TEDWomen 2010
Elizabeth Lesser: Take "the Other" to lunch
"دیگری" را به ناهار دعوت كن
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تنش تفرقه‌انگيز تلخي در فضا هست كه سياست مدرن را غيرممكن به نظر مي‌رساند. اليزابت لسر به بررسي دو بعد سرشت بشري كه ايجاد كننده اين تنش است (ما و آنها- خودي‌ها و غيرخودي‌ها) مي‌پردازد و يك راه شخصي و ساده براي شروع يك گفتگوي واقعي ارائه مي‌كند: اينكه با كسي كه با شما موافق نيست براي غذا خوردن رفته، و سه سوال از انها بپرسيد تا ببينيد كه واقعا در قلب آنها چه مي‌گذرد
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems. Full bio
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
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This room may appear
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این سالن به نظر می رسد كه
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to be holding 600 people,
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ششصد نفر را در خود جا داده
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but there's actually so many more,
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اما در واقع تعداد بسيار بيشتري اينجا هستند
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because in each one of us
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چرا كه در هر يك از ما
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there is a multitude of personalities.
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انبوهي از شخصيت‌هاست
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I have two primary personalities
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من دو شخصيت اصلي دارم
00:29
that have been in conflict and conversation within me
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كه همواره در درون من
00:31
since I was a little girl.
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از وقتي كه دختر كوچكي بودم در بحث و گفتگو بوده‌اند
00:33
I call them "the mystic"
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من آنها را "عرفا"
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and "the warrior."
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و "دلاوران" مي‌نامم
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I was born into a family
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من در خانواده‌اي به دنيا آمدم كه
00:39
of politically active,
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فعال سياسي و
00:41
intellectual atheists.
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روشنفكر منكر خدا بودند
00:43
There was this equation in my family that went something like this:
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يك معادله‌اي در خانواده من وجود داشت كه مي‌گفت:
00:46
if you are intelligent,
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اگر شما باهوش باشيد
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you therefore are not spiritual.
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نمي‌توانيد يك فرد معنوي باشيد
00:51
I was the freak of the family.
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نگاه من با بستگانم متفاوت بود
00:53
I was this weird little kid
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من، اين بچه كوچك عجيب و غريب
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who wanted to have deep talks
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كه خواهان گفتگوهاي عميق بودم
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about the worlds that might exist
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درباره جهاني كه ممكن بود
01:00
beyond the ones that we perceive with our senses.
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به گونه ديگري باشد وراي آنچه كه ما آنرا ادراك مي‌كنيم
01:03
I wanted to know
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من مي‌خواستم بدانم كه
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if what we human beings see
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آيا آنچه كه موجودات بشر مي‌بينند
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and hear and think
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و مي‌شنوند و فكر مي‌كنند
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is a full and accurate picture
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تصوير صحيح و كاملي
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of reality.
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از واقعيت است
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So, looking for answers,
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درجستجوي پاسخ
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I went to Catholic mass.
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من به مراسم عشائ رباني كاتوليكها رفتم
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I tagged along with my neighbors.
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با همسايه‌هايم دم زده
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I read Sartre and Socrates.
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و نوشته‌هاي سارتر و سقراط را خواندم
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And then a wonderful thing happened
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و بعد اتفاق عجيبي افتاد
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when I was in high school:
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وقتي كه من در دبيرستان بودم
01:26
Gurus from the East
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گوروهايي از شرق (گورو نام راهنماي معنوي هندوهاست)
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started washing up on the shores of America.
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در سواحل امريكا داشتند غسل مي‌كردند
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And I said to myself,
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و من با خودم گفتم
01:33
"I wanna get me one of them."
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مي‌خواهم مثل آنها باشم
01:35
And ever since,
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و از آن موقع
01:37
I've been walking the mystic path,
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من راه عرفا را رفته‌ام
01:40
trying to peer beyond
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و سعي كرده‌ام كه با دقت به دورترها نگاه كنم
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what Albert Einstein called
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به چيزي كه انشتين آن را
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"the optical delusion
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توهم ادراكي
01:46
of everyday consciousness."
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از آگاهي روزمره ناميد
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So what did he mean by this? I'll show you.
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اما منظور او چه بود؟ من به شما نشان خواهم داد
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Take a breath right now
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همين حالا يك نفس
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of this clear air in this room.
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از اين هواي شفاف داخل اين اتاق بكشيد
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Now, see this strange,
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حالا اين چيز عجيب را مي‌بينيد
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underwater,
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كه شبيه
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coral reef-looking thing?
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ساحل مرجاني زير آب است
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It's actually a person's trachea,
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اين ناي يك انسان است
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and those colored globs
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و آن ذرات رنگي
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are microbes
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ميكربها هستند
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that are actually swimming around in this room
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كه در اطراف اين اتاق
02:15
right now, all around us.
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همين الان، در همه جاي اطراف ما شناورند.
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If we're blind to this simple biology,
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اگر ما اين زيست‌شناسي ساده را ندانيم
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imagine what we're missing
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تصور كنيد كه چه چيزي را ناديده مي‌گيريم
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at the smallest subatomic level right now
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همين الان در سطح كوچكترين پديده‌هاي درون اتمي
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and at the grandest cosmic levels.
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و در بزرگترين سطوح كيهاني
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My years as a mystic
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سالهايي كه مثل يك عارف زندگي كردم
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have made me question
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باعث شد كه من
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almost all my assumptions.
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تقريبا همه فرضياتم را زير سوال ببرم
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They've made me a proud I-don't-know-it-all.
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آن سالها باعث شدند من از ناآگاهي خويش سربلند بيرون بيايم
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Now when the mystic part of me
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حالا وقتي كه بخش عارف وجود من
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jabbers on and on like this,
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تند و تند حرف مي‌زند
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the warrior rolls her eyes.
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بخش دلاور وجود من چشم‌هايش را مي‌بندد
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She's concerned
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و به اين فكر مي‌كند كه
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about what's happening in this world right now.
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همين الان در جهان چه اتفاقي در حال وقوع است.
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She's worried.
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او نگران است
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She says, "Excuse me, I'm pissed off,
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او مي‌گويد "معذرت مي‌خواهم من ناراحتم"
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and I know a few things,
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و چيزهايي مي‌دانم كه
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and we better get busy about them right now."
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بهتر است ما الان نگران آنها باشيم
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I've spent my life as a warrior,
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من زندگي خود را مثل يك مبارز سپري كرده‌ام
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working for women's issues,
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كار در موضوعات مربوط به زنان
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working on political campaigns,
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كار در مبارزات سياسي
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being an activist for the environment.
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به عنوان يك فعال براي محيط زيست
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And it can be sort of crazy-making,
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و اين به نوعي ديوانه‌كننده است كه
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housing both the mystic and the warrior
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ميزبان عارف و مبارز
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in one body.
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در يك جسم واحد باشي
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I've always been attracted
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من هميشه جذب
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to those rare people
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افراد نادري شده‌ام
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who pull that off,
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كه با وجود مشكلات فراوان به كار خود ادامه داده‌اند
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who devote their lives to humanity
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و زندگي خود را وقف بشريت
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with the grit of the warrior
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با سنگ يك مبارز
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and the grace of the mystic --
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و خو‌ش‌نيتي يك عارف كرده‌اند
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people like Martin Luther King, Jr.,
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افرادي نظير مارتين لوتركينگ
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who wrote, "I can never be
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كه گفت "من هرگز نمي‌توانم
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what I ought to be
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كسي باشم كه بايد باشم
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until you are
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مگر اينكه شما
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what you ought to be.
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كسي باشيد كه بايد باشيد
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This," he wrote, "is the interrelated structure
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او ادامه مي‌دهد"اين ساختار به‌هم پيوستة
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of reality."
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حقيقت است."
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Then Mother Teresa, another mystic warrior,
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و بعد مادر ترزا، يك مبارز عارف
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who said, "The problem with the world
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كه گفت: " مساله جهان
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is that we draw the circle of our family
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اين است كه ما قلمرو بستگان خود را
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too small."
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بسيار كوچك مي‌گيريم"
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And Nelson Mandela,
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و نلسون ماندلا
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who lives by the African concept
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كه با مفهوم آفريقايي
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of "ubuntu,"
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اوبانتو ( نوعی فلسفه زندگی) زندگي كرد
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which means "I need you
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كه بدين معنا است كه من به تو نياز دارم
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in order to be me,
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تا بتوانم من باشم
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and you need me in order to be you."
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و تو به من نياز داري تا بتواني تو باشي
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Now we all love to trot out
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اينك همگي ما با اشتياق تمام
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these three mystic warriors
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اين سه مبارز عارف را تحسين مي‌كنيم
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as if they were born
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گويي آنها ذاتا
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with the saint gene.
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با ژن مقدس زاده شده‌اند
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But we all actually have
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در عين حال، عملا همه ما
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the same capacity that they do,
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به اندازه همان‌ها توانايي داريم و مي‌توانيم مثل آنها باشيم
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and we need to do
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و اينك نياز داريم كه
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their work now.
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كاري را بكنيم كه آنها كردند
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I'm deeply disturbed
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من عميقا" متاسفم
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by the ways in which all of our cultures
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به شیوه های مختلفي كه از طريق آنها فرهنگ‌هاي ما
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are demonizing "the Other"
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ديگران را ديوانه جلوه مي‌دهند
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by the voice we're giving
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با تاييد ما
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to the most divisive among us.
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از تفرقه‌افكن‌ترين‌هايمان.
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Listen to these titles
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گوش كنيد
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of some of the bestselling books
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اينها عناوين برخي از پرفروشترين كتابهاي ما هستند
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from both sides of the political divide
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از هر دو جناح سياسي
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here in the U.S.
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در اينجا در ايلات متحده امريكا
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"Liberalism Is a Mental Disorder,"
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"ليبراليسم يك اختلال رواني است"
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"Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot,"
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"راش ليمباگ يك احمق چاق گنده است"
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"Pinheads and Patriots,"
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"ابلهان و وطن‌پرستان"
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"Arguing With Idiots."
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"بحث با احمقها"
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They're supposedly tongue-in-cheek,
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به نظر مي‌سرد كه اينها طنز باشند
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but they're actually dangerous.
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اما درواقع بسيار خطرناكند
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Now here's a title that may sound familiar,
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حالا به عنواني توجه كنيد كه شايد آشناتر باشد
05:11
but whose author may surprise you:
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اما از اينكه بدانيد نويسنده آن كيست متعجب خواهيد شد
05:14
"Four-and-a-Half-Years of Struggle
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"چهارسال و نيم نبرد
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Against Lies, Stupidity
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عليه دروغ، حماقت
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and Cowardice."
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و بزدلي"
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Who wrote that?
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نويسنده آن كيست؟
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That was Adolf Hitler's first title
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اين نخستين فصل كتاب آدولف هيتلر
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for "Mein Kampf" -- "My Struggle" --
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يعني كتاب "نبرد من" بود
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the book that launched the Nazi party.
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كه حزب نازي آن را چاپ كرد
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The worst eras in human history,
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بدترين دوره‌هاي تاريخ بشري
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whether in Cambodia or Germany
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خواه در كامبوج يا آلمان
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or Rwanda,
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يا رواندا
05:36
they start like this, with negative other-izing.
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زماني بوده است كه با نگاه منفي به ديگران و با غيرخودي‌سازي شروع شده است
05:39
And then they morph
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و بعد آنها در دام
05:41
into violent extremism.
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افراط‌گرايي وحشيانه مي‌افتند
05:44
This is why I'm launching a new initiative.
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بدين خاطر است كه من اين اقدام ابتكاري را شروع كرده‌ام
05:47
And it's to help all of us,
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و اين كار براي كمك به همه ما است
05:50
myself included,
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از جمله خود من
05:52
to counteract the tendency
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كه با گرايش به غيرخودي سازي
05:54
to "otherize."
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مقابله كنيم
05:56
And I realize we're all busy people,
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و من مي‌دانم كه همه ما افراد پرمشغله‌اي هستيم
05:59
so don't worry, you can do this on a lunch break.
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بنابراين نگران نباشيد، شما مي‌توانيد اين كار را در وقت استراحت ناهار انجام بدهيد
06:02
I'm calling my initiative,
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من اين نام را بر اين كار خود نهاده‌ام
06:04
"Take the Other to Lunch."
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"آنها را به ناهار دعوت كن"
06:07
If you are
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اگر شما
06:09
a Republican,
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يك جمهوري‌خواه هستيد
06:11
you can take a Democrat to lunch,
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مي‌توانيد يك دموكرات را به ناهار دعوت كنيد
06:14
or if you're a Democrat,
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و يا اگر دموكرات هستيد
06:17
think of it
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به آن فكر كنيد
06:19
as taking a Republican to lunch.
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و يك جمهوري‌خواه را به ناهار دعوت كنيد
06:21
Now if the idea of taking any of these people to lunch
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اما اگر اين ايده ناهار خوردن با اين افراد
06:24
makes you lose your appetite,
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باعث مي‌شود كه شما اشتهايتان را از دست دهيد
06:27
I suggest you start more local,
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پيشنهاد مي‌كنم كه با محلي‌ترها شروع كنيد
06:30
because there is no shortage of the Other
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چون هيچ وجه كمبود "ديگران"
06:33
right in your own neighborhood.
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در نزديكي شما نيست
06:36
Maybe that person
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شايد آن شخص، كسي باشد كه
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who worships at the mosque,
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در مسجد عبادت مي‌كند
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or the church or the synagogue, down the street.
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يا در كليسا يا كنيسه پايين خيابان
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Or someone from the other side
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يا شايد كسي از جناح مخالف در
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of the abortion conflict.
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مباحثات سقط جنين
06:48
Or maybe your brother-in-law
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يا شايد برادرخوانده شما
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who doesn't believe in global warming.
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كه به گرم شدن جهاني اعتقاد ندارد
06:53
Anyone whose lifestyle may frighten you,
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يا هركسي كه سبك زندگي‌اش شما را بترساند
06:58
or whose point of view
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يا ديدگاهش
07:00
makes smoke come out of your ears.
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دود از سرتان بلند كند.
07:04
A couple of weeks ago,
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دو هفته پيش
07:06
I took a Conservative Tea Party woman to lunch.
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من يك زن را در مهماني چاي محافظه‌كاران به ناهار دعوت كردم
07:11
Now on paper, she passed my smoking ears test.
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حالا به فرض، دود هم از كله‌ام بلند كند
07:15
She's an activist from the Right,
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او يك فعال جناح راست است
07:17
and I'm an activist from the Left.
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و من يك فعال جناح چپ هستم
07:21
And we used some guidelines
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و ما قواعدي را به كار بستيم
07:23
to keep our conversation elevated,
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تا گفتگويمان را سطح بالا نگه داريم
07:25
and you can use them too,
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و شما هم مي‌توانيد از اين قواعد استفاده كنيد
07:27
because I know you're all going
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چون مي‌دانم كه شما همگي مي‌رويد كه
07:29
to take an Other to lunch.
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يك "ديگري" را به ناهار دعوت كنيد
07:31
So first of all, decide on a goal:
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بنابراين، قبل از همه روي يك هدف مصمم باشيد
07:34
to get to know one person
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اينكه برويد با كسي آشنا شويد
07:36
from a group you may have negatively stereotyped.
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كه از گروهي باشد كه شما نگاه كليشه‌اي منفي به آن داريد
07:41
And then, before you get together,
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و بعد قبل از اينكه با هم باشيد
07:43
agree on some ground rules.
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روي چند اصل اساسي توافق كنيد
07:45
My Tea Party lunchmate and I
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من و هم‌ناهار مهماني چاي من
07:48
came up with these:
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روي اين توافق كرديم كه
07:50
don't persuade, defend
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طرف مقابل را تحت فشار نگذاريم، دفاع نكنيم
07:52
or interrupt.
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و حرف ديگري را قطع نكنيم
07:54
Be curious;
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كنجكاو باشيد
07:56
be conversational; be real.
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اهل گفتگو باشيد، واقعي باشيد
07:58
And listen.
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و گوش كنيد
08:00
From there, we dove in.
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ما اينگونه شروع كرديم
08:02
And we used these questions:
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و اين سوال‌ها را پرسيديم
08:04
Share some of your life experiences with me.
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چندتا از تجربيات زندگي خودتان را برايم تعريف كنيد
08:07
What issues
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چه موضوعاتي
08:09
deeply concern you?
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شما را عميقا متاثر مي‌كند؟
08:11
And what have you always wanted to ask
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و شما هميشه دوست داشته‌ايد كه چه سوالاتي
08:13
someone from the other side?
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از جناح مقابلتان بپرسيد؟
08:16
My lunch partner and I
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من و ميهمانم
08:18
came away with some really important insights,
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به نتايج مهمي دست يافتيم
08:20
and I'm going to share just one with you.
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و من مي‌خواهم يكي از آنها را با شما در ميان بگذارم
08:23
I think it has relevance
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فكر مي‌كنم كه اين
08:25
to any problem
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به هر مشكلي كه
08:27
between people anywhere.
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بين افراد در هر جايي که وجود داشته باشد مرتبط است
08:29
I asked her why her side
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من از او پرسيدم كه چرا جناح آنها
08:32
makes such outrageous allegations
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چنان ادعاهاي غيرمنصفانه‌اي داشته
08:34
and lies about my side.
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و در خصوص جناح من دروغ مي‌گويند
08:37
"What?" she wanted to know.
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چي؟ او مي‌خواست بداند
08:39
"Like we're a bunch
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" انگار ما گروهي از
08:41
of elitist,
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نخبه‌گرايان هستيم
08:43
morally-corrupt terrorist-lovers."
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كه عاشق تروريست و غير اخلاقي هستيم"
08:45
Well, she was shocked.
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خوب، او شوكه شده بود
08:47
She thought my side
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او فكر مي‌كرد كه جناح من
08:49
beat up on her side way more often,
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اغلب جناح او را مي‌كوبد
08:52
that we called them brainless,
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و ما جناح او را بي‌مخ
08:54
gun-toting racists,
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و اسلحه‌كش نژادپرست خطاب كرده‌ايم
08:57
and we both marveled
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و هر دوي ما متعجب بوديم از
08:59
at the labels that fit
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برچسب‌هايي كه
09:01
none of the people
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به هيچ يك از افرادي كه
09:03
we actually know.
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ما مي‌شناختيم نمي‌چسبيد
09:05
And since we had established some trust,
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و از آنجا كه ما تا حدي به يكديگر اعتماد داشتيم
09:07
we believed in each other's sincerity.
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و به خلوص يكديگر باور داشتيم
09:11
We agreed we'd speak up in our own communities
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توافق كرديم كه با جماعت خود صحبت كنيم
09:14
when we witnessed
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وقتي كه ما شاهد آن هستيم كه
09:16
the kind of "otherizing" talk
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اينگونه صحبت‌‌هاي غيرسازنده
09:18
that can wound
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كه مي‌تواند آسيب رسانده
09:20
and fester into paranoia
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و به بدبيني چركين بدل شود
09:22
and then be used by those on the fringes
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و بعد افراد حاشيه‌اي از آن براي
09:25
to incite.
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تحريك ديگران استفاده كنند
09:27
By the end of our lunch,
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در پايان ناهار
09:29
we acknowledged each other's openness.
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ما از ذهن باز يكديگر سپاسگزار بوديم
09:31
Neither of us had tried to change the other.
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هيچ يك از ما سعي نكرده بود كه ديگري را تغيير دهد
09:34
But we also hadn't pretended
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اما وانمود هم نكرده بوديم
09:37
that our differences were just going to melt away
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كه تفاوتهاي ما
09:40
after a lunch.
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بعد از يك ناهار در حال رنگ باختن است
09:45
Instead, we had taken
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به جاي آن ما
09:47
first steps together,
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گام‌هاي نخست را با يكديگر برداشته بوديم
09:49
past our knee-jerk reactions,
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و انعكاس پرش زانوي خود را
09:51
to the ubuntu place,
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به محل اوبانتو برده بوديم
09:53
which is the only place
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به تنها جايي كه
09:55
where solutions
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راه‌حل‌هايي
09:57
to our most intractable-seeming problems
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براي آنچه كه به نظر چاره‌ناپذيرترين مشكلات ما مي‌رسيدند
10:01
will be found.
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يافت مي‌شد
10:03
Who should you invite to lunch?
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شما چه كسي را دعوت مي‌كنيد؟
10:06
Next time you catch yourself
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دغعه بعدي كه شما خود را
10:08
in the act of otherizing,
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در حال غيرخودي كردن ديگران گير انداختيد
10:10
that will be your clue.
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آن كليد شما خواهد بود(آن شخص غير را دعوت كنيد)
10:12
And what might happen at your lunch?
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و ممكن است چه اتفاقي در ناهار شما بيفتد؟
10:15
Will the heavens open
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آيا درهاي بهشت باز خواهد شد
10:17
and "We Are the World" play over the restaurant sound system?
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و آهنگ ما جهانی هستیم "We Are the World" از سيستم صوتي رستوران پخش خواهد شد؟
10:20
Probably not.
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احتمالا نه.
10:22
Because ubuntu work is slow,
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زيرا اوبانتو به آرامي عمل مي‌كند
10:24
and it's difficult.
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و كار دشواري است
10:26
It's two people
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دو نفر آنجا هستند
10:28
dropping the pretense
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كه تظاهر به
10:30
of being know-it-alls.
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دانستن همه چيز را كنار گذاشته‌اند
10:32
It's two people,
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دو نفر
10:34
two warriors,
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دو مبارز
10:36
dropping their weapons
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كه سلاح خود را كنار گذاشته‌اند
10:38
and reaching toward each other.
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و در دسترس يكديگر هستند
10:41
Here's how the great Persian poet Rumi put it:
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شاعر بزرگ پارسي مولوي آن را اينگونه بيان مي‌كند
10:45
"Out beyond ideas
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"فارغ از ايده‌هاي
10:48
of wrong-doing and right-doing,
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خطا و درست
10:51
there is a field.
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جايي هست
10:53
I'll meet you there."
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كه تو را آنجا خواهم ديد."
10:55
(Applause)
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(تشويق حضار)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialistElizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems.
Why you should listen
Elizabeth Lesser is a bestselling author and the cofounder of Omega Institute, the renowned conference and retreat center located in Rhinebeck, New York. Lesser's first book, The Seeker's Guide, chronicles her years at Omega and distills lessons learned into a potent guide for growth and healing. Her New York Times bestselling book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (Random House), has sold more than 300,000 copies and has been translated into 20 languages. Her latest book, Marrow: A Love Story (Harper Collins/September 2016), is a memoir about Elizabeth and her younger sister, Maggie, and the process they went through when Elizabeth was the donor for Maggie’s bone marrow transplant.
Lesser cofounded Omega Institute in 1977 -- a time when a variety of fresh ideas were sprouting in American culture. Since then, the institute has been at the forefront of holistic education, offering workshops and trainings in: integrative medicine, prevention, nutrition, and the mind/body connection; meditation and yoga; cross-cultural arts and creativity; ecumenical spirituality; and social change movements like women's empowerment and environmental sustainability. Lesser is also the cofounder of Omega's Women's Leadership Center, which grew out of the popular Women & Power conference series featuring women leaders, activists, authors and artists from around the world. Each year more than 30,000 people participate in Omega's programs on its campus in Rhinebeck, New York and at urban and travel sites, and more than a million people visit its website for online learning.
A student of the Sufi master, Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, for many years, Lesser has also studied with spiritual teachers, healers, psychologists and philosophers from other traditions. In 2008 she helped Oprah Winfrey produce a ten-week online seminar based on Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth. The webinar was viewed by more than 8 million people worldwide. She was a frequent host on Oprah's "Soul Series," a weekly radio show on Sirius/XM, and a guest on Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday." In 2011, she gave a TED Talk, "Take 'the Other' to lunch ," in which she called for civility and understanding as we negotiate our differences as human beings.
Lesser attended Barnard College, where she studied literature, and San Francisco State University, where she received a teaching degree. In 2011 she received an honorary doctorate from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, in Palo Alto, California. Early in her career she was a midwife and birth educator. Today, besides writing and her work at Omega Institute, she lends her time to social and environmental causes and is an avid walker, cook and gardener. She lives with her family in New York's Hudson River Valley.
Elizabeth Lesser | Speaker | TED.com