet the girl falling isn't myself,
369
1105000
3000
18:40
or she is myself,
370
1108000
2000
18:42
but a self I took of my own volition unto myself.
371
1110000
4000
18:46
Forever. With grace.
372
1114000
4000
18:50
This happened.
373
1118000
3000
18:53
(Applause)
374
1121000
8000
19:01
I'll read just one more. I don't usually say that.
375
1129000
2000
19:03
I like to just end.
376
1131000
2000
19:05
But I'm afraid that Ricky will come out here
377
1133000
3000
19:08
and shake his fist at me.
378
1136000
4000
19:12
This is called "Old Man," appropriately enough.
379
1140000
4000
19:16
"Special: big tits,"
380
1144000
2000
19:18
Says the advertisement for a soft-core magazine
381
1146000
3000
19:21
on our neighborhood newsstand.
382
1149000
2000
19:23
But forget her breasts.
383
1151000
2000
19:25
A lush, fresh-lipped blond,
384
1153000
3000
19:28
skin glowing gold, sprawls there,
385
1156000
3000
19:31
resplendent.
386
1159000
2000
19:33
60 nearly, yet these hardly tangible,
387
1161000
3000
19:36
hardly better than harlots, can still stir me.
388
1164000
5000
19:41
Maybe a coming of age in the
389
1169000
2000
19:43
American sensual darkness,
390
1171000
2000
19:45
never seeing an unsmudged nipple,
391
1173000
2000
19:47
an uncensored vagina,
392
1175000
2000
19:49
has left me forever infected
393
1177000
3000
19:52
with an unquenchable lust of the eye.
394
1180000
3000
19:55
Always that erotic murmur,
395
1183000
2000
19:57
I'm hardly myself
396
1185000
2000
19:59
if I'm not in a state of incipient desire.
397
1187000
4000
20:03
God knows though,
398
1191000
2000
20:05
there are worse twists your obsessions can take.
399
1193000
3000
20:08
Last year in Israel, a young ultra-orthodox Rabbi
400
1196000
4000
20:12
guiding some teenage girls through the Shrine of the Shoah
401
1200000
4000
20:16
forbade them to look in one room.
402
1204000
3000
20:19
Because there were images in it he said were licentious.
403
1207000
4000
20:23
The display was a photo. Men and women stripped naked,
404
1211000
4000
20:27
some trying to cover their genitals,
405
1215000
2000
20:29
others too frightened to bother,
406
1217000
2000
20:31
lined up in snow
407
1219000
2000
20:33
waiting to be shot and thrown into a ditch.
408
1221000
3000
20:36
The girls, to my horror,
409
1224000
3000
20:39
averted their gaze.
410
1227000
2000
20:41
What carnal mistrust had their teacher taught them.
411
1229000
4000
20:45
Even that though. Another confession:
412
1233000
4000
20:49
Once in a book on pre-war Poland,
413
1237000
3000
20:52
a studio portrait, an absolute angel,
414
1240000
4000
20:56
an absolute angel with tormented, tormenting eyes.
415
1244000
2000
20:58
I kept finding myself at her page.
416
1246000
3000
21:01
That she died in the camps made her --
417
1249000
3000
21:04
I didn't dare wonder why --
418
1252000
3000
21:07
more present, more precious.
419
1255000
3000
21:10
Died in the camps, that too people --
420
1258000
3000
21:13
or Jews anyway --
421
1261000
2000
21:15
kept from their children back then.
422
1263000
2000
21:17
But it was like sex, you didn't have to be told.
423
1265000
4000
21:21
Sex and death, how close they can seem.
424
1269000
4000
21:25
So constantly conscious now of death moving towards me,
425
1273000
4000
21:29
sometimes I think I confound them.
426
1277000
3000
21:32
My wife's loveliness almost consumes me.
427
1280000
3000
21:35
My passion for her goes beyond reasonable bounds.
428
1283000
3000
21:38
When we make love, her holding me
429
1286000
3000
21:41
everywhere all around me,
430
1289000
2000
21:43
I'm there and not there.
431
1291000
2000
21:45
My mind teems, jumbles of faces, voices, impressions,
432
1293000
4000
21:49
I live my life over, as though I were drowning.
433
1297000
5000
21:54
Then I am drowning, in despair
434
1302000
3000
21:57
at having to leave her,
435
1305000
2000
21:59
this, everything, all,
436
1307000
2000
22:01
unbearable, awful.
437
1309000
3000
22:04
Still, to be able to die
438
1312000
3000
22:07
with no special contrition,
439
1315000
2000
22:09
not having been slaughtered, or enslaved.
440
1317000
3000
22:12
And not having to know history's next
441
1320000
3000
22:15
mad rage or regression,
442
1323000
2000
22:17
it might be a relief.
443
1325000
3000
22:20
No. Again, no.
444
1328000
2000
22:22
I don't mean that for a moment.
445
1330000
2000
22:24
What I mean is the world holds me so tightly --
446
1332000
3000
22:27
the good and the bad --
447
1335000
2000
22:29
my own follies and weakness
448
1337000
2000
22:31
that even this counterfeit Venus
449
1339000
3000
22:34
with her sham heat, and her bosom probably plumped
450
1342000
3000
22:37
with gel, so moves me
451
1345000
3000
22:40
my breath catches.
452
1348000
2000
22:42
Vamp. Siren. Seductress.
453
1350000
3000
22:45
How much more she reveals
454
1353000
2000
22:47
in her glare of ink than she knows.
455
1355000
3000
22:50
How she incarnates
456
1358000
2000
22:52
our desperate human need for regard,
457
1360000
3000
22:55
our passion to live in beauty,
458
1363000
3000
22:58
to be beauty, to be cherished by glances,
459
1366000
4000
23:02
if by no more, of something like love,
460
1370000
4000
23:06
or love.
461
1374000
2000
23:08
Thank you.
462
1376000
2000
23:10
(Applause)
463
1378000
2000

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKER
C.K. Williams - Poet
Often called a social poet, C.K. Williams was fascinated by the characters of modern civilization and their interactions.

Why you should listen

C.K. Williams started writing poetry at 19, after taking only his required English classes at University of Pennsylvania. In the 1960s, he began gearing his poems toward social issues, such as the brutality that  civil rights activists often faced and his anti-war stance with respect to Vietnam. Over time, although he continued to write about society, his work became more personal. His focus shifted to the intersection of profoundly different lives in crowded urban spaces, using these instances to examine sensitive issues such as race and class.    

The subject matter of his work is not its only controversy, and Williams is often compared to Whitman and Ginsberg because of his unusually long lines of verse. Despite his unconventional poetic form, he was awarded the Pulitzer Prize, the National Book Award and the National Book Critics Circle Award, among other honors. He also published five works of translation and a psychologically introspective memoir, Misgivings: My Mother, My Father, Myself. Williams died in September 2015.

More profile about the speaker
C.K. Williams | Speaker | TED.com